


Wild Magic

by Artemisdesari



Series: Wild Magic and Gifts [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Asshole Bungo, Balin is a secret softie, Balin is the reasonable head in a bunch of stubborn dwarves, Being in the cells isn't nice, Billana Baggins - Freeform, Billana can talk to animals, Billana has magic, Billana is not Bungo's daughter, BotFA, But where is the One Ring?, Cultural Differences, Discussions of child loss, Don't Ask, Don't go there, Dwarf & Hobbit Cultural Differences, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarf weddings and customs, Families of Choice, Fell Winter, Female Bilbo Baggins, Female Nori, Fili and Kili being awkwardly comforting, Fili is a long suffering big brother, Found Family, Gandalf is a meddling git, Gandalf is cryptic, Gold Sick Thorin, Hobbit Courting, Hobbits are apparantly mostly assholes in this one, I don't know, It's not a nice place, Kili is an adorable doofus, Magic Hobbits, Manwe doesn't have the patience for these shenanigans, Mentions of attempted rape, Mentions of past abuse, Mirkwood, Multi, Past Abuse, Sort Of, Stubborn Thorin, Thanduil not being a massive ass, The Valar are all in on this one, Timeline rearranging, alternative universe, always more tags, because getting a straight answer out of a wizard is an exercise in frustration, discussion of miscarriage, elements taken from the Immortals Quartet, for anyone involved, just a bit of one, magic dwarves, magic elves, mentions of attempted sexual assault, secretive dwarves are secretive, timeline what timeline?, who doesn't always know when to shut up, who may or may not be remembering all of this to use as blackmail later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 87
Words: 196,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21586864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemisdesari/pseuds/Artemisdesari
Summary: Ravens are large birds and the largest one she has ever encountered had been a little over two feet long with a wingspan of nearly twice that. This raven is bigger still, perhaps a little more than two and a half feet long which could be thought a considerable size to a hobbit of only three feet and eight inches. For Billana Baggins, outcast and feared for her strange magic, this raven could signal the start of a new life, provided she survives the journey towards it.
Relationships: Belladonna Took/Undisclosed, Bilbo Baggins/Fíli, Bilbo Baggins/Fíli/Kíli, Bilbo Baggins/Kíli, Bungo Baggins/Belladonna Took, Dwalin/Nori (Tolkien)
Series: Wild Magic and Gifts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557199
Comments: 2602
Kudos: 1002
Collections: AmazingLOTR, An Assortment of Damn Good Fics





	1. The Shire

**Author's Note:**

> The magical elements have been borrowed from Tamora Pierce's Tortall books, particularly the Immortals. It just occurred to me that the magical rules and abilities of Tortall could actually work pretty well in Middle Earth. There is absolutely not need to have any familiarity with the other books at all, as I'll probably adjust elements to suit me as well.

The Shire is, perhaps, the greenest place in all of Middle Earth. It could be assumed that the hobbits who populate its rolling hills and verdant woodlands are significantly more magically gifted than the other races of Middle Earth. There are the elves, long lived and almost universally gifted, the Men who live as long as a candle in the face of a star but almost a third of whom have the gift in some way or form, and the dwarves who guard all knowledge of their gift and their craft jealously. The gift is rarer still among hobbits than it is among dwarves and Men and is looked upon as an inconvenience by many. They are, as a race, incredibly proud of the fact that their home is a lush safe haven _without_ the need or use of the gift as so many of the Men living in Bree seem to seek whenever times seem to become more difficult.

This does not mean that gifted hobbits do not turn up. They are rarely capable of more than lighting a candle or fire, or if their gift runs more towards healing it is rare that they can do anything more than magically enhance a healing poltice or potion, but every now and again one is born so gifted that the only way for them to learn to control it is to visit with one of the other races.

Such was the case for young Belladonna Took who, upon reaching thirty, departed the Shire in the company of the Grey Wanderer to study the use of her healing gift with the elves in Rivendell. Belladonna spent a happy six years among the elves and while her healing gift would _never_ be as powerful as that of her hosts it was only the fact that it was greater than that of any other in the Shire that prevented her from returning a disgraced outcast, for she did _not_ return in the same condition in which she left. Nor did she return with Gandalf as had been the originally agreed plan. Belladonna returned in the company of two elves. On its own, that would not have been any sort of scandal. The fourth member of their party, however, was the cause of a scandal of such magnitude that it would lead to the formerly wild Belladonna Took being quietly married off to a hobbit of high enough standing in the Shire to salvage her reputation, but who was in need of enough additional funds that her dowry would allow him to over look the detail which had made the marriage so necessary.

Belladonna Took returned with a babe at her breast.

Of the child's father she would say little, only that he was a wanderer who had passed through Rivendell at midwinter. Billana, as she was named, was an unusual child. The gossips of Hobbiton, where Belladonna settled with her husband as Mrs B. Baggins, labelled the girl mad. The dark-haired child would frequently be found in fields and woodland with a squirrel on her shoulder or a mouse at her knee. Birds would flock to her and farmer's dogs would abandon their work to greet her. Billana could frequently be heard talking to the creatures who came to her as though holding a conversation, something which elicited a small amount of pity from the more open-minded residents of Hobbiton who knew that most of the children either avoided or tormented her. She did not, however, show any sign of having inherited her mother's gift and that was something that all the residents of the small town, including her stepfather, breathed more than one sigh of relief over.

They did notice, though, that animals treated by Billana would heal better and more quickly. Nor could they ignore the fact that those handled and trained by her were often more intelligent and better at performing the tasks required of them. Belladonna doted on the daughter who ended up being her only child. Her marriage to Bungo Baggins was peaceful, but loveless and lacking entirely in passion. Many would question whether it had ever been consummated and such questions would cause problems later in Billana's life.

Some speculated, due to Belladonna's reticence on the matter, that Billana's father was none other than Gandalf the Grey. Such rumours were put to rest, however, upon Billana's twelfth birthday when the wizard visited the Shire. He knew, rumours said, the identity of her father instantly, even going so far as to utter a name. None who heard it could ever recall it, save Belladonna who had grown pale and collapsed, needing to be revived by Gandalf and her appalled husband. Billana remained ignorant of the discussion by her mother's request, but every spring for the following five years Gandalf would visit and remain until autumn.

Billana grew stranger, she rarely spoke aloud to the animals around her any longer, but there were times when she would laugh and break the silence around her for a joke that only she could have heard or imagined. Often she would seem to be absent from her mind entirely, and then there were the times that a hobbit farmer would come across her stood in a field as naked as the day she was born, only for her to startle and vanish like mist. To make it worse, she learnt to hunt and could often be seen practicing with a bow delivered to her by the same elves who had escorted her mother home in disgrace.

The Tooks were said by many to have fairy blood. Perhaps Belladonna had joined with a fairy that same way that her ancient ancestor had, indeed it was almost the only explanation for the perfectly formed hobbit child who was so very different from any other of her race. Even though Gandalf's visits lessened over time, Billana did not grow any less strange. Without the wizard's tutelage, however, she became a little less likely to exhibit her oddities. That might have been all they were if not for the Fell Winter which struck when she was twenty-eight and altered her life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am aware that I have started yet another new story. I've been talking to Jimiel a lot lately and that has somehow translated into a need to write all the things, go read The Family Ri because it's utterly fabulous.


	2. The Raven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana’s magic is not, she knows, like the gift she has seen used by the mages of hobbits, Men and elves

Billana Baggins stretches and runs thin fingers through her mass of uncontrollable chestnut curls. It has been a _long_ morning. Spring iss well underway and with its arrival has come the need to prepare the beds in her small garden for planting and make the repairs to her tiny smial which always need to wait for good weather. It also means that she has no excuses which would allow her to continue avoiding the local market for additional supplies and other items which need replacing for one reason or another. Ever since the deaths of her parents four years before Billana has grown to dread those necessary fortnightly visits. She dreads the stares and the whispers that follow her, the questions they ask of a girl not long out of her tweens but not yet quite of age. The girl they had forced out of the home she had grown up in and into a dilapidated smial in need of more repairs than a grieving and sheltered hobbit could reasonably handle alone.

Fortunately for Billana, she is rarely alone.

The trip to the market had been better than expected, however, being quite due to rumours of bad weather on the way, and she had managed to stock her pantry for the next two weeks at least. Contrary to normal hobbit behaviour Billana was _not_ fond of baking and rarely ate more than four of the preferred seven meals a day. Being alone, and paid so little attention by those who _should_ have been considered family, she was often too busy to bother with eating and preparing more.

Happily back in her smial she now takes the time to change out of her stuffy and restrictive market clothes. The heavy skirts and petticoats, tight bodices and blouses that never seemed to fit quite right now that her mother was no longer around to help her, the fussy little shawl and annoying bonnet. All of these she exchanges for a simple linen smock that barely reaches her knees. She has no intention of leaving her garden again and it is a warm day for spring, with no sign of the storm which had sent so many of her fellow hobbits into hiding. Besides, there is earth to be turned and planting to be done, all hot, hard work and not something that she can leave too long if she wants a good harvest when the time comes.

She works for about an hour, humming happily to herself as she listens to the chatter of the animals around her. Nearby a squirrel is exclaiming over his discovery of a forgotten stash of nuts, a mouse skitters through the hedge chittering angrily and a sparrow trills for a mate. These are the comforting sounds that she enjoys, the simple conversations which mean that she is never truly alone or forgotten. She suspects that it is one of the reasons she doesn’t notice the raven until he crashes into her hedge.

The sound of it startles a small scream from her, it has been a long time since any animal has been able to sneak up on her, but occasionally tween hobbits will come to gawp, stare and even throw stones at Belladonna Took’s fairy daughter. Her first instinct, therefore, is to reach for the stout cudgel that she keeps nearby. Billana might be shunned by the general population of the Shire but that has also served to make her the target of some less than savoury individuals on more than one occasion. When she turns and realises that it is only a raven, however, she sets her cudgel aside and approaches carefully.

Ravens are large birds the largest one she has ever encountered had been a little over two feet long with a wingspan of nearly twice that. _This_ raven is bigger still, perhaps a little more than two and a half feet long which could be thought a considerable size to a hobbit of only three feet and eight inches. She coos to him softly, reaching out with her mind to try and sooth him and reeling away as she stumbles over her own feet. He feels _wrong_ , she thinks, and though he is croaking as all ravens do it occasionally sounds more like he is screaming. She cannot find much in the way of thought as she usually would when touching the mind of any animal, intelligence varies as does understanding but there is always some element of _thought_ , and it is only when she focuses _hard_ that she catches anything at all. It is like trying to see through mud to hear him and then she only catches the odd word and the feeling of panic. _Uncle, Nadad, Thorin_ , flick through her mind but she stumbles and falls to her knees moments later as the sensation of dizziness and wrong intensifies.

“Calm down now,” she says firmly, “I’m not going to hurt you, I just need to get you out of that hedge.”

The raven is definitely strange, she thinks as she avoids beak and wings so that she can ease him out of the bush. He is also injured, a wound to his wing which oozes with a foul-smelling fluid. Infected, she thinks, and perhaps that is why he is so panicked and makes her feel so odd. Perhaps it is why she cannot find any sort of rational thought in him, fever taking his ability to think clearly as it does for all others, hobbit, Man _or_ animal. He is heavier than he should be as well, and she mutters a few curses as she lifts him though his size and the flapping of his wings make that far more awkward than she would like.

“Stop,” she orders, touching his mind in yet another attempt to calm him. Instead the bird lashes out with wing and beak as soon as her magic touches him and she narrowly avoids losing an eye. “Ungrateful, that’s what you are,” she informs him, “is that anyway to treat someone who’s trying to help you?”

Finally, with much muttering and grumbling, she gets the bird free. As though his struggles have worn him out, the raven goes alarmingly limp and Billana hardly dares to draw breath until she sees the shallow and rapid expansion of his chest.

“Let’s get you inside and see what I can do,” she says.

He is easier to move now that he is unconscious, and they make it into the smial without much difficulty. Her patient, however, is too large for her usual choice of treating them in the small sitting room and so she half carries and half drags him into the bedroom. Lifting him onto the bed is another challenge, but once that is done she settles next to him, examining the wing carefully and making soothing noises when he wakes and seems to groan in discomfort.

Billana’s magic is not, she knows, like the gift she has seen used by the mages of hobbits, Men and elves. Their gifts sparkle around them like coloured fire when used, making the air around them feel tight and heavy as before a thunderstorm. It also goes dormant when not in use. Billana’s is like a tangle of copper within her and it is always active, whether she wants it to be or not. Gandalf has always called it Wild Magic, as much for the fact that it is untameable as it is capricious. As magics go it is useless with the other races, but what it gives Billana is infinitely more precious to one outcast for the circumstances of her birth. It allows Billana to hear and heal and even _become_ the animals that inhabit the world around her. Were her patient a hobbit, or any one of the other races, she would not be able to help him. Even a quick look is enough to tell her that the wound in this wing is badly infected, enough that had he been a hobbit he would have to lose the arm unless he saw a very skilled, or gifted, healer. This is a raven, however, and Billana has treated worse wounds than this in the last four years.

She reaches for her magic, focussing it on the injury and gently beginning the process of burning out the infection. For a moment it works, the infection recedes and then the raven _screams_ and her magic lashes back at her, making her flinch away. Three more attempts have the same result and Billana is left flushed and sweating from her labours.

“Alright,” she mutters, “we’ll have to see if we can save it the old-fashioned way.”

Sometimes even Billana’s well of magic isn’t quite enough to heal every animal that might come her way, though it is rare, and so she is still in practice with the old remedies and has a good supply of cleaning solution and bandages on hand. It is not an easy task, although the bird calms as he seems to realise that she is trying to help him.

More than one bottle of cleaning fluid is spilled, and she has to move quickly to avoid a sharp beak several times, but eventually the wound is cleaned and bandaged. The raven looks at the bandage curiously, and Billana wonders if she will have to find some way of keeping him from tearing it off, but the bird only makes a mournful noise and closes his eyes. She gnaws on her lip, concerned about this strange reaction, but shakes it off and gets to work cleaning away the soiled cloths and dirty water.

The fact that she cannot touch her patient with her magic worries her and leaves her with no other option to wait it out and see if treating her patient the ungifted way will get her anywhere. She hopes it will, the raven will not survive if she has to remove his wing whether he stays with her or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> World building and melding is so much fun. That said the only reason I got this one typed up so quickly is because the sick Manbeast kept me awake half the night. Lucky me.


	3. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana develops a routine of sorts over the following days

Billana develops a routine of sorts over the following days, tending to the raven between her usual daily tasks, but to her increasing frustration he does not improve. She cleanses the wound and changes the bandages three times a day, even going so far as to try touching it with her magic, but the infection refuses to show signs of clearing. The raven hardly eats or drinks no matter what she offers, and she can see him growing worse before her eyes.

He sleeps, for the most part, hardly moving when she tends to his wound and never fussing with the bandages which is odd behaviour for any animal. It leads to her creating a list, of sorts, of things that are odd about this bird. It would seem foolish to anyone who did not know animals as well as she does, but just the way that he seems to understand her non-magical attempts to heal him is strange, as is the fact that her healing magic can hardly touch him at all. Then there is the fact that he will sometimes stare at her almost mournfully and croak, but unlike others of his kind that she has encountered she hasn’t the faintest idea what he is trying to say, and she has _never_ met an animal she couldn’t understand or hear. If she couldn’t _see_ this raven, she wouldn’t be entirely sure that he exists, he feels like little more than a shadow on a sunny day, and that is concerning all on its own. Perhaps, she thinks, there is something wrong with her magic. It is the only thing that might make even the smallest amount of sense and she finds herself wishing that Gandalf were nearby to reassure her.

On the third day she is changing out of her smock in her bedroom. The raven is still settled on her bed, providing a welcome source of heat in the night, and for the first time since she brought him into the house he is awake while she is changing. As is her habit while with him she has been keeping up a steady stream of chatter about the outside, telling him the stories that the other animals have told her and telling him about her activities during the day. She hardly thinks about the fact that she is undressing, animals don’t tend to care in the slightest about that sort of thing and mostly find the fact that she wears clothes odd or amusing. So when the bird makes a strange noise and turns his head away she is surprised by it.

“Well, aren’t you a funny polite thing,” she coos, scratching the feathers on the back of his head in a way that makes him purr slightly, regardless of the fact that she is naked. “I’m going to wash,” she tells him, grabbing her soft robe, “stay here, no more trying to get off the bed.”

More than once she has caught the bird hopping down the short corridor to the front door, obviously intent on getting outside. With his wing bandaged as it is such an attempt is too dangerous to allow. He would be a prime target for predators and so she has been forced to wrestle him back onto the bed every time.

She need not have worried that he would try to leave the smial, for though she is not gone above ten minutes when she returns from her quick bath the raven has taken a noticeable turn for the worse. She swears softly as she takes stock of the situation. Birds are always difficult, even the ones that she is able to use her magic on, they burn through their energy far more rapidly and are not easy to convince to rest. It can only be his escape attempts that have brought this on, she thinks. Until his last attempt he had been showing signs of improvement, though they had been too small for her tastes.

Tears prickle at her eyes.

She knows that she cannot save every animal that comes to her. She hates losing one all the same, especially one that she has worked _so_ hard to try and save. She has dedicated more time and resources to this bird than she has any other in years. Whatever ails him, however, is resistant to her magic and that _has_ to mean that there is something important about him.

“I’ve heard stories,” she says as she coaxes some warm milk and honey down his throat, “about ravens. Some of them say that you can speak mortal tongues and you carry messages for the dwarf lords.” The raven looks at her blearily. “Wouldn’t that be nice if you could talk like they do. You could tell me what happened and how to help you.” She muses.

The raven fades in and out throughout the night and Billana does all she can, forsaking sleep and only meditating, as Gandalf once taught her, in those brief periods where she has done all that _can_ be done, and she must wait. Out of habit she will reach out to the raven with her mind, even though his is still clouded to her. Sometimes, distantly, she will hear the same voice she did the first time that she tried to reach him. Young. Distant. Pained. Calling for his uncle. Calling in words she cannot understand but that sound like the harsh language of the dwarves. She tries to touch him with her magic, tries to get the owner of the voice to hear her because it can only be her raven, but either he cannot hear her, or he is too far gone to understand her. Most frustratingly, no amount of healing she tries will take. He will improve for a short time but then take a turn for the worse.

By the time morning arrives the raven is still alive, if barely. Billana has no idea if this is as a result of his own stubborn determination of if _she_ has achieved something that might have helped him. Billana is exhausted, her hair soaked with sweat and stuck to her cheeks and back. She stands, joints stiff as she stumbles to the window. The raven is sleeping but it cannot be much longer now until he passes. Whatever reserves he has must be almost depleted and there is little else that she can do.

The sparrow lands next to her as she leans in her open window, running her beak through Billana’s matted curls as she twitters about a Man that approaches.

_-What Man?-_ Billana asks silently, digging a handful of seeds out of the small box she keeps near the window.

_-Big-_ the sparrow says. - _With a tall hat_ -

Billana touches the sparrow’s mind curiously and feels her heart leap. The wizard has come and with luck he has not come too late. She thanks the bird, checks that her patient still breathes, and hurries out of the smial. She is at her garden gate when the wizard arrives, his ancient face pensive, though his pace is unhurried.

“Gandalf!” She cries in relief.

“Dear Billana,” he chuckles as she darts to him. “This is a far more eager reception than I had hoped to receive.”

“That is because you have managed to arrive precisely when I need you,” Billana replies, grabbing his hand to all but drag Gandalf into the smial.

“I see,” the wizard says in obvious amusement. “Well it just so happens that I have good reason to visit with you as well, my dear.”

“You always do,” she agrees, “but it will have to wait. I need you to look at him,” she continues. “I’ve tried everything I know and everything you’ve taught me, and it simply isn’t working. My magic just rolls off him and if I push too hard it hurts him more. You’re the only one who might be able to help and we’re almost out of time.”

“Help who, Billana?” He asks gently.

“The _raven_ ,” she says in exasperation.

“Raven?” Gandalf’s expression sharpens. “Take me to him.”

She breathes a sigh of relief, the wizard following her and moving through the smial with the ease of familiarity. He gives her a strange look when she pushes the door to her room open, since she would never normally treat one of her animals in there, but all thoughts of explanations fly from her mind when she enters the room behind him and hears him mutter something that even her sensitive hobbit ears cannot decipher. There is a brief flash of light and she has to blink. The bird’s breathing is easier when her vision clears but Gandalf is obviously unhappy.

“Can you help him?” She asks.

“Not while he is like this,” the wizard replies sharply. “But there are those who _can_ not far away. I will fetch them immediately. Keep him alive until I return.”

He hurries from the room and is out of the smial before she can stop him to ask what he means or why he had come to visit at all.

“Keep you alive,” she mutters to the raven who watches her with cloudy eyes. “Not asking much is he?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might not get this up tomorrow because the children are off school for the day and having friends over. By the time they're in bed I'll probably be eyeballs deep in the wine. So, I'm putting it up now.


	4. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever Gandalf had done to aid the raven doesn't last as long as Billana would like

Whatever Gandalf had done to aid the raven doesn't last as long as Billana would like. By mid-afternoon it is clear that whatever reserves of strength he might have given the bird are at an end. Gandalf's magic, she knows, is not given towards healing. In fact, she has almost never seen him use it although she knows he has the power. She still wishes that he could have done more as she continues to fight what she now knows is inevitable. The battle is almost lost at this point and it is now only a matter of time.

"Billana!" She hears Gandalf shout from where she is sat on her bed with the raven's head in her lap so that she can run soothing fingers through his feathers.

"I'm in here," she calls back, ears picking up the sounds of heavy boots and she eases herself free just as the door slams open.

Two dwarves stand there, one with hair nearly as dark as her raven's feathers and the other with hair like the summer sun. Both have blue eyes and short beards, though the blond is obviously far younger, and neither of them speaks as they make their way to the bed. Their eyes are fixed entirely on the raven and his laboured breathing.

"Are we too late?" The younger asks.

"Not while there is breath in his body," the other replies.

He takes a breath, the blue fire of his gift beginning to flicker around him. The younger is also calling on his gift, though his is as golden as his hair, and Billana steps aside as the feeling of it sends sparks through her skin. She retreats to stand with Gandalf, who is watching in the doorway, and wait. They work for some time, though there seems to be little change, until finally the older utters a string of words that can only be curses.

"I can give him _nothing_ while he is like this," he snarls. "Why will he not shift back?" Billana's ears perk up.

"Perhaps the poison is too advanced," comes the reply. "It floods through him almost as quickly as I can burn it out. Or perhaps he can no longer tell if he is safe or in danger." He sighs. "You need to give us _something_ , nadad," he whispers.

"Nadad?" Billana exclaims. "He's said that a few times, when I can hear him. It's like listening through mud."

"But you _can_ hear him?" Gandalf presses.

"What does it matter?" The older dwarf snarls.

"Because if _she_ can hear _him_ , maybe _he_ can hear _her_ ," Gandalf snaps. "Can you hear him now?" Billana shakes her head.

"But I do really have to concentrate," she adds. She only needs to see the expression on her tutor's face to know that he wants her to do exactly that. She closes her eyes. It isn't easy to concentrate with the mutters of the dwarves and wizard, but eventually she finds the raven's voice. Young and terrified. "He's calling," she says, "for someone called Thorin, for nadad, amad," she frowns and one of the dwarves makes a soft noise.

"Call him back, Billana," Gandalf instructs, "call him by name."

"I would if I knew his name," she replies.

"Kili," the young one says. "His name is Kili." Almost instantly the elder begins to berate him and Billana huffs.

- _Kili?_ \- She reaches out with her mind. - _Kili, it's safe to come back. Your friends have come for you. Come back, Kili-_ There is the sound of fabric tearing and her eyes flash open.

She closes them again almost immediately.

The raven is gone, the only sign that it ever existed at all is two black feathers at Billana's feet and a torn bandage that has been flung aside. The golden glow of the young dwarf's gift has covered the bed, enveloping its occupant who would seem to be another dwarf. This one is also young, with hair the same colour as the feathers of her former patient. He is also completely naked.

Billana is no simpleton, she is aware that there are those in the world who have the gift powerfully enough that they are able to learn to shapeshift. She also knows, from experience, that clothing is _never_ part of the shift. It answers many of her questions about why she could not understand the raven or hear him as easily as she normally would. It also answers the question of why she could not heal him far more sensibly than the other reasons she had come up with. Wild magic only works on animals, it has no effect on the other races found in Arda. Billana might be able to rebuild a dog's shattered paw or burn the infection out of a rabbit, but she could never heal so much as a papercut in a hobbit or Man. Nor, it seems, does her magic work on dwarves, but then she had never expected it to.

"I'll go and make some dinner," she excuses herself quickly and darts from the room.

Her cheeks burn as she rushes through the smial, making a quick detour to her small bathroom so that she can wash and change, well aware that she looks a fright. The she hurries to the kitchen, her thoughts full of what she has just witnessed and the implications of it. Not only has she just seen far more of the young dwarf than she believes he would have liked her to, she is now acutely aware of her _own_ behaviour. Fortunately, there is little questionable about his location, her bed is the only one in the smial and the only place she had which was large enough to accommodate the raven. Her tiny smial _has_ no spare bedroom, not that she had ever expected to have a need of one in any case. She has a kitchen and small sitting room, a bathroom and a pantry, her bedroom and the study. The study might have been considered a second bedroom should one seek only to place a small bed within it.

If she had thought about it a little more, it might have occurred to her that the raven's oddities could have been attributed to a shapeshifted mage. Only the most powerful mages are capable of it, however, and she had never expected to meet one in her lifetime. Her own behaviour in light of that, though, is what really makes the blush rise in her cheeks, the raven has seen her without clothing at least once. No wonder he looked away when she undressed.

Dinner becomes little more than a simple meat stew, though she sets aside some of the broth for the raven who is no longer a raven. He will likely want simple food after the healing, most do. Neither of the strangers have emerged by the time she has finished cooking, and she serves herself a bowl. She is well aware of the fact that it is rude to eat without the others, but they are hardly invited guests. Gandalf appears not long after she has sat at the table, serving himself a Man-sized portion into the large bowl she keeps on hand for him. He folds himself into one of the chairs with a sigh, holding his bowl in one hand.

"Will he recover?" She asks her tutor after a moment of eating in silence.

"He will, his brother may not be quite as powerfully gifted, but he is a skilled healer and his uncle has leant him the strength he needed to make it through that." Gandalf replies. "You did well, Billana," he adds. "I asked a great deal of you, perhaps more than I should have, and I am about to ask more still."

"They can stay until he's recovered," Billana assures him, "but they'll have to share the bedroom, I'll be comfortable enough in the study."

"You are kind," the wizard smiles, "but that is _not_ what I was going to ask." She looks at him curiously. "I came to ask you to join us on an adventure."

"You know what will happen if I leave," she replies softly, "I won't be able to come back."

"Do you want to?" Gandalf asks. "They have _never_ treated you well, my dear, and I see little hope of that changing." She sighs. "The journey is dangerous, but the goal is a noble one."

"Tell me," she says and flinches when another barks the wizard's name behind her.

"Ah, Thorin," her friend greets the dark-haired dwarf, "come, I was just about to explain the quest to Billana here, she's the one I mentioned to you."

"She's hardly more than a child," the dwarf replies. "I would speak with you privately." Gandalf scowls but Billana gets to her feet.

"You may as well do that while you eat," she says, "only give me a moment to serve some to take to your friends, then I will be out of your way."

"Billana," Gandalf's tone is soothing, "I am sure Thorin doesn't mean to turn you from your own kitchen." The dwarf's, Thorin's, scowl deepens, and he folds his arms over his chest, but she waves away her friend's concern.

"I planned on doing it in any case," she says. "Sit. Eat," and with that she has filled two bowls, one with meat and vegetables and one with simple broth, and she has darted out of the kitchen.

Thorin directs a scowl at her that makes her heart pound uncomfortably. Still, she resists the urge to linger and eavesdrop. She will find out what they were talking about soon enough she is sure. Besides, she doesn't want the meals she carries to go cold and so she hurries to the bedroom and pushes the door open with her hip. The young dwarves are talking quietly when she enters, and the blond looks warily at her.

"I thought you might be hungry," she holds up the bowls and his face breaks into a blinding smile.

"Famished," he breathes, "healing always takes it out of me."

"Me too," she agrees, taking his reply as permission to move away from the door.

She hands the blond, and she will need to find out his name at some point, his bowl of stew and sits on the edge of the bed with the other, offering it to her former patient.

"You're smaller than I thought," he says. His voice is the same as that distant one she had heard earlier, he's also covered with a sheet and his companion rolls his eyes with a half-smile.

"Well, you're quite a bit bigger than you were," she tells him, and he grins.

"You're just as pretty though," he adds, ignoring the broth she offers him. "Prettier, even, now that I can see you properly. Your eyes are like amber, did you know that?" She glances at his friend who appears to be biting his lips to keep from laughing out loud. "And look at your _ears_! Look at her ears, Fi! They're like tiny little elf ears, but not bad because she's not an elf so uncle might let us keep her. Do you think we can keep her?"

" _Eat_ , Kili," his friend orders, "before you fall asleep in the dinner our gracious hostess has provided."

"Billana, Fili," Kili replies. "Her _name_ is _Billana_. It's very rude to come into a person's home and not introduce yourself."

"How did you know my name?" She asks, taking advantage of his momentary pause to shove a spoonful of liquid into his mouth. If he won't feed himself she will have to do it for him.

"You told me," he says after a few more mouthfuls, "when you were trying to help me. I don't remember everything you said, but I remember your name, and I remember that you were kind and you made me feel safe and that you're really pretty." He grins widely. "I also remember that I saw you naked." Colour flares in her cheeks and his companion, brother she remembers Gandalf saying, chokes on his dinner.

"Kili!" He admonishes once he has got himself under control. "And I wouldn't be so smug about that if I were you. She's seen you naked too."

"That's fine," he replies with a yawn. "She can look _all_ she wants."

"Go to sleep," Fili sighs. A glance at his hand shows a faint golden glow and so Billana is not surprised to see Kili doze off. "Forgive him," she turns her attention from the dwarf in her bed to the one next to him. "Kili has never been capable of discretion after a healing. If it makes any difference, everything he said will have been the truth. If I was of a mind to, I could probably get all his deepest secrets from him at times like this."

"I think that makes it worse," she whispers. "I honestly didn't realise he was anything other than a really strange raven."

"There was no reason you should have," Fili shrugs, abandoning his empty bowl and reaching for the remains of his brother's meal.

"He felt wrong and I couldn't heal him," she shakes her head. "I should have considered it."

"You're gifted?" Fili asks in surprise.

"No," Billana sighs. "Gandalf calls it wild magic."

"I thought that was a myth," he comments and she shrugs. "Not that it really matters, from what my uncle says the wizard usually knows what he's talking about even if he doesn't tell you everything." That she can agree with. "Whatever it is, however, you helped to save my brother's life. If there is ever anything that you need or want, you have only to ask and I will do everything in my power to see it done."

"I would never-" she breathes and then stops when he stares at her with intense blue eyes. "Very well," she agrees after a beat, he doesn't need to know that she has no intention of ever asking for repayment of any kind. "But it would help if I actually knew who was offering." He laughs, the sound rich and joyous.

"Fili son of Dis of the line of Durin, at your service," he bows in his seat, an odd-looking movement. "And the sleeping idiot is my younger brother, Kili."

"Billana Baggins, at the service of you and your family," the words feel odd given their circumstances, but the reply is automatic. Before Fili can respond, though his amusement is obvious, Gandalf appears in the door.

"Billana, my dear, might I request you join us?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have snuck away from the children, not that their friends will be here for a couple of hours, to get this one up. 
> 
> And yes, I have a thing about Kili being a raven. Also movie Kili is a total doofus when sick/dying/being healed, I just ran with it. Because Kili is an adorable doofus and no one will change my mind!


	5. An Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Allow me to introduce Thorin Oakenshield,”

“Allow me to introduce Thorin Oakenshield,” Gandalf says as she steps into the corridor.

“A pleasure I’m sure,” she replies and the wizard scowls.

He can frown all he likes, she thinks, she isn’t going to be offering him any sort of service until she understands why he is here a little better. Thorin glares down at her, sizing her up and she can clearly see that he is not impressed by what is in front of him. Billana knows what he sees; a skinny, fragile girl who is kept isolated by her own people, a people who are soft and too cautious about strangers and the outside world. He sees a creature who cannot possibly live up to whatever role Gandalf has volunteered her to play.

“What is your weapon?” He demands almost scornfully. “Axe or sword?”

“Neither,” she shrugs, and he turns a triumphant gaze on Gandalf. “I prefer a bow, knives if I have to get close but I’m better placed ranged.” She can see that she has surprised him, his hard-blue eyes widening a fraction.

“Gifted?” He snarls.

“No, sir,” she shakes her head.

“And _how_ is she supposed to effectively retrieve the item we require without any form of gift?” He snaps at her friend before she can elaborate further, she has already shown that she has _something_ , after all, but it doesn’t have to be the gift.

“Billana has her ways,” Gandalf replies calmly. “And she is more than capable of moving unnoticed and unseen without the gift, which our target would notice in any case. You asked for a fourteenth member and _this_ is who I recommend.”

“Recommend for what, Gandalf?” She asks.

“She doesn’t know?” Thorin exclaims.

“When I arrived to speak with her, I discovered the situation with your nephew,” Gandalf points out. “I deemed that of greater importance. I shall know better for next time.”

“Explain it to her,” Thorin hisses, marching past, “and while you do so, make sure that she knows to keep silent about the day’s events.”

“Who would I tell?” She mutters as the door to her room closes behind him; he has surely spent enough time in her smial to see that it only has one occupant.

“He has a heavy weight on his shoulders, Billana,” Gandalf sighs. “It sometimes causes his temper to get the better of him.” She raises an eyebrow. “Let us go somewhere more comfortable, and perhaps I could persuade you to part with a drop of that wonderful plum brandy you brew.” The plum brandy is something that she only makes for him, a recipe of her mother’s that she refuses to part with no matter what the other hobbits offer her.

“Very well,” she grumbles, “but if you want the brandy, you’ll be explaining _everything_ , am I clear?”

“Of course, dear girl,” he smiles, “of course.”

Several hours, and half a bottle of plum brandy, later Gandalf has explained, in his own rambling way, the relationship and status of the three dwarves in her bedroom and the exact nature of the quest that he has signed her up for.

“You want me to steal a shiny stone from a dragon?” She repeats. “And you want me to do it so that the dispossessed king in my bedroom can get his throne back?” The wizard nods. “You haven’t told them anything about me? About what I can do?” He shakes his head. “As far as you know everything with Kili was just a coincidence?” Another nod, although this one is slightly hesitant. “What happens after?” She sighs.

“You will be wealthy beyond your wildest dreams,” Gandalf replies and she rolls her eyes; she has no need of wealth.

“I’ll sleep on it,” she tells him rather than refusing outright. She will not accept until she knows a little bit more about the dwarves she will be travelling with.

The following morning finds her sat on a bench by her front door. She has her face tipped up towards the sun and her fingers are digging lightly into the fur of an old tabby. A shadow falls over her and she cracks one eye open, expecting it to be Gandalf. It comes as a surprise to see Kili, fully clothed, standing nervously in front of her.

“Should you be up?” She asks before thinking better of it.

“Fili always prefers his patients are up and about as quickly as possible,” he replies. His voice isn’t quite a deep as those of his uncle and brother, but it is pleasant to listen to. “May I join you?”

She nods. He sits next to her and is silent. Billana doesn’t break it, though she silently urges her feline companion to approach the dwarf. The tabby is soon purring under his attention and Kili seems to relax a little.

“I owe you an apology,” he says finally. “I have been reliably informed that I caused you a great deal of discomfort last night.” She flushes when she looks up and meets dark eyes that remind her so much of the raven she had so casually disrobed in front of.

“You don’t,” she whispers. “I’ve seen people behave strangely after a healing before. I know you didn’t mean it.” He gives her a lopsided smile. “Besides, I think I probably owe you the bigger apology. I should have realised that you weren’t _actually_ a raven.”

“The whole point is that no one is supposed to know,” Kili shrugs, also tipping his head back to enjoy the sun’s warmth.

“That’s because there aren’t many in the world who know animals like I do,” she replies. “Just the fact that you didn’t feel like you were really _there_ should have told me. Probably would have saved us both a lot of embarrassment.”

“Maybe,” he goes silent for a moment. “May I ask you something?” She hums her agreement. “Uncle says you aren’t gifted, but when you were trying to help me, I _know_ you used some sort of magic on me. I could _feel_ it.”

“I’m not gifted,” she mumbles. “Probably would have been easier if I had the gift rather than _this_ , but-” she takes a breath. “Like I told your brother last night, I have wild magic. I can hear and heal animals.” She keeps the rest to herself, better that they don’t know so that she has an escape if she needs it.

“I’ve heard of it,” Kili nods, “and after my _own_ experiences as a raven I believe in it too. My uncle will be harder to convince.”

“I’m just as happy people don’t know,” she shakes her head. “Can I ask _you_ something?”

“It would be unfair of me to say ‘no’,” he grins.

“Did you come to me on purpose? When you were hurt.” Kili bows his head and flushes.

“Part of the reason uncle wants the extent of my gift kept a secret is so that others will underestimate me,” he mutters. “We can use that to our advantage. I’m sure that Gandalf has told you enough to realise that we have enemies.” She nods. “It’s also why he has always insisted that we keep quiet about my ability to shape change. People tend to ignore ravens,” he sighs. “After Gandalf mentioned you as a potential burglar for our quest, Thorin sent me to watch you for a couple of days.” She scowls at him and he holds up a hand in a silent gesture for her to hold her peace. “I was on my way here when a couple of orcs shot at me. I don’t know why, and I didn’t stay to find out. Besides, whatever was on the arrow addled my mind too quickly, if I _did_ know it the information is long gone. I could remember my orders to come here, if not _why,_ and so I followed them.” She looks away. “And I’m glad I did,” she hears him add.

“What will you tell your uncle?” She whispers.

“I have nothing to tell him that he doesn’t know,” Kili replies with a gentle touch to her hand. “I was sick, you took me in and kept me alive until he could get here with Fili to help me. It’s all he needs to know. Your actions speak for themselves. Will you help us?” He asks. “Has Gandalf told you what we’d like you to do?”

“Steal from a dragon,” she huffs. “It’s dangerous.”

“It would be worth it,” he says. “You’d get a share of the treasure too. You have no idea how wealthy that would make you.”

“I don’t want wealth,” she shakes her head. “I never have.”

“What do you want, then?” His eyes are intense, and his expression is similar to the one his brother had worn the evening before.

“A home,” she replies. He tilts his head with an inquisitive frown. “You may have noticed that my smial isn’t in the best repair, and that no one lives nearby or visits.” He nods. “The other hobbits want nothing to do with me, partly because of my magic. They aren’t particularly tolerant of the gift and that’s fairly common. The strangeness of _mine_ makes them more wary of me. If it were that alone I might have muddled through and made a few friends, but-” She takes a breath, she may as well tell him this out now since it will come out later anyway. “But there’s the fact that no one actually knows who my father is. Except my mother, and she’s dead, and maybe Gandalf. He’s never said anything if he does.”

“Do they really care about that sort of thing here?” Kili asks.

“You mean dwarves don’t?” She says in surprise.

“We _prefer_ to know,” he shrugs, “but we judge on deeds and craft, not legitimacy. It’s only important for titles and the like anyway and we document _everything_ so it’s easy enough to work out. None of the others will care either.” She brushes her hair behind her ear and watches as his eyes track the movement. “Come with us,” he grins almost boyishly at her and takes her hand. “Make a home with us when this is over.”

She wets her lips as she stares up at him, even sitting he is taller than she is, and for a moment she is lost for words. She isn’t sure what she expected him to be like, perhaps as serious as his uncle and brother, but this brightly smiling lad is not it. Were it just him, his brother and his uncle she would agree in a moment for that smile. That there will be others makes her wary, however.

“I’ll decide once I meet the rest of you,” she says and his face falls. “How many more are coming?”

“Ten more,” Kili replies, but she can see that he is disappointed by her hesitancy. “They should be here later this afternoon, Thorin far-spoke with them this morning.”

“I better get cooking,” she gasps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a busy day. A very busy day, but I managed to get this one out for you. There's a cut version of chapter 4 posted that would have taken things in a different direction. Imagine how awkward all of this would have been if I had taken that path.


	6. An Expected Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a rule, Billana dislikes cooking.

As a rule, Billana dislikes cooking. Like all hobbits it is a skill she seems to have been born with and is very likely due to the fact that many faunts spend the earliest years of their lives in the kitchens with their mothers. This can be in a cloth sling on her front or back, or under a table watching as she prepares the many meals that a typical hobbit might eat. Some of Billana’s earliest memories are of rubbing butter into flour and carefully dicing carrots under Belladonna’s watchful eye. They are also, however, of arguing that she should be outside among her friends. She has never much liked being indoors, though she enjoys being dry and warm well enough.

She hurries through the smial, airing blankets and cushions which have not been used in years, made during the long winter months alone when the weather is too poor to risk going out. Her tasks are completed between batches of scones and pies and bread. Soups, stews and sauces simmer on her small stove until cooked and then are left to cool for reheating later as she sweeps and cleans.

Fili helps her by ensuring that she has a plentiful supply of wood for the stove and the fireplaces, a job she hadn’t been able to keep up with while caring for the raven. A blush is brought to her cheeks on more than one occasion when she emerges from the smial to find him with an axe in hand and chest bare. He laughs good naturedly when she flushes and replaces his tunic, until the next time she goes out there. If she occasionally pauses in her work to look out of a window and admire the shift and play of the muscles in his broad shoulders, she doesn’t mention it.

Kili and Thorin do not help. Not that she expected anything from Thorin in any case given his status and the way he looks at her like she is a disaster waiting to happen. Kili hovers, offering help which she accepts so long as it is a small and easy job, until Thorin grabs him by the shoulder and drags him out of the way. They end up outside, churning up her small lawn with their steel capped boots as they spar with swords and even fists. Like his brother, Kili seems just as disinclined to keep his tunic on. Billana is able to avoid him, however, by sheer virtue of the fact that she doesn’t need to go to the part of the garden that he and Thorin are using. She watches, it’s hard _not_ to when she catches a glimpse of them through the sitting room window, but she doesn’t approach.

Eventually, however, Kili is sent inside to rest and she’s so absorbed in mentally listing what still needs to be prepared for the evening that she walks straight into him, bumping into a muscular chest that is dusted with coarse dark hair. He catches her with a light chuckle, though she can see that the morning’s activities have tired him, and she forces her gaze upwards to give him a tentative smile while wishing that she could get control of the blush that floods her cheeks. She will have to grow accustomed to this, she thinks, if she goes with them. She is beginning to suspect that dwarves are not like hobbits, who only ever take their clothes off to bathe or change. She’s starting to suspect that dwarves are prone to casually removing clothing.

“ _Bed_ , Kili,” his brother barks and he slips past her with a wave and a cheeky wink.

She lets out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding and turns to see another chest as thickly covered in gold as Kilis’s was in midnight.

“Don’t _any_ of you wear clothes?” She exclaims.

“It won’t be easy to keep things clean on the road,” he shrugs, “and we won’t be stopping to do laundry. No sense in getting things dirty if we can avoid it.” She blinks, surprised that the explanation makes so much sense.

“If you say so,” she mutters, stepping around him and making her way back into the kitchen.

A few hours later she has done all that she can to prepare. The sun is beginning to set, and she decides to take the opportunity to bathe before the others arrive. If she leaves with them Billana knows there will be no time to wash in the morning. The corridor is dark when she emerges, and she will have to light some candles soon even though they are an expense that she tries to avoid when she can. She touches her magic, just enough so that her eyes shift and become those of a cat which are far better suited to seeing in the darkness of the smial.

It is in that quiet moment that the rumble of voices reaches her and it doesn’t take much more to change her already sensitive ears into those of a creature that can hear more clearly than any hobbit or elf. Unlike mages with the gift who are restricted to learning only one form to change into and only completely, Billana can take on aspects and forms of any animal her mind might have touched. Wild magic is strange, but it has its advantages. Her new bat ears twist towards the sound that had aroused her curiosity and she hardly dares to breathe as she listens.

“-any member of the Company!” She hears Thorin bark. “Especially not the girl, should she join us.”

“Uncle,” Fili begins.

“I am not finished,” Thorin cuts him off. “Your games are tolerated in Ered Luin, but there is no place for them on the road. You will _not_ play them, am I clear?”

“Yes, Uncle,” they chorus.

“And you will most particularly avoid embroiling Mistress Baggins in them.”

“We would _never_!” She hears Kili flare.

“She saved Kili’s life, Thorin,” Fili adds. “I’d give her the _world_ for that if I could. Besides, all of our ‘games’ have always been with others who knew what they were about. Quite aside from the fact that we owe her _everything_ for saving my brother, I’d stake my share on her innocence.” Her cheeks flare again, and she takes a step back.

“You can rest assured, Uncle,” she hears Kili continue, “that not only will we take the utmost care to behave ourselves around Billana, we will also ensure that no one _else_ in the Company tries to play on her innocence either.”

She shifts her ears back to normal, not wanting to hear anymore, and turns away to continue down the corridor. It is almost humiliating to have overheard them speaking of her as thought she is an ignorant child. Her mother was a healer and one of the best midwives in the Shire, she is perfectly aware of the subject of their discussion. She is also a prime example of what such antics result in.

The door opens as she is walking away and she startles, turning her head reflexively to see Kili leaving the room with a dark scowl on his face. He smiles when he sees her or tries to, but it lacks the brightness of the ones he had given her earlier. He looks at her closely, the corridor is dark, but she knows that the dwarves see better in the dark than the other races, and then he tilts his head.

“Your eyes,” he mutters, and she silently curses.

“I’m not very good in the dark,” she shrugs, blinking to cover the shift of her eyes so that they return to normal and it looks like little more than a reaction to the sudden light from the bedroom.

“Then we should get some candles lit,” he smiles, having apparently accepted her explanation.

Gandalf, it turns out, has already lit lamps and candles in the sitting room and dinning room and so she sets Kili on the rest of the rooms while she works on getting the food read. By the time the smial has been filled with the cheerful glow of candles they have managed to set the table with as much food as it will reasonably hold, with more in the pantry, and soup warming on the stove. The smial is small, so it feels cramped with the five of them trying to set up. Adding ten others will mean that they will likely spend the evening falling over themselves. It makes her miss Bag End for the first time in months, but even the smallest smials in the Shire are built with comfort and entertainment in mind. The door that leads from the sitting room to the dining room is really more of a wide archway so they will all still be able to interact spread through the two rooms with little difficulty.

The first new dwarf arrives not long after and since she is the first to reach the door, Billana is the one who greets him. She doesn’t quite manage to contain her squeak when she sees him, he’s large, bald and tattooed, with two nasty looking axes strapped across his back. His arms are bare but for the leather cuffs he wears and he stares down at her with a hawk like demeanour. Billana has _never_ felt more like a mouse.

“Dwalin at your service,” he bows.

“Billana Baggins at yours,” she stutters.

“Mister Dwalin!” She hears Kili exclaim happily and Dwalin eases past her to greet the young dwarf.

“He isn’t as scary as he looks,” she hears Fili say from behind her, close enough to her ear that she can feel his breath. “He’s like a guard dog.”

“All bark and no bite?” She asks.

“Oh no, his bite is definitely something to worry about, Grasper and Keeper aren’t there for decoration,” he replies. “But if he decides to protect you, you’re his.”

“How does he decide who he protects?” She mutters.

“Either he takes a liking to you,” Fili replies, “or Uncle orders him to. You’re safe with him, you’re safe with all of us.”

Dwalin is quickly followed by Balin, his older brother who seems almost grandfatherly in appearance but who looks her over with a critical eye until Kili wraps an arm around her shoulders and glares. Next come Dori, Nori and Ori, the last of whom Fili and Kili greet exuberantly which sets the one with silver hair to fussing almost immediately afterwards. Billana is distracted in the kitchen when the final dwarves arrive, preparing a small pot of tea for Dori while he tries to insist that she sit down and relax since she has obviously been working hard all day. She flinches, therefore, when she hears the sound of bodies hitting the floor. Dori moves with surprising speed through the gathered dwarves and Billana follows, hearing the sound of laughter as she does.

There is a pile of dwarves on her floor, with Fili and Kili chortling gleefully at the sight of them as they offer to help the fallen to their feet. Soon she is being introduced to Oin and Gloin, who look at her suspiciously but quickly bustle off to greet Thorin, Dwalin and Balin. Bombur is next and he would make any hobbit envious of his girth and eyes that sparkle with good humour. Then Bifur and Bofur, the first with an axe head embedded in his skull that glitters with grey fire and the other with a ludicrous hat and a laugh as ready and free as Fili and Kili’s had been only moments before.

With the arrival of the final five comes dinner. Billana decides that she has seen animals with better table manner than the dwarves seem to have and yet, somehow, she cannot help laughing at their antics. Even Thorin, who has seemed so regal and distant all day, joins in the merrymaking. She hovers on the fringes, aware that they all know each other to some degree, but Fili and Kili do their best to make sure that she isn’t left out. Occasionally Kili will mutter some observation about one of their companions that will leave her gasping for breath as she tries not to laugh out loud, or Fili will shove the last scone or piece of pie towards her before one of the others can claim it.

“Eat up,” he tells her in a low voice when she tries to refuse, “there are no feasts on the road.”

By the time they’ve eaten everything she feels like she is going to burst. She hasn’t eaten so much since before her parents died and now she dreads the cleaning up.

“Here you are,” Dori says to her, handing her a glass of her plum brandy. “Now, you just sit down and let us get this cleared away. You must be dead on your feet after preparing a meal like that. We’ll handle the rest.”

“Oh, I couldn’t!” She goes to stand, and he sets her back down with a surprisingly firm hand.

“Gentle with our hobbit, Dori,” Fili warns on his way past with a stack of dishes balanced precariously in one hand. Dori sniffs and mutters something at him in their hard language. “Did you hear what your brother just called me, Ori?” Fili laughs.

“You probably deserved it,” Ori replies from a nearby chair where he is flicking through one of her books.

Fili doesn’t reply, having already moved on, and Billana resigns herself to having to watch her guests tidy up around her. Her mother is probably rolling in her grave at the thought of it. The clean up is done with much singing and laughter, a couple of the dwarves even pull out instruments, and their high spirits are infectious enough that she can overlook the insult of her guests cleaning up and relax into her highbacked chair.

Everyone settles around the sitting room once they’re done, leaving the armchairs for Thorin and Gandalf and mostly sprawling where there is space. Billlana gives her chair to Balin and ends up being tugged down to sit next to Kili, who grins brightly at her.

“What news then?” Dwalin is the first to speak. “How many are with us?” All eyes turn to Thorin.

“None,” the king replies. “The believe, likely correctly, that this is folly and have refused their aid. Until the Arkenstone is in my hands we are alone.”

“Cowards,” she hears Kili hiss. She glances up at him and wonders if he will say the same about her if she decides not to go.

“Is that it, then?” Balin asks. “We number only thirteen, with only _two_ war mages in that number. Hardly auspicious.”

“Uncle and Balin are war mages,” Kili whispers. “Fili’s gift is defensive, you know, with the healing and everything.”

“And yours?” She mutters back, their conversation lost in the arguing of the others.

“A bit of this and a bit of that,” he winks. “You’ll have to wait and see, it’ll be a few days yet before I can so much as light a candle.”

Both flinch when Thorin roars for silence.

“You know as well as I that we cannot scry for the dragon, we have no idea whether the rumours of his passing are true. We cannot leave Erebor to fall into the hands of others if the dragon _is_ dead,” Thorin points out, “but the only way to know for certain will be to try and take the mountain.”

“And if the dragon lives, we cannot risk going through the front gate,” Dwalin adds. “It’ll take spells more powerful than you or my brother can wield to stop Smaug.”

“I am aware,” Thorin snarls.

“And I may have a solution,” Gandalf says, pulling a map and key from his robes. “This was given to me by your father,” he tells Thorin, “shortly before he vanished. It makes mention of a secret entrance but gives no clues on how to find it.”

“Then what use is it?” Comes the frustrated reply.

“There is elven magic on this map, Thorin,” Gandalf shrugs and Billana feels Kili wince. “It might take months or years to work out the correct counter spells for ourselves, but Rivendell is on our way.” Thorin scowls. “Regardless, if we can find the location of the hidden door-”

“Then we’ll have a way in,” Kili exclaims cheerfully.

“And we will be able to send our burglar in to retrieve the Arkenstone with Smaug none the wiser,” Gandalf concludes.

“Provided she agrees to come with us,” Thorin replies with an arched eyebrow and all eyes turn on Billana.

It is one thing, she thinks, to have the attention of a flock of sparrows, a herd of deer or a pack of wolves, the latter being something she has only done _once_ and hopes never to do again. It is another thing entirely to be the focus of thirteen dwarves. She shrinks back against Kili a little and he gestures to his brother. Fili nods, flicks his fingers, and golden fires surrounds them effectively blocking the sounds of the others voices and making it harder to see them. She is left with only Fili and Kili, and their eyes are gentle as they watch her.

“You don’t have to come,” Kili tells her.

“We’d _like_ you to,” Fili adds, “but we understand how much we’re asking of you.”

As though from a great distance through the gold she can see Thorin, Gandalf and Dwalin having a heated discussion.

“We’ll look after you,” Kili promises. “And I know the others are a bit much at first, but they’ll look out for you too.”

“Billana,” Fili catches her attention, “if you want to stay, just say as much. None will question it and no one will try to convince you otherwise.”

There is nothing but sincerity in his face, and Kili’s, and she _wants_ so badly to help them and find a place to belong. It is a sudden and startling realisation to conclude that if she doesn’t leave with these dwarves now she will probably always be alone. She nods and the golden fire around them dims and fades.

“I’ll do it,” she says, her voice full of false bravado. “What have I got to lose?” She adds with a raise of her eyebrows in Gandalf’s direction and the wizard nods in silent reply.

“Give her the contract,” Thorin snaps, clearly displeased but just as clearly not going to turn her away.

“Thorin!” Dwalin puts a hand out to stop Balin from handing her the parchment. “The wilds are no place for a gentle lass like her.”

“I think you’ll find, Master Dwalin,” Gandalf grins, “that young Billana here will fair far better in the wilds than any dwarf.”

Thorin settles for a scowl and Dwalin backs down with a grumble. Balin hands her the contract and she reads through it quickly, raising her eyebrows at their list of ways to die and the expenses they are willing to cover. She doesn’t comment on it, although she knows that cutting down to only two meals a day will not hurt her as much as it would had she been more inclined to eat like a proper hobbit, and signs the parchment with a small flourish. She hands it to Balin, who takes it with a satisfied smile and a nod in Thorin’s direction.

“Everybody get some sleep,” he orders, “we will start _early,_ and I’ll not linger for stragglers.” He looks directly at her as he says it and she flushes even though she is usually awake well before dawn.

The dwarves disperse rapidly, Fili and Kili reluctantly wishing her a goodnight before following their uncle down the hall and to her bedroom. Billana makes herself a nest of blankets in front of the stove, curling up there with a sigh. Sleep refuses to come. It is not the sound of dwarves snoring, though it is loud she has shared her space with badgers in the past who are just as bad. It is more that the dwarves have split off into family groups and she feels isolated and alone. A quick look around shows that Gandalf has fallen asleep in the large chair in her study, the only one truly big enough for him, and though she is no longer a faunt small enough to curl up in his lap there _is_ another way to do it. She pads through the smial to the bathroom, grateful for the natural ability of all hobbits to move silently.

Once there she removes her clothes and folds them, carefully hiding them at the bottom of a pile of fresh towels so that no one gets suspicious should they use the room before she returns. Then she takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and touches her magic, concentrating for just a moment. Billana shakes herself once she opens her eyes again, walks from the bathroom on silent feet and makes her way into the corridor. The partially open door to her bedroom catches her attention before she has taken more than a few steps and even though she knows that she should make her way straight to Gandalf she cannot resist poking her head into the room. Thorin sleeps on the bed, already snoring softly. Fili and Kili sleep tangled together on the floor and her feet take her to them before she really thinks about it. Their scent is stronger like this, steel and leather, wood and the faint tang of sweat mixed with the oils they use in their hair. It’s quite pleasant, she thinks as she settles on Kili’s chest. He opens one dark eye lazily, smiles and reaches to scratch behind her ears, earning him a soft purr. He hums, fingers still moving slowly as he dozes off once more and she does the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ran away a little bit, and there was no good cut off point at all so I couldn't split it up at all. I will go more in depth explaining how the two types of magic work for people who don't know the source of it as I get further in, but since this is all Billana's p.o.v. it will be as and when the subject comes up.


	7. An Unpleasant Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The peace broken only by Billana's content purrs as Fili and Kili's fingers dig into spots that have her arching into their hands with a rumbling sigh.

"Hello, pretty kitten," Billana hears as firm fingers dig rhythmically behind her ears. She arches, pushing her head into the caress and hears a chuckle. "Where did you come from, then?"

"She crept in during the night," the chest beneath her rumbles and another hand joins the first to run down her back. A purr bursts from her and her eyes open lazily. "I didn't have the heart to chase her out."

"You never do," is the reply.

They fall silent, the peace broken only by Billana's content purrs as Fili and Kili's fingers dig into spots that have her arching into their hands with a rumbling sigh. It is nearly dawn, she knows, and that means that she should leave. She doesn't want to. She would happily stay this way forever if it meant that she could experience this simple and innocent affection all the time. She had forgotten how _good_ it feels to be treated like this and how much peace she finds in loving hands. She cannot, however, and if she doesn't move soon her secret will be exposed and she doesn't think she could live with the humiliation of the two dwarves who are treating her with such gentleness knowing what she has done. Knowing that she has taken this simple affection that she has not earnt. She stands, rubs first against Fili and then against Kili's cheek causing him to huff a quiet laugh. Then she prowls from the room, waiting until she is outside before bounding into the bathroom.

It takes longer to reverse the process from the night before, to touch her magic and cause fur to fade and limbs to shift and grow, to become a hobbit once more and a cat no longer. It always does when she goes to sleep in a form not her own and if she does it too often she runs the risk of forgetting that she is a hobbit and not whatever creature she has become. She hasn't always been able to do it, shape shifting came easily once she got the feel for it, but as soon as she fell asleep or lost consciousness for another reason she would become a hobbit once more. It took months of practice, and more than one exasperated awakening for her to get the hang of it. Now it is something that she usually does in winter, finding it easier to form a warm cocoon under blankets if she is a cat or dog than a hobbit. Her first winter alone had been the worst, and she had truly feared she would never get warm again, now she hopes that the most recent one will be the last that she has to spend alone.

Once it is done and she has dressed and fixed her hair, Billana creeps back through the smial. It is a relief to see that none of the other dwarves have woken yet and Fili and Kili have not emerged since she left. She might get away with not having to answer any questions, especially as she takes the chance to roll up her blankets from the night before and strap them to the pack she had prepared. The pack is place by the door, with her bow and full quiver, and she turns her attention to breakfast. There isn't much left in her pantry, but in truth she had never expected to be entertaining or hosting fourteen dwarves and certainly not intending on feeding them two meals. Still, there is some bacon, a few dozen eggs and some sausages. Enough to make a moderate breakfast for the dwarves. She prefers something lighter for her first meal and there is milk, cream and oats a plenty for her to make a large pan of porridge as well. She doubts it will all be eaten, or at least not until the meat is gone, but she'll cook it up all the same. There's no sense in letting it go to waste.

"Good morning," Kili says from the door.

She looks over her shoulder at him, willing herself not to blush when she meets his dark gaze. He is wearing more layers than he was the day before, and his hair has a few braids in it, though those seem to be trying to escape their ties already. He isn't as pale as he had been the day before and she smiles rather than attempting to say anything, too afraid that her voice will give her away. Kili accepts it for a greeting and steps into the room, Fili close behind him wearing all the layers of clothes and weapons that he had the afternoon he had arrived but that she hadn't really taken notice of in her worry. He follows, nodding in her direction and making for the coffee pot in silence.

"He isn't much of a morning person," Kili comments. "He'll be a bear until you get some coffee into him. Uncle as well."

"Uncle is almost always a bear," Fili grunts. "Come on," he says, already lifting his coffee to his lips once more. "Let's get this lot up. The last thing we want is for Thorin's mood to get _worse_." Billana takes a breath, noticing the hint in his words. Thorin has woken in a poor mood and it might be an idea to keep her head down.

"Billana," Kili pauses in the door, she turns a questioning gaze on him, "what happened to the cat?"

"Cat?" She asks weakly.

"Pretty little thing, spent the night in with us," he smiles.

"Oh, I let her out," she mutters. "She just stops in sometimes, they all do, the animals that is." She stops herself before she can start rambling nervously.

He follows his brother and she can hear shouts and grumbles from the other dwarves as they rouse them. One by one they stumble into the kitchen blearily, taking food and departing with little more than a mutter. Fili is not the only one that she will be travelling with who isn't pleasant in the mornings. Bofur grins and thanks her, obviously a ray of sunshine no matter the time or place, and Bombur sets himself to cleaning up as soon as the food has been cleared with an understanding smile. She wanders the smial quietly, watching as the dwarves set things to rights around her and fixing the place in her mind. She misses her childhood home, misses the size and comfort of it and her mother's loving embrace. This is not the home of her childhood, dark as it is with the poorly placed and too small windows, the floors that have seen too many feet and the doors that hang strangely on their hinges. With the earth of the hill it has been built into being washed and eroded away by winter snows and autumn storms so that supporting beams are beginning to show through. In another five years she doubts this smial would be standing any longer and none of the other hobbits will help her or take her in. She would be left adrift.

"Are you ready?" Gandalf asks her, holding her bow and quiver out to her. She takes them and looks up at her oldest friend. "It is time to leave, my dear."

"I know," she dashes tears from her eyes. This may not be the home of her childhood, but it was hers. It had been part of her mother's dowry to revert to either Belladonna on the event of Bungo's death, or Billana upon the death of her mother. Without it she would have been homeless sooner and even that had been a near thing. "It's gone time."

She turns to follow the dwarves down the path, feeling Gandalf's eyes in her back and forcing herself to take a steadying breath. It would not do for her to crumble into a sobbing mess now, hardly the impression that she wants to make on her new companions. She walks quietly, head low. One by one local animals appear and come to her side, pressing against whatever part of her that they can reach in silent comfort and farewell then disappearing again as rapidly as they had come. Ahead of her she sees Kili glance back and nudge his brother. Fili's head also turns and then their pace slows until she has drawn level with them, and they fall in on either side of her.

"You'll be back one day," Fili tells her gently. "We'll make sure of it."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to come back," she admits.

"Then you'll stay with us," Kili tells her. "I promised, remember? You'll have a home with us even if you don't have one here." He bumps her gently and she smiles gratefully up at him, then pauses.

They have reached Bywater, she has no idea why she had thought that she might be able to leave without being noticed, or why it hadn't occurred to her that they might pass through to collect the ponies she had heard them talking about the night before. She would prefer to avoid it. It will be market day and even though they had intended on an early start it had been later than Thorin, certainly, would have liked by the time everyone had been ready to depart. The market is busy and there is a hush over it when the thirteen dwarves march through in their armour and with their bristling weapons. Then the whispers start when one of the others spots her, even nestled between the reassuringly bulky forms of Fili and Kili.

"Well," an unwelcome and all too familiar voice says as she passes, "I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all."

The speaker is a female hobbit, her grey streaked curls peeking out from under her bonnet and cotton cap. Her dress is heavily embroidered, enough to be considered almost gaudily by hobbit standards, and her basket is already almost overflowing with her purchases. She walks into their path, coming between Billana and her companions and the rest of the company. Fili and Kili halt beside her, though she wishes that they would continue forward, and she stops with them, though she doesn't step out from between them.

"We'd like to pass," Kili says simply, there is a smile on his face but it not like any smile of his that she has seen before. There is a similar one on Fili's face and it makes them look dangerous, she realises, terrifyingly so. Either the hobbit in front of them is braver than Billana believed or, and this is more likely, she is simply too stupid to realise the danger that she has placed herself in. "Step aside."

"Got yourself a couple of protectors," she sneers.

"Please, Mrs Sackville-Baggins," Billana mutters. "Just let us pass and I'll be out of your hair forever."

"Until you return with another filthy half-breed," the other sneers. "They won't keep you when it happens, you know," she continues, not seeming to notice the way that Kili's jaw twitches and or the way Fili shifts his stance and folds his arms tightly over his chest. "Same as _your_ sire didn't keep your whore mother. Soon as you start to swell no amount of charm will make them keep you, no matter how wide you spread your legs. They won't want you."

"Aunt Camellia," she breathes, the words slamming into her like knives.

Camellia raises a hand as though to strike and Billana flinches away. It would not be the first time that Camellia Sackville-Baggins has struck her, it happened more than once in the months between her mother's death and her relocation to her tiny smial. She is surprised, then, when the blow doesn't land on _her_ and instead sparks a flare of golden fire around her. Camellia yanks her hand back with a hiss and Billana turns her eyes on Fili.

"Try that again," he says almost pleasantly, "and it will not be a _harmless_ shield your hand meets."

Not even Camellia can miss the threat in his words no matter the tone he uses, likely helped by the fact that he is picking at his nails with a large knife as he speaks and Kili has his hand on his sword. This cannot escalate, not for her sake. She isn't worth it. Camellia might be vicious, however, but she is not so stupid as to fail to realise that this is one battle she will not be able to win. Not physically anyway.

"Have a good trip," she hisses, "and when they finally tire of you or find out what manner of _thing_ you are, I hope whatever they do to you is quick, because you will _not_ be welcomed back here."

"Camellia Sackville-Baggins!" She hears Gandalf bellow and she flinches back into herself; this does not need more attention than it already has. "Causing trouble as usual, I see," he comments. She sneers at him. "You _have_ Bag End _must_ you continue to make Billana's life miserable?"

"It's no less than she deserves," the hobbit snaps.

"For the lofty crime of being _born_ ," Gandalf observes with a raised eyebrow. "Come," he says over his shoulder, "it is long time that we departed."

They all move around the other hobbit, Kili drawing her close as they do so that Billana is out of range of the other should retribution be a consideration.

"Why did you not all walk away?" Gandalf asks as the Green Dragon comes into view through the rapidly parting crowds.

"Thorin didn't want us to draw any unnecessary attention," Fili replies.

"Ah," Gandalf nods, "very well done," he adds dryly, and Fili huffs a laugh.

Kili, however, is noticeably silent and when she looks at him, he is clenching his jaw so hard she starts to fear that he will break his teeth and his hands are fists at his side. His grip on her had been gentle, she thinks, hoping that his anger is not directed at her.

"Where have you been?" Thorin demands as soon as he spots them, the others are already mounted and obviously impatient to be off.

"A momentary delay," Gandalf says smoothly, "and my fault entirely, it occurred to me as we left that we ought to arrange for someone to look in on Billana's home while she is away. Fortunately, we encountered her aunt in the market."

"He's calls that fortunate?" Fili mumbles to her and she gives him weak smile.

Thorin raises an eyebrow but seems happy to take the wizard at his word. Billana doesn't know what he sees in her face when he looks at her, suspects that he is seeing a young hobbit who has suddenly realised the implications of leaving her home and is on the verge of shedding tears for it. If she _ever_ sheds tears for the Shire, she decides, they will be of _joy_ for leaving it.

"Mount up," Thorin orders. "We have lingered in this place for too long as it is and I am eager to put it behind me."

"So are we," she hears Kili hiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you didn't think this is where the chapter was going with that summary. 
> 
> Camellia came as a surprise to me, and as more cruel than I had planned and intended. I thought about cutting it, but decided against it. For reasons that will become clear later. Also, canonically, much as fandom likes it to be Lobelia Sackville-Baggins who was the bane of Bilbo's existence she was still a tween at this point and very much still a Bracegirdle. Camellia is her mother-in-law and implied to be every bit as unpleasant


	8. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana’s pony is a gentle creature with a shaggy tan coat and large brown eyes that watch her every move

Billana’s pony is a gentle creature with a shaggy tan coat and large brown eyes that watch her every move. All of the ponies are more placid than she would have expected the dwarves to have chosen and she makes sure to greet every one of them quietly when they stop for the night on the wrong side of the Brandywine to make it to Bree that night and too late for the ferry. The Shire is bigger than most realise, and Thorin had muttered about it a great deal as they rode as though one of their company might have the power to change the geography of the world.

Kili is quiet as they gather around the fire, the flames reflecting in his dark eyes almost ominously. Billana lingers near Gandalf, made wary by his sudden silence and dark mood, even as Fili sits next to him and nudges him with a shoulder. The dark-haired dwarf seems to shudder, blinking confused eyes at his older brother and following when Fili tilts his head. They settle among the ponies, who snort nervously at the ripple of gold fire that surrounds them, and though they are still in sight Billana knows that there is no way she would be able to hear them. Even if she were inclined to potentially reveal her ability to change her shape, she knows that even using bat ears it would be impossible to hear them. Besides, since most of the company are ignorant of her wild magic or think it a pretty fairy tale, she would prefer it remain that way. The longer she can keep them from seeing the truth of her magic the better. She’ll be safer that way, so will they, and she will have an escape if she needs it.

She _hopes_ that never needs to become an option.

Billana retires to her blankets before Fili and Kili return from their discussion, not sure she wants to face them just yet even though Kili seems to be in a slightly better mood. They had been so good and so kind to her the previous day that she had allowed herself to forget the conversation with Thorin that she had overheard. They had sworn to protect her, after Thorin had warned them away from her, by citing that they believed she was completely innocent. Which she _is_ in all the ways that matter to hobbits, but she cannot help but wonder if the poison of Camellia’s words has made them question that certainty. She wouldn’t blame them if they had, they don’t know her and they have no way to know how much Camellia’s lies have hurt her over the years. She doesn’t _want_ them to question it, of course, nor does she want their pity or judgement and she knows that she is doing them a disservice by assuming they think differently of her because of the sharp tongue of one hobbit. After all, Kili was the one who told her that his people judge on craft and deed and she knows deep in her heart that nothing has really changed. Kili had been nothing but kind and open with her _before_ he had received his lecture from Thorin, and Fili had spent nearly the entire day helping. Nothing about their behaviour had changed after that and if the foul words of a hobbit they had never met could change it then they aren’t worth knowing in the first place.

As soon as she is satisfied with _that_ conclusion, however, a treacherous voice whispers at the back of her mind about their kindness. It asks how much of their help had been because they want to give it and how much had been out of obligation. She doesn’t believe that so much gentle behaviour could come from the desire to repay a debt, but she cannot trust it no matter _how_ badly she may want to.

People lie, she knows. Whether they are dwarf, Man, elf or hobbit, people _lie_. Sometimes it’s the little things, like stories of tiny fairies who spread dew drops on the grass or sparing the hurt feelings of another. Over time, however, the lies get bigger and promises built on them are broken. Like Bungo’s promise to raise her as his own, her grandfather’s lies about the condition of the smial she was to inhabit. Lobelia Bracegirdle’s false friendship and the disaster it nearly led to.

Animals don’t lie. They don’t see the point. They can’t hurt her the way other people can. It has been a long time since she placed herself in a position to be hurt by someone. It will be a long journey if she cannot make friends with some of the dwarves, but she isn’t sure she would be able to live with it if they should turn against her.

“Fili!” Thorin barks, startling her. “Set the wards.”

“Yes, Uncle,” she hears Fili reply from far closer than she had thought he would be. She peers out of her blanket to watch him curiously. “Last call for the hedge,” he adds, and the others laugh.

Billana has not had much cause to see the gift used this way in the Shire. Her mother was a healer but her warding and shielding spells had been appalling. Perhaps her mother and Bungo would have survived that winter if the elves had taught her more about protecting herself and less about healing injuries that were unlikely to occur in the Shire. It strikes her as odd when she sees Fili begin to walk around the camp, his steps carefully measured. He pauses at each compass point, moving sticks and stones into funny little piles before continuing until he has circled the entire camp. He says a word, though she has no idea what it is, and golden fire spills from his hands in a mesmerising cascade to fill the strange piles with a brilliant light that rapidly fades to little more than a soft glow. None of the others are watching, she realises, so accustomed to the act that it has become commonplace for them.

It must be _wonderful_ , she thinks, to have such power treated as _normal_. Would they think _hers_ as wonderful, she muses, if they knew she could become the animals? Not just take their form but inhabit their minds. Would they think her wonderful if they knew she could control them completely, or the terrible things she had once asked them to do for her?

The following morning sees her waking before the others. She drifts towards the ponies after packing her bag, listening to their gentle voices as they speak of their hopes for their new herd and their eagerness to be on the road again.

_-The lowlands will be too warm soon,-_ one tells her. _-Our coats are for mountain air and storms. Our people and the children of_ _Aulë have long been friends, the coolness of their great caverns under the mountains is as well for us as the high peaks. We carry them through the lowlands willingly enough.-_

Billana can’t help but watch the dwarves as they travel. Gandalf is riding ahead with Thorin and Dwalin lingers nearby in silence. Bofur is animatedly telling some story or joke that has set Kili, Nori and Bombur to laughing. Balin and Ori are in a quiet discussion of some sort and Bifur is dozing in his saddle while Oin and Gloin gesture to one another, an action she only spots as she passes them.

“I hope you are in better spirits this morning,” Fili says as she comes up next to them and she feels shame heat her cheeks.

“As I can be,” she replies. “I wish you hadn’t seen it.”

“We all have embarrassing family,” Fili tells her kindly with a glare at Kili who seems to be hanging sideways from his saddle.

“At least yours love you,” she mumbles without intending to. 

Fili huffs.

“If he carries on the way he is, I’ll be grey before I’m ninety,” he shrugs, somehow aware that she doesn’t want to go deeper into her own comment.

Gandalf had explained the differences in the way the other races age to her years ago. She very much doubts that he has done the same for the dwarves and she isn’t going to enlighten them. She lets out a small laugh when Dwalin slows enough to match his pony’s pace with Kili’s and leans over to clip the younger about the ear. Kili yelps and Thorin turns with a roll of his eyes, evidently accustomed to that kind of interaction. The Shire is safe enough, however, so he doesn’t seem inclined to rebuke Kili further for his behaviour.

“He’s relieved,” Fili says when he catches her expression and the direction of her gaze. “If Kili were to try that tomorrow once we’ve passed the boarder, Uncle wouldn’t have sent Dwalin to deal with it. He would have knocked Kili from his pony himself and then had us pick up the pace while my brother followed on foot.”

“That seems a little hard,” she says as Kili looks back at them and grins. “He was only having a bit of fun.”

“The world is hard,” Fili tells her, “and we learn that at a young age.”

“So did I,” she agrees softly and he gives her an appraising look.

They fall silent for a short time, although she can’t help but notice that Fili is rummaging through his pockets with a slight frown. He pauses and tilts his head, then grins and holds his hand out to her. She hesitates for only a moment before reaching over and he drops a fine silver chain which holds a quartz pendant into her outstretched hand. There are runes carved into the quartz and they sparkle faintly in the sunlight. She has no idea what they mean, and she turns it over in her hands curiously.

“I don’t usually carry them around with me,” Fili shrugs, “but Gandalf mentioned that the hobbit he had in mind was female, so I picked one up just in case. We give them to our ‘dams when they turn 50.”

“What is it?” She asks and he frowns with a tilt of his head.

“A charm to prevent pregnancy,” he replies. “Don’t hobbits have them?”

Anger coils in her. Just when she had managed to convince herself that Fili and Kili would never take Camellia’s words to heart he has done this. She _wants_ to throw the thing as far from her as possible, but no matter how hotly her temper flares she cannot bring herself to treat something so beautiful so poorly.

“I wouldn’t be here if we did,” she hisses. “And I don’t know what ideas my encounter with Aunt Camellia has given you-”

“Peace, Billana,” he holds up a hand and sighs. “Perhaps I should have explained it before I gave it to you.” She glares at him. “We have no expectations of that nature from you and we never did. However, I have travelled with enough caravans and heard enough stories to know that on long trips many of your companions become your closest friends, some as close as brothers, some close in different but no less intimate ways. Should you _wish_ to take part in such activities it would be best to be safe. If you don’t, nothing has been lost. The charm is yours; you’ve touched it and it’s tuned to you.” She stares at him.

“Why now?” She whispers.

“Because you worried over it,” he tells her. “And even if it never happens, I think you would feel better knowing that you have been given a choice that your mother never was. I admit we thought you would be older, but I always intended that for _you_ , no sense in shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, I think the Men say.”

“Why you?” 

“Of Thorin, Kili and I, I’m the healer,” he shrugs. “I’m also Thorin’s heir, it’s _my_ job to make sure that everyone has what they might need. Oin could have provided you with one, but I doubt it has occurred to him that hobbits might not have them.”

If they weren’t moving, she would probably throw herself over the distance between their ponies and hug him. She has no intention of needing the thing, but she fastens it around her neck all the same, the quartz drop slipping down so that it is hidden under her shirt. There is a moment of warmth, a hum under her skin and she smiles at him in silent thanks. She won’t need it, she thinks, she’ll never need it because sooner or later these dwarves will find out about the awful things she can do, and they’ll cast her aside as well. Even Fili and Kili would turn from her then and she should spare herself the pain and reject this gift which might make her careless with her heart.

She can’t, she’s tired of being alone and maybe, this time, the risk will be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in the books the magic has been lifted from they do actually have such a charm, I haven't plucked it from the air. As for Fili giving it to her, his timing could have been better but his intentions were kind.


	9. Hidden Talents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the days pass Billana begins to grow more comfortable with the dwarves.

As the days pass Billana begins to grow more comfortable with the dwarves. They all have stories of their home and family to tell her, for the most part not seeming to expect her to tell them anything in return. Ori will pepper her with questions about hobbits, endlessly curious in a way that is mildly endearing, until Fili or Kili, often both, appear with laughter and chaos in their wake. Then Ori will roll his eyes, call them ' _menaces to anyone seeking to learn_ ' and withdraw to read over the notes that he has taken. Fili and Kili seem to always have some silly story or ridiculous plan and it doesn't take her long to realise that they are trying to ensure that she is comfortable among them. The time that they juggles knives back and forth while riding, however, is a step too far and she watches them with her heart in her mouth until Dwalin tells them to stop showing off.

Dori mothers her incessantly, when he isn't fussing over Ori, and she accepts it with as much good grace as she can. She has been on her own for four years and as nice as it is to be taken care of, she has been alone long enough to find it restrictive. She _is_ thankful for it, however, when Bofur and Nori's flirting occasionally goes too far. None of the dwarves would hurt her, she's coming to realise, but nor do they always see that they have made her uncomfortable with what must be normal behaviour for them. Dori is always quick to step in with a hard glare or a cuff to the back of the head and she appreciates it.

In turn, she notices that the dwarves are becoming more accustomed to her as well. They no longer seem surprised to see her sat with a bird on her shoulder or a small furry creature in her lap. They will send her amused or annoyed looks when a pony will play up for a dwarf who has upset her and shake their heads when half a dozen animals will crawl out of her blankets with her when she wakes in the morning. They also notice, though they don't understand, her fascination with the way that Fili, Thorin or Balin will ward the camp each night.

Her mother's gift had been like pearl and it was nothing like the bright lights of the dwarves. Not at all like Fili's golden fire, Thorin's sapphire or the same bright orange of a fire in the hearth that makes up Balin's gift. They all keep her attention and make her lips burn with all the curious questions that she is almost afraid to ask for fear of looking foolish. It is Kili's gift, however, that is the most fascinating of all of them to look at. Even many of the others seem surprised by its appearance when Fili finally rolls his eyes in the face of his younger brother's incessant pestering and allows him to do a _simple_ spell. To Billana, who is still marvelling at the brilliance of the gifts around her, it is _glorious_. Kili doesn't do much, just conjuring shapes out of their fire which most of the dwarves seem to write off as child's play, but she can hardly look away. His gift dances around his fingertips, clearly visible in the light of late afternoon, and it is as dark as midnight with the light of a million stars glittering within. It is almost more mesmerising than the characters of fire he is using to tell some dwarf tale or another and he grins when he catches her staring. She startles back when he creates a dragon that is easily twice as big as their campfire and winks at her. The others laugh and she picks up a small stone, no bigger than a pea, chucking it carelessly at him and smirking when it bounces off his forehead. He yelps, surprised more than hurt, rubbing at his head with a grumble and a scowl at the others who seem to find this, if possible, more amusing. Even Thorin, much to her surprise, smirks at Kili.

"Hobbit aim is uncanny," Gandalf comments, "as many a squirrel, rabbit and sparrow has learnt. Billana is among only a few of them who uses a bow and she displays that skill exceptionally well." She flushes at the praise.

"Show me," Kili says, eyes shining. "You and me, three arrows each."

"Is that really a good idea?" She asks.

"It would be useful to see if you can do as you claim," Thorin replies. "We'll need a target," he adds.

Bofur yelps when Fili walks behind him and removes his hat.

"No, you don't," he exclaims. "This hat has seen me clear of three cave-ins. She's lucky and I won't have you poking her full of holes." He rips a loose piece of cloth from his coat, possibly what was once a pocket and offers it to Fili. "Use that."

Fili takes it with a shrug and Billana wrinkles her nose. She has no objection to dirt where it can't be helped, but that rag has a large number of questionable stains on it. Fili finds a tree well within her usual range, and judging by the disgusted look on his face it's an easy distance for Kili too. He gestures for his brother to take it further and Fili glances at her. She nods and he continues for a short distance more before pinning the cloth to the tree with a knife in each corner. Then he draws a mark in it with a piece of charcoal pilfered from Ori.

"Closest to the mark wins," he says as he returns.

"What does the winner get?" Kili asks and Fili grins at him.

"A kiss," he replies, and his brother pulls a face. "Don't lose," he whispers to Billana when she passes him to collect her bow. "I'd much rather kiss _you_ and he's too competitive to lose on purpose."

His words make butterflies erupt in her stomach and she turns wide eyes on the golden haired mage. He winks and she flushes.

"Stop flirting with her," Bofur calls. "Anyone would think you were trying to rig the competition."

Gold, she notices, is already being passed towards Nori, who has used a stick to scratch some marks into the dirt at his feet. Billana takes a breath and comes to stand next to Kili, suddenly aware of how much taller than her he is. Hobbits have notoriously good aim, but Kili is older and has more practice than she does. She takes a breath, reminding herself that she _can_ meet this challenge. It isn't about winning the kiss, although she cannot deny that she is curious, it is about proving to the others that she is as capable of taking care of herself as they are.

"One at a time?" She asks Kili and he nods.

"Ladies first," he adds.

She frowns but nods her agreement anyway, ultimately it won't make much difference. One by one six arrows thud into the tree, clustered so tightly that they may as well be on top of one another. Thorin agrees to retrieve them as an impartial judge, having not joined in the rounds of bets. He comes back holding the arrows wrapped in the cloth and Fili's knives which he hands to his nephew with a wide grin.

"Pucker up," he tells the prince. "It's a tie."

The dwarves roar with laughter, Nori pockets the gold with a wide grin and Fili smirks. She has no idea whether it is real or false bravado.

"Very well," he sighs.

"Ladies first," Kili says quickly.

Fili arches an eyebrow at him and shrugs. She can feel herself shaking as he approaches. She's never _been_ kissed, has never known a hobbit she liked enough, or trusted enough, to _want_ to kiss. Billana hardly dares to look up at him and she she's surprised when he hooks his finger under her chin and gently tilts her face up.

"Relax," he breathes, then leans in and brushes his lips lightly against hers. It's a brief thing, the tiniest caress and the tickle of his beard against her cheeks and just like that it's over. "There," he whispers, and she opens eyes she hadn't realised she had closed. His thumb runs lightly over her chin and he gives her a soft smile before turning to Kili with a full smirk. "Your turn," he declares.

"That wasn't a _kiss_!" Nori objects and Bofur mutters his agreement.

"I agree," Kili grins before Fili can respond and Billana has the sinking feeling that he has some plan up his sleeve. He holds his hand up when Fili approaches. "You never said _who_ the kiss would be from, Fi," he points out. "You know better than that."

Fili gives him a sharp grin, and something seems to pass between them because Kili nods. Then the younger is brushing past the older with a smile that seems somehow darker in the rapidly fading light. It becomes something softer, however, once he is close and he slides a hand up to rest his palm between her shoulder blades. His fingers toy with the end of one curl, hidden by her wealth of hair and something she is sure he isn't supposed to do. For a moment she thinks all he is going to do is stare down at her, but her heart begins to race all the same, then he swoops in. This is no featherlight brush of lips. His caress hers with a single-minded intensity that is utterly foreign to her and which consumes her enough that she can ignore the whistles and cat calls of the other dwarves until he pulls away, still holding her firmly.

" _That's_ a kiss, Fili!" Bofur crows. "I hope you were taking notes, lad."

Fili makes a rude gesture in his direction and Billana steps away from Kili, surprised at how cold she suddenly feels. Then she glances at Thorin. The dwarf's face has pulled into a frown and it is obvious that he had not considered the possibility of this outcome. For a moment she thinks that he is going to berate them but Balin leans in and whispers something. He nods with a glare at the brothers and Kili's triumphant smirk in his brother's direction turns into something else. His eyes run over her face and he smiles sadly at her, his eyes carrying an apology that she doesn't understand and doesn't ask about. She just returns his smile with one of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin should know by now that he shouldn't encourage the boys to do stupid things, they don't need it. They'll do it all on their own. This chapter was actually supposed to go very differently, never mind.


	10. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Billana is woken the following morning by Thorin’s bellow she knows that his mood hasn’t improved

When Billana is woken the following morning by Thorin’s bellow she knows that his mood hasn’t improved. The Company seem to know it as well, keeping their heads down and breaking camp swiftly and silently. Only Bofur, irrepressible as he seems to be, comments.

“You two are in for it,” he mutters to Fili and the blond looks over at his uncle.

“If we’re going down, we’re taking you with us,” he smirks.

“Ah, the cruel and fickle hearts of royalty,” Bofur exclaims melodramatically. “So quick to turn on your loyal subjects.” Bifur passes behind him, smacking him across the back of his head and grumbling something Billana cannot understand. “Right you are,” Bofur says to him. 

He rushes to his pony and clambers into the saddle. It is only as they start moving that Billana realises that Thorin, Fili and Kili are falling behind.

_ -Be good to them _ \- she tells the princes’ ponies, - _they meant no harm_ -

The ponies give her their assurances and she turns her attention forward, surprised when Dwalin falls in beside her. They ride silently, occasionally able to catch the rise of voices behind them, the jovial air of the previous days gone. She feels guilty about that, that they have lost the mile eating conversations and brilliant laughter. She could, she knows, have refused her prize, refused to _be_ the prize, and it was foolish of her to allow her curiosity to get the better of her. She has no idea why Thorin hadn’t pulled _her_ aside as well to take her to task until Fili and Kili approach.

“We owe you an apology,” Fili says. 

“More than one,” Kili adds. 

Neither looks happy, she notes. Kili glares at Dwalin so fiercely that the older dwarf finally snorts and urges his pony forwards, grumbling under his breath.

“We should have made sure you were happy with the wager,” Fili says, “and we should have laid down rules.”

“I shouldn’t have caught you off guard like I did,” Kili interjects. “I took it too far.”

“I didn’t object,” Billana replies, “and I would have if I did.” Fili looks at her sceptically. “I _would_ ,” she insists, “because I know if I had you would have listened.” They seem to accept that, although she’s not sure that they entirely believe her. “But check next time first,” she adds when she notices Thorin lingering nearby.

“Were they at least good kisses, lass?” Bofur asks having also sidled over. “Given the amount of trouble they’ve caused.”

“They were nice enough, I suppose,” she shrugs.

“ _Nice_?” Kili objects and Bofur laughs.

“Nice,” she confirms. “I’ll have to wait until I’ve had a couple more so that I can make a fair comparison. I’ve got nothing else, at the moment, and two kisses doesn’t seem like enough to decide.”

She urges her pony to move a little faster to escape the stunned silence behind her. In truth, her _own_ boldness has surprised her, and she half expects a dozen of Camellia’s staunchest supporters to appear from the hedges having been summoned by her words to berate her. Besides, the kisses, though very different, had been _more_ than ‘nice’ and she doesn’t want to linger and inadvertently admit it.

Later that afternoon the rain starts.

By afternoon on the second full day of rain Billana’s oilskin cloak has given up, the deluge too much for even the most expensive purchase she had ever dared to make. Everyone is miserable, even the mages can do little to keep them dry when they are moving. They use warming and drying spells at night to make them all more comfortable, but it doesn’t ease the misery of the day. Everyone is cold, wet and short tempered and complaints on the matter come from multiple directions.

Billana listens and broods over it, wandering if she should simply turn herself into an otter and have done with it until the rain stops. Kili rides up to her not long later, looking more cheerful than he has any right to given that his oilskin has apparently also lost the battle with the rain, and greets her with a wide smile and sparkling eyes that immediately make her suspicious. 

“Here,” he says in a low voice, holding out his hand to reveal a red stone.

“What is it?” She whispers, not sure why but noting his desire for secrecy, as she accepts it.

“Warming spell,” he mutters. “It’s not the best piece of garnet, so it’ll only last for a few hours,” he adds apologetically. “It’ll do the job for a while and I can recharge it tonight if the rain doesn’t let up.”

“How do I use it?” She asks, although her palm already feels warmer.

“Just put it under your tunic against your skin,” Kili tells her. “Take it out and put it in your pocket when the weather improves. It’ll recharge if you leave it in the sun, or I can do it quickly.” He pauses, his gaze turned away so that she can follow his instructions. “Just don’t tell the others,” she turns wide eyes on him. “I only had one spare piece of garnet, Fili and I always have ours,” he moves the edge of his coat to one side so that she can see the leather cord around his neck.

“Shouldn’t you give it to Thorin?” She asks and Kili laughs, a sound that draws more than one disgruntled gaze their way.

“He’s too stubborn to accept it, and Amad always told us not to dig him out when he forgets something so basic,” he shrugs. “Uncle is a strong battle mage, but he isn’t good at charms. His basic shields can be a bit haphazard too.”

“At least your gifts are useful,” she mutters. “My wild magic has always been enough for me, but it feels useless compared to what the four of you can do.”

“Three,” Kili corrects, taking a quick look around although no one seems to be paying any attention to them. “Even among the Company the real strength of my gift is still a secret.”

“Why?” She gasps. “Surely Thorin trusts them?”

“With his life in battle,” Kili replies. “Not so much with all of our secrets. Get a few ales in a dwarf and he’ll tell you almost anything.”

“I’m amazed you’ve managed to keep it a secret at all,” she observes, “given your apparent need to share every thought after a healing too.” To her surprise Kili blushes.

“That’s one of the reasons Fili is the only one trusted with them,” he admits, “and if we go out for a drink, we take turns. That way if the one drinking gets too chatty-” he mimes falling asleep and she huffs with a shake of her head. “Billana,” she looks at him and finds his eyes have the odd intense look to them again, “your wild magic _has_ a use. It may not be clear _now_ , but it will be.”

His words warm her more than the charmed stone she had tucked inside the linen band she wears to hold her breasts in place of a corset or stays. She grins brightly at him and he smiles at her in return then changes the subject, and they spend the afternoon quietly talking. Eventually they are joined by Fili, who shares that Thorin has been quietly grumbling about his lack of warming charm and they spend a happy, if physically unpleasant, time together until they reach the river.

Billana is immediately wary as she looks at the ford. Hobbits, as a rule, do not like large bodies of water. She enjoys taking the form of an otter well enough, and seeing the rivers and lakes through those eyes is a wonderous experience in itself, but when she is in her natural form she is as wary of water as any other hobbit. She would much rather _not_ cross but Thorin orders them all forward. The water is deep enough that she can see it touching the boots of the tallest dwarves, while the bottom of Gandalf’s rob is submerged entirely, and she shudders. 

They have nearly made it to the other side when one of the pack ponies screams and slips under. There is immediate uproar, four gifts flare to life and the pony pops out of the water gripped by the sparkling midnight of Kili’s gift. The young dwarf deposits her carefully on the ground a short distance away and the reason she went under becomes immediately apparent. A large piece of wood is embedded in her hind quarters, the pony doesn’t even try to stand, and her breathing is clearly laboured. The dwarves look at it in dismay as Dwalin goes to investigate with Oin at his side.

“It’s in deep,” Oin declares, “I can pull it out, but blood loss will likely kill her. If not that it’ll be infection and the water in her lungs. Even if she survives that she won’t walk right or carry a load again.” Billana begins to climb from her pony. “Be kinder to end it now.”

“No!” She gasps, her cry lost in Dwalin loudly mourning the loss of a perfectly good pony and Thorin grumbling about how much time they will lose due to the rest of the ponies having to carry the extra weight. “Stop!” She shouts when Dwalin pulls a knife.

Dwalin’s pony, usually so gentle, clamps her teeth around his arm and the others shift.

“I know it’s not pleasant, lass,” Dwalin growls, “but would you have the beast suffer? Oin can’t heal animals.”

“But I _can_ ,” she insists. “Please,” she steps closer, “let me try.”

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Gandalf nod at Thorin, and the dwarf king makes a gesture towards Dwalin. The guard raises his eyebrows, then rolls his eyes and puts the knife away.

“Guess we might as well make camp,” he sighs.

Billana gets to work, the pony will easily be the largest animal she has ever healed and while she knows she can do it, she’s apprehensive over the possibility that it may not be enough anyway.

She sits on the ground by the pony’s head, though it is wet and cold, and eases the large animal’s head into her lap. Fili and Kili are hovering nearby, obviously curious, and she asks one of them to remove the piece of wood as she reaches for the copper light of her magic. After being untouched for days it leaps to her wishes, slowing the blood flow enough to allow her to rebuild muscle and sinew, to join split blood vessels and burn out the early signs of infection that have been carried into the wound and lungs by river water.

It is dark by the time she is done, and exhaustion gnaws at her. She shivers, feeling the chill of her still damp clothes now that the warming charm Kili had given her has worn off. Someone had draped a blanket over her while she worked and numb fingers pull it closer. Another one is wrapped gently around her shoulders and her clothes are dried and warmed on her body as large hands run down her arms. She yawns widely, her eyes sliding shut as strong arms lift her and she snuggles contently against a firm chest that smells of leather and steel. **** ~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually written a surprising amount today, helped by a wait for my physio appointment (the on going shoulder saga) and then coffee and cake in a local coffee shop because I needed a treat. I should have a few new deleted scenes to go up fairly soon (just for you Skyrere)


	11. The Trouble With Trolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana wakes refreshed, if hungry, the next morning

Billana wakes refreshed, if hungry, the next morning. To her delight the rain has stopped, and the sun has begun to shine. She is less pleased to note that most of the dwarves are looking at her with varying degrees of appreciation. She huddles back down into her blankets, trying to avoid their eyes and flinches when Fili sits next to her. He hands her a large bowl of porridge, laughing when she all but snatches it from his hands and begins to eat as quickly as she can. She scowls at him, especially as he laughs even harder when Kili brings her a second bowl which she finishes just as quickly.

He had been no less hungry after healing his brother, she remembers.

Once she is done she checks over the pony, still desperate to avoid the eyes of the other dwarves. She isn’t accustomed to others being impressed or appreciative of the things she can do. Not as openly as this.

“Pack up,” Thorin orders, seeming to notice her discomfort.

For much of the day their pace is slow, primarily so that they don’t undo all of Billana’s hard work. Fili and Kili ride near her for most of it, fending off Ori’s questions and Balin’s curiosity with a diplomacy that she wasn’t aware that they were capable of. They shield her from the gazes of the others when it gets too much and take her mind off the fact that all of her companions are suddenly far more interested in her past and her abilities than they have ever been before.

By the time afternoon is beginning to turn into evening Thorin and Gandalf have begun a hissed argument in front of them and Billana is becoming eager to seek her blankets and rest again. Something gnaws at her senses, however, and it makes her uneasy as they draw near the ruins of a farmhouse.

Billana always knows what animals are around her. If she stretches and consciously _seeks_ she has a range of about seven miles, when her magic is idle, though, it is as little as three depending on the size of the creature. When she was a child animals had colours, a fox might be the russet of its coat, a dog a lively yellow and cats the colour of fresh cream. Whatever she’s feeling is big and red, which means it is dangerous, grey as stone and streaked through with silver. On its own red is bad enough, the last time she felt it wargs made their way into the Shire, but she has never associated silver with an animal before and it grinds against her in a way that makes her bones itch and her skin ache.

She wants to scream when Thorin declares that they will stay at the ruins, every instinct is telling her to get as far away from the place as she can as rapidly as possible. She says as much to Kili who waves his brother over with a frown.

“Do you know what it is?” Fili asks. She shakes her head, too uncomfortable to trust her voice. She grips Kili’s hand tightly and looks at her toes, trying to find the words to describe what she is feeling. “Billana,” Fili hooks his finger under her chin, tilting her face up, and her foolish heart flutters with memories of the last time he did the same thing, “you _need_ to tell me what you know.”

“It’s just a feeling,” she shrugs, meeting his eyes and willing him to believe her. “Like something awful is out there. It’s just _wrong_ , not like the same way that Kili felt wrong when he was- you know. He felt wrong in a nice way. This feels wrong in the _worst_ way, like nails on a chalkboard.”

“That’s the worst way?” Kili asks.

“When you have ears as sensitive as a hobbit’s? Yes,” she nods.

“What do you think?” He turns to his brother who is looking at Thorin speculatively.

“I don’t like it,” he replies. “I’m not entirely sure how your magic works, Billana-” he adds. 

“I’m not sure anyone really is,” she interrupts to admit, and he gives her an exasperated glare.

“My point is, it wouldn’t matter if we _were_ clear, Thorin won’t accept a bad feeling as a reason to move on. Whatever he’s been arguing about with Gandalf has put him in one of his moods.”

“Moods?” She asks.

“Amad calls them his stone-head idiot moods,” Kili explains. “They’re the times when he gets so set on a course of action that not even Mahal Himself could change his mind.” He looks at Fili. “Do you want me to reinforce your wards with some of mine tonight?” He asks.

Fili glances again at Thorin who is talking to Balin in a low whisper. Gandalf is nowhere to be seen.

“It’s Balin’s turn,” he replies. “You know he would be suspicious if I offered to take it.”

“So we tell him,” Billana suggests. Fili shakes his head.

“Balin will want to talk to Uncle,” he tells her, “and Thorin will deem it unnecessary.”

“He won’t be happy if we say nothing and he finds out we kept Billana’s suspicions from him either,” Kili points out.

Fili pulls a face and for a minute she thinks they are at a stalemate. Then he nods and the three of them go to Balin to explain as best they can what the situation is. Balin listens politely, but ultimately, he acts as Fili had said he would. He goes to Thorin who raises his eyebrows sceptically and gives Billana a chilling glare. Then he shakes his head. He will not move the camp for a hobbit’s hunch, not even one with wild magic that is a strange as hers. She grumbles to herself throughout dinner, twitchy even though Balin sets the wards early just in case. She withdraws after eating to sit among the ponies to listen quietly and see if the local wildlife can give her any clearer ideas of what she is sensing. 

It troubles her to find that there is very little wildlife around. Whatever she is aware of must be more dangerous than she had thought. There is no sign of any deer nearby, no sign of anything much larger than a rabbit, really, even the flocks of birds she would have expected are absent and she remembers Kili commenting on the lack of game as they rode.

Finally, when she is about ready to give up and join the others so that she can wait for the source of her troubled mind to turn up, she finds the fox. Unlike the smaller animals, this one doesn’t ignore her when she reaches out to him and asks what happened in this place.

_ -Three new creatures came with the Big Cold- _ the fox tells her. _-They ate the Man and his mate, the chickens and the sheep too_.-

_ -What creatures?- _ She asks. - _Bears?-_

_ -Not bears. They smell of cold and stone- _ the foxes replies. - _And they hide from the light of the sun in a cave that used to be full of Men-_

_ -Did they eat them too?- _

_ -No, they were taken by the Shadow Men during the Big Eat- _ She translates that as meaning that Rangers took the Men some time in the autumn, which means that no matter what they are the creatures haven’t been here long.

She thanks the fox, who darts away with a warning to be careful and leave the area as quickly as possible. She would, she muses, if Thorin weren’t so set on staying simply because he is being ornery.

Pain blossoms through her and she snaps back to herself so quickly that it leaves her dazed. 

“Knew there was something juicy behind them wards,” a voice says and rancid breath washes over her.

She gags and opens her eyes, realising that the pain she is feeling is large brutish fingers around her middle that are holding her so tightly she struggles to breathe. The things teeth are silver, its nose bulbous and squashed, and its eyes button like under thick brows.

“ _Billana_!” She hears someone yell.

Troll, she thinks and cries out when red fire erupts on one side of its head.

The troll snarls, gripping her more tightly and she lets out a breathless squeak. Then it tips its head back and roars. That is when she remembers that there is three of them, though she cannot draw enough breath to warn the dwarves. It doesn’t matter anyway as thundering feet sound and the other two appear. She wriggles desperately, trying to get free as she hears the dwarves bellowing war cries, swarming their way around the trolls in a deadly dance. Fili, surrounded by the midnight sky of his brother’s gift, is lifted onto the arm of the troll that holds her. His face is a feral mask and he hacks at the troll’s wrist, trying to get it to let her go. It’s brutal, yet she cannot look away and she screams when the troll bats Fili away.

She doesn’t see him land, can’t turn much due to the way that she is being held. The troll’s wrist is bleeding, its grip a little slacker, but it is not enough for her to wriggle free no matter how hard she tries.

“He’s got Billana, Thorin, don’t!” She hears Kili yell over the noise and turns her head to see a ball of blue lightning heading straight for her. 

The troll sees the lightning in the same moment that she does. Billana knows that her efforts to break free so far have not been enough, just as she knows that she has been avoiding doing the one thing which would allow her to free herself with more ease. She also knows that this would be a really bad height to fall from. 

She is out of time and options.

She reaches for her magic, forcing herself to shift form so quickly that it makes her bones hurt. As the troll raises his hand and begins to release her to cover his face she springs from her clothes and bounds down his arm. The troll shrieks when the lightning hits him, and she hears voices screaming her name. There is nothing she can do, she’s too busy trying to make her way close enough to the ground to minimise her risk of injury and the troll has started to lurch in an alarming manner. She leaps as it falls, cat’s paws landing with more certainty than she feels.

The troll, when she looks, is dead. Its face is a twisted wreckage of shattered stone and its hands are missing entirely. She creeps back, suddenly glad that she had escaped when she did even though her ribs are burning from both the speed of her change and the troll’s mistreatment. One of the other trolls has also fallen, massive chunks of flesh are missing from its torso and seeing that his friends have fallen causes the other to turn and flee.

“After it!” She hears Thorin shout.

“What about Billana?” Fili demands. “She fell before the spell hit, I’m sure of it.”

The others are already out of sight, but Thorin has paused. Billana lingers in the shadows. She isn’t quite ready to let Thorin know that she can do this just yet, but this _is_ something that she will trust Fili and Kili with as soon as he leaves. There is a tightness to his shoulders when he looks at his nephews, guilt she realises.

“Find her,” he orders, “heal her if necessary. We’ll deal with the other.”

There is a distant yell and Thorin sprints off. Billana finally emerges, sharp eyes searching for the pile of clothing that Fili must have seen the troll drop. If she can get there before them, she might be able to change back quickly enough to avoid having to explain things.

Then one of them summons a mage light and she lets out a frustrated hiss.

“Where did you see her hit?” Kili asks, his voice so subdued that Billana finds herself trotting straight over to them.

“There,” Fili points, but grabs his brother before Kili can move. “It isn’t Thorin’s fault, Kili,” he says.

Kili glares at him and Billana lets out a soft mewl. Then she winds her way first around Fili’s ankles and then Kili’s. Both dwarves pause and look down.

“Hello again, pretty kitten,” Fili says, obviously recognising the unusual shade of her fur. He bends and scoops her into his arms. “Have you been following us?” She gives him a flat glare.

“We don’t have time for this,” Kili snaps, eyes running over her as she settles herself into Fili’s arms a little. Then his eyes go wide. “Fili, look,” he points. “You charmed the chain, didn’t you? So that it would only come off if she consciously decided to remove it.”

Billana looks down, noticing that the contraceptive charm Fili gave her is still around her neck for the first time. Fili nods, lifting the crystal and she watches the way it sparkles under his fingers, then he mutters something that is probably a curse and buries his nose into her fur for a moment. She lifts a paw and bats his cheek softly then lets out an involuntary purr when Kili scratches her behind the ear.

“Find her clothes, Kili,” his brother orders and Kili withdraws. “Can you change back?” Fili asks. 

She wriggles out of his arms, though he had also been running his fingers through her dark fur, and leaps to the ground. The movement jars her ribs and she makes a pained sound as Kili trots back holding a pile of slightly singed clothing.

“Here,” Fili mutters and the next thing she knows a coat of heavy leather is settling over her.

She debates simply curling up and going to sleep surrounded by the smell of leather and steel and the other odd little notes that make up Fili’s scent. Better still would be if she could get Kili’s coat or tunic as well so that she could add everything that makes him into the mix. Their scents are comforting, she realises, even in her hobbit form she knows she is safe as if she can smell them. She cannot remain a cat, however, and they deserve an explanation as well. She shifts, becoming Billana again slowly under the heavy warmth of leather and fur, pulling the coat tightly around her and hissing as her ribs protest the change and the movement.

Kili hands her clothing over silently, dark eyes glittering under the mage light that still hovers over all of them. Both look away when she begins to dress, small clothes and trousers sliding on with little difficulty. Then she comes to the linen band and her shirt. She groans as she tries to life her arms and abruptly Fili is in front of her and Kili at her back as though he expects her to topple over.

“You’re hurt,” Fili says, and she nods, too sore to chastise him for stating the obvious. “Let me see,” he orders, fingers reaching for the coat. She clutches it closed tightly, staring at him with wide eyes. “There is nothing you have, Billana,” he assures her in a low voice, “that I have not seen before. I _am_ a healer, remember? Let me see.”

She releases her grip on the coat and he opens it just enough to take a quick look. Then he hisses in sympathy and she looks down to see that her torso is one big bruise. Vaguely she concludes that it is little wonder that it hurts to breath as everything catches up to her and her legs buckle beneath her.

“Gentle, Kili,” Fili says when she yelps under his brother’s grip as he catches her. They slide to the ground together, her back against Kili’s chest and Fili knelt before her. “This won’t take long,” Fili assures her.

Golden light seems to fill her, bubbling under her skin. It makes her think of the warmth that comes from hot milk and honey and the decadence of an extra dollop of cream with a large slice of treacle tart. The pain of her bruises, which had been deep and nearly unbearable and that she had hardly dared to show for fear of worrying her friends, eases and the light that fills her recedes enough to allow her to see Fili. His expression is unreadable, concerned but touched with something that she can’t quite identify. His hands are warm against her skin in the chill night air, the callouses on his palm catching against the smoothness of her stomach. He eases them away slowly and she sighs for their loss as she sees him meet Kili’s eyes over her shoulder with a nod.

“Feel better?” Kili asks and she hums. “Good, because we have questions.”

“You knew we would, Kitten,” Fili adds.

“I thought you said I was a pretty kitten?” She breathes, the languid warmth of healing still lingering in her system, and she wonders if she will spill _all_ of her secrets without stopping like Kili would, or if her friends will only ask the questions she had already intended on answering.

“You are,” Kili chuckles, the sound vibrating against her back. “And just how often have you snuck in with one of us as a cat, anyway?”

“Just the one time,” she admits. “I meant to go to Gandalf but-” she shrugs. “Truth be told I have no idea why I went to you instead.”

“Is the shape change part of your magic?” Fili asks. “Why did you choose a cat?” Kili huffs.

“The mage doesn’t choose the form,” he says, “the form is a reflection of their soul.”

“That might be true with the gift,” Billana replies, “but I can be any animal I wish provided I have joined with its mind and experienced the world as it does. I can turn into a good range of animals and birds now, but the cat was the first form I tried and I’m most familiar with it, and I was in a rush just now.” She yawns, a familiar post healing lassitude settling over her and she snuggles back against Kili.

“No sleeping yet, Pretty Kitten,” Fili says, and she smiles sleepily at the name. “I need my coat back and you need to finish getting dressed if you don’t want the others asking questions.”

She opens lazy eyes, not wanting to leave the warm cocoon that is Fili’s coat and Kili’s arms. They have been on the road together for weeks, but they rarely gather together like this. She likes it, finds the same safety in it that she did the night before they left the Shire. She doesn’t want to give that up.

Billana knows she has to, however, and so she lets Fili help her stand. She worms her way back into her shirt with a little discomfort. Fili has healed the worst of her injury, but it always takes time for the whole thing to fade and settle. A good night’s sleep wouldn’t go amiss to help with that.

“How did the troll get past Balin’s warding?” She asks curiously. 

“There are some who can,” Fili shrugs. “Usually creatures that are more elemental. Trolls turn to stone when they die so they are more connected to the earth of the world.”

“If you say so,” she says, not completely understanding his reasoning. “Is there anything else that can do that?”

“Dragons,” Kili replies. She shudders. “There are rumours of others, but they haven’t been encountered in centuries.”

How very comforting, she thinks with a wide yawn.

"Come on, Billana," Kili mutters, "time to sleep." 

He leads her to her blankets and she curls up in them with a happy sigh, dropping off almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to cut this in half. I'm going away for five days and might not get time to type up chapters since I'll be away with the children, the Manbeast and the mother in law (so much yay). It would have been a lovely cliff hanger to leave you all with. But it felt too short so I kept it as it was. A nice extra long chapter for you all to enjoy. I confess, I'm having a little trouble deciding absolutely on the pairing for this story, if you've seen the cut scene already you'll have an inkling as to why. So, should Billana get with Kili, Fili or both?


	12. Wizards and Orcs and Wargs, oh my!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first rays of the rising sun have begun to appear over the horizon as she watches Fili shrug his coat back on.

The first rays of the rising sun have begun to appear over the horizon as she watches Fili shrug his coat back on. Between the scant hour of sleep she managed to get, fighting the trolls and being healed by the golden haired mage the night has vanished. Billana is exhausted, both from her own expenditure of magic over the last couple of days and from being healed of her injuries, and she leans gratefully against Kili who wraps his arms around her when she shivers. She allows her eyes to slide closed once more.

"Have you found her?" Thorin's voice had woken her barely an hour after she had crawled into her blankets curled up between Fili and Kili.

"He's far-speaking," Kili had told her, gesturing to the glittering golden ball in Fili's hands and wrapping his arms more securely around her.

"Yes, Uncle," Fili replies. "She needs some rest but she will be fine."

"We've found the cave the trolls were hiding in, break camp and meet us there. Bring the ponies," Thorin's instructions had made all three groan, but Fili had acknowledged it and turned to them.

"Kili and I can handle it, Billana," he tells her, "I want you to rest some more."

"I can help," she insists.

" _Billana_!" He snaps, his voice firm and she shrinks back into Kili a little. He sighs. "As your healer I am ordering you to rest. As your _friend_ ," he kneels in front of her and places his hands on her shoulders. "As your friend I am _begging_ you to _never_ do something like that to me again." He runs his hands down her arms so that he can take her cold fingers in a firm grip. " _Please_."

"I second that," Kili adds.

"You realise the whole point of having me with you is to send me into a dragon's den, don't you?" She tries to tease and realises that it falls flat when Fili winces.

"We'll cross that chasm when we get to it," he replies. "Promise us?"

"I promise to _try,_ " she replies. Neither dwarf is happy with the answer, but they don't argue any further and she is forced to watch as they break camp quickly. They gather the Company's belongings rapidly until all that is left is the blanket that Billana is wrapped in.

The ponies follow Billana without question when she asks them to, though they dislike having to pass so near to the trolls. Many of them had bolted during the fighting but Billana had tracked most of them down while waiting for Fili and Kili and the stragglers join them quickly.

"I don't suppose Thorin thought to mention where this cave is?" Kili grumbles, and Fili shakes his head.

"Follow me," Blllana tells them. Her pony can already smell the cave and her eyes are wild with the danger that comes with the scent.

Soon enough they find the cave, and even Kili pulls a face at the pungent smell that emanates from it. Gandalf, it turns out, had reappeared at some stage during the night and is quietly admonishing Thorin for not listening to her warnings. At this point the only thing that Billana really cares about is getting some sleep and she lays awkwardly along her pony's neck, closing her eyes and falling rapidly into a light doze.

She is woken by Gandalf, who looks her over with concerned blue eyes until she flickers her gaze to Fili. Her friend is with his brother, examining a few knives that they must have found in the cave.

"How do you feel, my dear?" He asks her as she stretches and sits up.

"A little sore," she admits, "but it's nothing that a good night's sleep won't cure." Gandalf grumbles. "If you're that upset about it maybe you should stay next time you argue with Thorin instead of marching off in a snit."

"I was scouting the path ahead," he replies loftily. Then he smiles. "I did find something that _you_ might find useful. And I am certain that your new friends will be happy to teach you how to use it properly." He hands her a sword, or, at least, a hobbit sized one. To a Man or elf, or even a dwarf, it is little more than a dagger. A glance in Fili and Kili's direction shows them watching with interest. "The blade is of elvish make,"Gandalf continues, "so it will glow blue if goblins or orcs are around."

"Oh! How useful," she exclaims, not happy, as such, but aware of the value of such a gift with the Misty Mountains ahead of them. Something niggles at her, however, approaching rapidly and with those same traces of silver that she had felt from the trolls. "Something's coming," she tells him urgently, "something odd. That way." She points and Gandalf turns.

What emerges a few moments later is quite the filthiest looking Man that Billana has ever seen. He's dressed all in brown with a large hat that might once have been much like Gandalf's but that is now crushed and rumpled. Bird excrement covers the matted hair on one side of his face and it makes Billana itch. It happens and she understands it, but she always cleans up straight after when caught. Her attention, however, is caught by the six rabbits which pull the sled the odd being rides upon.

They are almost three times the size of regular rabbits and she catches brief flashes of silver in their mouths and on their paws. Not entirely natural creatures, she thinks. She approaches cautiously, completely ignoring whatever the newcomer has to say to Gandalf, reaching tentatively out with her mind.

- _Hello_ \- She greets them.

Six pairs of eyes turn to look at her.

- _You are not like these others-_ One says. - _But nor are you like the Brown or the Grey one. What are you?-_

 _-I'm a hobbit_ \- she runs gentle fingers over a velvety ear.

- _We have seen hobbits-_ the speaker replies. - _You are not a hobbit-_

"That's impossible!" The newcomer says and she flinches. She turns to look up at him. "My rabbits don't like anyone except-" He trails off. "Oh my! Gandalf is she-?" Gandalf nods. "But that was forbidden! After all the trouble we had with- _Why_ would he do this?"

"I haven't been able to find him to ask," Gandalf replies. "Believe me, I have tried. When I _do_ , however, rest assured that I will know _every thing_."

"Oh dear, oh dear," the stranger groans.

"Radagast," Gandalf presses, "this matter has waited and can wait longer still. This quest cannot. Is there any way that-"

Red floods Billana's senses, missed only because the presence of the rabbits seems to have overpowered them. The ponies scream and instinctively she pins them in place so that they cannot flee even as a warg emerges from the bushes and launches towards Dori. It falls with an arrow in its neck courtesy of Kili. The others reach for their weapons and Billana would grab hers as well except that all of her energy is going into ensuring that the ponies don't bolt. Another warg appears not long after the first and is dealt with by Dwalin. Some of the others come forward to help her with the ponies, who are fighting her control, but she can hear them muttering that where there are two wargs a pack will surely follow. Without the ponies they _will_ be caught. With them they stand a chance if they can find a safe place.

The fight with the trolls has left them all exhausted. Mutters say that Thorin and Balin's gifts have been depleted by the fight with the trolls and a lack of sleep means that they are likely in the same position she is, slightly recovered but not enough to be truly effective. If there are mages among the orcs, rare but it has happened, the Company will be in far more danger.

"The orcs outside the Shire were no coincidence, Thorin," Kili says. "We're being hunted and the why's and wherefore's aren't important right now."

 _This_ is the Kili who is kept hidden, she realises, the one with the gift so powerful that he can shape shift. The one that Thorin sends out to spy on his enemies and allies, and who must be far more intelligent than he lets on. She would be surprised if anyone outside of his family, Dwalin and Balin, have heard this tone from him in the past. She wouldn't be too surprised to find that they haven't heard it from Fili either. She has heard them speak as princes in line for positions of trust and power once or twice, but only in private when the others are too occupied to notice or care.

"If we're leaving," Billana grumbles into the silence, "it needs to be _now_ before I lose control of the ponies."

They all look at her, then at the quivering ponies, the whites of their eyes showing just how badly they want to run, and she will _have_ to release them in a moment or risk hurting all of them and herself as well. Thorin bellows an order and they all mount.

 _-We'll keep you safe-_ she promises - _and we're leaving, please don't throw us-_

The only indication that she gets that the ponies have heard her is that none of them are unseated. She doesn't have time for much else, her focus shifting to keeping her seat as they follow Gandalf who has promised to lead them to safety.

The wargs catch up eventually, faster and not as heavily burdened as the ponies are. Billana attempts to touch the mind of one and recoils in disgust. She has never touched anything like it. Not even the dog of Farmer Maggot's that went rabid had felt like _this_. She withdraws and puts an arrow through the throat of an orc that gets too close, noticing that Kili is doing the same while Fili and Nori throw daggers. Ori has a sling that he is proving surprisingly accurate with, but the others all have to wait for their opponents to come to them, and sooner or later Billana and the others will run out of ammunition.

Wargs and orcs keep coming, Thorin and Balin use their gift as much as they can but even from a distance Billana can see the sweat and exhaustion tugging at them. She sees the moment Kili decides to bring his gift into play, having left it largely untouched, but battle spells take time, energy and concentration and all three of those are in short supply.

If Billana were wearing boots, her heart would drop into them at the sound of a horn from ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! London was fabulous, although I didn't get to fully indulge my dwarfish side in the Natural History Museum and trawl through the mineral room with all the lovely stones and gems to peer at. I didn't get as much writing done as I would have hoped either, but the next chapter is roughly drafted, the one after is almost done and several new outtakes have popped up as well. More to type up than I realistically have time for. But we'll get there.


	13. You Led Us Where?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't take long for Billana to realise that the horns belong to elves

It doesn't take long for Billana to realise that the horns belong to elves, something which is confirmed moments later when a dozen on horse back charge past them and clash with the pursuing orcs and wargs. The Company can only watch, their ponies nearly spent and, in truth, so are its members.

A dozen elves make short work of half their number of remaining orcs and wargs and it would be a good thing, if the immediate reaction of every dwarf hadn't been to close ranks around her. It makes her feel caged and Billana has reason enough to fear those. Then one of the elves rides forward and removes his helmet. His hair is dark, and his face is vaguely familiar though Billana knows that when her mother had returned to the Shire she had been an infant. His eyes run over the Company, lingering on her for a moment as an odd expression crosses his face. Dori, who is closest to her, shifts as near to her as the pony will allow and the elf's eyes move on until they find Gandalf.

"Mithrandir," he says, "I might have known that this had something to do with you."

"Lord Elrond," Gandalf replies, though he does not try to defend against the accusation, and he inclines his head respectfully.

Billana startles, she knows of Elrond, of course. Her mother spoke of the Lord of Imladris fondly, she had spent six years living under his roof after all, and he had been the one to bring Billana into the world. Her mother had gone so far as to teach her daughter to speak Sindarin, the language of the elves, although she is rusty now that she has no one to use it with regularly. It is Elrond's sons that she is most familiar with. Elladan and Elrohir had escorted her mother back to the Shire and they check in with her periodically. They had given her the bow she carries and taught her how to use it. They have also told her many stories of their father and she wonders if they are among the elves who have come to their rescue.

She doesn't have to wonder for long.

The dwarves are offered refuge in Rivendell, as Gandalf must have known that they would be, and the offer is grudgingly accepted by Thorin after a brief glance around shows him that everyone is too exhausted to go much further. If the greyness of his skin is anything to go by Thorin is on his last reserves as well. Billana has heard much of Rivendell and has longed to see it for some time. Knowing that Thorin had wished to pass it by she had secretly promised herself that she would ask Gandalf to bring her here should she survive the quest. Kili's offer of a home in Erebor had been kind, and Billana longs to believe it will become a reality, but she fears the dwarves will turn on her in the end, just as Camellia had predicted.

"What are you doing here, Dilthen Rís?" The elf who rides beside her as they make their way into the valley asks. She cannot see his face, but she doesn't need to. It can only be one of the twins. "It is not safe for you."

"Very few places are," she replies, "and it was Gandalf's idea." She adds. "So don't get snippy with me. He asked and I didn't see any reason to turn him down." The elf in question gives her a long look.

"I can think of one with no effort at all," he says. "Ivanneth is still some months away."

"And yet Gandalf suggested it," she shrugs.

"Do they know?" Comes the concerned reply.

"They must do," she mutters, "at least, Gandalf implied that he told them." He breathes her name in exasperation and the tone tells her which of the twins it is. They both know that the wizard has a habit of not always sharing pertinent information. "I'd have to leave eventually; you know that the smial was already starting to fall down and when it finally did, I'd have nothing left and no one truly willing to help me. I used up the last of my grandfather's good will getting a roof over my head in the first place. At least this way I have left on my own terms."

"Is this _elf_ bothering you, Billana?" She hears Gloin demand.

"Not at all," she forces herself to smile, realising that they have arrived in a courtyard. "Elladan is an old friend." She glares pointedly at the elf who bows his head.

"Rooms have been prepared for you so that you might bathe and take your ease," Elrond announces. "A meal will be ready shortly that you would be most welcome to join us for, or should you prefer to dine alone I will have trays sent to your rooms."

"We shall join you," she hears Thorin reply, but it is as much an order to the company as it is an acceptance of Elrond's offer.

The elf nods and they are quickly escorted inside. That is when the problems seem to start. The elves immediately move to separate Billana from the rest of them so that she might wash and change in private. While she has become accustomed to the dwarf idea of communal bathing, she has always bathed out of sight of them on the road. There is immediate uproar when a she-elf approaches to lead her away and more that one of the dwarves step forward to block her path. She turns pleading eyes on Fili and Kili.

"Please don't cause trouble," she whispers. "What are they going to do to me?" Fili looks at the elf maid dubiously. "Fili, please," she breathes, " _please_ , we all three of us know that I can escape if I have to." She doesn't tell them that Elladan and Elrohir know it too, they don't need to know that now. The princes exchange a look.

"Very well," Fili mutters with a grimace, "but promise you will come straight to us should you become uncomfortable for any reason."

"I promise," she squeezes his hand.

"Billana's willing to go with them, Thorin," Kili says loudly, "I think we've all learnt by now that it doesn't end well to stand between our hobbit and the promise of a bath and food."

She stamps on his toe, though it hurts her foot more than it does him, and he gives her a brilliant smile. The other dwarves part, however, and she follows the elleth with a mutter of apology. The elf waves it off as nothing less than she had expected of dwarves and _that_ makes something in Billana clench angrily. The dwarves have been nothing but good to her, for the purpose of this quest she is one of them, why should they _not_ protect her from a potential threat?

The room she is shown to, while large, is equipped with furniture and facilities scaled for a hobbit. The bed, although it's still over large, is low to the floor, the chairs are of hobbit build rather than the flowing elvish lines that she had seen on her way to the room. To her immense pleasure there is also a copper bath filled with steaming water. A soft summer breeze fills the room through open doors to the balcony, carrying the scent of flowers from the garden below.

"As I understand it, these rooms belonged to your mother," the elf says before she can ask. "I will leave you to bathe," she continues, as though oblivious to the pain her words have caused, "and return to help you dress. We have a few things which were made for her that Belladona was never able to take back to the Shire. One of her dresses should fit you well enough."

She breezes out silently and Billana takes a moment to look around the room. Elrond must have been fond of her mother, she thinks, to have kept her room this way. Belladonna had trained the last gifted healer herself, so there was no reason for the elf lord to keep the room like this. After what happened to her mother, after all, there was no reason for him to believe that he would be trusted with the training of another hobbit lad or lass.

The scent of jasmine reaches her and reminds her that her bath is waiting for her. Not wishing the water to cool, although she suspects that it has been charmed to remain warm for as long as she needs it, Billana strips and immerses herself. She will have time to explore the room later, she knows, and the hot water is marvellous on her aching body even if it has been scented. Ordinarily she wouldn't bother with a scent of any kind, her animals dislike the way that it masks her natural odour, but she is so happy to have the chance to be truly clean that she cannot bring herself to care. She simply lathers and soaks and rinses until what feels like years of dirt has been removed. The bath water is still warm and she lingers, enjoying the way it eases muscles abused by the last few days.

"It's a nice room, this," she hears Kili say and she yelps, "its even got sensible furniture."

"What are you doing here?" She demands, peering over the edge of the bath to see her friend wandering about the room without a stitch of clothing on. "I'm _naked_!"

He grins at her over his shoulder.

"So am I," he shrugs.

She forces herself to look away, though she suspects that when she closes her eyes the image of him will replay through her mind for weeks. Every inch of him is toned, his muscles seeming to play under his skin as he bends or twists to examine something new.

" _Kili_!" She snaps in exasperation, careful to stay as low behind the copper side of her tub as she can.

"Thorin was worried so he sent me to check up on you," Kili tells her.

"Thorin?" She raises her eyebrow.

He pulls a face and a blush dusts his cheeks as he glances over his shoulder at her. He has been careful not to turn in her direction, she's noticed, and this is only the second time he has looked at her. Both of those times have been little more than a glance.

"Fili and I were worried," he admits. "Thorin decided it wasn't the worst idea we'd had when I offered to check on you."

"Well, I'm fine," she assures him a little tartly, "but you won't be if that elf comes back and finds you're still here."

"I see your point," he says. "See you at dinner." He leaves, still careful not to look at her, and a moment later she hears wings.

Billana clambers out of the bath and reaches for a towel, grumbling to herself about ridiculous and over-protective dwarves. She'll need to get them back somehow and when the elleth walks back in only minutes later Billana knows exactly how she's going to do it. It will take time, but she hopes it will be worth it. When she explains her plan to the elleth the elf maid grins and tells her that she knows just the thing to add. It takes time, but soon enough she is ready.

She takes a deep breath as she stands outside the hall where everyone has gathered, she is later than the rest of them and she can already hear the voices of her dwarf companions. Perhaps, she thinks, this was a bad idea. The quest is a serious undertaking and being dressed up like some sort of doll isn't going to make them take her seriously. It's too late now, however, so she smooths the skirt of her dress down and steps through the door.

At first no one seems to notice and given her nerves she can't help but think that is a _good_ thing as she starts towards the table. Then she spots Kili talking to Dwalin, sees him look her way and pause mid-sentence. Fili turns a moment later, his attention obviously caught by his brother's sudden silence. His gaze makes something in her shiver, though he seems no less stunned. The dress, she will admit, is stunning and she can hardly believe her mother only wore it once, or that she is now wearing something so fine. The fabric is made in such a way that it almost shimmers, likely some elvish application of the gift, which is only aided by the golden colour of it. The embroidery is of healer's herbs and done entirely in black thread. The fashion for hobbit party wear has hardly changed and though she is smaller than her mother it is nothing that a little creative lacing hasn't fixed. She doesn't recall ever having felt this feminine.

Dwalin glances over to see what has gained Fili and Kili's attention and she sees him smirk and shake his head. He nods in her direction and Balin, who is beside Fili, turns even as Dwalin smacks Kili on the back of the head. The younger yelps, which seems to draw the others attention too, then both scramble from their seats. The stunned silence is about what she had hoped for, a simple reminder that she is female and would appreciate occasionally being treated as such, it comes as a surprise, therefore, when Fili reaches her first and bows, offering his arm to her.

"Allow me to escort you to dinner," he almost purrs and she wills herself not to blush as she accepts the offer with a smile. Kili raises his hands in good natured defeat and winks at her before returning to his own seat as Fili shoots him a smug smile.

She has arrived late enough that the only seat left is the other side of Balin, though the old dwarf moves up so that she can sit beside Fili. She slides into the seat he has vacated happily, placing her opposite Dwalin instead of Kili as had obviously been planned. One thing she has learnt already, however, is that it is not always wise to allow the princes to get their own way.

"You look lovely," Balin tells her.

"Thank you," she beams at him. "It feels like too much, honestly," she adds. "The gown was my mother's, none of the others that she had left here were in a fit state to wear. I wouldn't have taken so long but they found these exquisite hair clips to go with it and that meant having to style my hair, which is a beast at the best of times."

Even seated as they are Billana is shorter than every dwarf she is with and she sees Balin take a glance at the clips of gold and some black stone that the elves had procured for her. Knowing the dwarves as she is coming to, she expects him to shrug the work off as the inferior efforts of their hosts. She is surprised, then, to find that Balin's eyes go wide and he leans closer to her, only to jolt away when Dwalin kicks him.

"No elf made those, lass," Balin says when she asks if there is a problem. "I would need to see the maker's mark to be sure, of course, but I remember a broach belonging to Thorin's mother that had a similar stone made by Durin V. It is not outside the realms of possibility he made those for one reason or another."

"I can give them to you after dinner if you like," she offers. "I'd do it _now_ , but they're the only thing holding this mess out of the way." She notes with some concern that her four companions have all gone red in the face and she stares at them in confusion.

"Offering to unbind your hair," Fili finally chokes out, "is a way of asking your companion to come to your bed."

He keeps his voice quiet enough that only _she_ can hear him. The elves are setting food onto the table in front of them, plates piled high with bread and summer salads, mushrooms and savoury tarts. She hardly sees them, her face flaring scarlet and mortification filling her. Only the elves around them and the dismay on her companions faces stops her from running. She can hardly believe that an offer made with such innocent intentions that would mean nothing in the Shire could be taken in such a way among dwarves.

"It's alright, lass," Balin says with a kind smile as he pats her hand. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. I think, perhaps, Fili and Kili are right," she stares at him. "We have ways of talking without words or gift," he clarifies, "and _they_ have been insisting that we should tell you more about our customs."

"Balin," his brother growls.

"No, Dwalin," Balin shakes his head. "In this I will go against Thorin and _you_ and anyone else who might object. For the duration of this journey Billana is one of us. She should have _some_ understanding of what that means. Imagine if she had spoken so to Bofur or Nori? Or _worse_ , Gloin?"

Dwalin pauses in his grumbling and looks down the table at the red head. Then he shudders. Even Billana has come to try and avoid the subject of Miris and Gimli. If she wanted to hear others extolling the virtues of their spouse and children, she would visit the Great Smial in Tuckborough more often, even if she is only welcome there for short periods. Balin nods and Dwalin flicks a quick gesture at him, something she has seen all of the dwarves do on occasion but had not realised that it might be a method of communication before now.

"You see my point," Balin agrees, "and Gloin is rarely quick enough of thought to think it a misunderstanding _before_ overreacting. It had not occurred to me to see the point of it until now." Balin confesses. "Our secrets are _ours_ and not for outsiders. It serves us well, usually, because we so rarely need to work with others." He falls silent momentarily as the elves set piles of steaming meat in front of them.

"Billana is going to stay with us," Kili interrupts, "when this is over, I mean, I've already told her that she can." Balin gives him a shrewd look.

"Have you, indeed?" He asks. "That's quite an impression you must have made, lass, not that I can find a reason to object and I doubt Thorin will have reason either by the time we're done." He glances around, obviously mindful of their elven hosts. "For now, I see no harm in telling you that hair is of great importance to dwarves in many ways. We use it to judge ages, craft, status, even whether another is married or in mourning." She gapes at him.

"Uncle keeps his beard short in memory of those who fell when Smaug came to Erebor," Kili enlightens her. "Mine was shaved when I came of age to make way for adult growth," he shrugs, "though most archers keep theirs short. It's probably _one_ of the reasons so few dwarves use the bow." Dwalin shoves him good naturedly.

"The care of one's hair and beard is personal, Billana," Balin continues. "It's a sign of trust or intent to let another care for it, braid it or declare you will unbind it for them. The only time it is acceptable to take it out publicly is while bathing, as you're aware we often prefer communal baths rather than private ones."

They have been eating as they have talked, Billana recovered enough from her embarrassment to think of a dozen questions she would like to ask. The way her dinner companions keep looking around them, however, is enough to tell her that even _this_ much is more than they would usually say in front of elves. It makes sense, then, that they have missed the increasingly tense atmosphere at Lord Elrond's table until they hear raised voices and Thorin's outraged exclamation.

"You would have us take a _child_ into a dragon's den?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get the chapter up but it might have a few more bobbles than usual because I'm tired and it would not stop. The Sindarin was translated using an online translator so has been appropriately butchered:
> 
> Dilthen Rís: Little Queen  
> Ivanneth: September.


	14. Terrible Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You would have us take a child into a dragon's den?" 
> 
> Warnings in the opening notes and tags updated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one mentions attempted sexual assault and attempted rape. If this is a trigger for you I recommend skipping the end of the chapter after Billana goes to see Fili and Kili, I'll sum up what happens in the end notes (nothing to do with our boys, they are everything wonderful and awkward about the whole thing)

"You would have us take a _child_ into a dragon's den?" Throin almost roars and Billana flinches.

"Billana is _not_ a child," Gandalf declares into the sudden silence and she shifts as all eyes turn on her. Fili and Kili, especially, look uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is taking.

"Nor is she yet of age," Elrond replies, "and she will not be, as hobbits reckon it, until the end of September, something I am well aware of as I helped her mother bring her into the world."

"If her own people do not care that she is not of age," Gandalf points out, "then what can it be to _you_? Belladonna declared me Billana's guardian in the event of her mother's death and I have given my blessing for her to be involved."

"Then your judgement is flawed," Elrond responds coolly.

Billana, unable to listen to their argument any longer, gets to her feet. For a minute she considers fleeing. She hates being the focus of attention, especially as the results of that have so often been negative, and she has suffered enough humiliation as a result of her own ignorance this evening. The three males are discussing _her_ future, however, and she is certain that none of them possess _all_ of the facts though Gandalf will be aware of more details than Elrond or Thorin. She summons her courage and makes her way over.

"Billana, my dear," Gandalf says when he sees her approach.

"Don't you 'my dear' me!" She cries, shaking and near tears but determined to stand up for herself even though she fears what may happen as a result of it now as much as she has in the past. The dwarves, at least, will hopefully respect her more for it. " _You_ gave me to understand that Thorin was _aware_ of my age."

"I most certainly was _not_ ," Thorin snarls. "I am neither my father, nor my grandfather, I will not permit _children_ to die for my battles."

" _You_ are assuming I _will_ die," she snaps. "You're also assuming I would have survived much longer in the Shire in any case." She huffs. "I am not _like_ other hobbits and the fact is they barely tolerate my existence. If I were to run into any sort of difficulty I would be truly alone, especially once my grandfather passes. As it happens, I have found more acceptance and care among your Company than I have among my own people." Thorin's face softens slightly. "I would have been forced to leave eventually anyway; this way is better."

"I speak only out of concern," he tells her, though there is a coldness to his tone that makes her want to shrink away and hide. "I am not happy about the deception, but the fault for _that_ does not lie with you, I am aware of that." She bobs in acknowledgement.

"I, too, speak only due to my own concerns, Mistress Baggins," Elrond agrees. She stares at him, feeling years of anger and resentment bubble to the surface.

"You'll forgive me, my lord," she says, "for finding that a little hard to believe. Your sons have visited regularly and have told you many stories I am sure. I have not once hidden the reality of my circumstances from them. They have never extended an invitation to me, in _your_ name or otherwise, to return to Rivendell with them and remain here. Such an invitation has already been made to me by the dwarves, though I don't yet know if it has Thorin's blessing." She regrets the words almost as soon as she says them, aware that they will have placed Thorin in an uncomfortable position.

"Kili?" He asks, his expression more gentle than she had expected. She nods, her cheeks heating slightly. "He has every reason to think well of you. As do I. Should we succeed you will be welcome among us."

He turns to look at Elrond and she sees the smug gleam in his eyes. She may have backed him into a corner, but it has given him the victory of being able to offer her that which one who claims to have known her since her birth, and who says he is concerned for her wellbeing, has neglected to. Any sort of victory over an elf, she knows, is of significance to Thorin. She looks at Elrond, fear filling her at the thought that she might have offended him. He is gazing at her, however, with something that might be sorrow in his ancient eyes.

"You are correct," he replies. "I made the assumption that if your circumstances were truly dire my sons would have simply removed you from your home for your own sake. They were doing you the courtesy of giving you a choice, and accounting for your hobbit sensitivities," that she would have been raised to never arrive without an invitation. "I should have extended the invitation and should Thorin decide that you should not continue with his Company you would be most welcome here."

"Your offer is charitable," Thorin sneers, "but Billana will continue as one of us, should _she_ wish to, provided certain conditions are met." He waves a hand. "A matter of four months is not so dire as years."

"What sort of conditions?" She asks, almost fearful of what the answer will be.

"Only that Gandalf name a guardian in his stead should he decide to vanish again," Thorin's reply is mild, but the dig is obvious, "and that your contract be co-signed by _both_ of them."

She almost expected there to be more to the matter than that and she wonders if this is another game designed to show up the elves. Her courage, however, is spent and she has nothing left to give to the discussion. Nor does she desire to be the centre of attention any longer. She gives them a stiff bow and excuses herself, something they accept graciously. She will never say it, but Billana is proud of the fact that she doesn't start running until she is out of sight of the dining hall.

Her room, fortunately, is easy enough to find, having a good sense of direction has always been a necessity among the rambling lanes and roads of the Shire. Once there she slips out of the fine dress as quickly as she can, hanging it over the back of a chair and setting the fine hair clips on the dresser. Then she crawls into her bed, surprised by how exhausted she feels, and falls quickly asleep.

Dreams plague her. Dreams of her past and the secrets about it she keeps from everyone except Gandalf. Dreams of the future when even her friends might one day look at her in disgust. The fear that they might turn from her wakes her. It is dark outside, the room lit only by a sliver of moonlight. She is alone and cold, and she desperately misses the noise and warmth of her friends. She debates, for a moment, the wisdom of changing form and going to them. Her room is too high for any animals to reach her here and keep her company as they usually would, and she isn't sure that Elrond would tolerate _that_ on top of her performance at dinner. She lies there for a short time, aware that only Fili and Kili know of her ability to shape shift and equally as aware that of all of the dwarves she has the least to prove to them.

Besides, what Thorin doesn't know won't change his opinion of her and she needs her friends more than she needs Thorin's approval right now. She debates going to the twins, but she has no idea where they might be in this sprawling settlement and doesn't want to spend most of the night searching.

Since Fili and Kili know her as a cat, that is the form she takes. Once she finds the right path she is able to smell the dwarves clearly and she trots through the corridors as quickly as her paws will allow. Surprisingly, when she does find them, the dwarves are _not_ piled in one or two of the rooms they have been given and it takes her a moment longer than she would like to find the right room. She briefly considers the possibility that Thorin will be in with Fili and Kili, then decides that she simply doesn't care and nudges the door, which has been left ajar, open. She pushes her way in quietly and flinches when she hears the door close behind her.

"I had a feeling you would show up," Fili says from the bed. Both of the princes are sat up looking at her, dressed for bed though there is no sign that they have slept even though the must be as exhausted as she is. He tosses a shirt to her. "We won't look," he assures her before nudging his brother.

Kili huffs and, somewhat dramatically, flops back to pull a pillow over his face. She can hear him grumbling into it as she changes back, something about having seen it all before and she clamps down on the blush that threatens. The time for being embarrassed about the past is done and he will always tease her about it if she keeps letting it get to her.

"I'm done," she says after a moment. The shirt she has been given is one of Fili's and it makes her feel like a child playing dress up as she rolls the sleeves so that she has use of her hands. Judging by their amused grins, her friends have had similar thoughts.

"Up you come, Pretty Kitten," Fili says as they both lean over to help her.

"How did you know I'd come?" She asks once she has clambered onto the bed.

"Even Thorin realised dinner must have been difficult for you," Kili shrugs. "Gandalf had no business keeping your age from us."

"Thorin wouldn't even have considered taking me if he knew," she shakes her head. "He as good as said it. The only reason he's agreed to keep me on is because he doesn't want to give Elrond the satisfaction of having me stay here." They exchange looks.

"Billana," Fili's expression is so concerned that she knows instantly what he is going to ask about and dread fills her. "What did you mean when you told Thorin that you didn't think you would survive the Shire?" She bows her head and sighs, this is not part of her past that she wants to disclose and yet, now that he has asked, she finds she _needs_ to answer.

"It happened after my mother died," she whispers. "Before that no one wanted to anger her because even though she had made the poor decision to keep me she was the best healer In the Shire. We have a complicated set of social rules," she explains. "I suppose if a pair of dwarves fall out, they trade a few blows and go on with their lives?" Kili nods. "It isn't like that at home. We use words. Believe it or not the things that Camellia said to me the day we left weren't the _worst_ she's ever said to me, or about me. Hobbits aren't, as a rule, physically violent, not when a well-turned insult can hurt for longer and do a lot more damage over weeks." She falls silent, her hands finding the hem of the shirt she's wearing. Fili touches her arm, the lightest brush but it causes her to flinch away from him almost violently. The confusion on his face makes her start talking again. "After my mother and Bungo died I woke one night to find Camellia had drugged me, let a male hobbit into my room and tied my hands to my bed."

"She did _what_?" Kili hisses, his voice tightly controlled. Beside him Fili has gone rigid, his face blank but his eyes are dark with fury.

"Nothing happened," she assures them, "a mouse had bitten me on the ankle to wake me and I turned into one and escaped. Then I turned into an owl and flew to my grandfather in the Great Smial to ask for help. He was furious and made sure that I received my inheritance but that was all that he could do. The damage had been done by Camellia's actions, and I don't know if she had planned for it to go further or not, what little reputation I had was in tatters and the rumours won't go away. Every now and then a hobbit, or a group of them, will come and offer me money for the same service. Most go away as soon as I refuse, some take a bit more persuading."

Fili puts his head in his hands.

"So, at dinner-" he says and doesn't need to say more.

"I was mortified," she replies. "I would have run right then if the elves hadn't been laying out dinner."

"And the Shire?" Kili asks.

"They would have driven me out in the end," she whispers, "my magic and lack of father would have been enough without the other rumours about what Camellia tried to turn me into. Or one day someone would have refused to take no for an answer and would have been too aware of my methods of escape for me to get away. The only times I was safe were when Elladan and Elrohir were around."

"Why not leave?" Kili demands.

"Where would I have gone?" She chokes back a sob. "Here? Where Elrond only thought to claim I would have been welcome _after_ I shamed him into it? The Shire was the only home I had ever known. I didn't _have_ any other options."

"Until you met us," Fili concludes, but she can see his understanding of why she was so hesitant to go with them and to take the charm he had offered her dawning in his eyes.

She nods and this time when he touches her, she sinks against him. His arms come around her, squeezing in support as she finally allows herself to release the tears she has been holding back. Kili shifts to her other side, taking one of her hands and holding it tightly enough to hurt although he seems at a loss for what to do otherwise. They whisper to her, words she knows and others she doesn't have a chance of understanding until she calms.

"Thorin was almost beside himself with glee when we got back from dinner," Kili tells her, obviously wanting to take her mind off the reason for her tears.

"I thought he would have been embarrassed or angry," she whispers, her face still buried in Fili's chest and her nose filled with the comfort of his scent, even if it is dulled because she is a hobbit.

"No, it was definitely glee," Kili grins. "You managed to give our host the kind of set down Thorin could only _dream_ of, with good enough reason to not get us all thrown out." She yawns and his brightness, even though she could see it was forced, dims. There is a fondness in his dark eyes, however, that fills her with warmth. "Go to sleep," he whispers, "we'll look after you." There is a deeper promise there, she thinks, something she will need to ask about another time.

She should go, she thinks, but she's warm and safe here. She has nothing at all to fear from them, nor any of the others. Besides, she can hardly keep her eyes open as the last two days, and her discussion with the princes, catch up to her.

As she dozes off, she hears them talking softly.

"You were right, Kili," Fili whispers, "she's never going back there. I'll burn the whole Mahal damned place to the ground before that happens."

Sleep claims her before she hears Kili's reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped it; Billana tells Fili and Kili that after her mother died Camellia drugged her and tried to sell her to another hobbit. She has no idea if it was meant to succeed or just destroy her reputation and ability to live in the Shire, only that she woke up before anything could happen, turned into a mouse and escaped. Over the years following others have approached her expecting her to accept money for services and sometimes they don't take no for an answer, forcing her to change form and flee. She feared that one day her methods of keeping herself safe wouldn't work anymore. Fili and Kili are incensed but offer her friendship, comfort and protection, if awkwardly. 
> 
> Also, Thorin apparently still has issues with how young so many of their soldiers were when they tried to reclaim Khazad-dum.
> 
> I need chocolate and a hug. I'm going to leave Billana in her safe (because I've lost track of how many times her thought process involves how safe those two doofuses make her feel) FIli and Kili cuddle pile.


	15. Elves and Dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana wakes just before dawn

Billana wakes just before dawn, wrapped around Fili and with Kili pressed tightly against her back. She is warm and feels more rested than she has in too long and that makes her debate going back to sleep and enjoying this sanctuary for as long as she can. She decides against it, however, knowing that she has no idea when they are due to depart and not wanting to press her luck with Thorin or Elrond. Instead she transforms and races back to her room, darting past a number of elves who have already begun their days though she doesn’t recognise any of them. There is no sign of the twins, although the form she takes that they are more familiar with is somewhat larger, and she breathes a sigh of relief when she makes it into her room apparently unnoticed.

She has just clambered into her cool bed after slipping her nightshirt back on when there is a loud knock at the door.

“We know you’re awake, Billana,” she hears one of the twins call after a second knock and she sighs.

“Then why are you waiting for an invitation?” She calls back.

The twins slip in quickly, settling themselves at the end of the bed with crossed legs and apologetic expressions. It is _not_ something that Billana is accustomed to seeing on them and that makes her instantly wary of their purpose for visiting.

“We heard about dinner last night,” Elrohir says, she has always been able to tell them apart, much to their irritation. “We should have been there.”

“Ada thought it would be a bad idea for us to be in a room full of dwarves,” Elladan adds.

“He was probably right,” she replies as she clambers out of bed and goes behind a screen to dress. Her travelling clothes have been washed and returned to her, so she makes quick work of it. “But everything worked out.”

“We’re still worried,” Elrohir tells her. “Dwarf promises aren’t always what they seem. It’s possible you’ll make it to the end of this venture and find that Thorin has no intention at all of letting you live with them.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it,” she shrugs. “Besides, the offer didn’t come from Thorin originally, it came from his nephew, Kili.”

“And what did he want in exchange?” Elladan asks darkly. She blinks, they know full well that she would never accept an offer made with _those_ kinds of terms.

“Nothing,” she replies, surprised the question is even being asked until she remembers that they know nothing about the circumstances of her meeting Fili, Kili and Thorin. “I can’t tell you _all_ the details, only that I saved Kili’s life. He and Fili have been good friends to me.”

The twins exchange looks.

“Do any of them know that you can shape shift?” One asks.

“Only Fili and Kili,” she says it warily.

“Keep it that way,” Elladan instructs and she raises her eyebrows at him. “That way you will be able to escape if they play you false.” 

“You’re being ridiculous,” she hisses, even though she has had the same thought more than once over the last several weeks. “None of them would do that.”

“And _you_ are being naïve,” Elladan snaps. “You have _no_ reason to trust that the dwarves will keep to their word. Your own people all but turned their backs on you!”

“Like _you’ve_ done much better by me?” She exclaims. “Every autumn you left me there! You never once asked if I wanted to leave, not even when I told you how afraid I was or when you helped to shore up the west side of the smial! Not once!” Large hands move to cradle her cheeks.

“Billana,” Elrohir says soothingly, “we’re sorry. We see the world differently. It should have occurred to us and we’re sorry it didn’t. We’re sorry you had to go to these dwarves for help when it should have been us.”

“No,” she sighs, “no, you have a point. I should have asked, and I didn’t. I’m as much at fault. We won’t be here long; I don’t want to spend that time arguing with you both. It’s going to be a while until I see you again after this.” The unspoken worry that she might not survive to see them at all doesn’t need to be said.

The elves nod and the three share a quick embrace before her old friends spirit her away to show her their favourite places in their home.

As the days pass Billana comes to admit that the elves hospitality is flawless, if a little forced at times. The dwarves, however, seem to take delight in pushing elven patience to it’s limits. As a rule their antics are harmless; being occasionally found where they aren’t meant to be, sparring in the gardens instead of the training rings, raucous laughter until the early hours and the odd harmless prank, most likely Fili and Kili, while they linger in the hidden valley and wait for the day that Elrond finally has the right light to allow him to break the concealing spells on Thorin’s map. It’s mostly boredom, she knows, there is little for many of them to do other than wait, although she doesn’t see as much of Fili and Kili in those first couple of days as she would expect.

Even Billana balks, however, when she inadvertently discovers thirteen dwarves playing in one of the fountains. She isn’t the only one shocked, she realises when she looks down the path and sees Elrond at the far end of it. His face has taken on a pinched expression and she ducks out of sight before he can spot her, not wanting to be included in his ire at this particular action. The twins creep past her not long later and she suspects that their father may well have decided to turn a blind eye to whatever mischief they have chosen to make, for he surely cannot have missed them on their way here. She follows and, sure enough, they pause hidden in the bushes near the fountain.

It turns out that when taken by surprise elves rather resemble startled cats. She stifles a giggle when they turn with nearly identical hisses although she doesn’t bother to hide her wide smile when she looks up at them and asks, again, what it is they are planning. Elladan holds up a sack and gestures to the piles of clothes the Company have abandoned. Her grin gets wider, the situation a familiar one when with the twins.

“They’ll see you and catch you,” she breathes.

“That’s part of the fun,” Elladan reminds her.

“Want some help?” She asks. Elrohir looks at her suspiciously and she shrugs out of her clothes and rolls her shoulders, there are things that are different with the twins.

This time, when she changes, she takes on the large form of one of Farmer Maggot’s dogs. Those animals are massive creatures whose heads come up to hobbit shoulders normally and that generations of his family have been able to breed and train them is a subject of much discussion in the Shire and suspicion for Billana. Her friends grin at her, then the three of them sneak carefully through the bushes, Billana tugging piles of clothes to the twins so that they don’t need to come out into the open. 

In a remarkably short amount of time every stitch of clothing belonging to the Company is inside the sacks. It looks like they’re going to get away with it and Billana is beginning to consider shifting back to her hobbit form when she hears voices and freezes. Their theft has been discovered. The three shrink down, wriggling carefully away. Billana gets to her feet and shakes herself once they are clear, looking for her discarded clothes. The twins, she knows, are planning to lay the Company’s clothes out on the steps up to the guest house and she wants to find a good place to watch without being spotted.

“Ah,” she hears Elrohir say and she turns.

Fili and Kili have found them, apparently not at all concerned about the fact that they are not wearing anything. Given their recent activities, however, she concludes that it is almost natural they wouldn’t care, dwarves bathe communally, after all, and as a rule they seem proud of their bodies and scars. Her first thought is to slink away, then Fili grins at her and she knows that he has spotted the charm about her neck.

“Hello, Kitten,” he says.

“I know dwarves tend to have terrible eyesight, but even _you_ should be able to tell that’s a dog,” Elladan quips and Billana growls at him, turning her back so that she doesn’t see any more of the dwarves than she already has and mourning the fact that she may not have thought this through properly.

“We know our kitten,” Fili replies.

“Collared her, you mean,” Elrohir sneers as he reaches for the charm Fili gave her. She pulls away.

“It’s not a collar,” Kili hisses, “it was given to her before we knew what she can do. If Billana _wants_ to take it off, she can. She knows that. What business is it of yours?” 

This whole situation is going to end badly, she realises with a sigh. All she really wants is for her friends to get along with one another, but she knows that the rivalry between elves and dwarves is ancient and likely far stronger in their hearts than their friendship with her. She barks, once, ending on a low growl that draws the attention of all four to her. She whines as soon as they look at her and even though she loathes changing in front of others as a rule she does it anyway, snatching up her long tunic and pulling it over her head as she does so. Then she unclasps the necklace and removes the charm. There is a flicker of something on Fili’s face as she hands it to Elrohir so that he can examine it carefully.

“Do you know what this does,  Dilthen Rís?” He asks her.

“Fili explained it,” she replies, “and I want it back, so don’t you _dare_ damage it.”

“They’re concerned, Kitten,” Fili steps forward, obviously realising that the four of them have upset her. “Not that they need to be,” he adds with a pointed glare at the twins.

“We’ll decide that for ourselves, thank you,” Elladan says stiffly, he reaches to stop his twin from returning her necklace and Elrohir moves around him with a scowl.

“ _I_ will decide it,” Billana hisses. “You are all my friends, _all_ of you, but this is _my_ life and _my_ decision.” She takes her necklace back from Elrohir and replaces it. “Dan, Roh, I’m going with the dwarves. They haven’t collared me or chained me or taken me against my will, and they _won’t_. Gandalf wouldn’t have brought them to me if he thought they would be a danger to me.” She isn’t entirely certain that last statement is true, but she has reason enough to trust the young princes, they’ve had plenty of opportunities and not taken any of them. “Fili and Kili-” she turns to them and pauses. “Put some clothes on.”

She marches away, carrying her own clothing, with as much dignity as a half-naked hobbit can manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butchered Sindarin:  
> Dilthen Rís: Little Queen.
> 
> It's Rivendell, everyone is having a bit of a relax, apparantly for Fili and Kili relaxing means not wearing many clothes. Also, I know fanon quite likes the idea that the twins and the boys would be instant friends. I think protective instincts towards Billana is making them all wary of one another.


	16. A Time To Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than once during their stay in Rivendell Billana finds Fili and Kili in the library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Jimiel, because even though most of the fic is your fault, the first half of this chapter is why we have spent four chapters in Rivendell.

More than once during their stay in Rivendell Billana finds Fili and Kili in the library pouring through books and scrolls, muttering to each other or writing frantically. They always glance up when they hear someone enter and usually when they see it is her, they will smile and carry on. She has no idea what they are up to and given the way that they quickly hide whatever they have been working on to start smirking and muttering whenever another member of the Company walks in, she very much doubts that she _wants_ to. Given the number of pranks that have been played over the two weeks they are in residence Billana has become certain that whatever they have been doing in the library a great deal of it has been planning mischief.

She is naturally suspicious, therefore, when she passes a room and hears them bickering inside.

“We aren’t all as vain as _you_ ,” she hears Kili snap as she slips in. “I’m sorry I don’t spend half my life with my nose glued to a mirror studying my face and fiddling with my beard!”

“At least I _have_ a beard to play with,” Fili snarls back.

If she couldn’t hear them, Billana would assume that the room was devoid of life. The only thing that it seems to contain is row upon row of barrels and crates, making it a storeroom of some kind. She works her way through the crates until she finds her friends and she immediately has questions, one of which being to wonder if she accidentally hit her head without realising it on the way in.

Fili and Kili are still ranting at each other, neither wearing tunics or undershirts, the older with his arms folded over his chest and the younger leaning in with his arms spread wide. She hesitates, not sure if it would be wise to get between the two of them, but her questions seem to be burning into her tongue, especially given she can clearly see a second Fili and Kili who are stood silently and impassive watching proceedings.

What in Vána’s name?” She mutters. “ _What_ has gotten into you two?” She asks loudly enough to be heard. They both turn to look at her.

“ _That_ is not my face,” Fili replies, gesturing to the silent and alarmingly blank looking version of himself.

“Of course it is!” Kili cries before she can reply. “I’ve had to look at it every day for my _entire_ life. I know what his _face_ looks like.”

“What _is_ it?” She asks, stepping forward to examine the others. They don’t move, don’t blink or respond to her as she peers up at them.

“ _Wrong_ ,” Fili grumbles.

“Simulacrum,” Kili says over him, “we’re experimenting with making realistic illusions of ourselves.”

She has so many questions from that but the first is:

“ _Why_?”

“Why not?” Kili grins and she decides that she might be better off not knowing. He looks at his brother, who is scowling at his double. “Why don’t we let Billana decide how accurate they are?” He suggests and her eyes go wide.

“We’ll argue about it all day otherwise,” Fili agrees, obviously still bristling.

She licks her lips and nods, gesturing that they should stand next to their doubles and not quite trusting herself to speak. It isn’t easy to see if there are any difference to start with, her attention is fixed on their blank expressions and dead eyes which makes it harder. Eventually she resorts to standing on tip toe to examine Fili’s face more closely, resting her palms on his bare chest to avoid toppling over.

“If you wanted a kiss, Kitten,” he rumbles, their faces so close together that it would hardly take anything to touch his lips with hers, “all you had to do was ask.” She pokes him in the ribs and he chuckles.

“Don’t you think you might have made Fili’s nose a bit big?” She asks Kili instead of replying. He sighs and gestures. “Better,” she nods, “and his shoulders should be broader and the muscles more defined.”

“You’ve been paying a lot of attention,” Kili mutters as he adjusts the illusion.

“Well the two of you are apparently allergic to wearing clothes,” she snips and Fili grins at her. “Don’t you start smirking,” she says, “you haven’t exactly done Kili justice either.” She informs him and he shrugs as she pokes Kili to get him to stand still.

“They don’t need to be quite _this_ accurate,” Kili comments a while later as she walks around both him and his double.

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” she replies, “but since you got me involved, I’m going to make it as accurate as possible.”

If she is honest with herself, and she thinks that she probably should be, she is enjoying having the chance to look them both over properly without fear of reprisals and accusations of inappropriate behaviour. Kili, she has noticed, is more slender than his brother, with an archers shoulders and arms. She lays a hand on the simulacra as she looks over the changes, commenting when she is startled by how warm and solid it feels.

“That’s the point,” Kili tells her, coming forward to examine the changes. He pulls a face. “Well _that’s_ deflating.” He mutters.

“Not nice seeing yourself as others do, is it?” Fili mumbles and she looks at them both.

“Is my nose _really_ that delicate?” Kili asks in disgust.

“Do my braids really look that foolish?” Fili responds, reaching to touch one of the beads that hang by his mouth.

“You’re a pair of idiots,” Billana laughs fondly. “You’re both incredibly handsome and any dwarf lady would be lucky to have you.”

“What about hobbits?” Kili winks.

“Stop fishing,” she replies with a light blush, though she knows he cannot be serious, “it doesn’t suit you. Now, I’m leaving so that you two can finish doing whatever it is that you need to do with these creepy things, and when whatever stunt it is that you’re pulling inevitably goes wrong I’ll be able to pretend that I have idea what you were up to.”

“We’ll tell you, if you like,” Fili offers. She shakes her head, retreating quickly. If she knows what the things are going to be used for, she will never be able to keep a straight face.

She doesn’t get a chance to find out what they were planning. Thorin marches in later that night, what can only be minutes after Elrond has broken the illusion spells on the map, and announces that they are all leaving _now_. Billana is close enough to hear Thorin ask Kili if he would be able to get to the courtyard the White Council are meeting in and find out what is happening.

“I think they would notice a raven at night, Uncle,” he replies in a low voice. “Not to mention the listening spells I’m sure they will put up.”

“I could do it,” she offers, even though she’s aware it would mean exposing her abilities to Thorin as well.

“No!” Fili, Kili and Thorin all bark at once. She blinks.

“You are not yet of age,” Thorin says, “and as long as Gandalf has to remain here you will be in the care of your other guardian.” He looks behind him. “Balin!” He shouts.

“You bellowed?” Balin says as he ambles over with a genial smile. He is one of the few, she has noted, who gets away with teasing Thorin on occasion.

“Will you consent to the role of guardian to Billana Baggins for as long as Gandalf cannot be with us?” Thorin demands and she startles.

“Of course,” Balin smiles, “I was about to make the offer myself. Is that acceptable to _you_ , lass?”

“Yes,” she stammers, amazed to have been consulted on the matter at all. Truth be told, she had thought they had forgotten about that condition of her continued journey with them. Gandalf, she knows, has been trying to avoid it out of his own reluctance to place her under the possible control of anyone else.

“You don’t _sound_ happy,” Thorin growls.

“No, I am,” she assures him. “Balin would be perfect. I just didn’t realise I would be given a say in the matter.”

Thorin doesn’t reply to that beyond a nod. Then he marches away while telling the others, at a reasonable volume, to get on and get packed because they cannot afford to linger. Balin huffs out a small laugh and follows, and Billana feels something in her ease. She had half expected to be given to the care of Dwalin or Gloin, both of whom seem to be firm dwarven traditionalists in their own way. A glance around, however, reminds her that while the Company are able to pack up quickly and quietly, her belongings are in another room.

She hurries to her room, after telling Kili where she was going, and is dismayed to find the twins waiting for her when she rushes in to collect her belongings. They hold a full pack, newer than her own but clearly made for her. As are the coat, cloak and belt on the bed.

“Ada suspected you would leave as soon as Mithrandir became aware that the council was meeting,” Elladan says.

“Will he have given orders to stop us?” She asks, the dwarves will try and fight their way out if they think that Elrond will stand against them and that can only end badly.

“No,” Elrohir shakes his head, helping her into her new things. “And we came only to say goodbye and give you these.” He pulls a silver flask from his pocket with a grin. “This is Miruvor,” he tells her, “and Ada will be most put out with me when he finds that I have taken it for you. Just drink a sip when you most need it, so keep it near.” She kisses his cheek when he bends to slide the flask into a pouch on her belt. Grey eyes regard her seriously. “I mean it, Billana, keep it close.”

“I promise,” she whispers, throwing her arms around his neck. He lifts her carefully when he returns the embrace and sets her back down just as gently.

“Give your princes a message from us, Dilthen Rís,” Elrohir mutters, pulling out two small packages. She frowns. “Tell them we expect them to look after you, and that we’ve sent them _these_ to help them fulfil our request.”

“I can look after myself,” she tells him.

“We know, but a little extra help doesn’t go amiss,” Elladan smiles.

“You can also tell them that if they allow any fatal harm to come to you,” Elrohir adds in a steely voice, “we will make Smaug’s taking of Erebor look like a happy memory in comparison.” She stares at him.

“I am _not_ going to _threaten_ them for you!” She hisses. “And I won’t give them _these_ if that’s what they’re for either.”

“We’re simply concerned,” Elrohir tells her, “allow us that, Dilthen Rís.”

“Not when it means delivering threats to my friends,” she shakes her head.

“Very well,” Elladan sighs, although he seems to have expected her response, “at least give them the gifts. For our piece of mind if-”

“Billana?” Kili burst in and all three of them look at him. “What are _they_ doing here?” He demands and looks closely at her. “Are you alright? You look upset.”

“I’m well, they were just giving me a few going away presents,” she assures him, shoving the packages into his hands. “For you and Fili too, apparently.” She grabs his arm and gives the twins a quick wave, hoping to hurry Kili from the room before they can decide to deliver their threats in person.

She realises how futile that might be a moment later.

“A word before you depart, Kili,” Elrohir says, his quiet voice carrying over the sound of Kili’s confused questions.

Kili disentangles himself with a nod and approaches the elf. Elrohir bends, placing his head next to Kili’s so that he can mutter lowly in his ear. Billana cannot hear him clearly, but she already has an idea of what he might be saying, and she wrings her hands at the thought of what this might spark. She sees Kili’s fist clench and when Elrohir pulls back to meet Kili’s eyes she can see the tightness in his jaw.

“Am I clear?” Elrohir asks.

Kili’s answering smile is placid, almost calm, and Billana is as startled as the twins when he slams his head forward into Elrohir’s nose. Her friend rears back with a yell, falling to one knee. Elladan rushes to his brother’s side, turning furious eyes on Kili who looks down at the two of them with an expression so like Thorin’s it is almost chilling.

“We’re clear,” he says coldly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few random points:
> 
> Miruvor was also known as the "cordial of Imladris" or "miruvor of Rivendell" and obviously had some healing and energising properties. A flask of it was given to Gandalf during FOTR and was used three times before it was, presumably, lost with him during the encounter with the Balrog. It's probably fairly safe to assume that it's something found only in Rivendell and might very likely have been something that only Elrond would usually dispense.
> 
> Simulacra ARE a thing in the secondary source and are employed by a few people throughout the series with varying degrees of sophistication, the best example of which is the use of one to convince a number of people who know a certain character very well that he had just been executed.
> 
> And finally, if you think Kili can't go from perfectly lovely and genial to anterly cold angry thing you weren't paying attention during his scene with Tauriel during BOFTA when he asks her to go with him to the mountain and Legolas turns up. He goes from puppy eyes to death glare in about 0.2 seconds. (Yes, Jimiel, I know you won't have been watching that part too closely, I only did because Kili)
> 
> There should be another outtake up later. See you all then!!


	17. A Time To Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You smashed his nose with your head!”

“You didn’t have to _hit_ him,” she hisses to Kili as the sun rises and their pace slows. 

Elladan had all but pushed them both out of her room, assuring her that he would handle things. She has no idea why he didn’t try to strike Kili in return, but for the moment she is glad of it. They never would have made it out of Rivendell otherwise and without Elladan’s insistence that she go Billana would never have followed Kili from the room.

“Of course, I did,” Kili stares at her in confusion.

“He was just looking out for me!” Billana insists.

“I am aware of that, but I couldn’t let that kind of insult stand,” Kili shrugs. “It was a perfectly normal response.” He scratches absently at one cheek where she can still see dried spots of blood.

“ _Normal_?” She tries to keep her voice low and knows she has failed when several heads turn their way. “You smashed his nose with your _head!_ ”

“And if he had been a dwarf, I would have done worse than break his nose,” Kili hisses back.

“Whose nose did you break?” Nori asks. Billana and Kili have been walking in the middle of the group since they left Imladris, shoved there by the others when they reappeared and Dwalin had noticed the blood on Kili’s cheek.

“Elrohir’s,” Kili replies nonchalantly.

“Excellent decision,” Nori grins than winces when Bofur wiggles his fingers under the thief’s nose, “but the wrong twin. You couldn’t have broken Elladan’s instead?” He complains as he hands a bag of coins to the smirking miner. Kili shrugs. 

“Dare I ask _why_ , lad?” Balin sighs.

“He insulted me,” comes the simple reply and many of the others murmur in understanding, even as Balin seems to look up in resignation and Billana decides that more context should be added.

“He was looking after _me_ ,” she objects.

“Looking after you would have been offering to help us,” Kili disagrees, “or _asking_ us to watch over you. That isn’t what he did. He threatened me, which I would normally ignore, but then he threatened my _family_ and every dwarf from Ered Luin to the Iron Hills. After that he questioned my honour, my motives for helping you and implied that I would eventually behave in the same brute-like manner as my ‘ _orcish father_ ’.”

Angry words surround them and Billana admits that Elrohir took things too far, little wonder that Elladan chased them out. Even so, she thinks breaking his twin’s nose was an extreme reaction. Judging from the reactions of the others, however, they seem to think that Kili didn’t do enough. She hears many a mutter about how fortunate it is that Elrohir is already beardless, others saying the Kili should have shorn his head instead, and she stares in bafflement at the dwarves around her. The only ones who say nothing are Thorin and Balin. She has no idea how Thorin feels on the matter, he is silent and keeps his back to them, but she can see that Balin is keeping a tight rein on his own anger. He must see how overwhelmed she is by the shouts of the others, however, because he slows his pace and nods for her to join him.

“I take it this isn’t how hobbits would handle such a thing?” He asks.

“The situation would never come up,” she admits. “I just don’t understand any of it,” she mutters, rubbing her hand over tired eyes. “The twins have _never_ behaved like they did while we were in Rivendell.”

“Like stray dogs with a juicy bone,” Balin observes.

“I’m no bone!” She snaps. He smiles at her. “It doesn’t make _sense_.”

“I suppose it doesn’t,” he agrees. “Especially when you’re the one caught in the middle of it.” She grumbles an agreement under her breath. “Let’s see if I can help,” he says, offering her an arm to lean on when she stumbles on a small stone. Exhaustion has made her clumsy and she accepts it gratefully, leaning in and observing that he smells of steel and pipe weed and old parchment. “Would I be correct in assuming that the lads, all four of the idiots, are aware of aspects of your past that the rest of us haven’t been told about?”

“Yes,” she whispers, wondering if Balin will ask for details that she isn’t ready to go into again. “Does that make this _my_ fault?”

“No,” Balin tells her quickly. “Any fault in this lies firmly with the four of them. You’re still young, lass, and if I’m reading everything right you haven’t had the easiest start. If you were a lad that would be enough, but you’re a lass as well. We don’t have so many females as we would like, that’s just the way Mahal made us, and dwarves are a possessive and protective lot at the best of times-”

“I am not a _thing_ to be possessed!” She interrupts.

“You’re not,” Balin agress, “and they _know_ that. They’ve been watching over you since they arrived at your home, don’t think none of us noticed, and not out of some passing whim either. Then your elf friends came along and there you are, with two groups of people who care about your well-being fighting over the right to keep you safe. A situation that I don’t, for a moment, believe you’re over the moon about.”

“No,” she sighs, “but I don’t understand why the twins changed _so_ much.”

“Guilt, probably,” Balin shrugs, “for leaving you in a position where you had to turn to strangers for help.” She stares at him. “We all heard you at dinner, lass, I thought Fili was going to burst with pride seeing you stand up for yourself and then I wondered if I was going to have to sit on both of them to stop them from ruining your moment.” She flushes. “Your twins will have heard about it too or seen it if they’re half the trouble-makers we were warned about.” He pauses while she takes this in, then adds: “I couldn’t help but notice that we weren’t introduced to the _Lady_ of Rivendell.”

“She went West, years ago, after being kidnapped and tortured by orcs,” Billana whispers, remembering the twins telling her about it not long after her own mother died.

“Then they were probably afraid as well,” Balin says, “afraid that something might happen to you and they would lose someone _else_ they care about before their time. Fear and guilt make even the wisest among us do stupid things, Billana, no matter whether that be Man, dwarf, elf or hobbit, and between you and I, I don’t think any one of those four could be counted among the wisest of beings.” She huffs a small laugh.

“But what Kili did-” she starts to object.

“Was not your fault, and would have been justified besides,” Balin replies before she can continue. “I’ve known that boy his whole life, it would take quite the insult or threat to draw that kind of reaction from him. Leave it between them. And if, at any point, you feel like any of us are being over-protective, the lads included, tell them back away. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, tell _me_ and I’ll remind them a little less kindly.” She nods. “You’re stronger than you know, Billana, you just need to realise it for yourself.”

“Can I walk with you today?” She whispers almost tearfully, not sure what might have brought them on and not wanting the others to see.

“Of course, and I’ll chase all the rest away so that you can think,” Balin smiles down at her. “It’s not often I get a pretty lass all to myself anyway.”

Balin _has_ given her a great deal to think about and she dwells on their conversation for much of the day. Billana is well aware of the fact that Fili and Kili are protective of her and that they have reasons of their own as much as their promise to Thorin. She has already come to think of them as friends first, however, and they are the first real friends aside from the twins that she has had in too long. She has become almost afraid of driving them away and she knows that she cannot allow that to continue. Her own fears there are long standing, having been told every time she refused to do something her mother’s family, or Bungo’s, asked of her that she should be grateful that they had bothered with her at all. She has spent all her life being told that if she doesn’t acquiesce to everything asked of her, she will end up with no friends and no help. Truth be told she didn’t have friends or people willing to help her anyway, and little of that was down to her. 

Besides, she already knows that a little disagreement won’t do their friendship any harm. True, after she had ranted at the four of them near the fountain early on during their stay in Rivendell Fili and Kili had backed away a little. It had not, however, been a signal that she had damaged their friendship. Instead they had _asked_ what she wanted more. Even the twins had stepped back and while neither of them had managed to get along with the other, when the five were in company together they had at least made an effort. She could hardly have asked for more than that, she knows as well as anyone that there is little love lost between elves and dwarves.

No matter what Balin says, though, she is aware that the fault for _some_ of the incident between Kili and Elrohir lies with her. Elrohir had only wanted to keep her safe, even if she would never have wanted him to make the request in the way he did, and had she only admitted to Kili that the threatening message she had been given for him had upset her perhaps he would have left the room instead of agreeing to speak with the elder of the twins. Kili probably only agreed for her sake anyway.

She is still thinking about it when they stop for the night. Fili and Kili _both_ keep their distance after a stern look from Balin and even though she misses them, no matter how upset she is about the events of the previous nights, her mind is too full and confused to talk with either of them about it. She doesn’t avoid them the next day, though her thoughts are still busy, but, somehow, they are kept busy throughout the day by Thorin, Dwalin, Oin and Ori. 

There is nothing obvious about it, no one seems to be actively _trying_ to keep them apart, and she would be annoyed by that as well. Kili gets sent to find fresh game to preserve their supplies for the mountain crossing and Fili seems to spend half the day in a quiet debate with Dwalin. Billana spends the day with Dori and Balin and by the end she feels smothered. Both are kind, very kind, and she feels guilty for wishing their attention were elsewhere, but she needs time to work through things and Dori’s fussing doesn’t allow for that.

“Come on, Pretty Kitten,” Fili says to her as Bombur begins dinner that night. “Time to see if the elves taught you anything useful about using a blade.” Balin clears his throat meaningfully.

“I’m not in the mood for games, Fili,” she tells him. 

“We aren’t playing, Billana,” he replies, and she looks up to meet serious blue eyes. He has hardly used her name since discovering she can shape shift and the times that he _has_ have been when he has felt the situation deserved gravity. “You need to learn how to use that letter opener Gandalf gave you. Kili and I can teach you, but if you don’t want it to be us then you could always as Balin or Dwalin.”

“You don’t want it to be me,” Balin groans from his seat, “my teaching abilities lie in other areas. If you want my advice, let the lads teach you.” She leans closer when he gestures to her. “It might give _all_ of you some peace of mind.”

“Very well,” she agrees, getting to her feet with a grimace. Thorin has been pushing them hard to avoid pursuit. She grabs her sword and, as an afterthought, the two small parcels that the twins gave her for Fili and Kili. While they are this close to Rivendell still, they might as well find out what is in them. “Where do we start?”

Fili leads her away from the camp a little and spends the next thirty minutes running her into the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I was going to get this up tonight, my inner Billana got a bit fixated on the nose smashing.
> 
> Fun Fact (or not, but you know): While fanon often paints the twins as fun loving pranksters they had a darker side as well. Billana's comment about their mother is canon and while Elrond was able to heal Celebrian's body after she was rescued he couldn't help her mind. She went West so that she could heal and move forward. Elladan and Elrohir, when not in Rivendell and Lothlorien, would often go orc hunting and when most of the other elves left they stayed with Celeborn to carry on with their orc hunting, possibly because they weren't convinced the threat posed by the orcs was significantly lessened and possibly because they still weren't ready to give up their quest for vengeance. 
> 
> And I call that a "fun fact".


	18. Parting Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I hate you," Billana mutters

"I hate you," Billana mutters as she gulps down a vast amount of water. Fili grins unrepentantly.

"Imagine how hard Dwalin would push, Kitten," he purrs, "then tell me that you hate me." She scowls. "I've been helping Dwalin train new recruits in the Royal Guard during the winter months for years. He would hardly consider this a warmup, let alone practice."

"Why only the winters?" She asks, picking up her little sword and sighing when Kili corrects her grip. Elladan and Elrohir taught her to use two long knives if she needs to get close to an opponent, never a sword, and for some reason she is finding the transition more of a challenge than it should be.

"Everyone in Ered Luin works," Kili replies, "Fili and I mostly help escorting caravans in the summers."

"But you're princes," she objects, though she only knows stories about how royalty should behave given there aren't that many kings left in the world.

"Our people would never have made it to Ered Luin if everyone had kept _that_ attitude," Fili tells her as he demonstrates a block for her to try. "Less talking, more practice, or Uncle really _will_ have Dwalin take over."

They continue for a while longer and Billana feels her muscles burning with the unfamiliar movements. Finally, however, Fili says they can stop and she all but collapses on the ground. He laughs and helps her back to her feet, reminding her that if she simply stops like that her muscles will seize, and she'll be miserable for it.

"What are these doing here?" Kili asks when he grabs her water skin and finds the cloth wrapped gifts from the twins.

"I thought we should probably find out what they had sent you," she replies, accepting the water with a grateful smile.

"It's not a bad idea," Fili agrees.

Naturally, as a final dig no doubt, the twins have labelled their gifts with Sindarin nicknames. Fortunately, they taught her how to read and write it. Unfortunately, it has Fili and Kili scowling at the labels with distrust and distaste, even though the twins have done little more than describe the intended recipients: Malthen cóon and Tindu cóon, the Golden and Twilight princes. The twins could have said worse, she thinks, and she hands over the correct packages in silence.

Kili's is noticeably smaller and lighter than Fili's and it is immediately obvious _why_ when he opens it to reveal a dozen delicate arrowheads. They are obviously of elvish design and, she suspects from the way that they gleam, made using the same lost techniques as her little sword. There are markings on them, though she has no idea if they are useful or decorative and Kili frowns, gathering his gift around the small pieces of metal as he speaks a word. They flare briefly with light, but it seems to satisfy him because he nods and wraps them up once more, tucking them into a pocket.

Fili goes next, opening his to reveal five delicate throwing knives. These are also decorated and of a similar style to Billana's sword. The twins, Billana suspects, have raided more than Elrond's stores of miruvor. Gandalf had been clear when he said that the methods for making such items had not been seen since the First Age. That, however, is apparently _not_ what catches Fili's eye.

"Dushun mizim," Kili breathes when Fili shows him the hilt of one knife. Fili clips him about the ear. "Black opals," Kili translates, "they're _rare_ , especially stones of _this_ quality. We haven't been able to get anything like them since Khazad-dum fell. Uncle says there was opal dirt found in Erebor just before Smaug came, but they never had the chance to assess it."

"A valuable gift," Fili concludes.

"It almost makes me feel bad for breaking Elrohir's nose," Kili grins.

"Only almost?" Fili raises an eyebrow and Kili shrugs.

The younger give the knives an appraising look, then glances at Billana and makes a couple of gestures. Fili shakes his head and returns them with a hand movement of his own. To her annoyance, Kili nods and tucks the knives away, opening his mouth to speak only to be cut off by Bofur.

"Grub's up you three, better get some before Bombur eats your share."

It's an empty threat, of course, they all know by now that Bombur will make sure that everyone else has eaten before he starts on the leftovers.

As with every meal they have eaten on the road, the stew is thick, rich and full of as much meat as Bombur can cram into it. Dwarven palates, she has noticed, seem to run towards meat rather than vegetables. That they are all accustomed to travelling is clear, even without Kili telling her that he and Fili have spent time on the caravans, the Company hunts for fresh meat when they can and carry ample supplies of salted and dried meat as well. In place of bread they would usually have cram, a hard waybread that even the dwarves prefer to soften before attempting to eat it. Every dwarf also has a supply of odd cloth bags that are filled with herbs, spices and dried pulses or grains. They had confused her until she had seen Bombur place several in a pot one night and in the beginning they had been fascinating. Weeks of eating the same thing, however, has caused them to lose their appeal.

Fortunately, Kili managed to bring down a large doe that afternoon and nearly a third of it has been roasted over a roaring fire, the rest dressed and wrapped so that it will keep for the next couple of days. The last of the fresh bread pilfered from Rivendell's storerooms has been divided between them, as well as a good supply of the summer mushrooms Billana had managed to find earlier that day. They all eat well, aware that this is one of the last opportunities they will get for some time, and Billana crawls into her new bedroll and quickly falls into an exhausted sleep.

The weather is with them the following day, the mountain crossing is still almost a week away, and they start off at a brisk pace that leaves little time for talk. There is, she now knows, a deadline for them to make it to Erebor. According to Balin, however, that is the end of October. They have, to her mind, ample time although she doesn't fully comprehend the distance still ahead of them. Nor is she sure that rushing ahead is the best idea when they still need to wait for Gandalf to catch them up. Besides, if they arrive too early they will spend an age waiting at the base of the Lonely Mountain, and since Gandalf and Thorin seem to think that they should be heading there in secret that seems counterproductive. Someone will notice if thirteen dwarves and a hobbit set up camp at the foot of a dragon infested mountain after all.

Their pace has slowed by mid-afternoon and Billana is once more near the centre of the line of dwarves. She is walking beside Ori and, with Fili and Kili at the rear with their heads together, this seems like the perfect time for her to ask some questions of the youngest Ri that Fili and Kili aren't available to answer.

"Ori" He startles when she says his name, although she has noticed over the weeks that he seems to spend so much time focused on what everyone _else_ is doing that he rarely notices when they want to talk to _him_. "What do you know about black opals?"

"Not as much as the mages might," he admits, "but enough. Why?"

"Fili and Kili were talking about them last night," she replies, being deliberately vague. She isn't sure that the others should know about the valuable gifts Fili and Kili received just yet. Ori simply accepts her words, however, glancing back at them before turning to her again.

"What did you want to know?" He asks and grins when her reply is a simple request for all of the information he can give her. "Never say that to Bofur about any sort of rock," he advises. "You'll end up learning more than you ever needed." She giggles. "Why not ask Kili and Fili?"

"They weren't answering," she says with a shrug.

"They never _did_ like dedicating their time to the more serious aspects of learning," Ori mutters. Billana frowns, Fili and Kili spent more time in the library in Rivendell than any of the others, and she is certain that very little of it was actually spent on their usual mischief. She also knows that the strength of Kili's gift, especially the dedication it would take to bend it into allowing him to shapeshift, and Fili's skill at healing is evidence enough that they have the patience and desire to learn. "It would probably have helped if Kili's gift was at a similar level to Fili's, but that's just the way that Mahal made him. Anyway, black opals."

Ori, she knows, is easy to get side-tracked.

"Opals," he says after a beat, "the normal white variety, that is, aren't all that rare. They're good focus stones for most spells, especially the more complicated ones or the spells that might need a extra jolt of magic. They're good at holding charms or storing excess quantities of the gift for when a little bit more is needed. Like all stones, however, they can only hold so much. _Black_ opals can hold more than three times the amount of power a white opal can, and they do so with greater consistency even when the gift of more than one mage is used on them. High level mages work with opals to focus the more dangerous spells. Balin has an amulet of white opal that he inherited from his father that he uses to focus his battle spells, and there are rumours that Lady Dis, Fili and Kili's mother, has a tiny fleck of black opal that she wears as a nose stud." She has to smile at him as he talks, Ori rarely notices the change that comes over him when he is teaching someone something new; the way it makes him stand taller and speak with genuine confidence rather than bravado.

Balin, who has been in debate with Thorin, calls Ori forward, and he eases along, leaving her alone with her thoughts once more. For once, Ori has managed to stay fairly on topic as usually their discussions will range all over the place. This time she has gained enough information to draw some conclusions of her own. Ori is as ignorant as most of the rest of the Company about how powerful Kili is, and given the way the prince has been muttering to his brother for most of the day Billana suspects that he has come up with some sort of plan for the opals in the hilts of those knives. Part of her is curious, part of her hopes she never has to find out what he is planning for because whatever it might be, it cannot be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butchered Sindarin:  
> Malthen cóon: Golden Prince  
> Tindu cóon: Twilight Prince
> 
> This is just the translator I use, and only because it's quicker than pouring through the dictionary I have although they often match up.
> 
> Butchered Khuzdul:
> 
> Dushun mizim: dark jewel/black opal.
> 
> I am so behind with my Christmas prep, I'm too busy writing this for all of you wonderful people!


	19. Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weather remains good for the rest of their trip to the mountain pass

The weather remains good for the rest of their trip to the mountain pass and Billana enjoys the feel of the sun on her skin, though her back and shoulders ache and even her tough hobbit soles are struggling to cope with the pace and the hard stones that sometimes bite into them. She pushes on, knowing that her feet will eventually harden further as hobbit feet do.

The evenings provide little rest, Fili and Kili continue to drill her into the ground while teaching her how to use her little sword. It is, she thinks, a rather hopeless endeavour. It was a struggle for her to learn how to use her knives and the bow came so naturally to her that she only kept the practice with them up when the twins were around to push her. In fact, those knives are still under her bed in the tumble down old smial that she had called home. She doubts that she will ever see or use them again. She says as much to Fili the evening before they make it into the pass proper and he grins at her.

"We aren't trying to make you into a great warrior, Pretty Kitten," he tells her, nudging her shoulder with his. "We just want to make sure that you can keep yourself safe until one of us can get to you if it becomes necessary."

She leans against him gratefully, relieved that he isn't expecting greatness of her and that she is not disappointing her friends, and he wraps an arm around her with a light laugh. Several of the others glance their way, obviously curious about the joke, and Kili flops down in front of them, lying on his back and snorting when Fili nudges him with his foot.

"You're doing really well," he says and Billana huffs in disbelief. "Better than we expected, anyway." He adds after a beat. "You've only been training for a week, give it time."

She doesn't reply to that and Thorin doesn't give her a chance either by ordering the wards be set. They have all learnt that this is his way of telling them to be quiet and get some sleep. Billana bids the princes goodnight and goes to her bedroll, which is now set up next to Balin's every night. After having spent so many years with only the occasional visit from Gandalf it is strange to have such an attentive guardian. She likes it, however, feeling more secure in herself as the days pass and Balin's care for her does not lessen.

Naturally, things begin to go wrong as soon as they get into the mountains. Balin and Thorin argue the next morning about Gandalf's instruction to wait for him, something which Billana and more than one of the others would _prefer_ to do. Thorin, however, insists that they move on and, in the end, he carries his point by simple virtue of the fact that he is their leader and the final decision lies with him.

Billana hates the mountains, she decides.

The path takes them upwards and to start it is quite a sensible thing, too narrow for ponies but wide enough for them to walk comfortably. By lunch time it has narrowed considerably and they are deep inside a wide ravine, the sides of the mountain stretch high above them to their left and to their right is a drop at the edge of the path that makes her head swim when she realises that she can hardly see the bottom. The dwarves eat with their legs dangling over the edge, laughing merrily. Billana crouches with her back against the rock face as far away from the edge as she can reasonably get. She _could_ , she knows, shift into the form of any number of birds should she fall, but why tempt fate?

There is something ahead of them, she begins to realise as the day wears on, something _big_ and that feels increasingly similar to the trolls, although different in its own way. She ends up walking behind Fili, clinging to his coat and keeping her eyes stubbornly averted from the drop on her right. There is a big difference in her perception of heights as a bird and as a hobbit, she has realised.

"There's something ahead," she tells Fili.

"Do you know what?" He asks in a low voice. She gives his back a withering glare, for all the good it does.

"Like the trolls, but bigger," he makes a frustrated noise. "The first time I ever felt _anything_ like this, it was the trolls, Fili," she hisses. "Weird creatures don't make a habit of coming into the Shire." He laughs.

"Very well, Kitten," he says, "put your claws away, I'll pass it up to Thorin." He taps Kili's shoulder and his brother nods when he is told what Billana has said. Then she sees the flicker of gold in Fili's palm and hears him talking quickly to Thorin. Not long after Thorin bellows for them all to be on their guard, though what they can do with so little space to manoeuvre she doesn't know.

When the storm rolls in the way that it makes her hair stand on end tells her that it cannot be entirely natural. The rain falls so hard that she struggles to see, soaking them all to the skin before they can pull their oil skins about them. The wind seems to almost deliberately drive the rain into their faces, and she clings tightly to Fili as it tears at her. Her skin prickles, though whether it is because of the storm or because they are almost on top of whatever strange creature she is sensing, she doesn't know. A boulder crashes into the side of the mountain above her head and she flinches closer still to Fili, trembling violently.

"It's a thunder battle!" She hears one of the others shout and turns in horror to see massive giants of stone throwing boulders and brawling in the wind and rain.

"Step around me," Fili urges her.

"I'll fall," she cries, staring at him. He meets her eyes with his, his face briefly lit up by the flash of lightning.

"I won't let you," he promises, "but I want you where I can see you. _Trust me_ , Billana." He has to shout to be heard over the storm and the noise of the giants, but she feels as though he has whispered the words for her alone.

She does as he asks, stepping carefully around him to find Kili waiting on the other side of his brother with a tight smile on his face. They are both afraid, she realises, and it makes her own terror seem less unreasonable.

"Hold tight to me!" Kili bellows and she twist fingers numbed by the freezing rain into the trailing edge of his oil skin cloak, clinging to him desperately as they inch ahead.

She calms a little now that she has Kili's firm presence in front and Fili's steadying one behind, but that doesn't stop her from shrieking when the mountain splits apart beneath her. Nor does it stop her from almost plastering herself to Kili as she scrambles to stay with him, lacking the balance to go back towards Fili. Distantly she hears the older prince screaming for his brother, she sees Kili look around in horror even as he wraps an arm about her and struggles for purchase on what was once a mountain and is now, apparently, legs.

"Stay close," he shouts as they see Fili and the rest fly past on their own leg.

Billana squeezes her eyes shut, unable to look or see. If she falls now, she knows that it will be the end of it all. Even if she _were_ to change form, she would struggle to free herself from her sodden belongings, not to mention that the wind would dash the light form of any bird against the mountain with lethal force. The swinging of the giant they're trapped on is worse with her eyes closed and she opens them in time to see a ledge approaching. The tingle of Kili's gift surrounds her.

"Jump!" He roars and she leaps, landing on the mountain with a bone jarring force and spinning to her side in time to see the others fly past.

Kili yanks her to her feet, checking her over with terrified eyes that are obvious only because the regularity of the lightning flashes has increased. She does the same to him, but a crash alerts them to the fact that a giant has met its end further up the path. Thorin shouts and they all follow, Kili taking her hand in his and almost dragging her behind him, and dread fills her at the thought of what they might find. There is, she knows, the possibility that they might find Fili's crushed remains or, worse, that they will never know what happened to him.

They round a corner to find the rest of the Company there, bruised and battered but _alive_. Kili still has her hand in a punishing grip, not that she is complaining, and he doesn't release her as he races to his brother, pulling her behind him. Fili is on his feet when they reach him and the brothers share and almost crushing embrace, one she gets caught in the middle of and it is her startled squeak that causes the blond to look down at her. His eyes run over her, reassuring himself in the same way that Kili did before his attention is grabbed by Thorin.

"Billana!" She hears Balin yell. "Where is she?"

"I'm here," she extracts herself from Kili's grip, startled by how unsteady her legs feel. "I'm not hurt." Balin rests his hands on her shoulders with a relieved smile, then he looks up at Thorin and his face is hard.

"We can't go on," he calls. "We need to find shelter." Thorin looks like he is going to object, but then Balin barks something at him in their language, his words rapid and his tone challenging. Thorin's eyes fall on her and she shrinks a little under his gaze.

"Very well," he snarls. "Fili, Kili, find shelter, we will follow."

The princes race off to do their uncle's bidding, though she notices a moment of hesitation, and she sticks close to Balin as they make their way slowly after the lads. She hurts all over, and from the way some of the dwarves are limping she thinks it's pretty safe to say that they do as well.

It doesn't take Fili and Kili long to come back and say they have found a cave. It is warm, dry and suspiciously empty, but everyone is too wet and cold to care. Grumbles echo around them when Thorin says there will be no fire and she is surprised when Balin urges her in Fili and Kili's direction. He mutters something to them and both nod, leading her to the back of the cave where, were she a dwarf, she would have difficulty hearing Balin's discussion with Thorin.

Unfortunately, she is _not_ a dwarf, not that it makes much of a difference ultimately. The rest of the Company keep their heads down, focusing on each other while trying not to make it obvious that they are listening. Nor do Thorin and Balin's voices stay low for very long.

"If you are _that_ concerned for her safety, she should return to Rivendell!" Thorin snaps.

"Sending her back alone would be as dangerous as keeping her with us," Balin disagrees. "As her guardian I won't allow it." Billana shrinks down between Fili and Kili. "If you want her to go back, I'll take her myself."

"Absolutely not," Thorin snarls, "you cannot be spared."

" _None_ of us can," Balin points out. "There are too few of us as it is."

"Kili will take her," Thorin declares. "He will catch us up easily enough."

"You would give away _all_ of our secrets?" She hears Balin hiss, though it is too low for the others to catch. "Nor is it an appropriate choice of companion. If she were of age it would be different."

"If she were of age, we would _not_ be having this conversation," Thorin replies. "Kili takes her back in the morning," he declares with a mutter of something that Billana doesn't understand. Balin, to her surprise, sighs and nods, withdrawing to his brother's side and apparently happy for her to stay where she is.

"Get some sleep, Kitten," Fili whispers. She shakes her head, not trusting her voice.

"It will be better by morning," Kili promises. "Uncle gets like this sometimes. He doesn't like being challenged or told he's wrong, especially not in front of so many others, and he was as scared as the rest of us which he hates even more. He'll see how impractical it is by morning and change his mind." Fili pulls her close in silent agreement.

"Mahal, Billana, you're drenched," he breathes, his hand a furnace through her wet shirt and coat.

"No more than you two are," she disagrees and shifts as close as she can. "You're nice and warm," she mumbles and feels Kili move closer, adding his warmth to Fili's. She sighs. "I don't want to go back," she tells them, not sure if she means to Rivendell or the Shire.

"You won't," Fili assures her. "We'll think of something in case Thorin decides to be stubborn. Go to sleep."

She is just beginning to doze against him, absently noting that none of them have removed their weapons or packs, when she feels her little blade shift at her side and Kili's warmth vanishes.

"Goblins!" He shouts. "The wards!"

With all the excitement after the stone giants and Thorin's argument with Balin, the wards have been neglected. Everyone is on their feet and armed in a moment. Fili shoves her behind him, his eyes fixed on his brother. She expects the goblins to come at them through the entrance to the cave, so when the ground drops out from under them she screams and she isn't the only one.

Billana lands on Dwalin, who makes a small noise of discomfort and then rolls quickly to shield her from view as the goblins begin to grasp and claw at them.

"Keep low," he hisses, and she ducks, avoiding booted feet and the crushing press of goblin bodies.

She sees Fili, Kili and Balin searching frantically for her and their kin, then everyone is moving, and she curls into herself as much as she can. Her lack of success is made obvious when a goblin spots her, cackling as it approaches. She steps back, once, twice, and her foot finds air.

"Billana!" She hears someone scream, and then she's falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually amazed at how easily his one came out. I generally write in half hour bursts between general house keeping and DIY but I sat down with this one earlier today and had the whole thing taken from notes map to full chapter in the hour and a half I was on hold to the local council.


	20. A Path Through The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's falling, Billana thinks in panic.

She's falling, Billana thinks in panic. She's falling and the world seems to slow as she realises that she doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to lose the new friends that she has come to care about so deeply. She shifts, forcing the change to happen as quickly as possible, feeling her wet clothes as they cling and twist around her shrinking body. Her wings tangle in soaked linen and she claws her way free. She chitters angrily as she finally emerges, her wings beating frantically at the air and her sensitive ears twisting to catch the echoes of her angry mutters. Not far below, almost too close, her wet clothes and heavy pack hit the ground with a muffled thump, her little sword clattering off stones and her bow makes a sickening crunch as a dislodged rock lands on it.

She lingers, squeaking and listening as she maps out her location. Bat eyes aren't very strong, but she doesn't need them to be in order to understand where she is. She is deep in a chasm in the mountain and from the sound map her mind is creating Billana is quickly realising that she was lucky to make the change at all. There are several protrusions of rock further up which would have killed her had she been caught on them.

Billana now has two choices. She can fly up to the rest of the Company and join them, or she can go down to her belongings and find an alternative route out of the mountain. Both have drawbacks. If she joins the Company as she is Billana will be left with no belongings; no clothes, no supplies, no weapons. She could survive just fine in animal form, but the longer she _wears_ a form the more like that animal she becomes. She has come too close to that once; she doesn't want to repeat it. On the other hand, if she finds her way out alone, she might never meet up with the Company on the other side. They might come out somewhere else, or they may not escape at all.

They might escape and give her up for dead, though she doesn't want to believe that of any of them and especially Fili and Kili.

One thing that she _does_ know is that there is no form she could take that would allow her to move her belongings back up the rock face. The largest bird she can become is a raven and even if she empties her pack of everything except her clothing, her sword and the miruvor it will still be too heavy. As a dog or badger she could carry everything she would _need_ provided she repacked carefully, though she doubts the dark sight of _any_ animal would be much good in the deep of the mountain.

Ultimately, she decides that it might be better to find her way out with some of her belongings. Once she is free of the mountain she will be able to contact the local wildlife and see if they know anything about the dwarves. If that fails she can hide her pack and venture back inside to see if she can discover the fate of her friends.

Billana lands near her belongings, chittering softly to find a soft place to land and tilting her head in confusion when she finds the shapes of broken arrows scattered around the echoes of a lake. What reason could the goblins have had to come _this_ deep and then abandon a body of water? She pushes the question aside, it won't ever be answered and she has much larger problems at any rate. She doesn't bother dressing when she changes back to herself, though it is cold and damp the clothes will simply be a hinderance when it comes time to shift form again. If the goblins have been here, that means that there almost has to be a way out and that those passages will be of ample size for a skinny hobbit. She would still rather take animal form and get on with it rather than find that part of the tunnel has collapsed, and she will have to repack and shift in the middle of a narrow passage.

Her wet clothes are immediately discarded. She has a spare set rolled tightly at the bottom of her pack and while it would be nice to have more in case of emergency, she can only carry so much and isn't interested in soaking what she already has. She halves her food supplies, if it comes to it she can hunt as a fox or even a bat, though the changes are draining in themselves. She replaces them with the half-full water skin and her sword. She considers the miruvor for a moment, it will be an extra weight after all, then takes a quick sip. The exhaustion that had been eating at her as a result of her fall and change seems to vanish and the pain of her bruises lessens. She puts _that_ in the pack as well, now understanding why the twins insisted she keep it close.

Her bow, when she finds it, is crushed and useless. Tears fill her eyes and her gut twists as she holds it tightly. As foolish as she knows that it is to be upset over such a thing, her bow was one of the first gifts that the twins had given her as a tween. It had seen her through any number of difficult months in the Shire and she knows it will be difficult to replace. She places it to one side gently, grabs her still damp coat and wraps it around the tiny bedroll she had been given and replaces it under the straps. The blankets are of elf make, remarkably warm, thin, light and quick drying.

Finally happy with her work she fiddles with the straps so that she can slide one over her head and shoulders, wriggling until it fits around her waist where she tightens it as much as she can. The other she fits around her neck, leaving it loose enough to take between her teeth. It won't be comfortable in the slightest, but it will stop the pack from shifting around too much. Then she closes her eyes and touches her magic.

When she opens them again, she sees the world around her in washed out greys, grainy even to her badger eyes. Still, she can see well enough, certainly more clearly in badger form than as a hobbit, and the size allows her to carry her pack, if a little clumsily. She shakes herself, fur uncomfortably damp in places from the pack, then snuffles around carefully for any clues about a way out. The goblin scent, when she finally finds it, is so old as to be almost gone, noticeable only because of the odd arrow, broken blade or scrap of cloth. She follows the trail they leave for a time, pausing only when the effects of the miruvor wear off to take a quick nap as exhaustion begins to gnaw at her again.

She doesn't rest for long, too concerned about finding a way out and discovering what has happened to her friends. She sets off again, glad of thick fur in the chill of the mountain. Hours pass, it almost feels like days, and gradually the sense of other animals begins to nudge at her mind. Bats, she realises, a large colony of them and she picks up her pace. For there to be bats there has to be an entrance to their cave somewhere.

 _-You will have to use the door the crawlers use-_ they tell her when she is finally able to make contact. - _They stay by it day and night with metal that bites and flies_ -

- _Not if you hurry_ \- another adds. - _Others came through the caves and killed the ones by the door. If you're quick you could be out before the new ones come-_

She thanks the bats as she feels hope explode inside her. It can only have been the Company and she trots as fast as she can through the tunnels, now able to smell the fresher air ahead.

Her passageway is rough-hewn, a natural break inside the mountain that connects to a smoother passage that was cut through at some time in the distant past. It is where they join that she finds the remains, little more than a skeleton. The legs are bound by the rusted remains of a chain and its arms are stretched forward. One arm, she notes, is missing a hand and it is not the work of scavengers. The bones of the forearm have been shorn through well above the wrist. The way that the skull is placed, eyes facing the narrow opening, tells her that this creature was on its front when it passed, reaching for the exit. She wonders if it realised how close it had come to escape before its strength gave out and Billana makes a small noise of distress.

The bones should be buried, she thinks, but there is no time and no place to do so. Nor will she be able to come back for them, this place is too dangerous. She offers up a quick prayer to Vána, and the dwarves Mahal since the remains are too small to have belonged to elf, Man or goblin, then she shuffles by sadly.

Sunlight, the deep orange of sunset, is visible through the door that the dwarves have left open and she hurries towards it, their scents thick in her nose and, if she concentrates, she can pick out all the little bits that make up Fili, Kili and Balin. _They_ , at least, are alright and she tries to move faster, growing increasingly frustrated with the pack and her short legs.

When she bursts outside the first thing she does is take several lungs full of cool, clean air and enjoy the evening sun on her fur. The she shudders and pauses to think. She could change back now, take the time to dress and track the others down, but she would lose time and the ability to follow their scent. _Or_ she could become a hound and follow on far fleeter feet than she has now. She dislikes changing form so many times, though she has the magical reserves shifting depletes them almost as quickly as healing does. She is surprised to find that her worry is not that the dwarves will all know what she can do and that it means she will lose her advantage if she needs to get away. Her worry is, in fact, that if she hesitates for much longer she will lose them, and any future home, entirely. She never wants to run. She never wants to lose them.

So she decides to shift again.

She does so carefully, mindful of the pack and the fact that it doesn't sit as well on the slender form of one of Farmer Maggot's hounds as it does the bulk of a badger. The change means that she can move more quickly, as annoying as the bounce of the pack is and the way that it pulls her off balance, and she covers the distance more rapidly than she had hoped.

Their voices reach her before she sees them.

"We _have_ to go back!" She hears Kili first.

"It is unlikely she survived the fall," Thorin replies. "And even if she _did_ every goblin in that mountain is between us and her. They will be on us in moments and we are no good to her dead."

"There has to be some way," Fili insists. "Something we can do to tell her where we are or where to meet us, she'll find a way out."

"Not without giving away our location to every one of the enemies on our heels," Thorin disagrees.

She whines, picking up the pace until she is flat out running, coming around a clump of bushes to find the Company gathered with Gandalf. Fili and Kili have their backs to her, standing defiantly in front of Throin. The rest are muttering between themselves, seemingly ignorant of her presence, while Gandalf leans heavily on his staff with his head bowed. She whines again, a little bit louder and moves further forward so that she can press between her friends. The princes pause in their angry demands to look down.

"Billana?" Kili breathes, then laughs in delight when she barks and wags her tail. She almost jumps up to lick his face, not caring that it would be a forward display of affection, but the strap in her mouth prevents it. Fili is oddly silent, and when she turns to look at him, she can see tears in his eyes.

"I thought I asked you not to do that to me again, Kitten," he mutters, an odd note in his voice.

She wants to wrap her arms around him and apologise over and over, but she has no intention of turning back into herself just yet with so many eyes on her. So, instead, she does the next best thing, turning into the cat that both of them know so well and leaping into his arms, abandoning her pack on the ground so that she can rub her cheek against his in apology and reassurance.

"Would one of you like to explain what in Durin's name is going on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think it would be fair to warn you all that at some point in the next few days I will go quiet. Christmas is coming, which means that my mummy fu has to be on point to organise everything as perfectly as possibly for my cherubs (although the youngest more resembles an orc at the moment.). I know I just had a break, and that I've been good with the daily updates, but it's that time of year my lovelies.


	21. Running Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin scowls at the three of them

Thorin scowls at the three of them and it occurs to Billana that she should, perhaps, be embarrassed about how affectionate she is being with his nephews, especially when Kili leans in to press his face against hers. Relief at finding her friends alive and well, however, doesn't allow it. His question, unfortunately, is a legitimate one that cuts their reunion short, and she looks up at Fili and Kili as she wonders whether they will try to explain or if she will have to change back and do it. She hopes that, at least, one of them will think to loan his coat to her if that becomes the case.

"Billana's magic does not just allow her to speak with and heal animals, Thorin," Gandalf says. "It also allows her to become any animal that she has shared the mind of. Not a bad ability for someone who is going to face a dragon." She shudders in Fili's arms.

Thorin nods, then steps closer and reaches a hand out to her. Billana flattens her ears and hisses.

"I think she might be a little upset with you, Uncle," Kili chuckles, relief colouring his tone. Then he stoops to grab her pack and holds his arms out to her. "Come on, we should find you somewhere private to change back," he adds.

"Private?" Thorin raises an eyebrow. "Surely she can do it with an audience?"

"No," Kili replies firmly with a shake of his head. "The same rules apply to Billana as they do to the Raven. The shift affects only the body, not the clothes." Thorin nods and she wonders how many times Kili has been forced to refer to himself that way just to make a point with his uncle or get him to listen.

"In that case," Balin steps forward, also reaching out to touch her and she allows it, purring at the gentle caress of his fingers, " _I_ should be the one to accompany her."

Kili's colour changes and he moves to pass her pack to Balin. Howls split the air around them, her senses, exhausted from the amount of magic she has used, flare to life and she scrambles to get out of Fili's arms.

"No time," he tells her, opening his coat and tucking her inside. "Stay there, Kitten," he orders. "We've come too close to losing you today to risk doing it again."

Even if she were in her _own_ form she would have no idea how to reply to _that_ , so she settles herself inside his coat as best she can, thankful for the belt that holds it tight around his waist so that she only has to worry about being jostled around rather than slipping down. Mentally she notes that she never wants to do something like this again, using her claws to find some stability by clinging to his tunic even though she tries hard not to scratch him at the same time. He doesn't complain about it, but his normally soothing scent is thick with the sharp taste of fear and the sour notes of exhaustion.

She doubts that many of them have all that much left to give. It must have been quite the fight to get out of goblins clutches and many of them must be physically exhausted, let alone the magical exhaustion of the mages. Kili is probably the only one with anything left in him, given his claims of being the most powerful mage there, but he is hindered by Thorin's instructions that he keep his strength secret even now. Billana, for all her reserves and practice, will be lucky if she has even one change left in her now. After that her well of magic will have run dry and if she pushes too hard, whether she wants to or not, she will revert to hobbit form. It will be some days until she has the strength to change again.

She doesn't need to hear the wargs to know that they are getting closer, the sense of them tells her that they are very nearly on top of the Company. She can feel some others further back, and those must have riders, and she trembles against Fili at the sense of _wrong_ that comes with at least one of them. There will be no elf patrol to help them this time, no quiet period of recovery in a safe haven where she can rest and centre her mind and thoughts. She has only just found the Company, just got her friends back and has just begun to realise what they might mean to her.

Fili's coat muffles much of what is happening, her ears are filled with the sound of his racing heart and the way his chest rumbles when he speaks to his brother. She clearly hears the order for them all to get into the trees, however, feels the way that the muscles in his chest and abdomen strain as he climbs while trying not to squash her. She feels the tree shudder, hears the angry snarls of the wargs reach her as their tree cracks and splinters, swaying beneath them. She will be crushed if she stays where she is, and she knows that Fili isn't holding on as tightly as he should out of fear of hurting her, so she climbs out. Fili shouts her name, tells her to go back where she was, but she ignores him, digging her claws into the branches so that she can hold on more tightly. She will not have him fall just because he was trying not to hurt her. Then she looks down at the wargs, putting all the contempt that she can into her gaze.

The tree falls and in the same moment her temper snaps. She leaps to the next one without a thought, moving so that she is resting on her pack and clinging to Kili's shoulder. She doesn't want to get lost or fall while she is distracted. The she turns her attention to the wargs, reaching for their minds and stamping down on her need to flinch away when she touches them. Their minds sting, are full of something twisted and wrong and it _hurts_ , but she doesn't care. It is time for this to end.

- _Enough_!" She orders. The wargs snarl at her, fighting the compulsion to obey her. She lashes at them with a little of her remaining magic, feeling her form slip slightly as she takes that little bit more so that she can push a little harder. She wouldn't normally be so cruel but her friends are in danger and the creatures causing it are refusing to obey. - _I said_ enough- she bellows mentally and the wargs yelp and draw back.

"Are you doing this?" Kili mutters, though he knows that she cannot reply.

- _Who are_ you _to command us?_ \- One demands. - _Our alpha will tear you apart-_

- _The alpha will fall under my will as surely as any other warg_ \- she replies confidently. Laughter greets her.

- _The alpha is no warg-_ they howl and snap out of her grip, attacking the tree with renewed vigour.

She slumps against Kili, too tired to try again and the wargs likely know it. They howl their triumph and charge the tree over and over and it is all she can do to cling to Kili.

"Hold tight," he whispers, "unless you've got enough left in you to become a bird?"

She can't answer, she _has_ the energy but she doesn't want to leave. She _can't_ leave them. Instead she nuzzles his cheek. She'll stay with him and she clings tighter when the wargs assault forces them all into the last remaining tree. Fire rages around them, though she has no idea how it started, and she looks to see Fili staring at both of them with something unreadable in his eyes. The tree collapses, flames lick towards them, the heat and smoke make her eyes water and her chest hurt and the three of them cling to a branch together.

"You have to do it, Kili," she hears Fili shout. "You _have_ to change. Take Billana and go!"

"Not without you," Kili replies. "And Billana's nearly spent. You saw how she struggled with the wargs."

"She should have enough left for you both to get away from here. At least to the bottom," Fili shouts. "I'm not _asking,_ Kili," he adds. "Take her, go home, forget the mountain."

"I'm not leaving you to _die_!" Kili snaps.

"You'll condemn Billana to the same fate, she can't possibly survive this if it comes down to a fight!"

"I'll give her the _choice_!" Kili screams into sudden silence and Billana turns her attention away from the brothers to the rest of the dwarves. They are all staring in horror at the mountain, at a great white orc atop a massive warg that approaches the tree roaring in it's own vile tongue. She tries to reach for the warg and her magic shrieks. Something about this feels wrong, deeply wrong.

Chaotic.

It burns through the warg and into the orc and she realises with horror that _this_ is the alpha the pack were talking about. Something dark and terrible has bound the minds of the warg and orc together and _that_ is how he has become the unchallenged alpha. Billana cannot reach the warg and she shudders against Kili as the orc bellows a challenge to Thorin.

A challenge that the idiot promptly takes up. The others scream and yell, Billana yowls. No matter whether Thorin wins against this creature or not, the rest of the orcs will kill them. This is a foolishness. He falls, she realises that no one can get to him and despair fills her as surely as it does the rest of the Company. Devastation colours Fili's face and he turns pleading eyes on her and Kili.

He's trying to send her away, she realises. He _wants_ her to leave, even if Kili refuses, because he knows that she will be useless to them in whatever comes next. She _can't_ leave. She won't. She realised under the mountain that these dwarves are all she has, that she is closer to Kili and Fili than she has ever been to anyone else and she refuses to leave them. If they are all to die then she will die _with_ them because without them she has nothing. A glance at Gandalf, however, shows that he is looking at the sky as though waiting for something and she realises that perhaps the old fool has a plan to get them all out of this mess. She hopes so, because she is about to take a form that she hasn't dared to take since the Fell Winter. She would rather not _die_ in that shape, she would rather not die with the memory of Fili realising that she is worthless to them now and trying to get rid of her. She leaps, bounding along the trunk of the tree and only distantly aware of both of the princes screaming her name, though Kili's voice is the loudest. She ignores them, changing between one leap and the next, launching herself using powerful hind legs so that she can close lethal jaws around the neck of the orc poised to kill Thorin, ripping out its throat.

She hasn't been a wolf since the Fell Winter, not since her mother died and she did what she had to in order to survive, staying a wolf for so long that she forgot who she really was. She hasn't taken this form since Gandalf forced her to change back and remember, made her promise never to take the form of a creature so far removed from a gentle hobbit again. She hates to disappoint the wizard but she hates the thought of her dwarves dying without hope more.

Billana stands over Thorin's prone form, hackles raised and teeth bared. She can smell his blood and hear his breath. As long as he lives she will guard him. The orcs get over their shock quickly, one lone wolf cannot hold them all off and she is smaller than the wargs. Her actions, however, have had the desired effect as the Company streams past her to come to Thorin's defence. They fight with everything that they have, as does she until a knife slashes through her hind quarters and she yelps, a sound that becomes a scream as her grasp of her form fails. She shifts back to herself, too magically and physically exhausted to sustain an alternative form any longer.

The orc above her laughs, she knows she is going to die because she has no way of defending herself now. It falls with a startled grunt to reveal Kili, his face savage and furious, who reaches for her. She goes to him willingly, barely able to stand on her injured leg, and she doesn't know if she is relieved or horrified when her mind fills with soaring silver that tastes of the wind.

"Hold on," Kili sweeps her in front of him and under his coat as large talons close around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is stressful, but my mummy fu is on point because I got through the family session today with enough time to get this one typed up. This is how I relax.
> 
> Love me!! Within an hour of posting both my children had covered their beds in vomit. It's going to be a long night


	22. On The Wings Of Eagles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Landing on the back of a giant eagle in flight is not quite as soft as might be assumed

Landing on the back of a giant eagle in flight is not quite as soft as might be assumed, although it isn't something that Billana has ever put any serious consideration into. The air is cool, and she burrows into the eagles feathers as much as she can. Next to her Kili groans as he shifts so that he can look for any signs of his uncle or brother, the way he turns his head is almost frantic and it is a long moment until he seems to realise he can use his gift to far-speak Fili at least. Billana curls into herself as much as possible and isn't able to suppress a yelp when her leg pulls and she feels the warmth of fresh blood against her cool skin.

"Billana!" Kili turns to her and she shrinks into herself further, expecting anger and recriminations.

Fili was going to send her away, she thinks, he was going to get Kili to make sure that she was gone. It hurts to think that he had finally realised how little use she really is to them, to think that he would decide to get rid of her in what might have been the last moments of their lives, and she doesn't want to hear Kili's thoughts on the matter. She doesn't want to hear him berate her for throwing herself into danger, for being useless, for becoming a distraction.

"I need to see your leg," Kili tells her, his hand a warmth on her shoulder that she cannot help leaning in to. "I'm not as good at healing as Fili, but I know enough. Let me see?" She shifts as much as she dares and hears him hiss at the sight of the gash in her leg. There is a moment of warmth and the pain eases, though it does not fade entirely. "Fili can do a better job when we land," he tells her, then he seems to remember how high they are and her state of undress. "Mahal, Billana, you must be frozen," he moves again, opening his coat as wide as he can and pulling her to him, not an easy task when perched on the back of an eagle in flight.

- _If you two could sit still, it would be greatly appreciated_ \- the eagle tells her.

"Sorry," she whispers, pressed with her chest against Kili's, her head under his chin and his coat wrapped tightly around them both.

"You don't have anything to apologise for," Kili says, obviously not having heard the eagle. She doesn't correct him. "You saved my uncle, you used the last of your magic to do what none of the rest of us could. Why are you _sorry_?" To her horror she feels her eyes fill with tears at the warmth in his voice and she sniffles, trying to blink them away. "What's wrong?" He asks in alarm, she evidently hasn't been as discrete as she had thought.

"Fili was going to send me away," she breathes.

"Of course he was," Kili replies. "I was going to ask you to go as well." Her blood seems to freeze and she tenses.

"I know I was useless," she whispers, "but-"

"' _Useless_ '?" Kili demands. "What makes you think he said it because he thought you were _useless_? That was the last reason we could possibly have had. He told you to go because he wanted to make sure you would be _safe_." His arms tighten when she shakes her head.

"People don't send me away to keep me safe," she tells him in a whisper. "I'm just Belladonna Took's bastard daughter. They keep me around for as long as I'm of use or worth to them."

"Look at me," he orders softly and when she doesn't move his arms vanish from around her, cold air hits her back as he pulls away so that he can take her face in his hands and force her to look at him. "Those others were blind fools. You are worth a thousand of them. More. You are _not_ a thing, Billana, you not _just_ Belladonna Took's daughter. You are _incredible_ and I thank Mahal that you are my friend. I cannot promise that we will never ask you to leave us again, but if we do I _swear_ it will be because we want to keep you from harm. It will always be so that we can keep you safe."

" _Kili_ ," she breathes, not quite sure that she can believe his words with all the memories of Camellia and her Baggins family telling her the opposite.

"I watched you _fall_ , Billana," he says. "We _both_ did. Twice now we've had to face the possibility that this quest, for a mountain none of us have ever seen and that has no significance to any hobbit, may have cost your life. I promised you a home with us, kundith," he reminds her, his eyes intense even in the moonlight and his thumbs are warm as the brush away tears that have begun to fall. "How can we give you a home if you're dead?"

"What kind of home would it be without the two of you?" She counters. "You're my dearest friends, it wouldn't be anything if you weren't there." He sighs and presses their foreheads together, a gesture that she has seen many members of the Company exchange. She can feel the warmth of his breath ghosting across her lips and it seems as though the rest of the world has fallen away. "Don't send me away again," she pleads. "I couldn't bear it. You told Fili you would give me the choice of staying or going, don't take that away from me." So few have ever thought to allow her that.

"I can't make promises for Fili," Kili warns, "in case you didn't notice he tried to get me to leave as well. If you need it, however, I swear that I will always, _always_ , give you the choice."

His hands are still on her cheeks and she reaches up to wrap her own around them. He flinches at the chill of them and then moves so that she is resting against him once more. He bundles her back up in his coat without a word, his arms a welcome strength around her, and she drifts in and out of an exhausted doze as they fly through the remainder of the night and into the sunrise. Kili holds her tightly as she rests, warming and reassuring her even though she doubts he realises that he is doing it.

The difficulty comes when the eagles drop them off. The bird that Billana and Kili have been riding is the last to arrive. She is comfortable wrapped up under Kili's coat, safe and protected, but with the moment to leave this safe little bubble comes the realisation that she is naked beneath it. He seems to realise her problem, however, and likely because he has been through the same thing more than once.

"I'll go first," he tells her, "and I'll catch you."

She agrees quietly, though she isn't sure there are any other options available to them, and waits for Kili to call up to her as she worries at a finger nail between her teeth. Finally, though really it can only have been seconds, he tells her he is ready for her and she slides nervously down. Billana thanks the large bird gratefully as Kili wraps her back in his coat. Everyone else is clustered around Thorin's prone form as Gandalf mutters over him and she can feel from the tension in Kili that he must want to go to his uncle's side. Still, he lingers with her, obviously considering the necessity of finding an opportunity for her to dress and not having had time to remove his coat as the eagle's impatience to leave had been obvious even to him.

"I'll take her, lad," she hears Balin say. "Give me her pack and go see to Thorin."

His tone is colder than she has ever heard and she looks to see that he has removed his heavy red robe, holding it out to her and she steps almost regretfully away from her friend. Balin wraps her up quickly, giving Kili a pointed look until the younger dwarf hands over her belongings. It's strange to see Balin in only a light shirt and his heavy dwarven trousers, he seems somehow smaller for it, more vulnerable. Kili gives her a reassuring smile and begins to follow his elder's instructions before pausing.

"I'll send Fili to take a look at your leg," he says to her.

"I'm sure Oin will be able to handle it," Balin responds.

"I already started the healing," Kili objects. "Oin will know the signs. If Thorin still wants my gift a secret from the rest-"

"Very well," Balin interrupts with a huff. "Is that alright with _you_?" He asks her. She blinks.

"Fili's healed me before," she mutters, "I would be more at ease with him." Balin nods, seeming not to notice the almost relieved look that Kili gives her.

Billana still isn't entirely sure that she can believe Kili's assurances that Fili was only trying to keep her safe. She _wants_ to and yet, since her mother's death, that has _not_ been her experience of the world. The only way to know would be to see Fili for herself. Balin seems to notice the fact that her thoughts are racing because he simply presses the pack into her hands with a kind smile and gently tells her to get dressed. She thanks him and begins to move away, only to find herself suddenly wrapped in a gentle embrace.

"Thank you, Billana," Balin breathes, his voice almost trembling with gratitude. She sinks against him, content to be held as her mind quiets. Balin, at least, has given her no reason to question his regard.

Fiii's concerned expression, when he comes to them a little while later, goes a long way towards assuring her that Kili had the right of things. Especially when Fili pulls her into a fierce embrace of his own as soon as he is finished checking her leg. He doesn't speak, just wraps his arms tightly around her. This is not the hold of someone who is pleased because she can still be useful. Even her limited experience of such reactions tells Billana that this is the pure relief of a friend.

Who is to know, then, if she sheds a few relieved tears of her own into the fur collar of his coat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butchered Khuzdul (via dwarrowscholar):  
> Kundith: little wolf/young wolf
> 
> My mummy fu is still going strong, although the rough draft of the chapter was written between bouts of child vomit (think The Exorcist and you won't go far wrong) and then typed up while waiting for meringues to cool and biscuits to bake and other food to cook. On the plus side, got comfy new pillows out of the showers of child vomit. Even the Manbeast draws the line at pillows that still smell of vomit after two washes.
> 
> See you all after Christmas.
> 
> Nadelik Lowen


	23. Winter Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter had come early to the Shire after a short, wet summer

The trip down from their landing place is difficult. Every member of the Company is battered and bruised, though Thorin is easily the worst off even with the healing used by Gandalf, Oin and Fili. After some debate it is agreed that Kili, who they all know can at least lift things with his gift, will use it to carefully carry Thorin to the bottom. Billana, they decide, will be passed down from one dwarf to the next. If she weren't still so exhausted she would object to the thought of being passed about like some sort of doll, but she doesn't have the energy.

The trip is not one she wants to repeat. If Billana had thought the expressions of the Company after she had healed the pony were awed, they were nothing to what she sees on their faces _now_. They handle her gently, though not in the way one might handle a fragile thing. It is almost reverent, the way one might handle something that is precious beyond all measure. It makes her uncomfortable.

Upon reaching the bottom attention immediately turns to the question of supplies. Most of the Company's belongings are gone, almost the only things that they have are the weapons that they could recover and whatever they managed to keep in their pockets. Billana is the only one who managed to recover much of anything in the way of food and water and even _that_ had been all that she could carry, minimal as it is. The sense of a family of otters nearby tells her that there is a large stream or small river close to their location and that it must have fish. She passes the information on in an exhausted haze. Seeing this, and noting that the rest of them are as bad off, Balin firmly suggests that they make camp nearby, close enough to the stream she has suggested so that they can fish, wash and get water to drink, but not so close that those bathing can't have a little privacy.

Thorin, to her surprise, doesn't even _try_ to argue and they all stop as soon as a suitable location can be found. Billana is asleep almost as soon as she has sat down.

She wakes with her blankets wrapped around her and her head pressed against Gandalf's side. The wizard is silently puffing his pipe, creating smoke rings which dart around the camp. Thorin is propped against a nearby boulder, his expression speaking volumes about the fact that someone, likely Fili, has ordered him to stay in that spot. His face softens, however, when he sees that she has woken. The others bustle around them, fish cook over the fire, and coats hang from tree limbs having obviously been hastily scrubbed.

"Awake at last," Gandalf observes.

"How long was I asleep?" She asks, stretching and wincing at the pill of strained muscles and the crackle of dried blood on her skin.

"Several hours," the wizard replies. "You exhausted yourself." She hums, waiting for the inevitable and cringing when it comes. "You promised me you would never take that form again."

"I couldn't let them kill Thorin," she objects. "I had to do _something_."

"You were given those instructions for good reason, Billana," Gandalf reminds her. "Even the best of intentions could not have prevented a less than favourable outcome."

I was _fine_ , Gandalf!" She cries. "I was completely myself."

"You will forgive me if I find that difficult to believe, young hobbit," the wizard replies coldly, "after all, I just witnessed you use your teeth to rip out an orc's throat." She hears some mutters from the others, though they mostly sound impressed as opposed to angry or disgusted.

"I used what I had available to me at the time," she mutters. "It wasn't the wolf."

"And, perhaps, that is _worse_ ," Gandalf sighs. "You were a gentle child, Billana."

"You don't ask a 'gentle child' to undertake a quest like this," she says. "You don't send them into a dragon's den. The Fell Winter and the wolf robbed me of nearly all the gentleness I had. Camellia finished the job after you left me with her. If I'm not 'gentle' anymore, Gandalf, perhaps it's because _you_ abandoned me!"

Maybe the wolf _has_ had an affect on her. Maybe it's still there, in the back of her mind, she doesn't even feel the nerves that would usually come from such a statement. or the fear of being rejected for speaking her own mind. She is too tired for it, too drained from lack of food and sleep, from fighting and running and changing at least one more time than she would usually dare to attempt in so short a time. If Gandalf had waited until morning, if he had waited until she had eaten and some of her magic had been replenished, Billana knows that she would not have dared to respond like this. She knows that if Gandalf had waited she would never have decided to air the grievance that has festered in the years since that winter.

"You needed to remember who you were," Gandalf tells her, "and you needed your people to do that. You almost lost yourself, Billana."

"Well, maybe you should have let me _stay_ that way!" She shouts with a half sob. "I would have been better off."

"Enough," Balin says, easing between them and putting an arm about Billana's shoulders. "I think, perhaps, it would be helpful if one of you _explained_ why the wolf was a bad choice. For our part, we believed it the perfect option."

"I will explain as best I can-" Gandalf begins.

" _No_ ," Billana cuts him off. " _I_ will tell it. There is plenty you don't know, because you never _did_ ask." She looks at the gathered dwarves and then turns her eyes onto her hands. This story _has_ to affect how they look at her from this point on and it is one she had hoped never to tell. "It was four winters ago," she begins into the silence.

**Flashback: 2936 The Fell Winter**

_Winter had come early to the Shire after a short, wet summer. Billana's animal friends had warned her of it's approach, able to sense that it would be upon them sooner than usual. Billana had passed her friends' warning onto her mother and step-father, aware that she was not the only one who would need to make preparations. Belladonna had used the warning to begin to gather more of the herbs she used when healing and to make more preserves. Bungo had sniffed and retired to his study to look over his accounts. It had always been a relief to Billana when he spent his days_ there _rather than elsewhere in the smial._

_True to her predictions winter had been upon them before October was through, starting with an early frost and thick ice. The first snowfall came before the harvest festival, though it was light, and the hobbits had scrambled to salvage what remaining crops they could. Inside Bag End Bungo had turned to her mother with a grim smile._

_"Your daughter has her uses," he had said. "We would be in a much worse position had she not thought to warn us."_

_She had always been 'Belladonna's daughter' to Bungo, no matter that he had as much of a hand in raising her as a natural father might have done. The rest of the Shire had taken their cues from him in how to treat her and so she had never been fully accepted as a Baggins. Billana had tried, once, to call Bungo 'Papa', she had been four and hadn't known better. Bungo had struck her, hard enough to knock her into one of the side tables. She had never attempted to address him so again, and there had been no affection from Bungo to encourage it. Like the rest, he treated her with contempt and distaste and Billana had accepted it. She wanted little to do with the rest of the hobbits anyway._

_Her mother had coughed at the statement, a wet and hacking thing that would grow gradually worse as winter continued its inexorable march. The first light snows quickly gave way to frequent heavy storms. Belladonna began to spend longer and longer trudging through snow, wind and ice to visit patients. Often she would return late at night, exhausted and pale with hollow eyes and sunken cheeks. The rationing of their food, which had begun as November turned to December and the necessity of it became apparent, didn't help much. Her cough worsened until Billana had begun to find blood stained rags among the washing when there should have been none. She had begged her mother to stop going out, begged her to rest, but Belladonna had refused. If not her, there would be no one, her apprentice had long moved on to live in Michel Delving and he would be as busy as she._

_Billana had always liked Edelard Bolger, he was a cheerful lad who had shown her more understanding and kindness than any of the others. Often she found herself wishing that he had never left and that winter she had wished it all the harder, particularly when, three days before Yule, she had returned from a successful hunting trip to find Bungo waiting for her. His face had been grim and his eyes glittered with some dark emotion that Billana had never been able to identify._

_"Your mother is dead," he had told her from the door, no emotion to his tone, no sign that he even really cared._

_At first, Billana hadn't believed it. She had tried, with increasing desperation, to get into the smial, calling and screaming for her mother. Eventually, Edelard had appeared, summoned by her cries, with his sleeves still rolled to his elbows and his grief clear. He had forced Bungo to let her past, had taken her to see her mother's corpse, withered by lack of food and long illness. He had, at least, arranged her so that she appeared at peace._

_"How?" She had whispered. "_ Why _?"_

_"Your mother always gave too much," Edelard told her. "She kept giving without rest until there was only her own life force to draw from."_

_Her mother had always been like that, using just that little bit too much of her gift to heal an injury or illness. She had said that it was her way of making up for the pain her actions had caused her parents. Billana had never understood that. All she understood now was that her mother had gone too far and given too much, and on top of her illness it had cost her life. Edelard had stayed for a short time, helped to prepare the body and informed the town of Belladonna's passing. For those few days Billana had remained in her childhood home in relative safety, even the arrival of Longo, Camellia and Otho Sackville-Baggins had done little to affect her as long as Edelard was there. They had come, they said, to help Bungo in his grief, though it was clear to any who cared to look that Bungo was_ not _grieving at all. As long as Edelard was in the smial, however, Camellia had been civli no matter how many whispered conversations with Bungo Billana had interrupted._

_She had known that it would not last._

_Within an hour of Edelard's departure she had been cast from the smial with only the clothes on her back. Billana had been, almost perversely, glad of it. That night was the night the wolves came to their part of the Shire for the first time. That night she joined her mind with that of the pack-leader in order to save her own life. That night she took the form that she would wear for nearly five weeks._

_At first the wolves were content to take what livestock they could and Billana hunted with them. She learnt quickly, the animal instincts which came with the form helping her to adapt. She became part of the pack, living and sleeping among them. She learnt their ways and used the intelligence that came from having been a hobbit to earn her place. The hobbits, however, quickly realised that if the wolves continued to take their livestock they would starve. They began to bring their animals into their smials and the wolves began to become desperate. They started attacking dwellings._

_More than one hobbit was killed during the attacks. The wolves, now desperate enough, would eat the hobbit dead as surely as they would any chicken, sheep, cow or even cat that they could kill. Billana balked, at first, and ate only the chickens or her share of the larger kills. Gradually, however, she forgot what it was to be a hobbit and while she never joined the others in devouring the corpses of her people, she was far from the gentle creature who had been turned out into the night with nothing._

_Eventually, a month after she had lost her home and more days that she could recall after losing herself, the wolves had made it to Bag End. Billana had not been the one to end Bungo's life, a fact that she would later be relieved about, but she had been close enough for the blood that had sprayed from his neck to hit her in the face. Seeing her step-father die had, for a moment, made her remember herself enough to prevent the rest of the pack from killing the other occupants of the smial. She had imposed her will upon them for long enough to get the pack out of Bag End and make certain that they stayed away. Bungo was dead, but she had saved the rest of his family._

_She would regret it in later days._

_The wolves moved towards Buckland after that, deciding to move east having come up from the south, at Billana's urging. Hobbiton was becoming too dangerous for them and it was time to move on to where it might be easier to find unguarded livestock. Billana had gone with them as one of them, and it was there that they had encountered Gandalf. The wizard had known her instantly, even as the pack had attacked the rangers that had come with him, and his eyes had been on her as she had circled him._

_"Call them off, Billana," the wizard had ordered. She snarled, her belly empty and the threat before her clear. "My dear girl," he continued, "has it truly become as bad as this?" Yelps sounded from behind her, pain flooded her mind where the feeling of the pack had once been. "This isn't_ you, _child. Call off your pack and come back to yourself."_

_She leapt, her aim the wizard's throat, to end the threat to her and to her pack. Pain flared in her head and body, her bones and muscles screamed. She shrieked, her voice as much of a surprise as the sudden cold air on her skin and the bite of the snow when she landed on it._

_"Sleep now," Gandalf ordered as he placed a warm hand on her brow. "Sleep, dear Billana, and remember yourself."_

_She had slept for five days, a sleep filled with dreams of her time as a wolf and her life as a hobbit. A sleep of memories. Billana woke to find herself in her bed in Bag End with Gandalf sat beside her. His ancient face seemed to have aged decades in the time that he had waited for her to awaken, waited to discover whether he had brought back a hobbit, or a wolf who wore the skin of one._

_"You were lucky, Billana," he said when he had been satisfied as to her state of mind. "Had I arrived even a day later there would not have been enough of you left to save. Should you take that form again, I do not know if you would ever be able to change back. The pack did terrible things, Billana, and you did them as well, or caused them in your grief. I have concealed how you survived after fleeing this place upon the passing of your mother from the other hobbits. It would be unwise of you to allow them to discover the truth." She nodded, her gaze fixed on her hands. "You must promise me_ never _to take that shape again, Billana," he said firmly. "I will not be able to bring you out of it should you lose yourself a second time."_

 _She had given her word, terrified of what he might do if she did not and worried about what she might turn in to should she ever take wolf form again. Gandalf had left not long after and Billana had remained in Camellia's care until being forced to flee to her grandfather a matter of weeks_ later.

 **End flashback**.

"I didn't think on the cliff," she says quietly, not daring to look at the Company who have gathered in front of her. "I needed something powerful and the wolf was the first thing that came to mind."

There is silence for a long moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope everyone had a good festive period. I'm still a bit snowed under so it will be a while until I get back to my usual posting schedule.


	24. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silence when she stops speaking is almost unbearable

The silence when she stops speaking is almost unbearable and Billana forces herself to look at the Company, wondering if by talking of her past she has just signed her own death warrant. She has dared to call these dwarves friends, but what friend would feel anything other than disgust at the madness she allowed to consume her? What friend would accept the things that she did and allowed to happen? She stands, ready to run if she needs to though she doubts she will get far.

She does not expect Balin's hand to slide into hers from his position next to her. Nor does she expect to see the wet shine of Gloin's eyes when she dares to look at him, or the way that his beard is obviously wet with tears. She doesn't expect the heartache that she sees so clearly on Fili and Kili's faces, or the guilt that has crept into Fili's gaze as he looks at her. She sees how Ori and Dori cling to one another, hears Dwalin murmuring promises to Nori as he holds the thief in place that he will help deliver retribution on her behalf. She doesn't expect Bombur and Bifur to look so sad, or for Bofur to look almost _lost_ , for Oin to be so silent and still, as though he has heard every word she has said even though his ear trumpet has been lost to him.

Most of all, however, she is taken aback by Thorin's reaction.

"You are a true friend, Billana," he says, struggling to his feet, "that you would take such a risk humbles me."

"I don't understand," she whispers.

"I know what it is to fear the loss of myself," Thorin tells her in a low voice, "many in my line have been overcome by some madness or another and I fear that one day I will face the same trial. You have faced that fear with far more grace than I, and you have overcome it. It is an honour that you would choose us, Billana." He looks at Balin and something passes between them in that moment.

"Who was your mother, before she married your step-father?" Balin asks her, his hand drifting to his pocket.

"She was a Took," Billana replies in confusion. "Belladonna Took."

"It is not right," Balin says firmly, "that you carry the name of one who mistreated you so, one who would cast a grieving child into the snow to her death. Bungo Baggins was no father to you and you should not be forced to carry the remembrance of him with you in his name. We would suggest that you honour your mother, cast aside the painful reminder of your past and walk the world as Billana Took with your head held high."

Billana stares at him, lost for words. All her life she has been told that being Belladonna's daughter, having no idea of the true identity of her father, was a thing she should carry with shame, that it was a terrible thing. She knows that Kili once told her that his people care little about such things, but hearing it from him once and hearing it now from Balin as the others mutter their approval is almost too much. To hear her secret dream put voice to and accepted without thought or question is more than she could have hoped for.

"I would name you dwarf-friend, Billana Took," Thorin says, his voice so warm and full of approval that she trembles.

"I-" she glances at Gandalf, who nods, "I don't know what to say." Thorin takes her into his arms gently, as much for her sake as his own she suspects.

"You need not say anything," he breathes, "When we are some place safe and clean we will see to the ceremony. Balin will instruct you on how it is done."

He releases her and suddenly it is all too much. She stumbles away from her friends, running into the trees as tears blind her and stream down her cheeks, stopping only when she reaches the river. Billana sinks to her knees on the bank and sobs. They should hate her and fear her. They should be disgusted by the thing that she allowed herself to become. She hardly knows what to do with their reaction.

"Oh, Kitten," she hears Fili say as his coat settles over her. It is thick and warm, a familiar comfort that she clings to.

"Am I?" She whispers. "Am I really still your 'Kitten'?" She wants to believe it; she wants it to be true and to know that his opinion of her hasn’t changed. Fili and Kili are her friends, she’s never had friends like them, not even the twins, and the thought that she might lose them hurts more than she can put words to.

“Of course you are,” he assures her as he eases down next to her, as uncaring about the dirt beneath them as she is. “Should that have changed? Should I call you something else?” She shrugs helplessly, meeting his eyes in the light of the setting sun and able to see his concern clearly. He sighs. “ _Nothing_ will change that, Billana, no secret that you carry will change the fact that you _are_ that pretty kitten who crawled in with us before we left the Shire. The only thing that can change that is a word from you. I understand your doubt and I owe you an apology for actions of my own that contributed to it. I never should have told Kili to take you away,” she makes a noise of protest and he hushes her softly, tucking tangled curls back behind her ear. “Let me finish,” he breathes. “I only wanted to keep you safe, and I should have known that you’d already made the decision to stay, but the thought of seeing you die made me abandon all thought of what my request might have seemed to be in your eyes. Hearing what was _done_ to you, hearing that you were forced from your home in your time of grief and need makes what I tried to do all the worse.”

“You don’t need to apologise,” she replies, she had already forgiven him for trying to send her to safety when he had clung to her on top of the Carrock. “I didn’t give you any reason to think that I could keep myself safe or that I would be an asset to the situation. I kept so many secrets. I did things you should _hate_ me for.”

“You survived,” Fili tells her, “and I think you’ve endured far more than you’ve told any of us. Gandalf was wrong to say that you have lost your gentle spirit,” he slips an arm around her shoulders to pull her against him, running his fingers through her curls absently. “You would need to be blind to miss how gentle your heart is. That it has been tempered by hardship is nothing to be ashamed of, Kitten.” Her cheeks heat in a blush and she hums, feeling the comfort in the way his hand moves through her hair.

“Mama used to do this,” she whispers, lacking a better response to his words. “When I was upset as a child, she would comb my hair. I miss it.” Fili’s hand stills. “Hair doesn’t mean much to hobbits,” she shrugs, tilting her face so that she can look at him. Fili’s embarrassment is clear. “Mostly it’s just a mess that gets in the way. I won’t tell, though,” she assures him with a smile, and he gives her a gentle one in return. It fades quickly, however, when she worries at her lower lip with her teeth. “What if it happens again?” She asks suddenly. “What if I forget who I am again?”

“You won’t,” he says firmly. “You were alone then, Billana, you will not be again.” His words are a promise that she doesn’t quite understand, but she leans against him all the same, drawing comfort in the strength of his arm around her, though his fingers do not return to her hair the way that she wishes they would.

The two of them sit quietly for a while as the sun finally sets and night falls. After a time, however, Billana gets to her feet with a sigh. Her thoughts and emotions are still tumultuous, but it is time to go back and face the others. Fili offers her a hand with an encouraging smile and she accepts it, taking a deep breath before beginning to walk back to camp, his hand clasped tightly in hers.

“We saved you two some fish,” Bofur greets them with a warm smile. “Can’t let our hobbit go hungry, can we?” She tenses, waiting for a sharp comment about the secret she has shared, but Bofur simply hands them their food with a wink.

That, it seems, is all the reaction she is to get from the dwarves. Only Kili reacts any differently and that is only to press his head to hers briefly with a relieved smile. It is while she is eating that she begins to understand what has happened. It isn’t so much that they aren’t mentioning her past, it is simply that they have accepted it and have decided that there is no need to draw more attention to it. It happened and has been dealt with and they are not hobbits who fear the unexplained. Actions, she realises as she recalls Kili’s words to her outside her rundown smial, really _do_ carry more meaning for dwarves.

“I am sorry, Billana,” Gandalf says a while later. “I had no idea how bad things were for you. I should have investigated further.”

“And what would you have done with me if you had?” She sighs. “We both know that you have bigger responsibilities.” She shakes her head. “Just promise me one thing?”

“If it is within my power,” the wizard nods. 

“If it happens again, if I _lose_ myself again, don’t turn me back.”

“I do not believe it will happen again, my dear,” Gandalf replies, unconsciously uttering the same assurance as Fili. “Grief and misery do strange things to a mind, Billana, and that is something I should have accounted for.”

She stares at him, unable to believe the conclusion he had drawn without knowing or considering all of the facts. For years she has lived with the fear of losing herself to an animal form and _now_ he is telling her that fear might well have been unfounded. Telling her tale, however, as well as her confusion over the dwarves reactions, has left her too drained to do more than roll her eyes and sigh.

“I’m going to sleep,” she tells Kili, who is scowling at Gandalf coldly.

“Sleep well, Kundith,” he says softly.

She doesn’t.

Her dreams are plagued by memories and regrets that she had believed she had put to one side. She stirs frequently, not quite waking but not really asleep either, vaguely aware of the others talking around her. The sound of Fili and Kili’s voices, the tender way that Kili calls her ‘kundith’ as he assures her that she is safe and the warmth of their words chase away the dreams for a short time, but when they fall silent the nightmares return. Finally, she feels fingers in her hair, feels the firmness of a chest beneath her hands and her nose fills with steel and leather and, impossibly, old parchment. Balin. She sleeps soundly after that.

Billana wakes before dawn, warm and comfortable in a way that she can only recall being a handful of times in the past. Balin snores next to her, and a glance at the hand which rests on her hip tells her that Fili and Kili are nearby. Nature’s call, however, reminds her of why she woke, and she crawls out of her warm spot.

“Don’t go far, lass,” she hears Dwalin say. He is sat on a log near to the last remaining embers of the fire, his face watchful and tired. “The mages were too spent for the wards they’ll be too tired to look for you should you lose your way.” She waves to indicate that she has heard him and disappears into the trees.

Business is taken care of quickly and her mind turns to the river with it. She _needs_ to wash; she was one of the only ones who didn’t get a chance the day before and she can still feel dried blood from both herself and the orcs on her skin. A cold scrub with river sand sounds better than walking around coated in filth and the water is too cold to cause her to have any desire to linger. Billana washes quickly and as best she can with what she has available, mourning the lack of a blanket or towel to dry herself with as she drips her way towards her clothes. There isn’t time to wait for her skin to dry fully, though the warmth of summer is enough that she hardly shivers even _this_ early in the day, and she cringes at the feeling of dry clothing on wet skin.

“Feeling better, lass?” She hears Balin ask from the trees. She makes a noise of surprise and nods. “It’s not safe to be alone out here,” he reminds her, “and you’re as spent as the rest of us.”

He is right, of course, and she apologises as she approaches him. He waves it away with a smile.

“Can I ask you something?” She says as they return to camp. Balin nods. “You’ve all accepted it but – doesn’t what I did worry you?” Balin halts.

“We have a saying: ‘Beware the lady warrior, for they are as deadly as they are beautiful,’” he replies and shrugs. “It sounds better in Khuzdul,” he admits. “I told you a couple of weeks ago that you’re stronger than you realise. Your actions proved me right and they showed that to all of us. I would say our little adage is very accurate where you’re concerned.”

“I’m hardly beautiful, Balin,” she objects. “And I’m no warrior.”

“I would challenge _any_ dwarf in our Company to say you were not beautiful in the moment you ripped that orc’s throat out,” Balin chuckles.

“I was a _wolf_!” 

“Are you saying an animal cannot be beautiful?” He asks and she shakes her head. “Then take my word for it, and if you won’t accept _mine_ , take Kili’s. I couldn’t help but notice his new name for you.” She looks at him blankly. “Kundith means ‘little wolf’ in our tongue. I imagine he chose it for much the same reasons as Fili has take to calling you ‘Kitten’.”

“I didn’t think it meant anything,” she shrugs. It takes a lot to stamp down on the coldness that fills her at the thought of Kili calling her ‘little wolf’. She knows he doesn’t mean any harm by it, in fact the warmth in his voice when he has said it assures her of the opposite, but the wolf has always been a source of fear for her. She could tell him to stop, and she knows that he would even if he would be hurt by the request, but she will not. She doesn’t want to keep fearing that part of her, the dwarves obviously don’t and perhaps they have the right of it. 

Balin is giving her an odd look and she tilts her head at him. He merely huffs and shakes his with a mutter of something she has no chance of understanding.

“We better get back,” he says rather than continuing their conversation. “Thorin was making noise about moving on, and I dread to think of what scheme the wizard has come up with _this_ time.” **** ~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled with this the last couple of days. Billana was a bit of a rabbit in the lamplight in this one. I pretty much just let them all do their thing and rolled with it. 
> 
> The dwarf adage is a reworking of a quote from Protector of the Small, another series set in the same universe as The Immortals, suggested by DarkSorceressofLight: you were right, he did feel it was appropriate


	25. Safety?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf's plan, as Billana has come to learn most of them are, is not overly well thought out

Gandalf's plan, as Billana has come to learn most of them are, is not overly well thought out. He knows of a place that they can go, he tells them. This place is roughly in the right direction and _should_ be perfectly safe, provided the occupant is in a _good_ mood. They will not, however, make it through Mirkwood without supplies and they are no doubt being followed, something that Billana would confirm if she weren't so exhausted. Nor will they make it much further without finding somewhere safe to rest and heal and they do not have the time to go around the great forest that lies between them and Esgaroth.

No one has any better ideas, sadly, and none of them are even remotely familiar with the area they have found themselves in. Even Gandalf eventually admits, after a little pressing, that the one he is taking them to is unknown to him but for the word of one of his fellow wizards.

"But we should do well enough," he adds cheerfully, "with Billana among us." Several of the others turn to glare at the wizard, Billana among them.

"What difference could _I_ possibly make?" She demands, trotting beside him as they all walk north-east.

"You shall see," Gandalf smiles, "we wouldn't want to ruin the surprise."

She mutters to herself as she walks, even more annoyed when they are told that the dwelling of their potential host is still almost two days hike away. A night of troubled sleep has done little to replenish her, both magically and physically, and it is clear that the others are also still suffering. She feels a touch of guilt about that, that it was her poor sleep and nightmares that has likely kept so many of her friends from the sleep that they all needed. Still, she has enough to stretch out her senses and seek out the local wildlife, though she refuses to tell Kili, Fili or Nori where they might find some game since she refuses to use the advantage her magic gives her while hunting, looking for whatever information she can find on their intended destination. With her magic so depleted, however, her range is drastically diminished, and it takes more effort and concentration than she would like.

Knowing whether they are being tracked and if their goal is as safe as Gandalf claims is worth the headache and the few times Fili or Kili have to catch her when she stumbles on a stone, root or her own foot.

- _I have heard of a place_ \- a peregrine falcon tells her - _my mate spoke of it last spring. It is not within our hunting grounds now, and I have never been that far north, I prefer to avoid the lands of the dark dwellers during the journey times. My mate has told me that it is a place of safety for our kind, the Bear-Man watches over it now as he has for generations. It is a good story for hatchlings.-_

Peregrines wander, she knows, and this one obviously prefers to go to the south or east when the nesting season is done. She thanks him and turns her attention elsewhere. With her range restricted by her exhaustion there is little more that she can do, and they are too far away from their destination for her to gather much more information about the road ahead. Instead she quietly asks the flocks of birds nearby to keep watch behind them for orcs and lets her magic rest. The others, thankfully, don't even try to suggest that she do any investigating at all, and she files away the falcon's statement that the land they are headed towards is protected in some way. She will ask Gandalf about it later, though she very much doubts that she will get any answers. The wizard is being irritatingly close lipped about their destination.

They forage as they go, Billana finding some more mushrooms and summer greenery, though the small patch of wild strawberries she locates yields only a few berries which she quietly shares with Fili and Kili. Kili uses a couple of his remaining arrows to bring down some game as they push on through the day without stopping to eat lunch. They move as quickly as they can, mindful of injuries, but they end up spending a tense night near a stream as Gandalf had said that they would. Billana gives her bedroll to Thorin, though it is small the severity of his wounds means that while he is nearly healed thanks to Fili and Oin he still has difficulty curling up with the others for warmth. She is not concerned about her own need for it, firstly because she can curl up with Balin and secondly because all manner of small creatures have begun to join her as she sleeps now that they are in the lowlands. She is joined later by a vixen, her mate and their three cubs and she spends a warm night with her nose buried in soft baby fur.

By late afternoon the following day she knows that they are close to their destination because the feel of the wildlife around them changes. Though the animals are wary and watchful it lacks the urgency that she would normally feel, as though there is a reason to be confident that they will not be harmed.

"No!" She cries sharply to Kili when he takes aim at a doe. The deer bounds away, and her friend turns incredulous eyes on her. "Don't hurt anything here. The Bear-Man won't like it."

That is the name she has heard frequently from the animals who live in this place. The Bear-Man, they tell her, walks among them at night. He is their guardian; these lands are _his_ and he will tolerate no hunter upon them.

"Gandalf?" Thorin demands, his tone a warning. Like Billana he is obviously growing tired of the wizard's games.

"Beorn is a skin changer," Gandalf explains. "By day he is a Man and by night a great black bear. I was hopeful we would reach his cottage before nightfall," he continues with a glance at how low the sun is on the horizon, "but that is now doubtful, and these lands are not safe at night. We can reason with the Man; the bear is another matter entirely."

"We're moving as fast as we can," Dwalin grumbles, "if you had _said_ we would have stopped for the night already."

"Do we turn back?" Gloin asks and Thorin shakes his head.

"We keep moving," he declares, "unless the borders are close?"

"We've been inside them since noon, or a little later," Billana replies with a scowl in Gandalf's direction. "If I had been aware it would be _this_ important I would have mentioned it."

"I will not waste more time or put this Company at risk by retracing our steps," Thorin shakes his head. "Everyone pick up the pace, and let us hope that our destination is closer than the wizard thinks."

"Uncle," Fili objects and Thorin raises a hand to silence him.

The golden mage scowls, his face taking on an expression which is becoming increasingly familiar among the injured. The look that the dwarf king gives his nephew in return, however, is the one that _none_ of them will disobey. They increase their pace.

The sun has set by the time they find the meadow, a large open space filled with wildflowers and with a cottage and stables near the centre. They make for it gratefully and Billana cannot be the only one who feels like her legs and feet might not take her another step further. A bellow sounds from behind them and something tingles in the back of Billana's mind. It isn't quite an animal, but nor is it the strange and unnatural feeling she experienced around the stone giants or the trolls.

It isn't something that she gets time to ponder as Bofur glances behind them with wide eyes.

"Bear!" He yells and, to a dwarf, the Company break into a run.

Billana, being smaller than all of them, quickly falls behind and she longs to change but doesn't have the strength. Kili notices that she is flagging, slowing so that he can grab her hand and pull her along. She stumbles more than once, kept upright only by the grip that Kili has on her, and they are the last to reach the cottage where the dwarves are desperately trying to open the door. Billana turns at the sound of heavy footfalls, letting go of Kili's hand. There is a relieved shout behind her, but she only has eyes for the great black bear charging at them. She has never encountered a bear before and she cannot help but think that he is utterly magnificent as she reaches out with her mind to touch his.

"Billana," she hears Kili hiss as someone grabs her hand and tugs.

She pulls away, still watching the incredible creature in front of her. The bear slows to a trot, then a lumbering walk. Finally, it halts before her, regarding her with dark eyes.

- _Hello_ \- She reaches out gently, not sure if he will hear her and determined to try it anyway.

 _-You are different-_ the bear says. - _What is one such as you doing with the stone-folk?-_

 _-They're my friends-_ she replies. The bear snuffles at her hair. _-They rescued me. We're running from goblins and orcs, dark dwellers led by Azog. May we rest here for the night?_ -

- _I have little love for the stone-folk, and little use for them besides. But you intrigue me, little one. I have never seen nor smelt your like before. You may remain until I learn what you are.-_

"Thank you," she whispers, reaching out to touch his nose and marvelling at the feeling of the thick fur beneath her fingers. The bear chuckles inside her mind.

_-Tell your stone-friends to remain in the house. I will not guarantee their safety should they step outside before dawn.-_

_-I will-_ she promises, watching the bear turn and amble away before turning her attention back to her friends.

The rest of the Company hover in the doorway to the cottage, tense and wide eyed. Fili and Kili hover behind her and they both reach for her hands to pull her to them. Both are staring at her with an awed intensity, each with a hand still resting at their hips where she knows they both keep a knife and obviously ready to leap to her defence.

Then large, work roughened hands are cupping her cheeks, turning her face up, and she is being kissed as though her existence depends upon it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the end of this chapter three times. Someone refused to cooperate. So here it is.


	26. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That is quite enough of that," Billana hears Balin say

"That is _quite_ enough of _that_ ," Billana hears Balin say as Kili's lips leave hers. The young dwarf smiles down at her, only to yelp when her guardian's fingers clamp onto his ear.

"Idiot," Fili chuckles as Balin drags his brother away.

She blinks at him owlishly, her lips still tingling and her mind hazy from the passion in Kili's kiss. She has never experienced anything like it, even the kiss he gave her all those weeks ago after their little archery competition had nothing on the one she just received. Her cheeks heat as she realises that she would very much like to experience that again.

"Kitten," Fili whispers and she turns her attention to him.

He has another one of those looks on his face, the ones that she still hasn't learnt to decipher, then he reaches up and tangles his fingers into her curls. Their eyes meet, though it is almost impossible to really see him in the moonlight, and he leans down. His lips find hers, although there is nothing hurried or crushing about this kiss. It is soft, tender, and she feels confusion fill her when it ends.

"I don't-" she breathes, not really sure what she is going to say.

"It's alright, Kitten," he says softly, his face still so close that she can feel his lips move against hers. "As soon as we find a quiet moment we'll talk about it. I promise."

Perhaps, she thinks as he moves back, dwarves kiss for different reasons to hobbits. It's the only reason she can think of that _either_ of the princes would want to kiss _her_. Fili leads her back to the cottage, her hand still gripped tightly in his and that touch is all there is to stop her from feeling like she is about to float away. She had no _idea_ that kisses could feel like that. Being back among the Company, however, quickly brings her to her senses and she braces herself, waiting for the censure and cruel words that would be the result of such a display in the Shire. A chaste kiss is all well and good between betrothed or married couples, but nothing about either kiss, especially Kili's, could be called 'chaste'.

The only response that she gets are wide grins and a couple of winks. She sees the odd coin change hands as she looks around until her eyes fall on Balin who is furiously scolding Kili. The dark-haired dwarf doesn't look even remotely contrite, if anything he looks vaguely mutinous, and it makes her nerves scream. Kili shouldn't be in trouble for _her_ sake. She looks up at Fili, her companion's expression changes from content to wary in a moment. He adjusts their course, which had been in Gandalf's direction, and makes for Balin.

"You don't _have_ the right to ask that," they hear Kili snarl. "You aren't her father."

"Do _not_ take that tone with _me_ , lad," Balin replies. "I am her guardian and the closest thing she has. Mahal knows the wizard isn't planning to do a _thing_ about it. I won't see her hurt, and I _know_ you."

"Do you _really_ think we could hurt her?" Kili demands. "You-" he pauses when he notices that Billana is in hearing distance. His dark eyes go slightly wider and a faint blush stains his cheeks.

Balin turns when he sees Kili's reaction and he must see Billana's confussion, then he glances down and raises his eyebrows. Her hand is still in Fili's, she realises, and she snatches it away under her guardian's gaze. For a moment she fears that she might have lost his good opinion by allowing Kili to kiss her the way that she did. Then he sighs and mutters something, escorting her away from both of the princes. They promptly start talking in hushed whispers.

"I take it you spoke to our host?" Balin asks her.

"He said we can stay," she replies with a glance over her shoulder, "but that we shouldn't go outside before dawn."

"That's easy enough to manage," he shrugs, "I doubt any of us really have the energy." He follows her gaze. "Don't worry about them, lass, they'll get things cleared with you soon enough if they know what's good for them."

That sounds vaguely ominous, she thinks, and Balin obviously knows something that she doesn't. She shakes her head, passing her confusion off as exhaustion. Balin doesn't seem entirely convinced, but he leads her to a large door that joins the cottage with the stables. There is a hayloft that is only partially full since it is summer, and she curls up in a corner, falling rapidly into an exhausted sleep. Her dreams are heated in a way that she doesn't truly comprehend, and she wakes feeling somehow less rested. The sun is just beginning to fill the loft through an open window, and she stretches, enjoying the warmth of it. The space around her has filled during the remainder of the night and she creeps softly past the others as they snore. Hunger gnaws at her and she wanders into the cottage to find something to eat only to pause when she is greeted by the largest man, she has ever laid eyes upon.

"You're the Bear-Man," she says without thinking, then claps her hands over her mouth.

He laughs, a warm and booming sounds that vibrates through her. Then he approaches, going down on one knee in front of her so that he can examine her as he must know that she is doing the same to him. His hair and beard are thick and black, the same colour as the bear whose form he takes. His dark eyes, however, are haunted in a way that makes her wonder how he can laugh at all.

"You are the one I met last night," he replies. "So small and delicate a thing, for one who contains such great power." He looks at Gandalf. "Too delicate to be in the care of dwarves."

"Billana has been quite the asset to those dwarves," Gandalf puffs on his pipe absently. "And they have been very good for her. I doubt the young hobbit who departed the Shire would have faced a charging bear."

"Is that so?" The skin changer asks in amusement. "And are you still a timid bunny, little one?"

"I was never a timid bunny," she replies. "It just seems that getting involved with dwarves causes one to take leave of much of their good sense." He laughs again, louder still than before, and she can see the delight on his face clearly.

"So, if you are no rabbit, little one, what are you?" He asks. "For I cannot be Bear-Man to you and not know what manner of creature I am dealing with."

"I'm just a hobbit," she shrugs. "Billana Took, of the Shire."

"And are all hobbits like you?" He tilts his head.

"No," she mumbles. "None of the other hobbits are like me. It's why I had to leave. It's what the dwarves rescued me from."

He stands and stretches, scratching at one shoulder as he turns to the table. It is already laden with food, thick hot porridge and steaming honey cakes. Massive jugs that are almost half as big as she is and that she would never be able to lift. She looks at the benches with apprehensive eyes, certain that there is no dignified way she will be able to clamber upon them so that she might eat her fill and just as positive that she will have to kneel her way through her meal anyway. Beorn solves the problem by scooping her up and placing her upon an upturned bucket at the end of the bench nearest to Gandalf. Even the wizard looks small next to the skin changer's table.

"Eat," Beorn instructs, "whatever else they may have saved you from, it is clear that the dwarves have no idea of how to _feed_ you." He serves her a very large bowl of porridge and pours her a measure of fresh milk from one of the jugs. Billana falls upon the food, feeling like she hasn't eaten for a year. "While you eat, you can listen to your wizard tell of how you came to be in my lands; and correct him should he make a mistake."

"I'm sure he'll tell you the truth, he may exaggerate a little, but isn't that the way of storytellers?" She smiles.

Gandalf glares at her but launches into their tale. He omits, she notices, the fact that Kili can also change his shape using his gift, or that he, Fili and Thorin arrived in her home far earlier than the others. The state of her smial is made to sound somewhat more dismal that it actually was, his thoughts on the hobbits, however, are fairly accurate even though she suspects he thinks he has exaggerated. Their trip is condensed, the trolls and elves barely get a mention but the orcs that pursued them to Rivendell are dwelt on rather more. As are the goblins when Gandalf reaches that part of the tale and it is the first time she has heard about what happened to the dwarves while she was lost under the mountain.

"Where were you, little one?" Beorn asks her when Gandalf mentions their reunion outside the goblin tunnels.

"Deep in the mountain," she replies. "I managed to turn into a bat midfall, and then when I reached the bottom, I salvaged what I could of my belongings and made my way out as a badger. It wasn't anything like as exciting as the dwarves' experience though."

"An experience I, for one, would rather not repeat," Fili mumbles as he climbs up next to her. "Kitten," he smiles, and she grins back at him, though from the way his face falls it is not quite as bright as he would like.

Gandalf huffs at him, then continues his story as Fili also begins to eat. The golden mage cuts in a couple of times with corrections, reminding Gandalf that he had carried Billana in her cat form and that he had, actually, tried to convince her to fly somewhere safe. That, at least, seems to gain Beorn's approval, as does Gandalf's telling of her taking wolf form to protect Thorin. No mention is made, however, of the emotional conversation which followed, only that many of the Company were injured before Gwahir and his eagles could rescue them, and that they would appreciate a few days to recover and the supplies that they might need to make it to their destination.

The silence that follows the request is tense.

"Were it just you and the dwarves, wizard, you would have been ordered to leave my territory by sundown," Beorn replies. Many of the others have woken and joined them in this time, though Billana had taken her fill some time ago she had remained purely to see the outcome. "I have heard and experienced little of the good of dwarves. Had I not witnessed their care for your hobbit myself I would not believe a word of it." He turns dark eyes on Fili and Kili and she instantly knows what he has seen. She flushes. "But I have seen it, and so you may rest here while I investigate the rest of your claims. Should they prove true I will give you the time to recover that you need as well as the supplies."

"And should you deem it false?" Thorin asks and Billana silently screams at him for asking the question.

"Then it is lucky you have treated Mistress Took so well," Beorn replies. "For if I find the wizard has lied to me, I will merely turn you from my lands instead of killing you." Billana shudders. "There is a washroom behind the house, if you leave your clothing it will be cleaned for you. It will take me at least two nights to find the truth of things, do not leave this building after nightfall, as I told Billana, I will make no promises for your safety should you do so."

It is a dismissal, or as close to one as they are likely to get, and he strides from the room. They all exchange glances and, while the dwarves are debating about whether they should take the risk that the goblins have already given up and returned to their city under the mountain without a trace, Billana slips from the table and makes her way to the washroom.

There is, bizarrely, a large dog in the room filling the tub when she gets there. She greets the animal with her mind rather than out loud. He welcomes her with a wag of his tail, informing her that it is a relief to find one who can speak to them properly among so many outsiders. She laughs and eases herself into the hot water, taking her time and knowing that Beorn's animals will keep the others away until she is ready.

It is only when she climbs out of the bath to find that her clothes have been taken to be cleaned that it occurs to her that there might have been a flaw in her plan. Until her things are dried she will be without anything to cover her other than the overlarge blankets that the dogs have left for her. She takes a breath and wraps one around her shoulders, tying it in place with a length of cord that has been left beside it. She feels ridiculous, and the amused smirk Bofur sends her tells her that she looks it as well, but she isn't going to wander around with no clothes on among them. Her sense of hobbit modesty has been tested quite enough over the last few days as it is and she gives Bofur a withering look when he suggests exactly that.

Kili finds her some time later as she sits on a large bench and runs lightly oiled fingers through her curls. It is nice to be able to take proper care of them for a change, too often she just lets them dry and ties them back. He has, she's relieved to see, wrapped a blanket around himself that he is holding closed with one hand.

"I need to stretch my wings," he says with a wide smile, though there is a nervousness to it that dims the brightness she would normally expect to see. "Do you want to join me?"

She considers him. Her wellspring of magic has replenished more rapidly than she had expected it to, and she has no reason _not_ to join him aside from her own confusion over his actions the night before. Kili _and_ Fili's, she reminds herself. Avoiding them, however, will not get her any answers and nor does she really want to. Besides, it has been too long since she just flew for the pleasure of it. It also, she thinks ruefully, means that there is less chance of running into the others while they wait for their clothing to dry.

"Have you told the others?" She asks, aware of the importance of making certain someone knows where they are even in a place that is apparently safe.

"Fili and Thorin," he replies. "Fili said he would bring our things to the stream we crossed at the treeline last night," he adds. "There's something we need to talk about." She takes a shaky breath and he steps closer, shifting like he is going to reach for her until he remembers the blanket he is holding. "It's nothing to be concerned about," he assures her and while it doesn't completely put a stop to her worries, it eases them.

She unties the knot in the cord that holds her blanket in place.

"Catch me if you can," she challenges and shifts as she stands.

She hears him laugh as she leaps into the air, hear the beat of his wings as he follows, and two ravens fly from the cottage under the watchful eyes of a blond dwarf and an old wizard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try again and put it in the right place this time. 
> 
> And you all thought it would be Fili! It could have been Fili, but I couldn't see him being dragged off by Balin. Most of the first 1000 words of this chapter is me trying to get back on track after the end of the last chapter. The rest came remarkably easily after that. I've gone with the book appearance for Beorn rather than the movie look, I prefer it in all honesty, and have mixed the loud and boisterous Beorn from the books with the darker movie version. 
> 
> Happy New Year!


	27. Soaring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flying, for Billana, has always been about freedom.

Flying, for Billana, has always been about freedom. There have been times in the Shire, when the attitude of her fellow hobbits has been too much to bear, when she has turned into a falcon, owl or raven and allowed herself to forget, for a brief time, all the troubles that have come with her life, the nature of her parentage and her strange magic. High above the Shire she can forget it all, but she has never flown with another before. Kili catches her up quickly and rather than feeling the loss of freedom she discovers the joy of company during such a time. They circle and whirl around one another, though ravens are not really built for such movements, wingtips occasionally brushing, and delight fills her as they chase one another back and forth for hours until she finally spots Fili sat beside the stream where he said he would meet them.

She lands on his knee and he grins at her, scratching at the feathers on the back of her head.

"Well, look at you, Kitten," he says. "Can you change back?" He asks, then, gesturing to the blanket and her cleaned clothes.

She hops down, waiting for him to drape the blanket around her before shifting back to herself once more. She pulls her clothes on quickly, absently listening to Fili as he tells his brother to get dressed. There is little of the teasing banter that she would usually hear between them, so whatever they want to talk to her about must be very serious. She settles on the stream bank once she is dressed, curling up on the blanket and watching Kili pull his belt tight. In contrast to his behaviour _before_ asking her to fly with him, he is now avoiding her eyes and he _looks_ as nervous as she feels. As does Fili.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" She asks eventually, bracing herself to hear them tell her that they shouldn't have kissed her, that she shouldn't have allowed it, that perhaps they can't be friends after all. They couldn't have any other reason to be so reluctant to begin.

"We need to ask you something, Billana," Fili says, the use of her name telling her that this is likely to be at least as serious as she had suspected. "You don't need to feel any obligation, you're well within your rights to refuse us, it won't change anything."

"Alright," she mutters slowly, confused.

Kili kneels in front of her and gives her a gentle smile. Obviously, he can see how apprehensive she is and though it is still not as bright as his smiles usually are it settles her a little bit.

"Relax, Kundith," he whispers, "It isn't anything bad. At least, we hope you won't think so." Fili glares at him. "We wanted to ask permission to court you."

"'We'?" She asks, baffled.

"Kili and I, both," Fili confirms. "We had planned on waiting a bit longer, but after last night-" he shrugs and gives her a lopsided smile as he sits next to her.

"No," she whispers, her heart feeling like it might shatter. "I can't-" her voice cracks and she looks at her hands to avoid seeing their hurt expressions. "You can't ask me to do that," she continues. "You can't both want me and even if you _did_ you can't ask me to choose between you. You can't ask me to decide whose heart I'm going to break!"

"That isn't what we're asking," Fili says softly and she sees Kili shift out of the corner of her eye. "Look at me, Kitten," he touches her chin and she looks over at him. She can see how deeply her words have hurt him and guilt claws at her. "We _both_ want to court you, we both-" he pauses. "You won't _have_ to choose. When you're ready, when you know what you want, we will accept it, whether is it one of us, or neither of us," he locks his eyes with hers, "or _both_ of us."

"Both?" She questions, because surely they cannot mean what she thinks they do. Surely they cannot both feel that kind of emotion for her, not when she has been told for so long that no one would ever look at her as more than a temporary bed warmer if they ever bothered to look at all.

"Both," Kili confirms and she turns to stare at him

"How is that even _possible_?" She exclaims and he grins.

"We can show you," he promises, and Fili mutters his name in warning. "We'd _like_ to show you, Kundith, when you're ready, and there's plenty of time," he assures her. "No one would expect you to accept a marriage proposal before you're of age, anyway."

"Marriage?" She squeaks.

"Isn't that the usual result of a courtship, Kitten?" Fili reminds her. "If you still don't want to-" he offers after she has been silent for a time. "We know it's a lot."

Billana looks between them, takes in the way that Kili's face is soft and open and _hopeful_ in contrast to Fili's more closed expression. It is the golden mage's _eyes_ that she is learning to watch. Kili communicates with his whole face, he always does, but Fili seems to shut down when he is particularly vulnerable. Much like now. They _want_ her to agree, _she_ wants to agree, but she needs to know that she is doing it for the right reason and not simply because they are the only ones to ever ask her. She wants to be sure that she isn't doing it purely because this may be her only chance at love and a future, certain that she isn't accepting this offer out of any sense of gratitude or obligation.

She does the only thing that she can think of which might give her some sort of insight, she moves so that she can brush her lips against Fili's. He makes a soft noise of surprise, but quickly moves so that the angle isn't quite so awkward and allows her to set the kiss at a pace that is comfortable to _her_. She's tentative, keenly feeling her inexperience, but there is no mistaking the warmth that fills her as he guides her through it. For a moment she considers what it might be like to kiss the twins, or even one of the other dwarves, and her mind shudders away from the thought almost violently.

"Is that a 'yes', Kitten?" Fili asks when they part.

"I just-" she clears her throat. "I just need to check one more thing," she replies and looks at Kili.

His eyes are dark and his expression almost hungry when he looks at her. Still, he waits for her to come to him, waits while she traces the unexpectedly soft scruff that covers his jaw with a curious finger. She is more certain this time, more confident as she kisses him and his arm slips around her waist so that he can pull her closer. Even then, he _still_ allows her to set the pace in much the same way that his brother had, though she can almost feel the restraint he is keeping himself under.

"Please, Kundith," Kili breathes when she pulls away, his head against hers and his eyes closed as though he is afraid to look at her.

It is that which decides her more than the feelings that the kisses had caused because she still doesn't fully understand what they mean, and she doubts she will for a while yet. She so rarely sees him as anything other than confident, so rarely sees either of them vulnerable even though they have both seen her and helped her through some of her most painful moments during this quest. Had it been a hobbit approaching her there would have been none of this, she would not have been allowed to consider her own feelings like this, she would not have been given the opportunity to walk away. She _knows_ it, because not long before Kili arrived in her smial her grandfather had made it perfectly clear that he would arrange something. It had been as good a reason as any for her to run away with a bunch of dwarves, but it is not the reason that she gives her answer.

"Yes," she replies, still filled with the warmth that had blossomed while she had kissed both of them and no longer able to imagine ever kissing anyone else.

Kili's eyes flash open and his face splits in a wide smile. Then his lips are on hers again and this is nothing like her previous experiences.

"You have no _idea_ how pleased we are to hear that, Kitten," Fili rumbles in her ear as he brushes her hair aside. She doesn't have the time or ability to wonder what he is doing because then his lips brush against her neck and she makes a soft noise. "Or perhaps you _do_ ," he mutters, his hands hot on her hips and she moves one of her own to tangle in his hair. He makes a sound of his own and that seems to bring him up short.

She feels him reach around her to poke his brother and Kili yelps, moving back and shooting Fili a venomous glare over her head. His expression softens, however, at something he sees on his brother's face and when he looks back down at her Billana wonders what he sees as he gives her a lazy grin. She wonders, in fact, what they _both_ see, whether she has become little more than a wanton creature who is no longer worth courting with how easily they have managed to overwhelm her. How far would she have let it go, she wonders. Her mother was a healer and a midwife, she knows what happens between married couples. She knows how _she_ came about.

Whether they see her worry or not she has no idea, but they draw back a little and that seems reluctant.

"There _is_ something else that we need to give you," Fili says. "Strictly speaking it isn't a courting gift-"

"It could be," Kili cuts in, "the spell work is all ours." Fili gives him an exasperated look, then hands her one of the little daggers that he had been given by Elladan and Elrohir. "Try not to use it for its original purpose if you don't have to," Kili advises. "The spell's a little sensitive."

"Your fault," Fili mutters.

"Forgive me for not having as much time to _show off_ as you do," is the grumbled reply. "All you need to do is stab it into something, like the ground or a tree, and it'll encase you in a magical shield."

"It won't be impossible to break," Fili warns. "The opal was too small for anything too difficult, but it _will_ take a lot of effort and if it _does_ happen there's a good chance that whoever breaks it will be killed by the backlash." His tone suggests that the one to break the shield had better _hope_ they get killed by the backlash and she turns the dagger over in her hands. "It would keep you safe until we can get to you, Kitten."

She stares at them, not able to find the words to tell them how much this gift means to her. Then she throws herself into their arms, mindful of the knife she holds, and hears Kili laugh as his arm slips around her. No one has ever thought this seriously about her safety before, she isn't even entirely certain that her own mother did, and she feel tears threaten at the thought of it. She knows that they must have begun working on this before they reached the Misty Mountains, in fact she suspects that they had the idea the night that they opened the packages from the twins.

"Why?" She asks when she has managed to get some control of her emotions.

"You're important to us," Fili replies. "Why wouldn't we?"

She can't answer that, so instead she moves so that she can hide her face in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess I had better change the pairings tag, huh?


	28. Interludes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Balin isn't going to be happy that we don't have courting beads with us, is he?"

"Balin isn't going to be happy that we don't have courting beads with us, is he?" Kili asks after a while.

Billana has calmed enough that they have been able to sprawl over the blanket together, enjoying the sun and the light caress of a summer breeze while eating the light picnic Fili had thought to bring. He has been idly fiddling with a lock of her hair for a while. Both of them, she has noticed, seems to have already taken to playing with her curls and she wonders if that is a part of dwarf courtship. She'll have to ask at some point, but for now her attention is more caught by Kili mentioning beads.

"He'll understand," Fili replies, "it isn't like we came on the quest with the intention of finding someone to court."

"What are you talking about?" She asks, suspecting that they won't explain unless she points out that she is completely out of the loop.

"Courtship braids," Kili replies. "Don't hobbits do something to show they're courting?"

"Not really," she shrugs, "the Shire gossips usually spread the word pretty quickly. And we don't really do courtships _gifts_ either now I think about it. Just the betrothal gift and the dowry that the bride brings with her."

"Sounds similar to the way Balin said the Men do it," Fili observes.

"Is that a bad thing?" She asks, biting her lip and worrying.

"No, Kitten, it isn't," he assures her, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. "But we'll need to talk to Balin about it all. He can explain it better than we can, and it's his place as guardian."

"What if I don't want him to know?" Billana asks, because she isn't sure that she does.

"Why wouldn't you?" Kili asks and she looks away. "This isn't the sort of thing that should be kept a secret, Kundith. He won't look at you any differently, I think he'll be relieved actually." She stares. "Why do you think he was tearing a strip off me last night?" She hadn't thought about it like that and he laughs when she admits it. "Come on," he gets to his feet and helps her up. "Much as I would rather put this conversation off the sooner it's done the better."

"Especially as we've been gone most of the day," Fili agrees. "I'm surprised no one's come looking for us," he mutters, gathering the blanket and remains of their meal.

Five minutes later they come across Dwalin, Nori and an irate Balin.

"Did it occur to any of you to inform someone of your plans?" Balin demands as soon as he is close enough. "I've been looking for the three of you for most of the afternoon." Billana turns accusing eyes on Kili.

"We told Thorin," Fili replies before his brother can.

"Lot of good _that_ would have done," Dwalin rolls his eyes. "He's been plotting with the wizard all morning and left orders not to be disturbed."

Behind him, Nori smirks.

"I think that might have been the point," the thief says, his sharp eyes running over Billana. She still doesn't quite know what to make of Nori, even after months on the road together he makes her nervous with the way he seems to see everything and the spark of _something_ behind his moss green eyes.

"Much as it pains me to agree with you," Dwalin grumbles.

"You wound me," Nori grins, his expression not even close to mockingly offended. "So, who asked her first?" He leers.

" _Nori_ ," Balin warns and he steps back. " _Is_ there something you would like to tell me?"

The three of them exchange a look and Billana begins to worry at her lower lip. One of them will have to tell Balin, and all the rest really, but Billana cannot seem to summon the courage to be the one to do it. Back home she knows that the reaction to her choosing to court just _one_ of her friends would cause a scandal. That she has agreed to court _both_ of them is inconceivable. Yet the more she has thought on it during the hours they spent together by the stream the more she begins to think that it could never have happened any other way. There will be time to think on how it came about later, for now she has to think of the words to use so that she can convince Balin that this is something she wants and not something that they have pressured her in to. After all, to start with she had been completely prepared to say 'no'. Fili slips his hand into hers, squeezing gently, and Balin follows the movement with sharp eyes and a raised eyebrow. Kili is the one who steps forward, though, and she wonders if they had planned this as much as they had planned to get her alone in the first place.

"We've asked Billana for a courtship," he says, "and she's agreed."

" _Both_ of you?" Nori presses before Balin can. Her guardian gives him an irritated glare.

"Both of us," Fili replies.

At least, she thinks, she isn't the only one who needed that clarification. Nori's face lights up with glee, an expression she has noticed all too often when he is about to win one of the many wagers he has with other members of the Company. Balin's face, on the other hand, turns stern and he looks at her as though he is trying to peer into her mind.

"You've accepted them _both,_ lass?" He asks her. "You understand that you would be receiving attentions from both of them?"

"As if she hasn't been already," Nori snorts and Dwalin elbows him.

"Of course I do," she replies with more confidence than she feels.

"And you realise that until you're of age there will be a number of ground rules?" He adds.

"We thought as much," she nods, because they had discussed it briefly and it was one of the reasons that they had put off returning to the cottage in the first place, especially considering that Fili had brought a good supply of fresh scones, honey and cream with him.

"You say that you've accepted," Balin steps close enough to examine her, "yet I see no braids or gifts." Fili shuffles slightly.

"We didn't exactly _plan_ this, Balin," Kili says defensively and this time it is Billana who slips her hand into his.

"Hobbits don't do things like that," she tells Balin before he can reply, "we share a meal or a picnic usually. Which is what we did and why we were so long." Balin makes a considering noise.

"Alright, lass," he replies, "you run along back to the house and tell Ori I'd like him to go through the ceremony for marking you a dwarf friend with you. I need to talk to these two."

She glances at her companions who nod, Fili even goes as far as to push her unruly hair back behind one pointed ear. Balin glares at him, but doesn't say anything even as Kili pushes his luck by brushing a barely there kiss over her lips. Balin clears his throat and Nori makes a gagging noise. Billana, on the other hand, flushes and after touching a gentle hand to Fili's cheek she reluctantly begins the walk to the house. Most of the Company are sprawled outside when she gets there, lying among the massive flowers and as relaxed as they can be while still uncertain of their safety in this place. Dori looks up from his mending as she approaches and smiles.

"Balin was looking for you," he says as she halts near him, if anyone will know where to find Ori it is his overprotective oldest brother.

"He found me," she shrugs, "he wanted a quick chat with Fili and Kili so he sent me on ahead to talk to Ori."

"Finally came to the point, did they?" Dori asks. She stares at him. "We aren't always the most observant," he tells her, "but even _Gloin_ could see the direction of that seam. Nori is going to be truly insufferable mind, most of us thought it would take them until Lake Town to ask you."

"I had no idea," she mumbles, certain that her face is about to catch fire.

"I'm sure you didn't," Dori agrees. "Ori is inside, somehow he managed to keep hold of the record he's been keeping of our journey and he's updating it."

Billana thanks Dori and hurries inside before any of the others can catch her. She quickly spots Ori sat at the over large table, his legs swinging, and he hums while he works. The tune is unfamiliar, as most of the songs she occasionally hears the dwarves hum and sing are, and she listens to him as she waits for him to lift his pen from the page of his book. She has little desire to startle him in the way that the others do. He has a steady hand but that cannot always make up for the occasional flinch he gives when taken by surprise. It isn't long before he lifts his pen and sits back a little, blowing on the wet ink softly as he waits for it to dry so that he can turn the page. Billana clears her throat softly, then calls his name. Ori turns wide eyes on her and then grins. She isn't as close to him as she is Fiil and Kili, she just hasn't spent as much time with him as she has the princes, but he is her friend all the same so he seems to realise that something is troubling her almost as soon as he has helped her to clamber up onto the bench beside him.

"What's the matter?" He asks. "Or would you prefer to talk to Fili or Kili? I can keep my nose out of it if you want. I can be too curious sometimes."

"Ori," she laughs, though the sound isn't quite right to even _her_ ears. Her friend is curious and that isn't something to fault him for. "I just left them with Balin."

"You don't sound happy about that," Ori replies, returning his attention to the wet ink on his book. "What happened?"

"You can't guess?" She grumbles. "Everyone else seems to have known it was going to happen before I did."

"Ah," he says, setting aside his record. "So, they asked you. I wondered why Fili was so eager to get away from Thorin earlier."

"Why do people keep saying it like that?" She exclaims. "Both of your brothers have said almost the same thing!"

"You don't have a brother like Nori and _not_ learn to watch your back," Ori tells her, "or every other side of you and all the people around you. It's why Balin thought I would be a good choice for recording this quest. And after last night-" He shrugs. "It was obvious back in the Shire that there was _something_ between the three of you. I've never seen them so protective of anyone, except their mother on occasion."

"I thought they were just being kind," she mumbles. "They knew I was nervous about having so many strangers in my home and I thought they were just trying to help."

"It probably started that way," Ori admits, "but, in my experience, those two have never been especially quick on the uptake about their own feelings. I'm surprised they got there this fast, but then nothing has actually gone the way any of us expected it to." He winces when they hear Thorin's raised voice from the stables. "You don't seem happy that they asked."

"I am," she replies quickly. "I never thought anyone would want to court me," she admits, "especially them. I'm not saying I didn't think about it, because I _did_ , but I never thought it would happen so I just pushed it all away and told myself not to think about it. They're sweet and handsome and funny and they make me feel so _safe_. You _all_ do, but not like they do." Ori snorts gently. "What if Balin tells them that they can't?" She asks suddenly.

"He can't," Ori tells her.

"But I'm not of age," she reminds him.

"It doesn't make a difference," he shakes his head. "In the first place it would be a losing battle, you'll be of age in a little over a month anyway which would leave them free to ask again and you to accept. In the second, he isn't your parent. It's his job as guardian to watch over you and keep you safe but he can't stop you from courting anyone unless he thinks they mean to harm you. In the third, you've already accepted. You've made your choice and no dwarf who knows what's good for him will try to take a 'dam's choice from her. He'll put some restrictions in place, but he won't be able to stop it. If he _did_ all you would have to do is petition Thorin for a new guardian. It's blindingly obvious that neither of them are going to hurt you, and most of the restrictions Balin will put in place won't impact over much once we've left here anyway. The road isn't the best place for a courtship really." She lets out a little huff, shaking her head, if she had been in the Shire her grandfather would have put a stop to it all regardless of what she wanted.

"I must sound pretty silly," she says, "fretting over it all like that."

"Not really," Ori disagrees, "you aren't a dwarf, it stands to reason that some things would be different for your kind. You know you only have to ask, though, don't you?"

"I do," she smiles. "Which brings me back to why I'm here. Balin wanted me to ask you about the ceremony Thorin mentioned, the one to mark me a dwarf-friend."

"It will be fascinating to actually see it done," Ori beams, "I've read about them but never actually seen one. I'm not even entirely certain when it was last done." He pulls a page out from the back of his book, jotting a few lines onto the paper. "We don't do it much you see, it's really rare that anyone will do anything to earn it and it requires a vast amount of trust on the part of every dwarf involved in making the decision. Once it's happened you'll be permitted to learn almost anything about our people that you want, even our language." That surprises her, the one time that she had asked Balin about it he had told her that it was a sacred secret.

"What happens during it?" She asks. "What sort of thing would I need to know?"

"There's a couple of Khuzdul phrases that we would need to teach you," he says, still making a few notes, "and you'll need to pick someone to either braid your hair with the seven beads or do the inking. It can't be Thorin because he'll be presiding, and it probably shouldn't be Fili or Kili what with the courtship and everything, Dori would be a good choice for braiding and he can teach you how to do it afterwards."

"Inking?" She asks, caught by that part of his explanation.

"Yes," he turns her arm over so that he can touch the soft inside of her forearm. "It usually goes here so that it can be found quickly and easily, but I'm the only one here with any experience of doing them." He sketches a quick design on the paper, a formation of seven stars that looks vaguely familiar around a rune. "It would be placed into your skin using ink and needles, you've seen how many Dwalin has on display."

"Do they hurt?" She asks.

"When they're being done," he nods, "but after they've healed you don't know they're there unless you look at them. Dori would be honoured to do the braid."

"I know he would," she says, thinking about the practicality of it, "but when I shift nothing comes with me except this," she touches the charm Fili gave her. "I think that would include the beads, they'd be lost if I had to change in an emergency." Her fingers trace the design, smearing the still wet ink slightly. "This might be best."

"It _will_ hurt," Ori tells her. "And it would have to wait until we reached Erebor and could find the right inks and supplies."

"But it can be done?" He nods. "And there isn't any other way?"

"There's a spell," Ori mumbles. "But I doubt any of the mages know it, it's complicated and really high level."

Kili probably knows, she thinks, she'll have to ask as soon as he can escape from Balin.

"Teach me what I need to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a little longer than I wanted to get out. Everyone seemed to want to have a say


	29. Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ceremony to make Billana truly Khazad bâhâl is to take place before sunset

When Beorn hasn't returned by the following morning Thorin declares that the ceremony to make Billana a true dwarf-friend should take place that evening before sunset, just in case Beorn doesn't find the truth of their tale as they know that he must. She applies herself to learning the simple Khuzdul phrases that she will need to complete the ritual and the fact that she already speaks two languages helps greatly with that.

"Will you help me learn more?" She asks Ori when they are taking a break and enjoying a large mug of tea each. Dori had managed to find chamomile somewhere and although Billana has never much cared for it, it has been sweetened with Beorn's honey and makes a nice change from water, milk or ale. "It would be nice to have _some_ grasp of it before we reach the mountain."

"If you like," Ori agrees, his face lighting up.

Idly, Billana wonders if being a scribe is Ori's true calling. He seems to enjoy the prospect of teaching others so much more it seems. He is patient as well, understanding of the way that she fumbles her way through some of the pronunciation of the words she will need to remember. Her voice and tongue are poorly suited to the dwarf language, lacking the rumble that they all seem to have when uttering it.

Around them, the others are bustling about in preparation and the pair watch silently for a time as Billana loses herself in thought. Balin had sought her out not long after Ori had finished explaining the ceremony to her and had drawn her aside to reassure himself that her unusual courtship _was_ what she wanted. He had not seemed at all surprised that both of the princes had made the offer, in fact that had been the part that had been the least surprising to him, he had been surprised that she had accepted. It would appear that Balin knows more about hobbits and their ways than the rest of the Company, though whether that is because he has first-hand experience with the few who live in Bree, the fact that he must have worked on some kind of trade agreement with the Thain or that he has asked Gandalf she has no idea. She only knows that he had been surprised that she had so willingly broken with the hobbit convention of potentially taking _one_ spouse in favour of possibly taking _two_. His natural concern had been that they had somehow coerced her into agreeing. She had been quick to assure him of the opposite, much to his relief, but it had resulted in him explaining to her the restrictions that would be placed upon them all.

They are few, much as Ori had told her that they would be, and reasonable under the circumstances. While she will be permitted brief periods alone with Fili and Kili it will be with one or the other, never both at the same time. Where the princes have taken much of the primary care for her physical well-being and training upon themselves those tasks will now fall upon others, with Dwalin stepping in to cover her training and Balin remaining responsible for ensuring that, should it come to it, her safety is at the fore of his concerns, as it will be with her need for warmth or comfort should it come up. She will not be alone with Fili and Kili at the same time for any reason unless it cannot be prevented.

This, she discovers, is not because he fears what may happen, that she will allow herself to fall to their charms and thus end up as less than 'pure' for one or both of them should this courtship come to the most favourable conclusion. In truth, dwarves encourage such activities in their youths, if wordlessly, by ensuring that every dwarrowdam is given a contraceptive charm. Their concerns over whether she has ever lain with a male are only that it has been done _willingly._ For Billana it is a slightly baffling mindset, since, willingly or not, to lie with a male would leave her even more open to the scorn and derision of her fellow hobbits. She only needs to remember the way that her mother, the few other children like her, and even herself have been treated by the other hobbits to be aware of that.

Balin hasn't declared that they be watched purely due to hobbit sensibilities or out of fear that she will forget herself and allow the experience of being desired by them overwhelm her good sense. She keeps very quiet about how close she came to just that, although he has to suspect some of it. Balin wants them supervised because it is the done thing when a dwarf of age approaches one who is not, no matter how close the younger is to that day. It is the done thing when a dwarf of influence and power approaches one who has little or none and it is the done thing when a courtship is announced but no beads have been exchanged and no courtship gifts given.

In short, it is being done to protect all parties within the courtship and will likely continue until the three of them come to a decision.

In truth, she isn't entirely certain that she _wants_ the braid and beads that come with the courtship. They would be an all too tangible reminder of the reality of what is, at the moment, an exquisite dream. She still hardly believes that _one_ of them would ask her, let alone _both_ and to have such proof that it is a reality would place upon her the pressure of knowing that at some point she will need to decide if she can live with spending the rest of her life with _both_ of them, or whether she is going to break three hearts and choose neither. She knows, deep down, that she will never select one over the other no matter what her heart desires. She would never wish to come between them in that way and better that she chooses neither than she damages the closest sibling relationship she has ever had cause to see. There is also, of course, the very real possibility that if she is given the bead she will _lose_ it before the end of this quest. _That_ , more than anything, would break her heart. Only her crystal charm comes with her when she takes on animal form, and even that continues to surprise her, and she would hate to lose something so precious due to some peril that they might find themselves in. It would hurt more than losing the beads that signify how deep her friendship with the dwarves go, the ones that will signify how utterly accepted she has been by people not her own.

She touches her arm where the inking which will proclaim her to be ' _Khazad bâhâl'_ would go should it be done. Ori had used a piece of charcoal to show her what it would look like and the more that she sees it, the more she likes the look of it against her smooth skin. It is a thing _far_ removed from anything that a hobbit might permit to be done to their body, even the unavoidable scars that come with living are a matter of disgust to her people. Dwarves, she has noticed, readily and happily display their scars, inkings and even piercings.

"Inkings are earned," Ori tells her when she asks. "It's one of the reasons that scribes need to learn how to create them. I had everything I needed until the goblin tunnels." He shakes his head as she tilts hers inquisitively. "On a quest such as this there is ample opportunity to earn any number of new markings," he explains. "So when a scribe is sought to take part in a journey of any kind it is always one who is known to be gifted at making the marks. As you've probably seen Dwalin, Thorin and the other older dwarves have a vast number of them while Fili and Kili have very few, although still more than we would usually see on dwarves their age." He frowns, as though considering the marks that both of the princes carry and that she had never put much though into until now. "Inkings are given following any battle or skirmish of significance, the gaining of rank or a position of value, mastery of our chosen weapons or craft, even the birth of children where our 'dams are concerned. We use our hair to tell other dwarves what they need to know at a _glance_ , the inkings tell our important stories."

"And the piercings?" She asks.

"Those are purely decoration," Ori shrugs, "and not something I have any familiarity with doing."

She lets the subject lie there and turns her mind back to the ceremony that they are preparing for. Billana has, briefly, managed to speak to Kili about the inking she wants done. He had seemed troubled when she mentioned it, until she pointed out the practicality of the thing. It is something that he will need Thorin's permission for and she can see him talking to his uncle as she parrots the phrases that Ori is teaching her back at him. She can see Thorin shaking his head and Kili becoming more frustrated. Ori follows her gaze and rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

"You asked him about it, didn't you?" He mutters and she stares at her friend blankly. "You asked Kili to use his gift to make the inking."

"How did you know?" She whispers back.

"Thorin thinks it's a big secret, and most of the others probably haven't noticed, but Kili has used his gift a few times in Ered Luin when he didn't realise I was there," Ori replies. "The question is how _you_ knew?"

"How do you think we met?" She asks in response and he nods. "Do you think Thorin will refuse to allow it?"

"He shouldn't," Ori tells her, "the choice of how you wear your mark is down to _you_ as the one who will need to bear it. The braid is more common through history, but the design of the inking wouldn't exist if it never happened."

They watch for a few more minutes, noting when Thorin looks their way speculatively and Billana squashes the urge to shift nervously. She will have to become accustomed to having attention on her if she is to have any future with Fili and Kili. Finally, the dark mage walks over to them, his face a blank mask which is a clear sing of his irritation with his uncle. Kili only clamps down on his emotions like this when it involves Thorin.

"Can we have a minute, Ori?" He asks. Ori nods and tells them that he won't be far, though they both know that he will be out of earshot. "Thorin won't let me make the mark _during_ the ceremony," Kili tells her and Billana opens her mouth to object. He holds up a hand. "He's agreed to find a quite place for us to do it straight afterwards as long as Balin agrees."

"That's hardly fair," she argues. "It's _my_ decision!"

"I'm no happier about it," Kili says. "I know as well as anyone else the risk of losing precious belongings when an unexpected shape change is called for." She recalls the way he seems to hardly wear any braids or jewellery, though the others wear plenty, and how his clothes seem to have a more worn feeling to them. She hadn't thought on it before, but now she realises that the things he has brought with him have been tailored towards the possibility that he might have to take his raven form without warning. "But I don't exactly relish the thought of hurting you either, Kundith, and it _will_ hurt. Not even doing it magically will prevent that."

"I don't care about it hurting," she tells him. "I just want it done so that nothing can take it from me." She wills him to understand the words she isn't saying, the ones that want to scream about all the little bits of happiness that have been taken from her.

"Alright," he whispers, "we'll talk to Balin."

He leans his head against hers and she takes the opportunity to brush their lips together, thrilling at the thought that she is allowed to do this so long as it is quick and chaste. There are a few light chuckles from the others, but no one comments on it. In the Shire, she thinks, there would have been uproar and they would have been separated the instant that Kili lowered his head towards hers. He grins at her, one that reaches his dancing eyes this time, and grabs her hand so that he can half walk and half tow her towards Balin who listens to them both in thoughtful silence as they explain their request.

"Much as I hate to admit it," Balin says, "the thought of asking you to do this had already crossed my mind, Kili." Both stare at him. "Should things go awry, should Billana find herself without us, she would be able to make it to the Iron Hills in animal form. Regardless of anything else, of _why_ she had been separated from us, they would have to help her as _Khazad bâhâl_. I didn't mention it because I thought you would act with the same distaste that the rest of your people would, lass."

"How do you know so much about hobbits?" Kili asks.

"I've had my encounters," Balin replies in a tone which tells them both to drop the subject. "If it's something that you _want_ , Billana, I will be happy to stand with you."

"It might not be a bad idea to have Fili there as well," Kili says and Balin hums an agreement.

"Immediately after the ceremony," he says, "for now, lass, it's time for you to bathe and comb your hair."

She gives Kili a helpless look as Balin leads her away. To her annoyance he merely grins and walks in the opposite direction.

An hour later she is stood in the field surrounded by the drone of Beorn's massive bees. Her clothes have been cleaned and mended, her belt is fastened at her hip with her little sword on one side and the elf dagger on the other. Her hair has been washed and treated with oils so that it smells faintly of vanilla and hangs neatly down her back instead of in the usual riotous mass of curls that she has to contend with on a daily basis. Balin stands next to her, as clean and polished as she is given the circumstances, and he smiles at her as she shifts nervously while she waits. One by one her friends take up a low hum that grows into a rumbling song that seems to vibrate inside her bones and makes her chest feel tight, as though the weight of every mountain is upon it. This is the signal for her to step among them, where they stand in a circle around Thorin with a space left for her to pass through and Balin to take up.

Her guardian joins the song as she halts in front of Thorin, remembering to keep her gaze _up_ and on his rather than looking at her feet as she wishes that she could. Thirteen sets of eyes are on her in a way that makes her heart race uncomfortably and the old urge to run comes over her. Attention on this scale has always ended badly for her in the past. It is only the way the waves of the song wash over her, and the way that Thorin's eyes almost seem to smile even though his face is stern, that keeps her from giving in to the impulse. Finally, he raises his hands and the others fall silent so suddenly that it feels like the world has stopped for just a second.

He begins to speak in rapid Khuzdul, the words flowing from his lips far more naturally than she thinks they ever will from hers. She knows what he is saying, knows that he is recounting the deeds that she has undertaken in order to be granted this great honour. They are things that she would just as soon not remember in so much detail or with any of the exaggeration that she is sure Thorin will be indulging in. She pays attention to the way that it rolls from him, the way that the words seem to sound more natural coming from his lips than the common tongue that they all share. The words call to mind high mountains and deep places and perhaps the way that they make her feel are as much a reason that they are kept from outsiders as anything else. He utters her name and she blinks, realising that now is the time for her to make her replies and hoping that she doesn't butcher the language too horribly.

He asks her if she understands the reasons that they have offered her the honour of declaring her _Khazad bâhâl_ , which she confirms haltingly. He asks if she understands that their secrets are sacred and not to be shared with outsiders unless those outsiders have also been deemed worthy of the position of _Khazad bâhâl_ and she confirms that with more confidence. He finally asks if she, as _Khazad bâhâl_ , is willing to give her time and possibly her life in the protection of those secrets, if she will keep them no matter who may order her to betray them. She has no difficulty giving her vow to that one.

"Who will place the braid?" Thorin asks her.

"I ask it of Dori, son of Aari," she responds in Khuzdul, the words halting but clear.

"Step forward," Thorin orders and Dori complies.

As he carefully separates out a section of her hair the others begin to hum again, taking up another air that fills the circle. Dori doesn't hurry, his fingers confident but moving at a stately pace as he weaves occasionally holding a hand out to Thorin so that he can take another bead to place in her hair. The beads are small, far smaller than the ones that she has seen clasp the ends of the braids most of her friends wear, and a quick glance shows that they each have a small chip of diamond set in them with a star etched around them. It reminds her of the stars in the inking she will have Kili give her later and she supposes there must be some significance to it though she has no idea what. Finally, as the song the others are singing reaches a crescendo, Dori accepts the final bead from Thorin, this one a larger and heavier one that serves as a clasp at the end of her braid. Then he bows to Thorin, touches his head to Billana's briefly, and steps back into his place in the circle.

"Billana Took," Thorin says over the hum of the others, " _Khazad bâhâl_!"

Seven times he and the others shout the same sentence until, with a final cheer, they close in around her and she finds herself surrounded by them as they each reach to pat her on the back or pull her into a firm embrace.

"And now we _drink_!" She hears Bofur declare and is glad when Fili catches her hand to pull her from the crowd racing towards Beorn's ale barrels.

"Well done," he whispers, and she beams at him.

"I probably butchered it," she says, and he shrugs. "But I didn't run."

"No, you did well," he agrees, "and I noticed how badly you wanted to. It won't always be so hard to be under scrutiny, Kitten," he assures her. She nods.

"Billana?" Kili approaches with Balin, his expression tight, "it's time."

They step around a corner where it is less likely that one of the others will come across them. Fili keeps her hand held tightly in his, his expression showing as clearly as Kili's that he does not like this. With the ceremony so recently completed there is no need for anything to be repeated as would have to happen if they waited until they had the equipment in Erebor and so Kili simply mutters the final phrase once more before placing his hand over her arm and muttering a word. Fire blazes through her where his hand rests and she bites her lip to keep herself from screaming. Anguish covers Kili's face and for a moment she thinks that he might pull away until Balin reminds him that he cannot.

Fili draws her head into his chest and she turns her face into him, breathing in his scent with every gasping breath until the pain finally recedes and she feels Kili reach for her. She pulls him close and they stay like that for far longer than she had thought Balin would allow until her shaking stops and her tears cease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butchered Khuzdul:  
> Khazad bâhâl: Dwarf friend (lit. befriender of dwarves)
> 
> Yes, I will butcher tiny amounts of Khuzdul, but I wasn't going to do the whole ceremony. How many chapters have we spent at Beorn's now? And still at least two more to go... If they don't get as out of control as this one did.


	30. Beorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beorn returns the following afternoon in a mood which can only be described as smug.

Beorn returns the following afternoon in a mood which can only be described as smug. He strolls into the cottage, greeting Gandalf in his booming voice as the few dwarves who have lingered inside regard him with pained groans. Most of them have only just left their beds and are showing clear signs of having celebrated a little bit too hard the night before and delved too deeply into Beorn's ale stores.

Billana, who has decided to indulge in a bit of afternoon tea for the first time in years, laughs as Bofur, Gloin, Nori and Dwalin turn slightly green when the noise causes them to move. Nori, she notices, is pressed tightly against Dwalin's side and while the guard would usually move to put some distance between them, today he is as heavily propped against the thief. Dori's grin, from his place across from her where he is mending yet another tear in a coat, is almost vicious. He had been among the advocates for saving the full celebration for later and she sees Nori make a gesture that she assumes is somewhat crude at the silver haired dwarf in response to others from Dori and she rolls her eyes. Even at their age, they seem to bicker on occasion. That said, none of the siblings in the Company seem to be as different from one another as Dori, Nori and Ori. Dori, much like Balin and Thorin, had been less than impressed to emerge from the stables where they are all still sleeping to find that the four of them were still sprawled over the table.

"Ah, Little One, getting fat off cream and honey, are you?" Beorn asks her, sitting heavily on the bench next to her and she squeaks as it shifts under him.

"It would take more than this to fatten me up," she replies, "the average hobbit eats between four and seven meals a day."

"Then I will need to ensure I send as much as you can carry for your journey onwards, although I fear it won't be enough to allow even three meals a day," Beorn says.

"I don't think anyone could carry enough food for a hobbit to eat a truly comfortable number of meals a day," she shrugs.

Beorn hums, his expression distant and his face troubled behind his thick beard. Months in the company of dwarves has taught Billana a great deal about reading what happens behind their thick facial hair.

"I would speak with you, wizard," he turns to Gandalf, "about the path ahead." Gandalf gets to his feet, hearing the thinly veiled request that the conversation happen away from the other occupants of the house. "Will you run with me tonight, Little One?" He asks her and Billana beams at him.

"I would love to," she agrees.

Beorn nods and walks from the room, Gandalf on his heels, and the instant he is out of sight Dori begins to fret over her agreement. Beorn is so large and she is so very small, does she have a form she could take that the great bear would know to leave alone? How will she find help if she needs it?

"Oh, leave off her, Dori," Nori grumbles, "Billana's proved that she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself, regardless of what you and Balin seem to think." Dori splutters.

"Nori's right," Dwalin grouses, "leave off. Or worry more quietly."

Billana decides that, in this instance, discretion is the better part of valour and slips away. It is quieter outside, though Dori's raised voice is still audible, and she sees Thorin and Fili to one side with their swords sparring. To her eyes it looks as though they are making a serious attempt at killing or seriously injuring one another, but she can see Kili sat to one side quietly and unconcerned as he fletches several new arrows. She recognises the arrow heads as the ones that the twins gave him, and he smiles at her as she approaches.

"Do you want some help?" She asks him, he looks at her quizzically. "Do you really think I waited for the twins to bring me a fresh supply of arrows every year?" She says, archly. "It'll go faster if I help."

He grins brightly and they spend the rest of the afternoon quietly working as Fili and Thorin spar. She continues when Fili trades places with his brother, talking idly with the blond as she works. It is peaceful, almost homey, and it makes her wonder if there will be many such afternoons once they have the mountain and she's settled into her life there with them.

Evening comes and Billana changes in the hayloft, wrapping a blanket around her so that it will be easier to change when she joins Beorn. The giant skin changer also strips, but he leaves the house completely uncaring of his nudity or the wide eyes of more than one dwarf. Billana flushes and keeps her eyes averted, she still isn't accustomed to the way the dwarves will bathe communally, even though she is comfortable enough unclothed in front of the twins for short bursts of time and she is certain that given time she will eventually be as at ease in front of Fili and Kili. She very much doubts, she will _ever_ be comfortable enough to walk naked through a room full of strangers. She follows him, flashing a quick grin at Fili, Kili and Balin, none of whom had any objections to her embracing this part of herself.

Beorn is a great bear within a moment of leaving the house and Billana takes the form of a fox not long after. Much as she knows that the dwarves accept the wolf, much as she knows that Kili _admires_ that part of her, she cannot quite bring herself to take on that form unless she desperately needs to. She runs alongside the bear as he trots through the open grassland to the east of his cottage, relishing in the feeling of freedom that comes with taking an alternative form and in being with one who understands what it is to hear the voices of the creatures around them.

- _That is not your usual choice_ \- the bear says when they come to rest beside a tall oak. - _I have heard the dwarves mention a number of shapes that they have seen you take, a vixen is not among them-_

 _-It is more familiar to me_ \- she replies, - _than some of the other wild forms I have, and better suited to running with you than a bird or a house cat-_

 _-Indeed_ \- he agrees - _and yet I find myself curious to see the wolf that so many of them speak of with such reverence-_ She doesn't answer. _-You fear it-_

_-I have reason-_

_-Everyone who has possessed magic such as ours has lost themselves to their animal side at one time or another-_ He councils. _-It is not your burden alone, Little One, your dwarves would help with it where they could. Especially the young one_ s- He pauses. - _Your path lies through the Woodland Realm of the King Thranduil Oropherion. The woods and paths are not what they once were, even when the dwarves were driven from their mountain-_

_-You know about that?-_

_-The ripples of the dragon's actions have been felt even here, Little One_ \- he nods. - _There is abundant life here, but it has not always been so. Many of the wild things that lived around the Lonely Mountain were displaced due to that creature's taint. But the darkness upon the elf wood is different. The Men have begun to call it Mirkwood and it is home to terrible things from an age long thought past. The elf king is not the best guardian of his realm and I do not like the thought of you going through it. In truth you need not_ -

- _If we are to make our destination, I do_ \- she replies.

- _The dwarves do_ \- he corrects - _and their path will be days through that dark place with no chance to hunt for food and no extra water to drink. It will be a difficult journey if they make it through at all. Do not think me ignorant of their destination either_ \- he adds. - _There are but two places that a party of dwarves could go beyond those woods and there would not be a desire to face such danger as Mirkwood for one of them. I dislike that more_ -

- _It's my choice_ \- she reminds him and the bear turns to look at the canopy of stars above them.

- _It is, and I will not attempt to keep you from it. I would only ask you to be wary. Dwarves are good at making pretty promises when the need calls for it, but poor at keeping them when the time to pay comes_ \- She has heard similar in the past, though she little wants to believe it and she says as much. - _I have watched your young ones-_ he responds _-and I have smelt them upon you. The older dwarves may play you false, but the desire of the younger is real. You will be safest with them, I think_ -

- _What would you have me do?_ \- She asks.

- _Wait here with me for two weeks_ \- is the reply - _then fly yourself to the other end of the woodland path and find your dwarves there_ -

- _I won't do that_ \- she shakes her head - _I gave them my word, I won't risk losing them in the forest_ -

- _That place is not for the likes of us, Little One_ \- the bear snarls. - _The days when I would risk those paths are long gone. If, however, you will not listen to reason I will make you this offer: should you survive this foolish venture and find that the deeper and darker nature of dwarves has proven true, you will have a home here with me. I will teach you all of the things that your father should have_ -

- _You know my father?_ \- She asks in surprise.

- _Do you not?_ \- He replies and she shakes her head. - _I cannot tell you his identity, I have never met him nor heard his name. Only that there is one who roams the world who was responsible for the awakening of the wild magics within my kind and it would seem that he has done the same with yours. He lingered with my ancestor and taught him what it was to be of the wild things. Mingling with Men has, inevitably, thinned our blood to the extent that we can now only assume one form. You have the first gift, the greatest and purest of it. There is likely much that you haven't been taught and more still that neither of us knows. You are meant for great things, and I do not feel a fiery death in a forsaken mountain is it. Should you need a place, Billana Took, you will be welcome within my borders_ -

It would seem, she muses after thanking him, that she has gone from not being able to find a safe place to truly call home, to having more than she knows what to do with.

- _Does this mean you won't help us?-_ She asks him.

 _-No, Little One_ \- he sighs and even in the part of her mind where she hears him, he sounds exhausted. - _I will give all the help that I can. You still have goblins and orcs following you, and little as I like the thought of you entering Mirkwood I like the thought of them getting their hands on you even less. I will give you what aid I may.-_

They do not linger after that, Beorn goes to investigate some activity to the north and Billana returns to her friends. He has given her much to think about and she likes the plan of traveling through Mirkwood even less now that she has heard Beorn's warnings than she did before Gandalf mentioned it only that morning. Putting Thorin near elves, she has learnt, is not a wise plan and she wonders if they can make it through that forest without encountering any. She knows little of his dealings with the elves of the Woodland Realm, but she knows that it is poor purely from the additional venom in his tone when he mentions Thranduil.

She curls up to sleep next to Balin with Beorn's offer and warnings racing through her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my updates are going to slow down over the coming weeks. I have (finally) started on the revision work for my degree which starts a little under 3 weeks. On top of renovating the house and raising two children. Nothing like a challenge. But I keep putting it off and I promised myself I would start this year, so this is me, about to start studying maths and physics which will drastically reduce my writing time. But this will be finished, if only because I know that I will need the breaks and because it helps me to unwind. There is much maths practice floating around right now, I'm surprised how much I remember.


	31. Separations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over the following days Beorn helps them to gather supplies and prepare as much as possible

Over the following days Beorn helps them to gather supplies and prepare as much as possible for the trip through Mirkwood. He says little about Billana's refusal to accept his offer to stay with him while letting the dwarves traverse the forest, but every now and then it is clear that he is considering taking his offer to the dwarves in an attempt to get _them_ to convince her. He doesn't and she is glad of it, knowing that if he did Balin would very likely all but order her to remain in his role as her guardian. At least, she thinks he would _try_. Technically she is now in Gandalf's care, but she has noticed since she shared the events of the Fell Winter with the dwarves they have cared very little about the fact that Gandalf is the guardian that her mother appointed.

Beorn helps them to make or adapt packs for their food and blankets, provides them with skins for water and an additional bow with arrows. They will find nothing to hunt in Mirkwood, but there will be plenty that they might need to protect themselves from. As the only other dwarf with experience of using a bow, and the height to wield this one, Thorin accepts it with grudging thanks. The packs are filled with dried fruit, waybread and hard cheese, stuffed as tightly as possible without the seams bursting or the weight becoming too much to bear. The first few days will be a misery of aching backs and shoulders, she knows, but if the length of the journey is as great as Beorn says they will miss it come the end.

"You will need to strictly ration your meals," Beorn tells them once they have packed as much as they can. "The journey through that place is not a short one, nearly three weeks if you keep to the path."

"And if we don't?" Bofur asks.

"Then you may never escape Mirkwood at all," the skin changer replies flatly. "There are fell things and dark enchantments in that place. It will muddle your minds and steal your wits. I can give you enough food to take you to the other side and as far as the town of Men on the lake, but you will find nothing to supplement your supplies in there for all that lives and grows is tainted by the foul magics. Nor will you find water, for the only river carries a powerful sleeping curse. The elves in that place are not so wise nor welcoming as their kin over the mountains, they have been little inclined to maintain the ways through their realm so that travellers may avoid the ever-increasing dangers."

The dwarves mutter and grumble among themselves, unhappy with this development no matter _how_ necessary it is that they go through the forest. Billana sees Fili eyeing her, as well as Kili, speculatively and her nerves pull tight, she knows what he is planning.

"Don't even think about it," she hisses when he approaches her.

"It would be safer for both of you," Fili mutters.

"We agreed you wouldn't try to send me away again," she reminds him, and he sighs, leaning down to touch his head to hers gently and resting a hand on her hip.

"I know, Kitten," he replies, his voice too soft to be heard by the others. "But let me worry? At least a little bit. I only want you _safe_ , both of you."

"You think I don't want the same? You think your brother doesn't?" She asks. He huffs and she reaches to touch his cheek. "I would never forgive myself if I left and something happened to you or Kili. _Never_. Even if Kili was with me, I still wouldn't if it meant being absent and losing _you_." He whispers her name. "How about this," she continues, "if something happens to you, if it looks like I won't survive if I stay, I'll leave as long as Kili comes with me."

"And if he can't?" The 'or won't' goes unsaid.

"Then I'm not leaving," she says firmly. He opens his mouth to object, and she frowns. "Fili, there is nothing that you can say that will make me stay and wait. I won't do it. It would drive me mad. Please don't ask it of me."

"Alright," he mumbles, "alright. I won't ask it again. But if the time comes-"

"If the time comes, and there is no chance to save _you_ , I will leave _with_ Kili," she promises.

Fili frowns at the way she has phrased it, obviously noticing that she has left very little space for him to find a way around it. Billana has learnt to pay attention to the way that agreements are phrased during her time with the dwarves, so she is fairly certain she hasn't left any wiggle room.

"Sickening, aren't they?" Bofur comments, breaking through their little bubble, though the words are said with a certain amount of fondness.

Fili makes a rude gesture in his direction, but then he withdraws from her. He mutters something to Kili briefly as he moves to continue his own preparations and she wonders if he is going to talk to his brother about the outcome of their discussion. She doesn't get a moment to find out because Beorn still seems to have more to add to the rest of his dire warnings.

"Your days here have placed you at a disadvantage, for all the physical good they may have done you," he says. "It has given those who pursue you a chance to catch up. Mirkwood is several days away, they _will_ catch you before you can reach that cursed place if you should make the attempt on foot. Fortunately, they fear the enchantments there as greatly as you should. If you can make it inside, you may outrun them."

"Comforting," she hears Nori mutter under his breath.

"I dislike dwarves," Beorn continues as though he hasn't heard the thief. "I think you greedy with little care for the other races," there are a number of outraged cries until Thorin calls for silence. "Fortunately, your treatment of Billana has given me cause to reassess that perception. I will _loan_ you the ponies so that you may reach Mirkwood. They will not follow you inside, and you should know better than to attempt to _force_ them." This declaration is met with silence until Thorin, grudgingly, gives his thanks for the use of the animals for even a short time.

Beorn nods and turns to depart, the hour is late, after all, and with so many orcs roaming so closely to his borders he is watching vigilantly for signs of trespassers. He pauses, however, when he sees Billana, then gestures for her to join him. She follows obediently, curious about what he could want.

"There is a warning that I would give you, Little One, away from their hearing," his voice is soft as they step outside and she wonders if he is going to try and warn her, again, that the dwarves may betray her. "The story of your trip here claims that you encountered trolls, the stone giants of old and the great eagles. Is there anything about them that you noticed?"

"Silver," she replies after a little thought, she doesn't know if Beorn feels animals the way that she does, but she describes it anyway. "They felt silver in my mind and some part of them was made of it too, their claws or teeth or nails."

"Indeed," Beorn nods, obviously pleased, "You must _never_ attempt to become any creature that feels that way, including a dragon." He tells her. She stares at him in consternation. The thought of becoming a dragon to face Smaug hadn't occurred to her until now, but it sounds like rather an excellent idea. "Even if he allowed you to join your minds deeply enough to make the change, you would never escape him. He would have a great influence over you and you would become exactly that which you had hoped to defeat. Once you become such a creature the change is permanent and overwhelming. If you become a dragon, you will _remain_ a dragon in all ways. If Smaug didn't kill you, your dwarves would be forced to."

"Why hasn't Gandalf ever warned me of this?" She whispers in horror, after all, if she had been in possession of enough of her magic during the flight with the great eagles she might have been tempted to try such an action then.

"I doubt he is aware of the risk," Beorn tells her. "My people have legends of it happening and the ending to such stories is rarely a happy one. No matter how tempting it might be, or how much your companions may push for it, _do not_ attempt it."

"I promise," she agrees.

"Good, now get some rest, Little One, you still have a difficult road ahead."

On impulse she rushes towards him and Beorn crouches to wrap her in his massive arms. She will miss him, for all that she has only known him a little over a week, but perhaps she will have the opportunity to visit him one day. She's sure that Fili and Kili wouldn't mind if they could find a safe path back. He pats her head with a soft chuckle and releases her, then he stands and walks away, shedding his clothes as he goes.

"What did he want?" Kili asks from behind her and she flinches.

"Nothing much," she shrugs, "just reminding me of something. We should go in."

Kili looks at her sceptically and she feels a shiver of guilt for lying to him. It isn't something that she is good at, but she has learnt to do it out of necessity no matter how much she dislikes it. He is dubious, she knows, but he lets the matter go and wraps his arm around her waist as they walk back into the cottage. Billana leans against him, enjoying his warmth and the safe feeling that comes with being close to him. Her conversation with Beorn has left her frightened and off balance. Eventually it would have occurred to her to make the attempt to become a dragon, and it likely will to the dwarves as well, and she _would_ have attempted it rather than risk her friends being hurt or killed. It would have ended in disaster and as much as she longs to share that fear with Kili, she knows that the risk of the others hearing will be too great. She isn't sure that they would understand her refusal or give her a chance to explain it fully.

"Are you _sure_ you're alright, Kundith?" Kili mutters before they cross the threshold into the stables where the others have already retired for the night. "You seem upset."

"It wasn't anything you need to worry over," she assures him, "just something I wish I had considered before now, that's all."

He presses a kiss to her forehead and withdraws reluctantly when Balin shoots him a look. Billana spends the night sleeping especially close to her guardian.

Morning dawns bright and clear, and with it comes the knowledge that it is time for them to leave. Outside fourteen ponies and a horse wait for them, already loaded with their supplies. Billana approaches carefully, selecting the smallest pony for herself and thanking them mentally.

- _The Bear-Man says that you will look after us-_ they reply. - _We will help you-_

The animals greet the others with gentle nudges, clearly eager to be on their way and it isn't long until they are all mounted. The pace Thorin sets is swift, the need to avoid the notice of the orcs that follow them at the fore of his mind. A quiet murmur from Gandalf has them slowing a little after a time and Billana knows why from the lingering sense of Beorn in his bear form in the back of her mind. He will not permit them to set a pace which will tax their mounts too much and even when they cross from his territory she can still feel him there.

It takes a little over a day for them to reach the fringes of Mirkwood, and Beorn follows them at a distance the entire time. The dwarves are grumbling as they dismount, there is some talk of keeping the ponies anyway, and Gandalf berates them with a reminder of Beorn's words as Billana gathers her pack and approaches the entrance to the forest. A hand slips into hers and she looks up to see Kili, his face a scowl as he looks at the weed choked entrance. There is a sense of deep sickness that comes from the place and Billana swallows the urge to retch at the feeling and the smell of deep rot. There is a statue beside the entrance, a robed elf woman, and once it much have been beautiful but now it is coated in weeds. Billana steps towards it curiously, sadness tugging at the edges of her mind as she looks upon it.

"No," Gandalf says sharply as she reaches to move a strand of ivy. "Let me."

He reaches with his staff to lift the plant, it's leaves glossy and almost black when they should be a rich green. As he moves it a thick splash of red comes into view and, at first, it appears to be a lidless red eye hastily splashed in place. Then the colours shift, swirling and bleeding through yellow and orange and black within the red. It is almost hypnotic and she finds herself captivated by it. A sharp pain to her head brings her back to herself and she hears Kili yelp in the same moment.

"Do not look at it," Gandalf orders. "Do not touch it and do not think of it. Should you come across another as you cross the Woodland Realm I would advise that you pass it as swiftly as you may."

"What _is_ it?" Kili asks, eyeing the statue warily, though Gandalf has covered the strange magic with the ivy once more.

"A terrible thing and a great danger," Gandalf says seriously. "More than that you do not need to know. Hold my horse!" He calls to Bofur who is about to turn the ponies loose.

"Wait, are you leaving?" Billana demands.

"I fear I must, my dear," he says sadly.

"But the quest," she objects as Thorin comes to find out what is happening.

"At this stage it can proceed as well without me as with," Gandalf replies. "There are some things in this world, Billana Took, that I cannot ignore the signs of, no matter _how_ important any other task may be." He turns to Thorin. "Keep to the path and remember Beorn's warnings. I will meet you at the mountain by Durin's Day. Do _not_ enter without me. Dragon's have magics of their own, there is no knowing what foul curses Smaug may have laid upon the place."

The smallest tilt of Thorin's head is the only sign that he has heard and he quickly marches back to the others, bellowing for them to grab their things and get ready to move into the forest. Billana lingers near Gandalf, concerned that should there be more of those strange eyes within Mirkwood they will be lost to them without the wizard. Ultimately, however, she knows well that Gandalf comes and goes as he will and there is little that can be done to change his mind when he becomes set upon a course of action.

"Be careful," she tells him.

"As I may be," he replies. "You have grown since we left, my dear. You are not the same hobbit who left the Shire."

"I'm glad of it," she says. "I'm glad I left, that you chose me. I've found something on this quest."

"And what would that be?"

"A place to belong," she answers.

"It's time to go, Kitten," Fili says from behind her.

She takes his hand and they pause only long enough to watch Gandalf ride away before turning into Mirkwood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I actually did research while I was plotting this (before it decided to deviate from the plan where it could, in my original notes we were already in Lake Town by chapter 31) and looked into how much time they must have spent in Mirkwood. Midsummer falls on 21st June, (Lithe according to the hobbits) and they departed Rivendell on that day or soon after (depending on if you're looking at the movie or the book) They are in Lake Town on Bilbo's birthday which is September 22nd. So that leaves three months of travelling between Rivendell and Lake Town. Even accounting for the weeks they spent as Thranduil's prisoners (likely at least three, probably even a month) that leaves a lot of time for them to be getting places. It would have probably taken some time to get from Rivendell to the pass through the mountains, they spent roughly a week with Beorn, and the way that the book is written implies that they were in Mirkwood for some time since they ran out of food and had become desperate.


	32. Dark Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The temperature drops noticeably as they enter Mirkwood

The temperature drops noticeably as they enter Mirkwood and Billana's grip on Fili's had tightens. Everything seems to take on a grey sheen, becoming dull, washed out and aged. The trees are oppressive around them, even only a few steps in, their dull, dark leaves blocking most of the light and making it fell like they are walking through early evening instead of mid-afternoon. A big part of her wants to turn and run in the opposite direction, back to the safety and peace of Beorn's home. She forces herself to keep moving, refusing to let go of Fili's hand for even a moment in case her nerve deserts her. He doesn't ask it of her, seeming to want the contact as much as she does by the way that he pulls her as close as he can while not compromising on their pace with the others.

The rest of the Company walk clumped together in much the same way, their heads twitching as they look around warily. Occasionally a bird will let out a cry or a bush wlll rustle and they will all turn towards the sound, reaching for their weapons. In any other place Billana might find their jumpiness amusing, but in this place she understands it. Beorn hadn't been exaggerating when he said that the animals of this place had been touched by the darkness that has infected it. They feel wrong to her, much in the same way that Farmer Maggot's rabid dog had. Sick, dangerous.

 _Insane_.

She pulls her senses back in as far as she can, though she has never been able to shut them off completely, and the nausea that comes from the feel of those creatures fades. She knows, however, that it will be back come morning. She has little control over that part of her magic while she sleeps. Soon, without the sense of any animals nearby, Billana is flinching and jumping as much as the rest of them. They have only been inside the forest for a little over an hour and it weighs on them all more than it should. Nothing about it is natural and, as the hours pass, Billana finds herself wondering _how_ they will manage three weeks in this place provided they don't lose the path.

Sooner than they would like it becomes too dark to see clearly. Billana shifts her eyes to cat's eyes so that she can keep up with the others. The dwarves dark sight is something that she envies and bleakly she wonders if she will doom herself to forever moving around in half light and near darkness should she make her home in Erebor, regardless of whether she accepts any future proposal from Fili and Kili. She is not given to vanity, the daughter of Belladonna Took has rarely been given the opportunity to present herself as other hobbit maids would, but she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life using eyes that are not truly her own. She may see well in darkness, but to do so she has sacrificed all colour. Not that there is much colour in Mirkwood in any case.

They make camp upon the road, finding a place where the stones aren't as uneven as in others, and set up their blankets as much upon it as they can, although there are a couple who will not fit onto the flat place and they lay their blankets as close to the path as possible, closer to those of others where there would usually be some distance. They will all spend the night, and likely many of the rest of them, sleeping practically on top of one another. There is little dry wood for a fire, and when they try to light one it emits a thick, oily smoke which sticks in their throats and burns their lungs. Even the dwarves, who seem built to withstand the heat and smoke of great forges, struggle with it and the fire is covered in minutes. Dinner is disappointingly small, a tiny helping of dried fruit, a small wedge of cheese and a single helping of the trail bread. Two meals like this per day will be barely enough to keep her alive, she thinks darkly, although she understands the necessity of it. If she did not have her own pack to carry she would turn into something small, perhaps a mouse or sparrow, and ride upon Fili or Kili's shoulders for the duration of the trip. She would need far less food that way. She has her own belongings to manage, however, and she is reluctant to spend more than a day in any one form after the events of the Fell Winter. She will have to continue as she is and hope that the forest does not prove too dark or overwhelming.

The following days begin to form a pattern. They will rise, eat a slightly larger helping of their rations to fortify them for the day, and begin to walk. As they walk Billana will huddle near to Fili, Kili, Ori or Balin depending on who she is closer to at the outset. Fili and Kili will hold onto her tightly, as though terrified that she will disappear on them, and the three of them will try to raise each other's spirits by trading stories. The brothers will speak about their lives in the Blue Mountains, lives that are far less opulent than she would have expected for two princes, and she can hear the longing in their voices as they speak of that place that is absent when they talk about Erebor. The Lonely Mountain, she learns, is a mystery to all but two of their number. Thorin and Balin were born there and spent a good number of their formative years there, but the rest of them, even Dwalin, are more likely to call the Blue Mountains home. Oin was born there not long before the mountain fell, and likely has few memories of the place. Of the others the only one in question is Dori, and he refuses to speak on the matter when they ask. Erebor is their birthright, but in truth they have no real idea what that will mean for their future or the full extent of the consequences of taking it back. They have come on the quest because their uncle needed the support, even though their mother begged them to reconsider, and because this might be the only chance for Kili to move out of the shadows that his uncle has pushed him into.

"Not for the treasure then?" She asks, trying for a jovial tone and failing after five days of the dark depths of this place.

"A dwarf will do nearly anything for treasure," Kili laughs. "But I think we've already found a treasure more precious than all of the gold in Erebor and all the mithril in Khazad-dum." He looks directly at her as he says it and she can tell that he is utterly sincere. It is a baffling thing to hear when she has spent so much of her life being told that she is worthless, but a glance at Fili on her other side shows that he shares the sentiment. Her cheeks flare and it is too much to hope that they cannot see it, Kili grins at her. "Did you think we would value gold and gems above you, Kundith?" He asks.

"I hadn't really thought about it," she tries to ignore the odd sensation that floods her at the intense look in his eyes.

The more time she spends with the two of them, the more they make her feel like this and she doesn't understand it or know what to do with it. She only knows that it makes her breathing more rapid and her fingers itch to touch them. It makes her want to repeat that moment by the stream at Beorn's and find out just how far it might go and what it might lead to. It scares her a little bit, but it is thrilling as well. She wonders if her mother felt anything like this the night she became with child and mourns that she will never find out.

"If we thought you would allow it, Kitten, we would drape you in gold and jewels," Fili assures her with a gentle touch. "But we both know you well enough to know that you care little for such things. Perhaps, though, some rings of gold here," he drags a finger over the pointed tip of her ear and she squeaks. Balin glances back at them, then turns away again seemingly satisfied that there is no mischief afoot. "Don't you think, brother?" He asks over the top of her head.

She doesn't hear Kili's reply but knows it must have been one of agreement because Fili's grin becomes wider. Her heart lightens at the sight, Fili has been so grim since they entered Mirkwood, all of the dwarves have, but seeing both Fili and Kili carrying such weight on their shoulders hurts in a way that she cannot quite describe. Doubts and questions plague their minds in the same way that they do all of them, but their doubts are of their own worth in much the way that hers are. They _are_ princes, but they were raised in exile and have spent the years since they were old enough to do so earning their keep rather than truly learning how to be figures of power and influence. Much as she tries to reassure them, she has her own concerns on that matter that she cannot bring herself to voice. They have been born for this role and she sees little bits of Thorin in Fili's behaviour daily, although he is definitely the more gentle and less prone to snap judgements of the two. Fili may not feel prepared to be king, but Billana has heard Kili reassure him more than once that the foundations are in place. All that there is left to do is hope that Thorin survives long enough to teach them the rest of what they need to know.

Kili's doubts are less focused on the idea that he is not ready to take a position of power and more in the fear that once they are in the mountain Thorin will once again have him hiding everything that he is capable of under the guise of a lovable fool. Kili is bright, remarkably so for one who so rarely seems to think through his actions, but she has seen on more than one occasion that he feels like he has to compete with Fili to show that he has more worth than just as the smiling second son. He has made mention of those fears over the last several days, and she sees the others doing the same among themselves. They fear what they will find when they reach the mountain, they fear what will happen when their families join them. They fear their pasts will catch up with them. Mirkwood seems to have a way of bringing all of their doubts and concerns and fears to the surface, twisting their minds with dark thoughts and suspicions and crushing them with the weight of those thoughts.

Eight days in they come across the river. It bubbles past them, running swiftly under a collapsed and rotten bridge, though no heat comes off it. Even in what passes for the brightness of midday the water is black and Billana remembers Beorn's warnings about it. It seems that Balin, at least, also remembers for when Bofur rushes forwards to refill a water skin he is halted by a sharp cry of his name.

"Remember Beorn's warning," Balin says, "do _not_ drink the water and I doubt we should touch it either."

"That will make getting across difficult," Thorin observes.

The Company instantly begins to argue about how they are going to cross and Billana turns her attention over the river. The bridge has obviously long rotted away, this is not a recent occurrence, and she looks into the gloom at the other side. Surely, she thinks, there must be a boat somewhere. Her eyes shift again, becoming the sharp eyes of a hawk and she squints until the shape she has been looking for materialises.

"There's a boat over the river," she calls, "do we have a length of rope? I could turn into a bird and fly it over."

"We have a rope," Thorin tells her, "but I will not have any of us going somewhere alone in this place." She stares at him. "Kili, go with her. We will ensure your packs and clothes are brought with us." His words cause confusion with most of the other members of the Company, but Kili beams at his uncle and wastes no time in removing his clothes.

Billana undresses more slowly, crouching to fold and pack them away as much as she can, alarmed at how empty her pack is already even with their rationing. Knowing that Kili will become a raven she shifts into one herself before he does, and moves to land on Fili's shoulder while Kili passes the rope to him. She runs her beak through Fili's hair briefly and he leans in silently, watching as Kili shifts. He doesn't change form as quickly as she does, though whether that is because he doesn't have as much practice or if it is because his magic works differently she doesn't know.

"Well, that explains a lot," she hears Gloin comment and she shakes her head.

Kili dips when he takes the rope from Fili, and she goes to help him. They fly over the river together, something which takes less than a minute, and they land on the edge of the small rowboat. It will probably only hold three or four of their friends at a time with all of their packs as well, which will mean multiple trips, but there is nothing else to use. They shift back together and she ties the end of the rope to the prow as Kili summons a globe of his magic so that he can speak with his uncle. Once done, she unties the mooring rope and tugs on the one they brought over twice. The boat glides through the water as the others pull on it and she shivers as she watches, abruptly realising the flaw in this particular plan as she trembles due to the cool air under the trees.

Kili wraps his arms around her from behind heat coming off him in waves that are usually muted slightly by his clothes. Billana leans against him without thinking, hardly noticing the feeling of his skin against hers as she tries to warm herself. He rests his head on top of hers, watching for the approach of the boat as he holds her and she decides that she could become accustomed to this. Which is when she remembers that he is as bare as she is, and that they shouldn't be seen like this by the others who will likely arrive at any moment.

"I'm going to change back," she tells him softly, sound carries strangely on water and she can already hear the splash of oars.

"Why?" He asks.

"Because neither of us have any clothes on," she points out, "and unlike you and your brother I don't like parading around with everything on show."

"If you think you must," he shrugs, but turns her in his arms. Then his lips are on hers and it is a gentle kiss, his hands unmoving on her hips. "Quickly," he breathes when they part. She turns into a raven, fluttering onto his shoulder this time and giving his hair the same treatment that she did Fili's.

Her sense of the animals around her is stronger when she is in her natural form, but even so she feels the stag before she sees it. It is a spectacular animal, all white with antlers of pure silver. Not an entirely natural creature, she thinks, and it pauses at the bank to look at them both.

"If only I had my bow," Kili breathes, although whether he really longs for it when he sounds as awed as she feels Billana doesn't know. Nevertheless she pecks his head in warning and he flinches. "No, you're right," he agrees, "that is a creature far too magnificent to place in the stew pot." He bows slightly to the stag and the creature approaches them.

- _I greet you in the name of the Greenwood that was, Child of_ _Aulë_ _and Child of the Hunters_ \- he says. - _Your respect will not go unrewarded. The darkness of this place shall no longer touch you and as long as you lead the way, neither you nor your companions will lose the path_ -

From the expression on Kili's face she knows that he has heard the speech as well. The stag touches each of them with his nose and Billana feels warmth race through her. Then there is a splash from the river and he bounds away, gone as rapidly as he came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have a habit of getting away from me, don't they? Plucking elements from the books and movies is fun. I liked the bit with the boat in the book, certainly more than the weird vines over the river thing in DOS. Finding new ways to take Mirkwood is always hard, though.


	33. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes time to get everyone across the river

It takes time to get everyone across the river. The boat is only big enough for three of them at a time if they bring their packs with them and, while a quick trip for birds, dwarves are unaccustomed to rowing. Not to mention how much more awkward the task is when the boat has obviously been made for elves. Fili and Thorin cross first and alone, bringing Kili and Billana's belongings with them. Fili practically throws his brother's pack at Kili, who is already talking a mile a minute about the encounter the pair just experienced. Fili rolls his eyes, setting his pack and Billana's carefully away from the water, then shrugs off his coat. Billana hops down, already shifting back to her natural form as Fili wraps his coat around her.

She smiles gratefully, half listening to Kili as he talks and pulling her clothes back on quickly. The air around them is still full of the smell of decay, but the despair and self-doubt which had clung to her before meeting the stag has lifted. She feels more certain of herself as she pulls herself together, keeping Fili's coat wrapped around her for as long as she can and relishing the warmth and comfort of it until the boat carrying Dwalin, Balin and Ori arrives. Balin raises an eyebrow at her when he sees what she is still wrapped in, though he doesn't say anything, and she huffs before handing it back to Fili.

"Thank you," she mutters, checking to see what Balin is doing and then rising up so that she can kiss his cheek and lingering just a little bit longer than she should, especially when he turns his head just enough to catch her lips with his own.

Like the one she not long received from Kili, this is a sweet and gentle kiss and she relishes it as much as she would any other. There has been precious little time for any of them to be alone and while she is coming to know them among others, she wishes she could have the time to know them behind closed doors as well. It is something that she knows will have to wait. Especially when Thorin barks for Fili to help the last of their companions from the boat and orders _her_ to his side.

"Is what Kili just told me true?" He demands. "Did this beast truly gift you the ability to find your way in this pit?"

"Yes, but I have no idea if it will work," she stammers, concerned by the glare that he is directing at both of them.

She is already, however, beginning to truly notice the differences in the way that the forest looks and feels now that her mind is clear. It is still dank, dark and oppressive, but the bleak thoughts and irrational fears are quieter now and have returned to that deep place in the back of her mind where they usually lurk. Kili, too, seems to be feeling lighter than before, his shoulders aren't hunched and though he, like all of them, still looks tired there is a brightness to his eyes that she hadn't realised was missing. It makes the shadow in Fili's eyes all the more pronounced and worry niggles at her.

"I think it _will_ work," Kili says confidently. "Look at the path."

Billana follows his instructions. The brief look that she had taken before had allowed her to see that the road ahead was much the same as that they had already walked. It is in much the same condition, overgrown with thick weeds and the trailing roots of trees. Stones stick up at odd angles, lie on the road surface or are missing entirely. Even the odd sapling has popped up in the middle of it, though how _anything_ can grow in this place is a mystery to her. It is still a dark tunnel through the trees, but now the ground where the path should be seems to shimmer, as though the stones have been lit up from the inside.

"Do you see it?" Kili asks her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"I do," she breathes. "It's so _clear_."

"There is nothing 'clear' about it," Thorin grumbles, "from what I see before me, the path on _this_ side of the river will be even harder to follow."

"Then you should let us lead, Uncle," Kili suggests.

Thorin glares, then nods, issuing orders that the others gather their things so that they can get underway.

"Fili, stay to the rear," he instructs as the golden mage makes his way towards them, "make sure everyone keeps up."

Fili shoots them a brief look, but follows his uncle's orders. It remains this way for the days that follow; Kili and Billana lead the way, but Thorin always has Fili at the back. The few times one or other of them try to drift back to speak with him results in glares and barked orders from the dwarf king. Billana watches, however, with worried eyes as the rest of the Company begins to fall apart around them.

It doesn't seem like much at first. However, the longer they all spend under the trees, the more on edge everyone seems to become. It isn't until they begin to hallucinate that Billana realises that the problem is more drastic than they had thought. None of the rest seem to notice, and for the most part they're fairly simply things. Thorin argues extensively with Balin for an hour before Billana realises the not only is Balin _not_ answering, he is further down the line anyway and seems to be dancing a hobbit jig. Bifur flings his pack away from him with a garbled cry that Kili translates as meaning it is full of vipers. That one costs them food. The pack lands in another pool of the same swirling orange, red and black liquid as the eye she had seen on the statue when they entered the forest. Neither she nor Kili dares to attempt to retrieve it.

As they walk they come across more of the odd pools and it becomes an extra task to keep the others away from them. Periodically they will check on the rest, glancing over their shoulders to make certain that everyone is still present. For the most part they walk with their heads down in silence, although there are the occasional mumbles and hand gestures. Fili worries her the most. He watches them with an increasingly bleak expression, his eyes seeming to track her every movement until he notices that she is watching him. When she hears him yell, therefore, a few days after they have left the river, Billana rushes to him as quickly as she can regardless of Thorin's orders that she stay ahead. Fili has come to a halt and is staring in horror at a rotting tree stump. She almost thinks that he will collapse under the weight of the anguish on his face and though it would likely jar him out of his vision, she can see with only a glance down that it would be very bad. The very tip of his boot is touching the edge of one of those awful swirling pools, she doesn't want to think about what it might do to him if he were to fall into it. She grabs his arm, pulling, and he turns to stare at her, confused and afraid.

"What did you see?" She asks. He shakes his head. "The place is getting to us all, I just want to help."

"It doesn't matter," he insists, "it wasn't real."

"It matters," she tells him, but his face closes off and he refuses to meet her eyes. Billana sighs, then pulls him down so that she can brush her lips over his. He doesn't respond, just stares as though he is trying to work her out and doubt fills her. "We'll talk about it later," she says and rushes ahead.

She doesn't get the chance.

They realise that their supplies are lower than they had thought when they stop to make camp that evening. It becomes her job to keep proper track of the path while Kili attempts to find something, _anything,_ to hunt. While Kili's attention has drifted to the edges of the path, therefore, Billana finds herself forced to put all of her attention onto the the way ahead. She watches the others as much as she can, steering them clear of the swirling puddles when they crop up and day by day she sees Fili withdraw from her. He begins to avoid her eyes, even when they make camp, and flinch from her touch when she reaches for him. Still, she can _feel_ him glaring when she speaks with Kili or anyone else, though.

His odd behaviour makes dread clutch at her without the aid of the curse on this dismal place. Even Kili seems baffled by the odd behaviour. She begins to wonder if he is having second thoughts about courting her and nor would she blame him if he did. After all, she is little more than a hobbit with strange magic. The thought, however, that he may not want her anymore makes her blood run cold and her chest hurt. She reminds herself that this place is affecting them all and that it is more than likely showing Fili any number of terrible things. It is little comfort.

"This isn't like him," Kili says nearly ten days after their encounter with the stag. "He doesn't get like this," he waves his hand at Fili's scowling face and then gestures to Thorin. "He can be a bit of an idiot, but he normally gets to the point about whatever's bothering him quicker than this." She sighs.

"I just wish he would talk to me."

"He will," Kili assures her, "but remember that we were _all_ having some dark thoughts before we got this deep in. The curse on this place, whatever it is, is powerful. I know _I_ was imagining any number of ridiculous things. Give him time." She nods, Kili knows his brother better than she does after all, but she doesn't miss the way that he tries to confront Fili later that afternoon or that Fili pushes him away more viciously than he ever has.

Her chance comes that night. Billana is on second watch, though in the pitch black of Mirkwood at night she doubts that any of them can see anything. She is staring into nothingness, trying desperately to stay awake for just another hour. Second watch is the worst one, though she has only started taking any watches at all since they entered Mirkwood and they realised that the only one of them who might stand a chance of realising a threat is approaching is her. Everyone sleeps badly, but it is Fili that she notices tossing and turning, even though she cannot see him. He mumbles in his sleep and even though she cannot understand any of it she hears her name uttered in such a heartbroken tone that she has to wake him.

"Talk to me," she whispers once he is awake, "tell me what's going on." She takes his hand in hers and she doesn't know what he hears, but his answer comes as a complete surprise.

"I don't want your pity, Billana," he snarls, "if you don't want me just say and have done with it."

"What are you talking about?" She exclaims. "I wouldn't have accepted you, either of you, if I thought for a moment that I didn't want you! This isn't _pity,_ Fili, I'm worried about you." He snorts. "You've been cold and distant and angry since we crossed the river, I'm starting to think that you _regret_ asking to court me. I'm starting to think that it was just a bored _game_ to you."

"I would never think that," he tells her quickly. "If I hadn't been certain I wanted to court you I never would have asked."

"Then _what_ is going on?" She hisses. "You and Kili must have talked about it before you both approached me, if _I've_ done something to make you think I regret it you _have_ to tell me." She pauses. "I know this place is getting into everyone's head, but it seems to be worse for you. _Tell_ me, _please_." She takes his face into her hands, running cold fingers through his tangled hair. None of them have really had time to take proper care of themselves since they came in here and it is jarring to see someone who is usually so well put together as Fili looking so bedraggled as he does during the day.

"I can't be to you what Kili is," he mutters after a moment of silence. "I can't soar through the sky on raven's wings or promise you as much of my time and attention. Once we're in Erebor I'll have duties that will keep me until late in the evenings. Once I am king there will be more. I won't be able to take you out for the picnics you love or promise to be in your bed when you retire each night. It might be days where we hardly see or speak to one another."

"Oh, Fili," she breathes, kissing his forehead. "Of course you won't be the same to me as Kili is, but that doesn't mean I feel less for you. Kili can fly with me, but he can't heal. He doesn't understand the deep joy of being able to save one thought past hope or the agony of losing a patient that we thought might live. He wasn't the one who wrapped me and moved me after I healed the pony, and he probably only knew I would need the second bowl of breakfast because of you." He sighs. " _You_ were the one who knew there was something deeper behind what I said to Elrond and Thorin in Rivendell. You were the one who knew I would seek the two of you out. You were the one who gave me the comfort I needed."

"Any friend would do that," Fili points out.

"Maybe," she shrugs, "but I don't feel as safe and at home with my friends as I do with you and Kili. Even before we left my home I came to you both."

"You came to Kili," he mutters and she pulls a face.

"He was the one awake at the time," she shrugs. "And I certainly didn't intend on falling asleep." She can't see him, the night of Mirkwood is too dark for that, but she feels him shake his head from her the way her hands are still running through his hair. "I meant what I said by the stream, Fili," she tells him firmly. "I won't choose between you. It'll be both of you or neither of you. You don't get to decide it for me. If you both carry on the way you were before the river I think I could be entirely in love with you both before we even reach the mountain, just stop hiding things from me. I've never done this before, I've never felt so _much_ for anyone before, but I can't do it if you keep pushing me away. I'm frightened enough as it is, please don't make it worse by holding back. Just _tell_ me."

His hands find her cheeks in the darkness, although the way he seems to search tells her that he can see as little as she can. Then their lips meet and this kiss is harsh and desperate. Kili's passion often feels like he wants to eat her, _Fili's_ feels like he is trying to drag her soul out to mix it with his. It is powerful and consuming and she falls into it as though nothing else at all could possibly matter than this kiss and this moment. Nothing but this feeling matters, she thinks, and perhaps she isn't just on her way to being in love with him. Perhaps she already _is_ in love with them both. It's terrifying as a thought, and it makes her cling to him all the more when it occurs to her. His arms shift, wrapping around her and dragging her into his lap so that he can press her tightly against him and she allows it to happen. She can't think of anywhere else she would rather be or anything that would improve this moment. Not even Kili because, as much as she adores him, this moment is Fili's and Fili's alone.

"You really mean that?" He asks, almost in wonder, when their breath is coming in gasps. His head is against hers, his voice a broken whisper.

"Of course," she replies. "Stop carrying the world on your shoulders, Fili, talk to me or talk to your brother. Don't try to shoulder it all."

He crushes her to him again and they hold one another in silence for a moment.

"If you two are quite done," Dwalin grumbles from somewhere to her left, "some of us are trying to sleep."

"It's my watch now anyway," Thorin says from elsewhere. "Get some sleep, you two, we have another march ahead of us tomorrow."

"Move over," Billana whispers to Fili.

He shuffles to one side a little, apparently understanding her request without her having to say it, as reluctant to let go of her as she is of him. Billana knows that she should go back to her own blankets, Balin will be upset in the morning to find her in Fili's, but Kili is to the other side of her and she doesn't want to be anywhere other than with the pair of them right now. The stag's blessing may have protected her from the darkness of the forest, but it can't protect her from the doubts that fill the minds of the others and make them question themselves and her and their journey. This, however, lying between the two dwarves who care for her deeply enough to want to court her, makes her feel like she could face anything so long as she has the safety of their arms to return to. They lie together, Fili with his arm wrapped around her waist as he pulls her securely against him, his bedroll not truly big enough for the both of them, and his nose in her hair. Kili seems to sense her presence, sighing in his sleep and rolling closer and she drifts off in the warm hollow made by the way that their bodies wrap around her. For the first time since they entered Mirkwood nightmares do not plague her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that wouldn't end. It might get a bit odd in places. Somehow I've managed to mess up my bad shoulder again (probably from the DIY at the weekend) so I'm back on the really good painkillers until I can get to see my physio. Happy days. Also, for the record, I know exactly what was going on in Fili's head while all of this was going on and it will make it up into The Cutting Room Floor eventually, when I've gotten around to covering everything else up to this point. I have quite a few to get through. No doubt I'll manage it while putting off revising Exponentials and Logarithms because I hate them. Says the fool woman doing a maths degree. Carry on.


	34. A Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana wakes feeling more refreshed than she has in days

Billana wakes feeling more refreshed than she has in days, even with her night being split by the middle watch. She is warm and comfortable, her head pillowed on a firm chest and an arm about her waist. It is the feeling of fingers in her hair that has woken her, she can tell by the snores that much of the rest of the camp is alseep, and she twists her head so that she can look at Fili, who stills when he feels her move. He is looking at her with a kind of wonder on his face, as though he cannot quite believe that she is real. Maybe he can't.

It's early enough that the light has barely managed to cut through the thick tree cover, which means it's probably later than they would have left had they been outside the forest. There is no point in breaking camp when they can hardly see the hand in front of their face, they have learnt, and so they wait. Billana takes the opportunity to enjoy being held. She has spent most of her life longing to be touched like this, a gentle embrace or some small display of affection without the expectation of anything more. She smiles up at Fili, who grins back at her and it is the first true and unshadowed smile that she has seen on him since they entered Mirkwood. She leans up to kiss him, and he seems almost as surprised by that as he does to see that she is still sleeping beside him. He returns it, however, with enthusiasm and she idly muses that she could happily forget the quest and everything that goes with it and just spend the rest of her life here, like this, with Kili's arms around her and Fili's lips on hers. She would happily do it all the other way too, she thinks, she isn't particular about it.

"Where's mine?" Kili grumbles from behind her and she feels Fili smirk against her lips.

Billana pokes him in the ribs when he releases her, giggling when he retaliates and it is a moment of levity that she knows won't last. As soon as they all part and begin their day walking it will be time for the dark thoughts and hallucinations to creep in once more. Still, she twists enough to give Kili the kiss he requested and hears Balin clearing his throat meaningfully a moment later. She sighs.

"Good morning, Balin," she mutters.

"Get lost on the way back to your bed, lass?" He asks her pointedly.

"Yes," she replies. "It was pitch black and I was tired."

Which is true enough, but Balin shakes his head all the same. He does not, however, rebuke her as she had expected. He just ambles away muttering to himself and she realises that Mirkwood still has as much of a grip on him and the others as it did the day before. Even Fili's eyes look a little darker than they had a moment before and she slips her hand into his quickly, wishing that there was something she could do to prevent the curse on the forest from getting into his mind once more. He relaxes a little, the tension only noticeable because she is touching him and she promises silently that no matter what orders Thorin gives them today, Fili will be at her side with Kili, then she slips over to her belongings and packs them away quickly, strapping her short sword and the Miruvor to her hip before pausing.

Even though she has slipped into the habit of carrying the flask of elven cordial at her hip daily she hasn't dared to use it aside from that one sip under the Misty Mountains. She had almost forgotten that it was anything more than another small water flask and she internally berates herself as she considers it. She has no idea at all if it will help make the others a little more lucid, or if they will even drink it for that matter given the obvious origins of the stuff. She slings her pack on and wanders back over to Fili and Kili.

"What's that, Kitten?" Fili asks her, already watching Thorin warily.

"Miruvor," she replies, "the twins gave it to me in Rivendell for emergencies. It's some sort of healing elixir, I think. I thought it might help, but it's not the biggest flask and I don't want to waste it if it doesn't.

"You want to test it on Fili," Kili concludes softly and she nods.

"It might help," she offers Fili the flask. He looks at it warily before accepting. "Just a sip, though," she adds when he lifts it to his lips.

For a moment nothing happens and she worries that maybe the Miruvor won't help after all. Then his face changes, his eyes seem to light up again and he drags her in so that he can kiss her breathless as Kili plucks the flask from his hands.

"There isn't much here," he comments quietly once the pair have parted. "Even if we only gave them all a sip we would be lucky to get two or three days from it."

"We can't keep it to ourselves," she insists.

"We may have to," Kili replies. "If we start giving this to everyone and run out before we leave, we'll end up as we are right now anyway, but it will be that much more difficult to get everyone going in the right direction."

"He's right," Fili agrees. "The affects of this cursed place are still there, they just aren't as clear. I can actually _think_ for the first time in days, but I don't think it's going to last until we make camp tonight. I dread to think what they might conclude if we start giving them this and then run out after only a few days. I don't want to even _consider_ what they might try and _do_ because of it."

"What about Thorin?" Kili asks. "We should give him some at least."

"That might be best," Fili agrees. "But let me." Billana nods, watching Fili approach his uncle and begin talking to him quietly.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this before," she grumbles.

"It wouldn't have done any good," Kili shakes his head. "We just would have run out that much sooner." He watches his brother carefully as he gives Thorin the cordial. "I don't want him walking at the back today," he mutters, "I want to see how long this stuff lasts."

"I agree," she breathes, "but not quite for the same reasons." Kili shrugs at her and they wait to see what Thorin will decide now that his mind is a little bit clearer.

Sure enough, as soon as they are ready to begin walking once more Thorin orders Fili to the rear.

"No," she says before he can step away from her. She's trembling at the thought of being _so_ adamant that Thorin's order be ignored, but she cannot help but think that she should have argued with this decision sooner, regardless of the reasons. "He walks with me and Kili."

"What makes you believe you have _any_ say in the decisions I make for this Company?" Thorin sneers.

"By all means," she gestures to him, "lead the way, if Fili is not to be at the front with us, I will walk at the back with him. Kili can't exactly lead, he's too busy looking for food to supplement our supplies." In fact, if they do not find the way out in the next couple of days they will have nothing left at all.

"They need to be able to see how long this lasts," Fili points out, gesturing to the Miruvor that Billana has hooked back onto her belt. "They can't do that if I'm at the back."

Though Thorin's gaze is noticeably clearer than it had been, the Miruvor has obviously had less of an effect on him than they had hoped it would. Of the two, however, Fili is normally more forthcoming and so she would expect him to mention any changes that Thorin would neglect to bother with. They wait almost anxiously and Billana half expects Thorin to refuse the change anyway. Perhaps she could have disagreed with him differently, but she hadn't been certain they had the time for it. She still isn't sure of that.

"Dwalin! Make sure everyone keeps up!" Thorin orders after a tense moment and Billana lets out a relieved sigh. Thorin turns hard eyes on her. "Do not challenge me again," he snaps. "Get moving."

All three of them set off briskly, Billana still shaking as she clutches their hands in hers. She can feel Thorin glaring at the back of her head and any sense of ease from helping Fili fades away. Thorin isn't always easy to deal with, but she knows that she could have handled that whole situation better than she did. She has become so accustomed to fighting to keep them all moving in the same direction over the last several days that it had been automatic to react to Thorin in that way. However, she is glad that both Thorin and Fili are more lucid, especially an hour later when it becomes necessary to drag Dori back to his feet while keeping Gloin on the path. There are more of the odd swirling pools now, some of them on the trees in the same eye like form as the one on the statue, and it takes longer and longer each time to keep the others away from them.

"Has it been like this since we crossed?" Thorin demands a little later, his face troubled.

"It's been getting worse," Billana admits. "We would have turned back but our food was already so low that we figured our only hope was to get to the other side." Thorin nods.

"And you haven't found any game?" He presses.

Billana lets Kili handle that one. While she would normally baulk at using her abilities to find game, in this kind of situation Billana knows that they need every advantage that they can get. There is nothing large on this side of the river, aside from the stag that they encountered, and what little small life they have encountered has been no larger than a rat or squirrel and no good to eat at any rate. Too thin and sickly to bother wasting the arrows on. Besides, they have no means to cook it, even this side of the river the wood is bad. Her senses are jangling, however, even though she has kept as tight a lock on them as she can and limited her range to only a mile or so there is something on the fringes of it that screams at her to be wary. It strikes her as an almost acidic green streaked with silver and it feels wrong. More wrong than any of the other encounters she has had with strange creatures during this journey. At the moment it isn't close enough for her to worry, too far from the path and into the trees to cause them problems, but she has learnt not to rely on that as an indication of whether or not they might be safe.

It is a little after midday when Kili tells her that Thorin is showing signs that he is hallucinating again, and Fili quietly admits that the Miruvor is wearing off for him as well. It isn't as long lasting as she might of hoped, and Billana recites a few gentle curses under her breath. By Beorn's reckoning they probably still have a week in this Vána forsaken place, not that they have the food to make it through anyway, and the Miruvor will hardly last that if Fili and Thorin need up to three doses a day. She worries at a fingernail after passing the little flask to Fili so that he can take another sip and allow Thorin to do the same. It may well come down to them needing to limit how much they both take and she dislikes the thought.

She is still worrying over it when a sound reaches her ears that she hasn't heard in the forest before. A glance at the others shows that they haven't noticed it, but her hearing is better than theirs is anyway. She shifts her ears so that they are bat-like, hushing Thorin when he demands to know what she is doing, and listens. The unmistakable sounds of bows reaches her ears, as well as the thud of arrows finding their targets. There is also the lilting voices of elves as they give and receive direction, though they are mostly quiet, and the sound of blades sinking into something that crunches. She cannot feel the elves, but the sounds have them coming closer and with them comes that terrible feeling of acid and silver.

"Something's coming," she tells them as she hands the flask to Fili and turns her ears back. "Something awful, a lot of it. Make sure everyone gets a drop, we'll need our heads about us." She tells the golden mage and he nods, hurrying away to dispense the Miruvor. "There are elves with it, whatever it is, they're driving it this way."

"Is there any chance of avoiding it?" Thorin demands, already reaching for his sword.

"I don't think so, unless they change direction," she shakes her head. "I don't know if the stag's gift would still work if we left the road." She glances at Kili who shrugs and shakes his head.

Thorin grumbles under his breath, then marches back to discuss their options with a more aware Dwalin and Balin. Kili, on the other hand, pauses and sets his bow down, crouching so that he can shove a dagger that looks suspiciously like one the of the five the twins gave to Fili so far into his boot that it must be uncomfortable. He sees the way that she stares in confusion and gestures to hers.

"The elves will stop us and search us if they get chance," he tells her. "The ones here aren't as welcoming as those in Rivendell according to Uncle, it would be best if they didn't see it."

"Or get a chance to take it," Fili agrees, handing her the flask which is now alarmingly light.

He is also walking a little strangely, as though he has taken the chance to do the same as Kili. It isn't reassuring and if she couldn't feel the creatures that the elves are chasing getting closer, she thinks she might take the opportunity to fret a little bit. Fili, however, seems to realise what she is worrying over and takes her arm in his hand.

"Do you trust me, Kitten?" He asks her and she nods. She barely squeaks when he unbuttons her shirt, tugging it, her jacket and her pack down one arm so that he can use two leather cords to tie her little knife against the inside of her upper arm. Then he helps her to right herself and steals a quick kiss. "I doubt that they'll search you that thoroughly, but if they do at least it will be difficult to get it off you." He mutters.

"You seem very certain that they'll disarm us," she replies.

"I only know what Uncle has told us," he shrugs. "But it never hurts to be careful. Whatever it is that's coming, Billana, stay close to us."

A moment later a creature from her nightmares emerges from the trees and Billana decides she has no desire to anything _other_ than stay close to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Studying? What's that? I lie, I'd do it if a) this story would go a little quieter and b) the Manbeast would stop interrupting every five minutes about some thing or another. *sighs*


	35. Spiders and Elves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana has never liked spiders

Billana has never liked spiders. She has never been the sort to scream and flap around like some hobbits, but she's more likely to call out to some of her bird friends and advise them of where to find a meal than she is to want to share her space with one. The thing before her now, however, makes her rethink every bad tempered mumble she has ever given over the hobbits who scream and cry at the sight of one. It makes her think that somewhere out there is a spider-god who is cackling gleefully at this revenge against one who has sent so many of her children to their deaths. She stares out from between Fili and Kili in abject horror as it approaches, quaking at the sight of a spider that would easily fill the parlour of her little smial. Billana has faced orcs and wargs with no weapon other than her teeth, she has stood upon the knees of stone giants as they battled and she has faced trolls. She has never been more terrified than in this moment.

Fili and Kili are steady in front of her, arms raised and weapons in hand, but she hears more than one dwarf let out some oath or another. Kili doesn't let it get close, loosing an arrow as soon as he realises what she has been warning them about. It is one of the arrows he made while they were at Beorn's and he mumbles a word when it hits the spider. The massive creature seems to waver slightly, then it bursts, splattering the trees around it, several of their companions and another three spiders with its insides. Billana pulls a disgusted face, drawing her sword as the sense of wrong from the approaching spiders begins to overwhelm her. The elves are not chasing one or two of the things, there must be at least a dozen. Kili's next arrow misses when the spider he is aiming for turns suddenly and makes for Dori and Ori with alarming speed. Another drops from the trees and onto the path behind them, distracting Billana and Fili who spend a seeming eternity chopping off legs, avoiding ropes of webbing and grasping jaws that drip venom. She hears two more of the things explode while she and Fili are busy, along with the baffled voices of the elves as they arrive behind their quarry. Clearly they had not expected anyone to be using the road and there are some hard words exchanged when elf and dwarf cross paths and get in one another's way.

By the time the spiders are all dead Billana is exhausted. She, however, is better off than most of the Company and a lot of the elves. While all of the dwarves are tired, a third of them, Thorin included, are covered in spider entrails. Of the twenty elves, only one of them has avoided the same fate and he stalks towards Thorin with hard blue eyes and a grim expression. Next to her, Kili looks positively gleeful at the mess his arrows have created, but Fili is eyeing the elves warily.

"What are you doing here, dwarf?" The elf demands and Thorin bristles.

"Using the road," Thorin replies, his tone as scornful as the elf's.

"To go where?"

"It goes from one side of this damned place to the other, you work it out," Thorin sneers.

Fili makes a soft noise and puts his head into his hands, next to Thorin Billana sees Balin tilt his head back and she can well imagine his expression in that moment. The elf snaps an order to his companions and several raise bows while the others approach. The dwarves are good, but they are exhausted from the fight after days on low rations. If they retaliate they might take one or two elves with them, but their archers will have killed all of them before the Company can do much else.

"Put your weapons down," the elf orders. "I think it would be best if you came with us and spoke with our king. You will need to be disarmed, of course."

"And if we disagree," Thorin demands.

"You _will_ be coming with us," is the response, "whether willingly or by force."

There is a heavy pause, the other elves all have swords drawn and Billana watches Thorin from the corner of her eye even as she looks at the pale blond in front of her. There is none of the warmth in this one that she has seen in the eyes of the Rivendell elves. She regards the scene unfolding before her warily. If Thorin were an animal she would be able to see his fur standing on end. He radiates aggression towards these elves in a way that is almost overwhelming, all of the Company do and that includes Fili and Kili, though they were generally polite to the elves of Rivendell. She shifts nervously, leaning closer to Fili since she is still nearest to him, and the elf watching them turns his attention towards her, his eyes sharp.

"Remain still!" He orders.

"Leave her alone!" Kili retaliates, taking two quick steps back towards her. The other elves tense further and two more approach the three of them. 

"Enough!" Thorin bellows. "Do you honestly expect us to disarm and trust our safety to _you,_ elf?" He demands of the one he has been speaking to.

"I expect you to do what is best for your people," the elf replies. "Lord Thranduil no longer permits the use of this road through his realm. The question becomes how many of your people are you willing to sacrifice to avoid being disarmed and taken to him?"

They wait, watching as Balin leans in to mutter something softly. Billana can hear him well enough, though she doubts that the others can, which means that the elves will be able to hear him as well. Balin's words, however, are all in Khuzdul and even with the intermittent lessons from Ori she only catches the odd word. Finally, Thorin nods and, through gritted teeth, orders them to lower their weapons and hand them to the elves.

"Do _not_ lose these," Fili says as he hands his twins swords over. "My father made them and a great many unpleasant things will happen to the one who loses or damages them."

The elf looks startled, as though they cannot quite believe a prisoner would dare make such threats and Billana wonders if this one has ever had much occasion to deal with dwarves. It has quite the opposite effect on Billana, who grins widely. This is the most like himself that Fili has sounded in days and it is a relief to hear. She hands her sword to her own guard, who looks down at her with a contemptuously raised brow.

"And I suppose your father made this as well?" He mocks.

"Don't be ridiculous," she replies, seeing Fili and Kili tense at the tone. "I'm a hobbit, we don't make swords. It was, however, a gift from a dear friend."

Kili doesn't say anything as he hands over his bow. _That,_ at least, is treated with more care than the swords. Not satisfied with the weapons that have been handed over, especially with the abundance of belt knives and the axes that Fili wears strapped to the top of his boots, the elf in charge orders them all searched. The dwarves remain still, but that doesn't make them cooperative. Fili, especially, stands with a smirk on his face and his fingers looped into his belt as blade after blade is found and removed, including two of the daggers from the twins. Even the elves seem to be impressed with the number that they find and Fili retains his smug expression even when it seems likely that they have found all of them except the one in his boot. Kili just scowls, always having carried fewer weapons than his brother, allowing the elves to pull him around as they search him while keeping his head turned to watch _her_ carefully.

"Looks like the dwarves have got themselves a little camp-follower," one comments when he opens her jacket to check inside. He is speaking the elven tongue and she gasps in horror when she hears the words.

"Do dwarves _do_ that?" The one searching Kili replies. "I thought is was just the Men."

"We've evidence enough here," the one searching her says and she yelps when he grabs her arm harder than necessary.

"Get your hands off her!" Kili roars. She had no idea he understood the elves, but judging from the murderous look in his eyes he did so perfectly.

"Relax, dwarf," the one holding her sneers, "we have no interest in your playthings." Tears fill her eyes and shame floods her, especially when a glance tells her that all eyes are on them.

The elves are apparently done, however, having found only her useless pocket knife, which she had forgotten she even carried, and the flask of Miruvor. They are finished with Kili too, who quickly takes her into his arms as Fili glares at the elves with the kind of expression that speaks eloquently of slow and agonising death while seeming to fix their faces into his mind. A nervous expression flickers across the face of the one searching him, though he had not joined in the conversation, and that elf is quick to declare that he's done, picking up the collection of blades and striding away quickly.

"Are you alright, Kitten?" He asks. "Did they hurt you?"

"No," she whispers, though her arms throbs and their words echo in her mind.

She looks over at the elves who have taken their belongings. They are quiet now, but the one in charge is still watching them with narrowed eyes. Given what she knows of elven hearing, Billana suspects that his attention had been drawn long before Kili's shout and he has likely heard _everything_. Sure enough he stops the three of them and talks to them quietly, his whole demeanour exuding anger. Two of the three argue, their voices rising, until he cuts them off with an angry snarl.

"Enough," he snaps, still in his own tongue. "That you would even _consider_ such a comment shows that the curse on our home has begun to affect you. Once we have returned you will report to the healers."

Billana suspects he would not have said so much had he known that more than just one of their captives could understand him. It isn't something that would usually be admitted in front of prisoners. She shares a quick glance with Fili and Kili, wanting to see their reactions, when the ones rebuked acknowledge their orders with a bow and call their leader 'my prince'.

"Thranduil's son," Fili breathes, almost too quietly for her to hear. "That's going to make Uncle's mood _more_ foul than it already is." She stares at him, baffled by this confirmation of her suspicions and that they hadn't mention this sooner. "Uncle wanted to be sure that we would never be at a disadvantage when dealing with-" he gestures at their captors, correctly interpreting her expression. "He made sure we were taught."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asks after a pause as the elves order them all to form a line. The three of them are ignored aside from the odd curious glance in Billana's direction. Clearly the elves think that the older dwarves are more of a threat.

"Habit," Kili replies just as softly. "Our people keep a lot of secrets."

"And some just for the sake of it, apparently," she grumbles and Fili chuckles.

"We speak it better than we read it," he admits and she huffs, well remembering her assumption that they wouldn't know how the twins had addressed their parting gifts.

She waves it off, taking their hands when offered until they are all ordered to stop talking and keep moving in single file. She hates that she cannot be near them, and that she has been completely separated from Balin as well, and for a moment she debates changing form and hiding herself on one or other of them. A glance at the trees that surround them, however, makes her reject that idea. There must be untold numbers of those spiders out there judging by the wary glances of their escort and she has no intention of making herself an easier target than she already is. The pace increases as it becomes clear that night is approaching, the elves clearly not outfitted for such an event, and she follows as quickly as she can, her lungs burning as she all but runs to keep up with everyone. Even the dwarves have fallen silent, though she suspects that one or two of them are considering sitting down in protest. She notices, however, that as they run the forest begins to look different, colourful, as though they are moving into a healthy section. In fact, a quick look around shows tendrils of darkness that reaches up from the leaf litter towards the trees, winding in crazed lines up the trunks. Whatever has caused the curse is advancing.

Finally, as night falls, they find themselves stood before a great gate into the underground halls of the Elven King of Mirkwood. They all pause and Billana entertains the momentary though that should she enter, she might never leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have nothing to really say, except that most of this was thought up while painting. Fumes. And the elves aren't completely immune to what's happening in Mirkwood, it just seems to take longer.


	36. Elven King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana is surprised when the entire Company is led to the elf king's throne room.

Billana is surprised when the entire Company is led to the elf king's throne room. She had half expected that they would be taken straight to the dungeon rather than being presented to Thranduil covered in filth as they are. An elf, that can only be the king, sits upon a high throne. Were Billana tall enough to see him clearly she might be intimidated by that, but as it stands she is too tired and too sore to much care about whether the elf is situated as he is the gain the upper hand or not. She just wants to rest, clean up and go on her way. A decent meal or two wouldn't go amiss either.

"Has the line of Durin sunk so low," the elf says as he makes his way down the stairs that lead to his throne, "that they would trespass upon a forbidden road through a cursed realm? Your goal must be of great value indeed, to risk your life and those of your companions, Thorin Oakenshield."

"We are merely attempting to reach my cousin in the Iron Hills," Thorin replies stiffly, falsehoods do not sit well with him, she has learnt. "We had no idea that you had cared so poorly for your realm."

"As if _you_ are in any position to criticise," Thranduil mocks and the dwarves shift.

He is close enough now for Billana to see him properly and she studies him curiously. Most of the elves in Rivendell seem to have dark hair. All of the elves that she has seen so far in Mirkwood appear to be blond and their king is no exception, though his hair is so pale as to be almost silver. His eyes are as cold and blue as those of his son, though they lack the rich warmth of Fili and Thorin's, and he has the angular features of all elves. He wears robes that flow more than the kind preferred by Elrond and the twins, when they are at home, and upon his head is a crown. This crown is a far cry from anything that she might have expected or imagined, not a circlet or even a heavy thing of gold and gems. Instead it is made up of twisting branches that seem to form antlers and it reminds her somewhat of the stag that she and Kili encountered by the river.

Thranduil, however, entirely lacks the gentleness of that creature.

There is a moment of silence, as though the elf king is waiting for Thorin to respond. When the dwarf doesn't speak he turns cold eyes onto the rest of them, apparently waiting to see if they have anything to add or can be intimidated into giving him the answers he wants. They remain silent, but instead of frustration she sees a satisfied gleam in his eyes as he comes to his own conclusions.

"It is not difficult to guess your true destination, Thorin," he purrs. "You carry no goods, take a desperate risk on a treacherous path, and your companions are quite the most ragged bunch I have ever seen. Clearly, this is a journey that even the majority of your own people believed to be too risky to contemplate having a part in. You can, therefore, only be going to _one_ place. Tell me, how do you plan on dealing with the dragon when even your army and your high walls and stone gates could not keep him out?"

The question is met with more silence and it occurs to Billana that none of them have actually considered _this_. Should Smaug _be_ awake, or should her search wake him, how _will_ they handle it? Or perhaps, that treacherous part of her mind whispers, that is why _she_ was chosen in the first place. She has always been expendable in the eyes of the Shire, this situation can hardly be any different. The warmth of Fili and Kili at her sides, however, immediately make her feel guilty for even considering such a thought. _They_ do not see her as expendable in the slightest. The fact that Mirkwood used Fili's fear that he would lose her entirely to Kili, that she had simply been humouring him because she didn't know how to refuse him, is proof enough of that.

"We have no need of such a plan," Thorin replies through gritted teeth, "because Erebor is _not_ our destination."

"A pity," Thranduil sighs, "truly, for if it _were_ , I might consider offering you the aid you so obviously need. For suitable repayment of course. There are a great many gems in that mountain which I desire and I know for a fact that there is one which calls to _your_ heart in there as well. Come, let us be reasonable and strike an honest bargain."

That is the moment when Billana finally understands why they have _all_ remained here instead of being taken straight to the cells. Thranduil means to use their presence as leverage against Thorin, in the hopes that he will strike a bargain so as not to lose face with his companions and subjects. It won't work. Thorin is too proud for that, and he has ample reasons to distrust Thranduil besides. Sure enough, Thorin begins to laugh and the sound is dark and bitter.

"I would not trust the word of Thranduil of _Mirkwood_ ," he scoffs, "for all the gold and gems in Erebor! Where were your armies when Smaug _came_? Where was your offer of aid when my people were _starving_ on the road? I would be dead a thousand years before I _ever_ considered _any_ offer from one such as _you_." There is a beat.

"Very well," Thranduil says, his face still blank but for two minute points of colour in his cheeks that betray his fury. "Let us see if some times in the cells will give you cause to reconsider." He waves a hand. "Take them."

"My Lord," his son steps forward. "The cells are already- Perhaps it would be better to send them on their way?"

"Oh," Thranduil smiles and it is a chilling thing. "I am certain we will have ample space for them, though some may have to share." He arches an eyebrow at the Company. "Perhaps a century in tight quarters will incline your king towards changing his mind," the elf says, then wrinkles his nose. "Do make sure that they have water for washing," he adds. "It wouldn't do for everyone else to suffer the smell. I don't imagine it would do their fragile sanity any good at all."

He flicks his hand and the Company are all led away. Balin is already hissing furiously at Thorin as they walk, obviously trying to convince his king to change his mind, and the trip to the cells is long enough for that conversation to begin and halt before it is completed. Billan doesn't listen, choosing to concentrate more on the corridors in the hope that she might spot enough details to find her way later. She has no intention of spending the rest of her life locked up simply because Thorin is feeling stubborn.

It isn't long before she realises that there are very few identifying features to this place and that she is as lost as the rest of them. She does note, however, that they seem to be spiralling downwards.

The first thing she notices when she reaches the cells is that the lights, all of which are torches, are spaced out more than she suspects is normal. The second is that there aren't as many cells as she might have expected there to be. The third is that over half of them are occupied and of those the occupant of every one is an _elf_.

"Thranduil must truly have lost his mind if he has taken to locking up his own people," Thorin comments.

"Hold you tongue, _dwarf_ ," the prince snaps, "and do not speak of that which you cannot possibly understand." Thorin sniffs, seeming to draw himself up to respond.

"Legolas, _please_?" A red-head says as they walk past. The elf prince turns away his expression uncomfortable. "My Prince!" She cries, reaching a hand through the bars and Bofur, who is closest, draws away with a shout. Her arm is covered with a spiralling red and black mark that seems to shift and swirl in much the same way the puddles Billana had seen outside do.

"These are the ones who have spent the longest fighting against the curse upon our home," Legolas says finally. "And as it has twisted what was once the Greenwood, so it has twisted _them_. Their minds and their bodies," he gestures to the mark as the elleth withdraws again. "They are beyond the help of our healers."

Billana watches the elleth as they pass, moving to one side slightly. She rocks in her cell now and Billana can hear her muttering to herself. She doesn't completely understand the elf, much of her words are in a dialect that she has never heard, but what she _does_ follow makes her blanch and turn away.

"Are they dangerous?" Kili asks, apparently having heard much the same as Billana.

"She tried to kill my father," Legolas replies, and Thorin snorts. Billana suspects that he is likely wishing the elleth had succeeded. "You have seen the fiery eyes and the swirling pools?" He asks and Billana, Kili and Fili confirm that they have. "Her arm was caught by one of them, as eventually happens to all of those touched too deeply by the curse. My father pulled her out and she would have killed him for it had we not subdued her. All here have been touched by that _thing_ , they are too dangerous to be allowed free."

"Why not put them out of their misery?" Oin asks. "If your healers cannot save them this cannot be any sort of existence."

"Could you?" The prince responds.

Billana, however, is looking at Fili in horror, realising just how close they came to losing him had she not pulled him away from one such pool when she had. She grips his hand tightly as they approach the empty cells and he squeezes in return. They are gradually shut away in groups of two and three, those at the back first, and the elves say nothing further as they lock the cell doors. Billana darts in with Fili and Kili, though the elf escorting them had been prepared to lock the door behind the two of them, having no desire to end up in a cell with Oin and Gloin. Besides, she will be able to change form and slip out more easily with Fili and Kili around, they will be better able to cover her absence. The elf looks at her and arches an eyebrow, then shrugs and continues along with the rest.

Her attention, which should be on listening to see how many more doors are locked, is taken by Fili and Kili who both seem to grunt and stagger against the wall. She makes an alarmed sound, noticing them both pale slightly and then Fili lets out a small yell of pain.

"Dampening spells in the stone," Kili mumbles, obviously trying to call on his own gift.

"We should have felt them as we walked in," Fili replies, his tone as tense as his brother's.

"Obviously, they have them set up so that they don't fully activate until the door's _locked_ ," Kili replies in exasperation, sharper with his brother than she has ever heard him be before. She looks at her nails, concentrating just enough to turn them into claws and back again, then sees them both watching her. She mumbles an apology, sitting next to Kili though she doesn't dare touch either of them for fear of hurting them. "Wild magic," Kili laughs softly, "you can't shut it off."

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"The cells have dampening spells built into them," Fili explains, leaning his head against the wall, "probably because almost every elf has some measure of the gift. It's easier to put permanent measures in place to shut it off than to put temporary dampeners up every time."

"They've taken it?" She tilts her head.

"They lock it away," Kili explains. "I could probably lift the one on this cell for a time, _maybe_ , but it wouldn't do us any good because Fili can't use any of the blasting spells we would need to open that door. Even if Balin were in the cell next to ours I couldn't do anything to help him without lifting the spells on this one first."

"Which would leave you unable to help Balin anyway," she concludes and he nods with a tight smile.

"Besides, it would make too much noise," Fili says. "Especially with that lot in here. I imagine they keep a fairly close eye on them all."

"So, how are we going to escape?" She asks and they both look at her. "Oh."

"We know it's a lot to ask," Kili says quickly. "If there was anything else we could do-"

He doesn't need to finish, because she knows how stuck they are as much as he does. Billana will need to be the one to find a way out of this mess unless Thorin changes his mind and the likelihood of that is slim. No pressure, she thinks. Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get used to the daily updates again, this one yelled at me until I got it done. Such is life.


	37. In the Cells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exhaustion hits quickly once they are sat down

Exhaustion hits quickly once they are sat down, too many days of walking on short rations catching up rapidly. To their credit the elves bring them a meal of cold meat, fresh bread and cheese fairly swiftly and Billana is not the only one to fall on her meal as though she has not eaten in days. She takes some of the bread and cheese after a moment, wrapping it an unused handkerchief from the bottom of her pocket, and sets it to one side to hide later. She flushes when she catches Fili and Kili watching her and looks away.

"Billana?" Fili sets his meal aside and reaches for her, though the movement is obviously difficult for him.

"Ignore me," she whispers, "I'm being ridiculous."

"Tell us," Kili replies, though there is a gleam in his eyes that tells her that he might already have guessed what she is doing.

"Camellia didn't always let me eat," she breathes after a moment, "between the days when Gandalf turned me back and when she-" she stops and takes a shaky breath. Kili takes her hand and nods, he remembers what she told them and she can see that Fili does as well. "She locked me in my room and would pass food in. I got in the habit of keeping some just in case and- I know this isn't the same thing and I doubt the elves will forget us, I just _did_ it." There is a moment of silence, then Fili passes her his bread and Kili does the same with his cheese. She stares at them.

"It isn't the worst idea," Fili replies. "You're right, I doubt the elves _will_ forget about us, or feed us less than two meals a day, but you're going to be the one we're relying on to find a way out, and that's going to mean shape changing. You'll need the extra energy."

After so long without proper food she doesn't want to deprive them of anything that they are being given, but Fili's words make sense and the niggling doubt about whether the elves really _will_ remember to feed them lingers. It brings with it the fear that Fili and Kili will realise she isn't what they thought, she isn't the future wife that they wanted because she has been too damaged by the actions of others. They don't mention it again, however, which she is glad of, and the three of them finish eating in silence. Once they're done the question of sleeping arrangements arises. Billana hadn't really thought about it when she darted in behind them, just knew that she would feel safer in with Fili and Kili, and that it would be easier to work something out for an escape if she was with them. Admittedly, she had relied on the fact that none of the elves had asked about any of the others being gifted and had hoped that they would be able to use that to their advantage, but now that they cannot she will simply have to come up with something else. So long as her magic still works there is always a chance that she will be able to find the keys and find a way out. Before she does any of that, however, she needs to sleep and while curling up with Fili and Kili has happened in the past it has always been surrounded by others. Even though the rest of the Company is nearby, however, in this cell they are completely alone with only the occasional scream from one of the captive elves to disturb them.

"I don't suppose they had the decency to leave us any blankets?" Fili asks as he sets his plate near enough to the door that it can be retrieved. Kili, who is nearer to the back, shakes his head.

"I get the feeling we were lucky to be left with a bucket," he comments, and Billana shudders.

The fact that she is exhausted, however, and a desire to be warm and comfortable while she sleeps wins out over concerns about propriety. She wouldn't be in this cell if she were truly concerned about that anyway, she would still be in the Shire desperately trying to prop up a crumbling smial. There is, though, the question of whether she should even _touch_ either of them. Their discomfort, though they try to hide it, is clear and has been since the spells that lock away their gift were activated. Both of them move that little bit slower and their words are measured, their tones tightly controlled. If she weren't worried about what the elves might see were they to look in, she would turn into a wolf and curl up, her fur providing warmth and maybe a little comfort to her companions. She doesn't want the elves to see or know, because they will surely find some tiny room to lock her in and keep a close enough watch that not even a mouse could get past them. Fili has other ideas, however, tugging her close to him and tucking her against his side. Kili shifts from his position across from them, sitting on her other side. The effect is twofold, the first being that she finds herself immersed in the heat that they radiate and the second that she assumes she is now completely hidden from view of the door by simple virtue of the fact that they are both that much taller and bulkier than she is.

"Go to sleep, Kitten," Fili mutters, though he doesn't do much more than run a light finger up her arm. "We can work everything else out when we wake."

Kili mumbles something, already almost asleep, his head tilted back against the wall and one of her hands lightly gripped in his. She falls asleep almost as quickly, the problems of escape and the future can wait until morning. She knows as well as anyone that very little is accomplished well when a person is too tired to really see straight.

Billana wakes to the clatter of metal plates on the stone floor and she peers around Fili's sleeping form to see that an elf has let them breakfast and is peering through the bars with his nose wrinkled in utter disgust. At first she thinks it is the sight of the three of them curled up as they are, Kili having moved in the night to lie with his head in her lap and his arm tight about her waist as she rests against Fili. Then she hears him mutter about the _smell_ and she realises that even though Thranduil may have ordered that they be provided with water for washing after being locked away, such a provision was never made. The elf moves on and she relaxes back a little only to notice that Fili has opened his eyes and is looking at the gate with a gaze that seem to burn with hate. Billana cannot even fault him it, though she has maintained whenever the subject came up that a distrust and animosity built on events lost to ancient history is a foolish thing to cling to, the elves here havw earnt every bit of scorn that the dwarves direct at them.

Breakfast, she notices, is a thin porridge that is almost tasteless when they eat it. It is filling, however, and warmer than she had expected given that it must have come from the kitchens. They share two of the three tankards of water, setting the other to one side for later, and then begin to quietly plan their next course of action. First, of course, will be to make sure that they know where everyone else is. There's no point in coming up with an escape plan only to discover that the elves have separated them all. Once they know where everyone is, they can work on the next part, which partially involves working out how often guards go past the cells. Billana is quick to turn into a cat, taking out the braid and beads that mark her as dwarf friend and handing them to Fili but not bothering to undress. Kili asks if she can go smaller still but the smaller she goes the longer it will take her to cover whatever ground she needs to, and she wants to get this part done quickly. She winds around their legs for a moment, affection coming more easily when she isn't in her natural form, then darts between the bars of the cell and begins in the direction she knows the elves had led the rest of the Company the day before.

She finds them quickly, Bifur and Bofur are in the next cell along and Bombur has managed to get one to himself after that. Ori, Oin and Gloin are all crammed in together, none looking particularly happy about the arrangement, and she bounds past without stopping to speak. Sensitive ears pick up a small groan from the next cell, Dwalin's voice and she wonders if he had been hurt during the fight with the spiders. She peers into the cell, sharp eyes quickly spotting the large dwarf standing with his back against the side wall. Nori is kneeling in front of him, hands resting on Dwalin's hip and head moving. It isn't until he pulls away that she realises what's going on and had she been in her natural form she knows she would be blushing from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes. Cats, however, don't feel embarrassment and the form she takes always has some small affect on her mind. She tilts her head curiously as Dwalin drags Nori back to his feet to kiss him, then realises what she's doing and races past before they can notice her.

Balin and Dori are in the cell after and she moves to continue forward only to realise that she has run out of places to look. Thorin is not with them in this part of the dungeons and panic grips her for a moment. There is nothing that can be done, however, and the only ones who might have an inkling about what happened to Thorin are Balin and Dori, so she eases back towards their cell. Neither of the cell's occupants notice her as she squeezes in through the bars, both leaning against opposite walls. Balin looks as drawn as Fili and Kili, so there must be dampening spells on this cell as well, and Dori has a pinched look on his face that she has come to recognise as the expression he gets when he is particularly concerned about something.

"Do you think they'll be alright in together?" Dori asks. "My sister and your brother, I mean." She pauses in the act of changing to add hobbit vocal cords and speaking abilities to her cat form, something that can be done with difficulty if it needs to be, as far as she knows Dori doesn't have a sister.

"He's been pining after Nori for years," Balin assures his friend, "why do you think she never stayed in any of the cells all that long?" Dori grumbles something. "I'm more concerned about Billana shutting herself in with Fili and Kili."

"I'm sure she will be well looked after," Dori soothes, "those lads adore her, we all see it and have since the Shire. She's in love with them as well, you know, or well on her way to it." She squirms a little uncomfortably at that, not sure how happy she is that the others can read her so well when _she_ isn't even ready to admit the depths of her own feelings.

"How is it that none of you realised that Kili's more powerful than he looks, but all of you can see that?" Balin demands.

"Because we weren't looking for Kili's gift," Dori shrugs, "Thorin has all of Ered Luin fooled with that. But all of Ered Luin has also been waiting for those boys to stop playing games and settle down. There are going to be a lot of very disappointed lads and lasses when we get back." Balin grunts.

"She's a hobbit," Balin says just as Billana is getting up the courage to speak. Something on Dori's face shifts. "I expected her to turn them both down, or rethink it after a few days."

"This is about Amethyst, isn't it?" Dori asks. "You can't hold Billana to that standard, you know, I think we've seen enough to prove that she's not your average hobbit."

"I know she isn't, if we'd had time I-" he rubs his hand over his face. "We didn't so it doesn't matter. But normal hobbit or not, she's still a hobbit and she'll have _no_ idea what she's in for. Hobbits don't usually even consider courting outside of their own kind and those that do are outcast for it."

"Amethyst wasn't," Dori points out.

"Amethyst 'saw the error of her ways'," Balin replies bitterly. "I know Billana won't, I just worry whether she'll be truly happy going so against her people like that."

"That's something to discuss with her, don't you think?" Dori asks. "She wasn't happy among her people, old friend, that much was obvious before we left. Her home was neat and clean, but it was in worse condition than the house I grew up in, and you know how bad that was." Balin hums. "If you're _that_ worried talk to her once we're out of here."

" _If_ we get out of here," Balin corrects.

" _When_ we get out of here," Dori continues. "Thorin will give in eventually," Balin snorts. "We can dream." Dori shrugs.

"Or the boys and I could come up with something," Billana says finally. She is hurt, naturally, that Balin doesn't trust that she knows her own heart, but there are more important things to worry about than falling out with him because he thinks she'll regret opening her heart to Fili and Kili.

"Billana?" Dori exclaims, staring at her.

"Did we know you could do this, lass?" Balin asks.

"No," she jumps onto Dori's knee, kneading at his leg a little before sitting. "I don't like doing it, it's a drain, but better than sitting here naked."

"I can agree with that," Dori says, "these cells aren't exactly warm. How long were you there?"

"Long enough," she replies and Balin bows his head. "Why didn't you tell me Nori's female?" She asks curiously.

"It isn't done," Dori replies, fingers digging into her fur. "Our 'dams usually stay _in_ the mountains because they're so rare, when one leaves they usually do so under a male disguise. It was up to Nori to decide to tell you, not me." Billana sighs.

"I don't suppose it matters really," she says. "There are more important things to worry about. Like finding out what they did with Thorin."

"They took him deeper, lass," Balin tells her. "We heard that much, but _where_ in this maze I couldn't tell you."

"I'll need to find him before I can find us a way out," she replies. "But I haven't a clue how. I can't smell anything down here except elf and the rest of the Company, we don't exactly smell like roses, and I can't find a way out until I know that we can _all_ get out."

"The elf prince might know," Balin mutters, "but it's dangerous, I'm not sure I'm happy with you taking the risk."

"No one else can," she points out. "Kili says all of the cells have dampening spells on them. Even if he could lift the one on our cell, he says it wouldn't do any of us much good."

"He's right," Balin admits, "which is why I'm only going to ask that you be careful."

"I'll have to take a couple of risks, we won't get out of here if I don't."

"I know," he holds his hand out and she pads over to him, "but nothing unnecessary. There are other ways to get out of here, Billana, even if it means having to ask Fili to go against Thorin, don't risk your life for us."

She rubs her head against his hand briefly, not able to stay angry with him when he is obviously so worried, then she bounds back out of the cell. She needs to tell Fili and Kili what she's found and work out where to go from here. It's one thing to plan an escape when they are all in one place, but with Thorin's location unknown things have suddenly become even more difficult than they already were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, in the other source the girl with Wild Magic can add her own voice to her animal form. It's not something that I pulled out of thin air. Also, sorry for any weird bobbles (do tell me so that I can correct them if you find them) cold meds and sinuses so swollen that they're making my teeth hurt have left me a little bit out of it. Writing is what I do to take it easy.
> 
> In other news, I was looking at my original chapter plans for this fic. This chapter should have been chapter 23, I'm not sure how I ended up so badly misjudging how long it was going to take me to tell this story, given that I know I aim for a chapter length of somewhere around 2k, but there we go. I'm about three quarters of the way through (maybe a little less) and I'm definitely going to go over my plan of 42 chapters. It was also summarised as "I'm a mouse and there's nothing the poncy elf king can do about it", so Billana is definitely being influenced by those dwarves.
> 
> As for Nori, I don't even know. My fics always have some element of Dwalin/Nori because I'm pathologically incapable of shipping them with anyone else (aside from a passing Dwalin/Thorin phase that rears its head every now and then). Nori has never been a girl before, I needed another girl for something coming up, it didn't have to be Nori, but Jimiel told me to


	38. Baths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana hurries back to her cell quickly.

Billana hurries back to her cell quickly, muttering to herself about how difficult everything about this quest has been. It's going to be difficult enough to find a way out, without having to find the missing member of their Company as well. Fili and Kili are waiting for her, leaning on the bars in such a way as to almost completely obscure the view into the cell, their backs to the walkway so that it looks as though they are talking to a third occupant rather than just quietly between themselves. For a moment she debates stopping to listen, but she has learnt that not everything she has overheard today has been to her benefit. She still isn't quite sure what to make of Balin's concerns about her feelings, though she is growing more certain as time passes that she is in love with both of the princes, or the fact that the rest of the Company seems to have been aware of it before her. She shoves it all to one side in favour of the more immediate task of retaking her own form and telling them what she has learnt.

Her mind, however, refuses to focus and her distraction is less about Balin and Dori's conversation and more about what she saw happening between Dwalin and Nori. Thinking on it, she can't see the appeal of it, but it had been just as obvious that both dwarves involved had been enjoying themselves. She shakes her head and forces herself to focus on Fili as he speaks, refusing to let her mind wander down the path that questions whether such an action would be something _he_ would enjoy. Her mind, however, refuses to stay on topic and she finds herself watching both of them as her mind turns curiously.

"Billana, are you alright?" Kili asks, breaking her out of her trance. She blinks at him almost owlishly. "Did something happen?" Her cheeks flare and her lips move but no sound comes out.

"You saw something, didn't you, Kitten?" Fili says, his gaze moving over her to take in her flushed cheeks and wide eyes. "Tell us," he almost orders and she knows that she shouldn't, but she finds herself obeying all the same.

They both watch her with darkening eyes as she explains what she saw happening between Dwalin and Nori.

"You're curious," Kili grins when she is finished.

"I didn't say that," she replies quickly, the tremor in her voice betraying the lie.

"You didn't need to," Fili's eyes run over her face as Kili pulls her to them, "it's there for the world to see, Kitten." Kili's hands seem to dance over her as he spins her so that her back is against his chest. "I promise, once we're free, we'll find a warm, comfortable bed and teach you _everything_ that you want to know." He arches an eyebrow at his brother, obviously of the opinion that it might be best for the discussion to end. "For now-"

"I'm sure there are a few things we could show her now," Kili interrupts, lips brushing her neck and he is clearly of a different opinion to his brother, his hands still tracing patterns on her stomach, though he has lifted her shirt so that the tips of his fingers dance over bare flesh.

"There are," Fili says after a moment of hesitation, leaning in so close that their lips are almost touching. "Do you _want_ that, Billana?" She takes a sharp breath as Kili's fingers dip lower still and his teeth graze the soft skin of her shoulder, but Fili refuses to close the distance between them, waiting for her to answer him.

"Show me," she whispers, and this time he doesn't hesitate.

Later they curl together in a corner, Billana dozing lightly between them both and her thoughts filled with the way they have spent the last few hours. Little wonder her mother threw sense and caution to the wind if she experienced _half_ of the sensations Billana just did. She is still musing on it when a fist clashes against the door to the cell and she startles as Fili and Kili tense. The elf prince is stood looking at them, sneer clear on his fine features.

"The hobbit female comes with me," he declares. Billana shrinks back as her companions get to their feet to stand in front of her. Oddly, Legolas' expression softens minutely. "We've had complaints about the _smell_ ," he says. "There isn't much that can be done about the natural stench of dwarf, but we can at least get rid of the spider entrails. That requires more than a _bucket_ , if you wish to clean up, you will come with me. I cannot promise my people will continue to feed you should you decide to remain as you are."

There is an opportunity here, Billana thinks, to see more of this place. She may not go further than a guest room with a bath, but it will give her a better idea of the layout and every little piece of information will help her when it comes to planning an escape later. She cannot say as much to Fili and Kili, but she squeezes past them, turning pleading eyes on them when they try to stop her and mouthing at them to trust her. Her knife and beads are still tucked safely in Fili's pocket, and would do her no good at any rate, and both of them nod tersely before easing away from the door. It will do no good to rush Legolas once the door is open, he has four others behind him which clearly means that he is expecting trouble of some kind from the dwarves as she is released. That won't do the Company any good either, this is not the time or place because even if they _did_ overwhelm Legolas by the time they had convinced him to take them to Thorin the alarm will have been raised and they would still be without an escape route.

"If _anything_ happens to her-" Kili warns.

"She will be returned to you," Legolas replies, "and in better condition than she is now. Though why she would _wish_ to be is beyond me."

Billana steps out of the cell quickly, warmed by Kili's need to protect her even though she knows how futile it all is. She also spares a moment to be thankful that the elf prince and his guard had not approached any earlier, she doubts she would have survived the mortification. She waits expectantly for the elf to guide her and follows in silent obedience as she takes in as much as she can. She is led past the others, not back past the captive elves as she had assumed she would be, and with each cell they pass her companions come to the gate to demand to know where she is being taken. Dwalin goes as far as to throw himself at the door, grunting when it does little more than clang, while Nori watches through narrowed eyes. Balin is the one who surprises her the most, however.

"Where are you taking my daughter?" He demands and they all pause, though one of the guard sniggers and mutters that the dwarves must still be addled by the forest.

"She is a hobbit," Legolas points out, "I see nothing dwarf-like about her."

"Do elves not adopt?" Balin responds reasonably.

"We never have reason to," is the reply, but Billana knows that isn't exactly true. "You have claimed her as your kin?"

"Aye," Balin says slowly, with a quick glance at her. Billana keeps silent, she isn't sure what Balin hopes to gain by this, but she will let it play out all the same. "So, I'll ask again, where are you taking her?"

"To bathe," Legolas says. "Everyone will get the chance, of course, but I thought I would do her the courtesy of going first. As her father, of course, if you should wish to join her-"

"No," Balin says after a beat, "my brother's wife, the red head next door, should go with her."

Legolas nods to one of the guards and two of them go back a few paces to the next cell. There is a moment and Billana half expects Nori or Dwalin to attack the elves, but obviously the discussion has been loud enough to be heard, because Nori approaches with the two elves on either side. Her expression is guarded as she comes to stand beside the hobbit, but Billana doesn't miss the movement of Balin's hands or the way that Nori wiggles her fingers in return.

"I'm going to kill him," she hisses to Billana as they walk, "I hope you don't mind being orphaned a second time."

"Why do you think I didn't want to be locked in with him?" She asks, deciding to give the elves the impression that there is some minor disagreement happening. "He's been so over protective since Fili and Kili-" she pauses when Nori glances down and moves the collar of her shirt slightly with a wide smirk.

"I can't imagine _why_ ," she comments dryly and Billana flushes. "Soon as we get in there you can tell your Auntie Nori _all_ about it."

To Billana's surprise she sees their guard blush. That seems to be enough for the dwarf who cackles gleefully at the sight, only to be hushed impatiently by Legolas. Billana, however, notices another noise as they take a turn. It is distant, and in the opposite direction to the one that they are being led in, but it is something she knows she will need to investigate. She glances up at Nori, who seems to be watching where they are being led intently, and fixes this place in her mind. She may have to follow later when the elves bring the others this way if she cannot find the opportunity when they are bathing. They pause outside a door, one that is clearly to another cell, though this is solid with only a small opening at the bottom and a barred window at the top. She shares a glance with Nori as the door is pulled open, concerned that this is another ploy by the elves, only to be met with the sight of a large tub filled with steaming water.

"Pass your clothing under the door, it will be cleaned and returned to you," Legolas instructs. "The door will be locked behind you and you have fifteen minutes."

"I take it back," Nori says as they hear the door shut, "I won't kill Balin, just hurt him a little bit."

She removes her clothes quickly, pulling a number of small knives out of hidden pockets and placing them inside her heavy boots along with a pouch of coins. Billana isn't as quick to undress, and she doesn't have any coin or blade to hide either, but she is still unsure about being naked in front of others. Nori arches one of her braided eyebrows in her direction with a significant glance at the door, they don't have long and if they want to get clean they will need to be quick.

"So which one of them likes to bite?" Nori asks loudly as she climbs into the tub. Billana follows with a confused frown and Nori presses a finger to the point where her neck and shoulder meet. "Little tip? Don't let Balin see that, and tell them to go easy while you're in here." Her finger brushes the crystal that hangs on the silver chain around Billana's neck. "These don't work under dampening spell." Billana flushes.

"It didn't go that far," she whispers.

"It's nothing to do with me," Nori shrugs. She ducks to soak her hair, coming out of the water with her usual peaks tumbling about her shoulders, and grabs a bar of soap. Billana follows her example, scrubbing at her skin and hair as Nori talks. "You heard something out there?" She asks softly and Billana nods. "Think you can find out what it was?" The hobbit nods again. "Go," she instructs, "I can make enough noise to keep them thinking we're both in here."

Though she is clean, Billana would have liked to enjoy the warm water for a little bit longer. Their priority, however, has to be finding a way out, so she climbs slowly out of the tub and shifts quickly. She hasn't taken the form of a mouse since the day that she escaped Bag End, she doesn't like it and vows to change into a cat as soon as she is far enough away from the door guards to be ignored. The elves barely glance at her, their cheeks and ears flushed as they listen to the stream of lewd questions and stories that Nori had begun to utter as soon as Billana had moved to get out of the bath. Little wonder Balin wanted Nori to be the one to go with her. The elves are studiously trying to pretend that they can't hear a word being said in that room and with their attention so fixed on pretending that they aren't there it is easy for a mouse to slip past. She moves rapidly enough as a mouse, but the memories associated with the form hover at the fringes of her awareness and the last thing that she needs is to confront them right now. She shifts into cat form as she crosses the corridor they turned at, ears sensitive enough to hear the sound she is investigating clearly. She doesn't _need_ to go too much further down since it is very obviously Thorin bellowing curses and threats for all to hear, but if she doesn't set eyes on him herself to confirm that he is unharmed none of the others will rest until she does. She doesn't have long, no more than a couple of minutes, and she certainly doesn't have the energy to make another shift if she should need it, so she eases in through the small opening at the bottom of the door that must be used to deliver Thorin's meals.

The dwarf king is there, stomping from one side of his cell to the other and pausing periodically to bellow some curse or another at the door. He stops for a moment when he sees her, mutters her name and she bobs her head in a nod. He breathes a sigh and mumbles a series of quiet instructions to her that she needs to pass on to Fili, Kili and Balin. Most of them she knows will be completely ignored but she nods anyway. She is out of time, however, and Nori's filthy tales won't keep the elves out of the room for too much longer. She darts off as soon as he finishes speaking, racing down the corridor as though orcs are on her tail and only remembering to turn into a mouse as the guards on the door come into view. Legolas is there with her cleaned clothing and she skitters past him. Nori, in what Billana hopes is a moment of genius and not a reaction to seeing a mouse, flings her empty boot at the door with a yell, knocking it closed as Billana takes her own shape again.

"You've got a pest problem," she says nonchalantly when the door opens and Legolas glares at her. "Where are my clothes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had most of this chapter written before I even posted yesterdays, and I have most of the next chapter done too, the advantage of taking myself and my notebook to bed with a head cold is that I get to write in peace with no Manbeast asking me to help him with stuff. I do believe I handed myself another cut scene to write. Well aren't I silly? Balin is in for it when Dwalin and Nori get their hands on him, but he did what he had to. I have more I need to do with Nori later, aside from handing Billana a little tip that the boys may not have been aware of. And this is probably my most incoherent note to date.


	39. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being clean does not improve the moods of any of the captive dwarves

Being clean does not improve the moods of any of the captive dwarves, not that they were all that high to begin with, and Billana has to take a day to rest in her cell with Fili and Kili before resuming her search for an escape route purely because of the number of shifts she had done the day before. Nori, it turned out, had been tasked with trying to lift the keys to her cell as the guards walked past them once the Company had been bathed. She had been unsuccessful, more due to bad luck than lack of skill on her part. The guard, though not accustomed to dealing with dwarves, had apparently been one of the more competent ones and had checked for them before leaving. According to Nori, when Billana stops by on her way to see Balin a couple of days later, the guard had been good humoured about it. Unfortunately, it will make things more awkward.

Thorin's instructions had been a repeat of many of his words in Thranduil's throne room; they will not make a deal with the elves, Thranduil has no right or business holding them, Fili isn't to attempt to make such an offer and Balin isn't to encourage him to try it either. The implication that Billana might take Balin's side and encourage Fili was left unsaid, but she got the message loud and clear all the same. _She_ isn't to attempt it either. She is to find them a way out however she can and not get killed doing it. She wants to point out that saving Thorin from crazy orcs with metal prosthetics, leading the Company through a cursed forest and finding a way out of a dungeon is _not_ in her contract, but she doesn't bother. It wouldn't change the fact that she is the only one who _can_ get them out.

For three days she doesn't do much more than explore, careful to scent mark her path as she goes so that she doesn't get lost and end up caught. This place truly is a warren and if she weren't so accustomed to finding her way in the Shire and with the resources available to her as an animal she would be completely scuppered. Eventually, she runs across the prince as he sits on a high balcony above the long downward spiral that is lined with the dozens of occupied cells. She doesn't approach, already aware the most of the elf occupants of this place see cats as a necessary solution to the problem of mice and little more. She simply watches as he gazes down upon those of his people who have been locked away for the safety of themselves and others. It cannot have been an easy thing for him to do, and that they are still suffering within their minds is clear. As frustrated as Billana is at how little she has been able to accomplish to help her friends, she is certain that it is nothing compared to what Legolas must be feeling.

"My Prince," another elf approaches and Billana shrinks further into the shadows. "The envoys from Rivendell have arrived with the Miruvor."

"I will be there directly," Legolas sighs, getting to his feet with enviable grace.

Billana races after him. If the Miruvor is as valuable as the twins had implied when they gave her the small flask of it she can only think of a few people who would be trusted enough to bring it here. Elladan and Elrohir are high on that list, though she knows that there will be others, and she finds herself desperately hoping that they _are_ here. Whether they will help her to get the Company out is another matter, they _must_ know what her intended destination is by now and she very much doubts that they will be happy about it. She ducks behind a statue when she sees the courtyard where six elves are being greeted. They all wear the familiar light armour of Rivendell elves and she quickly spots the twins as they place their hands over their hearts in greeting to the prince. His smile is tight and grim as he returns the gesture, one that indicates great fondness she knows, and then delivers orders that the barrels of healing cordial be taken to the healers immediately. Far from going with it, the twins allow their four companions to guard it as they linger with Legolas.

"The path was worse than your father led ours to believe," Elladan says finally. "If we had known we would have taken the longer route or brought more riders."

"Much as I hate to admit it, I think he may have misled Lord Elrond deliberately," Legolas replies. "Our difficulties increase with each passing day."

"Why did he not ask for help sooner?" Elrohir asks.

"He did not want to admit that it had gotten so out of control," the prince shrugs, "would your father in his place?" There is a moment of silence. "He will want to speak with you once the first doses have been administered, I will take you to rooms so that you can wash the road from you."

Billana knows that she is cutting it close to dinner time, though Fili and Kili have built a pile of discarded clothing and their coats to resemble a hobbit at rest if taken at a glance. Whether it will fool an elf is another matter entirely, but she can't afford to lose the twins now that they are here, even if she only finds their chambers and has to come back later. Fortunately, the path there is quick, and on a direct route to the dungeons at that, so she marks the way and hurries back to her cell to discover that she is only just ahead of the elf who delivers their meals. She slips past her, darting ahead and into her corner, changing quickly and yanking Kili's coat around her to hide the fact that she isn't clothed as the elf passes their meals through. His face is neutral, lacking the sneer that he had worn the first day, but there is little care in the way he slides their food through to them and Billana quietly plots a number of unpleasant things she can do to the elves here before she leaves. She has been treated like this before, and left feeling unable to retaliate or stand up for herself, she will not allow herself to experience it again.

"Do you think they'll help us?" Kili asks when she is finished telling them about the arrival of the twins.

"I hope so," Billana replies. "I don't think we have any choice _but_ to ask them. They know this place, maybe not as well as its inhabitants but they've obviously been here before. They'll have more answers than _I_ can get, and certainly greater freedom of movement."

"And if they betray us?" Fili asks, understandably wary.

"They won't," she assures him, more certain of her belief in them than anything else. "Whether they like the fact that I joined this quest or not, they _won't_ want me locked up here for the rest of my life."

"I don't like it," Fili grumbles.

"Do we have a choice?" Kili responds. "Billana's right, they'll have more freedom of movement and we can't keep hiding what she's doing forever, eventually one of them will notice."

"It's risky," Fili disagrees, "what if they decide that this is the opportunity to remove you from the situation for your own good?"

"They wouldn't," she argues. "I'd be able to make their lives very difficult and they know it. There isn't anything else, Fili, it could take me months to find a way out with only a few hours at a time to search." He nods. "I'll go after the next guard, I should be clear until breakfast then."

They finish their food in silence, though there is an air of discomfort to it that has never been present before. Fili and Kili do not like the twins, and have little reason to trust them, but she needs them to trust her judgement on this. It _is_ the only way out and the fact is that she has been downplaying how difficult she has been finding it to get much done knowing that she needs to be back in the cells before anyone realises that she is missing. It is exhausting, if she admits the truth to herself, to be constantly shifting and searching with only two proper meals a day along with whatever the others can put to one side for her. Billana longs to rest, though she doubts she will be able to fully relax, and take a bit of time with Fili and Kili without the pressure of being the Company's only hope of making the mountain by Durin's Day. It is a lot for one hobbit to bear and she suspects Fili sees some of this on her face because as soon as they have finished eating he pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

"Talk to them tonight," he says. "Whether they agree to help us or not, I want you to rest tomorrow." She opens her mouth to object. "You need to take care of yourself too, Kitten."

She nods, curling against him as they wait and dozing lightly. She dimly hears them debate leaving her to rest, but she knows that they are as aware as she is that they cannot really afford to miss this opportunity to get help. So when they wake her she yawns and stretches, kisses them both and transforms. If one good thing has come out of this imprisonment, it is that she has had the opportunity to get to know them without the others hovering nearby and explore more of their relationship than just the little touches and moments they have been able to grab before now. It's odd to think that she is doing all that is in her power to get _out_ of just the position she had been longing for.

It's easy enough to find her way back to the twins' rooms, and even easier to get into Elladan's since he has left the door ajar. The reason for that it clear enough when she enters and sees both the twins lounging in comfortable chairs as the prince perches on the edge of a desk, moodily nursing a glass of something as he speaks.

"There is nothing more?"

"We had no guarantee the Miruvor would make any difference at all," Elladan spreads his hands. "All there is to do is wait. They've only had a single dose. I think, however, you would be better focussing on getting those less affected well and able to go back out to drive this darkness back than on those you've had to imprison."

"If it were _your_ friends you would do the same," Legolas sniffs.

Billana trots through the room on silent feet, making her way to Elrohir's side and rubbing herself against the side of his leg as he listens to the conversation. He picks her up, rubbing his fingers over her head until he encounters the chain which holds her charm. He lifts it and she hears him take a sharp breath. He looks at his twin, holding the crystal up for him to see and Elladan nods in silent understanding.

"I won't even try to dispute that," he says, "but perhaps it's a discussion for clear heads. It is late, Legolas, and the road was a long one. Let us examine it in the morning. You need _rest_ , mellon nin, you won't do _anyone_ any good without it."

Legolas sighs but gets to his feet. For a moment and expression crosses his face that makes Billana wonder if Elladan has offended him, but then he inclines his head and excuses himself. The twins wait quietly for a while, making idle conversation as they putter around the room, closing the door into the corridor, and Elrohir disappears through another door that turns out to be a connecting door for their rooms. He reappears in light linen trousers and tunic, looking for all the world like he is preparing for bed and Elladan ducks behind a screen to do the same.

"What are you doing here, Billana?" Elrohir demands finally.

"Can I get a blanket?" She asks, resuming her natural form after deciding that this is a discussion that should be had properly. Elladan brings one with him from the bed as he comes over and drapes it around her shoulders. "There was a complication in the mountains," she tells them and proceeds to explain the events that have led to them being locked in the dungeons underneath them.

"You want us to help you all escape," Elrohir concludes when she is done.

"I thought it couldn't hurt to ask," she shrugs. "I'll work it out myself if I have to, but-"

"You're exhausted," Elladan finishes and she nods. "I wish I could say I wasn't at all happy about this, Dilthen Rís, but the thought of you going anywhere near that mountain has had both of us worried. It's one of the reasons we told Ada we would bring this delivery to Thranduil. We had hoped to catch you up and talk you out of it."

"I'm committed," she shakes her head. "This is my future now too, I won't turn my back on them, you know that."

"What if we make it a condition of us giving you the aid you need?" Elrohir asks.

"Then I'll work it out for myself," she informs him. They stare at her. "I need help, I'm asking for it, just like you told me I should. But if you ask me to walk away from the ones I love then I'll find some other way. Will you help me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on fire! Well, I'm not, apparently I just write lots while the kids are at karate and I have half a chapter done


	40. More Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Elladan nor Elrohir answer her immediately

Neither Elladan nor Elrohir answer her immediately and Billana watches them with an increasing level of concern as she waits for them to tell her whether she has help or is on her own. She fiddles with the edge of the blanket as they exchange a look, waiting for one of them to say something, _anything_ in response to her request. Elladan hadn't been wrong when he had pointed out that she is obviously exhausted, the fact is that even if Fili hadn't already insisted that she take the next day to rest she would be forced to anyway. She cannot keep on going as she is, little as she wants to admit it, and if she is forced to stop because she has completely exhausted herself it could be days or even a week before she is ready to resume her search.

"You love them?" Elrohir asks her after a beat.

"Some more than others," she replies.

"It was inevitable I suppose," Elrohir sighs, "I saw the way he looked at you before you all left. Does he realise how lucky he is?"

"You would have to ask them, I suppose. I think I'm luckier that they chose me," she shrugs, missing the confused glance they share.

"We really can't convince you to give up their mad quest?" He adds.

"No, I've already told you that if the price of your help is turning my back on them, I'll sort it out myself," she says firmly. "I've spent most of my life being expected to give up things _I_ want so that others will help me and I can't keep on doing that. I can't keep losing the things I want just because a little bit of help will make my life easier in the moment." It sounds selfish to her ears, but so often she has asked for help with a small thing only to be expected to give up more of her time or resources than she can really afford in return.

"What about your dwarves?" Elladan demands. "Isn't that what they've done? Offered you a place to live, but if you want it you have to help them?"

"No," she corrects. "They came to _me_ for help and offered a large reward for it. The place to live is separate entirely and Kili offered it to me before I had even decided to help them."

"Do you know what it is that you're asking of us, Billana?" Elrohir asks softly. She meets his concerned grey eyes with her own and nods, she knows what she is asking. "You understand that if we are caught helping you Thranduil will likely lock _us_ away and make things very difficult for our father?" She nods. "And there is no knowing what he would do to you and your dwarves for becoming difficult. This is not a little thing that you ask of us," he reaches for her hand. "We need a little time. Can you give us that?" She feels her stomach clench and her throat tighten with disappointment, but she nods.

"I'll come back this time tomorrow," she whispers. "I need to get back."

She doesn't give them a chance to say anything else, simply races to the door so that she can open it enough that once she has changed she can slip out. Whether they would help her or not had been something completely out of her control, but she had hoped that she would mean enough to them that they would at least consider it without placing a requirement upon it. She had hoped that if they _did_ ask something of her, it would not be one of the few things that she knows she could never give up. Which is why she knows she should have expected it. If being on this quest has taught her one thing, however, it is that sometimes she needs to be selfish. She can solve this herself, it might just take a little bit longer than Thorin and the others would like.

"I wish I could say I'm surprised, Kundith," Kili says when she tells them, though he had been the one most adamant that she approach them for help.

Fili mutters his agreement as she slumps against his brother, exhausted and despondent enough to feel tears prickle at her eyes. She turns her face into Kili's chest, not wanting them to see that she is actually _crying_ over the possibility that the twins will refuse to help even though _she_ had said there was a chance they would. The fact is that they haven't actually said they won't help her yet, they just haven't agreed to it either and in her experience that is as good as saying no anyway. Others have refused to help her so often that she doesn't really understand why _this_ time has hit her so hard. Kili's arms come up to hold her, squeezing slightly as her silent tears turn to full sobs that she just cannot seem to stop no matter what she tries to do. She hates it, hates that he needs to comfort her when there is so much that they need to do, so much that they need to achieve and none of that will be done if she decides to descend into weeping hysterics every time something doesn't go her way.

"You need sleep, Kitten," Fili tells her. "You're exhausted and we're asking far too much of you."

"If I stop we'll never get out of here," she gasps, as they slide down the wall together with her against Kili's chest and her legs over Fili's lap.

"Then we never get out of here," he replies. "Either Thranduil will decide that it's a hopeless to try and be more stubborn than a dwarf, or he'll conclude that we're taking up space and resources he cannot afford to sacrifice and let us go."

"Or Thorin will change his mind and relent when he realises just how much time is passing," Kili offers.

"He'd hate me if he had to do that," Billana whispers, too exhausted to fully realise the unlikelihood of such an event, "he'd hate me if I didn't find us a way out."

"He wouldn't," Fili disagrees. "He would be disappointed, but I can take the blame easily enough. I won't let you work so hard to get us out that your health suffers, Kitten, and Thorin should _know_ that." She rubs the tears from her cheeks as she looks at him. "It will look better in the morning," he promises.

She doesn't sleep well, for all of their reassurances she knows that neither of her companions can truly be certain of how things might play out if she fails. It isn't even just that she doesn't want to fail _them_ , she doesn't want to fail _herself_ either. If they don't manage to escape it will be on _her_ and she doesn't want to live the rest of her life here. She doesn't want her future with Fili and Kili to be reduced down to days and nights in a cell where they could be seen or interrupted at any time. She doesn't want it reduced down to touches and kisses that can never go past a certain point because this is no place to raise a child and there is no guarantee that were she to fall with child the elves would allow her to keep it. She _wants_ children, the realisation comes as a surprise given they have always been a more abstract idea, a thing she had mused on as an unrealistic dream or the result of a marriage forced upon her by her grandfather. To discover that she actually _wants_ to have a child, and more than one really, is a surprise, but as she lies between her lovers, listening to them snore and feeling the warmth of their touch as they reach for her in sleep, she acknowledges to herself that she would like nothing more than to be surrounded by children with any number of combinations of their father's features and hers. She isn't even entirely sure how that side of it would work yet, but as the weeks since Fili and Kili both asked to court her have passed she has come to recognise that her feelings run far more deeply than she had dared to acknowledge.

No matter what Fili says, she will find a way out for them all. Their future is not in this place, if they stay here they may as well not have a future at all.

That determination takes her through the next day, although Fili and Kili watch her as though they expect her to take matters into her own hands anyway. She is exhausted, however, and she admits it to them hesitantly, worried that they will see it as a weakness or inconvenience. Instead Fili seems to slump with relief and she spends much of her time dozing against one or other of them, or exploring the more physical side of their relationship, though she keeps Nori's advice in mind all the same. Finally, their dinner is brought to them and it is time for her to go to the twins and get their answer.

"What if they say no?" She whispers.

"Then we think of something else," Kili assures her.

It turns out that she didn't need to have worried. When she arrives the twins are waiting for her with a soft robe to wrap herself in and a small pile of the weapons that belong to the Company, including Fili's swords, in the centre of Elladan's bed. Her sword is there as well and she runs her fingers over it, finding it still coated in spider entrails, as many of the others must be, taken and left to rust rather than being cared for.

"We'll help you," Elladan tells her, taking an oiled rag and beginning to clean one of the neglected blades.

"Thank you," she breathes, relief making her collapse against the bed. She will still have to do her share, of course, but at least she won't have to do it alone. "What convinced you?"

"Thranduil," Elrohir sighs. "We mentioned that a party of dwarves had passed through Imladris on their way to the Iron Hills and wondered if they had come this way as one of their number was a hobbit who is well known to us. He denied all knowledge of any of you, even when we mentioned the name of your leader, and made it clear that we should not enquire further." He also selects a sword to care for. "I suspect that if you were to become inconvenient he would simply do away with you all. The Company of Thorin Oakenshield would be thought lost in the Misty Mountains or wilds and fade into history. There is one thing we need to ask you, however, before we proceed." She nods.

"We watched you today, Dilthen Rís," Elladan says. "We wanted to see how your dwarves treat you and I have to confess to some confusion."

"Confusion?" She repeats slowly.

"We were under the impression that your heart was touched by Kili," he explains, "but today we saw you with them _both_ ; enjoying their attentions." She flushes hotly. "It is not the way we were aware things were done with the other races. We know there are different customs, but to take two lovers at once-" he spreads his hands.

"I'm not entirely sure it's a hobbit thing either," she admits, "but the other hobbits have never really let me be in a position to find out regardless. Frankly, I don't really care if it's something _my_ kind would accept, I never want to go back in any case. They asked to court me together, not one at a time or with any desire to make me choose between them. They asked with the honest desire to share me if that was what _I_ wanted, and I can't imagine having one without the other anyway. I love them both and apparently among dwarves that's common and acceptable." Then she frowns. "How did you watch us without us knowing?"

"The dampening spells are on the cells, not outside them," Elrohir replies, setting aside a knife to reach into his pocket, handing her a stone. "We used a cats eye agate, they're very good for concealing charms. And don't worry, as soon as we realised what you were all doing we left, it wasn't the place for a confrontation. Do they make you happy?"

"Beyond anything I could ever have imagined," she whispers.

"Then we will not interfere," he sighs, shaking his head when his brother objects. "We have our misgivings, but for now we will let the subject lie. It is neither the time nor place. Just know that, should it become necessary, you can come to us." She flings her arms around him, careful of the blade that he holds. "Go and tell your friends that we will help you, if you come to us each evening we will tell you what progress we have made."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are, Billana has some help, the twins have some things that they need to discuss, and my list of cut scenes seems to be ever growing. In fairness, this story would be a million times longer if I went with a shifting POV rather than the straight Billana stuff. 
> 
> In other questions, based on the Nori cut scene in The Cutting Room Floor, who wants to see Nori and Dwalin's story written up. She's got some thoughts and it certainly wouldn't be as long as all this.


	41. The Long Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telling Fili and Kili that the twins are going to help them is one thing. Telling Balin and Thorin is another matter.

Telling Fili and Kili that the twins are going to help them is one thing. They are in a unique position to see just how much Billana's search for an escape route is costing her. Telling Balin and Thorin is another matter. For a start, neither of them see her as a hobbit when she visits them, she is always in her cat form with her hobbit voice. Secondly, because no matter how much the twins mean to her and how good they have been to her, they are still elves and as far as Thorin and Balin are concerned that means that they cannot be trusted.

"Are you out of your _mind_?" Thorin snaps when she tells him. Billana takes a sharp breath, she had not expected him to be happy but she hadn't expected this level of venom either. "Elves are the reason that we are trapped in this _pit_ instead of making our way to the mountain. _Why_ would you trust to others? They will betray us as surely as Thranduil has."

"Do you have a better idea?" She replies, tail lashing. "I don't have any prior experience of finding my way out of any sort of dungeon, let alone an elf one. I am _exhausted_ , Thorin. I'm shifting daily, more than once some days, and more than I _ever_ have before. I'm hardly sleeping, I'm definitely not getting enough to eat and haven't since we got into Mirkwood." He stares at her silently. "At least I'm _doing_ something, or _trying_ to. What are _you_ doing? Because all I've seen so far is you pacing this little room screaming demands and obscenities and when you're _given_ the chance to change your mind and get us all out of here you reject it _every_ time."

"I was under the impression that _you_ were capable of solving the issue without my having to pander that _elf,_ " he growls.

"Well, _this_ is how I'm solving it," she informs him. "If I had more _time-_ but I don't, and since Thranduil isn't admitting that he's holding us there's nothing to stop him from just getting rid of us. Something which my _friends_ are none too happy about. Frankly, I'm not that thrilled about all of this either and, well, honestly, you contracted me to go and rob a dragon and at this point I'm starting to think that _that_ might be the _easiest_ part of all of this. Finding us a way out will take months on my own, we don't have that time."

She almost wishes that she had changed back for this conversation, not certain that a talking cat carries quite the same weight as an angry hobbit. That said, there is very little intimidating about hobbits when they are clothed, let alone naked. Perhaps a wolf would have been better, she thinks, but it's too late now in any case. She rarely loses her temper, it doesn't help when dealing with animals and has never been of benefit when trying to deal with her own kind either. Something about the stubborn nature of dwarves, and Thorin in particular, brings it out of her, however, and perhaps she should learn to guard her tongue around him a little bit more closely. After all, it was only a week ago that he warned her not to challenge him. It makes her wish for Balin, who would at least know what to say to convince Thorin that this is a situation that he needs to accept rather than rage against. She isn't actually all that sure Balin _would_ have taken her side, however, he certainly hadn't been impressed with the development when she had told him.

"You know I will hold you responsible should they betray us," Thorin tells her.

"You wouldn't be the only one," she replies with a toss of her head and a flick of her tail. "I need to get back, but I'll keep you informed."

He nods and she squeezes under the door, running back to her cell and cursing him under her breath. He doesn't make it easy to help him, she wonders if he ever has, and once back in her cell she doesn't bother to change back straight away, curling up in Fili's lap and letting him run his fingers through her fur. She could stay like this forever, she thinks, no pressure, no expectation, no dragons or dwarf kings that expect her to do the impossible. The life of a cat is a simple one and she could enjoy it.

"You have to change back eventually," Fili tells her after a couple of hours. She almost asleep under his gentle touch, purring contently.

"I don't think she wants to," Kili comments, "and if Uncle was as difficult about all this as he usually is I don't blame her." She grumbles, but takes the hint and shifts back.

Being bare in front of them doesn't bother her now like it used to. With the daily shape changes and the resulting nakedness when she changes back, she has quickly come to accept that they will see her unclothed. Then there is the matter of the way that they have begun to explore one another. Though things have not progressed further than she is comfortable, she will admit that it has been a fascinating experience that has helped her become further accustomed to being in her own skin near them.

"What happened, Kitten?" Fili asks as she pulls her clothes back on with a sigh.

She would prefer to remain wrapped in Fili's coat and arms, but the longer she stays wrapped up in either of them, the less she wants to move or remember her argument with Thorin. She explains their discussion, telling them about her argument with their uncle. Kili is grinning at her when she is finished, his arms wrap around her and he kisses her until she is breathless.

"I wish I had seen it, Kundith," he says. "It isn't fair that we've had to put all of this on you, I dislike having to leave you to fight our battles for us."

"I don't mind," she whispers, "I just wish I wasn't so tired."

"Rest, Kitten," Fili tells her. "Let your friends handle it for a while."

She could get all of the rest in the world, she thinks, but it would not make up for the lack of food and the constant fear of being caught by the elves. There is little else that Fili or Kili can do to help, however, there isn't anyway for them to get extra food or get out of the cell. All they can do is comfort her and hold her and they do it far better than she could have imagined. She settles for curling between them and this time when Fili tells her that she needs to stay in the cell and not change for a couple of days she cannot think of any reason why she might do any differently. Elladan and Elrohir have both told her that she needs to rest more as well, they have promised that they will handle things and that promise allows her to relax as much as she may for a few days.

Which she does and even though she doubts how much sleep may restore her, it proves to do more for her that she could have hoped. She still spends most of the time hungry, but she is less tired and when she finally does shift so that she can go and discover what progress the twins have made it comes more easily.

"We have an idea," Elrohir tells her, "but it will need to wait another four days until Thranduil is sufficiently distracted and we can get the keys off Galion, although the final part will be easy enough. He is very fond of Thranduil's wine. We will have your belongings in a safe place to pick up on the way out, don't worry, and supplies enough to see you to the mountain. It would be best that you not be seen in Laketown until you've completed your errand." She nods. "You had better get back to your dwarves and don't take anymore risks, we'll fetch you when it's time."

She pecks his cheek quickly, the twins have become accustomed to physical gestures of affection when they come from the hobbit even though such things are not common among their own kind, and he chuckles before shooing her away. She follows his instructions, trotting through corridors and past other cells until she comes to the one where the red headed elf has been locked away. The others have all shown some signs of improvement since the Miruvor arrived, but this one still mutters dark and vile things to herself. Legolas and Elladan are stood outside the cell, her friend has his back to her and Legolas, now accustomed to the mouser that has such a fondness for hunting around the cells, ignores her completely. Billana still slows a little bit, aware that Legolas also knows that the twins have a fondness for this particular cat and that she normally winds around their ankles at least once. Maintaining appearances is important, after all, and she's curious about why he is down here.

"There isn't anything else we can do," Elladan says, "short of taking her to Imladris, and I'm not sure the risk is worth it."

"To yourself?" Legolas sneers.

"To _her_ ," Elladan replies. "She's the worst of all of them, she's had twice the number of doses as the others and she's hardly made any improvement at all. I know that she is your friend, Legolas, but I think it's time to resign yourself to the fact that she might be beyond our reach."

"That's no cat!" The elleth screeches as she catches sight of Billana approaching. "No cat at all!" She reaches through the bars and Billana bolts from the clawed fingers as the elleth continues to scream that she is not what she appears. The sooner they all get out of here, the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn't want to happen, mostly because I want to write the next chapter and Thorin was insisting on having his say.


	42. The Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana does not leave the cell for the next four days.

Billana does not leave the cell for the next four days. She isn't sure _how_ the elleth knew about her true form, but she isn't going to risk being caught and somehow Elladan had managed to convince Legolas that the ravings meant nothing. Billana isn't going to undo all that hard work. Kili, when she tells the boys, has his own theory about it that Fili is quick to brush aside and that leaves her more curious about the other magics in the world than she has ever been. They agree, however, that it would be a good idea for Billana to avoid going past that cell at all if possible, and so she remains with them with only a quick trip to let everyone else know that in four days Elladan and Elrohir will be setting them free.

Those days seem to drag and yet she almost doesn't want them to end. She is with Fili and Kili, and while the cells aren't overly warm she has her lovers to help keep the chill away. She knows them better, as people, than she thinks she has known anyone. They don't have anywhere to hide from each other like this and there is little more telling about a person than the way that they behave in close quarters after a long period with little to nothing to do. She has seen them after a day of riding, she has seen them on a quiet day in Rivendell and at Beorn's when there were still tasks that needed completing and things to occupy their minds. She has seen them under the pressure of an attack and the strangeness of Mirkwood. This is a different kind of pressure, a different place, and even though their tempers have sometimes got the better of them she finds that she doesn't fear them as she had thought she might. The anger of others has always been a source of concern for her, and while she might fear their uncle when he is truly in a temper, Fili and Kili she knows that she can trust.

"You, Billana, are _incredibly_ fortunate," Elladan says when he appears at the cell door one evening after they have been fed.

"In what sense?" She replies, bouncing on her toes at the thought of finally being freed.

"In the sense that you have friends willing to risk their handsome necks to help you," he tells her, and Kili snorts. "And also that I was there the time Tauriel decided to start pointing you out to Legolas."

"How did she know?" She asks as the door opens.

"Tauriel is young, younger even than Legolas if you would believe it," Elladan replies, checking that no one is coming. "And she has risen through Thranduil's ranks with unprecedented swiftness, mostly due to what she can do." They move on to the next cell. "She has what the dwarves might call the Sight. From what I recall, they can use it to see the truth in things, or the lie I suppose. In my people it shows the residue of enchantments used, and it is very likely why she is among the worst affected by the mess of the curse out there. Another good reason to keep my father _out_ of this place. I didn't think she would notice you, or I would have warned you to stay away, but obviously it extends to Wild Magic as much as it does the Gift."

Bifur, Bofur and Bombur have been released by this point, and are having a reunion that is rapidly hushed by Fili when they begin to get too loud. Oin and Gloin are grumbling about being released by an elf when Billana can finally respond.

"What did you tell him?"

"That the chaos the curse induced in her mind was making her see that which could not be," Elladan says. "And which of us would know more; the healer who helped identify her ability in the first place, or her friend?"

"Are you not both?" Kili asks curiously.

"No," he replies shortly. "Better understanding of her ability changed her, not helped by Thranduil's insistence that she needed to remain here rather than come to be trained by my father. This curse must been making itself known even then, he would have wanted to use her to find the source and he gave her an inflated sense of her own importance to do so."

Nori and Dwalin emerge from their cell and the thief has the kind of cat in the cream expression that instantly makes Billana worry. Nori ignores Elladan, but for a sharp grin, and comes straight to Billana's side, flinging her arm about the hobbit's shoulders and squeezing lightly.

"I trust our princes were suitably behaved," she smirks, and Billana flushes. "I hope they're at least deserving of Balin's ire once he gets his hands on them. Are they as good as the rumours say? They're a bit too young for my tastes, but I've always been curious. You can tell Auntie Nori."

"Nori," her brother warns from inside his cell as Elladan looks for the right key, "leave her alone. How about learning from her example instead of corrupting her with yours?"

"If I could have some silence?" Elladan cuts in testily. "I'd rather you not all make so much noise that someone hears. Guards are at a minimum due to the feast, but that won't last if they hear you all bickering like children." That earns him more than one dark look, but Nori abandons her place at Billana's side to go to Ori, who is shaking his head and smiling fondly.

Balin and Dori are quickly released after that and her guardian seems poised to come to her when Dwalin grabs Balin's arm and begins to talk in a low voice. She sees Balin sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, and she suspects that the topic of 'my brother's wife' has come up between them. Nori hadn't been happy about it and from the looks of things Dwalin isn't exactly thrilled either, no matter what the two have them had been doing in their cell. The discussion remains quiet, however, and they all follow Elladan, though she cannot help but notice that he is taking them deeper in rather than towards his rooms or the exit as she had believed was the plan. Then she recalls that they have to get Thorin, who will probably be rather put out at being the last one to be retrieved, and she follows silently.

Elrohir meets them with Thorin as they approach a store room and they are all ushered inside quickly to take possession of their belongings. It is nice to have her things again, even if the pack is emptier than she would like. She glances at the twins who are holding a frantic hushed conversation between themselves.

"We were told there would be supplies," Thorin grumbles.

"They're at the exit of the passage we intended on leading you to," Elladan waves him off and turns back to his brother. "Are you _certain_?" He demands.

"Positive. I heard the report delivered myself," Elrohir replies. "Our report that the mountains were suspiciously clear of orcs and goblins has Thranduil worried. He's set extra patrols and they'll be too close to the tunnel exit for the dwarves to get out quietly. They've probably already found the supplies."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Elladan hisses.

"Because I didn't know it for certain until they nearly came across me unlocking Thorin's door," Elrohir replies. "Plan B?"

Elladan turns to them all and he looks a little unnerved to find thirteen dwarves and a hobbit all glaring at him.

"At least we _have_ a plan B," he mutters. "Come along, before they catch us here."

"And how do we know that you aren't playing us false?" Thorin demands. "This is something that you should have been aware of before releasing us."

"Do you want to get out of here or not?" Elrohir asks. "Because for my part I'm more than happy to take all of you back to where we found you and leave this place with Billana."

That prompts some more grumbling, but Thorin draws back and nods, allowing them to follow the twins out of the storeroom and down another corridor. The twins mutter softly about the noise of dwarf boots as they go, one or other of them ranging ahead and behind to check for patrols. That, at least, Billana knows that they are very good at, and the fact that they managed to come up with a contingency plan has to come from the pranks they like to play at home. She isn't so certain of how well they've managed to plan, however, when she discovers that they have led them to the wine cellar. The dwarves aren't happy either.

"Just get in the barrels," Elrohir hisses, glancing at the elves who lie insensate at a nearby table. "They drop the barrels into the river once a week and let them float down to the lake. They aren't due to go until tomorrow, but we'll get away with doing it now if you shut up and do what we say."

"There's a problem with your _marvellous_ plan, oh wise sons of Elrond," Nori pipes up. "There's only twelve barrels."

"None of us are small enough to share," Bofur points out, "how do we choose which of us is left behind?"

"We don't," Billana replies. "I'll stay, if I put my things in with one of you I can fly out."

"I'll stay as well," Kili adds, glancing at his brother who looks like he is about to object to the plan at length. "I can do the same with my things, if these two can hide me on the way up?"

For a moment Billana thinks that Elrohir will object to helping them get Kili out of the cellar but Elladan mutters something too quietly for her to really hear and his twin withdraws. Fili, however, is not so easily silenced, even as she and Kili are undressing he is making his objections to the plan known. If something happens to them or the other elves catch them there is every chance that he will lose his brother and the one he is courting all at once. She meets his worried eyes with her own, and reaches up to touch his cheek with her hand. Then she takes a chance.

"Will you take out my braid?" She asks and sees a flush coat his cheeks. "I know what I'm asking," she whispers, remembering the long ago conversation over dinner about unbinding hair. "I know what I'm offering," she glances at Kili who is also staring at her. "I love you, _both_ of you, and-"

Whatever else she had to say goes unsaid as Fili drags her into his arms. She clutches his coat, not able to do anything more under the ferocity with which he kisses her and she hears a number of throats clear uncomfortably. Kili's fingers are already working the beads out of her hair, leather pouch in hand to store them in and he hands them to Fili when the pair break apart.

"This is possibly the most beautiful thing I've seen in all my thousands of years," Elladan observes drily, "but I would be so much happier if we could get on the _escape_ plan and leave the emotional confessions until we've got you all out."

"I could watch a little bit more," Nori smirks, and Bofur quietly adds his agreement only to have Bifur whack him on the back of the head.

" _Please_ , just get in the barrels," Elrohir almost whines.

"The elf is correct," Thorin sneers at Elrohir, "the quicker we get inside the quicker we get out of this _pit_."

This time the remaining dwarves scramble to obey, placing their bags and weapons into the barrels as they climb inside. Billana hands her pack and little sword to Fili, while Kili gives his to Thorin, and the pair of them stand to one side to watch as the twins check that everyone has a space and is secure enough.

"Wish we could say it was a pleasure," Elladan says, "but we all know that would be a lie." He pulls a lever and the barrels roll down a ramp into the rushing river below.

"Why is that one naked?" Elrohir asks, pointing at Kili with a look of distaste that speaks volumes.

"Kili can turn into a raven," Billana replies before Kili can make a snide remark.

"Of course he can," the elf sighs. "One day, you are going to tell us the _entire_ story of how you met them. I have a feeling it is _far_ more interesting than we were led to believe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I was going to deprive them all of the fun of a barrel ride. And, Jimiel, I swear that is the last that we shall hear about the Thing. But I did have to answer reader questions. 
> 
> Also, the first two chapters of Nori's story are up (the first one being chapter 6 from the Cutting Room Floor) because she wouldn't hush so I ended up writing it.


	43. River Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana looks at the twins once the barrels have vanished

Billana looks at the twins once the barrels have vanished, aware of Kili coming up behind her to wrap her in his arms against the chill of the room. She leans against him with a happy sigh, hardly caring that both of them are nude, and waits for one of the elves to tell them what they need to do next. Kili isn't quite so patient.

"What now?" He asks. "I'm hardly dressed for sneaking through the halls and I think your fellow elves would notice a raven flapping about."

"Much as I hate to agree with him," Elladan says, "I think Billana would be displeased if we locked him back in the cells and left him there." His brother hums. "There is a way, although I'm going to like it as little as you do," he continues. "Billana, the elves here are accustomed to your cat form, I suggest you use that for the moment. As for you, Kili, I hope in raven form you're capable of playing dead."

The plan, as it turns out, is for Elladan and Elrohir to steal a half empty jug of wine, take a few decent swigs, and then meander through the halls with raven Kili's 'corpse' bundled up in one of their cloaks. The story they will tell, should anyone come across them, is that they found the injured bird being mauled by the cat and they had decided it might be best to dispose of the thing. Neither hobbit nor dwarf had been all that impressed with the plan, able to spot too many holes, but while the twins are good at coming up with schemes and tricks when given ample time, they tend to come apart a little bit when faced with a more immediate problem. It probably has to do with the fact that they usually have all the time in the world to accomplish whatever it is that they want to, but Billana prefers not to think on it. She just wants to get out of this horrible place, find Fili, and rest.

Billana doesn't voice her objections to the plan, she trusts the twins after all, but Kili has thoughts of his own and he doesn't hesitate to share them.

"Surely a cat's eye agate with a veiling charm on it would be better," he says. "I can turn into a raven easily enough and you could put the stone on a cord around my neck. I'd rather be able to get out of the way quickly if something happens."

"A veiling charm would be fine under normal circumstances," Elrohir sniffs. "But as soon as breakfast is served they'll know that you're all missing, if they don't already, and a veiling charm won't stand up to scrutiny that intense. It would be all we would need to be discovered roaming the halls with an invisible bird on one of our shoulders. There are enough questions being raised about Billana's cat shape as it is."

"And there's no other way?" Billana asks before Kili can object further.

"Thranduil will use you both to get to Thorin if he catches you," Elladan replies. "Dawn isn't far away and the goods entrance isn't far from here. No one would question if we were disposing of a dead bird in that direction, but they would if we were headed there without reason, in our cups or not. I need you both to trust us."

"I don't think we have much of a choice," Kili mutters, his arms still warm around her. Then he spins her so that he can kiss her softly. It lacks the heat of the one Fili gave her, but it is full of promise all the same. "Be careful," he tells her.

"You too," she winds her fingers into his hair. "I'll see you outside."

She turns into a cat before he can say anything more and Kili follows her example, taking on his raven form and hopping into the centre of the cloak that Elladan lays on the floor. The elves at the table are beginning to stir and they all know that they need to move quickly. If they are caught in here someone will very likely make the connection between the escaped dwarves and the twins and Billana doesn't want that to happen. Elladan picks his cloak up once Kili is wrapped securely in it, slinging it over his shoulder and the raven bumps off his back, drawing an indignant squawk from him. Elladan hushes the dwarf quickly, his gaze turning towards the sleeping elves at the table. They're stirring and she sees Elrohir swipe a jug of wine quickly, following his brother as they slip quickly from the wine cellar. Billana doesn't leave immediately, she has recognised one of the sleeping elves as the one that accused her of being the Company's whore. She leaps onto the table, the twins will be easy enough to find, and she pads carefully through the half full glasses to the large jug that is still almost full to the brim. Obviously it never arrived at its destination and it doesn't take much to knock it over the elf that insulted her. Then, for good measure as he rears awake cursing colourfully, she knocks several glasses to the floor. The rest of them wake and she bolts, hearing cries of rage and frustration over the mess that they need to clean up. It keeps them busy, however, even as she hears several guards led by the prince approach from the opposite direction that the twins have taken.

She races after them, clearly able to hear Legolas demanding to know what has happened and _why_ the barrels have been sent down the river early. That causes even greater confusion and she charges after the twins, catching up with them as they approach the tiny northern entrance to the halls. They regard her seriously, obviously able to smell the wine that had splashed onto her, but neither of them ask about what she has done. Which is probably a good thing, she doesn't want to have to shift any more than is absolutely necessary. She elects to change into a raven, the better to keep up with Kili, and settles on a branch while she waits for Kili to be released from his fabric prison.

He is obviously unhappy, and his confinement has mussed his feathers enough that it takes a while to set them straight so that he can fly with ease. Billana helps him, the simple act of grooming one that is almost as intimate for ravens as hair braiding seems to be for dwarves. Neither Elladan nor Elrohir say anything, settling instead under the tree that the two ravens occupy and passing their jug back and forth as they drain its contents. Not long after they have taken up their position the door bursts open and Legolas appears with about twenty elves in tow.

"The dwarves have escaped," he snaps as his eyes land on the twins.

"What dwarves?" Elladan asks, his voice low and dangerous. "I specifically asked your father about a party of dwarves the morning after we arrived and he told us he had no knowledge of them."

Legolas pauses and Billana watches next to Kili, her beak still running through his feathers.

"Now, brother," Elrohir slurs, though Billana knows he isn't as into his cups as that. "Perhaps this is a different party, one that didn't have a hobbit in its number." Legolas shifts uncomfortably. "I see," he continues. "Well, either way, if we had seen them your father would already be aware of it. The hobbit is a dear friend."

The warning is clear and Legolas at least has the grace to look a little bit uncomfortable in the face of the twins displeasure. Billana isn't entirely certain that they have managed to convince him, but instead of challenging their words the elf and his warriors take off along the cart path, evidently determined to catch the Company rather than work out whether the twins are telling the truth. Billana and Kili take the hint, already probably at least an hour behind the barrels, and take off. They head in the direction of the river, swooping low when they finally spot it until they see the barrels. The others have made better time than they had thought, already into a section of rapids just outside the heavily guarded river gate. It cannot be pleasant, she thinks, spotting the odd miserable head above the top of the barrel as she flies above them. She moves slightly faster than they do, as does Kili, and they keep having to double back to keep pace with the rest.

Ultimately she decides that keeping pace with them isn't going to work and when she pulls ahead Kili follows, evidently curious about her intended destination. She doesn't go far, finding a branch that hangs over a part of the river where the current is obviously slower. Leaving Mirkwood this way may well have saved them days, provided they find a way into Laketown, and if the barrels don't stop here there will be a spot further down. Someone will have to collect the things after all.

The barrels don't slow enough for their occupants to paddle to the bank until half way through the following day. Billana takes wolf form as soon as it looks like night is going to fall and hunts down their dinner, keeping half of the doe she manages to fell for herself while leaving the rest for Kili. She doesn't change back, the night will be cool enough as a wolf anyway, to spend it shivering in her own skin is a thought she can hardly tolerate. Her fur will keep her warm, with the added bonus of being about to curl up around Kili to keep him warm as well. He wastes no time in building a small fire to cook his share over, though he struggles to dress it without a knife and has to make do with a sharp rock. The fire comes to light with such flare and heat that Billana yelps and leaps away from it, shooting him a reproving glare.

"There are ample drawbacks to having a gift as powerful as mine, Kundith," he chuckles. "I never did get the hang of just lighting a candle. I tend to incinerate them instead." She shakes her head, curling up next to him once she has finished eating and he douses the fire in case of pursuit, wrapping himself around her.

It isn't the most pleasant night they have shared, but when morning comes they continue onward, Kili as a raven and Billana still as a wolf. She is becoming more comfortable with that form now, remembering the power that comes with it and the strength it gives her senses. There is not, however, the loss of self that she had feared she might encounter after spending an extended period wearing this skin and by the time the rest of the Company make their way ashore she is as settled in this form as she is in that of a cat, dog or raven.

The barrels, though water tight, have not protected her friends from the worst of the elements and most of them are at least damp. Kili settles on his brother's shoulder when Fili almost collapses against an outcrop of rock, his tunic soaked still from the trip down the rapids and even though she knows that dwarves don't tend to feel extremes of temperature in the same way that hobbits do, she curls around him and he pulls her close gratefully. He lays his head against her shoulder, digs his fingers into her fur and she feels a slight tremble in the action, though whether it is from the cold or something else she doesn't know.

"You two, change back, we need to move," Thorin orders as Billana lets out a low growl.

A scent has reached her nose. Sweat, wood, leather, the musty damp smell of someone who spends a lot of time working on or around water and never quite manages to get truly dry. The dwarves are immediately on the alert, raising their weapons as Kili takes flight, presumably to see if he can discover what has alerted her. There is a yell from above them, the sound of rapidly beating wings and an arrow glances off the stone at Billana's feet. Fili is instantly in front of her, his own blades drawn, and she hears a Man's voice cursing ravens to the depths of the void and back.

- _Tell your friend to stop-_ she hears a small voice say and spots a thrush fluttering above Fili's head.

- _He tried to kill me-_ she replies. - _Why should I?-_ The belief that people mostly mean well is something that she long lost the ability to hold as true.

- _Only because the raven startled him, but he doesn't hear. What kind of creature does not hear us, flock leader?-_

- _One who is not truly a creature at all, he is stone-dweller who knows the way of the wing-_ She considers the situation, looking at the Man as he emerges from his hiding place, still holding his arms over his head as he curses the raven that is attacking him.

Kili's sharp beak has drawn blood, though Billana knows that none of the wounds are fatal or even that much more than an inconvenience. It is the tiny flash of copper, however, that convinces her that there might be more to the request of the thrush than she had thought.

- _He hears you?-_ She asks.

- _He is of the Dale flock-_ the thrush replies - _The offspring of their great leader, they have always heard us-_

She grumbles, Fili and Kili have told her much of what they know about Erebor and the way things once were. She knows about Girion of Dale and she expends some of her magic to give herself her own voice rather than the rumble of the wolf.

"Kili, stop," she calls. "According to the little one, this is the heir of Girion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there. Although I am now well and truly over my original chapter plan. This is a very different style of chapter to the one I posted this morning in Trickster's Sight. I think I have whiplash


	44. Another Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bard is upset.

Bard, which is the name that the Man gives them once he recovers from his shock at an encounter with a talking wolf, is upset. Perhaps understandably so given that the barrels he is here to collect are early and short four in number with the addition of twelve dwarves, their tame raven and impossible wolf. Billana doesn't think he would react to well to learning that she and Kili are not, in fact, that creatures that they currently appear to be. Balin quickly takes over the task of negotiating when he realises that Bard will need more careful handling than Thorin is usually inclined towards. Even then, the offer of a significant amount of coin is needed before Bard can be convinced to let them all board the barge, he isn't happy with the thought of smuggling the dwarves into Laketown. In truth, the dwarves are no less unhappy about the need for it and it isn't until Billana points out that they have all of their belongings and weapons and that they really only need supplies that it occurs to any of them at all that there might be another way. The twins had advised that they avoid the place, but that had been when they would have had ample supplies waiting for them.

"There is a bridge into the town, is there not?" Balin asks and Bard nods, although his bearing is wary. "Maybe you could be persuaded to take us there, perhaps leave us a short walk away so that we could enter Laketown by more official means. I'm sure the coin from the simple task of ferrying us a short distance will more than cover the loss of the four barrels which did not arrive with us." Bard seems to consider it.

"You will not find a warm welcome in Laketown, Master Dwarf," he says. "Regardless of how good your gold is. Especially not with a wolf in tow." He gestures to Billana who has come closer

"Oh, you needn't worry about that," Billana laughs and he moves away from her. "They'll hardly notice me, though I thank you for your concern."

"Outsiders are regarded with suspicion," he insists, "but if that is the course you wish to take I will move you closer and accept your coin for it."

The others quickly move to help the Man load his barrels, not wanting to remain where they are any longer than they really need to. Thorin, however, summons Kili and Billana to him before they can begin the process of changing back.

"Go and investigate the town," he orders, "we will wait on the shore until you return. I will not walk blindly into another trap."

"Yes, Thorin," Billana replies, noting Bard watching them with sharp eyes.

The suspicion of the Man worries her, though she doesn't blame him, and she trots a short distance away so that she can once again take the form of a raven. It isn't as easy as it should be, a combination of being tired from a poor night and too much magic used over the last few weeks. The only shift she intends to make after this is the one back to her own shape. If Thorin wants any other investigating done then Nori will have to be the one to do it. She has to be more than capable, after all.

The flight to the wooden town doesn't take as long as she had thought it might, and yet is still longer than she would like. What she sees upon arriving immediately makes her wonder if they wouldn't have been better off in Thranduil's dungeons. Wood, of course, is the best building material for a town that sits upon a lake. To Billana, who only really swims as a otter and rarely takes that form anyway, this is an unfathomable idea. Wood floats, but when it gets wet it also rots and signs of rot and wear are everywhere. What passes for streets are narrow, boarded walkways that open into the occasional larger square, which are still smaller than those Billana saw in many of the Mannish towns they stopped in to resupply during the early days of their journey. There is little sign of gathering in these open places, in fact there is no sign of any sort of market at all. Much of Billana's shopping is done at market, and even in Mannish towns there are those who operate out of wagons and stalls rather than shops; farmers and travelling tradesmen who bring their goods and sell for only a short time each week. There is no sign of anything like that here, in fact the open areas seem too small for any such arrangement.

Steam rises from some of the roofs in clouds, smoke pouring from the chimneys and these buildings are in better repair, though they still show greater signs of wear and little care, than the rest which have only thin streams if smoke or none at all in their chimneys. The people who rush from one building to the next are thin, for the most part, with clothes that seem to be more layers of rags than anything that may once have been trousers or a dress. Some are dressed in clothes of better quality, indeed Bard's clothes may have been in need of repair or replacement soon but they are still in better condition than many of the rest, and the presence of town guards is heavy and clear given the quality of their garments. These guards march about the town, ducking into the shops which seem more prevalent than market stalls, poking, prodding and examining everything they come across. Their loud words and brash questions show that they know little about that which they are investigating, but no one among the general population calls them on their ignorance. Bridges arch over water ways and these are filled with narrow boats far smaller than the barge Bard is using to bring the dwarves to the bridge, able to hold maybe four people at a push, and they use poles to push them forwards rather than oars, though they have those in the bottom.

Erebor dominates the skyline to the north, though even Billana can tell that it is still many days journey away, and whenever the people of the lake look at it they will turn sharply away with a muttered curse and a whisper. They fear the mountain still, though the dragon has not been seen in sixty years, and she supposes more than a century living with the threat of the great beast before he went quite would be enough to instil fear in anyone. Men, certainly, do not live as long as dwarves or elves, even hobbits have a slightly longer span of life. Men, she knows, are often lucky to reach their sixtieth year, though she has heard that the Men of Gondor and the lost realm of Arnor were longer lived than hobbits. These, however, she rather suspects will be as short lived as the Men of Bree and perhaps that is better for them. This is a miserable place and Billana knows enough of being miserable in her existence to know that wishing a dozen decades or more of it upon a person is cruel.

Kili taps her with his beak and tilts his head in the direction of the bridge, a rickety wooden thing that looks as though a strong breeze will have it in the water, and she understands. They have seen and heard enough. The people here are suspicious of their own neighbours, downtrodden and firmly under the squeezing fist of the Master of this place. The Company will find no welcome here, even with their coin, and though they have no choice _but_ to purchase what supplies they may, they should do so as quickly and quietly as possible. Announcing their presence would be unwise, yet Billana has a sinking feeling that it may be the only way to get out of this place once they are upon it.

The others are waiting, Bard long gone having departed with dire warnings, and Billana and Kili are quick to change back and dress. Her clothes are not made for this climate, though it is only autumn. In fact, it is the day before her birthday, a detail she had discovered by listening to several conversations while exploring the town. Even if they did not need to get food, however, they would need to find something warmer for Billana to wear. Dwarves run hot and it will be some time until they feel the cold as much as Billana is, but the time in Mirkwood and Thranduil's dungeon's have affected her sense of the seasons and distance. She would have thought it later in the year still had she not learnt the date. Fili sees that she is shivering, even with her clothes on, and pulls her close enough to wrap her in his arms, his coat is, as always, held closed by the straps which he uses to carry his swords and she wishes that she could unbuckle them so that she could burrow inside and warm herself properly.

Kili is already reporting their findings to Thorin, his tone distant and dispassionate in a way she has never associated with him. His eyes and the occasional shift of his face, however, show how tightly he is keeping control on his emotions. Laketown is a miserable place, the people there are suffering for their location and the greed of their leaders. Supplies will be expensive and ponies almost impossible to come by, they will not be riding to Erebor although they may be able to purchase one or two ponies to carry the necessary food. This version of Kili is one that Billana has always seen lingering beneath the surface. He is cheerful enough, mischievous and bright, loyal and loving, open and warm much of the time, but there have been occasions where Billana has seen that perhaps all of that is a simple facade in the moment. The illusion that he is a careless and foolish princeling to hide a mind that is far sharper than he would have others believe. Kili has, in fact, picked up on a lot of information that Billana might have missed or not thought to look for. Many of the others seem surprised by this side of the young prince, and perhaps with good reason, but Billana can feel Fili almost trembling and when she looks up at him she can see the pride on his face shining as brightly as the summer sun. _This_ is the little brother he has wanted the world to know and see, she realises, and perhaps he has chafed at the shackles Thorin's need orders have placed upon Kili as much as his brother. Kili deserves to be seen like this, to be known like this, has longed to be this, Billana knows it as surely as Fili likely always has.

"Perhaps it would be best if we did not _all_ go in," Balin suggests. "One or two dwarves will draw less attention than fourteen."

"We need somewhere warm to rest," Fili says before Thorin can agree with the plan. "We all have minor injuries that need tending to properly before we move on, Billana is freezing and needs something warmer to wear, and we have over a month until Durin's day."

"Weeks spent waiting in the ruins of Dale will not be of benefit to any of us," Thorin growls, "and it would not do to allow one marked as _Khazad bâhâl_ to freeze. Not only would it reflect poorly upon us, it would prevent her from doing the task which we recruited her for." Fili looks vaguely mutinous at that reminder but wisely holds his tongue. "Better that we all go in together and see what we may find."

"And if they detain us?" Balin enquires. "From Kili's report that doesn't seem outside of the realms of possibility."

There is a moment of silence.

"We will bridge the chasm when we reach it," Thorin replies. "Though if the greed of this Master is as great as Kili suggests, I suspect he will aid us should we tell him our intentions."

Fili grumbles something under his breath that even Billana cannot quite make out and she gives him a warning look. They both know how far off course Thorin's overconfidence has taken them already.

"In which case," Balin sighs, "there is something I would like to do before we enter the place." He turns his attention to Billana, approaching her with his hands held in front of him. "Billana Took, though you are no longer truly a child and likely without need or desire for a father, I would like to ask your permission to take you into my family as a daughter. I claimed you for my own child before the elves of Mirkwood and one I consider an old and dear friend. I would like to make that claim official, name you my true daughter and heir to all I have now and all I ever will have. Long have you been a child of my heart," he takes a small knife from his belt and draws the blade lightly across his palm, "I ask now to make you a daughter of my blood. Will you accept?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He finally got to the point. I've been wanting Balin to do this since Beorn's.


	45. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilana blinks, completely taken aback.

Billana blinks, completely taken aback by the question. It isn't that adoption never happens in the Shire, there are times when some illness or accident might take both parents from the world before their time, it is simply _rare_ and usually of faunts no older than fifteen. Even then, the child never gets to make the choice and older children are fostered with family members until they are of age. At least, they are _supposed_ to be fostered, in her case it was decidedly safer for her to live on her own. She really had assumed that Balin had made the claim that he had adopted her purely so he could find out where the elves were taking her. Before she can respond, though she is still looking for the right words, Thorin cuts in.

"Is this _really_ the time?" He asks, looking at them all in exasperation.

"It's the only time we have," Balin replies. "Tomorrow Billana will be of age." Thorin nods, obviously understanding even if Billana does not.

"Then if we could get this done," he prompts. "I would like to make it into Laketown before nightfall." Balin pulls a face.

"I don't understand," Billana admits. "I'd like nothing better than to call you father, of course, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do."

"It's easy," Fili says softly, his head next to hers as his arms wind around her waist. "You accept, cut your palm, and clasp his hand. Balin does the rest."

A knife appears in front of her and Billana looks to see Nori holding it out to her. She reaches to accept it and Nori catches her hand before she can.

"Let me," she says, "there would be an advocate if this were happening in Ered Luin."

"Billana is hardly so young that she needs an advocate," Balin replies.

"She might as well be," Nori glares at him, "she said herself she doesn't understand what you're really offering." Thorin clears his throat meaningfully.

"If Nori feels it necessary," Thorin tells them, "and if Billana does not object, of course."

There is something deeper going on here Billana thinks, but it is neither the time nor the place to discuss it. From the glare that Nori throws Balin's way, however, Billana rather suspects that she might be better off not knowing. The female dwarf draws the knife across Billana's palm with one swift motion, the well kept blade slicing quickly and she doesn't show any of the nervous hesitation that Billana might have. She isn't sure how to feel about that, but pushes the thought to one side in favour of allowing Nori to turn her hand and press her bleeding palm to Balin's. She hisses something vaguely threatening to Balin is Khuzdul, who raises an eyebrow at her but doesn't reply beyond a slight incline of his head.

"Before others I have claimed you as the daughter in my heart, now I take you as the child of my blood as it flows into you and yours into me. With this bond I vow to protect you and love you as a father ought, to watch over you and guide you should ever you need it. When I pass from this life and return to the stone, may all my worldly goods pass to you and with this bond of blood may you find me in the halls of our ancestors. I name you now Billana Took, daughter of Balin, son of Fundin."

There is a flash of red from between their joined hands, heat seems to sear into her, but Balin does not release her until the light has faded. Thorin has his eyebrows raised in apparent surprise and even Nori looks grudgingly impressed. When Billana's hand is finally released she expects to see a mess of sticky blood and a lightly oozing wound. Instead she finds that her palm is completely clean, far cleaner than the rest of her all things considered, and there is a fresh white scar across it.

"Looks like Mahal approves," Dwalin comments, slipping his hand into Nori's. "Congratulations to both of you."

Billana feels a little light-headed in truth. She has spent much of her life wishing to know her true father and if not the one who sired her, she has at least wished that Bungo could have seen her as a daughter rather than the unwanted child she had always been. It is almost baffling to think that someone might want her as their own after so long of being told that she was a mistake, a misjudgement, a chain around her mother's ankles and that it would be better if she had never entered the world alive, the better to hide her mother's indiscretion. To not only be wanted, but to learn that Mahal, who created the dwarves and who they revere so highly for it, would approve is nearly too much.

"Walk with me," Balin says to her. Fili relinquishes his hold of her reluctantly and she almost understands how he feels. The endless days together in Mirkwood have brought the three of them closer and it is strange to think that she will once again have to share their company with others. "I think it would be best if I explained a few things to you," he says as they all begin to move and Billana feels something in her drop. Balin must see something in her face, because his expression softens and he glances back at Fili and Kili who are talking quietly with Nori. "You don't need to worry about them, lass, no dwarf would stand between a 'dam and her heart, and it's very clear where your heart lies." She relaxes a little, leaning in to his warmth when he offers her is arm. "I was worried when they approached you, neither of them has ever shown so much as an inkling towards courting and marrying. I should have known it would take someone truly extraordinary to get their undivided attention."

"I'm nothing really special," she mumbles, embarrassed.

"Oh, you are, lass, even if you don't realise it," he assures her. "I'm proud you accepted my offer of family. As for why now, which I can see you want to know, I've made the claim once before others including Dori, and it is one I suspect I will need to make again when we enter Laketown. It is something I had _intended_ on asking you when we were at Beorn's, but with one thing and another I felt it was too soon and it was only when we managed to get the date out of our reluctant bargeman that I realised how close I was to losing the opportunity to do it properly."

"Properly?" She tilts her head.

"If I were to have made you the offer tomorrow, when you are of age, you would no longer be a child and I would not have been able to declare you daughter or give you the ties of blood which will better protect you inside the mountain. You would have been recognised as a member of my family in name only," she traces the new scar on her palm with her finger. It has an odd feel to it, a sort of tingle when she touches it and she mentions it to him. "Aye, it will," he agrees, "should anything happen to me any healer will be able to detect the blood bond and the nature of it to validate my claim. You are my heir now, Billana, all of my worldly goods and titles will be yours upon my passing."

"I wouldn't know what to do with anything like that," she tells him, at a loss for anything else to say and he laughs.

"I forget, sometimes, that you're not a very small dwarf," he replies, "you have certainly shown enough stubborn tenacity to put even the most stone headed of us to shame." He looks meaningfully at Thorin who either doesn't hear him or isn't listening. "Just because you will be of age tomorrow, Billana, does not mean that my duty to you as your father will end. As guardian any need to care for you or protect you would have been over, no matter what my wishes to the contrary might have been. As your father, while you will be free, of course, to go your own way, I will always be able to come to you for any reason. Including if those two idiots some how push you too far or make you uncomfortable, or if Nori shares a few too many stories that you would rather she didn't."

"You two haven't been particularly close," she says, keeping her voice soft. She knows that dwarf hearing isn't as sharp as hers but Nori always seems to have a way of knowing things that she shouldn't. "But if she and Dwalin are-" she pauses, groping for a word, "whatever they are, I would have thought you'd get along better than you seem to."

"That," Balin says after a tense pause, "is a long story and the result of a poor judgement on my part thirty years ago." Billana raises her eyebrows. "Dwarves are very good at holding grudges, and the one Nori holds isn't unwarranted I'll admit, no matter _what_ she got out of it in the end."

It isn't very enlightening, but Billana suspects that Balin would rather not talk about it and really it isn't any of her business. At least, it isn't so long as it doesn't cause any problems. They are now, however, nearly entirely across the bridge and about to encounter the Men who guard the only foot entrance into the town. They lounge indolently against their hut, spears held loosely and complaints about the cold audible with the way that sound carries oddly over water. They are wrapped against the weather, which is definitely cool for the end of September, and Billana suspects that their lack of observation comes from unwariness born of boredom rather than malicious negligence. They come to attention very quickly, however, when a younger guard looks their way and alerts his companions.

"Here's something you don't see often round these parts," one of them says to the other as he looks at the Company. "Dwarves."

"If we may pass," Balin says, "we simply wish to replenish our supplies." Fortunately, the twins had managed to salvage their packs, and while they might still be a touch damp, they contain enough of the Company's belongings and additional gold to add weight to the request.

"Strangers are to go straight to the Master," the younger guard says, "those are the orders."

"That can hardly be encouraging for those with coin to spend," Balin observes.

"We don't give the orders," the older one shrugs, "but it will be our necks if we don't follow them. You're all welcome to turn back if you don't want to see him."

Thorin visibly bristles at the idea that he needs permission to trade in this town, which he knows from Kili and Billana badly needs the trade and the reestablishment of the dwarven kingdom to the north. This is very likely to be part of the reason that Elladan and Elrohir had not wanted them to pass into the Mannish settlement and her own instincts are screaming at Billana that this is a bad idea. Nevertheless, according to the others, and she supposes that they would know, it is over a month until Durin's day and the Lonely Mountain is still a little over a week's travel ahead of them. None of them really want to spend the better part of three weeks searching for the hidden door and avoiding the notice of the dragon, and so stopping somewhere was always going to need to become an option. Laketown is the only place nearby.

"Very well," Thorin sneers. "Take us to him."

This, Billana thinks miserably, is a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be out far sooner than it is. I'm sorry for that, a combination of studying and an epic sickness bug prevented me from getting much of anything done (plus Nori has been super chatty and hasn't that story taken a turn for the interesting). But here we are. Getting there slowly.


	46. Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Master of Laketown is a corpulent Man

The Master of Laketown is a corpulent Man who tries to hide his thinning hair by combing what remains over the middle. He greets them with what, to the casual observer, must be a genial smile that gives the image of general good humour. To someone watching as closely as Billana and the Company are, however, it is very clear that it doesn't reach his eyes. He watches them as carefully as they watch him, and Balin passes Billana to Nori with a quiet murmur as he and Thorin step forward.

The room they have been brought to is in a building which is in far better repair than much of the rest of the town, close enough to the gate to be reached quickly and easily, and thus make the Master accessible to all who try to enter the town, and that gives the impression that the place is more affluent than it really is. Sadly, for all the place is in good repair, the signs of age and wear are clear, as well as those of failing fortunes. Billana suspects that in a few more generations this town will no longer be here, abandoned in favour of places where fortunes might be made more easily. The Master's chair shows signs of worn gilt, the carvings damaged with age and use, the only thing that looks vaguely new are his robes and even those are already spotted with food and drink. He is eating when they are brought to him, a large meal that she suspects would be more than many of the families in this town will be able to put on the table. In contrast to the wealth the Master is attempting to convey in his dress and furniture, the tableware is rough wood and pottery.

"What would _dwarves_ be doing in this part of the world?" He asks, not seeming all that interested in the answer as Balin dances around their real reason for being here by stating that they simply need to resupply and perhaps purchase a pony. "Well, that is all well and good, master dwarf," he replies, "but one must wonder where your other supplies are? For that matter, I would have to wonder why you don't already _have_ a pony."

"We were attacked by orcs some weeks ago," Balin replies, it is truthful enough. "We were able to drive them away but not before they spooked our animals and drove them off, taking most of our supplies with them." The Master hums.

"And you say you are going to the Iron Hills?" He asks.

"To the home of our kin," Balin agrees.

The way he speaks is impressive. Nothing he says is an _outright_ lie. With every question that the Master asks he manages to reply without really answering. It amazes her that she has ever managed to get a straight response from him at all. Billana's fascination with the way that Balin avoids the Master's enquiries, however, is tempered by the way the thin Man beside him watches the group of dwarves. His eyes run over them, looking for some evidence of falsehood, she supposes, until they land upon her. The way that he looks her over, running his eyes slowly down her and then back up once more, makes her stomach lurch and she sees Nori's hand inch towards one of the little pockets that she knows the dwarf keeps a blade hidden in. The thin Man leans close to the Master, muttering something softly in his ear and the Master's eyes turn to her, also looking her over.

"That one is no dwarf," he says abruptly, cutting Balin off mid sentence.

"My daughter," he says, not bothering to mask his irritation, "her mother was not a dwarf, but I assure you that she has dwarf blood in her veins as surely as any one of the rest of us."

The Master pulls a face, obviously trying to decide whether he believes her father's words. It's strange, still, to think of Balin that way. She imagines it will be weeks, maybe even years before it feels completely natural to think and address him as such. Balin glances back at her again, his neutral expression slipping for a moment and his eyes flickering to Nori. She nods, stepping forward and in front of Billana slightly with her arms folded tightly over her chest. Billana hears movement behind her as Balin resumes his verbal dance with the Master and she glances back to see Fili and Kili glowering in the direction of the thin Man, Bofur's hand tight about Kili's arm and Gloin restraining Fili. She wishes she were with them, even though she knows full well that Nori won't let anything happen to her, but there is nothing to be done and she has no desire to draw any more attention to herself than she already has.

"Well," the Master says finally, "I have to say that your reasons all _sound_ plausible enough, but your condition makes me question the truth of them." Thorin snarls. "Many dwarves come with caravans to and from the Iron Hills, as you must be aware, but they never pass this close to the lake and never in such small groups since, as you have discovered, the crossing over the mountains is treacherous and orcs becoming ever more plentiful." He makes a gesture and several guards step away from the wall.

"You would deny us this?" Balin demands. "You would deny us vital supplies and your people what trade we may offer?"

"What trade _do_ you have to offer?" The Master asks. "A few coins in exchange for food, lodging and a pony is hardly lucrative."

"What _would_ make it more lucrative?" Thorin snaps.

"Nothing _you_ might provide, I am sure," the Master sneers.

"Indeed?" Thorin straightens, and Billana sees Balin shift, obviously having seen something in Thorin's face that alarms him. "And if I were to tell you that I am Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, and I have come to reclaim Erebor?" The Master raises his eyebrows. "Is _this_ the beginning to our future that you would want? Denying us that which might make us remember you with kindness in the future when the time comes to establish trade between our peoples? Think of the wealth which would flow from the mountain to the lake as we rebuild. Smaug sits upon a vast hoard and we would need supplies, for which we would pay our _friends_ handsomely."

Billana finds herself holding her breath as she waits. There is no proof aside from their word that Thorin is who he says he is. She finds herself suddenly wishing for the wizard, she suspects that had he been with them he might have been able to smooth things with the elf king and the Master. He is well known on the west side of the Misty Mountains, there is no reason to think that he is less well known on this side of them. As it is, she cannot see what Thorin is doing, stood behind him as she is, but she assumes that he is meeting the Master's glare with one of his own. Having been on the receiving end of several such expressions, Billana is not surprised when the Master seems to shift uncomfortably, then gestures to his lackey and mutters lowly for the Man, only, to hear. The smaller male scurries off silently, with only a scowl in their direction and the Master watches the door close before turning back to Thorin.

"Perhaps your request has merit after all," he says, "I have sent Alfrid to find you a place to rest and take your ease while we negotiate the particulars of this and any future arrangements. Your companions will be fed while you share a meal with me as we talk."

"Balin will also remain," Thorin adds, "he is my chief advisor, and Ori, our scribe, as well. It would be well to record everything mentioned and agreed correctly."

The Master looks put out by this, obviously hopeful that he might use their absence or even likely demise as a way to get more than his due later. Whatever objections he might make, however, are cut off by the entry of Alfrid who is followed by a portly Man with thinning hair and a shrill voice. Evidently, this is the person who will be hosting them and he sounds none too happy about the idea. His objections are waved off somewhat callously, something the dwarves find objectionable if their mutters in Khuzdul are anything to go by. No matter how long they are here, Billana decides that between now and going into the Mountain she will try to convince Ori to continue her education in the language, she would very much like to know what they mutter when they don't want the Men or elves around them to understand.

The remaining eleven gather, reluctantly, behind Alfrid so that they can be escorted to their lodgings. Guards form up behind them making it feel more like an escort to another prison than guest quarters and Billana feels Nori nudge her until she is stood between the thief and Dwalin, all the better to keep her away from the gathered Men. Balin breaks from Thorin's side for a moment to approach her, touching their foreheads together lightly and briefly before looking at his brother.

"Watch over her," he says, not quite a request but nor is it an order.

"As if she were my own," Dwalin replies, voice just as soft.

They are taken to what might once have been a boarding house for though it is a large building it lacks the taproom that might be associated with an inn and yet the bedrooms are smaller than would be expected in a private residence. The portly Man quickly orders two young girls to begin heating water and making up beds, then begins to inform them of the rules that will apply to them while they are in residence. Breakfast is served early, the common room is theirs to use as they will so long as they do not destroy anything, as are their bedrooms. The dinning room, he tells them, is off limits unless during meal times and the family living space is in the attic and off limits entirely. Should he find any of them up there he will eject the entire Company immediately no matter that they seem to have the Master's favour. He eyes Bofur in particular with that statement, evidently having seen the wink that the hatted dwarf had directed at the older of the two girls. Baths will be provided in the three bathrooms as soon as the water becomes available. Billana isn't sure what she wants more, a bed to sleep in or a warm bath.

They disperse quickly, taking rooms for themselves and ensuring that space is set aside for Thorin, Ori and Balin. A few of them will need to share, but that is quickly solved by Fili and Kili volunteering along with Nori and Dwalin. The latter draws low whistles and cat calls from Bofur, Fili and Kili, but otherwise no one comments or asks. Ori, it is decided, will share with his eldest brother and that leaves the rest of them with a room each. The rooms don't contain much, a bed that must be large enough for two Men to share pushed against one wall, a dresser with drawers that go too high for Billana to reach and a chair of dubious soundness. It is a dim room, the window small and partially covered with a tattered lace curtain. On the opposite wall is a small fire place which has not been lit and the room carries the musty, damp smell of a place that has not been used or heated in some time.

Billana sets her pack carefully on the chair, though it is light and unlikely to bring the rickety thing crashing down. Then she hops onto the unmade bed, wandering what she will do with herself for the next little while. That question is quickly answered by a knock, before the door opens and Nori strides in.

"Come on," she says, "bath water's done and I need to get clean before that filthy bunch get there. All the lying in the Master's throne room has given me a headache." Nori grins. "Besides, they found us some clean clothes and I want first pick at it."

Billana follows rapidly, she could do with getting clean as well, and taking a nap in a fresh bed with clean skin is more appealing than the alternative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise to post with any regularity these days, what with all the course work, but what I do get done you'll get as soon as I have it. Besides, I'm a bit addicted to all the lovely comments that come in, so keep at it. It keeps my brain from running away and sobbing because of all the maths and science I'm doing.


	47. Boarding House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana is less nervous about bathing with Nori this time

Billana is less nervous about bathing with Nori this time than she was in Mirkwood. Then she had kept her eyes studiously averted, unsure of what would be considered acceptable. Now, having been assured by Fili and Kili that simply looking will not give any offence since dwarves bathe communally anyway, Billana allows herself to look. She can admit to being curious about the differences between the bodies of male and female dwarves, having seen Fili and Kili without their shirts more than once and without clothes entirely more than she probably should have as well. Kili especially. With her clothes on, Nori looks like any other dwarf; full beard, a vast quantity of hair, stocky and slightly broader than Men or hobbits. With her clothes off there is very little different as well, aside from the obvious. She has small breasts that are easily hidden by the multitude of layers that she wears and, like the others, she has a generous amount of hair on her chest anyway although it is rather less than Fili or Kili have.

"How do you tell the difference?" Billana asks when Nori catches her looking. "Between males and females I mean."

"You don't," Nori grins, relaxing back into the hot water with her auburn hair floating about her. Her eyebrows, which Billana had thought an addition or affectation, trail down the side of her face to nearly her jaw in tight waves from being braided. "You find someone you like, take them home and hope what's in their trousers is what you wanted for the night. If it doesn't work out that way there's plenty of toys to give you the option." Billana turns scarlet and Nori cackles in delight. "Most 'dams wear dresses when they don't interfere with their jobs or craft," she explains. "And even then there's always the eyebrows," she flicks the long strands away from her face. "For some reason they grow so long we either have to trim them constantly or braid them back into our hair," she elaborates.

Billana makes a small noise, no longer surprised that so many are willing to believe that there are no female dwarves if eyebrows is the only obvious clue they might have at any given time. She certainly never would have made the assumption that Nori's more elaborate eyebrow braids had anything to do with her gender at all. The hot water is relaxing and she follows Nori's example in leaning back in the water and allowing it to help soak the grime of their travels from her.

"Kili do that for you?" Nori asks, gesturing to the inking Kili had placed on her forearm at Beorn's. "Sensible," she comments, "and he does nice work. It certainly looks nicer than the last mark those boys gave you, although I doubt it was as much fun to get. You never _did_ tell me which one of them bites." Billana goes scarlet. "Just how much did you three get up to in that cell? Would I be proud?"

"I rather suspect that the kind of things that would make _you_ proud would probably make my mother roll over in her grave," she mutters without thinking before taking a horrified gasp.

Nori, however, hoots with laughter.

"You're probably right," she agrees, "but it's so much fun." She sobers quickly, however, looking at Billana with shrewd eyes. "They didn't push too far, did they?" She asks. "Because they aren't too big for me to tan their hides if you told them to stop and they didn't."

"What?" Billana exclaims, perplexed. "No, of course they didn't."

"Good," Nori nods. "Good sex is all about communication," she mutters as she relaxes back. "So make sure you tell them if it all gets too much. And then find me and tell me all the saucy details after. If you can _walk_."

Billana has nothing to say to that and shortly afterwards Dwalin bangs on the door to ask if they've finished stewing. She takes that as her cue to clamber out of the oversized tub and scrub herself dry with a rough towel as she looks through the pile of fresh clothes that have been left for them all to go through. There is plenty that might fit the dwarves, if a little tightly across the shoulders, but Billana is not as broad as they are. In fact, she's a little bit horrified at the amount of weight she has lost during this quest. She was always that little bit more slender than a proper hobbit should be, a side effect of not having the time or inclination to eat as many meals, but now her ribs are clearly showing and while she has more defined muscles than she did before, Billana knows that she isn't healthy as she is. The sooner they can finish this, the sooner she can start eating properly again. Eventually, she grabs the smallest tunic and pair of trousers that she can find, relieved to notice that they are made of thick wool rather than the thin fabric her own clothes had been made from.

"You're going to need boots," Nori says as she selects her own garments, waving her hand when Billana protests. "It gets cold here in winter," she informs the hobbit, "I've spent my share of them in this general area, even your tough hobbit toes will freeze off as soon as we get snow on the ground."

Put like that, Billana knows that Nori has a good point. Even in the Shire hobbits will wear boots if the snow cover is thick enough. They don't like it, but they will do it, and so will she as long as the boots they find for her aren't so heavy that she struggles to tolerate them. She only nods, however, and follows Nori out of the room while still using a towel to wring the worst of the water from her heavy curls. There's no sense in getting warm and dry only to get cold again because her hair has soaked through her shirt. Dwalin raises an eyebrow at them as they emerge, but when his eyes land on Nori he pulls the other dwarf close and mutters something that actually makes Nori flush. Though wildly curious, Billana isn't sure she wants to know what would bring that sort of expression onto the face of the worldly thief, so she carries on down the corridor to her room.

The fire has been lit and the bed covered with fresh, clean sheets and heavy blankets. Unlike the rest of the boarding house which shows definite signs of wear, these items are obviously newer and don't carry the same heavy smell of damp that permeates much of it. There is also a thick coat and when Billana picks it up she can see that it was made for a child. With the amount of weight she has lost, however, and her comparatively small stature next to Men and dwarves, it looks like it could fit her. She slips it on and immediately smells the scent of old mothballs, one of which she finds in a pocket. It fits, however, though the buttons are missing, and she pulls it tight around her so that she can relish the warmth of it before removing it again. She won't feel the benefit of it outside if she wears it around the boarding house and she intends on taking a nap before dinner.

Sleep finds her quickly, though it is restless and uneasy, and she is woken by a steady knock on her door after night has fallen. Kili is on the other side, looking much cleaner and well groomed with several braids woven into his hair. They're rather similar to the ones that Fili wears and she wonders if they have some significance that she isn't aware of. He offers her his arm with a silly little bow and a request that she join him for dinner. She laughingly accepts, although she can tell that he is concerned under the moment of levity and the reason for that becomes apparent when they enter the dinning room and Billana sees that Balin, Ori and Thorin still have not returned. Fili also looks worried when he looks up from his place at the table, and she quietly assures them that if there is no sign of their missing members by the time dinner is done she will try and find out what has happened.

Dinner is a fish pie, the pastry golden and flakey and the fish cooked to perfection. It is, perhaps, lacking slightly in seasoning, but none of the Company care as they fall upon their food and begin to eat. There are none of the jolly antics that they displayed in the Shire or Rivendell and Billana suspects that they are all too hungry to think about much more other than filling their stomachs. She hardly blames them, her last meal had been the better part of a slender doe the night before and she is no less ravenous. Fili and Kili serve her extra slices of pie, which she tries to refuse, only to be glared at by Fili until she continues eating.

The missing Company members return, under escort, just as dinner is drawing to a close and Billana's initial guilt at not leaving them any food eases when they say that they had dined with the Master as they negotiated the repayment for the necessary supplies and began to outline trade agreements for after the mountain has been reclaimed. Billana can't help but feel that they are, perhaps, being a little bit hasty in working through the latter, but she knows little of these kinds of things and she envies Thorin his certainty that they can achieve their goal. Now that they are so close to Erebor she isn't all that certain that she will be able to sneak past a sleeping dragon and take what they need in order to raise an army to defeat it.

Whether they will get everything they need without leaving Laketown without funds at all is in doubt. Thorin tells them that the Master is desperate to try and squeeze as much out of them as possible and if that means that they leave the town in debt so much the better by the standards of the Man. As it is, Billana suspects that use of the boarding house alone for a week will drain whatever funds they have remaining, and as the others disperse to get the sleep they all desperately need, she hears Nori quietly ask Thorin if he wants her there for the negotiations.

"As useful as it would be to have you there," Thorin sighs, "It was hard enough to convince him that Ori should return tomorrow. Look around the town and see what you can find out instead. _After_ you rest. The last few months have been hard and the worst is still ahead of us."

She leaves before she can hear what Nori says in reply, making her way back to her room and pausing only to receive an all too brief kiss from Fili and Kili. She doesn't undress when she clambers back into the bed, the warmth from her nap already dissipated and the fire all but out. She banks it, hopeful that it will last the night because, despite her earlier promise to the princes, she doesn't have the energy to change form again today. In fact, once this quest is over she promises herself that she isn't going to change shape for a month. While it had been a welcome escape in the Shire, it has become its own problem now.

Sleep refuses to come, even though her exhaustion still tugs at her. The room is too quiet and she is reminded of another silent room, in a far more peaceful place, where she couldn't find rest and the bed was too large. This is different. This isn't the loneliness of a lost girl battling against memories that had been dragged out to be examined. This is lying and feeling exposed, not having the quiet rumbles of voice and snores surrounding her with warm and comfort. This is the smell of damp and decay rather than leather and steel and the hints of oils and spice that make her think of safety and home. Spending so much time curled up with Fili and Kili in Mirkwood has apparently ruined her for sleeping alone. She would be annoyed about it, but she doesn't have the energy. Instead she gets out of bed, and putters to the next room down.

There is the sound of scuffling when she knocks, and when Fili opens the door he looks flushed and skittish.

"Kitten," she breathes when he sees her. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep," she replies, "do you mind if I come in with you?"

For a moment she thinks he might refuse the request, but then he gives her a gentle smile. She curls into the middle of the bed as soon as she gets into the room, hearing the door close behind her as both of the princes slide into bed with her.

Billana falls asleep with Kili's fingers in her hair and Fili's hand on her hip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accomplished much today, so I rewarded myself with writing time this evening (and after I picked the children up which is why Nori got a chapter today as well). I will get to Erebor eventually. I'm getting closer. I've given up consulting my notes. I know what I need to write and things keep popping out of the woodwork. For example: Nori's little chat with Billana at the beginning of the chapter. I don't know, but Nori insisted it had to happen. At this point I think I've stopped writing the story and the characters are doing it for me.


	48. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana wakes to the feeling of warm hands

Billana wakes to the feeling of warm hands and the soft brush of lips against her ear. It is a delightful sensation that she has become familiar with during their imprisonment by the elves and she lets out a happy sigh.

"Happy birthday, Kundith," Kili breathes from behind her.

She opens her eyes lazily, noticing the early morning sunlight filtering through the thin curtains. Fili's fingers skim softly over the skin of her stomach where her shirt has bunched up in the night. Before Mirkwood she might have felt self conscious about even that, and seeing just how different she is from a dwarf female the night before has brought up a few fears that she had hardly considered before. Now, however, she relishes the touch and the sleepy way that he smiles at her before leaning in and stealing a kiss as Kili's attentions move to her shoulder. She could stay here forever, she thinks, in this warm bed that is far more comfortable than a pile of coats on the floor of a cell. Just her, Fili and Kili, forget about Erebor and kings and dragons and stones. She could stay in this simple place with a simple life and she wouldn't think twice, at least for a short time, kissing and touching in a way that is becoming increasingly familiar and begins to feel more and more like it isn't quite enough, that she wants something more from them and that perhaps she needs to simply say it rather than hope that they will take the hint that she's ready for that next step.

"You're of age today, Kitten," Fili whispers just before a knock at the door startles them all apart. Thorin shouts through the door that he expects them in the dining room for breakfast and Fili's head drops. "A moment, Uncle," he calls back and sighs when they hear Thorin's boots stomping away. "That means Balin will be looking for you soon," he tells her and she huffs, all too soon reality is intruding upon them once more.

"I suppose he will be," she grumbles and immediately feels guilty. Balin has been very good to her, and she is immensely grateful to him and has come to love him dearly in much the same way as she loved her mother. She simply hadn't realised just how much she had become accustomed to be able to come and go as she pleases until she had had begun to court Fili and Kili. Then she registers what they had both said to her. "I wish I'd had time to get all of you presents," she adds as she climbs out of bed, only to turn and be met with confused faces.

"Why would you buy us anything?" Fili asks. "It's _your_ birthday."

"Don't you give gifts on birthdays?" She replies with a tilt of her head.

"We do," Kili is the first to slip his feet into his boots, "but we _receive_ them on our birthday, we don't give them."

"How strange," Billana mutters. "My people have always given gifts to others on our birthday."

Truthfully she has never really had much cause to do either. As a child she had given gifts to the few children permitted to associate with her and to family members, but as she had grown older the number of people willing to come to her parties had reduced to none in the year before her mother's death. Only her mother, grandfather, aunts and uncles had still received anything and after her mother's death Billana had failed to see the point in keeping up the practice. She had never received gifts even on family birthdays and so it had seemed a frivolous waste. This year, however, is different and now that she has people around her that she loves and cares about she had entertained the hope that, eventually, she would be able to resume the practice of gift giving. Even though her circumstances can hardly be helped she's still disappointed that it will have to wait another year, and even more so to learn that dwarves do not keep to the same practices as hobbits.

"The Men do it the same as we do," Fili assures her, "and Mahal only knows what the elves do." She should know, Billana thinks, but the twins have never mentioned it and it never occurred to her to ask. "That shouldn't stop you from doing it the hobbit way if you want to," he tells her.

"No," she shakes her head. "I'm going to be living in a dwarf mountain, I should celebrate how you do." Besides, doing things the hobbit way has never worked all that well for her anyway.

"Billana," Kili grabs her hand, "we aren't going to ask you to stop being a hobbit just because you're going to live in Erebor with us." She stares stubbornly at his chest, her jaw set, and he touches her cheek to encourage her to look at him. "You're our hobbit, Kundith, if you want to keep your own traditions no one is going to stop you."

"Thank you," she whispers, genuinely touched at the thought that they don't expect her to conform to _their_ traditions as the hobbits of the Shire would have. "But maybe I should try the dwarf way. Anyway, I doubt anyone else has had a chance to prepare anything and we need all of our funds for supplies."

They both grin at her and she decides that it might be better to end the conversation there rather than give them a chance to try and persuade her otherwise. She steps back and goes to the door, glancing over her shoulder at the pair of them when neither follows and seeing Kili's fingers flicker in the sign language that the dwarves all use with great proficiency. Another thing for her to convince them to teach her some time soon, especially as Ori seems to be caught with Thorin in the negotiations with the Master of Laketown.

Thorin is waiting for them when Billana arrives, Fili and Kili not far behind. The three of them are not the last to arrive, however, and Dwalin and Nori do no appear until breakfast is almost over. Nori's hair is once more in its customary peaks that make her seem taller and broader than she really is and she's wearing a satisfied smirk as she sits with a sigh. Bofur shoots her a baleful look, his expression tired.

"Could you two have _made_ much more noise last night?" He grouses, though the twinkle in his eyes shows that he is jesting, and Billana flushes while Nori smirks at him.

"Yes," she rolls her shoulders. "But we decided to have some consideration for the rest of you." Bofur makes a rude gesture in her direction. "There's no call for that," she laughs. "You'll get yours eventually, I'm sure there's some nice accommodating Woman in this cesspit who'll be happy to help you take the edge off."

"Is that an offer, lass?" Bofur winks at her, and Nori snorts as Dwalin makes a noise that rather resembles a growl. Then she says something in Khuzdul that makes Bofur shrug and Dori scold his sister. "Can't blame me for trying," the hatted dwarf says, and turns back to the thin porridge which makes up their breakfast.

" _If_ I could have your attention for a _moment_ ," Thorin cuts in through the resulting mix of laughter and raised voices. "There are some rules you will need to abide by while we are here."

"We're not dwarflings," Gloin objects.

"No," Thorin agrees, "but I do not trust the Master of this place and nor do I trust his people. None of you are to be alone unless in your rooms with the door locked. You certainly aren't to leave this boarding house in anything other than pairs. Ideally I would prefer if you were to move around in groups of three or four and only leave if you really need to, but I am aware of how impractical that is. The rule applies to _all_ of you," he looks sternly at Nori as he says it and she raises a braided brow mockingly. Billana suspects that the thief has no intentions at all of obeying that particular rule. "You, Billana, especially, should be careful."

"Me?" She squeaks.

"Aye, nathith," Balin sighs, "the Master took a great interest in you once you had departed with the others yesterday. You're the only member of the Company that he knows for certain is related to another, and he knows that Thorin listens to me. We're worried he might try and have you taken so that he can force us to agree to certain concessions that we would never otherwise consider."

"We know that they would not be able to hold you," Thorin adds before she cans say anything, though guilt fills her at the thought that the restrictions that the Company are suddenly under are due to her. "All the same, we would rather not risk you being hurt should an attempt be made. Nor are we in a position to give the proper response to such a thing."

"I understand," she whispers.

"We'll look after her, Uncle," Kili promises, and Thorin hums dubiously.

"I expect you all to conduct yourselves with honour while we're here," he continues. "Try not to pick too many pockets," he directs at Nori.

"No promises," she mutters, "there are a few too many here who _deserve_ to be liberated of some funds."

"Give it to Gloin, then," Thorin sighs. "We could use the extra coin to pay for what we need and they will not think too kindly on us if we bargain too hard."

"You would have me pay inflated prices for inferior goods?" Gloin demands.

"Of course not," Thorin shakes his head. "But our position is not as strong as we would like it and the Lake Men are aware of that. Finally, if you must-" he glances at Billana and then glares at Nori and Dwalin. "If you must _indulge_ , try and be discrete about it."

"I think all of Laketown must know what's going on between _those_ two after last night," Bofur winks, his good humour seemingly restored for the moment. "Well, if no one has any need of me, I think I'll go back to bed."

That sounds like an incredibly good idea to Billana and she gets to her feet with the intention of doing the same, as do several of the others.

"Whatever you're planning on doing," Nori says from her seat, "forget it. Balin gave me the funds we need to get you some boots and clothes that fit properly."

"Gave it, or you lifted it?" Dwalin asks with a yawn.

"Which do you think?" She asks him.

"I'd rather not know," he answers. "At least then when he asks I can give my reply honestly."

"We could have a lot more fun if you were a little less honest," Nori points out and Dwalin shrugs. "Come on, Billana," Nori gets up and wraps an arm around her shoulders, "the quicker we get this done, the sooner we get to see what your pretty princes have planned for your birthday."

With that Billana is almost dragged from the boarding house and out into the freezing streets of Laketown. The wood beneath her feet is cold and damp, a wetness that seems to seep through her skin and into her bones. As much as she dislikes the thought of wearing boots or shoes, she is beginning to see Nori's point on the matter as they traverse the bustling figures of big folk who have never had cause to learn to look down and at where they are putting their feet. More than once Billana narrowly misses having her feet stepped on, or gets bumped into so that she stumbles terrifyingly close to the edge of the walkways.

Nori drags both of them to various shops and stalls, ordering quantities of fabric that seem large to Billana, who is accustomed to making her own clothes, and examining what she does purchase carefully. She haggles the price, Billana suspects that dwarves are incapable of doing otherwise, but she doesn't do so as harshly as the one time Billana had seen Gloin in a town on the other side of the Misty Mountains. Some of the coins that Nori passes over are obviously that which has come with them from the Blue Mountains and the troll hoard. The rest look different and the only time Nori is questioned over them she replies that they have been shopping all morning and naturally they have been given change in Laketown coins. The suspicious stall owner subsides, but as they walk away Nori hands Billana four rather lovely silver buttons.

"Happy birthday," she says, and Billana knows that these were not among the purchases that are to be delivered to the boarding house.

"Did you-?" She trails off and Nori grins.

"You've a good eye," she smirks. "He over charged us, that leather certainly isn't the best I've ever encountered, but it will do for a pair of soft boots to keep your toes warm. I took those to make up the difference."

"Won't he notice?"

"Later, maybe, and doubtless he'll blame us," Nori shrugs, "but by the time he _does_ miss them it'll be far too late to prove we had anything to do with it." She changes direction. "Last one and we'll head back," she says, "I could do with a hot bath."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was getting out of hand so I cut it back. Hopefully, I'll have the rest of her birthday up in a couple of days.


	49. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch is being served by the time that they return to the boarding house.

Lunch is being served by the time that they return to the boarding house. Dori is still in the common room, and he is waving off Bombur's soft insistence that he needs to eat something as he examines the fabrics that Nori had selected and that have already been delivered.

"I had forgotten how good your eye is for these things," he comments to his sister as he holds up a length of green brocade. "This is just her colour."

"Of course it is," Nori scoffs, "I didn't spend half of my adolescence helping you and learn nothing, you know."

"Well, before you go and eat, Billana," Dori sniffs, "come here so I can get you measured. I should be able to get something suitable cut and started while you eat and bathe. Then you can come and have it fitted." Billana obeys, removing the coat that she had belted closed and holding her arms out while Dori fusses around her with a tape. "You're practically bones," he tuts. "We'll need to make sure we get a few really good meals into you while we're here, have a chat with Master Ambers, will you Bombur, and ask if we can have use of the kitchen to get Billana fed up."

"Anyone would think _he_ was the one who'd adopted you," Nori mutters to her and Billana giggles. "Not that I disagree with him mind."

"That's something I never thought I would hear," Dwalin grunts. "Now, if we could eat?"

"You don't have to stay," Nori reminds him. "I'm just staying to make sure Dori doesn't forget to let our hobbit go."

"Of course I won't forget," Dori grouses. "I never thought I would see the day when _you_ started to mother someone." He falls abruptly silent, staring at his sister with wide eyes. "I apologise, I didn't-"

"It was a long time ago, Dori," Nori sighs. "Are you done?" Dori nods. "Come on, Billana, lets get some food and then a hot bath. Better not to rush though," she adds with a grin at Dori, "no need to spend more time with the fusspot than necessary.

Dori huffs but doesn't rise to the bait as he normally would and Billana follows Nori silently. The dinning room is unlocked and there is a spread of cold meats, pies and bread on the table with cheese and preserves in abundance. Billana fills her plate and, after a glare from Dwalin, goes back for a second helping as Fili and Kili enter and begin to serve their own meal. They pass a delightful hour discussing Billana's shopping trip with Nori and Kili takes the opportunity to tease Dwalin about his role as bodyguard to a thief and a shapeshifter. Dwalin grouses at the dark-haired prince, but it is good natured and Billana watches them trade barbs and throw the occasional morsel of bread or cheese at each other. Fili is quieter, contemplative, and he gestures a few times in Nori's direction, something which the thief returns and that seems to bring a smile of satisfaction to Fili's face. Then he nudges his brother and between them they clear up the mess that Kili and Dwalin have made before dropping a quick kiss on Billana's head and departing.

Billana actually gets to relax in the bath on her own once they have eaten. Nori disappears briefly with Dwalin, only to poke her head into the bathroom to tell Billana that they can meet in Dori's room as soon as the hobbit is ready. She very nearly falls asleep in the hot water as she relaxes, careful not to get her hair wet again while she soaks and washes, and it is only the chill that comes with the bath cooling that stops her from dozing off entirely. She towels herself dry quickly, chaffing her skin to get some warmth back into it, and then slips her clothes back on.

Dori's room isn't far away and she knocks before entering. The silver haired dwarf has brought a low box into the room and he already had the green brocade cut, pinned and laid out on the bed along with some simple cotton pieces which she suspects are undergarments. Nori is already there, nimble fingers working to place tiny, neat, stitches into something light and slightly gauzy that Billana doesn't remember seeing her look at. The thief grins when she see the hobbit, and winks, then turns back to her work. Dori doesn't comment, just grabs a cushion that bristles with more pins than Billana recalls ever seeing in one place and gestures for her to get onto the box.

What follows in an hour of torture. Dori twists her this way and that, pins and tucks and drapes all manner of pieces of fabric in place as Nori sews and hums in the corner. The cotton undergarments are dealt with first, a few new breast bands and a simple shift with light stays. Dori comments that he wishes they had time to provide her with a proper corset and Nori scoffs at it, reminding her brother that there is hardly anything _to_ Billana for the corset to work with. She can't even be annoyed about the observation, because it's true enough. Once Dori is happy the three of them sit down to work on the items of clothing. Billana doesn't sew as quickly as the dwarves, due to lack of practice, but she is good enough to work on the simple lines of the shift and undergarments, while Nori concentrates on the stays and helps Dori with the hems and sleeves on the brocade garment.

"You didn't get any buttons," Dori huffs later as he's making an adjustment to what has turned out to be a green brocade dress.

"Billana has some," Nori replies, her little piece done and tucked behind her with several of the undergarments. "They were a birthday present, probably in the pocket of her coat in the common room. Why don't you get them while I make those last adjustments?"

Dori raises an eyebrow but Nori doesn't move and there is no possible way that Billana can go when she is wearing little more than shift and stays under the dress. Nori helps Billana out of the dress under his watchful eye so that none of the pins get knocked out, then he huffs and leaves the room. As soon as he is gone Nori grabs the gauzy thing she had been working on, a short, sleeveless shift in a shear blue fabric that, once on, will leave little to the imagination.

"Get that shift and those stays off," she says, "and put that on. Quick, I hid the buttons so it'll take Dori a few minutes to find them."

"Why?" She asks, staring at the flimsy thing.

"Because I know what your princes have planned for you tonight," Nori grins, "and, believe me, they'll really appreciate finding that under your dress." Her fingers are flying through the stitches far more rapidly than they have all day, each one crisp and neat even in the dull lamp light that they're now working with. "I promise, they will be _very_ appreciative of it, and there's nothing better than a dwarf when he's being appreciative." She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

Billana still hesitates, wondering what Fili and Kili would really think if they found her in something like this. Certainly in the Shire it would be frowned upon, the one time that Billana remembers seeing something like this in the Shire she had been young and the plain fabric had been purchased by her mother to use as light curtains in the spare bedroom. Bungo had been furious when he had first seen it, calling her mother all manner of names that Billana hadn't understood at the time. Now she _does_ understand them and seeing what Nori has created she realises that Bungo had assumed her mother had intended to make something similar. It makes defiance coil in her, not directed at Nori because there is no reason to go against the 'dam. She wants nothing more to defy every one of those words that her step-father had flung at her mother. Wearing this little thing will be the first step and she slips it on quickly. Nori nods in satisfaction, running her eyes over Billana and grinning.

"Perfect," she breathes, "when we have more time and resources remind me to get a few of these for myself. We'll find ourselves a good seamstress."

She helps Billana into the dress once more. It is heavy and warm and Billana is amazed that they have managed to finish it in so short a time even with two of them working on it. In her experience dresses take far longer, but then she has never seen needles move quite so rapidly as those in the hands of dwarves and her mother never had more than an hour here and there to dedicate to dress making, much the same as Billana rarely has the chance to sit down and sew for long periods. Dori returns just as Nori is checking the fit of the waist, scowling at his sister suspiciously while holding the silver buttons Nori had stolen.

"Let's get these on," he says rather than voicing his suspicions, "they're serving dinner downstairs and it wouldn't do for the birthday girl to be late."

Billana hasn't celebrated her birthday since her mother died, she hasn't really seen the point when there has never been anyone to celebrate it with her. Being made to feel special in this way is foreign to her, and she suspects that the dwarves know it from the way that they are making so much effort. She loves them for that even if she feels like they could have spent the day putting effort into something more practical than a heavy dress that won't have any use when travelling to steal from a dragon. Balin, however, seems to disagree if his smile when she emerges from Dori's room is anything to go by.

"You look stunning, nathith," he tells her. "I'm glad to see that Nori put my purse to good use. Dori," he looks at the silver haired dwarf behind her, "as always, you've outdone yourself."

"Think of it as my gift to her," Dori replies, "no charge." Balin chuckles and even Billana has to grin at that one. Dori has been repairing their clothes tirelessly during the quest as part of his contract, his talent being put to good use for the benefit of the Company in much the same way that others have done.

The pair of them escort her down the hall and stairs, Nori lingering in the background silently. In truth, Billana feels over dressed, the others are still wearing their poorly fitting clothes that the Men have provided and she knows that Dori will have his work cut out for him to make replacement tunics, at least, for everyone before they have to leave in order to reach the mountain by Durin's Day. For tonight, however, she pushes the worry aside and focuses on the celebration. The dwarves are determined to celebrate and, much as it was at Beorn's, Billana suspects that this is as much a genuine desire to celebrate with her as it is a need to relax after the trials of simply getting this far. She can't be upset that there might be a secondary motive. The dwarves deserve to enjoy themselves as much as anyone else and the road this far has been a hard one.

They all eat too much, and the abundance of dwarven style dishes tells Billana that Bombur must have taken over the kitchen to prepare the feast in front of them. She wonders how much extra this night of merry making will set them back, whether they can truly afford the extra coin, but even Thorin looks more at ease than he has in weeks and if _he_ isn't concerned with it then she tells herself to let the matter drop. Ale is freely available, although after a pint of it Billana switches to water and notes with curiosity that the princes do the same. Balin nods at them approvingly, although he is on his fifth pint at this point and decidedly merry, and Bofur pulls his clarinet out from _somewhere_ , starting up a merry tune which Fili joins with a flourish on an old violin which had been sat in the corner. Kili proceeds to teach her a few dwarf dances, most of which she spends making sure he doesn't accidentally step on her toes, passing her off to Ori before bowing gallantly in front of Nori and offering to save her from Dwalin's lumbering efforts. That earns him a cuff across the back of the head, but doesn't dampen his spirits as he instead entreats Dori to join them. Billana is surprised to see the very proper dwarf join in the dance, followed by others who aren't dancing, and Ori passes her back to Kili before slumping at a table having obviously indulged in a little too much ale. Nori flits from partner to partner, Dwalin relieves Fili of his violin and passes it to Thorin. The dwarf king sighs and takes it, though obviously not as familiar with the instrument as Fili he still plays surprisingly well.

"Come on," Kili takes her hand and leads her to the door of the common room.

Fili has already disappeared and she suspects that she knows where he is. It doesn't stop her from feeling nerves fluttering through her at the thought that he is waiting for her in the room that he shares with his brother. Only that morning she had been so certain that she was ready to take the next step with them. Only that morning she had found herself contemplating the fact that touches and kisses and deft fingers didn't really seem like enough. Still she follows, Kili's hand tight around hers and she wonders if he is as nervous as she is. She doesn't ask, doesn't need to, the corridor is dark but he turns his head to look down at her and smiles. Then his lips are on hers and this is no sweet and chaste thing. Her hands come up to tangle in his wild hair as he grips her hips, pressing her back against the wall and they stay that way for a time, her nerves soothed and lost with the heat that his kiss makes flood through her. She whines when he stops and pulls away.

"Fili's waiting for us," he reminds her, though he looks as desperate to kiss her again as she is to _be_ kissed.

They linger for a moment longer, then he takes her hand and squares his shoulders. For a moment she wonders if he has decided he wants to keep her for himself regardless of his promise to his brother, then he grins and starts moving again, practically dragging her along the hall until they reach the room that the brothers share. The door opens to reveal Fili, already stripped down to his trousers, waiting for them. The room is aglow with globes of softly shining mage light, the fire lit and roaring, and the damp smell that she has noticed since their arrival is masked with herbs. A basket sits on the chair that takes up one corner of the room, filled with fresh bread, cheese, ham and a bottle of wine. He holds a hand out to her and she takes it in silence, staring around the room and then meeting his blue eyes with her amber ones, until he lowers his head and caresses her lips with his. Warmth still fills her from Kili's kiss and while Fili's lacks the desperate passion displayed by his brother it does nothing to to dampen the flames that Kili has stirred within her.

She feels Kili slip the little buttons on the back of her dress open, feels his warm hands on her shoulders as his smooths the dress away, and she is lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few things to note: I took a couple of liberties with the instruments they play. The book states that Thorin plays the harp, but there is nothing to indicate that he doesn't play another instrument. In fact, Tolkien hints that some of the dwarves possibly play more than one as they used violins and harps to make music in Laketown. So I gave Thorin the violin as well. 
> 
> I will get around to writing their night together and posting it in the deleted scenes (rather than up the rating of this not so little story) but it won't be for a couple of weeks due to: a) half term so the kids are home, b) I've got an assignment due at the end of this week, c) the house is leaking so I need to fix it, d) when I'm not fixing the leak I've got painting to finish in GDK's bedroom so that we can move on to SM's shortly.


	50. Time Passes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is nearing mid-afternoon when Billana wakes

It is nearing mid-afternoon when Billana wakes. The weeks in Mirkwood have made her accustomed to waking in the middle of a tangle of limbs, apparently dwarves are much like wolves in the way that they seek their family members for warmth and protection in the night. Having once spent so many weeks as a wolf during a harsh winter, and growing up with various furry companions, Billana is just as accustomed to this practice as her dwarves and aside from some early embarrassment in the mornings she has grown to love waking up surrounded as she is. It is a little bit different when she wakes up completely naked, slightly sticky and pressed between two equally bare bodies. Bodies which show the interest of her companions as clearly as the amazed and loving expressions on their faces. She hisses when they touch her, a sharp intake of breath at how tender she feels and they withdraw in understanding. She expects disappointment from them, some dark voice in her mind that sounds like Camellia Sackville-Baggins insists that they will cast her aside. They have what they wanted, they'll want her as long as she goes along with their plans and if she shies away now it will only prove just how useless and defective she is. She wants to scream at the voice to be silent, to stop, to leave her alone because there has never been any sign that either prince would treat her that way, but it keeps going, keeps whispering. She feels her breath speed up and tears gather in her eyes, she can't lose them, she can't push them away, she wants them and needs them and loves them and surely they must know it.

"Open your eyes, Kitten," Fili says from above her. She opens eyes she hadn't realised that she had closed to find them both looking down at her. Fili is calm but Kili looks like he is on the edge of panicking and that baffles her. "Deep breath in," Fili orders, "hold it. And breathe out." She follows his instructions as he repeats them, feels the despair that had tried to take her into its grasp fade back enough that she can sit up and fling herself into Fili's arms. "Get her some of that wine, Kili," Fili orders softly.

"No," she breathes, reaching out blindly to grab Kili's hand and drag him close. "Stay, please stay."

He slides in next to them, tangling his fingers into her hair for a moment and she winces when he finds a snarl. He untangles it gently and she remembers how light his touch had been the night before, how impossibly careful they had both been with her. She understands why now, her body twinging with the unfamiliar use and reminding her that with the wonder of the previous night had come the pain and discomfort her mother had always told her to expect the first time. Pain they had quickly eased and stolen and hidden with the deep and all consuming joy that their touch had called forth. Her memories ease her fears a little, remembering their words and actions and assurances, and the warm strength of them that surrounds her reminds her that they are here, they haven't left her alone or turned away.

"What happened?" Fili asks.

"It doesn't matter," she whispers, shaking her head.

"It does," Kili insists, "you frightened us, Kundith. Do you regret-"

"No!" She exclaims, pulling away from Fili so that she can stare at his brother. "No, I could never, I just- I couldn't-"

She grumbles in frustration when the words won't come. She needs to tell them, this isn't something that she wants to keep on hearing in her mind every time they come together like this. Finally the words come spilling out and the brothers listen in silence as she tells them of the poison that Camellia had dripped into her ears over the years. She tells them of the conversations that she overheard between other hobbit wives. For the most part, hobbits marry for love, but there have been plenty of occasions where love has been nothing more than infatuation on one side and skilled manipulation on the other, or necessity born of indiscretion. She confesses that before she left the Shire her grandfather had told her that he would be looking for a suitable husband for her as soon as she came of age so that she would be protected when he passed on, trapped in much the same way that her mother had been.

"Your people find that acceptable?" Kili demands. "Couples bound by lies? Wives forced to submit to their husbands regardless of their wishes?"

"It isn't so different among Men," Fili growls and turns blazing eyes on her. "One of these days, Kitten, I am going to forget the importance of this quest, go to the Shire and burn the whole place to the ground." She shrinks back from his anger and his face falls. "That would _never_ be permitted among dwarves. When we fall in love, we do so with our entire being. I cannot imagine loving someone and forcing them to do something against their will. I cannot imagine forcing _you_ to do anything against your will. I would cut off my own arm before I used it to hurt you, Billana. We _both_ would."

"We love you," Kili tells her simply, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. "In case that wasn't clear last night or just now." His voice is soft in her ear but given the way he is holding her she cannot turn to see his expression.

The confirmation is on Fili's face, the way that he leans in and brushes his lips across hers so lightly that it almost isn't quite a kiss, how he pushes her hair behind her ear and his fingers linger. She leans against Kili, drawing Fili close so that he has to lie with his head on her lap and his lips brush against the soft skin of her stomach, drawing a happy sigh from her. They stay this way for a while, and Billana finds herself falling into a light doze with her princes.

"We should get up," she whispers finally, "everyone will wonder where we are."

"They've probably worked it out by now," Kili mutters, sounding as sleepy as she feels and embarrassment flares.

"It's late, Kitten," Fili points out, apparently content to stay where he is, "If they hadn't worked it out they would have already come looking for us." He yawns and sits up reluctantly. "You are, however, correct, we should be helping to get things together for when we depart. I can't imagine Uncle wants to linger long once the finer details have been hammered out." Kili groans, but the sound carries a note of agreement and Billana knows that she should be helping as well.

Billana pulls the beautiful dress that Dori made her back on, then hurries to her rooms to find her other clothes. Nori is lying on the bed, twirling a dagger between her fingers and looking positively gleeful when she sees Billana enter the room. For a moment the hobbit fears that the thief is going to ask for details about her night, but Nori only hands her a packet of herbs to soak into her bath which will help with any lingering ache. The wink as she says it tells Billana exactly what she means but the thief leaves before anything else can be added and Billana decides to take the opportunity to wash before dressing. Soaking in the tub is another way of avoiding the attention and notice of the rest of the Company, but eventually the water cools and she has to dress and join them.

No one mentions her late entrance, or asks her where or who she has been with. In truth, it looks like a miracle that Bofur is even out of bed, his eyes rimmed in red and his head cushioned on the table as he lifts his head periodically to take a grimacing swig from a large tankard. Ori isn't in much better condition and Dori is shaking his head and clucking over his younger brother while his needle flashes through the tunic is he sewing. Beside him is a completed piece with a pile of others to be started. There is no sign of Oin or Gloin, though she hears Bombur say that word that the dwarves have a healer has gotten out and that Oin has gone to do whatever he can for whatever coin that he can make. Bifur is examining an old chair with a block of wood in hand, occasionally shaving off a piece to use as a wedge while he repairs it and Bombur is writing at a small side table. Kili and Fili are both sharpening various blades when she looks over at them, a piece of parchment covered in the angular runes that dwarves prefer set out in front of them. They both smile at her and she debates joining them until her eyes land on the amount of work Dori has sitting at his feet. She offers to help him instead and the thanks her gratefully.

That offer comes to haunt her over the following days and she rapidly finds herself getting to the stage where she hopes she never sees another needle or tunic that needs mending again. It serves to keep her close under the watchful eyes of the others, however, something she is grateful for one afternoon nine days later when Nori waltzes in and announces that the Master's lackey is watching the boarding house from across the street. The thief isn't concerned, but Thorin, who has since concluded his negotiations with the Master of Laketown, is immediately alert. Billana hasn't slept in her own room since the first evening in the floating town and by this stage all of the Company know it. None of them comment, even Balin has done little more than assure her that if she needs anything he will be there to help her. She has probably become a little bit too accustomed to curling up with Fili and Kili, but from the way that Thorin reacts to the news that Alfrid is lurking nearby she wonders if it isn't a good thing that she spends all of her nights in with them. From the way that they shift nearer to her, she suspects that they feel the same way.

It doesn't occur to her that there might be a problem until late two days later. She is with Kili in the common room, though they should have retired hours earlier, curled on a loveseat that is hidden from both windows and the entrance to the boarding house. She has a book in her hand and even though it is a ridiculously contrived romance between an elf and a dwarf they have been enjoying taking turns in reading it. Fili had rolled his eyes at them a while ago and retired to bed, declaring that the story was ridiculous enough without the voices they insist on adding and the over dramatic acting that follows. He had kissed her goodnight, reminded her that she was more than welcome to abandon her amateur theatrics for a different type of fun entirely, and gone to bed with a jaw cracking yawn. Thorin is eager to be out of Laketown and he has been pushing everyone hard to gather supplies. When that is added to the restrictions upon them in this place Billana doesn't blame any of them for wanting to be on the road. She is just beginning to read the first sentence of the final chapter, already able to see that this story is going to end in tragedy, when Kili hushes her softly. She listens, wondering what he might have heard that she has missed, and is startled when he hisses for her to change. She doesn't even consider ignoring him, shifting into her preferred alternative form of a cat and he tucks her clothes behind him as he lounges on the loveseat with the book. Billana curls up on his stomach and he runs his fingers through her fur, dragging a purr from her even though she can feel how tense he is beneath her.

"Can I help you?" He asks when three Men march into the common room.

"Where's your hobbit?" Alfrid sneers and Kili nudges her gently.

"What do you want with her?" Kili replies, turning so that he can stand as she leaps to the floor. "Do Thorin and her father know you're looking for her?"

It's hint enough to go and find his uncle and she prowls from the room, pausing to wind around the legs of one of the guards with Alfrid who sneers and kicks her away with his foot. It isn't a hard blow and she simply rocks to the side, sparing him a hiss and then marching from the room with her nose in the air exuding offended pride. As soon as she is in the corridor the unaffected act vanishes and she darts up the stairs to Thorin's room. The door is closed and locked when she shifts back so that she can open it and she grumbles a vicious curse. Her vocabulary has expanded considerably during the months she has been travelling with the Company and she utilises it to the fullest under her breath. She doesn't want to bang on the door to wake him and alert Alfrid and his two guards to the fact that she is here. Nor does she want to leave Kili alone with them for any longer than she has to. A flicker of light from under the next door catches her attention, Balin is still awake and she pushes the door open quickly.

"What's wrong?" Balin demands as soon as he looks up. She's naked, she realises, and the hour is late, he must have instantly thought the worst. "You must be freezing." He throws his battered coat around her.

"The Master's man, Alfrid, he's in the common room with Kili, he was looking for _me_ ," she whispers. Balin's expression turns thunderous.

"Go to Fili," he orders, "I'll rouse Thorin and we'll deal with it."

"I should come with you," she insists.

"No," Balin snaps quickly. "They don't know about your magic and I want to keep it that way. Stay with Fili and tell him to keep you safe, do you hear me, lass?" She nods reluctantly. "Go on then. Get some rest if you can, after this development I should imagine Thorin will have us on the road as soon as the sun rises."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's easy to forget that Billana has suffered at the hands of the other hobbits, whether deliberately or not, and it pops up when I'm not quite expecting it to. At this point this story is basically writing itself.


	51. A Rapid Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili is, understandably, furious

Fili is, understandably, furious when she goes to him and tells him what is happening in the common room. He reaches for his clothes and is halfway dressed before Billana can give him the message that Balin told her to pass on.

"He expects me to wait up here while those _Men_ make Mahal only knows what kinds of false claims?" He snaps. "While those who would come for you in the middle of the night would threaten my brother?" He clenches his fists at his side and closes his eyes. "The thought of either one of you being in danger without me being there to protect you-" he mutters. "He could have at least sent you to Nori and Dwalin, I would trust them with your life if Kili and I couldn't be there to guard it." She is almost hesitant when she approaches him, reaching up to touch his cheek and he leans into the touch with a heavy sigh. "I am glad you chose us, Kitten," he whispers.

She is still learning the differences between them, she knows. Both of them are fiercely protective of one another and both are protective of her, but as always it seems to manifest differently. Kili is always willing, even when trying to keep her safe, to allow her to make the choice on how that is achieved. Fili, even with his promises to the contrary, will always try to keep both of them from danger and when that cannot be done he will stand in front of them until it has passed or taken him first. Fili's temper rarely flares, but when it does she has noticed that it is in situations where he feels completely helpless.

"Tell me about your father?" She asks into the silence, trying to take both of their thoughts away from whatever might be happening below, and he looks down at her with startled eyes. "You've told me about your mother, but never your father. Is he-?"

"Dead?" Fili finishes softly. "Yes, they _both_ are." She gives him a confused frown and he leads her to the bed so that they can rest comfortably together, lying on his back and pulling her so that she is resting her head against his chest. "My fathers were brothers," he continues. "It isn't unusual among dwarves for siblings to fall in love with the same person. Sometimes that can make things difficult, but for our mother and fathers it was completely natural. Their names were Morvanli and Suli, which is why when we introduce ourselves it's as the sons of Dis. Both of them were our fathers, but only one sired us and there is no real way to know which." She hums.

"I know a little bit about what that's like," she mutters.

"Did your mother never give you _any_ indication of who it might be?" He asks gently.

"None," she shakes her head against him, "she just used say that she would tell me when the right time came. I suppose it never did. It truly never mattered to your people?"

"Never," he shrugs. "It didn't matter to our fathers either. It just is. They would have adored you, Kitten," Fili continues. "Although if they had lived they would never have allowed us to come on this quest, and I think they would have insisted on you staying in Rivendell, or having you sent to our mother in Ered Luin. Uncle always says they were too protective of us but-" he shifts, shrugging as best he can while lying on his back.

"What did they look like?"

"I take after them the most in looks," Fili replies, "except for my eyes, Kili has their eyes. Morvanli was taller and broader that Dwalin, I wear my braids like he did in his memory. He was a leather worker, for all his great size he made the most delicate pieces. Suli was shorter, but similar in build to Kili, and a jeweller. Our mother hasn't been the same since they passed, but she didn't argue with uncle when he said that we should be a part of this quest."

"Do you ever wish you had stayed behind?" She whispers, not sure what answer she would prefer to receive.

"Sometimes," he admits, "but if I had stayed I would never have found _you_ and since I can't imagine my world without you in it anymore-"

The door slams open, cutting off whatever Fili was about to say, and Kili storms in with her clothes tightly clutched in his hands.

"Get dressed and packed," he says, his entire being tight with anger. "Uncle wants us ready to cross the bridge as soon as the gate opens."

"What happened?" Fili demands, sitting up as Billana catches the clothes that Kili throws in her direction. Most of her belongings have made their way into this room since that first night and it is the work of a moment for her to begin to dress. Fili, however, remains resolutely still, glaring at his brother. "All Billana knew was that the Master's lackey came looking for her. Why?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Kili snaps. "It's not like he was going to tell us the truth, I didn't need Nori there to see that." He meets his brother's scowl with one of his own.

"Make an educated guess," Fili hisses, "I'm sure Balin had a few and I'm sure he shared them with you and Thorin both." Kili glances at her significantly and Fili shifts. "Billana deserves to know as well," he declares and she sees Kili's eyebrows shoot up.

Billana is no less surprised than the younger prince. Given their past she would have expected Fili to back away and allow her to remain ignorant of whatever dark purpose the Men might have wished her for. The world, she has learnt, is a bleak place and she would rather understand it than remain as ignorant as she always has been. She nods at Kili, hoping that he takes it as her agreement with his brother and is relieved when he sighs and looks at his hands.

"Balin says that the Master of Laketown has been trying to push certain terms within the contract they were creating," he mutters after a moment. "One of them was that a blood alliance should be formed between our Company and Laketown." Billana bites her lip to keep from interrupting. She already knows that as the only obviously female member of the Company the Master will have been thinking of her. "For obvious reasons Balin refused to even consider the idea," Fili nods, but Billana stares at them both, utterly perplexed. It doesn't happen often but on occasion in the Shire a father has been known to refuse permission for his daughter to marry a lad he feels is unsuitable.

"That won't happen," Fili assures her when she mentions it. "Aside from the fact that I'd like to think there isn't anyone more suitable for you than Kili and I," his brother smirks briefly, "this is _your_ decision. Not ours, or Balin's, or the Master of the Men of Laketown. It is considered a serious crime among our people to try and take a 'dam's choice from her, no matter what that choice may be. Balin might have been able to approach you and ask you to consider it, but I doubt that even crossed his mind." She nods and Kili takes that as his cue to continue.

"Apparently, the Master didn't believe that Balin's reasons for refusal were valid," Kili hisses. "He sent his minion to escort Billana to him. From what he told us, we think that the Master intended to force a situation where, by the customs of _Men_ , Billana would have been forced to marry him." Kili doesn't have to go into more detail than that, just the expression on Fili's face, which speaks very clearly of a desire to do extreme violence upon the person of the Master and his creature, tells her that her suspicions are likely correct.

"But I'm nothing important," she insists, "why would he be so insistent?"

"You're Balin's daughter," Fili reminds her. "He was likely hoping that once he had you tied to him, we would give in to all manner of demands to prevent him from mistreating you."

Billana can feel the bile rising in the back of her throat. This is something that she had never even thought to consider as a possible consequence of her joining the Company. Nor of her accepting Balin's offer to become her father. It hadn't occurred to her that by tying herself to the dwarf she would be raising her position in the world to the point where she might be in as much danger due to her importance as she had been in the Shire due to the fact that they found her very existence undesirable. It doesn't matter that their plan could never have succeeded, she would have changed form before allowing them to take her and the likelihood is that she would have been in this room with Fili and Kili anyway so they wouldn't have found her. Nor, however, would they have been aware of the plot to take her and she cannot help but wonder what that might have led to.

"We need to get packed," Kili reminds them, "we've got time but Uncle doesn't want us caught unprepared if someone comes looking for the ones sent to take you."

She nods, though guilt nags at her over the fact that they have to leave. She knows, deep down, that this is nothing to do with her and is simply the unreasonable demands of a cruel and greedy Man, but it doesn't make her feel any better about the fact that her presence is causing them these problems. Perhaps, she thinks bitterly, she _should_ have stayed in Rivendell. Then she meets Kili's worried eyes and she knows that she couldn't give this up for anyone. She goes to him and he takes her into his arms, whispering his thanks to her for doing as he had asked without question.

"How did you know they would come for me?" She asks softly.

"I didn't," he replies, "but I didn't like the way either of them looked at you when we arrived so I warded your room while you were bathing."

"I'm glad you did," she breathes.

"So am I," Fili agrees, placing his now full pack next to the door. "Do you still have the knife we gave you?"

"It's in my room," Billana admits.

"We'll come with you to get the rest of your things," Fili declares. "After what just nearly happened I'm not sure that I want you out of my sight for a while. It might be best if you keep that knife with you all the time as well," he adds and she nods her agreement.

The three of them traipse down the corridor to her room, able to hear the shrill tone of Master Ambers demanding answers over the sudden activity of the Company. They don't stop to listen, though Billana suspects that Thorin is telling the Man about the attempted kidnapping. She also suspects that if Alfrid wanted to know where she was supposed to be sleeping, the owner of the boarding house will have been the one to tell him. She has no idea whether she has ever been seen leaving Fili and Kili's room by anyone other than the other members of the Company, but she suspects that this information would have made it to Alfrid if she had and things would have ended very differently.

In the end it doesn't take them long to gather the last of her belongings. Her dress is folded carefully and packed, though she doubts that she will need it any time soon it isn't something that she is willing to leave behind. Her coat is pulled on, as well as the soft leather boots that Nori had instructed Kili in making. Knowing that one of Kili's father's specialised in leather work goes a way to explaining how Kili knew what Nori wanted him to do. The boots aren't as comfortable as she had hoped that they would be, but that is down to the fact that she isn't accustomed to wearing them rather than a mistake on Kili's part. She slides the little dagger into her belt, next to her small elvish sword and they quickly join the others in the common room.

The three Men are all unconscious, which Billana is relieved about, and they remain that way. For all that it has taken a remarkably short amount of time to rouse the Company and pack, it takes longer to gather their supplies and get them settled on the two ponies that they had managed to purchase. Billana finds herself looking at the vast quantities of dried beans, cured meat and cram with distaste. It isn't the most exciting of future diets and though she knows that the chances are slim she hopes that they can find something to hunt before they reach the mountain. In the end it is nearly dawn before they are certain that they have managed to get everything they need together and they settle their bill quickly. For all the good memories that Billana has made here, she will not miss Laketown. They move through the streets at a good pace and reach the bridge just as the gate is being opened.

The Company leaves without challenge and they finally start to make their way around the great lake towards the mountain the looms over the landscape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Morvanli and Suli (pronounce Soo-lee) will feature in Trickster's Sight, briefly but there you are, and I had a bugger of a time coming up with names. In the end I scoured the Celtic baby names book that I've been hoarding and adapted two names: Morvan meaning "great fair one" and Sulian (Soo-lee-an) meaning sun-born. Because obviously they perfectly fit my inner image of the pair of them.


	52. Transition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pace Thorin sets is rapid

The pace Thorin sets is rapid and no one complains about it, all of them eager to put Laketown behind them. If Laketown is the nearest place for the dwarves to trade once Erebor is reclaimed Billana can see it becoming a source of difficulty in the future. She hopes that she is wrong. It would be nice for Erebor to have an easy relationship with at least _one_ of its neighbours, and that is unlikely with the way they were received in Thranduil's Halls. The wind is already biting and she huddles into her coat as they walk, her gait awkward due to the unusual sensation of boots on her feet. The mountain, she has been told, is a little over a week away by pony and it will likely take slightly longer on foot.

For the first time in longer than she had realised, Billana thinks of the Shire and feels an unexpected pang of homesickness. So many of her memories of that place are coloured by the way that Bungo and many of the other hobbits treated her, sometimes she forgets that before her mother died there had been times of joy as well. There had even been times when the other hobbits had included her without their usually caustic comments and thinly veiled insults. In the Shire they would still be harvesting the crops, the days still clinging to the last lingering warmth of a summer that has long passed this far north. Harvest is a time of great industry in the Shire, more so than even the spring planting, and every extra hand was welcomed. Even the hands of a bastard child that the less kind hobbits would chase away with cruel words and stones.

Not all of her fellows had been cruel to her, she can still think of Edelard Bolger with some fondness even though he had remained blind to Bungo's dislike of her and the risk posed by her step-father and his family. The Maggots had always been good to her as well, grateful for her efforts training and healing their dogs which were known to be the best in the Shire. There were others, families who lived further from Hobbiton and Tuckborough who cared little about her family history and associated with her whenever she was in the area, rare as that was, but she had been lonely as a child and lonelier still once her mother had passed and her grandfather had given her the little smial she came to call home. She hadn't realised it until now, content with her life and her animals, but as she walks among the dwarves and watches them as they softly discuss the circumstances behind their abrupt departure she realises how important this has become to her and how much she had been craving it without even realising it.

She tucks her hands under her arms as they walk, absently longing for a pair of warm mittens and a shawl to cover her hair and ears as the wind picks up. There is no real tree cover to stop the breeze and it is already as chill as an early winter wind in the Shire. She doesn't want to think about how much colder it will get before winter proper is upon them here and she shivers slightly into her coat. The pace will warm her up soon enough.

"There has to be something we can do to better protect my daughter," she hears Balin hiss at Thorin and turns her attention to the two dwarves just ahead of her.

"You can be assured that I will not break our people's oldest and most sacred law, Balin," Thorin replies. "There was a time when the Men knew that there would never be a marriage arranged between any dwarf and a member of their race, or any other, unless the dwarf involved had found their One in the match."

"The memories of Men are weak," Balin mumbles, "and a hundred and seventy years have passed since the mountain fell, there will no longer be any living who remember the old alliances and contracts."

"Most of those will have been lost when the dragon destroyed Dale," Thorin agrees. "She will be safe, Balin. We will not permit her choice to be taken from her. Nor will I condemn my sister's sons to a lifetime of solitary misery. If their hearts truly lie together only the will of Mahal could prevent them from marrying."

"Don't tempt him," Balin mutters. "She still has to face the dragon," there is a distinctly unhappy note to his voice.

"It is why she came," Thorin reminds her father, "and there is no one else that we can ask. Gandalf chose her for her magic and her scent. Would you have me send Nori? I have walked that path with you and Dwalin before, I saw what it did. I'll not do it again."

"And what of Fili and Kili?" Balin demands. "You _just_ assured me that you would not condemn them to a lifetime of misery and loneliness. You know what the loss of her husbands did to your sister. Would you do that to them? We were fortunate that she had her boys to prevent the stone from claiming her, but your grandfather was not so lucky when your grandmother passed. They will have nothing to anchor them to the mountain, nothing to stop them from going to stone as their mother nearly did, or filling the cracks with senseless wealth as happened with Thror."

"I have little choice," Thorin snaps. "It is in the hands of Mahal. There is nothing more that I can do and it distracts us from your other concern."

"The Men of the Lake," Balin sighs. "We'll have to think of something."

"They already know that she's courting Kili. Let them continue with that information for now and we shall think on it once we have achieved what we came here to do," Thorin tells his friend. "She is perfectly capable of escaping herself should it become necessary. You must acknowledge that she is very well able to protect herself and others when the need arises. Besides, with luck the situation will have resolved itself favourably before the Master becomes a problem. I cannot imagine them waiting much longer, they are not Dwalin and Nori."

"May they never experience the pain those two did," Balin mumbles and Billana draws back, aware she is hearing things that it would be better she didn't.

She glances behind her at Dwalin and Nori. They aren't far from each other, and haven't been since Beorn's, but there is a tense air about them that had started the previous afternoon and hasn't eased. The others are all avoiding the pair and Billana has followed their example, but she is undeniably curious about the history they have that Dori, Balin and Thorin have all alluded to. She doesn't dare to ask and her attention is quickly grabbed by Ori. It doesn't take much for her to realise that he has noticed the direction her thoughts have taken, and that he more than likely knows as much as his brother does, or that he is trying to distract her from them by continuing her lessons in Khuzdul.

By later that day Billana is coming to suspect that the reason the dwarves do not teach their language to outsiders has nothing to do with the fact that they claim it is a sacred secret and a gift from their Maker, and more to do with the fact that the other races have difficulty creating some of the sounds without sounding completely ridiculous. Ori, at least, manages to keep his amusement to little more than a grin and an amused sparkle of his eyes, but Bofur laughs outright more than once and they actually have to pause and wait for him to get control of himself when a mispronunciation leads to Billana calling Ori something she doesn't understand and that the scribe refuses to translate, though he blushes fiercely. It brings the lesson to an end, however, and Thorin declares that their location is as good a point as any to make camp.

Between them Kili, Fili and Nori have managed to hunt down several rabbits and a deer during the course of the day. The rabbits are dressed and thrown into the stew pot by Bombur, and the deer is hastily dressed and wrapped to serve them in the place of dried meats until they have no other options. The hot stew is welcomed and Billana eats huddled between Balin and Fili, lingering once she is done and enjoying the warmth of the dwarves and the shelter that they offer against the biting wind. They purchased tents in Laketown, though Thorin and Gloin had argued against the extra cost, and seeing that she is shivering with the chill Bofur offers to put one up rather than disrupting Fili, who has his arm wrapped around her, or Kili who is softly debating with Thorin in rapid Khuzdul that Billana isn't familiar enough with the language to follow and that the others are studiously ignoring. She slips into the tent gratefully once it is up, curling into her bedroll in hazy exhaustion after a night with no sleep and a day of marching. She is asleep before anyone else joins her, only aware of the increase in warmth and the pressure of a body against her front and another along her back.

This forms a pattern for the following days on the way to the ruins of Dale and Erebor. With days spent walking and learning to speak the dwarven tongue with Ori and nights spent curled up in a tent which warms only a little but at least keeps the worst of the wind off them. As they travel the others down what game that they can, but the closer they get to the ruins of the great city that once lay a half day from the foot of the mountain the fewer animal voices Billana hears. It is almost like having one of her senses forcibly removed, an emptiness that comes from not being able to find the presence of any animals other than their ponies and the occasional rabbit or bird and it makes her shudder more than once at how empty the land around them is. It should be full of life, but even the grass and scrubby gorse that she would almost expect to see seem to have abandoned the land and the closer to the mountain they get the more and more they find themselves walking over sharp shards of stone rather than grass and dirt and the expressions on the faces of her companions become troubled.

By the time they reach the ruins of Dale Billana is glad that Nori insisted on the soft boots she wears, although even they haven't protected her feet fully. As hardy as the soles of her feet are, Billana has felt almost every stone and she suspects that her toes would have been cut to ribbons without the footwear. Even the dwarves heavy boots have suffered and Balin insists that they spend a few days in the ruins to centre themselves before going on to Erebor and trying to find the door.

"You've seen what was out there, Thorin," he says, "it will only be worse the closer we get. We have time, the door will not reveal itself to us until Durin's Day, as the map says. Let us rest here where we can be warm and sheltered and search for the landing closer to the time. It would be best not to move too close to the mountain until it is time, lest the dragon lives and we wake him from his slumber."

Thorin stares at her father for a long moment, although the others have already begun to drift towards the ruins of houses to examine the structures.

"Very well," he agrees after a beat. "We will rest here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at concentrating on the things that I'm meant to be concentrating on. I literally got this chapter done by promising myself I could write for ten minutes between every section of my studies. It was the only way to get the studying done.


	53. Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ruins of Dale are sound in parts

The ruins of Dale are sound in parts, at least sound enough that they are able to find a house big enough for all of them to live in for a few days. The roof has holes that are hastily patched by Bifur and Bofur using tiles that have survived on other buildings. The condition of the roof means that the inside has survived fairly well, the owners of the house obviously having been out when Smaug came, the door had been closed and still locked, the furniture dust covered and a little rickety with age and abandonment. The soft furnishings, curtains and blankets and chair upholstery, almost crumble in their hands, and clouds of moths fly out of the closet when opened to reveal the tattered remains of once exquisite gowns. The dwarves aren't concerned with the condition of the furniture, however, all of it being made for Men and so less practical for them to use in any case, their greater concern is the roof and the floors, the stove, the chimney and the water pump outside. Billana finds herself in the garden, a small thing that she expects to find choked with weeds and brambles. It isn't as bad as she had feared it would be and as she eases her way through she spots familiar leaves, the broad leaves of a patch of potatoes, the spindly and dry remains of the leaves of onions and the withered fluff that she associates with carrots. She falls to her knees eagerly, digging her fingers through the cold earth to seek those treasures that she knows must be there.

She comes up with more than she can carry, although they are not in the best condition they will be edible enough, and she transports her find into the kitchen in time enough to hear Bombur and Balin debating whether they will have enough supplies to take them to the Iron Hills should they manage to retrieve the Arkenstone and escape without Smaug burning them all to a crisp. She sets her finds on a chair, the table being too high for her to reach, and tentatively interrupts them. Bombur's face lights up at the sight of the fresh produce, especially when she mentions that she saw a rather overgrown patch of rosemary in the garden, and he bustles off with a speed that surprises her to fetch both her left over finds and a good amount of the herb for seasoning. Seeing how happy the dwarf is with her meagre findings from _this_ garden, Billana proposes that she take a few others and search the other nearby houses for similar treasures. Balin looks unhappy at the idea, but the thought of finding anything growing wild that might allow them to bulk up their supplies before heading for the mountain sways him. Fili, Kili, Nori and Dwalin are sent with her, along with a pony and as many old buckets and bags as they can gather. Billana thinks that they are possibly being overly optimistic, but the lack of people and abundance of wild food means that there are mice, rats, bugs and pigeons aplenty in the ruins. Smaug has little interest or use for such tiny things and they do not disturb him.

The first few houses yield very nicely from their gardens, including some rather woody thyme, and Billana is relieved to find a few squashes among the potatoes, carrots and onions that the company are able to gather. She also makes a point of scavenging unbroken pots, plates and mugs, though there are no preserved foods that will be of any use after a hundred and seventy years. The others manage to kill nearly two dozen pigeons, which seems excessive until Billana remembers that a dwarf can eat more than that on his own and her own senses tell her than even two dozen will not make a significant dent in the number of the birds that fill the ruins. They return with a very good haul of food, enough to last them several days at least, and Thorin nods in satisfaction when he sees it.

They eat well that night, eating the last of the venison, and they had even managed to find a small, sealed, cask of wine. They don't risk drinking it, but Bombur had seared the meat in some and the flavour it adds feels almost decadent after months with only the most basic of rations. They search a little more in the following days, and although the crop yields fluctuate, they find enough to keep them all warm and comfortable. Those of them not looking for food focus on firewood and though the house is a little cramped with fourteen of them inside it, they spend a comfortable enough four days in the ruins of Dale, leaving better supplied than they had been as even though most of the perishables and preserves had been too far gone to risk, there had been several barrels of salt which had allowed them to hastily cure another two deer. They store all of this carefully, the plan being to avoid waking Smaug and come back this way on the way to the Iron Hills to raise the armies that Thorin needs. Bombur, Gloin and Bifur are left with the supplies and the orders to gather more of everything that they can for when the rest of them pass through on their return in a few days.

On the morning of Durin's Day they all rise early, well before the sun has crested the horizon, and those of them going to the mountain gather their belongings. Billana's feet feel like they are full of lead and she barely touches her breakfast. Excitement is clear on the faces of many of the others, but Billana cannot find it in herself. If all goes well, she will go into the mountain alone and emerge with the Arkenstone. If it goes wrong she is liable to end up burnt to a cinder by an angry dragon, taking her friends and family along with her. Fili and Kili, too, seem to become more reluctant as the morning rolls on, withdrawing from the quiet excited chatter to walk beside her in silence, their hands gripped by hers and their faces grim. If she could, Billana would turn tail and flee, dragging Fili and Kili with her if she could so that they wouldn't be separated. She can't, because she cannot turn her back on the promise that she made all those months ago. A foolish promise that she had failed to understand the weight of, feeling nothing more than the desperation of finding a home where she could belong and be accepted. That's something that she shares with these dwarves, she knows, but she hadn't expected to find love along the way. She hadn't _ever_ expected to find love and now that she has Billana has _no_ idea if she can go through with her promise, no idea if she can risk losing this thing that she hasn't looked for and yet can't imagine being without.

She isn't given long to dwell on it, all too soon she sees the great gates of Erebor looming in front of them, the great hole where Smaug smashed his way in gaping and black. The part of her that still clings to her hobbit good sense wants to run screaming in the opposite direction and she halts in the path. Fili and Kili stop next to her and the three of them stop to stare up at the mountain until Thorin urges them all forward.

"Shouldn't we wait for Gandalf?" Billana asks, remembering the wizard's instructions clearly.

"I will not waste time that could be spent searching waiting for the wizard," Thorin shakes his head. "We have but this one chance, else it will be another year before we have the opportunity to find it. I will not risk losing it. Spread out and search." He orders.

The others fan out, moving closer to the mountain so that they can begin looking for a stairway that might take them to the high point Thorin has told them is indicated on the map. Billana doesn't. Instead she removes her pack and hands it to Fili, then begins to undress and she shivers as she debates the best form to take. Both of them realise what she is doing very quickly and where Fili objects, Kili follows her example, also stripping down so that he can take on his raven form and search from the air with her. Fili huffs but subsides, settling for kissing her forehead and reminding her to be careful. A single change will not be too draining for her, at least, not so much that it will leave her unable to do so again when it comes to searching for the Arkenstone later and she places a reassuring hand on his cheek before taking on the form of a falcon and leaping into the air.

This is a form that she has not worn in a long time, but while her raven shape is large and perfect for such tasks as carrying a heavy rope or flying with Kili, her falcon form has better vision. She realises her error soon enough. There are very few warm updrafts for her to use to aid her in moving up through the air or hovering in place. For all her eyesight is superior, the shape of a raven is better suited to this environment on a cool day such as this. Still, it doesn't take long until she finds a ledge cut into the mountain beside a carved dwarf that seems to have grown out of the very mountain. There are many such carvings on Erebor, there is even the remains of a shattered statue outside the front gates. They all have the same zigzagging geometric pattern up the front of their clothes but this one is different, the cut so deep that two dwarves could stand shoulder to shoulder with one another quite safely. She has found the hidden staircase.

Billana wheels in the air, aware that Fili has been watching for her, and distantly hears him shout that she has found something. A glance tells her that he is coming to meet her and she hovers where she is as best she can. An approaching group distracts her, however, and soon she is surrounded by ravens.

- _Greetings, flock sister_ ,- an elder says. She bobs in the air in respect and returns the salutation. - _The prophecy is true, then, you have brought the stone-dwellers to claim back to their mountain halls.-_

- _I have come to help them_ try,- she replies, - _success is another matter, and not reliant on me_ -

- _Their success with be dependant on many things, sister_ \- the elder tells her, - _but your presence will be crucial. The flock is yours, should you have need.-_

 _-I thank you-_ she mutters, - _and I look forward to knowing you all better-_

They leave with a chorus of well wishes, and Billana drifts down to Fili who waits for her with her clothes in hand and the others on his heels. She lands quickly, changing and dressing in the short time that she has before the remains of the Company arrive. She is happy enough unclothed in front of Fili and Kili, but the chill air makes that an unwise decision. Besides, while Nori may have become a regular bathing partner, Billana still has little desire to allow the others to see her undressed.

"Well?" Thorin demands when he arrives.

"I've found it," she tells him and points.

His answering smile is wide, perhaps the most brilliant that she has ever seen on him, and she returns it tentatively. If they have found the stairs, that means that the door is somewhere on the small landing at the top. By morning Billana will very likely be inside the mountain trying to find a jewel in a sea of gold and jewels. She shudders in Fili's arm as Kili lands nearby and begins the change back into himself. The time is almost on her and she wants to do nothing more than run and hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know pretty much nothing about plants, apart from what my mother tells me, so I have no idea if there would still be veggies growing in the gardens after 170 years. Call it artistic licence. I'm nearly done with my assignments, thankfully, and am celebrating by posting a chapter. Yay!


	54. The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The climb to the landing is difficult.

The climb up to the landing she spotted is almost enough to make Billana wish that she had kept her falcon form and waited for the rest of the Company at the top. The steps are steep and even though they were designed and built with dwarves in mind even her companions struggle with them a little. All, that is, except Nori who scrambles up them with ease, trailing a rope behind her and muttering curses about her heavy dwarf boots not having the same purchase as her usual ones. The thief ties the rope off against a boulder at the top of the stairs and Billana isn't the only one to use it to help her. Nori is barely winded when they all join her, scowling as she digs under her nails with one of her knives.

"Any sign?" Thorin demands of her and she glares at him.

"My Sight doesn't work like that," she replies. "Find yourself an elf if you want someone who can see spells."

Billana expects Thorin to snap back, but he just shakes his head and orders them to start searching while they still have the light. If it is truly a concealed door that can only be revealed by a certain light Billana thinks it is completely useless to start searching now. She shivers with the cold, although the landing is sheltered from the biting wind, and settles herself against the cliff face with her arms wrapped around her legs. The sun is setting, casting the ledge into shadows that won't help the others to search and Billana feels the pit in her stomach widen.

She doesn't think that she can do this. As soon as the final light reveals the door she will be expected to go inside and search out a shining stone in a potential _sea_ of shining stones and precious metals. She has become so swept up in her romance with Fili and Kili, in becoming Balin's daughter rather than a lost little nobody, that she had let herself forget that she had been brought to face this great beast. Balin eases next to her, following her gaze to where Fili is arguing which his uncle quietly.

"Is it wrong that I hope they don't find the keyhole?" She whispers. Balin pats her hand.

"It will be well, nathith," he tells her gently. "I know the prospect of going in is daunting, but you will not fail us. Gandalf chose you for a reason beyond the need to get you out of the Shire."

"I'm expendable," she mutters. "When he chose me no one wanted me and I so it wouldn't have mattered if I died or not."

"No," Balin snaps. "You are no such thing and you never have been. You do Gandalf a disservice by thinking that he could ever think that of anyone." She bows her head. "You are unique, Billana, a marvel and a treasure in your own right. That you have remained so kind, loving and generous with all the hardship that you have experienced and all the lies I am sure your people spouted is a miracle on its own and I will not hear of you doubting your own worth, to us or anyone else." She leans against him and he wraps an arm around her. "You have me, you have the love of those young whelps and that shows remarkably good taste on their part. You aren't expendable, but you _are_ the only one who can do this. I just wish there was more we could do to protect you." He sighs. "Dragons are powerful mages in their own right," he adds after a moment, "there aren't many spells that our gifted mages can use which might affect them and not many strong enough to use them at that."

"But Kili-" Billana begins and Balin nods.

"Aye, had he the practice he _might_ be able to perform such a spell, but after his fathers were killed Thorin put a lot of effort into keeping those lads as safe as he could. In Kili's case that meant hiding the true strength of his gift," he bows his head.

"There _should_ be another option!" She hears Fili shout. "What would we have done if we had got half way here and lost her? What would our options have been then?"

"It matters not," Thorin snaps in reply. "We are here, it is almost time and there is no cause to risk the plan. You _know_ this, Fili. You know the other dwarf kingdoms will not follow us without the Arkenstone, not again. If we wish to get Erebor back we _need_ it and the only way to get it is to go in there. Billana is our best hope."

"Have you thought about what it will do to _us_ should Smaug catch her?" Kili demands. "You have seen our mother, even thirty years after our fathers were taken from her she isn't the same."

"I am aware," Thorin replies. "And I have thought of little else. But there is little more that I can do and it is not the time for this discussion. Unless she refuses, Billana Took goes into the mountain."

Unless she refuses, she thinks. It is a tempting thing, to refuse to do what she has been brought here to do, to refuse to possibly walk into the jaws of a dragon, but then she looks at the others she has travelled with and remembers the three left in Dale to wait for their return. They deserve this home that they have travelled across the world to reclaim, they deserve this impossible dream that only thirteen dwarves and an unwanted hobbit tween would dare to attempt. She will go in, though she knows that it will upset Fili and Kili, probably Balin and Nori as well, she will try to find this stone that the other dwarves think is so very important.

Of course, this decision means absolutely nothing at all if they don't find the keyhole and the sun is setting fast.

"Could it be the wrong ledge?" Nori asks as the last rays of sunlight fade and there is no sign of the keyhole.

"This is the only one either of us spotted," Kili shrugs, "and it would have to be exposed enough for the last rays of sun to reach. This is the only place it could be."

"Is that what the map said?" Billana asks her father. "That it would be the last of the sun's light on Durin's Day?"

"No," Balin replies, though the others are now arguing amongst themselves. "It said something about a thrush knocking in the last light of Durin's Day."

"Well, there haven't been any thrushes," Billana points out, "and the sun isn't the only thing that shines with light," she adds.

The rest of the remaining Company have already begun to withdraw, however, making their way back to the too steep stone stairs. After months of trials and desperate hope they have run out of anything else to give. Billana cannot find it in herself to blame them. Her hopes are only for a home, she doesn't care if it is in this mountain, the Blue Mountains or in the middle of the plains of Rhovanion, so long as she has somewhere that she can belong and be accepted. This place holds more meaning for her friends, even as Kili and Fili argue that they cannot just give up. Her princes, she knows, have not suffered the same hardships that their elders have, they have not been beaten down time and again. Billana understands the attitude of the older dwarves all too well. The moon rises and she feels the passing flash of a small bird as she gets to her feet to follow the rest down.

"The keyhole!" She hears Kili shout over the tap tap of a bird with a snail. "Thorin, it's the keyhole!"

As one they turn to find the moonlight shining on the rock face as it crumbles away, revealing exactly that which they have been looking for all evening. Thorin beams at his nephew, his eyes glittering with emotion as he inserts the key and turns it. There is a click, too loud in the reverent silence though in reality it is far quieter than she would have expected it to be. It takes three of the dwarves to prize the heavy door open and it is Thorin and Balin who go inside first as Fili and Kili come to her side.

"You don't have to do this," Fili tells her. "We'll think of something else."

"Yes," she replies firmly, "I do. It's the reason I found you, I can't walk away from it now." She takes a deep breath, kissing them both for longer than she really should and flushing when they come apart to see their friends watching with amused grins. "Tell me exactly what I'm looking for," she says.

What she is looking for, Balin tells her, is a white jewel about the size of his fist that swirls with colour much in the same way that an opal seems to when the light catches it just right. This gem, however, creates its own glow and will be easily recognisable. Balin tells her not to take anything else, not too dig too deeply in her search, he would rather she come out empty handed than that she wake the dragon and not come out at all. Thorin looks like he disagrees with the sentiment, but a glare from Dwalin silences him even as the large guard mutters to Nori that she will not be going in. That is something that Billana can agree with, Gandalf chose her because she wouldn't carry the same scent as that of a dwarf, she must go.

"We'll take her," Fili says before Balin can lead her into the mountain.

"We will _all_ go," Thorin replies.

That statement baffles Billana but they all proceed down the dark corridor. The air inside the mountain is chill, but as they go deeper it begins to warm and the air starts to dry out. Eventually, Balin calls for them all to halt, it is time for Billana to continue on her own, and she understands why Thorin decided all of them should come with her when the two princes hiss that they can go a little bit closer. Their uncle and Dwalin immediately put a stop to it, but she can tell that if she had been alone she would have been hard pressed to get them to leave her side. She stoops to remove her leather boots, she will not be able to move quietly if she has them on, even now she stumbles over her own feet because she isn't accustomed to wearing them. She pauses long enough to whisper a promise to come back to Fili and Kili and then she follows the passage in silence, able to hear only her own breathing.

Eventually, she emerges in what must have once been the treasury of Erebor and she cannot stifle her gasp. Either Balin and Thorin have forgotten just how much gold Thror amassed over the years, or Smaug has gathered more in the decades that he has been in control of the mountain. She could search for years and never uncover the Arkenstone, gold stretches as far as the eye can see, light reflecting off it from some unknown source and lighting the room up with a sickly golden glow. She moves carefully but even her silent feet cannot prevent the odd shift of a coin and the rasp of others as they fall with it. She searches for what feels like hours, desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of the glowing stone that she needs to find, until the delicate shift of displaced coins changes and becomes louder, heavier. Billana ducks behind a nearby pillar and notes two things.

The first is the glow of the Arkenstone only metres away from her.

The second is the dragon looming out of the gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting to the next chunk that I've really been looking forward to writing. Trickster's Sight should have another chapter in a day or so as well. My brain is swimming with the scenes that I need to write for both stories in this universe and I love it.


	55. The Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dragon is awake

The dragon is awake, Billana thinks as she feels panic grip her. She has finally found the Arkenstone and the dragon has woken up in time to stop her from grabbing it and running. She could still try it, could turn into a fox, pick up the stone and run, but Smaug is turning his head as he looks for her, drawing in great lungs full of air as he uses her scent to search for her.

"I hear you, thief," the dragon says, "I smell your fear. Why not come out from your little hiding place and face me?"

He knows where she is, but she has to believe that he doesn't know _what_ she is. All she can do is change form and hope it confuses him long enough to allow her to escape. She takes the form of a fox, the size being an asset for trying to take the Arkenstone and yet providing her with enough speed and stealth that if she can lose the dragon's attention she might be able to slip away.

- _I am no thief_ \- she replies. The dragon rears up, claws and teeth glittering silver in the strange light. He can hear her. - _I am simply lost while seeking a warm den out of the cold-_ To her surprise, Smaug laughs.

"A pretty attempt," he chuckles, "but I have smelt your kind before. It has been many centuries since one such as you dared to cross my path." She should have become a mouse, she thinks. "I must say, however, that this is the first time I met such a one as a companion of dwarves." He laughs again. "Or perhaps I should say, as their _pet_." He bends his head closer to her and she crouches with a whine, resisting the urge to roll onto her back and expose her belly as she takes a few steps back.

- _I do not belong to any dwarf-_ she says defiantly, paw brushing over the Arkenstone.

"Yet you seek that treasure which would allow them to gather their armies and take back this mountain," Smaug replies. "Do you think me ignorant of the world because I have slumbered these last decades?"

- _I have no thought on the matter whatsoever,-_ she lies, inching slightly further back so that she is close enough to snatch the stone in her jaws.

"They have brought you here to steal from me," Smaug snarls, "to take that which is _mine_ , they have brought you to meet your demise. Do not think that they will grieve for you, do not think that they will mourn you. They will think of your death only as an inconvenience to them, as rash stupidity that might cost them what they seek. They care nothing for you, they care only for the gold and that is _mine_!" The final word is accompanied by flickers of fire deep within him and Bilana flinches back further.

The Arkenstone glows in front of her now, swirling and hypnotic and so very tempting. She can see, even in the greys that all foxes see in, why the dwarves might be so enamoured of this particular gem. Smaug knows what she wants, he must be able to see what she does, and so she wonders why he has not already incinerated her.

 _-But it isn't_ _yours!-_ She shouts mentally, closing her mouth around the jewel. - _You came and stole it from them! Didn't it ever occur to you that they might come to try and steal it back?-_

"Oh, I knew they would come one day," Smaug purrs, "although I didn't think even _they_ could stoop so low as to ask another creature to steal from me. _Pathetic_ creature that you are." Then he twists his head. "But, wait. Can you hear them, little thief? Can you smell them? They _are_ coming for you, to retrieve that which you would think to take from me. Let us welcome them."

He rears back and Billana runs, paws skittering over gold and gems as she desperately tries to avoid the wave of fire that she knows is heading her way. She hears a shout, recognises Thorin telling Fili and Kili to stop, but there is nothing that she can do about it as she runs, looping and twisting, backtracking on herself so that she can run between Smaug's legs, all too close to his terrible claws. He roars, twisting and trying to catch her with one of his feet as she ducks away, struggling to breath properly with the unforgiving gem in her mouth. She hears the sound of sparks, hears Smaug chuckle and the dragon's attention turns.

"Insects," he says, "there isn't a mage alive with the power to penetrate _my_ scales, and none who could shield against _my_ spells."

Billana turns to see Thorin, Fili and Balin stood together, the glitter of magic around them telling her that Fili has covered them in a shielding spell while Thorin and Balin use whatever offensive spells that they can think of against Smaug. There is no sign of Kili and she makes her way to the wall while the dragon is distracted, running along it towards her father and lover, though she has no idea what she will do once she reaches them. Smaug's roar is one of rage when something Balin does send lightning over his scales and he falters, earning a triumphant laugh from Thorin.

"Out of practice, wyrm?" Thorin demands. "You have grown slow and fat while you slumbered on dwarven gold." Billana hears Balin make a strangled noise.

Smaug spits fire at them and Billana lets out a muffled shriek, barely daring to breathe until she sees that Fili's shield has held, though it is the worse for wear and the golden mage's hair is soaked with sweat.

"Please don't do that again, Uncle," he says mildly, though she can hear the strain in his voice.

"No," Smaug snarls, "fire is too quick for you, Oakenshield."

He raises his claws and this time Fili's shield fails entirely, flickering just long enough for Balin to catch the very tail of whatever spell has been flung their way. Billana runs faster, mentally shrieking for them all to get out. She has the stone, for all the good that it is going to do with Smaug awake and out for their blood. Even if they get out of the mountain Smaug will likely track them down and burn them to cinders to get the gem back. He isn't going to let them get away with this. The only thing that they can do now is kill the dragon and she has no idea at all how they might manage to do that.

"Watch them fall, little thief," Smaug calls, "see the futility of your quest before I rip your life from you as surely as I will them."

Somehow, Fili manages to cast another shielding spell, and though this one fails as soon as Smaug's magic strikes the spell disperses harmlessly. Smaug screams his frustration raising his claws once more. Billana is closer, now, but she can see that Fili is disorientated and his shield will not hold up against whatever spell Smaug will send his way this time. She's amazed that his shields have held for this long, Smaug must be truly out of practice, or a weaker mage than Balin had believed, for Fili to have been able to hold up this long against him even though Thorin and Balin's magic has been little more than a nuisance. It would seem that, like Kili, Fili has been concealing the full extent of of his abilities. Thorin flings another spell at the dragon, this one causing Smaug to rear back as it lashes against whatever he was attempting to cast. It doesn't take the dragon long to regroup, firing another spell at Thorin and Fili and Billana leaps, forcing a change in mid air and slamming into Fili in her wolf form. Fiil falls with her on top of him, the Arkenstone still clenched in her jaw and she drops it on his chest as she hears Thorin yell before falling to the ground with his head in his hands.

"How very interesting," Smaug says. "Perhaps you are not quite the pathetic thing I had believed you to be."

"Billana, run," Fili hisses, shoving the Arkenstone into his pocket. She shakes her head, watching as Smaug begins to rush toward them, magic crackling around him.

It changes in a heartbeat as she hears a familiar shout, Kili screaming a word that seems to drag the air from the room as it warps and twists. A tear appears to open in front of Smaug's head, the dragon moving too rapidly to avoid it even as he opens his jaws and unleashes a wave of fire. Fili shouts his brother's name, panic lacing his voice, and Billana tears her eyes away from the odd window in front of her to look at the dark-haired prince. His stance is wavering, blood drips from his nose, running into his beard and staining his clenched teeth. His arms are spread wide and they are trembling with the effort of the spell that he is casting as Smaug begins to move backwards.

"Let it _go_!" Fili screams. "Kili, you _have_ to let it go."

There is a moment where Billana wonders if Kili has even heard his brother, then he falls to his knees and it breaks his hold on the spell. The split in the air snaps closed, with Smaug still up to his neck inside, and the dragon's body crashes into the piles of gold. Coins scatter through the air, striking those of them in the vast room and Billana yelps when one slams into her front leg. Fili raises his arm to shelter his face, gold clattering uselessly off the leather of his coat sleeve, but Thorin remains curled on his knees with his hands fisted into his dark hair. Billana's sensitive hearing picks up a whimper from his direction and when she risks a glance she can see him shuddering.

The coins stop falling fairly quickly and she leaps off Fili, pausing to sniff him and make certain that he is unharmed before going quickly to Thorin. The dwarf king doesn't notice her, doesn't even flinch away from her when she presses her nose against his hand. Billana _does_ flinch, however, yelping at the feel of the dark magic which courses around him like chains. Thorin isn't her primary concern, as worrying as his condition is, and she spins from him to run to where she last saw Kili, feet carrying her swiftly and certainly around the corpse making her wrinkle her nose at the smell of sulphur and dry rot. Kili is unconscious, but he stirs when she nudges at him and opens his eyes when she whines.

"Kundith," he breathes, "you're safe." He reaches up to drape his arms around her neck, though there is no real strength in them as he pulls her tight against him. "When I'm feeling better, I'm marrying you," he declares sleepily. "Don't annoy anymore dragons before then." She licks his ear, ignoring the warmth that fills her at his declaration that he wants to marry her, and he laughs. Then he wraps himself around her, rubs his nose in her thick fur, and passes out.

Billana gives Fili a pitiful whine when he reaches them a few minutes later. Then she growls when he summons some of his own gift, the strain of it showing on his face.

"I'm just checking him, Kitten," he protests. "Are _you_ hurt?" She shakes her head. She could change back to a hobbit, but Kili needs the rest and until the others can bring their belongings inside and set up camp she is very likely to be his only source of warmth. "Nori and Dwalin are bringing our things in and Bofur is looking for a safe spot for us to make camp," Fili tells her, tangling his fingers in her fur. "Soon as we have one we can all rest."

It doesn't take Bofur long to find a place that they can camp, an old guard room with rickety furniture and a chimney that smokes when they light a fire, Dori carries Kili through as Billana pads beside them, Nori has been sent to find her clothes and weapons while Dwalin brings Thorin in. Balin staggers after them, disorientated but upright and leaning heavily on Ori. The fight with Smaug has incapacitated half of them and Billana sends a quick prayer to Vána, Mahal and any other Valar that might be listening that this might be the end of it all.

The dragon is dead, the dwarves have the Arkenstone and the mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I was looking forward to writing this bit. And I needed to after the Trickster's Sight chapter this morning. Now, back to studying.


	56. Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking between Fili and Kili has become a familiar comfort

Waking between Fili and Kili has become a familiar comfort. Billana yawns widely as she wakes, drawing in air that tastes and smells like her princes even though it is also tainted by the smell of decay and dragon. She wriggles out from between them, a task made rather more difficult by the way they have tangled their fingers into her fur as they sleep pressed tightly against her for warmth. She shakes, feeling mussed fur shift and settle back into place, then stretches with a low groan and surveys the den that they have made. Whatever furniture there was is unsalvageable, she can smell the rot in it clearly, but there is a large fireplace with a hook for a pot and her sensitive ears can pick up the distant fall of water over rocks. Rumbling snores tell her that most of the Company are still asleep, and likely will be for some time yet, Oin, however, is sat next to Thorin with his gift glittering about him as he tries to figure out what happened to the fallen king. Thorin is still, sleeping though the scent that comes from him when she draws near tells her that it isn't natural and the feel of dark magic clings to him in a way that makes her whine and withdraw.

"I think it's time you turned back, nathith," she hears Balin say and the wolf turns to look at the dwarf that she calls father.

He throws a blanket over her shoulders and back, the weight settling on her in a way that makes her want to shake and she sighs. The wolf form is familiar and comfortable. It will be useful now that they have the mountain, but Balin also has a point and she shifts back, letting her hobbit form settle over her like a familiar old coat. She shudders at the wave of cold air that flows over her from a gap in the blanket, pulling it tighter around her as she hunts for the clothing that Nori had recovered for her the night before. The warmth of them is welcome, though they could do with a good wash, but she drifts closer to the fire anyway, pleased to see that the pot is already full of oats and water, though she doubts that there will be anything else to flavour it with. The quest has made her alarmingly accustomed to bland food.

"What happens now?" She asks Balin.

"I was wondering that myself," Fili says from behind her, exhaustion clear in his voice, and she squeaks.

"You should still be sleeping," she admonishes him.

"I was," he shrugs, "but you left and it was cold without you." Balin rolls his eyes.

"Now that the dragon is dead it makes everything far more simple," he says. "As long as we can find the Arkenstone before he gets here I can't think of any reason that we shouldn't send for Dain immediately. It was what Thorin had planned on doing if we arrived and found the dragon dead anyway."

"We don't have to worry about the Arkenstone," Fili replies, touching his pocket. Balin gives him a relieved smile.

"Then it is simply a case of sending a raven to Dain if one will agree to take the message, and working out what the dragon did to Thorin."

"Nothing good," Billana tells her father, "I don't know much about magic, but he smells wrong, twisted somehow." Balin makes a frustrated noise.

"I was afraid of that," he mutters. "The sooner we can get into the great library the better. Then we need only hope that decades of neglect hasn't destroyed the text that we need." He rubs his forehead with a hand that trembles, a clear sign that he is as exhausted as the rest of them. "First things first, we had best send for Dain and get Bombur, Bifur and Gloin from Dale as well. No sense in them waiting there for us now. Then Ori and I can start on the library."

"You can get some rest," Billana shakes her head. "You were as involved in the fight with Smaug as the rest, you're still tired."

"I won't linger there too long, lass," Balin assures her, "though I would take it as a kindness if you would ask the ravens to come to us rather than having to search them out."

Billana gives her agreement easily and the three of them make their way out to the battlements even though she protests that Fili, at least, should go back to bed. He refuses and they follow Balin, who is the only one who knows Erebor, along a route that winds around piles of rubble left from Smaug's entry into the mountain. As they walk Billana reaches out to the ravens who have begun to repopulate the ruined tower on the western side of the mountain, asking them silently to come and meet the dwarves.

The view from over the remains of the gate is incredible and the three of them take a moment to simply absorb it.

"I never believed I would see this again," Balin sighs, his eyes bright with tears. Fili rests a hand on his shoulder.

"You have the rest of your days to see it now," he says, "the mountain is ours once more."

"Aye, it is," he smiles at the young prince, "and we need to make sure that it stays that way."

Their conversation is interrupted by the flap of wings, Billana's mental call having been answered by three of the large black birds. Billana finds herself wishing that Kili could be here to see them, but whatever spell he cast to finally kill Smaug has obviously drained him completely.

"You called, flock sister," the oldest of the ravens croaks and Balin takes a shuddering breath. "It is good to know that Durin's kin are once more the masters of this mountain. We are ready to honour the ancient agreements between our forefathers and theirs."

"That it good to hear, flock master," she replies with a respectful bob of her head, secretly relieved that these birds can communicate in a way that her companions can understand. Translating is sometimes difficult given how differently animals see the world. "We would be honoured if you would carry a message."

"Roac will take it," the elder says. "Speak it."

"We wish him to tell Dain of the Iron Hills that Erebor is won, and we call upon his oath to the King of Durin's folk to stand beside us in making the mountain secure. We would also be obliged if you could stop in the ruins of Dale along the way and advise the three there that they are to come to the mountain." Balin tells the bird. Roac bobs and repeats it back, leaving only when Balin is satisfied. "There is another message, if you have one who would agree to it," Balin adds, "the journey will be a far longer one."

"Craa is young enough to make the journey," the elder croaks.

"For Lady Dis in Belegost," Balin says, "tell her that the mountain is won and our people may return, and that her sons are alive and well."

Billana reaches out to Craa silently, requesting that on his way back from the Blue Mountains he stop in Tuckborough in the Shire and assure her grandfather that she is alive, well and happy. The raven promises her that it will be done and departs as rapidly as Roac did. As she follows his departure she catches sight of something that may be of concern.

"What's that dark cloud on the horizon?" She asks, drawing Balin and Fili's attention to it.

"It looks like smoke," Fili replies and Billana's stomach clenches. It could be a coincidence that whatever is burning is large enough to catch their attention from this distance, but she cannot help but wonder whether it has something to do with whatever Kili did to kill Smaug. "I hope that isn't down to Kili," he mutters, "Mirkwood and Laketown are both in that direction. It will make things difficult if we've inadvertently burnt down one or other of them."

"I think both could use a bit of fire, personally," Balin mutters. "Now come along, you pair, Fili needs more sleep and you look like you could use it too, nathith."

- _Flock sister-_ The raven calls to her. - _The young one is your mate?-_

 _-One of them-_ she replies, carefully constructing an image of Kili in her mind that the raven will understand. - _There is this one as well, although when the mood takes him he can take on your form too. He doesn't hear like we do, however.-_

 _-They will give you strong hatchlings-_ he says approvingly.

 _-I hope so-_ she smiles. - _May I ask one last thing of you?-_

 _-If it can be done, and does not interfere with our preparations for the Big Cold-_ he agrees.

 _-It shouldn't-_ she assures him, - _I ask only that you keep watch, I have an uneasy feeling. Gandalf the Grey should have joined us by now, and our journey here was plagued by orcs and other difficulties. I hope that now the dragon is dead and the mountain is won our greater difficulties will be over, but the Men of the Lake feel we owe them something and I worry that the elves will decide the same once the word is out.-_

 _-The world of the groundwalkers is a strange one-_ the raven elder sounds amused - _but we will watch for any strangers, such is our habit in any case.-_

She thanks him, then hurries after Balin and Fili who have noticed her absence and are waiting inside. She tells them that the raven had simply wanted to talk and they both smile. Fili slips his hand into hers, his other hand in the same pocket as the Arkenstone and she sees Balin's eyes linger upon it.

"It may be best that we find somewhere safe and secure for that," he comments. "Since we aren't in the room anyway. It was source of Thror's obsession with riches after his wife died. We'll need to check that he didn't place any magics on it that might have an adverse affect on any of us."

"Would he really have done that?" Fili asks, snatching his hand from his pocket.

"The line of Durin has ever felt the loss of their One keenly," Balin sighs. "As both you and Kili have seen and experienced. Every dwarf will seek to fill the cracks left in their hearts with something," he explains to Billana. "Usually it is their craft that offers them the greatest consolation. For others it is their children who become a source of joy. Some turn to alcohol where the other two cannot help. There are those, however, who will find solace only in the increase of their wealth. This is where Durin's line has always fallen, the lust for gold, gems of great beauty and even _power_ has ever filled the hearts of those who have lost the One who might have filled the cracks."

"Amad drinks," Fili admits. "Far more than she thinks Kili or I know." Balin pulls a face. "Do you think that will change now that we have the mountain?"

"You're the healer, lad," he replies sadly, "what do you think?"

"So, when I die," Billana mutters, "what happens to you and Kili?" They stop walking and Fili turns so that he can take her other hand and meet her eyes with his.

"You don't need to worry about that," he tells her. "Whatever happens is in the future, you may well outlive both of us yet."

"But-" she begins to object, not wanting to doom them to a future of madness or obsession when her shorter hobbit life-span finally catches up with her.

"Billana," Balin cuts in before she can finish, "even if you were to walk away now, neither Fili nor Kili could ever marry or love another. It doesn't work like that for our people. It's why we feel the loss of our loved ones so keenly."

"You need to trust us, Kitten," Fili tells her. "It's the way things are for us, if we all feared what might happen we would never marry." She nods, but she knows that this is a concern that she will revisit later.

"To the original point," Balin sighs, "I have no idea whether Thror would have laid a spell upon the stone, but nor would I put it past him. I would prefer to be safe, especially until we know what the dragon did to your uncle, lad. I dislike the fact that he still has not woken."

"As do I. It would be best to have Kili look at it, he was always better at finding hidden spells than me," Fili sighs. "Where would you advise we hide it?"

"If I knew that," Balin huffs, "we would be there already."

"Thorin has to already know that I found it," Billana shakes her head. "He would have seen me carrying it as clearly as Fili did."

"Uncle isn't always the most observant," Fili reminds her.

"But in this she may yet be correct," Balin mutters. "The only way to know for certain is to see what he says when he wakes. Until then, it would be best that we see to finding somewhere to put it and larger quarters to spread out into. That room already feels crowded, I'd like us to have a little more space before Dain and his warriors arrive. It would be poor form to request their aid and have nowhere to house them."

"Not to mention working out how to deal with Smaug's carcass." Fili grumbles. From the way that Balin swears, she realises that he hadn't thought about _that_ either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back!! I hadn't forgotten about this one. For those who haven't been reading Wild Magic: Trickster's Sight, I felt that I needed to get that one finished so that I can focus on all the big stuff that's coming up in this story. I've got loose ends to tie up, a few threads to weave in and patches of lore to tack on and I needed to not be distracted by what was going on with Dwalin and Nori. When I'm not studying this now has all of my attention. Hooray!!


	57. Finding a Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili wakes in the middle of the following morning

Kili wakes in the middle of the following morning, just as Bombur, Gloin and Bifur are entering the mountain with the ponies and the supplies. The ruined gardens of Dale have yielded a brilliant harvest and as long as the food is stored correctly and eaten sensibly they should have enough added to their preserved supplies to make it until Dain arrives with his soldiers and supplies of his own. It is obvious that Kili's gift is still very drained, though he jokingly tells Fili that he might actually manage to light a candle without incinerating it entirely now. This, Billana has learnt, is a long running joke about his gift. Kili is powerful, insanely so, but it means that the more gentle magics that are common in the less gifted elude him.

Although Kili has woken, and is apparently none the worse for wear, Thorin remains unconscious for several more days. He stirs occasionally, and mumbles in his sleep. Given that Fili, Kili and Balin are all still drained it is agreed that they avoid the treasury until it can be checked for magical traps. That is something that only Kili has the strength to accomplish and after seeing the dragon casting spells powerful enough to challenge even those as gifted as Thorin, Balin and Fili the others are reluctant to risk that he may have left a curse upon the gold. Instead their focus turns to exploration, with Balin and Ori holed up in the great library as soon as they find a way in trying to find an answer to Thorin's condition. Billana splits her time between following the princes, Nori and Dwalin, and helping Oin tend to Thorin. Fili and Kili also spend some time in the library, she knows that they have been working on some project or another for some time, and when she is not with any of the others she is usually on the wall keeping watch as Bofur, Bifur and Dori shore up their defences. That had been something she would never have considered until Kili had, somewhat sheepishly, admitted that even if he couldn't be completely _certain_ about where he had been attempting to send Smaug, there was the distinct possibility that he may have left the dragon's head in Mirkwood. This, Billana knows, means that there is a chance there will soon be a large number of very annoyed elves on their doorstep.

As if they needed more problems.

With the treasury off limits until they are able to work out whether there is a curse upon the gold, the question of what to do with the decomposing dragon has to be laid to one side. While it is true that they will _have_ to do something about the carcass sooner rather than later, there is little to be done while Kili is still recovering. Their explorations teach Billana a great deal about what life in Erebor must have been like. There are vast open caverns where the market places can be found, three of them, and each is set around a vast fountain of silver and glowing stone statues which leave her quite breathless with wonder. The largest of the markets, and consequently the largest fountain that she sees, is near enough to the gates that it must have been a hub of activity for both those inside and outside the mountain. There are the charred remains of stalls everywhere, some surrounded by piles of dirt that is the long decayed remains of food that has rotted away to what is likely to be prime compost and she makes a note of it for later. The lands around the mountain will need all the help they can get to be truly fertile and prosperous once more. She may be a wild mage, but she is also a hobbit and if there is one thing that _all_ hobbits excel at it is gardening.

She is looking through the remains of what once might have been a toy shop in one of the smaller market places when Fili and Kili find her. They have wide grins on their faces and seem to be bouncing with excitement. Had they been one of the hobbit lads that she had grown up with Billana would be wary of them now, but as it is she knows that even when they are playing jokes they would never seek to harm or humiliate her. Being able to trust them is the greatest gift that they could have given her and she doesn't think that they will ever truly know or understand that.

"We've got something to show you," Kili says. "And we think you'll love it."

"We _hope_ you'll love it," Fili corrects. "And there's two things that we want to show you." She raises an eyebrow and he winks at her. "Maybe later," he promises, holding his hand out to her.

She takes it, following them willingly when Kili comes to her other side. Neither gives any hint where they are taking her, she only knows that she is moving further away from the more familiar areas around the marketplaces and deeper into the mountain. The corridors here are richly carved and decorated, mosaics of precious gems can be seen depicting dwarf tales and legends and she would wonder _how_ these were missed by Smaug except that the corridors here had narrowed enough at one point that there is no chance Smaug would have made it into this part of the mountain. Heavy wooden doors block entrances to what she assumes must be vast apartments at regular intervals on both sides. She has noticed that while shops may form separate buildings with workshops and living quarters, and that guild halls have been constructed, most of the population seemed to have been housed in long corridors of apartments of varying sizes. The large intervals between these heavy doors has to indicate that the spaces behind them are vast.

Finally, the three of them reach a door that has obviously been opened recently, footprints in the dust on the floor show that it has been entered frequently although she has no idea why they would.

"Our grandmother didn't make it out of the mountain," Fili tells her, "according to Balin, these were the quarters she shared with our grandfather and our mother and uncles when they were children." She tilts her head but follows him inside.

As she had expected, the apartments are large, the door opens straight into a family room which still houses the dusty remains of several couches, armchairs and tables. To either side she can see doors that must lead to bedrooms and private studies, but it is the two doors opposite that catch her attention, through one she can see a spacious kitchen and the other she can see a second sitting room. Neither of these are lit with mage lamps as this main room is. The two rooms that she can see are lit with _daylight_.

"Go and see," Kili tells her, "it's perfectly sound."

She does as he says, hurrying forward to find large, many panelled windows that run from floor to ceiling, heavy shutters folded carefully on either side. There are wide doors in the same design and she tests a handle, delighted to find them open. The cold of the north hits her as soon as she steps outside, but she doesn't care as she feels the sun on her face for the first time in days. This open area is too large to be called a courtyard, yet the mountain rises up all around her, far higher on one side than the others. It is a garden, she realises, with several trees around the edges, raised beds beside walkways and a delicate silver fountain in the centre.

"How did you find this?" She asks, amazed that such a space exists.

"We were looking for somewhere to hide the Arkenstone," Fili replies, "just until Kili recovers enough of his gift to be sure that it won't hurt anyone. What do you think?"

"It's beautiful," she breathes, and it will be once it has been properly taken care of. This isn't an artificial hollow in the mountain, the irregular edges tells even _her_ that much, although the shallow sides show signs of once having had a wall or fence around them. The dwarves have obviously taken full advantage of it, however, and turned it into a feature for the wealthy among them to enjoy on the rare occasion they might wish to be outside.

"We thought, perhaps," Kili says as he wraps his arms around her from behind, his head resting on top of hers, "that you would like these apartments. It won't take much to make them liveable, and I remember you saying how much you love the feel of the sun and miss the open air." She had said something to that effect in Mirkwood, she had simply never expected him to remember. She draws a shuddering breath. "What's wrong?" He asks in alarm.

"I just-" she isn't sure how to put what she is thinking into words, isn't sure how to tell him how amazed she is that he listened to her and remembered, doesn't know how to show how grateful she is that they even thought of her. "Isn't it a bit big for just one little hobbit?"

"All the apartments in this wing open up onto the garden," Fili assures her, "and there are several that are smaller if you would prefer, however-"

"We were hoping that we would be living with you," Kili cuts in. "We want to marry you, Billana," he assures her. "We were going to wait longer to ask, but with Thorin still unconscious and _my_ declaration when we killed Smaug we thought we had better talk about it sooner."

"You really want to marry me?" She asks in disbelief, glancing at Fili beside her.

"Why wouldn't we?" Fili replies. Kili is still holding her and his arms go marginally tighter around her waist. "Kili's declaration certainly brought it forwards, but we always intended to ask." He reaches to tuck a curl behind her ears. "We've missed out a lot of the traditional steps of dwarven courting, from what Balin has told me I suspect that we have gone about this in more of the hobbit way of things."

"And given that you're a hobbit, that's the way it should be," Kili adds firmly. "Our people put a lot in demonstrations of craft and prowess in battle when courting, even though we all know that as soon as we fall in love that's the end of it."

"I think I've seen a great deal of what you can both do, in and out of battle," Billana smiles. "None of it just in a training ring either." Fili huffs.

"I can agree with that," he replies. "If you aren't ready, Kitten, you just need to say."

As it happens, she _is_ ready, she was ready the moment she allowed them to claim her in the way reserved for husbands to claim their wives while they were in Laketown. She chose them then, although by then she doesn't think she could have refused them anything that they might have asked of her.

"Of course I want to marry you both," she tells them. She now knows more clearly than ever that she could never have chosen between them. "As if either of you could have doubted that."

"Thank Mahal for that," Kili breathes. "Would you be very upset if we did it now with only the Company present and Ori officiating?" He continues.

"Why do we need to rush?" She asks, not because she _wants_ to put it off, just because their desire for haste is concerning. "Don't you want to have your mother and friends here?"

"Amad would insist on a big ceremony," Fili admits. "Neither of us wants to go through the chaos and scrutiny that would come with a proper royal wedding. Particularly if we haven't managed to work out what's wrong with Thorin. A coronation would be more than enough for any of us, and we know you well enough to know that being watched by hundreds of eyes while we complete the ceremony would make you uncomfortable."

"If it's just because of me-" she starts to object and she falls silent when Fili shakes his head.

"Neither of us particularly _likes_ being the focus of attention at these things," Kili assures her. "We would much rather a quiet, _private_ wedding with the Company as witness."

"I'd like that too," Billana agrees.

The joy in their expressions, when they both come to stand in front of her, is so heartfelt that she wishes she could find a way to put it there every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were they supposed to ask her yet? No. Have I given up on getting them all to behave and do as they are told? Yes. At this point I'm just rolling with it.


	58. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana is happily wandering the rooms of the apartment

Billana is happily wandering the rooms of the apartment when Nori finally tracks the three of them down. The thief raises an impressed eyebrow at the large rooms and smirks when Billana shifts to expose evidence of how happy Fili and Kili had been when she accepted their proposal. She flushes and is surprised when the princes do the same under Nori's scrutiny. It is quickly shrugged off, however, by Nori's announcement.

"Thorin's awake," she tells them. "It'll be for the best that we get the three of you back to the guard room. I know he isn't always the most cheerful of people, but this mood is sour even for _him_."

Nori keeps her tone light, but Billana likes to think that she has learnt to read the thief well enough since Mirkwood to know that Nori is concerned. _Very_ concerned. Fili and Kili, who have obviously known her far longer, also pick up on it and the joy that has floated around them all afternoon seems to evaporate. Nori mutters something to them both and they nod, then they touch their heads gently to Billana's and leave. The silence between them is heavy and it is an atmosphere that lingers once they are gone.

"Where's the Arkenstone, Billana?" Nori asks her as soon as they are alone. She has that strange air about her again, the one that always used to make Billana nervous.

"I don't know," she replies, "I don't have it. Why?"

Nori shakes her head. "It was the second thing that Thorin asked for when he woke up."

"What was the first?""

"The gold, naturally," Nori sighs. "Balin says he's dragon cursed."

"What does that mean?" The thief leads them back into the corridors, taking narrow passages that rise and fall, loop and twist until Billana is thoroughly lost.

"It means that unless we figure something out we're going to have another mad king on our hands," Nori tells her, "and I don't think it's something either of the pretty princes will be able to fix." There isn't much Billana can say to that, she has nothing to add which might help, so she turns her thoughts to something else that she's been curious about for a while.

"That thing you do, where you look at people like you can see what they're thinking, what is it?" She asks.

"The Sight," Nori mutters, halting and leaning against a wall. "It lets me see when people aren't being entirely truthful, doesn't matter if they're speaking or writing, I just know." She shrugs. "For the most part it's just made life bloody difficult. _Everyone_ with even the tiniest bit of power wants someone at their side who knows when people are lying. It isn't something that I like advertise."

"I can imagine," Billana admits, aware of how it feels to have an ability that she would rather others didn't know about. "But the rest of the Company knows?"

"Probably," Nori nods, "my brothers obviously know. I _met_ Dwalin, Balin and Thorin because of it. Bofur's sister is a good friend. The only ones who might not know are Oin and Gloin, and I'm in no rush to find out if they do or not." She pushes forwards, starting to walk again. "Come on, let's not give his royal broodiness a chance to complain about our absence."

They aren't far from the room that they are still all staying in, work on the shoring up the shattered gates having taken priority over converting some of the less damaged shops into living space for the Company over the coming months. Now that Billana has seen the royal wing she is of the opinion that it will take rather _less_ work to make those rooms habitable than it would the shops near the gate, but until Dain arrives they need to be as near to it as possible. Her brief hours in the garden, however, have reminded her of how important it is that hobbits have access to the sun and the earth and the mountain once more feels heavy over her head. It reminds her of how lucky she is that Fili and Kili have listened to her and taken her needs into account.

"-I would have the Arkenstone!" She hears Thorin roar as they approach and she glances at Nori nervously. Billana doesn't know where Fili has put it, but she does know that he _had_ it. Whatever the reply it is obviously given in far more gentle tones and not even Billana manages to catch it. "You would keep it from me! Your _King_! My own kin set to betray me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Uncle!" She hears Kili cry. "We are only making certain that Smaug hasn't placed some dark spell upon it, for _your_ sake."

"What would you know of such a task?" Thorin sneers.

"Given all the obscure books you've had me procure for him over the years?" Nori cuts in. "I think he probably knows more than you or Balin do. They aren't lying, Thorin."

"Is that the truth? Or your guilt?" The dwarf king demands.

His skin is sallow, his cheeks sunken after a week of being fed little more than sips of water and broth while he was unconscious. His hair is a mess, having not been combed or fixed since the battle with Smaug and, like the rest of them, he is in need of a good wash. They have yet to find the baths, and even if they _had_ bathing Thorin would have been difficult. He looks frail, though he sounds anything but, and he stands without any of the unsteadiness that _should_ come with a week of inactivity. Nori tilts her chin, meeting his glare head on with an arch of her braided eyebrows and a twist of her lips.

"You know full bloody well what that cost me," she tells him. "And of _anyone,_ you and Balin have the least right to bring it up."

"Do not think-" Thorin begins.

"Enough!" Balin cuts him off. "You have _just_ woken. Can we not rejoice in the fact that the mountain is ours once more? Can we not rejoice in the fact that it was _Kili_ who defeated the dragon? Regardless of _why_ your sister's sons are guarding the Arkenstone, what need have we of it? Dain is hardly going to contest your claim now that the dragon is dead and Erebor is back in the possession of the elder line of Durin. Dain is on his way," Balin continues, "the fires in the great forges have been relit," that gets a slightly irritated glare in Kili's direction. "We should be celebrating our good fortune. Not fighting among ourselves."

"In the spirit of good news," Fili continues, holding his hand out to Billana and she goes to his side. "Kili and I asked Billana to become our wife this afternoon. She's agreed."

There is a moment of silence and then the Company breaks into raucous cheers. Even Thorin's face clears for a moment, the grey colour fading as he smiles widely and gleefully, the dull look in his eyes replaced by genuine joy.

"I am pleased for you all," he says warmly, "love is a rare thing and should be treasured. Will you wait for your mother?"

"Actually we were hoping for a lot sooner than that, before Dain gets here," Kili says. " _Now_ , if we can manage it."

"I don't think so," Nori snorts. "This is her _wedding_ day. Billana's only going to get _one_ of those. She's going to need a bath and a dress and you two should have somewhere a bit nicer to take her for the wedding night than _this_. And Balin's her father, _he_ can't perform the ceremony. It'll have to be Ori." Everyone stares at her. "Just because I'm a thief and a scoundrel doesn't mean that I've never thought about my wedding day."

"Then why do you keep refusing _me_?" Billana hears Dwalin mumble.

"Not the time," Nori hisses back at him. "We'll talk later. If they really want to rush this we need to get a move on." She looks at the princes. "Have either of you even bothered with making the beads?" She asks. Kili shifts sheepishly. "I see. Dwalin, escort them to the forges so that they can sort it out will you? And make sure that they have a set of chambers ready before you chuck them in the bath. Balin, you said the forges are lit?" Balin nods. "Which means that the baths will be warm by now, I think you had better show us the way."

"Can't you find it yourself?" He asks with a wary glance at Thorin.

"I can," Nori shrugs, "but don't _you_ want to be the one to tell your daughter what to expect?"

"I think you're doing a pretty good job at the role of mother yourself," Balin shrugs, and Billana sees Dori wince as Nori turns her glare onto the white-haired dwarf. "You are correct, however, that it would be best that I talk her through it."

The six of them leave to the sound of Bombur declaring that he had better look at preparing a feast of celebration for them all, or as much of a feast as they can manage in the circumstances. Dwalin herds Fili and Kili away as soon as they are out of the room, giving each one a clip about the ear for not thinking ahead before opening their fool mouths. Nori and Balin take her in almost the opposite direction, heading down into the mountain. As they talk Balin explains what will happen once everything has been prepared to her satisfaction. Billana is tempted to say that as long as she marries Fili and Kili she doesn't care _how_ prepared it all is. She had never believed that she would marry in any case and the only chance of it in the Shire would have been the marriage her grandfather was talking about arranging for her. Now just the thought of that makes her feel sick and she wonders how she could have accepted it if she had never met them. She suspects that no matter who her grandfather arranged to be her husband she would have fled. So while her wedding is happening with the kind of haste that is only seen when the hobbit lad and lass in question have anticipated their joining, she is coming to realise that she doesn't want to miss out on a good meal with the music and laughter that follows. She doesn't want to miss out on wearing a pretty dress and preparing with a luxurious bath. She may not be able to wear a flower crown, and it's certainly the wrong time of years to find any blossoms, but she wonders if the dwarves have a tradition like it.

Balin, it seems, has a similar idea in mind, because as they walk he starts talking. He tells her what to expect during the ceremony, what she will need that he will find for her, what she needs to wear and how her hair will need to be presented. He instructs her that she will need to choose her guard, a dwarf or 'dam who will stand beside her to ensure that she is not being coerced into agreeing to the wedding, something which makes Nori snort and shake her head. Father's do not give any one spouse to the others, as the Men might give their daughters to their future husband. Of course, no dwarf has tried to force another to marry against their will in centuries, but it doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. Those who are to marry go to the ceremony unarmed, something that Billana doesn't know whether to be relieved about or not. The guests, however, all attend the weddings armed to the teeth.

Fili and Kili, she knows, will very likely ask Dwalin or Thorin to stand with them, though with what ever Smaug had done to Thorin seeming to still linger about the dwarf king Billana would rather they ask Dwalin. Since she cannot ask Balin, as parents are not permitted to act in the role of guard, she asks Nori since the thief has become one of the dwarves she has grown closest to in the last few months. Balin seems content with her choice, or not surprised at least, and hurries off to find the few things that she will need so that the ceremony can be performed as correctly as possible given the circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said last chapter, I'm just rolling with it.
> 
> Updates may slow. As of Friday the schools over here will be closing to try and help contain the spread of the new plague. Quite why our illustrious leader (said will all the sarcasm available) has waited this long I don't know, but there we are. So aside from trying to keep up with my 30 hours a week of study (because no disease is going to stop my online degree) I also need to keep my two children occupied and try to make sure that they don't fall too behind in their own schooling. Middle Earth is starting to look pretty damn appealing right now.


	59. Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baths are extravagant

The baths are perhaps the most extravagant Billana has ever laid eyes on. Dwarves, she has long learnt, do these things communally. It's very likely as a result of the fact that every dwarf, no matter the gender, is trained to be proficient at the very _least_ in a weapon of their choice. Such intense training leads to the need to bathe regularly, and dwarves do put great stock in cleanliness when they are able to get it. She has seen the Company rush to bathe in the rivers and lakes that they encountered on their way to Erebor, she has heard the arguments between Fili and Dori over the bathroom in the boarding house in Laketown and the amount of time that each of them spent there. She has heard Fili and Kili lamenting that the forges were cold and so the baths here could not be warmed. In fact, Billana suspects that the second surprise the two of them had intended to give her was to bring her to this very room so that the three of them could get clean before everyone else took advantage of the water. She has become more accustomed to the idea of bathing with Nori, and the thought of taking a bath with her princes leads her mind down interesting paths that bring a blush to her cheeks, but she isn't sure that she could enter them with the rest of the Company present, even after all these months together.

Nori is the one to fully explain the ceremony to her as she helps Billana to prepare. Balin had rushed off muttering quietly to himself about trying to locate several items and happily left them to it. Nori rubs scented oils into the hobbit's curls as she talks, fingers deft and soothing as Billana's nerves begin to twinge at the thought of having to perform so in front of the Company, all of whom she trusts completely. To have to do it before an entire mountain full of dwarves would be too much and she can understand why Fili and Kili both felt that it would be best for the wedding to happen now rather than in a year or so. The thief's voice is gentle as she talks and explains the things that Billana will need to say and do for the ceremony to be recognised as official.

"Although," Nori adds, "given that your Khuzdul is still rudimentary no one would expect the ceremony to be conducted entirely in it. Provisions _are_ made for non-dwarves after all, and as amusing as it would be to hear you accidentally curse at them, I'm not sure you want that memory on your wedding day."

Billana's head is swimming with information when she finally emerges from the baths hours later. Hobbit weddings are complicated in their own way, but dwarf weddings seem to have layers of meaning and symbolism tied into them that she doesn't think she will ever be able to truly understand. She actually suspects that the dwarves don't fully comprehend it all either, but that their love of contracts and ceremonies and ties to the Seven Fathers has them clinging to old traditions all the same. Hobbits gave up many of their ancient ceremonies during their great wandering time, and those that survive have only done so because her people understand the meaning of them and the need for them. In the changing room Balin is waiting for them with the dress that Dori made for her in his hands along with several other packages.

The ritual of dressing, she is told, would usually be undertaken in silence in order to give the participants a final chance to reflect upon the relationship, decide if this is truly what they want and if the one, or two, they are to marry are actually truly the pieces of their heart that are missing. In this case, however, with the haste that they have decided is necessary, Balin is more direct in his questioning. Does she truly know her heart, he wants to know. Does she understand that the fact that Fili and Kili love her does not mean that she is obligated to love them back? Is she certain? Does she understand that once this is done there will be no turning back? She assures him as best she can that she is certain of her decision. She knows her own heart, she knows that the feelings she has for Fili and Kili are so powerful that they almost frighten her, she knows that she can't imagine her life or her world without them in it. She wishes that her answers alone were enough to satisfy him, but Balin glances at Nori all the same. The thief raises an eyebrow, her expression blank, and glares at the older dwarf for a long moment. Balin stares back, his chin tilted and his face set, and eventually Nori nods. Billana wants to resent the fact that he doesn't trust her to know her own feelings, especially when the rest of the Company seemed to have noticed where things between her and the princes were headed before the three of them had, but she also knows that even by Shire standards this wedding is happening incredibly quickly.

Hobbits court and marry quickly. Most of them have grown up together, or at least have met a handful of times in their lives before deciding to court. Those couples who live in different parts of the Shire may spend longer courting than those who have grown up in close proximity to one another but, as a whole, hobbits court for six months to a year and marry roughly three months after agreeing to do so, even in the situations where such a joining has been arranged. So, even by hobbit standards this is still very quick. Then again, even courting couples don't spend every hour of every day together as Fili, Kili and Billana did in the elf king's cells. They have spent more time apart since they came into the mountain and rather than feeling abandoned Billana finds that she anticipates seeing them at the end of the day while still spending her time with other members of the Company. She is learning that she doesn't need to be with them all the time, although that isn't a hardship either, and that even when she isn't with them she knows that they would come for her should she need them to. That's all she really _needs_ to know.

It takes time for her hair to dry, and during that Nori and Balin give her more instructions which she does her best to remember. Nori leaves them alone for a time and Balin hands her a cloth wrapped bundle, which she opens to reveal two intricate beads and an elegantly made pair of matching knives. Grief lines his face as he hands them to her and although she doesn't ask, Balin explains anyway.

"We had an uncle," he says gently, "my mother's brother. He was about Kili's age when the dragon came, two days before his wedding. He had those made for the ceremony. He would be honoured if you were to use them for yours."

Billana thanks him tearfully, aware that it must have cause Balin some pain to go and search for these items, though it is clear even to _her_ eyes that he has made some small modification to the beads.

"Was he-" she falls silent, unsure how to ask whether these things had been taken from a home with a corpse still inside it. Billana hasn't seen any, but she supposes that there must be some who did not try to escape and lingered in their homes until the end.

"No, lass," Balin assures her, "he was in the guard and would have been among the first to confront Smaug while the rest of us tried to escape. Will you accept them?"

"I'd be honoured," she nods, and he helps her to fasten the bead pouch to her belt and place the knives where they can be removed easily.

It seems like forever until Nori reappears, her face serious as she announces that Fili and Kili are waiting for her, with Dwalin serving as their guard. Billana takes a breath and nods, following Nori from the room. Dwarves do not approach the one who will perform their ceremony one at a time, one future spouse is not led to the other to be given into matrimony. For dwarves this is a path that they choose together and one that they walk towards together. Fili and Kili will be at her side while Dwalin and Nori follow them to protect them against any possible attack. Just as it is almost unheard of for one dwarf to attempt to force another into marriage, it is not quite so rare to find that while one may come to love another, that love may not be returned and sometimes the rejected dwarf becomes desperate. That isn't likely to happen here, but some part of Billana feels better for having the thief and guard watching over them as they enter the room that the Company have been sheltering in.

The room has been cleaned, she can smell something delicious cooking, and Ori stands before a large anvil that has obviously been moved into the room for the occasion. The rest of the Company have cleaned themselves up as best they can, their beards and braids hanging neatly and the worst of the road beaten from their somewhat ragged clothes. As with the ceremony that made Billana a dwarf friend, the Company are humming a tune that seems to make her bones vibrate. As Billana and the princes pass, the rest of their friends lay their hands upon their weapons one by one and utter a single word which Billana remembers Nori telling her is a challenge to any who would come forward to disrupt this wedding. When they eventually reach Thorin their leader has obviously slipped back into whatever curse Smaug laid upon him, watching them with dispassionate eyes and Billana wonders what will happen if he does not make the same gesture. It takes longer than she would like, but after a moment the cloud seems to lift and he, too, lays his hand upon his sword and speaks the ritual challenge.

Finally, the three of them stand before Ori, who smiles brilliantly at them before beginning the ceremony. Unlike with the hobbits, where much of it is a lecture on the properly expected behaviour of husband and wife and a list of promises that they should make to one another that Billana has seen utterly disregarded in her own home, the marriage of dwarves is done in story form. Ori tells it in the common tongue, Billana's Khuzdul really _is_ too rudimentary for her to keep up. He speaks of the early days of the dwarves, when they woke under the mountains with their crafted brides. All except Durin, who wandered alone for many years before encountering _his_ spouse. When it came time for those with spouses to join together for the purpose of children, for in those days they lacked the ability to choose when they might conceive, they realised that they needed some way to mark those bound to one another. In those early days their numbers were few, beginning to grow as more and more children were born with each passing year, and although they were aware of the elves of Doriath, encounters were few and fleeting and it was less necessary to mark those joined to one another.

Eventually, the day came when Durin, the first of them to wake, encountered his One. The tales speak little of her, save that she was fair and skilled in battle and that she met Durin while fighting a small group of the Corruptor's servants alone. They soon realised that they wished to come together as husband and wife, but the numbers of dwarves had grown such that it was harder to know if one were bound to any others.

"How, then, shall they know that you are the One who holds my heart and I am the One who holds yours?" Fili and Kili say together, as Durin once asked.

"By these beads they will know," Billana replies, opening her hand to reveal the two beads that Balin had given her. The runes he has carved upon them, he had told her, represent her name and family. "Will you wear them for all to see?"

"We shall," it is strange to hear them speak together like this, but Billana has to believe that this is how it has always been done. "And shall you wear ours?"

"I will," she responds, and Ori continues with his tale as they place them.

Although Durin and his One had exchanged the visible sign of their promise to one another and wore, with great pride, a braid of seven strands held closed by the other's bead, they felt that this was not enough. For even though they had joined and declared themselves wed they were still two who had existed alone for decades uncounted. Aside, then, from the creation of children, what could they offer to one another? Love, of course, is an ephemeral thing that cannot be counted or touched or measured.

"I give you my blades," Billana tells the princes, new braids hanging on either side of her face, "because I trust that in our love for each other you will protect me as I give these to protect and serve you." The two knives that Balin brought for her are handed over, and even though they are ceremonial in appearance she knows that no dwarf would ever allow a useless weapon to leave his forge.

"We would protect you with our lives," Fili replies softly.

"But it would be irresponsible to leave you defenceless if we could not be at your side," Kili adds. "So we ask you to take our blades and keep them close, that they might protect you where we cannot and that you might fight at our side where we can bask in your glory."

The knives they both hand over are two more of the blades that the twins had given them and Billana places them at her hip. In a room full of heavily armed dwarves these little knives will be almost useless, but it is the way of the ceremony that they come with only the most basic of belongings as Durin and his wife must have all those millennia ago. 

"And they came together in that wilderness," Ori concludes with a wicked little smile that he must had learnt from his sister, "and their lovemaking was long and fruitful, for the continuation of the line of Durin was crafted that night beneath the stars. And as they joined they were heard to utter their final oath to one another."

The next, she knows, _must_ be said in Khuzdul.

"We are One," Fili mutters, taking her left hand.

"We are One," Kili agrees, taking her right.

"We are One," Billana concludes.

"Be as One in the eyes of Mahal," Ori tells them, touching his hands to theirs and stepping back. 

Even Thorin joins in the cheers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even surprised that this got away from me? No one? Didn't think so. Ori isn't giving me the exact words of the story of Durin and his wife. For his own reasons I suspect, but there we are. Managed to get caught up on the studying side of things, but I'm still going to struggle with it all on account of the plague. And because I'm going stir crazy after only half a week of confinement even though I'm classed as at risk. So I need distracting from my slow crazy and worry with some lovely comments. I like a nice comment.


	60. Developments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traditionally dwarf weddings end in a week of seclusion.

Traditionally, dwarf weddings end with the newly married couple, or group, entering a week long seclusion. Before they managed to create the contraceptive charms this week would have allowed them ample time to learn and explore one another at a pace of their own rather than a rushed consummation on the wedding night. Now it is more of an opportunity for those in question to learn to live with one another properly, take care of making changes to the home provided by one or the other, and enjoy themselves in whatever way they deem fit.

For Billana, Fili and Kili this means a number of things. The rooms that they have come to are the ones in the royal wing that the three of them had decided to take as their own. The apartment will likely need months of work to be made comfortable, even if an afternoon of intense cleaning has made it liveable. The main bedroom, at least has been cleaned and their bedrolls placed upon the huge bed of carved stone and furs. It rather resembles a nest to Billana's mind, but it is comfortable and warm on the rare occasion when she finds herself alone in it. There is also a private bath in the apartment, which she strongly suspects that Fili and Kili used while she was bathing with Nori, that is filled from a large copper tank. The tank itself has an ancient heating charm on it, so the water that comes from it is always the right temperature and they spend a lot of time in the bath just enjoying feeling clean. Being married and out of sight of the rest of the Company seems to have made Billana's normally wild curls a temptation that neither of her husbands can resist and she grows accustomed to feeling their fingers in her hair as they weave both practical and utterly ludicrous styles through it.

Idleness, however, is not something that suits any of them. Fili and Kili have been raised with their duties and the need to support their people, especially after losing their fathers, and Billana has come from a home of her own that needed constant work. This apartment will take time and care to restore, although she begins to see signs of opulence and wealth that she will struggle to become accustomed to having, and as much as they would like to spend their time relaxing together it isn't in their natures. This is not to say that they spend all their time working, rather that they use their time to begin sorting through the belongings that have been long left abandoned. Fili finds a number of novels, some in Khuzdul which he tells her he will use to help Billana improve her grasp of the language, and others in the common tongue. Some of the latter make her blush to the tips of her ears when she flicks through them, but she enjoys lounging with them all the same and sharing the task of reading from them aloud to one another. Fili is happier to join in this time, away from the scrutiny of his uncle and the need to appear the sensible heir. This becomes especially true when Kili emerges from what must have been his grandmother's study with several magical texts in hand.

"I'd thought these lost," he says as he waves them at Fili. "Uncle was never able to find them for me."

Billana has to physically remove the books to get him to come to dinner. She isn't without her own distractions, the garden outside will need a great deal of preparation to restore it and the first thing to do is remove the long dead weeds and bushes so that the ground can be made ready for new plants. The practical part of her wants to make sure the garden has a large vegetable and herb patch. The herbs, at least, Fili will need for his healing because sometimes an enhanced poultice or ointment is better than pouring the gift into someone, especially given the fact that bodies build up a resistance to magical healing over time. Besides, even the most wealthy and important hobbits in the Shire keep a well stocked vegetable garden and she would miss being able to get her fingers into the dirt and grow her own food. She doesn't much like cooking, another thing which had made her something of an outcast in the eyes of the other hobbits, but the little she does for them over those seven days she enjoys more than she ever has. It must be because she is cooking for those that she loves rather than for only herself, she decides, and she is certain that the contentment she feels in providing for them like this will only increase when it is her own produce that she is preparing and setting onto the table.

Unfortunately, the seven days pass all too quickly and soon enough they find themselves back among the others. It is immediately clear that while Billana, Fili and Kili have been able to rest, relax and recuperate, things have not been so easy for the Company. Thorin is still well and truly in the grip of whatever curse Smaug lay upon him, his skin even greyer than it had been when the three of them entered their time of seclusion. He mutters to himself constantly, when he isn't in the treasury sifting through the gold that is piled there. Balin admits to them that he only allowed _that_ because Thorin became agitated if kept away from it and it has become easier to allow him in there and risk further complications from the dragon's magic than to keep him out. Consequently, the others have begun to dismantle the body of the dragon, a task that will likely take months. His claws and teeth are not silver, as Billana believed, but mithril and have been carefully set aside so that they can be melted down and worked into priceless pieces. The mithril mines in Moria, she is told, are long lost to them and to have this when the kingdom is just beginning to find its feet again will be seen as a good omen. For now, however, they are being carefully concealed in a treasure chamber that not even Smaug had managed to find, the entrance hidden in one of the great pillars of the treasury that takes them down to a small room that is filled with pieces that Billana would not have thought of as valuable at first glance. There are a number of axes, swords and knives stored there, along with other great pieces that Billana doesn't have a name for but that must have been very valuable for Thror to store them here. Plates of solid gold, encrusted with jewels that seem to glow that she is told are shards of the Arkenstone from when it was shaped so that it could be placed in the throne, are piled high. The Raven crown, which had been thought lost, has also been placed in here, and she discovers that it is a crown of mithril set with large thin sheets of some dark gem that absorbs the light.

The great treasury of Thror might be filled with gold and gems beyond comprehension of wealth, but she suspects that the contents of this room are the things that he truly treasured before he lost his mind to his lust for gold.

Now out of their time of seclusion, Fili and Kili join Balin and Ori in the old library looking for a way to help Thorin. Billana takes her turn of watching at the gates, avoiding the dwarf king when she can. Even though Kili had checked over the Arkenstone when they had entered their time of seclusion, and returned it to Thorin when they had emerged, Thorin is still suspicious of them. The few times when she is alone with him he demands to know what plans the three of them had made together, tells her that he knows that they plan to steal his throne from him and that their return of the Arkenstone is a ploy to lull him into a false sense of security. On one occasion he even throws the stone at her, raging and screaming that she is a thief and a liar when she catches it out of the air rather than taking the risk that it will shatter on the floor. Fortunately, that time Nori had been watching them nearby in silence and she had been quick to get Billana out of the room, without the stone, while Dwalin dealt with the rage that Thorin had fallen into after being drawn by the shouting.

After that everyone has done their best to make sure that Billana and Thorin are never alone together and Billana spends more time on the walls, or in the air, watching. Her uneasiness has been growing with every passing day. She knows that the Men of the Lake must have realised by now that the dragon is dead and gone. There had once been smoke visible from the broken gates into the mountain as a reminder that the dragon still lived there, after all. It is long gone by now, as is the smoke from Mirkwood and if the source of that fire is as they suspect it cannot be long until Thranduil concludes that not only have the dwarves survived their escape from his dungeon, they have achieved that which they sought to. So she takes to the skies, which Fili and Kili are less than thrilled about, and joins the ravens of Erebor as they swoop over the landscape and keep watch. Nearly two weeks after emerging from her quiet time away with her husbands one of the ravens spots Dains troops moving towards them from the east. They are still three days away, at best, but Billana feels her worry ease knowing that soon it will not just be the fourteen of them inside the mountain.

Fili and Kili are less easy about it. With Thorin's current state of mind it's very likely that Dain will decide that he is in no fit state to serve as king and that will cause problems of its own. Thorin has lucid moments, but they are few and end violently whenever someone inadvertently mentions the gold. Which brings Billana to the next thing that has been spotted, and far closer at that.

"The Men and Elves are coming," she tells her husbands.

Kili groans and puts his head in his hands. They are no closer to finding a cure for Thorin which they _know_ will work and that they can easily make happen. A clear and absolute threat to the life of those he loves and the safety of his home will shock him out of it, permanently if the threat is great enough, but with Dain on the way any threat will be viewed as an inconvenience at the most which will be dealt with by his arriving kin. Failing that, only one who is a true servant of the Valar would have power enough to undo such a curse.

"And where could we find someone like that?" Fili snaps irritably. "We've been over this, Kili, there _has_ to be something else. We haven't see a servant of the Valar since the Seer left us in the days before the Corrupter fell."

"Actually," Billana cuts in softly, "I think we might know someone, if the twins weren't tugging on toe hair that is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not get used to this. It was mother's day here in the UK so I got time to do my own thing and I used my lie in to type most of this up. I finished it while procrastinating typing up results of a science experiment for my degree. The bricks and mortar universities are closed. The distance learning continues.
> 
> Happy mother's day to all the mummies out there from the UK. Stay safe and well, everyone!


	61. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knowing of someone who might be able to help them and finding that person are two very different things

_Knowing_ about someone who might be able to solve their problem with Thorin and actually knowing where to _find_ them is another matter entirely. Which, of course, is providing the twins were telling Billana the truth all those years ago and not telling tall tales.

"How did you come by this information?" Balin asks when they tell him everything.

"The twins," Billana admits and her father scoffs but gestures for her to continue. "They came to visit me not long before my mother died and they were telling me about their friend Glorfindel. They told me that he had lived in the First Age, fought against a Balrog and died, then been brought back by the Valar and sent here to help with the fight against The Enemy. Anyway, they were saying that being brought back had made him almost as powerful as the wizards that the Valar had sent after him. They mentioned five, but Gandalf doesn't talk about the others when I ask and the twins have only really had dealings with three of them. Not that it matters, they know a lot of things that they aren't really meant to and they told me that the wizards were servants of the Valar sent to be their eyes, ears and hands. But if Gandalf _is_ a servant of the Valar-"

"-he may be able to help Thorin," Balin concludes, looking between the three of them. "It's thin, lass."

"It's all we have," Fili replies. "I don't much like it either, but if there's any chance of finding Gandalf and finding a way to help Thorin before Dain gets here we might have to send Billana and Kili to look for him."

"If what the ravens have told Billana is accurate, we've got three days," Kili sighs. "But Dain isn't the worst of it. Thranduil and most of the Men of the Lake are on their way here as well."

"There's no telling what sort of tales those two have told one another," Balin huffs, "especially if the _Master_ is still determined to force a more lucrative alliance by getting his hands on Billana."

"You don't think he will have given up on that idea?" Fili asks. "His men heard Kili declare that they're courting."

"The Men don't allow as much freedom of choice to their lasses," Balin sighs. "We've never given them any reason to think differently, and as far as they're concerned Kili isn't anyone of any importance. The Master would be a better match." Her husbands move closer to her. "Fortunately, you've managed to place her well and truly out of his reach, which is one of the reasons I didn't object to the haste of the match. We _still_ need to finalise those contracts before you two fly off."

"You think they _should_ go?" Fili asks in surprise, his face crumpling, and Billana's stomach clenches as she remembers his fears in Mirkwood; that she would choose Kili over him or the pair of them would go somewhere he couldn't follow.

"I don't like it," Balin replies. "But I think they _have_ to. With Thorin so obviously _not_ himself we can't be too careful. None of the other dwarf lords agreed to aid him without the Arkenstone, it could be that they have just been waiting for an opportunity to take Erebor and her riches for themselves." The three of them exchange a long look. "You've had the same thought, then. And even if Dain _doesn't_ decide that Thorin is an anvil short of a forge, your uncle already thinks that you three are planning to oust him. Won't take much for him to convince himself that it's either _Dain_ that wants him out, or that our cousin has come to support _you_."

"Kili and I leaving isn't exactly going to convince him otherwise," Billana points out softly.

"Don't tell him," another voice says, Nori saunters into the room, "and learn to keep your voices down, our paranoid monarch is prowling around like a warg with an axe in it's snout." She leans against the wall by the door. "You two go and do what you can, no more than a day away mind, and I know that's a good distance for ravens, then get back here and report that Dain will be here in the next however many hours. Better if you do it from different directions and that Kili be the one to bring the news."

"It's sound," Balin agrees. "My father often had to manipulate Thror in a similar fashion."

"I don't like it," Kili shakes his head. "It's bad enough that we're going to have to conceal this information from him as it is, I don't like the thought that we're having to _manage_ him like this."

"It may be the only way," Balin reminds him. "If Gandalf _can't_ help us we have to prepare for the possibility of having another mad king on our hands. Better to put things in place _now_ than scramble to it later when it's too late to hide just how far gone he is." He sighs. "The contracts are ready enough for signing, a little rough but that's understandable under the circumstances. Come with me to the library and we'll get it signed and get you pair on your way."

The matter of the contracts is dealt with quickly, with only a momentary interruption from Thorin who demands to know why they aren't dealing with the dragon carcass. Nori and Dwalin hover near him, having been declared his personal guards, and neither of them look comfortable with it. Nori, Billana knows, dislikes being in sight of others. She's a thief to her bones and she prefers to keep to the dark and hidden places. Thorin shrugs their answer off, bellowing at Nori and Dwalin to follow him when Balin is half way through explaining that the marriage contracts are finally ready for signing. The dwarf king looks even more ill than he had the previous day, Billana doubts that he has eaten or drunk anything in the last couple of days and while she knows that dwarves can endure a lack of food and water for far longer than a Man or hobbit might be able to, she wonders if their concerns about an insane king might not be taken care of by Thorin inadvertently killing himself.

Kili makes a point of telling Thorin that the two of them are going to see how close Dain is and to investigate some troubling reports from the ravens, although he doesn't give any indication about _what_ they might have heard to cause them to investigate personally. Thorin waves it off, Billana isn't even entirely sure that he has heard what he's been told, and the pair of them rush to the battlements with Fili.

"We'll far speak you when we stop for the night," Kili promises. "We'll still be in range."

That doesn't seem to reassure Fili much, who crushes her against him so that he can kiss the breath from her, then grabs his brother to crush their foreheads together briefly. She doesn't hear what he says to his brother, although from Kili's expression it's something about keeping both of them safe, but Billana has already transformed by that point. She knows full well that if she doesn't do it _now_ she won't do it at all. She hates the thought of flying off and leaving him to deal with Thorin for however many days, but she knows that it's a necessary evil and privately swears to herself that if it is in her power she will never go somewhere he can't follow again. She runs her beak through his hair briefly before she leaves, feels him reach up to smooth her feathers, then she leaps and follows Kili as he takes to the sky.

For the most part it is a dull flight. They don't play together as they did the first time that they flew like this, instead they strike out towards Mirkwood, coming across the army of Men and elves quickly. In truth they have little idea of where they might find Gandalf, their only clue is that he headed back west after leaving them at the entrance to Mirkwood. They turn in that direction once they have flown over the army, though she isn't sure what they might hope to find. It has been months since they separated, after all, and Gandalf could be anywhere.

The sun has long set when they finally find a secluded spot where they can land and rest. Kili's promise that they will far speak Fili weights heavily on her mind and he must see it because he doesn't insist that they find something to eat first. He simply settles against a tree and draws her back against him, wrapping his arms around her so that she doesn't feel the chill wind as much as he calls up a ball of his sparkling gift and calls his brother's name. A moment later the shimmers take on a golden glow and she hears Fili reply, though it is more distorted for her than it would be for Kili. They assure him, quickly, that they are perfectly well and about three days of hard march from the mountain with no sign of Gandalf, not that either of them had expected there to be. They'll fly slightly more north in the morning before turning back east to the mountain, but their chances of finding Gandalf are slim.

"We expected that," she hears Fili say. "Be careful and be watchful."

"We will," Kili assures him. "What of Thorin?"

Thorin hasn't even really noticed that they are gone. He seems to have even forgotten that they left the mountain at all. That can only be a good thing, Billana thinks, and the conversation only ends when her stomach reminds her that they haven't eaten yet. Her own senses tell her that there isn't much to be found in the area, some small game if she is lucky and as much as she hates using her magic to aid her when she hunts tonight it is necessary if they are to get some sleep before setting off again in the morning. She turns into an owl and manages to catch two rabbits, passing them to Kili to skin using another of the sharp stones that he appears to have a knack for finding when he needs them, although it's more likely that he uses his gift to sharpen them. Soon enough he has the rabbits skinned and placed on spits over the fire, and they doze together while they wait for the rabbits to cook.

Being alone so far from the mountain they agree that it would be best if they keep a watch over night, though neither expects to see anything, and Kili tells her to get some sleep. She curls up in his arms happily, enjoying his warmth as she always does, and slips into a fitful doze. Her dreams are troubled, even with the heat from her husband she finds herself shivering, and as the hours continue she finds them becoming more lucid as she dreams of running with the local wolves. They are nervous, displaced, angry. She hasn't dreamt of running with wolves for years, and this isn't the sort of dream that she would normally have where she is resting in the den or hunting. This isn't the simple domestic life of wolves, these wolves are angry and planning a war of their own kind. The kind that comes when another pack encroaches on their territory. It is a war that they know they cannot win, but the main pack has been cut off from their young and the old one left to watch them.

- _Run, pack sister-_ The boss wolf tells her. - _Warn your pack-_

She wakes as a warg tears out the wolf's throat with a shrill scream of terror.

"We have to leave," she gasps as Kili pulls her against him with frantic hands, desperately trying to work out what has happened. "We have to go now! The orcs are coming."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life is kicking me at the moment. Somehow I need to cram everything in and nothing that I actually need to get done is getting done. My kids certainly aren't spending as much time learning as they should, but we're doing what we can. Both of them are young enough that I can't just leave them to their own studies, I have to guide it and help them. Chapters will slow down, I'm trying to cram 30 hours of my own study in as well!!
> 
> Also, Jimiel wrote me a present!! Caught in a Fantasy and you all need to read it no matter how grumpy she is in the notes. It's a completely self indulgent, self insert and I'm in love with it entirely (because that's my guilty pleasure trope anyway). This is what happens when the two of us are left unsupervised for long enough


	62. Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili is, understandably, sceptical.

Kili is, understandably, reluctant to leave in the middle of the night. Billana has never been one to have visions, but this wouldn't be the first time that an animal in danger had reached out to her. Granted she had been a lot younger then and had far less control over her abilities, but the animals in question had still been able to reach out to her. As they have now and she is absolutely confident in what they have shown her. So confident, in fact, that she tells Kili that she is perfectly willing to return to Erebor without him if she has to. That brings him up short. Kili has come to know her well enough to know that she must be utterly convinced of the danger if she is willing to leave him behind.

Ravens do not see well in the dark, they will not get far, but he shifts form when she does, taking his raven shape slowly enough to show that his lack of sleep has affected him more than she would like. They left Erebor to find Gandalf, and as annoyed as she is that they haven't been able to achieve that, Billana will be relieved when they get back to the mountain and she is able to warn the others of what is coming. There will be no time to worry about whether Thorin has the appearance of a mad king or not, they have a far greater problem on the way. As it is, it is a good thing that the two of them shift form and take to the sky, flying some distance away from their camp before settling to wait for the rising sun. Billana's senses of other animals may not be so strong while she is wearing animal form, but she feels the great bats that pass above them before they arrive and she senses the wargs as they approach. Even if there were just one orc for each warg the army would be vast, but Billana has learnt enough of the creatures to know that fo every rider there are usually half a dozen who journey on foot.

Ahead of them flee other birds and animals, creatures that would never dare to risk the night flying and running to avoid being caught and eaten. Most do not escape and she feels the lives flicker out all around her as orcs pass below the tree she and Kili have taken refuge in. One, a massive white creature with plates of armour embedded in its skin and a milky white eye, grins at the tree and just looking at it makes her feel dizzy and nauseous. For a brief moment she thinks that she will lose her grip on her form, change from raven to hobbit and then any advantage they might have when the orcs stop to hide from the light of the day will be lost. She looks away, feeling all of the instincts of the raven calling for her to fly and flee. If she does that she will likely spend hours avoiding their arrows. If she doesn't they may well suspect the unusual behaviour is a sign that she is not always a raven. Either way draws attention that neither of them want or need, but seeing an arrow aimed in their direction makes the decision for both of them. Billana and Kili take to the air, wheeling and turning as best they can to avoid arrows and the grasping feet of the bats above.

It isn't until the sun rises that they realise that they have been flying in the wrong direction, heading towards the mountains instead of back to the lake. This can only work in their favour because even if the orcs _had_ assumed them to be spies they had flown in this direction so stubbornly that it could only have been intended. At least, Billana _hopes_ that will be the case. Either way, they _have_ to make it back to the mountain, and not for the sake of the Men or the elves. Fili and the rest of the Company are in Erebor, and the Lonely Mountain is the only thing in this part of the world which might be of any interest at all to an approaching orc army.

They push hard throughout the day, they have little choice, with little sign of the orc army beneath them, though they could have turned or found somewhere underground to hide by now. Kili cannot hear her, of course, which means that Billana has no one to share her fears with. The orcs had been moving quickly, far more rapidly than she had thought them capable and they will be well ahead. There is no way for them to know _when_ the army will reach the mountain, it could be two days, it could be a week. Billana thinks it will be soon, very soon, orcs are not known for sparing the weaker among them and they pass the odd torn up corpse of their approaching enemy as they fly. She reaches ahead of her, looking almost desperately for some sense of the ravens who live around Erebor and begs one of them to take a message to Dain warning him of the approaching army and begging him to hurry. Her wings falter momentarily when one of them agrees, the relief of it stilling her for a beat.

Noticing that she has fallen behind Kili, who is streaking ahead in his concern for his uncle and brother, Billana pushes herself to pick up the pace.

The Men and elves have already arrived and made camp in the ruins of Dale when they reach Erebor that evening, though Billana has no idea whether they have been there long enough to make contact with Thorin and she debates going into the camp to warn them before realising that she is too exhausted after her frantic flight and sleepless night to change into a bird once she has delivered her news. Even giving herself hobbit vocal cords will be too much of a strain and she follows Kili to the mountain.

Thorin is pacing the battlements, muttering under his breath about thieves and traitors. Fili hovers near the entrance to the mountain, his expression openly concerned as he watches his uncle. Dwalin stands beside him, his face blank and there is no sign at all of Nori. Billana finds herself hoping that the thief has not been sent to the camp in Dale, though she can see a multitude of fires being set and suspects that all of her hopes will be for nothing. Kili lands before she does, not having hesitated over Dale, and so he changes back first. Thorin's eyes fall upon him, hand on the great sword at his hip as he regards his youngest nephew with eyes that glitter with distrust. Billana flutters over to Fili, who removes his coat for her, shifting back as Thorin greets Kili cooly.

"You have returned too late to warn us of the enemy at our gates," Thorin tells him. "I should have thought that would be your first consideration."

"An error of judgement," Kili tells him, "there was another raven on the way here when we passed over the Mirkwood elves and Men of the Lake. It is not those that should be of concern to us."

"Indeed?" Thorin raises an eyebrow. "They are here to steal that which is _mine_ , that which they have _no_ right to claim and you say that they are not a concern."

"Dain will be here the morning after tomorrow at the latest," Billana assures Thorin. "With luck he is moving fast enough to be here tomorrow evening."

"To _my_ side, or to _yours_?" Thorin sneers. "Do you believe me ignorant of the poison you have been dripping in the ears of my sister's sons? Do you believe I am foolish enough to think that you are not planning on attempting to steal my throne?"

"Thorin," Dwalin cuts in. "None of them have ever given you reason to doubt their loyalty. Why not listen to see what has brought them here in such a lather."

"There's an army coming, Uncle," Kili tells Thorin, "a massive army of wargs and orcs and bats. We cannot hope to defeat it alone and even with Dain's army at our back we might very well fail. We need to ally ourselves with the Men and elves. We need to prepare."

" _You_ , of _all_ people should know that I would not ally myself with Thranduil of Mirkwood for all the gold in Erebor," Thorin spits. "You have been taught it since you were born. You know the treachery of elves." He looks at Fili, "Tell him, Frerin, tell our sister's mewling whelp of the agony Thranduil allowed us to endure."

"I cannot tell them what I do not know, Uncle," Fili replies. "I am not your brother, I am your heir and the elder son of you sister."

"What's happening?" Billana asks in alarm when Dwalin moves in to calm Thorin.

"The next stage of Smaug's spell," Fili whispers, she suspects that Kili has already realised what it is given how utterly devastated he looks. "It's my fault, we should have had longer than this but I found something I thought would work and I didn't believe it would hurt to try it. Instead it hastened the process. We should have had weeks before he reached this stage."

"It's not your fault," Billana whispers. "You couldn't have known it would do this."

"Was there no sign at all of Gandalf?" Fili asks, blue eyes watching as Thorin sweeps past Kili and back into the mountain.

"None," Kili sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face and for a moment Billana thinks that she can see tears in his dark eyes. "I don't know whether to be worried or glad of it."

"Both, I should think," she sighs. "Better that we have some hope he might still be alive out there, than know he fell to that army."

"Is it so large?" Fili's tone is alarmed.

"Large enough to wake Billana from sleep," Kili nods, "and enough that we felt it more important to return here than to continue with our search for the wizard. Truthfully, Fili, I am not certain that this is a battle we can win with only Dain at our side. We need the elves and Men." Fili nods.

"Did you stop to warn them?" He asks and both shake their heads.

"To be honest," Kili rubs the back of his neck, "I wanted to see if this would be enough to break the curse Smaug lay upon Thorin." Nor, Billana adds silently, could they be certain that the elves would release them once the warning had been given. "I assume they have approached already?"

"Aye," Fili sighs, leading them both inside so that they can find some clothes rather than stand naked upon the battlements. "And it went about as well as you might expect given Thorin's condition. The Master of Laketown spouted about the gold we owe them, made a few threats about having his betrothed returned safely to him and generally made a lot of noise about things that he could neither verify nor obtain. Thranduil threw a number of insults, demanded those damn starlight jewels of his and tried to convince everyone listening that we had been crude and ungrateful guests. I've no idea who he thought he could fool with it, but the Master is happy enough to back him and Thranduil was quite content to let the Men's claims go unchallenged."

"We should still warn them," Billana insists. "If the orcs get here before Dain arrives they could be taken by surprise and slaughtered."

"Or they could turn tail and run before the orcs arrive," Kili points out. "I have no doubt that this Master is more interested in the safety of his own skin than he is in ensuring that this mountain remains in the hands of an ally." Fili hums.

"Either way, they need to be told and the two of you are exhausted," he steers them in the direction of their chambers. "There is nothing to be done about it until full dark. Get some sleep, both of you."

Billana wakes several hours later to find Fili gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still live! I haven't completely lost the few marbles remaining but it's becoming a more likely thing while I contend with recalcitrant children, a Manbeast and hay fever that's left me sneezing and sniffling, with itchy eyes and a sore throat (not the plague, fear not). If it's not one thing, it's the other, and I have been spending a lot of time in my sunny and secluded garden with my rampaging wild creatures desperately pretending that planting seeds and reading the instructions is educational while muttering trig under my breath. Quarantine is so much fun.


	63. Warnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana wakes Kili as soon as she realises that Fili is missing

Billana wakes Kili as soon as she realises that Fili isn't in their apartment with them. She has a strong suspicion that she knows where he has gone but she has no desire to run after him without telling Kili first. She won't allow her other husband to wake up and find that she's missing too. Kili swears viciously as soon as she tells him her suspicions, going to a hidden safe beside the fireplace to check the contents and then cursing a little bit more once he is sure that something is missing.

"He took them," Kili hisses.

"Took what?" Billana asks, hurrying to follow the dark-haired mage as he storms from the room.

"Those starlight gems that Thranduil wants so badly. We'd hidden them here in case Uncle decided to do something stupid; like chuck them down the nearest mineshaft," he explains, ducking around a corner after checking that the way is clear. "We'll need them to build good will with the elf king once this is all over."

"Do you think that's what Fili's gone to do?"

"Yes, and I'm willing to bet that the idiot hasn't taken anyone with him either." They reach the walls quickly only to see no sign of anyone on watch and a rope hanging over the side. Kili's curses are a little more colourful this time. "I'll kill him when I get my hands on him."

"Do we go after him?" She asks.

"I don't think I'll manage another shift, and there's no way to know how far ahead of us he is," Kili shakes his head.

"I'll go," she tells him. He glares at her. "I'm fine, shape-shifting doesn't drain me as much as it does you. If I change to exactly what I need to be as soon as I'm over the wall it will take less energy. I can track him as a wolf and you know that I can communicate without turning back as well."

"I don't want you going out there alone, Kundith," Kili tells her. "I don't like it."

"As a wolf I can catch him up, he'll be on foot anyway." She watches him, able to see the conflict on his face as his concern for his brother battles with his need to keep her safe.

"Go," he sighs. "But you had better both be back by dawn. I'll keep watch here."

She doesn't need to be told twice, settling for stealing a quick kiss before climbing quickly down the rope. She promises herself as she climbs that once all of this is over she is going to take her husbands and shut them away from the world for a month. Her courtship was unusual enough, she would like her marriage to begin properly with a time of quiet rather than more of the same bad luck which has followed them all from the beginning. Billana reaches the bottom quickly and she undresses rapidly, shivering in the cold as she tucks her clothes between two rocks to keep them safe. Kili will know what to do if they don't make it back. Then she concentrates, taking her wolf form easily but making certain that she leaves her ability to speak normally in place. It means that the change takes a little longer than she would like, but she doesn't want to be rushing such a transformation if she finds that she needs it quickly.

A check reveals that Fili's scent is no more than an hour old, it won't take her long to catch him at all if she runs, and she does exactly that while pondering on the turn events which has led to this. She wonders if she would have come if she had known that it was going to come to this. They cannot avoid a battle, not if the size of the army on its way is anything to go by, and the thought that she will have to try and survive something like that is utterly terrifying. The thought that she might lose Fili and Kili to it is even worse. It makes her want to curl up in a ball and hide and she knows that she can't because Fili is making his way to Dale, presumably to warn the elves and Men of what is coming and attempt to secure their aid, and she cannot allow him to go there alone.

She catches him not long before he reaches the edges of the elves camp, they have not joined the Men in Dale, and he stares at her in consternation when she skids to a halt in front of him.

"What in Vána's name are you doing?" She snarls.

"What are you doing here, Billana?" He snaps back.

"Looking for you," she ducks to one side when he attempts to pass her. "Have you got any idea how worried Kili and I were when we woke up?"

"I wanted to keep you out of it," he tells her as she sits. "Uncle won't be happy when he finds out that I've defied him and I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't place any of the blame onto the two of you."

"You should have known that wasn't going to work," she snorts, getting to her feet and approaching him. He sighs and shakes his head. "I suppose we had better get this over with. What was your plan, anyway?"

"Give the elf king his gems, warn him about the approaching army, hope to persuade him to help us," he shrugs.

"That isn't much of a plan," she observes.

"I didn't have a lot of time to come up with it," he replies. "It might be best if you don't talk until we're in with Thranduil." She huffs at him, but can see the wisdom in the advice, especially when the elves on guard duty stare coolly at Fili. "I need to see your king," he tells them, ignoring the glares. "Take me to him, I have information that he needs to hear." One of them snorts. "I also have these," Fili holds out one of the gems. "I believe he would be most displeased if he were to find out that you kept them from him."

"Your pet stays here," one of the elves says, and Billana snarls at him.

"She's no pet," Fili smirks, "and she goes where she pleases." The other one reaches for her and she snaps at him, causing the elves to both reach for their swords. "You won't like the results if she comes to harm," Fili warns them dangerously. "Take us to your king." There is a brief moment of conversation, then one gestures for them to follow.

They make their way through the camp, not missing the glances and stares that are directed at them as they pass through. Fili keeps his head high and back straight, looking every inch as regal as his uncle even though his clothes are heavily road worn and she can see exhaustion lining his features. Had she been in her own form Billana might have shrunk away from the attention, but she doesn't feel the same lack of confidence as a wolf that she would as a hobbit. Wolves are confident creatures, secure in their place and strength and a wolf that lacks confidence gets nowhere at all in the world, so she trots at Fili's side and spares the odd curled lip for the elves who mutter under their breath at the sight of them. The tent that they are led to is large and ornate, guarded by several more elves, and they can both see the glow of candle light through the door. The guard leads them in and Billana is surprised to notice that the Master of Laketown is there, as are the twins. Her tail twitches when she sees them and Billana bounds forward to greet them. The Master makes a sound of obvious alarm, his guards reaching for their weapons. Thranduil doesn't make any response that she notices, but the twins both bow to her seriously before allowing her to sniff their palms. Then they run their fingers through the thick fur at the scruff of her neck.

"You have taken good care of her, Prince Fili," Elladan comments.

"I could do little else," Fili replies. "Although I wish I could say that it is for her sake alone that I have come."

"Clearly some measure of this conversation eludes me," Thranduil comments. "I expect cryptic mutterings from Elrond's sons, given the identity of their father I suspect that they can hardly help it, but I was unaware that dwarves were capable of _any_ subtlety."

"You will not learn the secrets of our Dilthen Rís from us," Elrohir replies, "for they are not _ours_ to tell, and I have been on the receiving end of chastisement from the princes of Durin's line already this year. Once is quite enough for me."

"Per year?" Fili asks as Billana returns to his side.

"Per millennia," Elrohir snorts. "Do assure your brother that my nose has suffered no permanent disfigurement." Obviously the twins have not informed Thranduil of their part in the Company's escape from Thranduil's dungeons if Elrohir is passing on information Kili is already aware of.

"He'll be heartbroken," Fili huffs, playing along. "But I'll make sure to tell him as soon as my business here is concluded."

"Yes, your business," the Master sniffs. "Thorin Oakenshield sends a mere underling to do his bidding now, does he? Does he intend to deny the contract between us exists? Does he deny that he owes us gold and that he keeps the hand of my betrothed from me?"

"I've read the two copies of that contract we have in the mountain," Fili replies coldly, "and I have one of them with me, signed by you no less. There is no mention of any betrothal in either of them."

"What betrothal?" Elladan asks. "To our knowledge there was only one female in your Company. Billana Baggins."

"She rejected the name of her step-father," Fili tells him, "and took on her mother's name instead, she became Billana Took, daughter of Balin, son of Fundin, not long after we crossed the Misty Mountains." The twins both nod, but Elrohir's face darkens.

"If you have _dared_ to attempt to use her in order to further your standing with the Men-" he snaps and Billana snarls at him, causing the elf to fall silent.

"Balin wouldn't dare, quite aside from the fact that Billana would never have allowed it," Fili lays a hand on her head and she stills, "she was already being courted at the time. It goes against all of our oldest laws to force any dwarf to marry against their heart."

"Ah, but adopted father or not, the girl was hardly a dwarf," the Master points out. "And what is some vagabond dwarf to the Master of Laketown?"

"I think heir to the throne of Erebor might beat that," Elladan replies. "Has she accepted you?"

"This is not the one who claimed he was courting her," one of the guards objects and the Master smirks.

"No," Fili agrees, "I wasn't there when you were sent to take her from us in the night," the atmosphere in the room turns icy, "it was my brother who made the claim. The marriage ceremony was conducted a week ago."

"You have our congratulations," the twins bow again.

"So you see," Fili continues, "Billana is quite safely out of your reach. I came for an entirely different reason, although Lord Thranduil you are, by all means, welcome to read my copy of the contract for yourself so that you can judge which of us might be lying."

"I have no need to," Thranduil holds up a hand. "It was clear to anyone who cared to look that the addendum was a forgery." The Master opens his mouth to object. "Do not insult my intelligence, it was sloppily done. I have lived for thousands of years, do you not think I have _seen_ the lengths your peoples will go to in order to get what they want?"

"We don't have time for this, Fili," Billana says, and all eyes turn on her.

"Interesting," Thranduil observes, "is this, perhaps, how you were able to avoid my generous hospitality." Fili snorts.

"How we managed it isn't important," he replies. "The important thing is that there is a vast army of orcs headed this way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be in bed, but I had studying to do. As always, when I complete a section I get to write for ten minutes. It's a good reward. There is a lot more that was supposed to happen this chapter, but it was threatening to double in length, so I've cut it.
> 
> Keep safe everyone! I want you all alive and well when I reach the end of this crazy thing!


	64. Alliances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil lounges on his chair and raises a silver goblet to his lips

"Orcs?" Thranduil asks, lounging back in his chair and raising a silver goblet to his lips. Billana would put a good portion of her share on the fact that the goblet contains wine. "A ploy by your king, no doubt, to scare us into departing."

"My uncle doesn't know that we've come," Fili admits and Thranduil leans forwards.

"If this is true," the Master sneers, "then we would be best served by returning to Laketown and letting the orcs deal with you. It will be a simple matter to take the mountain from them and claim that which is rightfully ours afterwards."

"None of the gold in that mountain belongs to you," Fili snarls. "Your people have done nothing but cower in the face of the dragon. We have paid dearly to claim it back."

"Fili," Billana cuts him off.

"What, exactly, have you sacrificed?" Thranduil demands. "It was my realm that burned under the onslaught of the dragon's fire."

"That wasn't our intention," Fili admits. "We had hoped to avoid the attention of the dragon altogether until we had more of our people here to help deal with him."

"Your lack of planning and thought cost elf lives," Thranduil points out.

"And your lack of aid in the aftermath of Smaug's attack cost a great many dwarf lives," Fili replies.

"It doesn't matter," Billana snaps in frustration. "What matters now is that even more lives are going to be lost. Given the numbers and location, you won't be making it back to Laketown. They already have us cut off. We came to warn you so that you can be ready, not to debate whose actions have caused more hardship or cost more lives. The orcs are coming, people are going to die. The only question is whether we stand together or continue to bicker among ourselves and get taken by surprise."

"Very well said, my dear," a new voice says, and all eyes turn upon the door.

Gandalf stands there, looking decades older than he had when they last saw him. His grey robes are even more tattered and his hair hangs limp and dirty about his head. Billana cries his name, rising onto her hind legs and placing her fore paws on his shoulders so that she can greet him. The smell of orc hits her hard and she recoils away from him.

"What happened?" She asks. "You smell so strongly of them!"

"I was imprisoned, Billana," he tells her, and the Master makes a noise of surprise, obviously not having realised that the talking wolf is the same hobbit he had tried to have kidnapped. "It is why I could not meet you at the entrance, although you seem to have done well enough for yourselves. I would not have escaped at all but for the sudden departure of every orc in Dol Guldur and the arrival of the other members of the White Council. The danger is greater than any of us realised, and the sickness upon Mirkwood is only a part of it. An ancient enemy is trying to return and within that army he will have an agent who _must_ be killed. No matter what. The enemy is interfering in things that he has been forbidden to influence and we need proof of it." He glances around the tent. "But I see a great many things have changed while I have been gone. Why is a meeting of such importance being conducted in the middle of the night? And by the heir to the throne under the mountain who lacks a proper guard."

"There's only fourteen of us in that mountain, Gandalf," Fili reminds the wizard. "Hardly a large enough number for a proper guard."

"Perhaps I should have specified _any_ guard at all," the wizard arches an eyebrow.

"There was a problem," Fili admits.

"Yes, it would seem that the great and righteous Thorin Oakenshield has fallen to the same insanity that plagued his grandfather," Thranduil sneers.

"This is nothing like what happened to Thror," Fili snarls. "This is because of Smaug," he takes a shuddering breath, "this is because my gift wasn't enough."

"There are few who possess the gift powerfully enough to stand against a dragon and survive, young master dwarf," Gandalf points out, "that any of you are still alive and the dragon dead is a miracle itself." Thranduil sniffs.

"If fourteen of them can defeat a dragon," he says as he takes another sip of his wine, "they should be able to handle an army made up of all the orcs in Middle Earth."

"I had thought my uncle counselled against warning you because of the curse Smaug had placed upon him," Fili grinds out between his teeth, "now I wonder if, perhaps, he said it because he knew that you would turn tail and run." Billana noses his pocket and Fili digs into it, pulling out a small pouch that Billana _knows_ cannot possibly contain all of the gems that Thranduil had laid claim to. "There are more of these," he says as he flings the pouch over, "safe in the mountain where only my brother, our wife and I know to look. I brought those as a show of good faith, that we could be allies in the battle that approaches. I give you my word as heir to the throne of Erebor that they will be returned to you should the battle be won." The elf king's face takes on an odd expression as he opens the pouch. The gems inside seem to glow slightly and it renders his face slightly eerie in the candle lit tent.

"Only if the battle is won?" Thranduil asks.

"I would not think that any of us would be in a position to care about the whereabouts of the rest if we should lose," Elladan observes dryly. "No gift for us?" He asks Fili.

"Only that I grace you with the benevolence of my presence instead undoing the healers good work on Elrohir's nose after giving you one to match," Fili replies and is surprised when the twins both laugh.

"Well, Billana, you did not need our approval," Elrohir says, "but we shall give it anyway. I doubt you could have found yourself a better mate had you searched for an eternity."

"Not, you understand," Elladan adds, "that we will ever do more than tolerate them for your sake. Still, it would seem that we have some measure of our father's foresight after all, for all the years that we have called you 'Little Queen'."

"You two are impossible," Billana comments, "and we need to leave or we won't be back at the mountain by dawn," she tells Fili. He nods.

"Will you help us?" He asks Thranduil.

"I dislike the cryptic warnings of wizards," Thranduil comments, the bag of gems tucked out of sight, "and I am little inclined towards accepting the truths offered by dwarves. I am not, however, a complete fool. When both parties arrive spouting the same nonsense it should be given careful consideration, no matter my opinion on the messengers. We will fight with you, young prince, should your warning prove correct. If the orcs have not arrived within two days, however, you shall find my wrath _less_ pleasant than my hospitality." Fili snorts.

"The Men will _not_ stand with you," the Master declares. "You come here and do little more than make threats and break the promises that your king and his adviser gave, only to demand that we fight your battles."

"In which case I will not speak to my wife's father about ensuring that the terms within the contracts in _our_ possession are adhered to," Fili shrugs. "By fraudulently altering _your_ copy you have rendered the entire deal voided, by dwarven law at least. If you are to take your Men and run there won't be enough of you left to worry over the contract once the orcs are done with you."

"And if we _do_ stand with you?" The Master asks.

"Then the agreement as we have it written will stand," Fili assures him, "again you have my word as heir to the throne."

"Which is worthless if Thorin continues in his current state," Gandalf mumbles, too low for the Man to hear but the elves in the room all look at him sharply. "Come along, both of you, I will escort you as near as I may and you can tell me what it is that afflicts your uncle."

Billana would have missed the gesture had she not turned back once more to bid farewell to the twins. As it is, she sees the moment that the Master raises his hand and flicks his fingers towards her. She sees the two Men who stand beside him leap at her in a useless attempt to grab her, and she sees the moment that Fili sinks his blade into one of them as he steps in front of her. Her jaws close about the hand of the other, who screams as she crushes the bones of his wrist. She releases him in horror, though whether it is due to the fact that the Master tried to have her taken, Fili's rapid dispatch of the other guard or her own actions she is not able to say. Thranduil and the twins are on their feet, swords drawn as the Master babbles about treachery at the hands of his own people.

"Go," Elladan hisses, "we will deal with this. You must get back to the mountain before you are both missed."

They rush through the camp, Gandalf's staff glowing in his grasp as he leads them through the numerous elves drawn to the noise coming from the king's tent. They are completely ignored by all and well on their way to Erebor before the wizard slows his pace. For all Gandalf has the appearance and bearing of an old man, when it suits him the wizard moves as though none of the decades he carries have touched him at all.

"Tell me about Thorin," Gandalf orders as soon as they are a good distance from the elven encampment.

They do not stop as Fili and Billana tell Gandalf about the fight with Smaug and how Thorin was struck by the unknown spell that left him unconscious for days and bedridden for a time after that. Fili then tells Gandalf what they found within a damaged book deep in the library of Erebor and his own attempt to help Thorin that seems to have accelerated the deterioration of the dwarf king's mind. Their pace slows with that, Gandalf's head bent low as he thinks on everything that they have told him and his steps beginning to show his exhaustion.

"There is something that I can try," Gandalf says finally, "though I fear that it will be some time until I am able to attempt it. Dragon curses are not easily lifted and if the battle that will come in the following days does not shock your uncle back to himself, it may be that you will have to take the throne far earlier than any of us would like. The dwarves of Erebor cannot afford to be under the rule of another mad king while their position here in the north is still tenuous."

"I will not do anything to harm my uncle," Fili hisses.

"Nor would I ask it of you," Gandalf assures him. "Get back into the mountain and try to stay out of his notice. I do not like to think what Thorin might do in the grip of this curse. Not even the fact that you are family will protect you from his wrath at a time like this. You will have to exercise great caution in dealing with him until this matter can be solved." Fili nods and Gandal kneels beside Billana. "As for you, my dear," he says, running a hand that trembles slightly through her fur, "you have grown into exactly who I knew you could be. I am proud of you, and I am happy for you. Be well, and be careful tomorrow. I expect to see the three of you still alive when the fighting is over."

They nod and hurry away, aware of the first rays of sunlight which are beginning to peak over the horizon, and make it back up onto the battlements with just enough time to slip back to their rooms before the rest of the Company begins to wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is my assignment done? No. Is it nearly done? Also no. Am I working on it? Sort of. Writing is my reward for working out which extremophile is which!! And all the lovely comments I've been getting lately are seriously addictive.


	65. Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like a goodbye

Fili, Kili and Billana stay in their chamber as long as they can that day, the atmosphere heavy as they wait for the inevitable. One way or another, this day or the next, they will leave the mountain to enter a battle for their lives and those of the rest of the Company. They huddle together, hardly daring to speak, as they come together for what they all fear could be the last time. Fili tries to persuade the two of them to leave, no one will notice two extra ravens around the mountain and there is still some time for them to find a safe place to go and live their lives. If the battle is won they can return, if he lives he will wait in the mountain for them, but there is no sense in all of them risking their lives, there is no sense in all of them dying. He goes silent when both Kili and Billana insist that they won't abandon him. They are in this together, all of them, they all go out to fight or none of them do. Billana doesn't say it, suspects that they have already thought the same, she simply knows that if _they_ do not survive the coming days, _she_ will not either.

Dwalin comes for them in the early afternoon, his expression blank but tension rolls off him in waves. Thorin wants them at the wall, he tells them, and they all exchange a long look before gathering as many of their weapons as they can easily lay their hands on. They know what is coming, what will likely await them as night falls, and they have no desire to be caught without should the inevitable happen when they are listening to Thorin's latest ravings.

"Whatever you three did," Dwalin mutters, "keep your heads down and your mouths _shut_. I don't want to be picking up pieces of you, or having to choose sides."

"We know," Fili tells him, "and we have no intention of asking it of you. We were just trying to find a solution."

"Is there really an army of orcs coming?" Dwalin asks softly.

"Yes," Kili replies. Dwalin sighs.

"When it gets here, you three need to stay in the mountain," he says. "I promised your Amad that I wouldn't let anything happen to the two of you."

"We can't hide in the mountain like cowards, Dwalin," Fili objects, "and we won't. Our place will be out there, with our people." Dwalin scowls at him. "This isn't a discussion we have time for, and you will be needed at uncle's side when the time comes." The guard nods brusquely, the conversation put to an end by the fact that they can see the exit onto the walls ahead of them. This is not something that Thorin will need to hear.

"Assurances have been made," She hears Thranduil yell up. "Generous ones at that. Will you not come down and speak with us? This battle cannot be won if we fail to coordinate our efforts."

"There are none here," Thorin snaps, "who would dare to defy _my_ will. Who would have dared to give you assurance on my behalf?" Thranduil watches him silently, his raised eyebrow in an unspoken challenge and slowly Thorin turns to look at them all, eyes roaming over them until they fall upon her. " _You_!" He snarls. "You have done this? You have betrayed me!" He reaches for her and Fili steps forward.

"No, Uncle," he says. "It was me. _I_ went and spoke with Thranduil on your behalf." Thorin staggers back a step.

" _You_?" He breathes. "You would betray me? I could believe it of Kili, he has ever been the more susceptible to lure of a pretty face, but you, my heir, _you_ I had thought better of."

"You are changed, Uncle," Fili replies, straightening. "You are not the king we followed to the mountain. We need to prepare and we need allies. I am only doing what you taught me to do. I am doing the best thing for our people and that is to heed the warning given to us and find allies against this threat to the home we have _just_ reclaimed. As I promised I would, a promise that _you_ demanded of me before we even left Ered Luin."

"I asked that vow of you _only_ if I were rendered incapable of completing such a task myself," Thorin roars.

"But you _are_!" Kili almost screams. "You don't see it! And the rest don't _want_ to. Smaug's spell has changed you and Fili doesn't want to be forced to say it, but I _will_ , you aren't _fit_ to be king! You are the one who taught us that a king without a mind is no king at all."

Billana's breath catches in her throat as Thorin draws his sword, aiming for Kili and even though she cannot see her husband's face she thinks that he might be as stunned by this development as she is. She clutches at the dagger at her belt, the charmed stone catches the rays of sunlight in a spark of intertwined golden and midnight fire as she slams it into the stones at their feet. Thorin's sword clashes harmlessly off the shield that springs up around them, his shout of rage muted by the fire that surrounds them all even as he yells for Dwalin and Balin to take them and do what they have prevented him from doing.

"I'll not touch my daughter, Thorin," Balin tells him, "or her husbands. I'll not bear the guilt of that as well."

"Nor I," Dwalin shakes his head. "I made a promise to your sister that I mean to keep. I won't allow a scheme of yours to take her sons from her."

"Nori!" Thorin bellows.

"You where my loyalty lies, Thorin," the thief says, standing next to Dwalin. "I stopped giving my loyalties to kings a long time ago."

With every word, every sign that the Company are turning against him Thorin's face grows more pale, the golden sheen over his eyes more pronounced as the curse seems to press upon him. Fili and Kili are tense next to her, watching their uncle with expressions that she would call desperate. The sword falls from Thorin's numb fingers and only moments later he follows it, landing heavily on his knees as something dark and oily in appearance rolls over him. The entire Company take a step back, although Billana, Fili and Kili stay safe in their shielded bubble as they watch. Finally, as a raven lands on the wall, an agonised scream escapes him and the shifting darkness flows from him like water, vanishing into the stones beneath him as Thorin slumps forward. Oin catches him, the pale green of his gift already lighting up his hands.

"It's gone," the healer tells them. "Whatever the dragon did, it's gone."

"How?" Balin asks.

"We took everything from him," Fili replies. "We did the one thing that he couldn't imagine us doing and turned our backs on him." His voice is hushed, as though he is nearly in tears from how this has played out. Then he spots the raven. "Dain is here," he breathes, "I only hope he got the message."

From the lack of insults being traded in front of the mountain, Billana assumes that he has, but they don't get a chance to find out as there is the sound of another horn and the ground begins to rumble. A second raven tumbles onto the wall, this one with an arrow through its wing and its eyes glazed from pain. Just a slight touch from Billana's magic tells her that this raven cannot survive his injuries, and her own strength is too depleted to allow her to work quickly enough, even as the light of the sun is covered as though a heavy cloud has moved over it.

The orcs have arrived.

Chaos erupts at the foot of the mountain as the gathered armies of elves, Men and dwarves turn to face this greater threat. Billana can vaguely hear shouted orders and the rumble of running feet as the orcs approach and the elves move into formations that she has no words for. To the east she can see an army of dwarves thundering forwards, some on foot others riding rams and boars. The sense of the animals racing into the battle strikes her hard, the screams and calls of enemy and friendly alike, the excitement of the wargs for their feast of flesh and the determination of the rams and boars to keep their people safe. She gasps and slams down on her magic, shoving every thought and sensation from every animal out there as far away as she can, forcing her attention back to the Company who all stand frozen and caught between the desire to aid their people in the battle and not knowing what to do about Thorin who is still nearly unconscious on the floor.

It is Kili who approaches first, passing Billana's little dagger back to her with the briefest of touches to her cheek in thanks, taking his uncle from Oin's care and calling the dwarf king's name softly. Thorin stares back at him, not seeming to understand what he is seeing, then a broken noise comes from his mouth and he drags the younger prince against him. His grip must be crushing as he mutters in a low voice to his nephew, Billana's Khuzdul is still fairly rudimentary, but she knows that Thorin is apologising for his words and behaviour, begging the forgiveness that she knows Kili will give without thought. She hangs back when Fili joins them, happy that her husbands can forgive their uncle but not certain that she can do the same even though she knows that so many of his actions and thoughts were as a result of the curse Smaug had placed on him. Billana knows what it is to be scared. Being scared is what has kept her alive and relatively unharmed for years and it is not something that she can forget how to feel. That the others are happy and willing to forgive will need to be enough, it will take her time and she can only hope that her family can accept that.

"We need to be out there," Kili says finally, "others are fighting and dying for us. We cannot hide here."

"And we will not," Thorin gets to his feet, swaying a little as he issues orders to open the wall that the others have built in whatever manner they must so that the fourteen of them can join the battle.

She has no idea what difference fourteen of them could possibly make.

"Billana," Fili calls her over before she can follow the rest down the stairs. Kili waits with him, his face grave. "We need you to do something for us-"

"If you ask me to stay in this mountain, Fili," she says, "so help me, I'll-"

"We aren't asking you to stay in the mountain," Kili tells her quickly, "We're asking you to watch."

"Watch?" She asks.

"For Azog," Fili says, "for whoever it is that Gandalf thinks is working directly with 'the enemy', whoever that might be, for anything else that we might not see. Can you do that?"

It's just another way of trying to keep her out of the fighting, she knows, but she cannot refuse them, they will need to be able to focus and if staying above everything is the only way to help them do that, it is what she will have to do. She nods in agreement and Fili exhales in relief, kissing her as quickly and passionately as he can in the moments that he has before Kili does the same. It feels like a goodbye, too much like one, and tears fill her eyes as she looks at them both. She drags her little sword from her belt and hands it to Fili, it isn't much, not as big as he is used to or paired with anything, but if she is to be above them and watching then it is of no use to her at all. He takes it gravely, then both of them turn and disappear back into the mountain. She chokes down a quick sob before changing, taking a falcon's form while keeping her own voice just in case she needs to communicate with anyone.

She loses sight of Fili and Kili in the melee below quickly, although she tries to keep track of them for as long as she can, and she dedicates her time to doing as they asked and dropping on top of enemy soldiers as and when she can, raking her talons over skulls and clawing at eyes. Her efforts may not directly kill any orc or warg, but they allow others who might have died that moment to recover and survive. It seems to take hours, hours of avoiding orc and elf arrows, of wheeling away from the bats who obscure the sun and the grasping jaws of wargs, but finally she finds Gandalf, surrounded by half fallen buildings and a pile of orc corpses.

"There you are, Billana," Gandalf says. "You should not be out here, my dear."

"I couldn't stay in there," she replies, watching as four war rams make their way towards the towers on Ravenshill. Her sharp eyes can see the vast white form of Azog at the top of that tower. Abruptly she realises who must be riding those rams. "What are they _thinking_?" She gasps.

"Cut off the head of the snake," Gandalf muses, "although it will not the _Azog's_ death that will end this. There is another."

"I need to be there," she says, the thought coiling in her with a desperate kind of certainty.

Gandalf doesn't stop her as she launches herself into the air. Her body is screaming with exhaustion but she pushes herself towards the hill, her focus so intent that she almost misses the dark mass of bodies that are beginning to move around the mountain. A second orc army from the north and they are moving directly towards the area that Thorin has been making for. She flies harder than she ever has in her life, wheeling desperately away from half seen arrows as she catches up to the dwarves.

Only Thorin and Dwalin are there when she reaches the top of the hill, screaming the dwarf king's name as loudly as she can.

"It's an ambush," she gasps, landing on a rocky outcrop above him. "There's another army coming this way. Where's Fili and Kili?" Because they will be with their uncle, they _have_ to be with their uncle.

"In there," Dwalin points at the tower.

"Get them," Thorin orders, but it is too late and Billana's heart stops as she hears a dark voice bellow Thorin's name.

They turn to look at the top of the tower, see Azog stood there shouting in his vile tongue while clutching Fili by the back of his neck. The golden mage's movements are sluggish, his hair matted and blood drips slowly from an open wound on his forehead, one that must have done enough damage to fatally slow him down. The white orc's laugh is triumphant as the vile prosthesis he wears emerges from her husband's chest.

Fili falls.

Billana screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where I dive for cover and bury myself in a bomb shelter for a couple of days.... be back on Wednesday when I've finished my assignment.
> 
> This was always going to happen. I've had the end of this chapter (with a few tweaks) written since I started.


	66. Servant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billana screams.

Billana screams.

She screams until she cannot scream any longer and yet her cries of grief do not seem to stop. An army of goblins stream by underneath her as Azog grins down at Thorin's stricken face.

Still Billana screams.

She screams as her grief and rage flow over the battlefield, goats and boars break from the control of their dwarf riders to stampede over orcs, the wargs which had been so impossible for her to exert any form of control over only months before, turn upon their masters, tearing into orc and troll flesh with abandon as the orcs are forced to slaughter their own mounts lest they be slaughtered themselves.

And still she screams.

She screams as she leaps from her perch.

She screams as she drags her talons over Azog's scalp.

She screams as the warg that Azog's mind has been linked to rebels against the connection, tearing into the orcs at the top of the tower as they frantically hack at the beast.

Her screams stop when Azog's flailing arm clips her, batting her delicate bird's body against the rubble of a half collapsed wall. She crumples, pain forcing her back into her own form, glaring defiantly at the white orc as he falls to one knee, his hand clutching his head as the warg breathes her last, taking the remaining orcs with her. Amber eyes fall on a dagger, the opal on the hilt cracked but it is one that she knows well, she carries one like it after all. It can only be Fili's and she reaches for it as Azog straightens, spitting words at her that she knows she doesn't want to understand, laughing as she reaches for the little knife. He probably won't even feel it, not unless she manages to throw it just right and she isn't sure that she has the energy. She _needs_ to have the energy, Fili may have been killed but Kili is in this tower somewhere and she has no intention of losing her other husband, no intention of leaving him alone.

She should feel cold, she thinks as she reaches for the knife. She doesn't. She isn't sure that she knows _how_ to feel at the moment. Azog is at his full height now, black blood spilling into his eyes from the scratches she gave him and she smirks, tugging the blade from where it has been thrust between two stones, turning it so that she can take the point between her fingers. Throwing knives isn't something that she has had a lot of practice with, the bow comes more naturally after all, but Azog is distracted and blinded and this might be her only chance, though there will be no time for careful aim. She takes it, watching the blade spin as it flies towards the orc and realising that it will not strike high enough, watching as it embeds itself in the orcs shoulder, close to his neck but not close enough. Azog laughs and Billana knows that she has failed as she watches him move slowly towards her.

There is a blur of red and gold, the orc stumbles and a sword, _her_ sword, emerges from his neck, run clear through from behind. Not even a creature as large and powerful as this one can survive that, and he topples forward as she scrambles backwards, looking up to see who it is that has saved her life, expecting to see Kili and feeling her heart shatter when she sees that it isn't Kili at all.

It's Fili.

She lets out a broken sob, because it can't be Fili. She watched him die. She saw him fall. She felt her heart tear in two and grief engulf her.

It can't be Fili.

Yet he is dragging her sword from the orc's neck, pulling the little dagger free of Azog's shoulder, approaching her with an expression so utterly furious that she wonders if she _has_ died and they are little more than spirits on their way to the gardens and halls of their ancestors.

"What were you _thinking_?" He demands, fury rendering him terrifying in that moment and she shouldn't be _this_ frightened of her husband.

But this cannot be her husband.

Fili is dead.

"I saw you fall," she whispers. Or maybe it's a sob. She doesn't know. "I saw you fall." She repeats. "You're dead, you can't be here."

His expression shifts, changes into something broken and devastated, the knife and her sword clatter to the floor and he collapses to his knees in front of her. He reaches for her, his movements as slow and careful as she might use to approach an injured animal. They're covered in blood, she notes, the black of the orcs mixing with the red of the other races. Is it his? Do spirits wear the blood of their deaths for all of eternity?

His hands are warm when he touches her, gentle as he pulls her to him and wraps her in his arms against the chill of the air that she still doesn't feel or notice. He is warm, the heat rolling off him in waves that carry his scent with it. The smell of sweat and blood and leather and that slight spice that is uniquely Fili that not even the smell of battle can mask completely.

"It wasn't me," he whispers, his breath warm as it passes over her ear. "I _swear_ to you, Kitten, it wasn't me you saw." The sound of the battle has fallen away. All she hears is Fili, all she feels is the impossible strength of his arms around her as he clings to her. "Remember what Kili and I were making in Rivendell?" He asks and she frowns.

"The sim-" she hesitates.

"The simulacra," he nods. "We used the stone in _your_ dagger to make a shield to protect you. We used the stones in ours to anchor the spell for the simulacrum."

"But it looked so real," she breathes, indeed the same head injury that she saw bleeding so freely on the simulacrum is visible under a mass of blood soaked hair on Fili's head now. His face is streaked with the same bright blood and he looks as exhausted as the image did. She turns away, unable to look at it without seeing the memory of him falling and dying once more.

"It was complicated to do, Kili and I made sure that it would take on the appearance of us in the moment we used them," he says. "When the orcs captured me they brought me here, took all my weapons except your sword and that knife. When they threw me to the ground in front of Azog I used the spell and slipped away under the veil of a cats eye agate." He tilts her chin so that she has to meet his eyes, so that she can see the desperate plea that she forgive him for giving her that memory. "If I had known that you were there I would have given you some sign, some signal, I just needed Azog to drop his guard enough. I'm sorry, Kitten, I'm so sorry." Then his lips are on hers and it is desperate and warm and everything that Fili's kisses have always been. She clutches at him, her fingers tangling in his hair and she tugs, perhaps a little harder than she means to, and he flinches away with a hiss.

"You're alive," she gasps, his reaction to that tiny amount of pain enough to convince her beyond any words he might have said, "you're really alive."

"I am," he assures her, releasing her and yanking his coat off. He wears heavy mail scavenged from the armoury underneath, something she should have remembered when she watched Azog kill him, the other him, and he wraps the coat around her, securing it in place with his belt. "You're freezing, Billana," he mutters, then kisses her again. She could stay like this forever, basking in her relief that he's alive, but there are other factors to take into account.

"Kili," she says when they part again and sheer relief is no longer clouding her thoughts. "Where's Kili? Did they-?"

"No," he shakes his head, "we separated, he went further in." She looks at him in horror.

"There's a second army," she tells him, "they were passing through this tower." He stares at her.

"Can you shift?" He asks, and she shakes her head uncertainly. Fili curses softly. "Stay behind me," he orders.

She nods and they race back down through the tower, pausing only to grab the pair of swords that he prefers so that he can pass her tiny blade to her. She clutches it as they go, though there is no real sign of life, and she touches at her magic to see what, if anything, there is left to her. Her wellspring is low, dangerously so, but she suspects that if she really has to she could shift once more. She would need to be desperate, as though she hasn't spent most of the day in a state of panic and desperation, and she knows that she will spend even more of it like this until the battle is over. It doesn't show any sign of ending at all, even though Azog is dead and no longer relaying orders, and she remembers what Gandalf told them; Azog wasn't the one in charge here. He was merely the figurehead.

The sound of fighting reaches them from ahead and the round a corner carefully, in time to see Elladan and Elrohir flung away from another massive white orc. Elladan slides against a wall and slumps, unconscious, but Elrohir vanishes over the edge of the tower, disappearing where a wall once stood and Billana would cry out but for the fact that Fili pulls her close and silences her. They cannot afford to draw attention to themselves. She recognises this orc, it was the one that had laughed at the trees when she and Kili had spotted the marching army and even in her natural form it is far larger and more intimidating than Azog. Which is when she spots Kili, charging the orc almost desperately, and had this been any other creature she suspects that her other husband would have made quick work of it. Indeed for a moment she thinks that he might succeed where the twins did not, until she realises that this one is toying with the dark-haired mage and she sees the moment that Kili comes to the same conclusion as his attacks increase in power. His sword starts to crackle with his gift and the orc laughs, reaching to grab it in his hand and there is a flash of something painful as he does it. Fili and Billana both fall to their knees, but she hears Kili scream in agony as the orc tears the sword away.

"Stay here," Fili whispers, "and if we both-" he pauses. "I love you," he says finally and rushes out to hack at the orcs back as the massive thing takes Kili in its grasp, raising Kili's own sword to strike.

It roars when Fili's sword connects with its back, flinging his hand out and grabbing Fili's arm to toss him away. Her husband hits a nearby wall with a sickening thud, though he tries to struggle to his feet. Kili, she is relieved to see, takes advantage of the moment of distraction to change, to force himself into the form of a raven and make an attempt to escape. It isn't quick enough and the orc manages to grab one of his legs as he tries to flee. Billana's heart seems to stop, time seems to still. She cannot live through this again, she cannot face the thought of losing one of them because this time it will not be an illusion, this time it will be real and she won't survive it.

Her shift, when she performs it, hurts, she knows that she is drawing too much of her magic, that she is probably taking from her own life force, but she cannot lose either of them, she will die first. She is mid-shift when she leaps, just enough the wolf to open her jaws and clamp them around the wrist of the orc as her shift is completed. She bites down again and even dense orc bones cannot stand against the power of a determined wolf's jaws. The orc screams as she successfully manages to remove his hand, the appendage falling as Kili is released from its hold. It lands with a thud, a sound far heavier that it should be, the last rays of the day's light glinting off a golden ring on one finger, as Kili flies at the orc's remaining eye. It is enough to give Billana the time to leap once more and she doesn't hesitate, tearing into the orc's neck in a sickening spray of black blood. This time is doesn't get a chance to roar, slumping and falling as Fili hobbles to them both and Kili lands on her shoulder.

There is nothing more that they can do. All three of them are spent. All that there is left is for Billana and Kili to change back and then to find somewhere else to hole up until the fighting ends.

"Billana," Fili mutters, wrapping his arm around her and yanking her back.

She looks down at the orc's hand, her change wasn't complete, she realises, she still sees as a hobbit would, and she can see a pool of swirling red and black and orange spilling out from it. She flinches back, noticing how close it has come to her paw as she hears a voice that makes her fur stand on end begin to chant and call. It is hypnotic, tempting and terrifying and she skitters back towards Fili when Kili pecks at her head.

The pool swirls, growing and shifting until it has taken the form of a great figure in black armour and Billana feels despair take her. They barely managed to beat the two great white orcs. How are they supposed to manage this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly would have left you all with that cliffie until Wednesday, but I'm in a benevolent mood, and latitudinal circulation has broken my brain for anything assignment shaped. Not, though, for resolving the thing with Fili. Did any of you REALLY think I would kill him off? Really? Because my catalogue of fics should speak for themselves. Like I'm killing off either of the younger Durins…
> 
> And I set this up in chapter 16, ages ago. That's how long I've had this planned


	67. Lasto Belain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is an explosion without sound and the air falls still.

The three stare up at the armoured figure, Billana is accustomed to being around beings who are taller than she is, she has been travelling with dwarves through the lands of Men and elves. Even the shortest member of the Company is taller that she is, and she has spent much of her life with the twins who are both well over six feet tall. Even with the odd perspective that comes from being in the form of a wolf she suspects that this being is over eight feet tall. Malice rolls off him in waves, causing Billana to shrink back into the coat that she still wears having not taken a form small enough to break free of it during the fighting. She hears Fili mutter something, a name she thinks, and hears Kili shriek before he takes flight. She watches her raven shaped husband as he swoops down on the hand she had severed from the orc, shudders as something like a scream comes from the figure when Kili manages to dislodge the ring on one of the fingers. He carries it back as the large figure drags a foot free of the shifting pool, reaches a hand for the raven that barely misses Kili's tail feathers.

The fall of that foot seems to make the _world_ shudder beneath them.

Billana shudders and feels her grip on her wolf form slip and falter, Kili tumbles from the air beside her, changing back in the same moment that she does and coughing on the ring that he had stolen. It falls to the floor with a clunk and Billana snatches it up. Whispering fills her mind, promises that will be fulfilled if she only hands over the ring and swears to serve the great being before her. She clutches the ring more tightly to her, though it makes her nauseous just to touch it, exhaustion tugging at her and making her wonder whether the coming fight will be worth it. She has nothing left to give, and even as she backs against Fili, who holds Kili slumped against him, she knows that they are all going to die. The whispers change, become dark and threatening, but still she clutches the ring, not willing to simply give it up. Fili wraps his free arm around her, whispering a quiet plea that she hand him the ring and run, assuring her that he will hold off this threat for as long as he can. She shakes her head. She told him months ago that she would only leave him if she left _with_ Kili if there wasn't any hope for _him_ , she told him that she would never leave both of them to their fates if it meant living however many decades she has left without them. She means to keep to that and the sigh he gives when she shakes her head shows it. Still, he clutches her tighter and Kili's hand comes up to take her free one.

The figure's other foot has emerged from the pool now, bringing him a step closer as waves of malice roll over them all. Billana is shaking, and she can feel her husbands trembling as well, there is no where to go, no where to run, no where to hide.

"You cannot stand against me," the being says, the sound of his voice is agonising. "Return what is _mine_."

"No," Billana gasps, not sure how she knows it but absolutely certain that if she hands over this ring everything will be lost.

He reaches for her, only to pause and turns to look at the sky as he lets out a roar of utter fury. Billan looks up, eyes going wide as she sees five of the great eagles approaching. It isn't until they get closer that she can see that every eagle is carrying a passenger. Two of them Billana recognises instantly, she would know Gandalf's hat anywhere and Radagast appears much the same as he was when they met so many months before. The two of them arrive first, sliding from their eagles and the grey wizard immediately rushes towards the two dwarves and their hobbit as another of the wizards slides from the back of his eagle white robes billowing around his ankles. He speaks a word and the armoured figure falls back slightly as another two slide from the last of the eagles.

These two are dressed differently from the other wizards. They wear hoods of a brilliant blue rather than the hats that Gandalf and Radagast prefer. They also wear tunics and trousers under their cloaks instead of robes, with mud spotted boots and carrying staffs that are polished from use. They join the others, along with Gandalf who turns towards the dark figure after making sure that Billana and the princes are alright, and the five raise their staffs. Light shines from the crystals to form a sphere around the dark figure. The speak another word and the world seems to shudder, for a moment the dark figure shrinks in upon himself and Billana hopes that he will be this easily stopped.

Nothing about this quest has been easy.

Not even this.

The wizards fall back when a wave of energy comes from the centre of the sphere and Billana hears herself scream, the sound raw and terrified. Fili pulls her closer still, his arm tight around her.

"It isn't enough!" She hears Radagast shout.

"Without the anchor we cannot hold him," one of the ones in blue agrees, "and without the anchor They will not lend Their aid." The light from their staffs intensifies and the air around them begins to stir and race, becoming a great wind which drags against cloaks and robes.

"We cannot break the circle to search it out," Gandalf calls. "We must seal him first."

He sounds exhausted, Billana thinks, but he was tired before the battle began. Still they push at the dark figure, who seems to be fighting back with everything he has. He is not restrained as the wizards seem to be, lashing out at them individually and all at once, and the ring in her hand begins to burn. She looks down at it, seeing its glow between her fingers and she opens her fist to see that words have begun to form on the surface, words that shift and dance and that are beautiful in form in a way that the creature who desires it is not.

"The anchor," she breathes as the creature lashes out towards Gandalf with a particularly vicious attack.

"Billana?" Fili whispers.

"I think this is what they need," she replies. "Help me get to them?"

Alone she will not be able to withstand this wind. Dwarves are heavier than hobbits, Fili and Kili are buffeted by it but she doubts that they feel like they'll be swept away if it catches them right. Indeed, when she struggles onto her exhausted feet she staggers and that is all the prompting that they need to stand as well. They protect her from the magical storm as best they can. Fili being the only one of them with any magical reserves left raises one of his glittering shields of gold and the way that the magic that surrounds them rushes over it and makes it shine would be beautiful under any other circumstances. Her focus, however, it not on the beauty that surrounds her, or on the comforting warmth of her husbands. Her focus is on Gandalf and she clings to his robes when she gets close enough.

"I have it," she breathes, not certain that he will hear her over the roar of the wind.

The wizard glances down, face a mask of drawn concentration that softens into clear relief when he sees what she's holding. He isn't the only one to notice and the dark figure races towards them, though that movement seems to need to cross an impossible distance, a great sword in hand that seems to have been moulded from its own limbs and Billana lets out a cry as Fili casts a shield in front of it. The shield shatters instantly, if the wizards cannot hold his creature then Fili had no chance, and he cries out as the spell is broken, falling to his knees with sweat pouring down his face and blood trickling from his nose. It is enough, however, to cause Gandalf to strengthen his side of the flickering sphere as he calls something in a language that Billana both cannot identify and yet seems to echo in every tongue at once.

"No!" The dark figure cries shrinking back.

Time stills.

The wind dies.

The sphere solidifies into something that shimmers with rainbows.

The ring in Billana's palm goes cold.

The tower shifts, becoming surrounded by nothing but white as fourteen indistinct lights of varying colours gradually take form. Their features manifest into distinct appearances, seven male and seven female, even though there is still a shimmer about Them that makes it seem like They are not truly present. Perhaps They aren't, she thinks a little hysterically as the reality of what she might be seeing begins to sink in. After all, the Valar swore that They would never set foot upon this part of the world again after the War of Wrath. Even the dark figure who now cowers in the centre of the glowing sphere now makes sense, now has a name. She can hardly believe that she had not made the connection before between the otherworldly and impossible monster from the histories she had studied as a child and the great being who had demanded the return of this ring, save for the fact that she is exhausted and terrified. She wants this to end so that she can return to the mountain, curl up between her husbands and sleep for a year. Nothing that Gandalf had told her when he asked her to join this ill-fated quest had indicated that she would be dealing with the terrors of legend.

Nothing had prepared her to look up the worldly form of Sauron and hear the call of his voice.

"What are we to do with you?" The one who stands behind the white wizard asks.

Fili and Kili stare upon Him in awe, their eyes wide and reverent. His thick beard and heavily muscled arms are a clue to His identity, but even Billana can hear the deep echos of the forge in His voice. Aulë. Mahal.

"Clearly," another says, His voice sounding like the whisper of a pleasant dream, "shutting him away is not enough."

"We have his anchor to this realm," and this can only be Manwë, for His voice is like a gale. "Perhaps this time we should sever the link entirely."

"You would _kill_ me!" Sauron screams. "You would slaughter me in cold blood!"

"We would do no such thing," another continues, Her voice so gentle and loving that this can only be Estë. "You would be rendered little more than a shade without form or power."

"A cold wind that can do nothing but bite and discomfort only to be chased away by the warmth of spring," this is Vairë, the Weaver of Fates, Her voice joined by that of Her husband, Mandos, Their hands clasped as They pronounce the future that They see for this creature who cringes away from them.

"So be it," Manwë declares. "We had hoped, Sauron, that you would learn from the fate of your Master. Clearly, though you are a talented craftsman, your capacity for learning from your mistakes and misdeeds is lacking. This fate is, perhaps, kinder than any other. Aulë? I feel the final judgement should lie with You."

"And it shall be done," He replies, breaking the circle of fourteen to approach Billana and her husbands. "You have done well," He tells them as he accepts the ring. "It is time this was ended." He adds, going to retake his place.

The wizards withdraw, obviously aware that they are no longer needed, and form a ring around the three onlookers. A shield comes into place as the Valar raise their arms, lifting the ring above the shining sphere as Aulë bellows a single word that is so loud it makes her ears ring, and so soft that it wraps around her like a blanket. The ring begins to glow, gradually growing brighter and brighter as the fourteen echo the word spoken by the Smith until the three of them are forced to look away and hide their faces in each other. The sounds of Sauron's screaming filling the air around them until finally there is an explosion without sound and the air falls still.

When Billana dares to look the sphere is empty and the Valar are lowering their arms.

"Well, my daughter," a voice says, "you have certainly achieved far more than I had ever dared to hope."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew how I wanted this to go, but it's taken me days to get it written down the way that I want it. Sometimes getting things from my head onto the screen is a lot harder than I would like, especially as this was so clearly the goal at the start.
> 
> Butchered Quenya (if you believe the song I pinched it from)  
> Lasto Belain: Valar, answer me.


	68. Valar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, my daughter," a voice says, "you have certainly achieved far more than I had ever dared to hope."

"Well, my daughter," a voice says, "you have certainly achieved far more than I had ever dared to hope."

Billana turns to look at the speaker. It is one of the blue wizards, she realises, the younger looking of the two. Neither of them look as old as the other three, although the twins have told her enough about the wizards for her to know that their appearances do not reflect their true natures at all. He removes his hood to reveal hair that is the same grey streaked brown as his neatly trimmed beard, his companion is entirely grey and his beard longer, and they both look at her with kind brown eyes. Now that she can see them more clearly without the interference of their magics she can see that they aren't all that much taller than her husbands, certainly not as tall as Gandalf, Radagast or the white wizard, who is looking at them all with barely concealed contempt.

"Again, Pallando?" He sneers. "The Woman was bad enough, but I had thought that sending you East would be enough to deter you from indulging in such _base_ and forbidden actions."

"Saruman," Gandalf warns with a glance towards the gathered Valar, all of whom seem to have noticed the discussion.

His warning comes too late, however, as one with the voice of a dozen hounds engaged in the thrill of the hunt summons them forward.

"My Lord Oromë," the one identified as Pallando bows.

"When I allowed Alatar to invite you to join him," Oromë sighs, "it was not with the intent that you create another problem." Kili makes a noise of protest, although it is clear that he's as exhausted as she is. "Hush, child of Aulë," He holds up a hand, "no offense was intended."

"How could Billana possibly cause a problem?" Fili demands.

Manwë approaches, regarding her with grey eyes that swirl with heavy snow clouds.

"We learnt from the birth and life of Luthien," He replies. "She would have turned the world upon its head to get her lover back. Such raw and untamed ability attracts darkness, even had she never _met_ Beren events would have eventually occurred that meant she could never have led a normal life. Where beings of power are found so are extraordinary circumstances and we prefer that such as her do not walk the world. Billana will have to leave for Valinor when the Istari depart."

"No," Billana replies without thinking. "I won't go."

"My dear child," Gandalf says soothingly, "it will be well. Your elf friends will eventually join us, and your father will be there so that you may come to know one another. You have an eternity after all."

"You think I _want_ eternity?" She cries. "I couldn't imagine anything _worse_ than an eternity! I won't let you take me. What about Fili and Kili? My _husbands_? I won't leave them. And _he_ is no father to me! Not one that I want anything to do with! He abandoned my mother, he abandoned _me_! He clearly wanted nothing at all to do with us once he'd had his way and left us to weather the scorn of the Shire alone. He _sired_ me, and that is all he is to me. I have father, one who _loves_ me. I am Billana Took, daughter of Balin son of Fundin and I won't be taken from my _family_!"

After all her years of wanting to know the identity of her father the words are a surprise to Billana as well. Given that she now stands to lose everything, however, she is realising just how little his identity really matters. After all, he really _did_ leave her mother to suffer the scorn of the Shire and allowed Billana to be raised there suffering at the hands of the hobbits who found her very existence ugly and shameful. Why should he be anything to _her,_ when _she_ was nothing to _him_?

"You will cease this unseemly display," Manwë tells her. "You have little choice in the matter. You will board a boat to Valinor."

"Not without us, she won't," Kili tells him, and she is surprised to hear Aulë chuckle.

"The line of Durin is as stubborn as ever," He observes cheerfully. "I would prefer you did not summon her," He adds. "She is bound to the last of Durin's direct line and I would appreciate it if they weren't wiped out simply because one of Oromë's Maia was feeling a little bit disobedient."

"A little?" Saruman huffs. "This is the second child that he has sired since his arrival, although he at least took responsibility for raising the first."

"I had wondered where the line of skin changers who began entering my halls had originated," Mandos confesses, "but it seemed pointless to investigate it with the larger concerns. I assumed it was the remnant of some long dormant mischief." Pallando shifts.

"The Woman was comely, I confess that I was curious." He pulls a rueful face. "And I did not enter Rivendell with the design of seducing Belladonna Took, I was drawn there and subsequently to her. I know not how else to explain it."

"Regardless," Manwë waves the subject aside, "the damage has been done. Time has softened the influence of your initial indiscretion significantly. In this case, however-"

"So, you plan to punish Billana for the actions of her parents?" Fili asks. "The same as her own people did. You would take her happiness and her future for the crime of being born?"

"You know nothing of it," Manwë replies, although His expression becomes troubled.

" _You_ know nothing of it," Kili echoes, placing himself between Billana and the King of the Valar, "and I suspect that Fili and I don't even know _half_ of that which our wife endured." That starts the rest of the gathered Valar muttering.

"She is of _my_ people," Vána says, "allow her the same choice we gave Luthien and all the mortal born children of the Eldar. If she is married to these children of Aulë it would be an unnecessary cruelty to forcibly separate them."

"I agree," Varda finally speaks, Her voice soft and as distant as starlight. "Allow her the choice, Husband, allow her the option of a mortal life to match that of her chosen."

"Remember," Mandos says, "we are to watch, not to rule over the races of the world with an iron fist as Melkor would have done."

"You also believe she should be given the choice?" Manwë asks in disbelief.

"I would prefer _not_ to endure the magics of another Maia born child when her husbands reach the end of their mortal lives," Mandos responds dryly. "Once was quite enough."

"Very well," Manwë mutters, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Are there any here who _object_ to her being offered the choice?" There is silence. "Then choose, Billana Took; eternity in Valinor with all its many wonders, or a mortal lifespan to match that expected of your husbands." Billana feels Fili and Kili slip their hands into hers as she looks up at the Vala. "Think carefully, and choose wisely," He adds before she can speak, though she knows her answer. "You will not be permitted to change your mind and I offer no guarantees about how long your dwarves will live. They could live to be three hundred, or they could die in the next hour. Should you choose them, you must face the prospect that you will live many years without them."

"If I _don't_ choose them, I will live an eternity without them," Billana replies.

"Durin's line rarely live quiet or long lives," Aulë tells her.

"I think she's aware of that, my love," Yavanna comments softly, "just as _we_ are all aware of your preference for that line. Unseemly as it is to have favourites."

I admit that I always had a certain fondness for the Tooks," Vána shrugs, "they were ever the more adventurous."

"And see how _that_ has worked out," Oromë observes.

Billana watches the exchange nervously, she _knows_ what her answer is. This isn't a choice that she really needs to make because her decision was made the morning that she agreed to marry Fili and Kili.

"I'm staying," she says. "There was never any question of it." Manwë regards her seriously.

"You know what it is that you have chosen?" He asks.

"To live a mortal life that matches the expected life span of my husbands," she replies and hears a soft snort from one of the others.

"One who has learnt the power of words," a dancing voice comments.

"Then the choice is made," Manwë intones, "and cannot be undone. As many as two hundred and fifty years are yours, Billana Took. Your children will not be given this choice, they will have the same span of years and none of _your_ abilities." She lets out a sigh of relief. "Come, let us depart before the presence of our spirits brings further disruption to the nature of this place."

One by one the others depart sparing dwarves, hobbit and wizard only the briefest of nods as their misty forms begin to shine and dissipate until, finally, only three remain, Manwë, Varda and a young lady with a face that is beautiful but that seems to carry all the sorrow of the world upon it. She can only be Nienna and She reaches out to touch each of them in turn, the caress of Her hand upon their cheeks like the tingle of lightning in the air.

"May your future sorrows be few," She whispers, "and the sources of your happiness great in number." Then, like the others, She fades from view.

Varda merely smiles at them all before departing. Manwë, however, is speaking quietly to the wizards in the same language as the one that had summoned the Valar to Ravenhill. His expression can only really be described as thunderous as he looks at Pallando, and Billana's sire straightens defiantly until the Vala snaps something that makes even the smug Saruman wince. The He, too, departs and abruptly the air is easier to breathe as the sounds that can only be the _aftermath_ of the battle reach their ears.

"You chose us," Fili breathes, turning her to face him, "why? You could have had eternity."

"But what would be the point?" She replies. "Without you and Kili, what use is eternity?"

She has said similar to Kili in the past, and as Kili did on the back of the eagle, Fili presses his head against hers. This time, however, Kili winds around her from behind and the three of them stay that way for a long moment as they drink in the fact that they are, by some miracle, alive. The wizards allow them to remain that way, talking quietly between themselves and Billana hears Radagast and Gandalf mentioning the Greenwood and the dark spells of Sauron's which will need to be counteracted before they depart for the West. Some part of her, she thinks, should be disappointed that she will never come to know her sire fully, beyond whatever limited conversation that they might now have a chance for, but she doesn't really know what to make of knowing who he is. She had assumed, as a child, that discovering the identity of her sire would give her a sense of completeness, a clear idea about who and what she really is. None of that has come to pass and maybe there has just been too much happening alongside the discovery, or perhaps she simply needs more time to think on it. Either way she feels no different now than she did before the Valar turned up to destroy Sauron, save that she is utterly exhausted and she wants to get out of the ruins of this tower so that she can get some sleep.

She is about to say as much when she hears raised voices from the stairs up to this section. Her father, Dwalin and Thorin appear there a moment later, the three of them pausing at the sight that greets them for only a moment before Fili and Kili are pulled into a crushing embrace by Thorin and Balin is dragging Billana into his arms with a muffled sob.

"I'm alright, Adad," she whispers, daring to use the word for the first time and alarmed to see tears spring into his eyes. "Really I am." He pulls away to touch his fingers to her cheeks, heedless of the gore and mud upon them as he takes in every scratch and bruise that he can see.

"And who is this?" She hears Pallando ask. Balin turns to regard him with cool eyes.

"This is Balin, son of Fundin," Billana replies pointedly. "My _father_. Balin, this is Pallando. He's the wizard who sired me."

"Are you, indeed?" Balin asks, his tone mild.

The blue wizard nods, then collapses in a heap when Balin's fist drives the air out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There he is. Mystery dad has been revealed and he's got some 'splainin' to do. 
> 
> As it happens, I actually thought I was going to have to fiddle with all the lore to make my plan work. Imagine my absolute glee when I found out that Alatar and Pallando were both actually Maiar who had been in the service of Oromë anyway, which reasonably meant that they could have hunted with him, hence the white stag calling Billana "daughter of the hunters". All the plans! Since Tolkien contradicted himself about when the Istari arrived in Middle Earth (T.A. 1000 in The Unfinished Tales, but S.A. 1600 in Children of Middle Earth) I went with them arriving in S.A. 1600 so that they had a little bit more time to get up to mischief. Obviously Pallando has more to say for himself in the next chapter, once he gets over being walloped by Balin.


	69. Alatar and Pallando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Balin only hit you. I will stab you."

The next time Billana sees Pallando, and by extension Alatar, is the following morning when she wakes from an exhausted sleep to the sound of arguing voices. The three of them had been quickly spirited down the mountain by Thorin, Dwalin and Balin, followed by Elrohir who had his brother's arm slung over his shoulder. The wizards had followed, Gandalf with his hat pulled low over his face to hide the smirk that Billana had suspected would turn into a full laugh if he met the eyes of any of his companions. Saruman and Radagast had departed upon the backs of two of the giant eagles immediately, and Billana had lost track of where Gandalf and the two blue wizards had disappeared to in the chaos that had come with her being escorted to the nearest healing tents along with Fili and Kili, the former of whom Thorin had still refused to relinquish his grip upon.

After being informed by Oin that the three of them were simply suffering from exhaustion, Balin had sent them all to the nearest unoccupied cots to rest. Explanations, he had told Thorin, could wait until they had rested. The night had passed in full by the time the Valar had departed, though neither Billana, Fili nor Kili had realised it, and by the way that her stomach is protesting as she wakes she realises that she must had slept the day and night through.

"She is my daughter and I will speak with her!" Billana hears one of the voices snap and she knows who it is demanding entry to the tent.

"You may have _sired_ her," Billana hears Dwalin respond, "but until _she_ , her husbands or her chosen father say that you can enter this tent you will remain _out_ of it. Balin only _hit_ you. _I_ will stab you." Fili and Kili are also awake and she sees them exchange a long look.

"Do you want us to send him away, Kitten?" Fili asks.

Billana considers it. Now that she has rested and had a chance to calm after the events and revelations of the previous day she isn't entirely certain that she _wants_ to see Pallando. He must have known that she existed to have greeted her in the manner he did, and he had evidently been quite content to leave her to her fate, whatever it may have been, had they never crossed paths. Nor had he appeared willing to stand against the Valar who had demanded that she abandon her life and her loves to return to Valinor with him. She would, she thinks, be within her rights to never see nor speak with him again, and she believes that Fili and Kili would support her in that completely. The truth is, however, that she has questions. Her mother is no longer alive to answer them, no longer alive to confront about this piece of information which could have made all the difference to Billana's childhood had it only been _known_. Without her mother, Pallando is the only other one who might be able to tell her what happened, _why_ she was even conceived.

"Do you think I should?" She asks, wavering now that the moment to decide what she wants is upon her.

"I think he's the only one who might be able to give you the answers you've looked for," Fili replies, unknowingly echoing her thoughts.

"Will you stay with me?" Billana asks.

"If you want," Kili replies, "I'm sure if we sent for him Balin would come to, and Nori if you want her here."

"I think I want the whole Company here," she whispers. "If they can come."

"They'll come," Fili promises. "Let me tell Dwalin."

He slips from his cot, and the fact that the three of them had spent the night in separate beds had been a hard necessity to accept, going to the opening of their little tent. He moves slowly, likely aching as much as Billana after the exertions of the day before, and he pauses at the entry to glance at her. She nods as Kili slips from his cot and comes to join her on hers, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and tugging her against him as Fili speaks quietly to Dwalin.

"She wants us all here," she hears him say, "send someone to round the others up and join us inside."

"This is not the sort of tale that needs to be told before an audience," Pallando objects as he enters with Alatar, followed closely by Dwalin who regards the wizards with some distaste. "It is a matter for family."

"They _are_ my family," Billana replies.

"What would your mother say to that?" Pallando asks her.

"She's been dead for nearly five years," Billana shrugs, "I doubt she has any opinion on the matter at all." She sees the wizard go pale before sitting heavily in a nearby chair.

"How?" He asks.

"A hard winter," Billana whispers, "and a pointless need to try and prove herself to my grandfather and her siblings." It hadn't been until she had told the dwarves about the Fell Winter that she realised her mother must have died trying to make up for the pain Billana's birth had caused her family.

"So she never told you anything about me," he mumbles, the others already beginning to file into the tent, taking in the two blue wizards with curious expressions and the protective way that Fili and Kili are sat on either side of her as Dwalin stands behind them with his hands crossed meaningfully on his axe.

"Nothing," Billana confirms. "But you seemed to know that _I_ existed."

"I did," he nods, taking in the thirteen dwarves who are all standing or sitting around the small tent.

They are all still covered in the grime of battle, Billana can distantly hear orders being shouted as others take care of the seeming endless task of checking for enemy survivors and injured allies while the healers work on those who have survived the night. Every member of the Company sports some injury or another, Bifur's head gapes in an alarming fashion where the axe head that had been lodged there has been lost. Billana is surprised that he is even awake, let alone aware enough to have walked here from the healers tent, but she can only assume that a great deal of some healers gift has been applied to the spot and she recalls the silver grey sparkle that once covered the area, though she had only seen it in the Shire. Perhaps there is more to Bifur than she had first assumed. She, Fili and Kili were lucky to get away with shallow cuts and strained muscles, although Fili's head injury had caused some small concern. Thorin, the idiot, had been hiding a nasty break to one arm, likely due to the heat of battle and his grief at the assumption he had lost his heir, while Dwalin seems to have lost _more_ of his ragged ear. Balin favours his left foot, and Ori has a heavy bandage over one eye, though whether he has lost it or not Billana couldn't say. Nori wears a sling and splint, already grumbling and fiddling about with it while Dori clips her about the ear with his other hand pressed to his ribs. Gloin and Oin are both bandaged about their arms, although the old healer has noticeably fewer injuries. Billana cannot see what injuries Bombur has but he enters slowly and groans when he sits. Bofur sports two black eyes, but perhaps the most distressing thing is that his hat is missing. All in all, however, Billana thinks that they are lucky to have all made it through the battle alive, she never would have imagined that they would manage to survive with so little damage done.

"So, perhaps," Fili says when Billana's voice fails her, "you would like to explain why you _abandoned_ her to mistreatment she suffered at the hands of _most_ of the inhabitants of that Mahal forsaken place her mother called home."

"It was not by design," Pallando sighs, "I had always meant to find your mother and claim you as my own. In the event that I didn't manage to come, however, I asked her to promise me that she would not tell you my identity and nature until you were of age, Billana, in order to ensure that you did not make any foolish attempts to track me down as a child should I find myself unable to return to her."

"Gandalf knew," Billana accuses.

"We recognise the offspring of our own," Alatar tells her, "but we would also have been bound by the same vow as your mother. As she had been a guest in his house Lord Elrond would have known of Pallando's indiscretion as well, and been equally tied. Such oaths are not lightly made."

"Before I met your mother, I had never encountered a hobbit," Pallando continues with a glare at his friend. "I was unaware of even your existence. By some design I had been drawn west from the eastern exile my friend and I had been sent into. I had thought, perhaps, that it was some distant whisper from Manwë, now I wonder if it wasn't from a higher power still. Regardless, I had been drawn west to Rivendell when winter moved in and I sought shelter in the famed home of Lord Elrond. There I met your mother, who seemed, at first, to be a child. Upon learning the truth of her, however, I found myself overwhelmed with curiosity about her people. Winter had settled in, whatever longing had drawn me west had seemed to become dormant, and Belladonna and I spent many an hour discussing the customs and beliefs of your people and of those I had encountered in the east. Your mother longed to travel, but her duty as a healer to your people bound her fate to the Shire.

"It was the midwinter festival," he takes a breath. "There had been an attraction growing between us which we had both been doing our best to ignore. For her part I think it had to do with the expectations of her father, for mine- I had already disobeyed the edict against Maia born children once, to do so a second time would have been the height of foolishness."

"Obviously something changed," Kili prompts.

"I was getting to it," Pallando sniffs. "As I was saying, it was the midwinter festival, and as much as I had tried to resist the draw I felt towards your mother the lightness of the celebration and her appearance that night-"

"Not to mention the wine," Alatar mutters.

"Her appearance," Pallando repeats, "undid my resolution and from that night until the arrival of spring we were rarely apart." Her doesn't need to say more, the implication is clear enough. "She told me she was with child a week before I departed the valley, and I left only because Alatar had tracked me down. I swore to your mother that I would return for her."

"And you never did," Billana whispers.

"The fault was not his," Alatar tells her. "Pallando did not tell me of your existence until nearly three years after we had left Rivendell. We determined that it would be best that Saruman not get wind of this second indiscretion. _I_ was the one who went to Rivendell to retrieve you and your mother, Billana, but when I arrived she had long departed for the Shire, leaving only two letters for my friend; one written upon her departure and the other sent from the Shire some time later."

"The first stated only that she had been summoned home by her father due to the failing health of the healer she was to replace," Pallando pulls two pieces of paper from the pouch on his belt. Both are worn and creased, the folds soft with age, and he hands them to her carefully. Billana opens them with shaking hands, able to see how often they have been handled over the years. The first is exactly as he had told her, a brief note telling Pallando that Belladonna had been summoned home and asking him to come to Tuckborough in search of her. The second, however, makes Billana's heart drop.

"Read it," she says to Fili, turning her face into Kili's chest and letting tears fall down her cheeks.

Fili accepts the paper and she can hear the hesitation in his voice as he begins to read.

"Pallando," he reads, "I waited for as long as my father would permit. I can only assume that you have forgotten me and my child. Be assured that I will not send anyone to seek you out, it would be pointless in any case. My father has found me a husband and I am now bound to the Shire until either _I_ pass, or he does. My oath to you stands, your identity as Billana's sire will be kept from her until she is of age. If something happens to me before then, as it often does to my kind, my father has a letter for her in the safe with everything that she needs to know within it. I wish you could have remembered us. I wish you could have come sooner, but as wishes are as much use as an umbrella of spun sugar I shall refrain from further."

"I felt she should hear her mother's own words," she hears Pallando say as she weeps. "I know that they will be of little comfort."

"They are of no comfort," Kili's arms are tight around her. "And no matter her mother's wishes you should have come for her."

"I visited, only once, and called upon her home while her mother was from the house. Billana couldn't have been older than four. She was quiet, but well fed and looked after. I saw nothing to concern me and gave no indication that I was anything other than an old acquaintance from Rivendell looking for a balm her mother once made. Bungo, I believe his name was, provided me with the salve and that was the end of it. I heard some mutters, but I had heard similar of mothers who bore children under the same circumstances in the towns of Men and come across no signs of true malice towards the little ones themselves. I assumed she was safe and loved."

"She wasn't," Balin tells him.

"So it would seem," Pallando sighs, "and I am perhaps more to blame for that than her mother. I have spent many years wondering what would have changed had I only been open with my friend, and yet something stayed my tongue as surely as it had drawn me to Rivendell and to Belladonna Took."

"Fate?" Kili snaps mockingly.

"I have no idea," Pallando replies, "it may have been fate, it may have been my own cowardice. Either way, I have told my side of things. I wish I had longer to stay and come to know my daughter," he continues, "however, Manwë's parting orders to me were very clear. I am to be in the Grey Havens as soon as possible. I have only today before he sends his eagles to ensure that I am on my way. I would _like_ to get to know Billana at least a little before I leave, but I understand if she does not feel the same."

Billana has no idea how to answer that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just beastly to get written and out. Mostly because the never ending list of things to do and achieve seems to be getting longer. Lucky me. Anyway, turns out everyone except the Company (not you Thorin) is a total knob and deserves everything they get.


	70. A Time for Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is uproar among the dwarves immediately following Pallando's final statement.

There is uproar among the dwarves immediately following Pallando's final statement. Some seem enraged that Pallando effectively abandoned Billana and her mother, others are upset about his apparent cowardice in holding his tongue for so many years and for leaving in the first place. The rest are simply upset that he checked up on her _once_ in all the years of her life and never bothered to look in on her again, let alone that he never even bothered to _try_ to see her mother. The noise and outcry would once have made her nervous, it would once have had her questioning whether she should have said or done something differently to make sure that it didn't happen. Now, however, it is a comfort. It is the sound of family. _Her_ family and she cannot help but smile even as the wizard who sired her stares around him in consternation and with more than a touch of fear. A vicious part of Billana, the little part of her which has always resented the fact that her mother would never reveal her sire's identity and blamed Belladonna for bringing her into the world, is pleased to see that he is intimidated by thirteen irate dwarves. Especially as all of them are in a state of some level of exhaustion and injured in some way. Despite her earlier tears, the whole situation strikes her as amusing and she cannot stop the giggles which bubble out at the sight of one of this powerful creature cowering in front of the enraged Company.

They fall silent gradually as they notice her reaction, staring at her in obvious concern and she wonders, for a moment, if perhaps they fear she has been driven mad by the battle and this final revelation. She doesn't feel as though she has lost her mind, although she supposes that Thorin must have thought himself completely sane as Smaug's spell drove him further and further away from being the uncle that Fili and Kili both adore so much.

"I'm alright," she gasps, "really. This is just utterly ridiculous." She stops giggling. "We all knew that he had left my mother and I, now we know why. Is threatening him really going to make any difference to what's already passed?"

"Thank you," Pallando mutters.

"Oh, that doesn't mean that I forgive you," Billana replies, her voice taking on a cold note. "A lot of bad things happened to me because you weren't brave enough to try and convince my mother to leave Bungo. And as much as I know that my father and husbands will probably object to this, I think I _would_ like to spend a little bit of time with you before you leave. As long as you realise there won't be all that many happy stories for me to tell you."

She is right, of course, Balin, Fili and Kili all try to talk her out of it, although more for her own peace of mind than anything else. Billana is adamant, however, and they subside quickly when her stomach once again makes it known that it has been some time since she has last eaten. Rather than argue further Balin leave to fetch some food for her to share with her husbands, herding the rest of the Company out as he goes until only Alatar, Pallando, Billana, Fili and Kili are left.

The conversation is stilted and difficult. For all Billana had told the wizard that she had few happy stories to share with him, she doesn't want to open up the scars that have developed over the wounds of her childhood. She certainly doesn't want to relieve some of the more painful aspects of her youth that she hasn't yet been able to share with even Fili and Kili yet. So she asks her sire questions about the east as they all take a meal together and by the end of it she doesn't feel like she knows him any better than she did when she first met him.

The most perplexing part is that she realises that she doesn't _want_ to either.

She isn't sure what it was about Pallando that drew her mother to him, she only knows that had she met him with no idea at all of who he really was to her, she would find him interesting enough as an acquaintance but nothing more. For someone who had dreamed of meeting her sire and finding all of the pieces of herself that had been missing without him it is somewhat sobering. On the other hand, however, she is beginning to realise that those empty places in her life have been filled over the past several months without her even realising it. Balin has become a father to her in all the ways that matter, he worries for her and cares for her. He has defended her and guided her when she has needed it and watched over her without the judgement of many hobbit parents. Nori has taken on the role of aunt in more ways than one, though she has also stood in the role of mother when Billana might have needed one. She even has uncles now in the form of Dwalin and Thorin, even if she is rather more enamoured of the former than she is of the latter. She has friends who listen to her and care for her. Above all of that, however, she has her husbands, who know her for who she is and know that she has dark things in her past that she cannot talk about, and they accept her for it with a love and patience far greater than she could have imagined she might ever find or deserve.

"I can see that you have made the right choice, child," Pallando says to her when they part later that afternoon. "Your husbands clearly adore you, your father and your dwarves respect you. You would not be happy in Valinor. That, at least, is one thing that we have in common. Health and happiness in your future, Billana, you deserve it."

He bows to her before he leaves, glancing once at Fili and Kili before striding out of the tent. With him seems to go years of questions and worrying and wondering. She is sure that later on she will think of other things that she should have asked, other things that she wants to know, but for now she is content. Whatever questions come later she will live with as surely as she lived with the ones she has had all of her life.

"Are you alright, Kitten?" Fili asks when they are alone.

"Oddly enough, I am," she replies. "Relieved more than anything. At least I know who he is now, and it isn't as important as I thought it would be."

Fili looks at her sceptically, and maybe he is right to be. Perhaps in a few days Billana will look on this moment and mourn that she will never come to know her father more. Perhaps the enormity of what she has given up and what she nearly lost will sink in and she will break down then. For the moment, however, she is simply relieved that it is over. She has the answer that she has spent most of her life longing for, she has met the one who sired her and heard him answer to his abandonment. She _does_ resent him for it, but she always has and she doesn't think that will change simply because she knows his name and that he is of the Istari. Resentment of her mother, new and bitter, prickles at her too. The idea that Belladonna had forbidden Pallando from even attempting to come and recover her is a tough piece of information to digest. She doesn't say any of this, just leans into Fili's arms with an exhausted sigh.

Unfortunately, their day isn't over yet. There are other questions that need to be answered and, while things are not completely settled and they still need to make their way into the mountain, there are certain answers that she _knows_ that the Company will want to hear. Especially Thorin.

"He's gone, then?" Balin asks when he returns with the rest of the Company and a steaming cauldron of what must be their evening meal. Billana nods. "Can't say I'm sorry for it, nathith, but I know he wasn't what you hoped."

"Honestly," Billana mutters, "I don't know what I hoped he would be like anymore. Better than Bungo, I suppose."

"That was hardly a challenge," Kili mutters, "and somehow he failed to meet even _that_." Balin hums.

"Well, as that's over and done with," Thorin says, his tone brusque though Billana suspects that he doesn't mean to sound quite as insensitive as he does, "there are other matters that we need to discuss."

"Aye," Dwalin agrees, "I think we'd all like to know where you learnt the kind of magic that allowed you to cheat death, lad." He glares pointedly at Fili and her husband shifts uncomfortably.

"We learnt it in Rivendell," Fili answers after a beat. "We found some books that instructed in the creation of simulacra, among other things, realistic enough to divert that attention of an enemy for a time."

"You mean all that time you two spent in the library you were _actually_ studying?" Bofur exclaims. Nori grins at him, the expression wolf-like. "Oh, as though you need the gold!" He hisses.

"A wager is a wager," Nori waggles her fingers at him and Bofur huffs.

"I'll give it you once we're back in the mountain," he grumbles and Nori fixes him with a glare. "You know I'm good for it." The 'dam laughs cheerfully, but her face goes serious again when she looks at Fili and Kili.

"If you only learnt how to do that in Rivendell, how did you know it would work?" She demands. "Dwalin told me what he saw, and how real it all seemed." Her voice is hard, her upset clear. "Didn't it occur to any of you to _tell_ us what you were doing?"

"Don't look at me," Billana replies. "I didn't know what they planned to do with them either. I'd forgotten they'd made them to begin with."

"You didn't even tell your _wife_?" Thorin snarls. "Little wonder, then, that she reacted as she did."

"How did she react?" Kili asks.

"Every animal on the field went insane," Dori tells him, "they turned upon the orcs and tore them apart. Even the wargs and bats were affected. I've never seen anything like it, and I never want to again either."

"I thought Fili was dead," Billana whispers. "I may have lost my temper." Gloin snorts.

"Lost her temper, she says," he mutters, "never been more terrified in my life than when that warg broke free of its master. Thought it was going to tear me apart for sure. Almost pitied the vile sods it actually went after."

"Someone had better tell Dain before he decides to have the rams culled as crazed," Ori says, "he was talking to one of his war masters about it earlier."

"I'll see to it," Thorin promises, obviously noticing the distress on Billana's face, "and I suppose I should probably tell _Thranduil_ not to cull his horses either," he adds, "the better to get him off our doorstep all the faster."

"We owe him those Starlight gems too," Fili says after a beat.

"Indeed?" Thorin raises an eyebrow. "And just how much of our treasure did you give away while I was incapacitated?"

"Only the gems," Fili insists, "and I promised the Master of the lake folk that we would honour the contract as originally drawn up, even though his additions voided the entire deal."

"Are you really going to do that after what he tried to do?" Kili demands. "He tried to have Billana taken."

"The twins were there, Kili," Billana reminds him, "and I can take care of myself. Putting the Men aside, though, we _do_ owe Thranduil _something_ for the fact that you burnt half of Mirkwood down when you dumped Smaug's head there."

"I suppose you learnt _that_ spell in Rivendell too?" Thorin prompts. "And I suspect that no one else bothered to ask."

"The elves call it a word of power," Kili shrugs. "I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do it, there aren't many who are even among the elves."

Thorin puts his head in his hands.

"No one tell their mother," he groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many little things left to still tie up. I'm looking at my notes for this monstrosity and wondering how I ever thought I would get this done in a little over 40 chapters. 
> 
> Also, good vibes needed, the eldest wants me to crochet her a Fluttershy. I am NOT a fan of amigurumi.


	71. In the Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had seen an innocent four year old and he hadn't wanted her.

If Billana had hoped for some semblance of normalcy to come into her life now that the mountain is won and the invading armies defeated, she is quick to realise how wrong she had been to do so. The dwarves move back into Erebor rapidly, and Billana welcomes her return to the now familiar rooms that will be the place where she hopes to one day raise a family. What she had not reckoned on was the Iron Hills dwarves remaining in Erebor for the winter to help prepare for the arrival of the caravans from Ered Luin. Even some of the displaced Ereborean families living in the Iron Hills will be returning in the coming months and while Billana is accustomed to the Company, she is less used to _other_ dwarves. Most, once they see her marriage, family and Khazad bâhâl braids treat her with respect at least. Others are friendly, but there are those who sneer at the braids that have come to hold far more meaning to her than she could ever have imagined a simple hairstyle could and that makes her more wary than she would wish to admit. The others, when they see it, are quick to challenge the behaviour, though those that sneer are few and far between, and her name moves quickly around the mountain with an accounting of all the things that she has done on the quest. She isn't sure if she prefers the sneers, which are familiar, or the cheerful interest that comes as a result of her story. In some ways she thinks she would rather remain out of sight, but she also knows that would have been impossible, no matter her deeds.

Her duties keep her too busy to worry on the matter, and with them comes the necessary introductions to the other high ranking dwarves who took part in the battle. She enjoys meeting Dain, although she is wary of him at first, and he greets her as a member of the family and cherished friend, although he warns Thorin to guard his jewels well when he tells Dis that she missed the wedding. Thorin's cousin is louder and more brash than most of the Company, but he at least says what is on his mind rather than dancing around the topic as the Men and Thranduil seem more inclined to do. Thranduil is, fortunately, relatively easy to deal with once Thorin decides that Fili and Billana are better suited to the task of making peace with the elf king than he is. It means that Dain is kept well away, and given the dwarf lord's greeting to Thranduil had him calling the elf a "poncy knife-eared fairy" Billana thinks that they are better off without his help. Even if she happens to agree with him. Thranduil is- well, the kindest thing that Billana can say about him is that he is difficult. Elves, like dwarves, are slow to change and while she hasn't met a vast number of elves, Billana has to wonder whether Thranduil isn't the most difficult of them. The welcome news he brings them, however, makes dealing with him a little bit more palatable. The Master, it would seem, attempted to escape his bonds during the battle and instead of finding freedom, found the end of an orcish sword. Not even Billana's gentle heart can find any sympathy for the Man who would have taken her prisoner and used her to blackmail her family. She _does,_ however, find some sympathy for Bard, who has been elected leader of the Men now that Dale and Girion's throne can be reclaimed. This is a Man who is as uncomfortable as the subject of attention as she is.

Inevitably, however, once the exhaustion of battle, caring for the wounded and the early efforts to make the mountain habitable enough for winter have passed, the events of the battle and all that came after catch up with her.

It starts with nightmares. She wakes, or is woken, frequently in the night to the sight of her husband's concerned faces, dragged from nightmares of their deaths and of the great dark figure of Sauron as he reached for her past Gandalf. She dreams of being dragged to Valinor, of being denied those she loves, and those cause her wake sobbing and gasping for air as they try to comfort her and assure her that she is not as alone as she fears that she will become. She has Fili and Kili, they remind her every day that they are alive and well. They assure her that they love her and they all have a future together and she clings to that thought on the evenings where some matter or another has kept them late. She holds it tight when she comes across Kili being propositioned by a dwarf from the Iron Hills, her husband's marriage braid tied back from his face while he works and the bead lost in the mass of hair. She sighs with relief when Kili angrily rebuffs the advance, when the dwarf backs away with a haughty sniff as Kili declares that he is married. She reminds herself of it when she lets herself wonder if perhaps Fili and Kili may come to regret their haste in tying themselves to her when she is no dwarrowdam and cannot compare in skill of craft and battle prowess.

The worst part of it, however, isn't the memories of the battle, for though they are terrible and they haunt her she knows that her family are willing to help her through it in their own ways. She knows that they are all suffering, in one way or another, with their memories and strangely it is the act of talking about the battle and reliving what happened in the waking world with her husbands holding her close that helps the most. She would think that it would make it worse to look at the things that she went through and explain to those who did not have her experiences what it was like and the fears that filled her. She _does_ have more nightmares to start, but Balin assures her that they will fade and become less frequent. She trusts him to know what he is talking about. Besides, even if she wasn't certain of her father, she trusts Fili who assures her that all dwarf healers have to train in the effects that battles can have on the mind and how to help those worst affected. Dwarves are hardy, in spirit, mind and body, but even they can feel the results of something as large and terrifying as what becomes known as the Battle of the Five Armies.

The worst part, it turns out, is the realisation that her sire didn't want her. She had assumed as a child, and even up until the point of meeting him, that he simply did not know that she existed. She had even asked her mother, once she was old enough, whether her sire had forced himself upon her. It was a question that Belladonna had been quick to answer in the negative, with assurances that she had welcomed the attentions. Billana had never been certain what to make of that. Meeting Pallando changes all of that. Even though it takes weeks before her mind is quiet enough for her to think on anything other than the horrors of the battle and the terror that came after, eventually Billana gets a quiet afternoon to herself, in the suite of chambers she is beginning to call home, where she realises several things:

The first; Pallando knew that she existed.

The second; that he not only knew of her birth, he knew where to find her.

The third; he had visited and hadn't cared enough about her or her mother to even _attempt_ to change Belladonna's mind about not leaving the Shire. Billana knows that Belladonna would have considered it if Pallando had made the offer. She knows it because one of her earliest memories is of Bungo telling her mother that marrying her and taking in her child had been a greater mistake than he had thought it would be. She knows because the only thing that kept Bungo from casting Belladonna from the smial and claiming a divorce, though they are uncommon, was the fact that he would have had to repay every copper of the money her grandfather gave him to convince him to marry her mother.

The realisation that Pallando simply _did not care_ hits her hard, far harder than she had ever imagined it would. She has lived thirty-three years without the love of her sire, thirty-three years where she has been treated as a leper simply for existing. She had imagined so many times that her sire would arrive and claim her mother, would defend her from the cruel words and harsh treatments of so many of the other hobbits. She had imagined his delight at the discovery that he had a daughter and his insistence that she and her mother leave with him. Billana had always told herself that it was a childish dream, an empty fantasy that would never come to pass, and yet she had clung to it all the same when winter set in and Bungo was particularly harsh on her, or when the younger hobbits of the Shire had followed the lead of those elder hobbits who were particularly cruel to her mother and had been just as vicious to her. It isn't just the confirmation of the foolishness of her childhood dream that strikes her, though. It is the fact that Pallando had _rejected_ her and, whether he believes that is what he did or not, his refusal to even attempt to take her from the Shire is rejection enough.

He had seen an innocent four year old and he hadn't wanted her.

Balin is the one who finds her as she sobs, curled on the floor of what will be the living room of her new home. She clings to her father as he soothes her, holds him tight as he far speaks her husbands to summon them to her side. The reaction is foolish and irrational, she has spend her whole life unwanted and rejected by others. The fact that Pallando didn't want her shouldn't cut into her as deeply as it does. She has lived her life without his care and love, she didn't want it when she had the opportunity to spend time with him. She doesn't understand why it hurts so much to realise _now_ that he was of the same opinion all those years ago. He didn't want her, he didn't want to know her, wanted her in his life as little as she now wants him in hers.

"Why does it hurt?" She whispers. "Why does it hurt that he didn't want me?"

Balin lets out a soft noise.

"All rejection hurts," he tells her, "no matter how prepared we think we are to hear it. Every child wants the love of their parents." That cuts too because she adores Balin, he has been a better father to her in the short months that she has known him than in all the years she spent in Bungo's care.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

"For what?" He asks. "For wanting the love and care of the one who sired you?" She nods against him. "I think we both know that there is more space for love in your heart than there are people to fill it, nathith." His arms tighten. "And I thank Mahal for that every day."

"Balin?" Kili's voice reaches her.

"It's alright, lad," Balin assures him. "Things are catching up to her is all. Best that she not be on her own for a while though, I think." He groans as he stands, encouraging Kili to take her into his arms and help her to the low sofa in front of the fire.

"Fili's stuck with Thorin," Kili tells him as he runs his fingers through her hair, both of her husbands know that she takes comfort in it.

"I'll do what I can to liberate him," Balin assures him, stretching. "We could all use a break really," he adds, "the quicker the caravans start arriving the better."

Kili makes a noise of agreement but Billana can already feel exhaustion tugging at her. She is asleep before Fili arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if everyone was able to move forward unaffected by their experiences. I wanted it all to be fine. My brain said no. There is happy coming, I promise!!! I have a few more things that I need to get into and through before I can do the epilogue.


	72. A Time of Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My grandfather is dying.

By the time that the worst of winter has passed, Billana has become accustomed to the Iron Hills dwarves. They are, by and large, a jovial and welcoming bunch and the few who are not learn very quickly that any negative attitude towards her is not tolerated. Her nightmares grow less frequent, the old woulds reopened by meeting Pallando close, and Billana begins to turn herself towards planning the renovations to the garden that all of the royal apartments open on to. Fili and Kili, naturally, are more focused on the work that needs to happen _inside_ their apartments, furniture and soft furnishings that need replacing, decorations that need to be updated, the allocation of space in a way that will work best for the three of them when it comes down to their craft and day to day lives. Billana is surprised to learn that she will eventually need to interview and select several **ruthukhînh** , hand maidens. She doesn't see the point in having such a person, or group of them, in her life. That said she has never had much more in the way of friends than the twins, her animals and, later, the Company. She is perfectly happy with the way that her husbands style her hair and with the clothes that Dori has begun to carefully create for her in the little free time he has when not assisting with the renovations. She doesn't need someone to advise her on the latest styles of court, to keep her company or protect her. She is long accustomed to her own company, her own space and taking care of herself.

Honestly, she wouldn't know where to start.

"Amad will help you," Kili assures her one evening when she vents about the fact that Balin has mentioned the need for her to do this _again_. "She had to gather her own group, and it wasn't any easier for her really, not with having spent so many years travelling before we made it to Belegost."

"I'm not sure that your mother is even going to like me," she replies.

"She'll adore you," Fili assures her. "And she'll be very happy to help you find as many **ruthukhînh** as you think you might need."

"I don't think I need any," Billana grumbles.

"And if we were in Ered Luin I would probably agree," Fili nods, "but Erebor is different, different standards are expected of us."

"So you're saying that you're worried I'll embarrass you?" She hisses. "The silly little hobbit bastard who doesn't know how to act!"

"Don't put such nonsense into my mouth, Kitten," Fili replies, his tone firm even though he uses the sobriquet that she loves to hear from him. "I would _never_ think you embarrassing. You know that. Kili and I aren't going to have any easier a time of it, either."

"He's right, Kundith," Kili tells her, flopping back into his seat and glaring at the fire. "We both need to find **murkhûn** and we can't choose each other."

"Why?" Billana asks with a tilt of her head. She recognises the word, has heard Thorin use it to refer to Dwalin on more than one occasion.

"Because whoever we choose has to be able to accompany us wherever we go. There will be times when my duties and Kili's are incompatible with the roles," Fili huffs, "so we have to choose someone else."

"I'm choosing Gimli," Kili declares, "I can see Gloin's face now," he adds with no small measure of glee.

"You can't choose Gimli," Fili shakes his head. "He isn't even of age."

"He will be by the time he gets here," Kili objects. "You're just saying that because _you_ want him."

"I am older," the golden mage replies, scratching lightly at his chest.

Billana watches them as they argue back and forth over the relative merits of friends who could serve in the position of shield-brother should either of her husbands ever go into battle again. Billana's **ruthukhînh** would serve a similar role for her, except where that might be practical for a dwarf warrior or mage, for one who would likely spend the battle in the form of one animal or another it is an impractical thing. It is also a thought that she puts to one side in favour of admiring the play of muscles in her husbands' chests and shoulders as they gesticulate in the course of their debate. She had once accused them of being allergic to the idea of wearing clothes. In the privacy of their own apartments she is beginning to think there might be more truth to that than she had assumed. Neither of them are wearing shirts, although it is still cool inside the mountain for her tastes, but this no longer makes her nervous as it once did. Tonight she finds herself looking more closely at the marks they carry, the scars and inkings that have slowly begun to mark their skin. All three of them, in fact, carry a new ink that shows them to have been members of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, a stylised image of the mountain overlain with a rune that she has been told represents Thorin's name. It is on the right forearm of every member of the Company and hers rests just beneath the mark which shows her to be **Khazad bâhâl**. Ori had finally been given the opportunity to show his skill at the task, and even Dwalin had been impressed with it. For her part, Billana had found the slow process of needle and ink preferable to the searing pain of having the ink placed there through magic. All the same she would not change hers for all the world.

For Fili and Kili this had not been the first such mark to be made on their skin, although she had ignored the inkings they wore in much the same way that she had ignored those which cover so much of Dwalin's skin. The meaning of some are obvious, the raven on the right side of Kili's chest is more than just an affectation. Inkings must be earnt, she was taught, but she suspects that there will be those who will create them for the right price whether they have been earnt or not. Fili also has a mark in the same place, though where Kili's is almost lost beneath his dark chest hair Fili's is more stark beneath the dark gold that coats his chest. A healer's mark, though he rarely wears the braids that match it, and an indicator of a mastery of the craft at a young age. Both have the runes for swordsmanship on their wrist, though Fili bears it on both and Kili on only one. Kili also carries the mark of the archer on his arm. Both have the names of their fathers over their hearts, Fili's are made over an old scar that had chilled Billana's blood the first time that she had spotted it, although he had assured her it was the result of foolishness with their gift on his and Kili's part rather than an attempt to kill him.

The idea of marking such important things into one's skin with ink appeals to her, although she has been assured that she need not adhere to any of the customs that her husbands' people observe. To have such a permanent record of the things she has accomplished and those who are of importance to her would be a fine thing. Such a record is something that not even the harsh words of Camellia Sackville-Baggins and the others like her could take away. She is already quietly working on a design with Ori for a mark which would show her marriage to Fili and Kili, one which would incorporate their runes and the ancient hobbit symbols for hers. The ancient hobbit tongue and language is rarely used outside of ceremonies, Billana's familiarity with it comes from long winters alone with little more than books and animals for company. Both she and Kili have declared that they would like something a little more permanent to show their bonds with each other. Both are acutely aware of the fact that their abilities make them ideal for jobs that few others would be able to take on, and that precious things are lost when shapeshifting happens in an emergency. Fili rarely denies either of them anything, and has welcomed the mark which would be small enough to be etched upon their left ring finger in place of the engraved rings that hobbits exchange.

"Billana?" She blinks, looking at Fili who is smirking at her. "Were you listening to us?"

"You'd have more luck getting me to listen to if you actually bothered with clothes," she replies, archly.

"Now, why would we do that?" Kili responds, scooping her into his arms and carrying her from the room. Fili follows quickly and the discussion is set aside until morning.

That does not mean that the discussion is at an end, and although Billana eventually comes around to the idea as a customary part of her new station in life she continues to dislike the necessity for it. Fili and Kili are equally as unimpressed at the decision which they will have to make, but until the caravans from Ered Luin begin to arrive there is little they can do to move it forwards in any event. Their frequent debates about the matter, however, are punctuated by something else; concern. The raven that they sent to Ered Luin before the battle has yet to return and even though they know that winter has been long and hard, it is still something which causes them to wonder if the bird ever made it there at all.

That question is finally answered by the return of the raven as the weather eases, having been unable to leave Ered Luin due to a harsh winter storm and being prevented from crossing the Misty Mountains by a later one. He carries a message for Billana as well as for Fili and Kili. Hers is delivered silently and makes dread coil in her.

- _You are certain that is what she said?-_ Billanas as Kili accepts the parchment offered by the raven while Fili finds some scraps of fresh meat to feed him.

- _Indeed_ _, flock sister-_ the bird replies - _Her words were that your flock sire had little time left before leaving the sky. She wished your return so that he might see you are well for himself before he passes-_

_-Thank you. Now return to your flock, I'm sure you have longed for them while you've been away-_

The raven croaks, accepts his meal, and takes to the air. Billana turns nervously, not sure how to tell Fili and Kili that she needs to return to the Shire when both have made it abundantly clear that neither thinks she should ever go near the place again.

"You were never any good at deciphering Amad's scrawls," Fili tells his brother impatiently, "you must have read it wrong, give it here."

"I'm telling you that she's refusing to come," Kili snaps, handing the parchment over anyway.

"She wouldn't," Fili hisses, "she gave us her word, it was the only reason we agreed to support Uncle in this in the first place. Staying there isn't good for her."

"Our fathers' stone is there," Kili replies. "She can't bring them with her." Fili grunts, scowling at the parchment. "We'll both have to go and get her, you know she won't come if only one of does it."

"We can't leave Billana here on her own for a year, Kili," Fili mutters.

"Of course not," Kili rolls his eyes. "We'll ask her to come with us."

"I'm right here," Billana reminds them, twisting her fingers in her tunic, "and as it happens I need to go that way anyway. My grandfather is dying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had aimed to accomplish so much more in this chapter. I got derailed, I do that a lot.


	73. Deptartures Discussed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What do you mean 'not coming'?" Thorin demands.

"What do you mean 'not coming'?" Thorin demands as soon as the three of him are able to catch him alone.

Getting hold of Thorin when he isn't surrounded by others is difficult, even though the mountain only holds the several hundred that Dain brought with him from the Iron Hills there is always someone who wants something of the King of Durin's Folk. Some question that needs to be answered, some decision that needs to be made or an extra pair of hands that is needed. With so few of them in the mountain everyone is expected to help in the renovation efforts and that includes the king.

"Read it yourself," Fili hands him the letter. Billana watches as Thorin's scowl deepens.

"Of all the ridiculous, stone-brained-" he hisses. "I told Balin we should have brought her with us."

"Someone needed to stay and organise the caravans," Kili points out.

"A pretty excuse now," the king mutters. "I suppose you three want to go and get her?"

"Is it that obvious?" Kili asks, and Thorin arches an eyebrow. "Yes, we want to go and get her."

"It'll probably be another year or more until you're back," Thorin reminds them, "it isn't a short trip. In truth I would rather you stay here, I need all the hands that we can get to work on the mountain."

"You know we can't leave Amad there alone, Uncle," Fili objects. "And we have another reason to go that way."

"I need to see my grandfather," Billana says, "if he's still alive. There are a couple of sentimental things that I would like to get from my smial too, provided the others haven't emptied it already."

Billana, Fili and Kili had argued about this while they waited for Thorin, neither of her husbands think it's a good idea for her to so much as enter the Shire's borders, let alone see her family. Billana, however, has mixed feelings on the matter. While she never wants to see or hear about certain hobbits again, she _did_ leave some small items there which, at the time of her departure, hadn't seemed to hold any real meaning for her. Now, however, she would like to have the portrait of her mother done by her Aunt Donnamira as a gift for Belladonna. She would like something of her mother in her new home, though whether that is as a reminder of her mother's love or to not make the same mistakes Billana isn't sure. She would also like to share a traditional hobbit wedding night with her husbands in the same way that they have done so much of their courting the dwarf way. While she is certain that her marriage to the both of them will very likely never be recognised as valid in the Shire, she would like to observe that small piece of her own traditions for herself. She would like for them to come to her in a bed surrounded by the flowers that symbolise blessings upon their union. She would like to wear, just once, the dress that her mother had insisted she make for a future wedding day even though Billana had resisted the idea until Belladonna's death. That dress, made in memory of her mother and then packed carefully away with curses on foolish hopes and dreams, still sits wrapped in tissue in the bottom of an old blanket box in her bedroom.

It is the only other thing she owns that she would like to take from the Shire if it hasn't already been taken and destroyed.

"What does Balin say about all of you going?" Thorin sighs.

"We haven't spoken to him yet," Fili shrugs.

"I doubt any of the others will wish to travel again so soon," Thorin mutters, beginning to walk as the three of them follow, "but you may as well bring the matter up at dinner and see if any of them will. I would feel better if you were to take members of the Company with you."

"The twins are still in Dale," Billana adds, "I'm sure if we asked them they would be willing to see us through Mirkwood and at least as far as Rivendell."

The twins have remained close enough to see Billana as regularly as they can be spared. They should have returned to Mirkwood with Thranduil when the basics of the new treaty between the Woodland Elves and Erebor had been hammered out, but they had felt that their healing skills, while not on a par with those of their father, would be better suited to the injured and vulnerable of the Lake. There had been no objection by Thranduil, indeed he had seemed almost relieved to have the pair of them out of his hair, and Bard had welcomed them readily enough, still adjusting to quite suddenly being in a position of power. At the moment he is in Dale with the injured, the bridge into Laketown still being in some disrepair after the remaining inhabitants pulled it down in an effort to keep the invading orc army out. For Bard and his people the debate over the winter has been whether they should rebuild the ruined town in full, or in part, to facilitate an easy and lucrative trade with Erebor, or whether the focus should be on Laketown. It isn't a decision that Billana envies him and she knows that the twins have helped, in their own way, as Bard has settled into his new role.

"Much as I hate to say it," Kili grumbles, "they wouldn't be the worst choice. That orc would have killed me long before Fili and Billana found me if not for them."

Not that Billana thinks for a moment that peace has been made between her friends and her husbands. Distrust, however, has given way to a grudging respect over the course of winter and that is probably the best that she can hope for in. A journey of some months will put that resolve to the test and while the return trip should be far easier than the one that brought them to Erebor Billana has no doubt that it will still have it's difficulties. Thorin pulls a face at Kili's agreement with her suggestion, and Fili shrugs in reply. Billana resolves to go and talk to them later, this being a matter that she doesn't feel that they can put off, and the three of them follow Thorin into the large dinning room where much of the Company still gather most evenings. Everyone is there, though Billana knows that the time will eventually come when gatherings like this are few and far between, but the ones who catch her eye are Nori and Dwalin. The couple hold themselves slightly apart from the others, talking in hushed tones, Nori's face shifts, however, when she spots them and Billana knows that her friend has realised there is a problem.

"News from Belegost?" Balin asks when he sees the parchment.

"Word from Dis," Thorin agrees. "She's refusing to leave the stones of her husbands. Fili, Kili and Billana want to go to try and persuade her otherwise. I would feel easier about it if some of you were to go with them." He is looking directly at Dwalin and Nori as he says is but Billana sees him frown when Nori shakes her head subtly.

"It won't be us," she tells him, "it will be some time before I leave the mountain for anything longer than a couple of days." Most of the others look confused, but Billana hears Fili make a soft noise of realisation at the same time as Dwalin grins broadly and Dori's face seems to clear into something peaceful. "I'm carrying," Nori continues. "and about seven months from now Erebor will get to welcome her first new pebble."

The room erupts in noise as the Company gather around Nori and Dwalin to offer congratulations, slapping shoulders and even smashing their heads together with the kind of force that still makes Billana wince even though she has become accustomed to it over the months. Dwalin receives the attention with good humour, but Billana can see the grip he has on Nori's hand. The dwarrowdam looks like she wants to bolt, an expression that is unusual enough to cause Billana some concern and Fili clearly notices it as well, urging the others away to give her some space as Thorin talks to her quietly. Dwalin is still close to her and there is a wariness in his expression that she cannot quite place.

"They lost their first," Fili tells her softly, evidently noticing her curiosity "a long time ago. There's been some question since about whether they would be able to try again."

"Nori nearly died," Kili elaborates bitterly, "protecting _us_ from the people who murdered our fathers."

"She knew what she was doing, Kili," Fili hisses, although Billana can tell that this is a discussion that they have had a number of times. "Far better than we did. We can't turn back time. It's done. Let's just be happy _now_. This is good." Kili nods.

"It does make going back more difficult," Billana points out, her own voice as low as theirs. "We'd planned on them agreeing to come with us."

Billana looks at the couple. Nori has relaxed now that she doesn't have so many others crowded around her and now that she knows about the loss, Billana can see the undercurrent of worry that not even one as skilled at hiding their thoughts as Nori seems to be able to hide. Knowing that they have already lost one child goes some way towards explaining that, Billana knows what it is like to be in a situation and be struck by memories of the past. She wouldn't dream of asking either of them to leave Erebor now, and even if someone else were to try and convince Dwalin to come with them she would refuse to let him anyway. The pair of them have obviously lost more than she had realised over the years, she refuses to be the one to take someone else from them.

"Will you be going straight to Ered Luin?" Balin asks them. Billana startles at the sound of his voice, not having noticed her father's approach.

"I need to go back to the Shire," she replies quietly.

"No," Balin declares, loudly enough to draw the attention of everyone else. "What possible reason could you have to want to return to that Mahal forsaken hole?" Billana shrinks back a little under the scrutiny of the others.

"Her grandfather is dying," Fili says, putting an arm around her shoulders. "We don't like it either, but he's asked for her and Billana wants to go."

"We all know that she could get there with or without us," Kili adds, "so we decided that it was for the best if we went there with her. I would rather be there if the hobbits decided to cause trouble than risk anything happening because we weren't there to protect her. Fili feels the same."

"And I think you're all over reacting," Billana huffs. "But I'd rather not do it on my own. My aunt's message was-" she pauses, trying to put what the raven had told her into words that would make sense to the dwarves. Birds, after all, do not think the same way that those who walk on the ground do. "Her message was vague, my grandfather is dying and he wants to know that I'm safe and taken care of. If we have to go in that direction anyway, it won't cost us anything to make sure that he knows I'll be alright."

"In that case," Balin sighs after a moment of thought, "I suppose I had better come with you, if Thorin has no objections."

"As if you would care if I did," Thorin grumbles. "I would sooner have you with them, especially if Lord Elrond's menaces are going to be among the party until Rivendell. I suspect they would never arrive at all without a calming influence and I don't need more trouble with _elves_."

"In which case, I had better go as well," Dori pipes up, much to the surprise of everyone.

"Really?" Nori asks. "You're the last person I would have expected to leave." Dori shakes his head.

"Young Billana isn't the only one with unpleasant memories in the Shire, namad," he says to her. "Besides, if I stay I have a feeling that my habit of wanting to take care of you will clash somewhat with Dwalin's. It might be better for everyone if I were absent."

"You never know, we might end up _agreeing_ on the best way to look after her," Dwalin snorts.

"Not if either of you want to keep you beards," Nori grumbles in reply and Dori smiles sadly.

"My point exactly," he tells her, "but if you would prefer me to stay-"

"No," Nori shakes her head. "Go with them, keep her safe. By the time you get back I might actually have started to miss you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this took so long to get typed and out. I'm sorry. I'm so bogged under with studying that I haven't had time to write, especially as it's SM's 7th birthday tomorrow and the Fluttershy she wanted me to make (not buy, she didn't want a generic store bought one) took more time than I had to give. So yes, little bit behind on studies (but this is another biology part so I'm struggling to get into it as biology really isn't my thing), but I have achieved crochet Fluttershy. The cake has been baked and decorated (badly, I lack the same talent with icing).


	74. Return Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Travelling with the twins is faster.

After Nori and Dwalin's announcement there is a small amount of debate about whether they should really leave for the Shire and Ered Luin at this time if it means taking Dori with them. As a discussion Billana finds it frustrating, while she is overjoyed for Nori and Dwalin, of course, she also wants to have a chance of seeing her grandfather before he passes. Her aunt's message had been vague, stating only that her grandfather was dying without any details of the severity or of how soon it might happen, but Billana feels the pull of that statement all the same. She is wanted back in the Shire and as much as Fili, Kili, Balin and the twins try to convince her that to return is a monumentally bad idea, she cannot bring herself to fail to at least make the _effor_ _t_. In the end it is Dori who puts his foot down. The course has been agreed and if Nori and Dwalin cannot be there to watch over the three of them, there is no reason that it shouldn't be down to him and Balin. Besides, he argues, Nori will probably feel better knowing that Billana is being fussed over by him. Dori's need to care for others will probably drive the younger three to distraction by the end of the trip, but there is no denying that he means well by it.

Elladan and Elrohir argue that Billana would be better off staying away from the Shire. Since arriving in Erebor Billana has begun to share more details of her life there with her husbands and her friends. They all fear for her, but she will not be dissuaded. If her husbands are to go to Ered Luin in order to attempt to convince their mother to come back to Erebor with them, Billana wants to take the opportunity to say goodbye to her grandfather whether she arrives before he passes or not.

In the end they leave as soon as they can gather their belongings and supplies, riding from Erebor on new ponies with the twins on horses in the lead. Billana expects the trip to be fraught with arguments between Fili, Kili and the sons of Elrond, but the four seem to have come to an unspoken agreement that they need to get along. That isn't to say that there are no clashes between them, all four are accustomed to travel and have their own ways and methods of doing things that do not always fit together, but as the weeks go by and they spend more time together they gradually learn how to do things in the best way to match all needs. The twins often marvel at Billana's ability to sleep surrounded by the noise of dwarves, the snoring of her companions having become a familiar comfort rather than an irritation, while her husbands are heard to remark on the usefulness of elves who seem to need less sleep in return. Elladan and Elrohir _do_ sleep, but they do not seem to require as much of it as Billana and the dwarves do, seemingly content with a few hours of rest and meditation.

Travelling with the twins is faster. Not only do they know the easier routes through Mirkwood and the Misty Mountains, the small party are all mounted this time which also cuts weeks from the trip. They have the coin with them to frequently stop in inns where they come across them, and a party consisting of a hobbit, four dwarves and two elves is remarked upon no matter who sees them, and on the nights where they are still upon the road they sleep in tents of heavy canvas which are far warmer and better made than the ones they had managed to buy in Laketown before going to face Smaug, brought from the Iron Hills by Dain when he came to defend the newly won mountain. With so much of the mountain cleared all of his troops have been moved inside and there is no need of the tents any longer. Even their clothing is of better make, put together by Dori using supplies of fabric purchased from Laketown and the new coats and hoods have all been lined with the fur of wargs killed in the battle for warmth. Billana is still amazed at how soft it is once it has been cleaned and cared for. Overall they are far better supplied than they had been on their first trip across the Misty Mountains and with the numbers of orcs and goblins greatly reduced by the great battle it is a safer trip too.

Which doesn't mean that they don't encounter the odd straggler, although those are easily dealt with. The most use their weapons, however, is of an evening in the wilderness when Fili and Kili will spar with the twins. They only manage to win once, Elladan and Elrohir have centuries of experience after all, but they come very close to repeating it a number of times as they each become accustomed to the skills and techniques of the others. For all of their training and experience, Elladan and Elrohir are little accustomed to facing opponents who are _so_ much shorter than they are. Fili and Kili, however, _are_ accustomed to larger opponents and while the fact that they cannot beat the twins a second time is obviously a source of some frustration to them, even coming close to it is a greater feat than she thinks either of her husbands realises.

"Do not repeat this to them," Fili mutters to her as they draw near Rivendell nearly three months after leaving Erebor, "but I can admit that they are far more useful to have around than I had thought them to be."

Which is a far greater concession than Billana had ever expected to hear from either Fili or Kili. She doesn't think that the two mages and the twins will ever be the greatest of friends, and certainly the interactions between Kili and Elrohir are noticably cooler, but she would hope that they have come to do more than merely tolerate one another for her sake. That both of the twins have some healing abilities has enabled them to interact with Fili on a level that they cannot with the others, and she knows that the dwarf has learnt some tricks from the elves that he might not otherwise have ever been exposed to. It sorrows her to think that they will part ways in Rivendell, although they will stay for a few days in order to rest and resupply, but Billana had been firm when she had requested that the twins not come further with them. If, as everyone around her is insisting, the message from her family has a sinister motive they will not try anything while the twins are around. In truth, as long as Gandalf or the twins were in the Shire visiting her, the whispers and cruel jabs from the other hobbits lessened significantly. She had always anticipted the visits if only so that Camellia Sackville-Baggins and those in her aunt's circle would leave her alone for a few weeks.

The twins don't _want_ to part ways, this will likely be the last time that they see Billana for a number of years since the rest of the party will return to Erebor with the next caravan from Ered Luin, but if there are sinister motives behind her summoning to the Shire those with them will simply try again at a later date without the twins present. The presence of her father, husbands and Dori may well be enough to cause them to pause and rethink, but Billana is clinging to the idea that there was nothing more behind the message than her aunt's desire to give her the opportunity to say goodbye to her grandfather. She knows that the presence of the dwarves had not caused Camellia to hold her tongue on their departure, there is no reason to expect that to have changed.

Fili and Kili seem to hope, rather than believe, that there is nothing darker to her aunt's motives.

They avoid camping near the area where they confronted the trolls nearly a year before, although Billana is relieved to find that the local wildlife has already begun to return to the area. None of them want to be near the great stone statues, and Kili spares a baleful look towards the one with the shattered hands and head which very nearly killed Billana that night. As good as the story is to tell others, the physical reminders of the incident are harder to face than any of them had thought they would be. It is the first time that Billana begins to really worry about her return to the Shire and that worry grows as the days pass and they get ever closer to the land of her childhood.

She realised even before she left that it wasn't home, that it could never _be_ home so long as she was so persecuted by the others around her. She recognises it for what it is, she always has, that she had grown up despised simply for being born. She recognises how frightened she has always been and the return of that fear as they move closer and closer sits badly with her. She grows short tempered and jumpy, even going so far as to flinch away from the touches of her husbands in a way that she hasn't since the early days of their relationship, suddenly terrified of what Camellia Sackville-Baggins and her cronies might say or do should word reach them before she arrives that she has not one, but two husbands who she allows to touch her in ways far more intimate than any married hobbit would permit in public. Fili and Kili watch her in silence, though she isn't sure if that is because they are waiting for her to come to them with her concerns or because they don't know what to say or do to help her. She does know that her withdrawal hurts them and she mentally berates herself for it. It isn't until they are in Bree, staying in the Prancing Pony, that Fili and Kili decide that they cannot wait any longer.

"Are you ashamed of us, Kitten?" Fili asks her. They have retired to their shared room after a filling meal, leaving Dori and a rather morose Balin in the tap room.

"Of course not!" She exclaims in horror."I could never be."

"Then why won't you let us touch you?" Kili asks. "Why do you withdraw every time we do more than try to take your hand?"

"I can't explain," she whispers. "The other hobbits- they don't- they won't- I don't want to give them another reason to hate me."

Kili wraps her in his arms as Fili makes a noise that she can only call angry.

"Their opinions don't matter," Kili mutters. She looks up at him. "No matter what they think of you after this visit, it won't matter because this isn't your home."

"Erebor is," Fili continues, causing her to turn her head. "Your home is in Erebor with us. Your deeds will guarantee the good opinion of every dwarf who lives there."

"But I'm still a hobbit," she reminds him.

"I know that," Fili replies, "but if your own people could not see your worth a year ago, what use is their opinion now? Good or bad, it doesn't change how badly they have treated you over the years."

"We can see how scared you are, kundith," Kili breathes. "If going back there terrifies you so, perhaps we shouldn't."

"I have to," she insists, the same as she has every time that this has come up since they left Erebor. "There are things that I never thought I would want to keep until we made a home together that I need to get." They both nod. "I need to at least have _tried_ to say goodbye to my grandfather for my own peace of mind. Besides, the letter my mother sent to Pallando said that he had one for me that I should have received on my birthday. I need to see it. I need to know what she wrote." She sighs. "I just- I don't want to cause more problems than I already do."

" _You_ are not the problem," Fili assures her. "And if it's what you want, we'll go. Just promise me that, no matter what, one of us is always with you."

"I can do that," She assures him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like writing transition chapters. I need to get them to the Shire, but the return trip was never going to be as interesting. Still, it's done and we can move on to what happens next. No promises about how many chapters that's going to take.


	75. Return to the Shire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I had thought you my uncle with that reply."

It takes them nearly three days to get from Bree to Billana's tiny smial just outside Hobbiton. Billana remembers Thorin's complaints when they left the Shire about the size of it, now that she has been so far from this place she can understand how it would feel so small at a glance. The few hobbits that they pass stare and grumble quietly, going so far as to move to the other side of the road. Although Billana knew that their arrival could not go unnoticed, she had hoped that it would be little enough that they would make it to her tumble down home unchallenged.

It isn't.

A crowd has already formed outside the small dwelling by the time the five of them arrive, having left their ponies with one of the local farmers and walked the rest of the way. The crowd is made up hobbits of all ages and Billana feels dread fill her when she recognises more than one of them as members of Camellia's circle.

"Let us past," Balin says firmly when it looks like none of them will part to allow the dwarves and hobbit in through the gate.

"Who are you to order us?" One of the younger hobbits replies, puffing up when his fellow tweens cheer on his boldness.

"The one with a sword, lad," Balin replies reasonably. "That house belongs to my daughter and I would see her to it safely."

There are murmurs following that declaration, whispers of confusion or outright denial of Balin's claim. Billana shifts uncomfortably, her hand clutching at Kili's. The last thing that she wants is for this to go poorly. If the hobbits decide to try and keep them all from her smial she knows that they won't succeed, not against four highly trained dwarven warriors, but it will lead to bloodshed and even the potential for loss of life. She doesn't want that. If they do not wish her to enter the dwelling then the five of them will collect their ponies and find somewhere else to spend the night. She has seen enough death and pain and bloodshed to last her lifetime, though she knows that she will likely see more, she doesn't need to see it or bring it to the Shire.

Beside her, Kili chuckles.

"I had thought you my uncle with that reply," he tells her father. "But there _are_ other ways to move them." The midnight blaze of Kili's gift wraps around two of the hobbits even as the golden glow of Fili's lifts another. The other hobbits move away quickly when the warm glow of Balin's gift joins her husbands' and the five of them dart through the gate. "Our thanks," Kili turns to say with a grin and a wink. Then for good measure, as though he hasn't given them enough gossip, he pulls Billana to his chest and kisses the breath from her. "Come, my beautiful wife, let us see what damage time has done."

He wraps his arm around her waist to lead her in, her cheeks flaming as she hears the mutters of the crowd grow louder.

"I have to say," Fili comments, "that was inspired."

"I try," Kil sniggers.

"' _Inspired'_?" Billana demands. "I dread to think what they'll say of us now!"

"But that's the point, Kitten," Fili replies. "You left with thirteen dwarves and a wizard, but you've come back with only four of us. One is claiming to be your father, and is the belligerant sort who might be persuaded to draw his sword on weaponless bystanders. Another claims to be your husband and is one of at least three very powerful mages. If anything that we might consider untoward has been planned, it will make them think twice before acting upon it. We might actually get an evening of peace before we move on to see your grandfather."

"They were looking for the gossip, Kundith," Kili says. "They would have made something up if we hadn't given them anything, no doubt something unsavoury and as far from the truth as they could get. At least they know that if you are married to at least one of us we have no intention of leaving you here. They cannot judge you for being married."

"They will if they know that I married two of you," she mumbles.

"I fear they will pass judgement on you for marrying Kili regardless of whether they know that he is one of two husbands or not," Balin sighs. "Come, let us look around and see lie of things, then I think I should probably tell you a little of my own history that none of you, except Dori, will be aware of."

That, of course, peaks her interest and Billana can see that Fili and Kili feel the same about it, but there is the smial to examine and while the door had still been locked and had shown no signs of being tampered with, she won't be easy until she is sure that the things that she wants are still where they belong. The garden, of course, had been massively overgrown when they passed through it, the weeds thick enough that she knows it hasn't been touched by even a passing hobbit since she left. She isn't surprised by that in the slightest, though she wishes that she could be, convincing others to help her with any repairs that she needed to make to her ramshackle little smial had been difficult enough, and eaten deeply into the allowance her grandfather had set out for her on her mother's death.

That is one of the many things about marrying Fili and Kili that had come as a wonderful surprise. All the assets that she brought with her into the union are _hers_ , had she married a hobbit this smial, her allowance and any dowry that her mother might have set aside for her would have come under the control of her husband. Half of her dowry would have been set aside in trust for her marriage, or for her to live on should her parents pass before she married when she would live on the interest. The other half would have been spent in any way that her husband had seen fit, any proceeds from sale of belongings or property that were deemed unneeded would have been his. The thought had been one of the more frightening ones, having been independant for four years before meeting Fili and Kili the idea that she would have to rely on them for everything had been scary even though she had known that they would never leave her wanting as a hobbit husband might. Most hobbit husbands tie their wife's allowance into the household budget, encouraging them to haggle hard if they want to save some coin for fabrics or yarns. Belladonna had been free from that, but only because her healing had brought in coin that, in the marriage contract, had been agreed was for her sole use. She had put most of it aside for Billana and the wild mage had long felt some guilt over the fact that her mother had worked herself to death to provide for her. Time, however, has allowed her to realise that Belladonna did it as much out of her own guilt for disappointing her family as she had for the sake of her only child.

These musings carry her through the smial as she spots patches of damp which had not been there in the spring when she had departed, when she discovers that the window of the study has been covered completely by fallen dirt. An inspection of the small mound which covers her tiny dwelling shows places where winter rain and snow have worn the ground thin and the eaves of the smial below are beginning to show through. This is not an unexpected outcome, she has known for a long time that one day the smial would reach the point where simple repairs would no longer be an option. It still makes her sad that the level of disrepair is so high, so quickly. Even had she remained in the Shire there is little chance that she would have been able to deal with all of these problems on her miniscule budget and alone.

"This doesn't happen in four years," Dori mutters as they congregate in the sitting room to compare notes. "I'm no stonesmith, and I certainly don't have any familiarity with hobbit homes, but this isn't something that happens after only a year or two of neglect."

"I did my best!" Billana flares, defensive in the face of a comment so similar to her grandfather's words whenever she asked for more money to hire hands to repair something.

"I'm not saying you didn't," Dori soothes. "But this place had problems before you moved in, I'm sure."

"It was empty for about fifteen years before my grandfather gave it to me," she replies. "I had to do a lot of work when I moved in, most of it myself because I couldn't afford the help and no one would-" she shrugs. "The Maggots helped some, they sent their two lads over when they could be spared in exchange for my help in training their dogs, but they're nearly two days away so that wasn't as often as I needed and the boys didn't like sleeping in their wagon besides." Fili pulls her close. "I spent most of my first winter with water pouring through the ceiling in the study and smoke out of the chimneys. I found out in the spring that some of the local tweens had half filled them with rubble once they'd been cleaned. It wasn't the first time that they did it, but the times after the local animals stepped in and chased them off."

"What did your grandfather say?" Fili demands.

"That he'd done as much as he could for me and if I was going to live separated from my guardians I needed to either marry or learn to manage these things for myself," she huffs. "It's not as though I had a choice where Gandalf was concerned, and Camellia had tried to claim guardianship of me after Bungo died. After I told grandfather what she'd done he put a stop to her having any form of control over me."

"Except influencing public opinion," Kili points out, although there would have been nothing her grandfather could do about gossip.

"Are the things that you wanted here?" Balin asks her, obviously able to see her discomfort and desire for the subject to be changed.

"They are," she nods, having checked on both the dress and the painting first. In fact, her bedroom is the one room in the smial that isn't showing signs of extensive damage. "There's nothing else but those two things." Balin nods.

"We'll rest here tonight, make our way to your grandfather's home in the morning," he decides. "I know you wanted to spend a couple of days her, lass, cleaning up and the like but-" he looks around.

The smell of damp is thick and the smial is cool even with the fires lit. It will not be a comfortable few days while they get things packed away for sale or storage and given the state of things, Billana cannot see any of the other hobbits wanting any of her abandoned belongings in any case. It chafes to leave them to become a future problem for someone else, but the entire smial will probably have collapsed entirely after another winter anyway. It's probably for the best that she just take what she needs to. She had already, reluctantly, put aside the desire to have a proper hobbit wedding night in this place, aside from Balin and Dori's proximity, the smell of damp earth and rot is enough to discourage anyone. Nor are the sheets in the best condition. Her dress is fine, having been carefully wrapped and stored, but the sheets had been old even before she left and they have taken on the damp and musty smell of the smial. Even her dress would need freshening, ideally. The smial is in no fit state for habitation.

"Alright," Kili agrees when Billana nods. "Now we've agreed to that, what was it you wanted to tell us?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm swamped, really swamped. On the plus side, my maths assignment has been handed in three days early. The downside is that I'm struggling with my science. Biology is not my thing, genetics definitely aren't, and if I never see another pea plant again it will be way too soon. I'm stressed, so I write. Enjoy.


	76. Balin's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The hobbits won't care that you're married, lass,"

Balin sighs and looks at all three of them seriously before leaning back in the old armchair that he has occupied since they completed their survey on the smial. His face takes on an expression of exhausted grief as he turns his gaze down to his hands. Billana waits, tucked against Fili's side where the three of them are sat together on the floor so that Dori could take the other chair. They would have brought the chairs in from the small dinning room to use, but those are showing enough damage that none of them are willing to risk it. The chairs were rickety _before_ the quest, over the course of the winter something has happened to them to make them even more unstable and Billana finds herself wondering if her smial is as untouched as she had thought.

"Roughly thirty years ago," Balin says, finally, "I departed Ered Luin with something of a cloud over me. It was just after Morvanli and Suli were killed and I felt the part that I had to play in the circumstances around it rather keenly."

"I remember our mother telling you to leave," Kili comments. Balin looks at him in obvious surprise. "She wasn't exactly interested in where we were at the time," he shrugs, "and I'd wanted to see her. I didn't realise she said it because you were involved." There is a hard note to his voice and Fili reaches around her to squeeze his brother's shoulder, though she doesn't know if it is in warning or comfort.

"It was the result of an error in judgement," Balin admits. "Which is all I can say on the matter while the others involved are absent." Kili glares at him, but doesn't speak further which Billana is grateful for. She can see that this is difficult enough for her father and although her husbands obviously deserve the answers that Balin can give them, this isn't the time. "I left, which ended up having a far greater cost than I could ever have imagined. My personal reasons aside, there were some matters revolving around our trade agreement with the hobbits that I wanted to discuss with the Thain. I could, of course, have sent someone else to deal with it, Mahal knows it would have been good experience for Ori if everything that I've seen of the lad since we took back Erebor has been anything to go by, but I wanted the excuse, and Dis wanted me far away. So, I insisted to Thorin that I was the only one who could possibly handle it."

He sighs.

"It was the first, and only, time I ever ran from something that I should have seen through," he continues after a pause. "Perhaps that's one reason that things worked out for me the way that they did. Had I stayed, maybe Dwalin and Nori would already be married with more than one child. We'll never know. I took my freshest apprentice, Stigr, and left without waiting for guard or escort. The days I was on the road were not as peaceful as I had hoped. Stigr was a poor choice of companion, young, inexperienced, terrified of making a mistake. I chose him because I knew that his only question would be to ask _why_ I chose him. I also knew that he would accept it when I told him that I felt he needed the experience. Which wasn't a lie. He did, and the trip helped to highlight the fact that although his craft was certainly in scribe work, he was not suited to kind of diplomatic requirements that fall upon one in service to the king.

"That realisation came somewhat later.

"It took us about three days to get to see the Thain, days which we spent walking the local paths, speaking to those who _would_ speak to us, and going over the old agreements in the considerable comfort of our rooms at the local inn. I met Amethyst Grubb there. I'd like to say that I resisted the temptation of a distraction from my chosen task, but I confess that I was instantly enchanted and not inclined to resist the delay. The longer I spent in the Shire the longer I would be able to avoid facing the consequences of events that I had helped put into motion. So, instead of resisting the infatuation, I welcomed it. Amethyst was rather more resistant to my attentions. I thought little of it, at the time I was merely curious about my instant attraction to her.

"It took time, and a little bit of persistence, but she eventually agreed to take a walk with me. One walk became two, two became three, and by the time my business with the Thain was concluded I was ready to ask her for a courtship. Of course I had delayed as much as I was able, and so I sent Stigr back to Ered Luin with the updated contracts and treaties while I lingered here a little longer. I was not the only one to breathe a sigh of relief at that, he had been difficult throughout and the delay had been as much about my desire to come to know Amethyst better as it had Stigr's incompetence. Amethyst and I were so lost in coming to know one another better that neither of us noticed the mutters of the rest of the hobbits. I missed their sour mutterings entirely, in fact, though usually I try to be aware of the attitudes of those around me, too lost in my infatuation to care. Amethyst, however, _did_ notice it. She accepted my offer of courtship at first, seeming to welcome it enthusiastically, and perhaps she hoped that her people's poor opinions would be eased by knowing that I was serious in my attentions. I don't know. It all changed one evening."

Billana sucks in a breath, realising that she has heard part of this story before from the other side. It was told by some of the farmers around Tuckborough for years when she was a young child visiting her grandfather, of the dwarf trader who had come to seduce young hobbit maids away from their safe home. She remembers how proud they had been of the fact that they had managed to drive him out and yet not sacrifice the trade agreements that saw their excess crops taken for a good price. She had been a child the first time she had heard it, though it had been years after it had first happened, and she had put the story out of mind, though she had once wondered whether it was a story of her own father as the hobbit maid in question was never given a name.

"I had been waiting for Amethyst to meet me," Balin continues, looking directly at her, "the hour was growing late and I was beginning to grow concerned. When she did finally arrive I could see that she was upset, there were still tears on her cheeks and she came to me with such reluctance that I knew there was something deeply wrong. When I tried to hold her, she shied away like a startled pony. Then she told me to leave, along with a lot of other nonsense about how she had only agreed to court me to protect the money her father made from the trade agreements between my people and hers, that what we were doing wasn't right or natural and a great number of other accusations that were they made in Ered Luin would have seen me shaved and branded at least. I confess, I did not react to the accusations in a way that would reflect well on myself or on my people.

"Then her father and several others joined us. I've long known that there are those among our people who feel that the rules we adhere to so strictly where our own 'dams are concerned, do not apply to the lasses of other races. They are few and far between, and when we discover them we do all that we can to make sure that they are rarely, if ever, placed in a position to do further harm."

"I've met some like that," Fili mutters, "with the caravans. The healers see the concequences of it more. Those of us who work with the caravans are given extra training on how to handle such a situation should we ever be in a position to treat a victim of such an attack, whether it be at the hands of dwarf or Man."

"I often wondered at your uncle's wisdom in allowing you two to join those caravans," Balin mutters, "but I suppose he knew what he was about in the end." He takes a deep breath. "Stigr turned out to be one such dwarf, there's a reason that he never made it through his apprenticeship. I ended it as soon as I got back to Belegost and confirmed the truth of the accusations made. The idiot didn't even try to deny it, not even when I pointed out that it could have cost us valuable trade in grains and preserves. I was harsh on him, and I know not what happened to him, but at the time I was feeling the results of the attack on my character and heart deeply, after all I had been accused of doing the same. If one of us were capable of it, surely we much both have been doing it. I had been all but chased from the area, my belongings already packed haphazardly and my coin purse rather emptier than it should have been. The coins, I was told, were taken as payment of damages done to Amethyst's person and reputation. I took myself to Bree, where I knew there to be at least one hobbit and dwarf partnership. I needed answers and they were the ones to give them to me.

"Hobbits do not trust outsiders, they have little reason to and have been _given_ little reason to. The world views them as soft and foolish, when they're remembered at all. As Billana knows, their family lineage is important to them, perhaps more so than it is to any other race. By my understanding even the least educated hobbit can recite their family tree back for at least five generations, on all sides. As far as they are concerned, bloodline is everything, the name of a hobbit and of their parents can tell you what kind of a character to expect and the introduction of new blood from outside their borders upsets that. They value their routines, what few traditions they have, and the stability that comes from knowing that the most flighty among them are limited to only a few more curious creatures rather than any more violent impulses. They do not desire attention and believe that so as long as they do not mix blood with those outside their race, they will not receive it except through the small amount of trade that is necessary to keep even this peaceful place stable. I was assured that Amethyst's response to my attentions was likely to have been genuine, but that pressure from her parents, grandparents and any older siblings, would have been enough to convince her otherwise. I stayed in Bree for a week, debating whether I should go back and try to convince her to come with my to Ered Luin regardless of her parents wishes. Perhaps, had I not delayed so long-" he pauses, then gestures to Dori.

"From what Balin told me," Dori continues, "word reached him of a wedding that had taken place not long after he had been driven out, Amethyst had married a young hobbit lad who she had, apparently, been courting since her early tweens and her father had disapproved of. She had allowed Balin's attentions as an act of rebellion, but having seen the error of her ways had repented it and her father, having realised that things could have been far worse, permitted her to marry the lad rather than continue to stand against it. A letter that arrived in Ered Luin later determined that story to be a lie told to cover up everything that had happened between Balin and Amethyst, by that time, however, it was too late."

Dwarves love once, Billana knows, and it is so completely and so deeply that there will never be a second opportunity. Even those with more than one spouse will have met them at the same time as they met their first, at most a matter of weeks will fall between them. Billana certainly could never have imagined falling for both Fili and Kili if she had met them separately. She knows that their fathers met their mother within days of each other, and although dwarves are not prone to waste away from the grief of loss in the way that elves are, she also knows that they are never the same after such a loss. To have the one they love placed into a position where they will forever be unattainable must be, somehow, all the worse. Especially knowing that it has been done unwillingly.

"The hobbits won't care that you're married, lass," Balin sighs, "because as far as they're concerned that fact that you've come back married is worse than if you had come back alone, which would very likely have been only marginally preferable to you not coming back at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I completely happy with how he's told it? No. But I've been arguing with it for days and I can't face fighting with it anymore. Not to mention I have to finish that stupid biology assignment and I'm using this as an excuse. One of these days I'll write what actually happened with all the feelings and the mush and the sad to go with it, but for now, you get the slightly clinical telling from Balin who never thought he would have to tell anyone other than one of his closest friends about this particular episode. You can rest assured that Dori knows a lot more about what happened than has been covered here.


	77. Reflections and Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Adad?" She calls softly.

Everyone retires after Balin's pronouncement. For Billana, the night is long and difficult. She tosses and turns between her husbands in a bed that seems too large even with the three of them pressed tightly into a space which is so much smaller than any of the other beds that they have shared. The only thing she had thought the other hobbits would turn their noses up at was the fact that she has taken _two_ dwarves as her husbands. It never occured to her that they might sneer at the fact that she is married at all. For the first time since they left Erebor she allows herself to entertain the idea that perhaps her new family are right, perhaps her old family _don't_ want to see her for altruistic reasons at all. Still, she couldn't live with herself if she had ignored the message asking her to come, not when it might be the difference between saying a proper farewell to her grandfather and always wondering what happened. Sleep claims her long after it does her husbands, and she drifts through the night, tossing and turning and clinging to one or other of them as she slumbers.

She wakes with the dawn, the snores of her husbands less of a comfort than usual, and dresses quickly, padding on silent feet through the tumble down smile and letting her memories of the day she met the Company play through her mind. She had been so scared, she remembers, at the thought of so many unknowns in her home. Even knowing that Gandalf would not have deliberately brought anyone who ment to hurt her into such proximity, even knowing that Fili, Kili and Thorin would have protected her, she had been worried about what it would mean to have so many in her home that she did not know and was unsure about trusting. For all her worry and misgivings, however, they had made her feel safer than anyone she had ever been near.

The door is open when she comes to it, and although she can hear the slight whistle of Dori's snore, she realises that she cannot hear Balin's at all. She looks out of the door warily, careful to remain as out of sight as possible in case some unknown threat waits on the other side, only to spot her father slumped on the same bench that Kili had been sitting on when he offered her a new home. His head is in his hands, his entire posture screaming defeat, and she feels her heart break anew for his suffering.

"Adad?" She calls softly, going to sit beside him and resting her head on his shoulder. Balin sighs, shifting so that he can wrap his arm around her and hold her tightly against him. "I wish I'd known," she offers finally.

"It would have served no purpose telling you," Balin replies gently, "save to make you more fearful than you already were."

"I wasn't-" Billana shakes her head.

"You _were_ ," Balin cuts her off. "Fili and Kili didn't want to say it, but we could all see it. You've been terrified of coming here since we left the troll hoard. My story was a surprise to _them_ , but I suspect you've heard some part of it before." She whispers an affirmative. "And you never thought that they might try and do the same thing to you?"

"I didn't think that they would want to bother," she admits with a shrug. "They still think I'm just Belladonna's strange bastard. It would take a lot more money than there is in my dowry to convince any hobbit lad to take me." Billana swallows. "Now I think that they might have tried to find someone anyway."

"You understand why I want you near us at all times, lass?" He asks her. "I'll not risk them trying to hurt you. Which is why I brought these with me," Balin holds out three gold bands each one engraved with the same symbol that Fili, Kili and Billana have inked into the skin of their left ring finger. "I know the three of you decided against them, but while you're here it would make me a little easier if you were wearing them. As many of your people's traditions as we've ignored, I think that one might be one of the better ones to observe."

"We'll wear them," she agrees, able to see his point. "I promise." She slips the smaller of the three onto her finger, pleased, but not at all surprised, to find that it fits. "Did you ever think about going to look for her?" Billana asks after a pause.

"To what purpose?" Balin replies. "She's out of my reach, and I daresay likely better off for it. I think if I had arrived in Belegost married after what Dwalin and Nori went through, my brother would have killed me himself. I won't bring that pain back into her life and I won't shatter whatever peace she might have found." He huffs. "I know how like your sire that sounds, lass," he tells her before she can say the same. "Unlike your situation, however, there was no child to consider, and no chance that there would ever have been one. I did send someone to learn what they could of her circumstances. I was told that she seemed happy, comfortable, and chased him off with a frying pan as soon as he mentioned my name." Billana huffs, that sounds like some of the hobbit wives she has seen in her life. "So, like all dwarves who's One doesn't share their feelings, I have withdrawn." He gives her a gentle smile. "Still, had Amethyst and I married it is unlikely that I would have come to know and cherish you as I do." She leans against him. "Now, we had best go in and start on breakfast before the lads come out in a frenzy thinking you've been kidnapped or some other nonsense."

Billana laughs and follows Balin inside, turning towards the kitchen automatically. She raids their supplies quietly as she pulls together everything that she can for a meagre breakfast. They will have to buy more before they continue on to Tuckborough, and again for their trip to Ered Luin. The hobbits of the area may turn their noses up at her, but they will not turn aside good coin in exchange for their wares. Hobbits have little time for pretty things that sit gathering dust and cluttering up their comfortable smials, but they are partial to the luxury of a good book or new outfit. Even to that bit of preserve that Mrs. Appledown charges more than triple the price of Mister Bellows for. Coin spends, even the unwelcome coin of dwarves and strange lasses who talk with animals.

She mentions as much to Balin as she cooks and he promises that he will go to the market in Bywater with Dori to retrieve what they need. After the scene of her departure and now their arrival, Billana is as happy as the rest of them that she will be able to avoid the nosy residents for another day. True to their word, Balin and Dori leave straight after finishing breakfast as Billana ushers her husbands in the direction of the dishes. While they are busy with that she gathers up the clothes that the five of them had brought from Erebor, lights the small fire under the copper cylinder in the bathroom, and waits for it to heat enough for her to wash their clothes. Since they have stopped they may as well clean and mend their clothing, and she might as well make herself that little bit more presentable before they go on to Tuckborough. She washes herself first, scrubbing quickly and finds herself missing the large baths in Erebor. The small tub in her bathroom feel confining after the larger ones she has used during the course of her travels.

Once she is clean she turns her attention to the clothes without bothering to put on anything other than an old smock, though it has holes in it from the moths. Fortunately the clothes she needs to wash aren't in anything like the same condition as they had been upon the group's arrival in Rivendell, although they are still more dirty than she would like them to be, and she makes quick work of them once she has found the washboard, mangle, and removed the buttons where necessary. Task done she piles the wet clothes into a basket and makes her way back to her room, wrinkling her nose as she looks through the small wardrobe for something that she can wear which hasn't been eaten at by moths and that doesn't smell too musty. In the end the only thing that she can lay her hands on straight away is a simple russet skirt, that falls to her mid-calves in the way that all hobbit garments do, a soft white blouse and a thick bodice in dark green that goes with the skirt well enough.

Her clothes in Erebor are a nice mix of hobbit and dwarf styles, dressing as a proper hobbit again feels almost wrong, and she cringes as she pulls her clothes on though she knows that she has to wear something if she wants to get the ones she has just washed up and drying in the summer sun. While her clothes are entirely hobbit in appearance, including the white apron she ties over the top of them, Billana is quick to make certain that her marriage and Khazad bâhâl braids are in place. The last thing she wants is to give the other hobbits the impression that she is trying to come back to her old life and attempt to resume her place as one of them. She is not now, nor has she ever been, welcome in this place and she refuses to try and pretend that she is.

She stops in the kitchen to let Fili and Kili know what she's doing, and when she doesn't find them there she looks out into the small back yard. Both of them stand with their chests bare in the sun, Fili swinging her old woodaxe in a familiar rhythm as Kili moves through some forms with his sword. She stops to watch for a time, taking in a sight which has become familiar in its own way and yet is one that she will never tire of. They smile when they notice her presence, although Fili arches an eyebrow at the clothes she's wearing and she shrugs in return.

"It's all I've got clean," she tells him when they set aside their tasks and approach. "Here," she digs into the pocket of the apron and pulls out the two gold bands. "Balin had these made for us. He said that in light of our reception he thinks we should all wear one instead of relying on our ink to tell everyone our status."

"Not a bad idea," Fili agrees, "I'm sure rumours are all over the place after Kili's stunt last night but this will definitely help to confirm them."

"You're just upset you didn't think of it first," Kili grins. "Are you sure, Kundith?" He asks then. "You don't have to wear it just because Balin suggested it."

"I'm sure," she replies, twisting the unfamiliar weight of the ring around on her finger. "The only reason I didn't want one was because I'm scared I might lose it if I have to change in an emergency." She runs her hand over the two inked marks on her forearm, one which marks her as a member of the famed Company of Thorin Oakenshield and the other as Khazad bâhâl. Those marks are almost as precious to her as the one that she has in place of the gold band that now decorates her finger, and they are not hidden by the thin cotton sleeves of her blouse. "They're simple," she adds, "and I like that." She shakes her head a little. "Now go in and get washed, there should be some hot water in the boiler. It shouldn't take this lot long to dry in this heat." She had forgotten, honestly, how hot summer can get in the Shire.

Her husband's depart to do as she has asked them to, dropping quick kisses onto her forehead as they pass, and she grabs her basket to climb onto the top of the smial where the line still hangs between two slightly wobbly poles. She's nearly finished with her task when a shrill voice rings out behind her.

"Billana _Baggins_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so the end of this chapter is where I wanted the _last_ chapter to end. But this one is about the same length as the last so I cut it. Now you know why this fic has exploded from the planned 42 (I think) chapters to where I am now. Who here won't be surprised if I hit 100?


	78. Sackville-Baggins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Billana Baggins!"

"Billana _Baggins_!"

The sound of the too familiar voice has the tunic in her hands tumble from suddenly numb fingers as all of the confidence that the Company has worked so heard to give her drains from Billana's body. It is almost as though all the months since she left the Shire haven't happened as she feels dread fill her and her stomach clench as her shoulders hunch. Mentally she berates herself even as all the actions she has learnt to take over the year begin to happen. If she keeps herself meek, if she doesn't talk back or provoke her aunt this encounter with Camellia Sackville-Baggins will be over quickly and with relatively little physical and emotional distress. This is not like facing the new comers in Erebor, they know what she has accomplished for the sake of Thorin Oakenshield and all the dwarves he rules over. This is the hobbit woman who, like so many others, tormented her throughout her childhood, who declared that this tumbledown smial was too _much_ of a gift for a lass like her. This is the hobbit who tried to have her raped and cast from her home.

Orcs and dragons and goblins were terrifying.

Camellia Sackville-Baggins is the horror that will likely wake Billana in the night until she is old and grey.

Camellia Sackville-Baggins leaves her too petrified to move.

Her voice, when she finally manages to greet the other hobbit, is so timid that she curses herself in the back of her mind. She should be past this. She is married now, more, she is a princess of Erebor. She has faced orcs, goblins, giant spiders and dragons. She told the Valar that she would not be taken to Valinor with no thought or care about what the result may be to her life or sanity. The most powerful beings in existance did not terrify her as much as _this_ hobbit.

"So, they brought you back," Camellia sneers, "and that disgusting little display of yours yesterday didn't convince anyone. What could any of them possibly want with you? Except what's between your legs anyway and we all know that dwarves don't need to marry when they decide they want something like that. How many times did they have you before they got bored? At least they didn't bring you back with any more filthy half breeds."

"How dare you?" Billana gasps, her fear disapating as her anger grows. She yelps when Camellia strikes her, but even that, which would have cowed her so easily in the past, does not silence her this time. "My husbands have _never_ been anything but kind and caring! They _always_ give me the choice. I have found more love and care and _joy_ in one year with those dwarves than I have found in a _lifetime_ with my own kind! They accept me. _All_ of me. _You_ don't get to make that into something disgusting."

"But it _is_ disgusting," Camellia sneers. "But then, nothing more than I should have expected from the filthy, half-breed daughter of Belladonna Took. Bungo was too gentle on you, hardly a surprise given the stupid fool was scared of the wizard, but he should have been firmer nonetheless." She grabs Billana's arm. "It's time to take you back where you belong. Time to give you to someone who will control you properly, unlike Bungo and that ridiculous old fool you call grandfather."

"That's enough from _you_ ," she hears Fili say as her husband's strong arms wrap around her. Camellia releases her almost instantly. "Are you alright, Kitten?" He asks softly, and were they among dwarves she's sure that none of them would hear it. They are with hobbits, however, and she sees Camellia's face twist.

"' _Kitten_ '?" The older hobbit mocks, her lips curling in a sneer.

"I would think very carefully before you continue," Fili cuts her off coldly. " _If_ you are capable of such a thing. By our rights of defense I can deal with you in any way that I see fit for the distress you are causing my wife." He steps out from behind her, moving to place himself between the two hobbits. He is still only wearing his trousers and boots and Billana sees Camellia's face turn red before the colour drains from it. Hobbits may find the sight of scars and inking repulsive, for the most part, but even Camellia must know that to have as many scars as Fili does he must have seen battle and survived. "I have removed a great many dark and disgusting creatures from this world," Fili hisses. "But none of them will give me the same satisfaction as it would to remove _you_."

"Fili, don't," Billana says quickly, watching Camellia shrink back. "She wouldn't have a chance, it would be murder."

"She would have done worse to you," Fili replies.

"And you're better than she is," Billana rests her hand on Fili's arm, the golden band on her finger catching in the sun. "No matter what she's done to me, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you killed her in cold blood. And you wouldn't be the dwarf I love if you did." He turns his gaze on her, blue eyes burning with the anger that Camellia has brought out in him. It would have scared her a year ago, but now she knows that it is just a sign of how much he loves her. "Don't waste your time on her."

"The _Thain_ will hear about this," Camellia shrieks. "And he won't stand for any of your nonsense anymore, not after what you've done."

"Good," Billana tells her. "Seeing him is the last thing we need to do before we leave. Just go."

"How could you let her leave? She _hurt_ you, Kitten," Fili demands as they watch Camellia depart, "and if I hadn't come what else would she have done?"

"It doesn't matter," Billana insists, although she knows that it does and it should. "Let's just do what we came here to do. Once it's done we never have to come back."

He pulls her into his arms, holding her tightly as though he is trying to reassure himself that she is unharmed. Her face stings where Camellia's hand connected with it, the blow as hard as Billana remembers them being, but she doesn't care. For the moment all that she cares about is being wrapped in Fili's arms and surrounded by the scent of him as the sun warms them both. She doesn't know how long they stay that way, and she knows that Fili needs the moment of comfort as much as she does, but they are finally brought apart by the sound of Kili's voice calling them.

"What happened?" He asks when he gets close enough to see them, his dark eyes lingering on Billana's cheek. She flinches when Fili touches his fingers to the bruise that has obviously formed there.

"Aunt Camellia decided to make her opinions known," Billana tries to shrug it off, though she knows that she has failed as soon as the words leave her lips because Kili snarls something at his brother. "I told him not to," she cuts in before the golden mage can reply. "I just want this over, I don't want to have to deal with anything else because something's be done to Camellia. Please just let it go." Kili eyes her sceptically, and she thinks he might argue, then he sighs and nods, obviously trusting her judgement and she wonders if she is making a mistake in letting Camellia get away with all that she has.

Billana shrugs it off, however, taking a deep breath before extracting herself from the arms of her husbands so that she can return to her previous task. They can't move on to Tuckborough, after all, until the clothes that she has taken the time to clean are dry. Fili and Kili wait until she has finish before they all go back inside and although she should be irritated by their hovering, she finds it somewhat comforting to have them nearby. The fact that she doesn't shoo them away must tell her husbands how shaken she has been by the encounter with Camellia, but neither of them presses her on the matter. They trust her enough, she knows, to be aware that she will tell them everything when she is ready for it. They have only pressed her a handful of times in the past, and only when it has been absolutely necessary.

"It wasn't anything that I haven't heard before or should have expected to hear her say," Billana tell them once Dori and Balin have returned from the market. Balin had not been happy to see the new bruise blooming on her cheek. "It just means that we'll have to pack up and leave today rather than sorting this place out. There's no knowing what sort of lies Camellia will decide to tell the Thain, and if my grandfather has passed the title to Uncle Isengrim I'm not sure how much influence she'll have. Grandfather usually took everything Camellia told him with a pinch of salt but I didn't really spend enough time with my mother's siblings to come to know them, or them me for that matter."

They all eat a quick lunch, Tuckborough is only about half a day's ride south of them, and although Billana knows that it is unlikely her mother's family will appreciate it if they arrive at around supper time, she also knows it would be better to get there before Camellia's letter. Incensed as the Sackville-Baggins matron is, Billana doubts the older hobbit will make the trip to speak to the Thain, whoever he ends up being, in person.

"Your grandfather is, or was, the Thain," Dori observes as he looks at the dress she had made for her wedding.

"Yes, not that it means all that much for my future," Billana replies, carefully wrapping the picture of her mother in some of the old sheets from the blanket box. "It's why the fact that my mother came home from Rivendell with me was _such_ a scandal. Had it been one of the other families all of the rumours might have died down after a few years, Tooks are wild and known be gifted more often than the other families, but they're also one of the oldest and most prominent families. Wildness and the gift can be accepted since it allows them to deal more easily with other races if we have to, but having illegitimate children-" she shrugs. "My mother will have had her reasons for deciding to come back, but it certainly didn't make life easier for either of us."

"This is lovely work, Billana," Dori tells her, carefully folding the dress so that it can be placed into an oilcloth bag to protect it against any rainfall that they might encounter during the next stages of their journey. "Did your mother help you?"

"No," Billana sighs, "she was already gone when I started that. I never thought I would need it, it didn't occur to me that my grandfather might try to arrange something until a few days before I met Kili." The Company have long since learnt that Billana met her dark-haired husband in his raven form days before she was introduced to Thorin and Fili.

"As good a reason as any to decide to runaway, though I hope you will forgive me for saying that you seem to have had reason enough before that."

Billana smiles fondly at Dori. As much as his fussing sometimes irritates her, she knows that it is done out of love. Of all of her dwarves, Dori seems to have one of the biggest hearts.

"You miss Ori and Nori, don't you?" She asks, tucking away a few more pieces that she doesn't want to leave behind, including the light blades that the twins had once given her which she had foolishly left when she first departed the Shire.

"We've all been separated before," Dori replies, "for one reason or another, and Nori more often than not was the one who left, especially after-" his face shifts and he shakes himself. "This time is different, this time I think I need to finally admit that she doesn't actually _need_ me to watch over her. She has Dwalin for that now."

"You're still her brother," Billana smiles. "Having children with Dwalin won't change that you know. It will just give you someone _else_ to dote on."

He grins at her and they finish their work quickly. With luck they will be at the Great Smial before sundown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn't want to be written, and Fili and Kili wanted to do lots of very nasty things to Camellia Sackville-Baggins. I wouldn't even have blamed them for it. And now back to geology and tectonic plate movement. Joy.


	79. Tuckborough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We don't want this to be a formal visit, Balin," Fili reminds her father.

Balin disappears out of the smial while Billana and the rest pack away everything that they're taking with them, much to her confusion, only to return an hour later when they're nearly finished. He holds a number of books in his hands, the titles all indicating that they are books of law within the Shire, and he orders Billana, Fili and Kili to put on the least worn clothes they have with them along with their formal braids.

"We don't want this to be a formal visit, Balin," Fili reminds her father.

"As soon as that creature struck my daughter it _became_ a formal visit," Balin replies. "I'm sorry, nathith," he adds in Billana's direction. "I know you wanted to let the matter lie, but you are a princess of Erebor now. You will be queen one day, and if we do nothing it will be seen as a sign of weakness on our part."

"She would only find a way to retaliate," Billana disagrees.

"Oh, I don't think so," Balin looks altogether too smug. "So long as you three can play your parts."

That doesn't fill Billana with a lot of confidence, but Fili and Kili seem to like the plan when it is explained to her. Truthfully, a small part of her would like to get revenge on Camellia Sackville-Baggins, and by extension many of the hobbits who sided with her, but the larger part would rather just go. In matters of political strength, however, she trusts Balin to know what he is doing, even if she overhears a half hissed conversation between Dori and Balin that might have given her reason to doubt him.

The ride to Tuckborough is, thankfully, uneventful. The hobbits evidently prefering to leave the small party to themselves rather than risk a confrontation with the three mages that Billana has protecting her. That doesn't mean that no attention is paid to them. More than one hobbit stops in their task to watch the five as they pass, Fili and Kili's coats have been brushed as clean as possible in the limited amount of time that they have, and Billana has replaced the tunic and trousers she had been intending on wearing with a half dress and light woollen leggings. She wears simple leather armour over the top, although she had argued against bringing it when they left Erebor it now paints her as returning victorious from her travels. All of them are armed, the hilts of the twin blades given to her by the twins visible over her shoulders even as the little blade that Gandalf had presented her with after her near fatal encounter with the trolls is at her hip. Fili and Kili are, as always, visibly armed and she knows that they have as many blades again hidden about their persons. Nori, she thinks, would be thrilled. Her father has even managed to produce two simple crowns and a delicate tiara from somewhere, which Fili and Kili eye with distaste but put on without objection when Balin raises his eyebrows at them.

Her nerves seem to eat at her as they approach the Great Smial and she wants to curl in on herself and make herself as small as she possibly can. The armour doesn't allow that, forcing her to stand straight and tall as the five of them dismount. Balin and Dori step ahead of them, placing Billana in the centre as Fili and Kili follow barely a step behind her. In the Shire, of course, she would have been expected to walk two steps behind her husband unless he offered her his arm, something Bungo had never done for her mother. In Erebor, however, and until Fili becomes king, Billana would be expected to walk a step ahead of her husbands, in deference to the fact that _she_ would be the one to bring the next generation into the world. In the eyes of the dwarves there is no greater battle, and they honour every 'dam for their ability to fight to achieve something that the males of their race cannot. Balin and Dori merely walk ahead as a form of guard, though her father had briefly mourned that Dwalin was not with them since he would have been far more effective in the position.

They part as the group reach the door, which has already been flung open to reveal her Aunt Donnamira. The hobbit matron is already wringing her hands in her apron, although it is displeasure rather than nerves that paints her features.

"It is supper time, master dwarves," she says to them. "Surely whatever business you have here can wait until tomorrow?"

"It certainly would have done," Balin replies coolly, "if not for the incident that occured on my daughter's property this morning."

"Finally crawled out of the woodwork, I see," Donnamira comments coldly after a glance at Billana. "Belladonna always did have strange tastes."

"Balin adopted me, Aunt," Billana corrects. "I've met the one who sired me, but that isn't a discussion we should have on the front step." Donnamira's eyes fall upon her bruised cheek. "May we come in?"

"It's hardly an appropriate time," her aunt objects, and Billana's heart sinks. Most families would object to an unexpected guest, but they would also have room at the table for a few more. Hobbits pride themselves on their hospitality after all.

"Neither my brother nor I believe that there is _ever_ an appropriate time to discuss an assault upon our wife," Fili cuts in, drawing himself up as regally as Thorin has a habit of doing. Billana watches her aunt follow the movement. "Any assault upon her is an attack upon every dwarf who answers to the throne of Erebor and the line of Durin who reign there."

"I hardly think it's that serious," Donnamira objects, although there is now a crowd gathering of hobbits who have abandoned their dinner in order to see what is going on.

"Oh," Balin grins smugly, "perhaps I should perform the introductions," he continues. "Balin, son of Fundin, father of Billana, at your service." He bows, though Billana notices that he neglects to give her family name. "This is Dori, son of Aari. My daughter you know, obviously," the contempt in his voice almost makes Billana shiver, but she draws herself up, feeling the warmth of her husbands at her back. "And her husbands, Fili and Kili, sons of Dis, Morvanli and Suli, and heirs to Thorin II Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain."

Normally, in a situation where a 'dam has taken two husbands a dwarf will introduce themselves with reference only to their mother. Maternal lines are the easiest to trace anyway. In this case, however, Balin is making a point about Billana's marriage, this is his not so subtle way of telling the listening hobbits that even if her relationship is strange by their standards it is perfectly normal and accepted by dwarven society. It doesn't stop the whispers, of course, hobbits like a source of gossip as much as anyone and Billana knows that, no matter what the outcome of Balin's plan is, this will be discussed for years.

"I think you could call yourselves anything you like," Donnamira observes.

"Except they aren't," another cuts in. "I dealt with Balin, son of Fundin almost thirty years ago, he came under the authority of one Thorin Oakenshield, King of Durin's folk." Gerontius Took is far more withered in appearance than he had been when Billana had seen him a little over a year ago. "He made mention of the king's heirs during that visit. No matter the ending of his last visit, I do not believe he would put the good name of his king at risk."

"Hello, Grandfather," Billana says softly. The elderly hobbit turns an icy glare on her.

"Back to cause me more trouble," the elderly hobbit says. "Just like your mother." He looks at her aunt. "Let them in, Donnamira, if Master Balin has gone to all this trouble to gain the attention of every hobbit from here to Hobbiton he must have a good reason. But it is not one we shall discuss here, Billana and her mother have had ample opportunities to render our family a laughing stock as it is, no sense in giving them another chance."

They follow him into the smial, Fili's hand warm at the small of her back as he stays close to her. Being the older of her two husbands he takes precedence over Kili in official situations. Kili had shrugged it off, but she knows that it had hurt him nonetheless.

"Come along, Billana," Donnamira sighs, "let your grandfather handle this, I'm sure they'll get it all straightened out."

"Actually," Fili cuts in before her aunt can attempt to lead her away, "our wife will remain with us."

"I'll be alright, Fili," she assures him, knowing full well that her grandfather will stall for as long as he can if she is present.

"After what happened the last time we took our eyes off you, Kundith," Kili replies, ignoring Balin's glare at the sobriquet, "I don't think either of us want you out of our sight. We trust _you_ completely, but we've already seen that other members of your family don't seem to have your best interests at heart. Until that has been appropriately dealt with, I don't think any of us will be happy to leave you in their care."

"Bring us some refreshments then," Gerontius tells her aunt, "and place our supper to keep warm. Whatever it is they have to complain about, I am certain Billana has blown it all out of proportion again."

"The complaint is not Billana's," Fili sniffs. "Had we allowed her to deal with the situation _her_ way, we wouldn't be having this conversation at all." Her grandfather opens his mouth to reply as they all file past him and Kili cuts him off.

"Had she allowed my brother to handle the situation _his_ way we wouldn't be having it either," the dark mage says. "We would have been instructing you to organise a funeral."

"We still might be," Dori adds quietly.

Her grandfather shuts the door once the five of them have filed in, Fili directs her to one of the chairs in front of the large desk while Balin takes the other. For a moment, Billana thinks that the elderly hobbit will object to the arrangements, but he quietens when her father raises a snowy eyebrow at him. This is how they had already agreed to present themselves; Billana as the injured party, by this point there is no missing the large bruise on her cheek, and Balin as her advocate by weight of experience rather than pre-eminence.

"This morning my daughter was accosted by another hobbit-wife," Balin leans back in his chair, fingers steepled in front of his chin. "She threw a few insults at Billana and, when my daughter attempted to defend herself, struck her." His eyes slide towards Fili who has drawn himself upright, his jaw clenched to keep him from cutting in. "She has one of her husbands as a witness, and it is not the first time that they have seen her attacked by this particular individual."

"Camellia Sackville-Baggins approached us on the day we departed," Kili says, "with, according to my brother's account, accusations similar to those made this morning. She did so in front of a market full of witnesses, it would surprise me greatly if you hadn't heard of it."

"I heard it," Gerontius replies. "That you prevented a relative from correcting undesirable behaviour from a child as you kidnapped her from the care of her family."

"She was not in the kind of circumstances we would expect to find any child, and she joined us with the blessing of her guardian, Gandalf the Grey," Fili hisses, "or will you dispute _that_ as well?"

"I would have no dispute with my daughter's declaration of the wizard as guardian for her child," Gerontius sniffs, "if he had _behaved_ as one. Regardless, I was aware that the wizard had taken her away and thought to let the matter rest. Camellia Sackville-Baggins has been occasionally heavy handed with Billana, but I wouldn't say that it is sufficient for this kind of display. I will speak with her son and Otho will ensure that she apologises."

Billana snorts softly. Camellia may well be a widow and subject to the whims of her grown son, but everyone in Hobbiton and Bywater knows that Otho is completely under his mother's thumb. He would never even consider _mentioning_ the idea of an apology to her, let alone require her to make one.

"I'm afraid an apology isn't sufficient under these circumstances," Balin replies with a smirk. "She assaulted the future queen of Erebor, between the three of them they own nearly a fifth of the mountain's wealth. Were they to ask it of him, Thorin Oakenshield would raise up the Arkenstone which unites all seven dwarf kingdoms and march upon the Shire in search of reparations." Not that her grandfather needs to know that neither she, Fili nor Kili would ever make that demand. "Camellia Sackville-Baggins broke dwarf law by attacking, unprovoked, an unarmed opponent, she only made it worse for herself that her victim is only outranked by our king, her husbands and their mother. She broke hobbit law by attempting to correct behaviour, using force I might add, in a hobbit-wife rather than speaking with the husband and allowing him to deal with it in the manner he sees best fit." Her grandfather's face becomes pinched. "By your laws we can demand financial reparations of our choosing. By _our_ laws, we could demand her hand at the very least, although her head is our preference due to her past treatment of our princess. Not to mention it will send a very strong message to all we associate with. The choice is yours, of course, in whether we abide by your laws, or ours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Balin reaching? Why yes, yes he is. But they are a foreign royal family, they have a certain image to uphold, and Erebor has no need of relations with the Shire at this point anyway.


	80. Too Little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wish you had come to me, Billana, I wish you had taken my offer."

Her grandfather leans back in his chair, his face turning white. He _looks_ unwell, Billana realises, as though whatever illness that had plagued him through winter still has not fully left him. He rubs one hand over his face and she knows that he is considering his options. No matter what he chooses, Balin will make demands which will show that whether it is within dwarf law, hobbit law or the laws of Men, the people of Erebor have reclaimed their seat of power. Camellia Sackville-Baggins stands to lose a great deal this day.

"I could not persuade you to relent on this?" He asks. "You will be gone in a few days, back to your mountain and the matter can be forgotten with little more than a word in Otho's ear for him to better control his mother."

"An offer we have already rejected," Fili scoffs.

"Everyone in Hobbiton knows that Camellia has all the control in that family," Billana tells her grandfather. "And you do as well."

"Yes, I know it," he huffs. "You seem to have been brought into this world to make my life difficult, girl." Billana resists the urge to shrink back from the tone, too familiar with it after a lifetime of hearing it from him. "You must think me a fool if you believe that I don't know that you intend to make Camellia Sackville-Baggins' life very difficult."

"No more than she deserves after everything she has said and done," Kili observes. "One day your granddaughter will be queen of Erebor. You should be proud of that."

"It will make little difference to us," Gerontius sighs. "Erebor is not near enough to be a useful trading partner, I know as much from the stories you told on your last visit, Balin. And now you ask me to choose how better to ruin the life of another hobbit."

"A small price for her to pay," Balin observes, "given how close she came to ruining my daughter's."

"Name your price," her grandfather grinds out after a moment. "So long as it does not involve loss of life or limb, you may take from the immediate blood of Camellia Sackville-Baggins whatever you choose."

"I trust you will be able to provide a list of assets?" Balin asks.

"It will take a number of weeks to complile anything accurate, but I could have them sent to you," Gerontius seems to relax a little bit and Billana knows that he believes he has the upper hand now.

"That won't be necessary," Balin waves a hand. "Am I correct in thinking that they own the home Billana grew up in?"

"Yes," her grandfather replies slowly.

"Then we will have that," Balin declares. "They are to vacate immediately, if they're not gone tomorrow we will remove them."

"You will need more than the five of you to do that," the elderly hobbit smirks.

"Three of us are highly trained mages," her father shrugs. "I don't think it will take more than that at all."

"You would leave them homeless!" Gerontius argues.

"Aye, well, I'm sure my daughter wouldn't mind allowing them to take her old smial," Balin replies, apparently waiting for something.

"I wouldn't house livestock in that," her grandfather replies.

"You thought it was alright for me," Billana says quietly, feeling Fili's hand tighten on her shoulder.

"It's that, or her hand," Kili says firmly.

Billana has only a vague idea what she will do with the smial once it is hers, though she is sure that she will be able to find a family large enough to fill it and in need enough of a larger place to live. Part of her hates the thought of further antagonising Camellia this way. She has learnt from the quest that leaving an enemy behind them is the kind of mistake that will come back to haunt them. Then again, she will be so far away from the Shire in a few weeks that there will be nothing that the other hobbit can do to hurt her, or her husbands.

"But what in Vána's name will you _do_ with it?" Gerontius demands. "You will be in Erebor!"

"Sell it," Billana tells him after a moment of thought. "The money from it will go into a fund for other children like me who are either unknown to or unacknowledged by their sires. I don't want another child struggling as they grow up because their parents were indiscrete. Bag End is a highly desireable property, Bungo talked about selling it before he threw me from the smial and to the mercy of the wolves. He didn't want Bag End, he didn't want my mother and he certainly didn't want me. He wanted the money you gave him and the money that Bag End would give him once my mother and I were out of the way." She hasn't told anyone about the conversation she had overheard between Camellia and Bungo in the days between her mother's death and Edelard's departure. "They hadn't planned on Gandalf turning up and getting involved in my life. I'm not even entirely convinced that Otho is Longo's son," she finishes. "Why else would Bungo have left everything to Camellia and Otho?"

They are silent for a moment, something that is only broken by a rapid knock on the office door.

"Come!" Gerontius snaps.

Her aunt Donnamira enters, with a number of the younger hobbit girls who also live with their families in the Great Smial. They bring with them several jugs of fresh fruit juice, platters of bread, cheese and cold meats, dishes of chutneys and preserves, plates and cutlery. Just the sight of the food makes Billana's mouth water, it has been a long time since lunch and longer still since she had more than the rations they carry for the road.

"You need to eat, father," she says firmly, "and it is rude to keep guests from a meal as well."

"Do not lecture me, Donnamira," comes the grumbled reply.

"You haven't fully recovered from your illness this winter!" Billana's aunt snaps. "I have not spent seven months nursing you back to health for you to work yourself into your grave."

"Know your place," the elderly hobbit says. Billana almost expects her to cower as her sister would have done, but Donnamira's chin raises.

"My place is with my husband," she reminds her father. "I am here because you asked for me to nurse you, which means that for once in your life it would be best for you to do as I say." She looks at the dwarves. "My apologies," she tells them, her eyes shifting over each until they fall on Billana. "Billana, would you join me for a few moments?" There was an almost pleading expression on her aunt's face and she looked at her husbands for just a moment before nodding.

"I'll be fine," she tells them when Kili makea a move to join her.

"If you hurt her-" Kili warns her aunt.

"I wouldn't dare," Donnamira replies. "Come along, dear," she wraps an arm around Billana's shoulders, leading her from her grandfather's study and into a small sitting room. There is already a pot of tea in the room, along with a small spread of the same food that her aunt had brought for everyone else. "Eat up," she orders gently, "I wouldn't want them to think I've deprived you of a meal."

"Thank you," Billana sighs, helping herself to a portion and then waiting to see what her aunt has to say. Donnamira's eyes, however, have been caught by the ring Billana wears.

"What are the engravings?" She asks, after taking Billana's hand so that she can look at it.

"Our personal symbol," Billana replies. "My initials and theirs. It can be found on a lot of our clothing too."

A strange dwarf convention, but one that Billana quite likes seeing. The more clothing they have that has their personal mark on, after all, the fewer dwarves who haven't noticed the marriage braids that the three of them sport bother to approach. Donnamira looks at her in concern.

"You _are_ happy?" She asks. "They didn't force you into it? Your dwarf father didn't decide to-"

"No." Billana cut in quickly. "No, dwarves don't do that. Choice is everything to them, once they've fallen in love that's it. They can't find someone else, or even _be_ with someone else. Balin isn't like Grandfather."

"I am sorry, then, that you lacked a mother's guidance on your wedding night," Donnamira sighs. "I know that the first time can be an unnerving experience."

Billana's eyes go a little wide. As awkward as the whole thing had been, she had been given time, even unintentional as it was, to grow accustomed to her husbands and the way that they desired her, and she them. Had she been courting them under the noses of her grandfather and aunt, she suspects that she would have found that first night with them on the day she came of age unnerving. In fact, that more than likely _would_ have been her wedding night. She probably would have been forced to endure an awkward conversation with her aunt about what to expect from one husband, for they never would have entertained the idea of two let alone that dwarves allow for it, much as she is now going to endure such a conversation if only to keep the peace.

"It didn't matter, aunt," she says after a moment of searching for the words. "Mama gave me some idea of what to expect, and Fili and Kili were very kind and gentle and understanding. They gave me all the time I needed." A blush flares on Donnamira's cheeks as the meaning of Billana's words sink in. "And I had Nori too. She's Dori's sister and she was travelling with us."

"I was under the impression that all the dwarves you left with were male," her aunt says softly, though there is something stiff in her tone.

"It's not easy to tell the difference," Billana admits. "But I can tell you that Nori is definitely female and she helped me to understand a lot. Including that my position as wife doesn't make me a slave to the whims and wishes of my husbands, something they have been quick to repeat any on numerous occasions. Which is the reason we came to the Shire in the first place, even though they objected to it. Would a hobbit husband have done the same?" She asks.

"No," Donnamira replies. "Certainly the one my father had chosen for you would not have." She sighs. "I wish you had come to me, Billana, I wish you had taken my offer."

"What offer?" Billana demands. "Aunt, you never made me _any_ kind of offer, certainly not one that would have given me the impression that I could come to you for anything."

"When my sister died I went to Bungo and told him that we would happily take you in," Donnamira replies in shock, "I made the promise to your mother before she ever married him and I intended to keep it. He told me you had run away. I should have questioned it, but he told me that it had been days before and with the wolves and the blizzards we had no hope that you would have survived. I made the same offer to my father when you ran from Camellia." She takes Billana's hand again, the food abandoned. "He came back and told me that you had rejected the offer. I went to ask you myself, but you were already gone and father told me you had been so enraged by the offer that he felt it would be unwise of me to approach you. He felt that bringing you into a home with my children would only cause them harm." Billana stares at her in silent horror. "Your mother's actions cost him a lot, they affected all of us because if her father and brothers had so little control over her and her morals were so loose, what did it say about Mirabella and I? What did it say about his ability as Thain if he couldn't control his own daughter? And that is no excuse for how he treated you, or how he pushed you away, and it certainly isn't an excuse for sending you to live alone in that dilapidated smial, but it is who he is."

"You're right, Aunt," Billana says coldly, "that isn't an excuse. I was frightened and grieving, but I'm not frightened now. And all of this is too little too late. I needed you then, I was a scared, grieving _child_ and I _needed_ you! You can't hide behind grandfather!"

"I know," Donnamira whispers. "And I deserve all of your anger. I didn't just ask you to come back because my father is dying, Billana, and after everything I'm surprised that you did." She pulls a letter, the edges yellowed slightly with age, from the pocket of her apron. "Isengrim and I found this in the safe, when we truly thought that father would not survive the night. Your uncle wanted to burn it, you were gone and it would do no good. I hoped you would come back one day."

She hands the letter to the younger hobbit, Billana's name is written on the envelope in her mother's hurried scrawl. Billana accepts it with shaking fingers.

"I will leave you to your letter, and tell your dwarves where to find you," Donnamira says and leaves before Billana can reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, truth be told I meant to put this up last night. But between studying, kids, writing with Jimiel and playing DnD for the first time (no idea how it took so long, that's just the way that my life is I guess) it slipped my mind.
> 
> Stay safe, everyone.


	81. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My dearest daughter

Billana doesn't hear her aunt leave, or notice that she closes the door behind her. Her attention is wholy locked on the letter in her hands, the one that she would not have known about save for her mother's letter to Pallando and that she had given up hope of seeing, fearing that her grandfather had already destroyed it. The day has been full of eye opening revelations, too full, and she isn't sure that she can face reading the letter. She has already learnt that her grandfather, who she thought loved and cared about her, is not the hobbit she had believed him to be. He has cared for her only as much as salvaging his family's reputation would allow. Tooks have always been wild and mischevious. But that doesn't mean that they will bring their family name into disrepute.

Perhaps that is why two of her uncles vanished, not because they went on an adventure and perished. Perhaps they vanished because they either couldn't face coming back to a Shire where they, too, would be looked upon a something shameful. Perhaps her grandfather had managed to prevent their return in a way he had failed to that of his daughter since she returned escorted by elves, and maybe he had hoped to manage her in such a way had it not been for her husbands, father and Dori.

It is a dark train of thought, and one that she doesn't wish to indulge in. It is also a thought process that she knows will not lend itself to reading her mother's words and seeing the reasons that will feel like thin excuses in light of the day that she has just gone through.

She is relieved, therefore, when the door opens and Fili strides in. He looks at her for a long moment, apparently able to read her turmoil with more clarity than she had thought, because he crosses to room to take her in his arms, not bothering to close the door against the prying eyes of any passing hobbit.

"You are unharmed?" He asks softly. "I swear, Kitten, if she has hurt you in _any_ way-"

"I'm fine, Fili," she breathes. "It's been a long day and I've learnt some things that I wasn't ready to. That's all." She presses closer to him anyway, filling her nose with his scent as his arms tighten. "Where's Kili?" She asks after a moment.

"With Balin and Dori going over final details with the _Thain_ ," Fili spits her grandfather's title as though it is something vile, and to him it very likely is. She's beginning to feel that way about it as well. "Do you want me to send him out?" He asks her, though she can tell from the way that he holds her that he has no desire at all to leave her alone, one hand smoothing through her curls in a way that he has long learnt brings her comfort.

"Yes," she whispers, but tightens her grip on him when Fili begins to pull away. "No," She groans. "I don't want you to leave me either. Let's just go back."

"You're sure?" Fili whispers, his head turning slightly at the sound of giggles from the door.

Billana follows his gaze and her eyes fall on four tween lasses clustered in there, their cheeks slightly pink and their expressions infatuated and longing.

"Your husband is very handsome, Cousin," one of the girls comments and Billana blinks in surprise. "Rosa Boffin," she adds with a slight bob.

"Pleased to meet you," Billana replies a little weakly. She had know she had cousins, with as many siblings as her mother had it would have been almost impossible for her not to have at least one. She has never met them though, or at least not in recent years. Her mother had been the midwife to both her sisters and the wives of her brothers and had regularly taken Billana with her. "And I thank you," she adds belatedly when she sees the attention of the girls is still on Fili, who is looking at them with a mix of curiosity and discomfort. "They _both_ are. I've been very lucky."

"We should return," Fili says softly. Billana nods.

"It was nice to see you again, Rosa," she says to the tween as both she and Fili pass. He has her hand gripped tightly in his as they make their way back to her grandfather's study. "Wait," she says as he puts his hand on the door. "Look after this for me? Please?" She presses the letter that her mother had written into his hand. "I can't face reading it now."

He nods, tucking it carefully into his pocket.

"Ready?" He asks and she takes a breath.

"As I'll ever be," she replies.

Fili pushes the door open and the two of them go in together. Isengrim has joined the others while Billana had been gone and his expression is carefully neutral as Kili makes a case for the all of the furniture in Bag End being taken along with the property itself.

"If she has nowhere to live, she has no need of the furnishings," Kili argues. "There is no need to allow her time to empty the place."

"We are not negotiating on this," Billana cuts in, her conversation with her aunt having opened her eyes to how little her grandfather really cares about her. She is tired and she wants to curl up with her husbands and rest, if she can face a dragon and orcs and goblins she can stand her ground here. "The smial is mine, it's contents are mine."

"Know you _place_ ," her grandfather snaps once more.

"I do," Billana replies as Kili gives her a proud smile and Fili's hand grips hers that little bit tighter. "I speak now as a princess of Erebor and the injured party. We take the smial and everything it contains, or we take Camellia Sackville-Baggins' head."

She wills her breathing to stay even, wills the tremor from her voice and hopes that her uncle and grandfather cannot see her shake. There is a heat in Kili's eyes as he looks at her that makes her knees go a little bit weak. She draws herself up a little taller, not missing her father's approving smile and it makes her words feel all the more true. She _is_ a princess of Erebor. If Dis continues to refuse to return after they have visited with her she will be the _only_ princess of Erebor. She needs to grow accustomed to not only the title, but the power and expectations that come with it.

"Father," Isengrim mutters. "It would be wiser to allow them to have their way. They are returning to the Blue Mountains, we do not wish to give them cause to revise their terms of trade with us. Camellia Sackville-Baggins has been an embarrassment to her son for years, and she was an embarrassment to her husband for decades before that. Give the dwarves what they want and have done with it."

"They haven't even _attempted_ to take her side of the story," Fili murmurs.

"What difference would it make to them?" Billana whispers back. "They want this over as much as I do."

"I will have the paperwork drawn up," her grandfather's voice prevents further comment from Fili, "and in the morning I will send the shiriffs to ensure that she is evicted." He glances at the window, and his expression pulls, if possible, into an even more disapproving one.

"I believe Donnamira has been able to make up two of the spare bedrooms, father," her uncle says. "It would not do to send them back out there now. Our neighbours have never been the most discrete." Gerontius waves his hand and Isengrim moves away from the desk with a sigh. "I will show you to the rooms. I trust you will not think of us as poor hosts if we leave you to retire. There is much to be done in order to ready the documents you will need to turn Camellia Sackville-Baggins from Bag End. Truth to tell, I wonder that it hasn't already been attempted, Vána knows she's had it coming since before she inherited the place." He takes a long look at Billana. "I'm glad you did not make the mistake of returning unmarried," he says to her. "As strange as your marriage is, it's reassuring that you've found a place to fit. You're far more fortunate than your mother was in that. I always wondered why she insisted on refusing the wizard's help to find your sire."

"We're just as glad she didn't," Kili cuts in, although his tone and expression speak volumes about both Belladonna and Billana's treatment at the hands of those they should have been able to call family.

She is disappointed that her uncle doesn't appear even the slightest bit uncomfortable, but she knows she shouldn't have expected him to either. Dwarf society is not like hobbit society. In fact the few stops that they have made in the towns of Men during their journeys show that hobbits and Men have far more in common than her people do with elves or dwarves. It saddens her to know that the other females of her race may never know the same joys and freedoms that she has come to understand are perfectly normal for dwarrowdams. Sometimes she can hardly believe how timid she must have appeared to the dwarves when they arrived in her home. Other times she knows that, compared to many hobbit lasses, she could have been considered bold and outspoken.

"Dori and I will take this room," Balin tells them when they hesitate. "Tomorrow will be a long day, I suggest you all rest." Billana flushes hotly at the implication that they would do anything other than sleep, though she suspects that Kili, at least, has other plans.

"We'll see you at breakfast," she assures him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before doing the same to Dori. "Goodnight, Adad, Dori," she whispers before allowing herself to be dragged into the second bedroom by Kili.

The dark mages lips are on hers in an instant, his hands tangling in her hair as he seems to devour her.

"Do you know how magnificent you were?" He asks. "Do you have any idea what seeing you stand before your family as a true princess _did_ to me?"

"Us," Fili corrects. "If this wasn't your grandfather's house-" he breathes. "If we didn't have an early start-"

She's tempted, she doesn't even try to deny it at this point. It has been too long since she has been able to truly enjoy the touch of her husbands. At the same time, however, she is certain that she will need her wits about her in the morning. Kili knows it as soon as her posture changes, and while his face shows his disappointment he still doesn't push as she knows that a hobbit husband would have. She doesn't even need to tell him _why_ , he just leads her to the bed and the three of them pile in together once boots and outerwear have been removed. It isn't really big enough for the three of them, but they have grown so accustomed to lying next to one another at night that Billana doubts she could sleep without them anyway. It makes her mind turn to the letter her mother left her. It could wait, she knows, but at the same time she suspects that if she doesn't read it now, she never will.

Fili hands the letter to her, as though he has read her mind and knows exactly what it is that she is considering doing in that moment.

She accepts the letter gratefully, leaning against both of them as she opens it with hands that shake. Kili presses his head to hers in silent support as she reads the first two lines in silence, neither of them asking her to share the words that her mother left for her and it feels wrong, in it's own way, to keep this from them when she has shared so much of the rest of herself with them. This, like many of the other secrets she has trusted them with, feels like something they _should_ know.

So she begins to read.

_"My dearest daughter_ _, by the time you read this you will be of age. I am sorry that I have not managed to survive to see that day, just as I am sorry to have left you alone to face my husband and his lover. My only hope is that Gandalf will take his duty as your guardian as seriously as he ought and remove you from the Shire, though if you are reading this I fear he has not._

_Perhaps, had I been more prepared to become a mother and less aware of my duty to our people, I would have insisted that your father remain at my side. Perhaps I would have accepted Lord Elrond's offer of a home in Rivendell while I waited for him. But I had been sent to the Hidden Valley for a reason, and even though my status had changed my duty as a healer had not. It was then, and still is, down to me to provide the healing that cannot be given by others without my gift._

_I have no excuses, I was not ignorant to the potential reception that awaited us at the hands of my family. It had been my hope that I would be able to convince my father that I had been married before your conception. I don't know whether he believed me, or if he realised that it had been the foolish actions of a lonely hobbit lass which created you. Either way, husband or no, he decided that I would have to be married, he gave your sire six months to appear and when he did not the results of my father's search were placed before me. Bungo Baggins was the only one who agreed to have me and I knew that appeasing my father instead of causing a deeper rift had been a mistake on my wedding night. By then, however, it was too late and there was nothing I could do to break the arrangement without putting you in greater danger. **I** could have left, but under the terms of our marriage, he became your father and I would have been forced to leave you behind. _

_I knew that your sire would eventually remember us and, fearing Bungo's reaction should he appear at our door, I wrote to tell him not to come. Bungo would not have let either of us leave, he had no love for us but such a breach would mean that he would have to return the money he had been given by my father. In a perverse way, writing a clause into the marriage contract that would force Bungo to keep me as his wife and_ **_not_** _cast me out was the only thing that has kept a roof over our heads._

_I swore to your father that, should he not return to us, I would not tell you his identity until you were of age. We both feared that, should he fail to return, you would go looking for him. As an adult, that decision is yours and I hope that if you do find him or discover his fate it brings you peace. As a child, however, your safety is of infinitely greater importance and while the Shire may not be kind to you, it is still a place of safety when compared to the wild places beyond it's borders._

_Your father, my dear child, is named Pallando and, like Gandalf, he is a servant of the Valar, a wizard sent here to do Their work. Gandalf will know the direction he took, with luck he will know where to find him. I only hope, whatever you decide to do, you find joy."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn't want to stop. At this rate I'm going to be in triple digits before I finish....


	82. Eviction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Break it all up," Billana tells him in a moment of vindictiveness.

Unsurprisingly, Billana's face shows clear evidence of her reaction to her mother's letter the following day, her eyes rimmed with the darkness which speaks of a sleepless night. Her mother's foolish naivety had haunted Billana throughout her life, the implicit hope that years of helping Belladonna raise her daughter would make Bungo love her had been obvious to Billana between every line of the letter. Obvious, perhaps, because she had spent much of her childhood wondering _why_ Bungo refused to care for or about her. Now, with her mother's blatant implication that Bungo had a lover before he married Belladonna, Billana has forced herself to consider it a little bit more.

She knows a little about the Baggins side of the family, likely much more than they would wish her to all things considered. She knows that when her mother and Bungo married, Bungo's father was dying. As the eldest, Bungo was the heir, but his father had wanted to make sure that he was married so that he could be assured that there would be no question of the inheritance later. Camellia would not have been of age until three years after her mother and Bungo married. There was more to it than that, however, because in the end Bungo could have married _any_ hobbit lass whose father was willing to allow it. The Baggins family money was running out. The problem with large families, of course, was that every child had to be provided for in some way. Whether that was through the provision of a smial, or farmland or even a legacy of a certain amount of money, provisions were expected to be made. While the Baggins family was not, as a rule, in true danger of poverty, they were not as good as some of the other families at recognising a lucrative marriage when it appeared on the horizon. Daughters with no brothers would often become the sole inheritors of their father's property upon their passing, but the Baggins family had a history of overlooking those poorer families who might only bring a small dowery and rundown farm with them upon the passing of their father. Besides, all too often a father would leave his legacy to a cousin rather than his daughter. Sometimes those small properties would be sold off sometimes they were simply leased to other families.

Which was why Bungo had wanted a wife with a good dowry. The Baggins branches would, without fail, result in children in every marriage. They were famed for it and rarely less than three children as a result of each union. Sometimes a property would make its way back to them, but more often than not it vanished into the hands of any number of other families, never to be traced back to a Baggins again. Bungo had intended to buy _more_ properties with the money from Belladonna's dowry. In fact, by the time her mother died he had managed to almost reverse the Baggins losses of the last generation entirely. If he had kept better control over Camellia and her bitterness, perhaps it would have all _remained_ with the Bagginses.

They discover that morning as they depart, however, that when Kili had insisted on all property that had belonged with Bag End be transferred to Billana, that had included those houses and farms that went with the deeds to the smial. Bungo had tied it all together to prevent it being separated upon his death. Even if Billana had not returned from Erebor a princess and obscenely wealthy, this would have been enough to set her and many generations of children up. Not only will she be putting Bag End on the market, her uncle informs her as they return to Hobbiton, she will also be selling off all of the other smaller properties that go with it.

"Break it all up," Billana tells him in a moment of vindictiveness. "I don't care if it all gets bought by the same hobbit, break it all up and sell it off piece by piece."

"Bungo spent _years_ bringing it all together," Isengrim objects. "It would destroy his legacy!"

"So destroy it," Billana shrugs. "What does his legacy matter to me anyway? He was cruel and cold. He tormented my mother and I and blamed us for all the things that he couldn't have. I rejected his name, now I'm rejecting his legacy too."

"You have grown hard," Isengrim observes, "prehaps it is for the best that these dwarves were willing to take you."

"I prefer to think it a gift from our Maker that she was willing to have _us,"_ Fili interjects.

"And yet, she is not with child," Isengrim replies. "Many hobbit husbands would be concerned if their wife had not begun to show by the middle of their first year of marriage."

"I suspect your 'dams aren't given the _choice_ ," Kili snaps. "We make sure that ours have a say in when they fall with child."

"Unnatural," Isengrim sneers. "We had one of your dwarf healers come through a few years ago with his charms. Children are Vána's gift to us and it is not for us to decide when She presents them to us."

"A shame you weren't of that opinion when I was born, Uncle," Billana mumbles and Isengrim flushes. "After all, my sire was a servant of Her husband."

The matter of Pallando's identity hadn't been discussed with her grandfather, Billana had been too tired by the time the problems caused by Camellia had been resolved to _want_ to bring it up and Gerontius had not emerged that morning, pleading fatigue from his lingering illness. Billana would have liked to say goodbye to him, but the message had been clear. Her grandfather was done with her and had no intention of giving her something as simple as even a goodbye. It should have hurt, she knew, but the reality of it all had ceased to be a surprise after spending the night thinking back on her life in the Shire.

"You found him, then?" Her uncle asks in surprise.

"Not that I was looking," Billana replies, "and he certainly wasn't looking for me. Mother gave him the impression that we were well taken care of and that he had no need to come for us." Isengrim looks away. "Which we weren't, but that's what lasses here are raised to expect, isn't it, Uncle?" She challenges.

"Otherwise they end up disobedient like you," Isengrim replies, "or crude like Camellia Sackville-Baggins."

"Better disobedient and loved than obedient and beaten," Balin cuts in. "And you can tell yourself anything you like, and my daughter can pretend it didn't happen, but I've seen it enough in the towns of Men to recognise it here. She hid it well, when we met her I almost assumed that she had fallen on hard times, but there are little tells that began to make more sense as our time together continued. You should be ashamed of what was done to them, not telling Billana that she isn't good enough."

"Adad," Billana whispers and Balin subsides.

It is midmorning when they arrive outside Bag End, having left before the sun had come up, and they have drawn a crowd with them. It isn't often, after all, that the future Thain comes into town with four mounted dwarves, a hobbit lass that most of the village had written off as too strange to deal with, and all of the area's bounders. Something, they all whispered, of great importance was happening and since most of them had heard Camellia Sackville-Baggins shrieking about her treatment at the hands of Billana and her dwarves, the whispers say, it _must_ be something to do with that.

It is her uncle who goes to the door, banging on it and waiting impatiently with the documents of seizure and eviction in his hands. He holds them in a manner similar to the way one might hold a poisonous snake and Billana understands why. Camellia Sackville-Baggins is not a hobbit to be taken lightly. It is, perhaps, fortunate that the door is opened by Otho Sackville-Baggins, who looks rather resigned when he sees the large crowd and Isengrim stood on the front step.

"My mother is not here," he sighs.

"A pity," Isengrim replies, "but this can be done without her for the moment and probably for the better."

He hands the other hobbit the papers and Billana sees him go paler and paler until he has all but collapsed in the door with shaking hands.

"Princess of Erebor?" He questions after a moment. "Bad enough my mother took it upon herself to chastise another's wife, it had to be a princess of some dwarven kingdom?"

"Yes, my sister's daughter has moved up in the world, Otho. Your mother finally went a step too far."

"But-" Otho slides further down. " _Everything_?"

"Her husbands wanted the hand your mother used to strike their wife at the very least," Isengrim replies, "they were more inclined towards taking her head. This was the best we could do for you both."

"The best you could-" Otho squeaks. "They've left me with _nothing_! What am I-"

"What is this?" Billana turns on her pony, taking a sharp breath as she sees Camellia elbowing her way through the crowd. Since she and the dwarves are still mounted it places her in prime position to be spotted by the other hobbit. " _You_!" Camellia shrieks. "Have you no shame? Sitting up there, lording over us instead of hiding your face like the whore you are!" She pushes her way through the crowd towards Billana as the bounders, who had gone to the end of the path to intercept Camellia, struggle through them to try and stop the hobbit before she can do something that might provoke a harsher response.

"Come one step closer to my wife," Kili says as he pulls his pony in front of Billana's, "and the Kingdom of Erebor will exact their own punishment rather than abide by your laws." He has his sword in his hand and there is no way that anyone can mistake his meaning. "She stayed my brother's hand yesterday, she will not stay mine today." A hush falls over the crowd, those keeping the bounders away in the hopes of something truly gossip worthy part to let them through. "Your Thain issued the order for your eviction and the seizure of your son's property in payment for your actions against Billana, daughter of Balin son of Fundin, future queen of Durin's folk, just a moment ago. Your actions have cost your family everything. Will you add your _life_ to the total?"

Billana could not stop Kili from killing Camellia if she tried, she knows, and in truth she isn't sure that she _wants_ to try. The words uttered by the older hobbit are nothing new, they are words that were levelled at Belladonna and they were directed at Billana more than once throughout even her childhood. Listening to them now Billana wonders why she bothered to stop Fili from killing her lifelong tormentor the day before. Camellia will not learn, Billana isn't even sure that she _can_ learn, and so it is lucky that the bounders finally manage to take hold of her in the moment of silence that falls before the other hobbit screeches and begins to claw at them.

"Take her to sanitorium," Isengrim orders the ones who hold the matron. "I think, perhaps, it is time she was properly examined, treated and managed. Otho, I need you to sign here, hand me the keys to the smial and the deeds. You will have time to pack a single bag of clothing for yourself and one for your mother. When the bounders return you will escorted to the residence that the princess has kindly donated for you."

For a moment Billana thinks that Otho will object but then, as she had known it would, his natural cowardice asserts itself and he hands the keys over without another word, disappearing into the smial. Besides, with his mother in the sanitorium it would only take a suggestion that he has inherited the same unsoundness of mind for him to follow her. He is in for a few very difficult years.

"Will you watch to make sure he doesn't take anything?" Isengrim asks.

"I'm not one to enjoy watching the misfortunes of others, uncle," Billana replies. "And the crime was Camellia's, not his. I won't humiliate him further and our departure is long overdue."

"We are wintering in Ered Luin," Balin instructs, "and will be returning east in the spring. We will pass through then to ensure that my daughter's instructions for her new property have been carried out." Her uncle bows stiffly.

"Good journey to you," he says, and everything about his tone says that he would rather they were gone two days ago.

It is a hint that they take, urging the ponies away from the crowds and along roads that Billana finds that she hasn't missed and feels little desire to see again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got a little bit distracted, not just by playing the Jimiel's sandbox, which is a fun place to play, but also by the fact that I am actually doing _physics_!! So much of this module I've been going has been focused on every other scientific discipline with only a passing look at the actual physics that I wanted to do that I'd started to despair of it actually happening. Because I'm weird like that. Also, DnD is a blackhole that I've been sucked into. Just so we're clear on that.


	83. Ered Luin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip to Belegost in the Blue Mountains takes a little bit over three weeks

The trip to Belegost in the Blue Mountains takes a little bit over three weeks and the further behind them the Shire gets, the more Billana relaxes. Had she been told two years ago that one day she would leave and be glad to see the back of the place she would never have believed it. Even when she had been in Erebor after the battle a small part of her had longed to see the land of her birth once more. Now, however, that she has been and seen the truth of her circumstances which had always danced just in front of her eyes she wonders at her innocence and naivety. She wonders how she could still be so very innocent and naive with everything that she has experienced in her life. She knows that her dwarves wonder at it too, just as she knows that they are also very glad of it.

While Billana has reason to relax, however, she also notices how her husbands begin to grow tense and concerned. Instincts, created by too many years of being blamed for everything that has ever gone wrong in the home she grew up in has her, initially lead her to believe that _she_ is the root of that concern. They make her worry and fret that their concern is what their mother will think of their choice of wife, that Lady Dis will dislike her because she is a hobbit rather than the proper choice of a dwarrowdam. That fear is, thankfully, shortlived and instead she internally berates herself for assuming that _she_ is the cause of the problem when, of course, their concern is for their mother. Although they had sent a message upon their departure advising Dis that they would be coming to see her, and her husbands had told their mother that it was with the express purpose of introducing her to their wife, they have had no reply althought the raven had been waiting for them in Rivendell to assure them that the message had been delivered and acknowledged.

Dis, Billana knows, has been grieving the loss of her husbands for the last thirty years and while dwaves are unlikely to simply fade away as bereaved elves might, they tend instead towards more destructive behaviours.

They ride into the city quietly and with little fanfare save for the guard who is dispatched to advise Dis of their arrival. While they ride Billana takes the opportunity to look around. In comparison to some of the Mannish towns that she has seen and been in since the beginning of the quest, this place has signs of greater wealth, though she knows that there is some poverty here as there is almost everywhere. When compared to all the signs of what Erebor once was, and will hopefully one day be again, Belegost is a hovel. The realisation is shocking. Had she come here first she would have wondered why they wanted to leave, though she knows that the mines are beginning to run dry Balin had explained that there were places they could survey and expand into which were suitably stable. There is, in truth, some competition for resources, and the signs of poverty that she had notice, but even in Erebor these factors will have once held true and will continue to do so. Still, she understands the desire for home, and though the city is still busy with the bustling figures of dwarves, there are signs of buildings that have been left empty in the past months. Stores that have closed have faded notices in the windows, carefully written to explain that the family have relocated to Erebor with instructions of which landlord to contact if there is any interest in renting the property.

She sees items of furniture being moved from buildings, strapped to wagons piled high with various different items, others with trunks packed and strapped down, barrels of food and ale. It is one thing to prepare a small group for a trip that they intend to come back from, it is another entirely to up and move across the world. There were plenty of dwarves here, she could see, who would not be able to afford to make the move even if they sold every belonging that they had. It was not so much the initial outlay, many of the families would be walking and sharing a wagon to carry their belongings. A journey to somewhere as far as Erebor, however, would require multiple stops to buy food and money to live on while they were establishing themselves upon arrival in the mountain.

When they reach the part of the city known as Thorin's Halls, Billana looks at them with no small amount of apprehension. She is not worried for herself. She has spent much of her life being looked down upon and disliked for one thing or another. It would hurt if Lady Dis were to decide she didn't like the young hobbit, and Billana knew that it would make things difficult for Fili and Kili too, but she would live with it. With that resolution in mind, she dismounted and walked into the building, quickly realising that she would likely spend a great deal of time lost in this place over the coming days. Fili and Kili were on either side of her, as always, her hands gripped in theirs and she could _feel_ the tension in them. Guards bowed as they passed them, though some seemed surprised to see the princes had returned to Belegost. No one tried to stop them, however, and Billana looked at the halls as they walked through them.

They were nothing like as opulent as the ruins of Erebor, but she hadn't expected them to be either. Fili and Kili were not poor growing up, she knows that by the quality of their clothes and weapons, but they were also expected to earn their own way after a certain age. Given what she knows of her own people, she had assumed that meant that they were moderately well off, but this place gives her cause to rethink that. This place puts the understated wealth in the Great Smials to shame. There are, as she knows it the way with dwarves, mathoms everywhere. Bright creations of metal and gem stones that gleam in the mage lights which line the corridors. Some, however, show signs of use. Swords and axes and even the odd mattock. These belonged to someone, she realises, and when Fili and Kili pause in front of a pair of crossed swords, a bow and an axe before bowing respectfully she understands. These belong to family members and friends who have passed before them.

"We do not have our fathers' stone," Fili explains softly, "that was taken from us by the manner of their death, but these were retrieved and stand in their memory."

Billana looks at them silently for a moment, seeing much of her husbands in the weapons that are before her. That they value the skills of their fathers is evidence and she finds herself loving them that much more for it. They honour their family and ancestors, but they are not controlled or ruled by them and that is a comfort. She inclines her head to the memory, long enough to show respect and then they all move on.

The door they turn to is guarded, the dwarf stood there stares at them impassively with one braided eyebrow raised. This is the first female dwarf, aside from Nori, that Billana has met and she hopes that her friend has not led her astray when it comes to identifying the differences at a glance.

"Hillevi," Fili greets her with a nod.

"Fili," the dwarrowdam replies in a rich voice which leaves no doubt as to her gender. "Finally dragged yourselves back from the mountain, I see."

"How is she?" Fili asks, his hand hovering over the handle.

"Better today than yesterday, worse than the day before," the 'dam shrugs. "The same as she has been the last twenty or so years." There is a moment when the 'dam's cool facade breaks and she smiles softly at both Fili and Kili. "It is _good_ to see you both back, my lads," she adds, taking a moment rest her hand on first Fili and then Kili's shoulder.

"It's good to see you too, Hillevi," Kili smiles at her then nods to his brother.

They draw themselves up and open the door, striding into the room with the kind of quick and eager steps that Billana usually sees coming _towards_ her rather than away. They enter an office, Balin and Dori trailing behind, and at the large desk which dominates the side opposite the door sits a stately dwarrowdam. Her beard is short and as dark as Kili and Thorin's and her blue eyes glitter as they move over the parchment that she holds in front of her as she reads. She doesn't slouch, as Thorin is wont to do when he reads through official matters, rather she sits proud and tall, her brow furrowed lightly as she reads. Unlike Nori, who likes to braid her eyebrows up into her hair, this 'dam has them tightly braided to the side, weaving them seamlessly into a pair of braids which are used to keep her dark hair, though it is streaked through with grey, from her face. Her smile is brilliant when she sees her sons, the parchment and all other work forgotten as she gets to her feet and strides around the desk to meet them, sweeping them into her arms and crushing them to her.

"My boys," she breathes, her voice low and tightly controlled. There are tears in her eyes when the three of them part, however, and she reaches up to touch both of their faces as she looks at them. "How I have missed you," she says. "But how could your uncle spare you so soon?"

"Did you not receive the message we sent with the raven?" Kili asks in concern.

"I did," she replies, "but I scarcely dared to believe or hope."

"We cannot stay in Erebor without you, amad," Kili whispers. "You know that."

"We can discuss it later," Dis tells him. "Your letter said you were bringing your wife."

Billana takes that as her cue to step away from Balin, who has been watching with wary eyes, and approach. Fili smiles at her as Kili reaches his hand out to pull her close.

"This is Billana," he says proudly and hard blue eyes turn on her as she gives a respectful bow.

Billana tilts her chin as Dis looks her, drawing a deep breath in through her nose as she waits to see what her husbands' mother will think of her. Her fingers itch for something to fiddle with, years of keeping her head down and her gaze averted to avoid being perceived as challenging or difficult scream for her to duck her head and look away. She ignore all of those instincts, has no desire to show any weakness which might damage her position with Lady Dis.

"Delicate thing, aren't you?" Dis asks her.

"I'm stronger than I look, my lady," Billana replies, keeping her chin up and her eyes on those of the dwarrowdam.

"And how did you meet my sons?" She asks, waving a hand in Fili's direction when he softly objects. Billana slips her free hand into his, squeezing reassuringly before answering. She expected this.

"I found an injured raven in my garden," the wild mage replies mildly, "and I cared for him as best I could until Gandalf came to recruit me for the quest and discovered that my raven was not a raven at all." Kili winces.

"It seems there is much of this quest I was not told about," Dis observes. "You are gifted?"

"In her own way," Fili cuts in. "Billana is a wild mage, her magic lies with animals and proved more valuable to us on this quest than any amount of the gift could have."

"In truth," Kili adds, "without her we would never have made it to the mountain at all." Billana feels her cheeks heat.

"Is that so?" Dis asks, her tone considering. "Is that so?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my time still isn't really my own (my fault, what was supposed to be DnD every other week has turned into every week instead), but I managed to get a chapter done all the same. 
> 
> Also, I heard yesterday that Sir Ian Holm passed away. My first encounter with him was Alien, but I'll always remember him for Bilbo. Peter Jackson wrote a beautiful tribute to him which made me sob into my coffee this morning. He was a gift and a treasure.


	84. A Tale to Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili do much of the talking

Dis immediately orders that she not be distrubed for any reason, she tells her sons that she wants to hear _everything_ about the quest and something in the tone she uses makes Billana suspect that a great many of the events that both Thorin and her husbands would rather be kept secret are about to be brought up. Dis' greeting to Balin is cool, although she thanks him warmly for ensuring that Fili and Kili survived to return to her. Balin tells her that it was the very least he could do, and that he also had very little to do with it in any case. Dori agrees with Billana's father and the greeting that Dis gives him is far warmer. It makes Billana wonder if her adoption by Balin will cause her any problems in the future, but it isn't something that can be undone and she wouldn't want to.

Fili and Kili do much of the talking, to begin with anyway, and Billana hears about Kili's arrival at her smial from his perspective for the first time. It breaks her heart to hear how lost and desperate he had been when he had landed in her garden, and although he admits that much of the time she was caring for him is hazy, he tells his mother all that he can without embarrassing Billana at all.

"You can imagine our relief at hearing from Tharkûn that Kili had been found, even though his condition was grave," Fili tells his mother, holding Billana's hand tightly. "Billana had done her best, of course, but her magic is tuned to feather and fur and could have no benefit to one who isn't truly of the air. It was immediately clear that she had been caring for him diligently, even at the expense of her own health I suspect, and though she was clearly exhausted from her efforts she still made no attempt to interfere with the care of her patient." Billana had no idea that Fili had observed her so closely in those few moments between his arrival and the moment when he had begun to attempt to heal his brother. She tells him as much and he gives her a soft smile. "Years of training to _look_ before simply rushing in to a potentially dangerous situation means that I see far more than most would expect, Kitten." He explains then takes up the story until it comes time for Billana to interject with Thorin's impression of her.

"He wasn't happy that Gandalf had chosen me, even before my age came up in Rivendell," Billana admits. "He was even less happy that Gandalf hadn't spoken to me weeks ago as he had implied."

"Tharkûn is a meddler," Dis observes. "It comes as no surprise that he likely decided to keep you in the dark for his own amusement. But why would your age be a matter of discontent?"

"Billana did not come of age until a few weeks before we reached Erebor," Balin says from his own seat, he has been silent, for the most part, "she became my ward before we left Rivendell, and my daughter not long before we passed into Laketown."

"My congratulations," Dis says warmly, though there is a shadow in her eyes as she does, as though the emotion isn't quite real, "a child is always cause for celebration."

The story continues, though they gloss over many of the early days of travel until the first time that they had cause to see Billana's ability to heal, and then the trolls. She hears the tremble in Kili's voice when he tells his mother that he feared Thorin had, without intending it, killed or injured her. She leans against him, pressed between both of her husbands, hears Fili ask if she is happy for them to reveal that she can change her shape and she remembers that aside from the Company, Gandalf and the twins no one else knows about her ability as anything more than a supposition. The Master is dead and she doubts that he would have realised that she could do more than become a wolf in any case. Thranduil may have guessed, given the nature of her magic and the odd occurrences in Mirkwood, but he hasn't brought it up any of the times that she had seen him. She allows them to share the information and she thinks that if Dis hadn't been aware of the possibility of shape changing through Kili the idea would have been dismissed entirely.

They continue, sharing all that they feel they can with Dis, though neither Fili nor Kili brings up the fact that Billana had come to them after that first dinner, neither of them mention the events she had shared with them that night. Just from hearing about her home and that she was alone, however, is enough to make Dis suspect something worse at play in her life and she sees the 'dam flick a message at Balin, though the gestures are half hidden and Billana's iglishmêk is still too basic to enable her to follow the conversation easily. Dis' face hardens after a moment, however, and she flicks a few more gestures at Balin, fingers snapping. Balin's reply, what Billana can see of it, is more measured and Billana worries until Dis turns her eyes back onto Billana and there is sympathy there instead.

"You could have just asked, Amad," Kili tells her, having obviously seen and understood more of the exchange.

"I had no wish to interupt this tale of my brother's failings," Dis replies. "I can do both at once, as you well know." Kili groans.

"The information is Billana's to tell," Fili points out.

"I asked only out of concern," his mother replies.

"The you should have asked me," Billana cuts in before an argument can start. "Everything that was shared with the Company will be shared with you," she continues, pleased that the press of her husbands against her side hides the fact that she is trembling. It was one thing to stand up to family that she will never see again and who she knows will always think badly of her no matter what she does. It is another entirely to stand against someone who she may well end up seeing daily for decades. "What has been shared with only my husbands is for them alone." Dis inclines her head.

"Forgive my interruption," she says simply, though there is no scorn in her voice as Billana might have expected. "Continue, please."

They continue late into the night, with only pauses for drinks and meals to be brought to them. Dis interupts a few more times, once when she hears of Thorin's foolish actions against Azog and again when she hears how Billana was repremanded by the wizard for taking the form of a wolf to save the dwarf king. The embrace she pulls Billana into upon hearing _why_ she had feared to take the wolf's shape is tender as she thanks Billana for taking that risk. Fili and Kili are slightly sheepish when they expain how and where they made the offer of courtship to Billana as Dis looks at them with a raised eyebrow.

"'Do not be ridiculous, Amad'" she says in a passible imitation of Fili. "'This is a quest for our rightful home, there will be none upon it who could catch our hearts enough that we could not _wait_ to start a courtcship until all was in place'. Those were your words to me, were they not?" She asks him and Billana has the pleasure of seeing her husband flush.

They continue, a raised eyebrow all that they get when they mention being in a cell together in Mirkwood although it make Billana realise that the relative isolation from everyone else likely contributed as much to the rapid progression of their relationship as the peril of the quest had. It is not, infact, until they have finished recounting their encounter with Smaug that Dis asks a question none of the others had thought to.

"Why did you not simply take the shape of a dragon?" She asks the hobbit. Billana stares at her, amazed that _Dis_ is the one to ask it.

"I couldn't," she replies. "I have to join with the mind of the creature I wish to become the first time I do it. Even if Smaug had let me in to experience the world as he had he would never have released my mind from his. And even if he _had_ , there are certain creatures that I can't become. If I do I'll get stuck in that form and, as Kili can tell you, the longer you stay in a shape that isn't your own, the more like that creature you become."

"That explains some of the weird things you do when you've been running errands for Thorin for too long," Fili comments to his brother.

Kili shrugs and continues, barely wincing when his mother begins to berate him for using a Word of Power when he hadn't even been certain it would work. She listens in silence when they tell her about Thorin, and when the three of them confess that they had decided to rush the wedding because none of them wanted it to become a big display and wait years until Erebor was in a fit condition to be a venue for such a ceremony. None of them wanted to wait years to be able to fully and publically claim one another.

"I can understand that," Dis admits, "although I wish I could have been there to stand with you both. When I was preparing to marry your fathers it seemed like the day couldn't arrive fast enough but there was always so much to do. I know neither of you like being the centre of attention, something you get from your fathers."

"So you're not angry?" Kili asks her.

"No," Dis sighs and Billana can tell that she has been hurt by their decision.

Rather than discuss it further, and they all know that the subject will come up again, they continue and explain the circumstances leading up to the battle. Dis happily swears about her brother's stupidity, curse or no curse, and praises Fili for attempting to make peace regardless of Thorin's plans. Then she hears the details of the battle and any pretense at composure or irritation vanishes. The colour drains from her face as they talk about the arrival of the orcs and the fight which follows. Billana thinks that she might murder Fili with her bare hands when the wild mage explains what happened on Ravenshill. Especially given those events still haunt her dreams.

Finally, however, after so many hours of talking that their voices are hoarse, Billana, Fili and Kili have finished recounting the events that led up to their arrival that morning. Dis is silent and Billana waits to see what she will say about it all. Dis is silent for a long while, staring into her ale as she thinks. The 'dam has easily consumed twice as much as the rest of them have and Billana sees concern on Fili and Kili's faces as they watch her reach to refill her tankard once more.

"How long can your uncle spare you?" She asks them all finally.

"As long as it takes to persuade you to come back to Erebor with us," Fili replies.

"He cannot spare you that long," Dis shakes her head. "I will not leave your fathers' stone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wanted to be 'Dis reacts to the story of the quest' and since we're 84 chapters in, I didn't see the harm in it. I'm procrastinating on two assignments, one for science and one for maths. Amazing how productive I am when I'm doing that.


	85. Dis and Hillevi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hillevi is the one who comes to see them the next morning

Hillevi is the one who comes to see them the next morning, curiosity clear on her face when Billana opens the door to the room, that was once Fili's alone, which all three of them had retired to. Fili and Kili greet the 'dam with almost the same amount of warmth as they had greeted their mother the day before.

"I can see you have a great deal to explain, my lads," she says to them, lifting the bead of Fili's marriage braid to look at it. "I had thought neither of you inclined towards love and marrying. The number of different beds you two visited over the years-" she shakes her head almost fondly. "Should have realised it would be hard and fast with you two, just like your mother said."

Kili rubs at the back of his neck as Billana stares at the two of them. She _knows,_ of course, that they had hardly been innocent when she met them. She would have been a fool to think that they were in any way ignorant of such things, especially given the hints dropped by other members of the Company long before either Fili or Kili had expressed a desire to pursue more than a friendship with her. To hear this summed up so casually, as though it is a simple fact that everyone just _knows,_ makes her stomach clench tightly. She has asked herself more than once since they began what it is that they see in her and every time she comes up short of answers.

"Hillevi," Fili says firmly, and the 'dam laughs.

"Alright, lad, I'll leave be," she replies, turning to look Billana over. "I can see why none of the dwarves here took your eye though," she adds, touching a surprisingly gentle hand to Billana's chin. "Be at peace here," she tells the hobbit, "I, Hillevi daughter of Solvi, am sworn to the protection of Lady Dis, her sons and the One they love above all craft, possession or kingdom." She bows, not seeming to expect a reply as she turns to Fili and Kili once more. "Now, to the subject of your mother," she says.

Hillevi, as it turns out, has served among Dis **ruthukhînh** since Fili and Kili were in their twenties. She has known them through their trying tween years and has seen all the signs of the fine dwarves that they have become in that time. That the quest has honed those qualities until they now stand out above the rest she credits Billana with, though that thought makes the hobbit uncomfortable. To her mind she has had no influence on either of them, rather the reverse in fact. In their care and love she has become bold and confident. The 'dam simply concludes that the marriage has been mutually beneficial and moves on.

Her fondness for Fili and Kili does not simply stem from having been among Dis' **ruthukhînh** for so long. Hillevi was the one who stayed with them after their fathers were killed. When their mother was too incapacitated by her grief, while Dwalin was reeling from losses of his own, which Billana can guess at but doesn't bring up, when Balin had vanished and Thorin was fighting the fires which followed, Hillevi had sat with the young princes. She had guarded them, guided them and grieved with them and, perhaps unsurprisingly, they love her for it. Hillevi would have joined the quest, Billana learns, had Fili and Kili not requested that she stay to watch over their mother while they were away.

"Amad refuses to leave," Kili says with a sigh when the subject turns to why Fili and Kili have dragged their new wife away from Erebor when they should be focussed on rebuilding both their ancestral home and their bloodline.

"Did you really expect her to?" Hillevi asks. "Her husbands rest here, my lads. Their stone is too scattered for her to bring it with her to the Lonely Mountain."

"We _know,"_ Kili huffs. "We have felt their loss every day since it happened. Our grief for them is not less or gone simply because we have grown and continued to live our lives. Ered Luin sings in our blood as much as Erebor does, but what would she have us do?"

"You are grown, Kili," Hillevi reminds him, "you are married. She would have you live your life as it has grown around you. She would have you turn your eyes to the future. Your uncle and the people of Erebor need you."

"She needs us too," Fili disagrees. "Even you must see that the longer she lingers here with their memory, the worse she becomes."

"It is not my place to tell your mother what she should or should not do, Fili, you know that," the 'dam shakes her head.

"It doesn't seem to stop you from ordering _us_ around," Kili grumbles.

"When you have my age and experience I will stop," comes the reply, "until then I shall continue to point you in the right direction." With that she looks at them both with eyes so serious that it almost stops Billana's heart. "Your mother long ago convinced herself that she had taught you all she could. Perhaps that is my fault for looking after you both so diligently as she grieved, instead of joining with the other **ruthukhînh** to convince her that she needed to look beyond her grief for your sake sooner. I know not, only that she lingers simply because to take her life by her own hand would place too great a burden of guilt upon you both."

"So there is nothing to be done?" Fili demands. "We return to our Uncle without our mother and make the best of it?"

"Did I say that?" The 'dam asks.

"You may as well have," the golden mage points out. Hillevi grins and when she turns her eyes on Billana that grin turns into something that makes the hobbit incredibly nervous.

"She has taught _you_ all she can," Hillevi points out. "Your wife is a different matter."

" _Me_?" Billana squeaks.

"You," Hillevi confirms. "Come, Dis should have prepared herself for the day by now, and shaken off the worst of her foul waking mood as well. Time for you to seek the wisdom of the Princess of Durin's line."

Which is how Billana finds herself swept from the protective safety of her husbands and father and towards the uncertainty of what awaits her at the hands of Lady Dis. Hillevi takes her to the same room as the one she spent so much of the day before in. Dis, Billana is slightly alarmed to note, already has a tankard of ale in her hand as she stares into the empty fireplace. In the moment between Billana's entry and Dis' acknowledgement of her arrival, the hobbit manages to catch a glimpse of the grief which obviously clouds her every waking moment. Then the emotion is smoothed away and the expression on the 'dam's face becomes little more than cool curiosity.

"Have you come to argue my sons' cause?" She asks blandly.

"In a way," Billana replies, her heart thundering in her chest as she does so. "But I've also come to ask for help for my own sake as well."

"Is that so?" There is a flicker of interest in Dis' eyes as she looks at Billana.

"Yes," Billana says quickly, willing herself not to lose her nerve for the sake of her husbands as much as for herself. "We had, _I_ had really, relied on your help navigating my place in Erebor as a princess. I think you probably gleaned enough from our conversation last night to know that I was in no position to learn anything which might help me become a princess or even queen." She takes a deep breath. "Quite honestly I didn't think I would ever marry. Regardless of anything my grandfather had planned for me, I never intended to still be in the Shire to see it happen. I never wanted to be in the position that my mother was in. I didn't even _think_ about the possible consequences of marrying Fili and Kili. I just knew that I love them and I couldn't imagine my future without them. It wasn't until we had actually taken Erebor back and survived the battle after that I realised just how out of my depth I am."

"You have my sympathy," Dis replies coolly, "but Balin is as capable of teaching you what you need to know as he was of teaching _me_."

"That might be true," Billana admits, "but he isn't the one that I want to learn from. He isn't the one who has navigated the circles I will need to in the same way. I may have been mostly an outcast among my own kind, and through no fault of my own other than the fact that my mother was not married to my sire, but I very much doubt that the social climbing and back-stabbing I observed as a child is unique among hobbits." She stares at her hands.

"You cannot manipulate me into changing my mind," Dis points out. "Although such an attempt should be expected in one who has become Balin's daughter."

Billana has no reply to the accusation Dis makes about Balin, although she suspects that it has something to do with Nori, Dwalin and the circumstances behind the deaths of Morvanli and Suli. Fili and Kili don't know all of the details and she hardly expects them to given their age at the time. Balin has refused to elaborate without everyone involved present and Billana has accepted that, so instead she focuses on the accusation regarding _her_ motives.

"I'm not trying to manipulate you," Billana replies. "I am asking for your _help_. Balin will try, he will, I think he'll exhaust himself trying to teach me and keep Thorin on track. Eventually something will have to give, and regardless of the fact that I'm his daughter it will be me."

"You seem very certain of that," Dis arches an elegantly braided eyebrow.

"That's the way it always has been in my experience," Billana sighs, "and I wouldn't have him compromise Erebor and Thorin for my sake. Except-"

"Except that will affect Erebor's future once my brother passes," Dis finishes. "What would you have me do? I will not leave."

"Not even for a couple of years?" Billana asks. "Your sons will miss you, and we can't stay no matter how much we might want to. But, maybe, if you were to come with us for a couple of years, help us find our feet-?"

"My brother would never allow me to leave if I did," Dis tells her. "He would find excuse after excuse to keep me in Erebor until the time came for one or other of us to return to the stone. I think you know that."

"I didn't," Billana tells her. "He certainly made no excuses or demands of the three of us except that we return by the end of next summer."

"So you are not to leave immediately?" Dis leans forwards.

"No," Billana confirms. "We'll have to wait until spring at least. If you won't come back with us, and this is the only time I'll ask such of you, will you agree to teach me what you can while we're here?"

"It will be hard, and I will not be easy on you simply because you have married my sons," Dis warns.

"I wouldn't expect you to be," Billana admits. "If anything, I expect the opposite," Dis gives her a satisfied smile. "But I need to learn, and if I am not to have the benefit of years, then I will need to learn all I can in the months that I _do_ have. Please help me, I don't want to disappoint them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dis is still being difficult. And I am still procrastinating. Mostly because I can't quite get my head around this computer algebra system that I'm trying to work with. I'll get it eventually. I might cry, but I'll get it...


	86. Winter's Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter progresses, as it must

Billana does not come to completely regret asking Dis to help her learn to become a true Princess of Erebor, but it is a near thing. The 'dam is a hard taskmaster, drilling Billana daily on reading that she had set the hobbit the previous evening. Fili and Kili often come back from attending to tasks of their own around Belegost as they help to ready the caraven for the coming spring to find her asleep over her books and scrolls. Much as Billana's exhaustion becomes an obvious source of worry for them, however, the hobbit can only be grateful that they do not try to step in or interfere. Her diligance and determination prove to impress Dis, however, so every time that her husbands mention they will speak about having Billana's workload lessened she begs them not to. Her current exhaustion would be for nothing if she wastes this one opportunity to learn everything that she needs to know, especially if it does not help her to convince Dis that she is needed in Erebor more than she is needed in Ered Luin.

Slowly, almost painfully so, Dis begins to warm to Billana. She asks questions of the hobbit that Billana knows she will dislike the answers to but answers as honestly as she can anyway. Billana refuses to answer all of them, not wanting to dig through some of the more painful memories that she has again. Much of her past has been shared with Fili and Kili, far more than she will ever willingly share with anyone else again, and Dis seems to respect that reluctance to share such pain in much the same way that Balin and the rest of the Company have. Billana, in return, does not pry into the parts of Dis' life which still seem to cause her the most pain though she sees her husbands' worry increase every day. Her relationship with Dis is too new and too fragile for Billana to make any input on the matter, though she rarely sees Dis without a tankard in hand and never at breakfast since Dis seems to prefer to dine alone in her rooms in the morning.

The lack of intimate friendship with the mother of her husbands does not mean that Billana remains oblivious to the other tensions that exist in the life of Princess Dis. The first is that, for all the obvious affection between Hillevi, Fili ,and Kili, the same does not extend to Dis and Hillevi. The other 'dam is in a position of great trust with the royal household and she is the one that Billana most regularly sees guarding the door to Dis' office when she arrives. That there is tension between the two makes her question it and it is not until Billana arrives slightly early one morning that she gains any insight into the matter.

"You have sworn yourself to me, Hillevi," the hobbit hears Dis say. The door is closed and perhaps a dwarf might miss the muffled voices, but Billana's hearing is better.

"I swore myself to my husband first," Hillevi replies, "and there is nothing for him here. Frode needs to go to Erebor for his craft, Orde and Nylevi are going with him. Oath or no, I will not turn my back on my husband and children. You know as well as I that Nylevi is old enough and knowledgeable enough to serve as **ruthukhînh** to Billana. She needs only a little more guidance in the procedures and I can provide that as we travel if you still cannot bring yourself to leave."

"Why should I leave?" Billana hears Dis demand.

"Because if you do not, you will be alone," Hillevi replies bluntly. "You will not see them again once they leave this time. Fili and Kili will return to Erebor and they will be drawn into their new lives as heirs and husbands and, eventually, fathers. They will wish to come and they will send you letters. They will beg you to come to them in Erebor but they will not leave. I have done my duty to you as **ruthukhînh** as best I can during the last three decades. If you will not permit me to accompany you there in that role, you leave me with no choice but to retire from your service."

There is silence, and Billana takes that moment to slip away from the door. There is, perhaps, some wisdom in not letting Dis know that she has heard as much as she did.

Billana meets Nylevi later that day. The young 'dam, with hair the same deep auburn as her mother's and who is probably a handful of years older than Fili, is quietly curious and respectful of Billana. The hobbit's time is quickly divided between learning to be a princess with an increasingly subdued Dis and getting to know her new guard as well as meeting others who will be coming to Erebor who could also serve in the role. Fili and Kili need only one **murkhûn** each. Billana is expected to choose at least four **ruthukhînh.** Not because she is seen to be weaker as a female, instead it is because she is thought to be all the more worth the protection and when the three of them eventually decide to begin a family there will be times when it will be far more difficult for Billana to defend herself. Some discussion with Nylevi, Hillevi and Balin leads her to agree to choose one other from Ered Luin and another two upon their return to Erebor. To Billana it seems excessive, to her husbands and Balin, who have seen how alone and mistreated she had been in her youth, it is not enough.

Winter progresses, as it must, and Billana and her family begin to make plans for returning to Erebor. While they are planning, however, Billana's mind turns to other things. She would be lying if she tried to tell herself that she has not considered the next stages of her marriage. She would be lying if she tried to convince anyone that she does not want children. She would be lying if she tried to insist that Hillevi's word to Dis had not reawoken that deep desire within her. If it were practical she would have removed her charm already and allowed nature to take its course. The longer they spend in Ered Luin, where she can see dwarf families as they go about their daily lives, the more she wants a child. Now is not the worst possible time for this realisation, or for her to be contemplating it, but it is far from the best either. It does not, however, stop her from bringing up the subject with Fili and Kili one evening a few weeks before they will have to depart with the caravan if they are to make the deadline Thorin gave them. Her husbands understand why she keeps secrets, but they have always encouraged her to talk to them about whatever is on her mind before she can worry it into something bigger than it already is.

"When we get back," she says sleepily in bed one night, "I want a child."

"Stewed or roasted," Kili mutters just as sleepily. "I think roasted is-" He yelps when Billana kicks him and she sees Fili glaring at him over her head. She should have remembered that Kili can be little bit absent when they are all in bed together.

"Are you sure, Kitten?" Fili asks her, his face strangely intent. "You must not feel like we have to begin immediately on our return, if our mother has said-"

"It has nothing to do with your mother," Billana cuts him off. "I want a child with you both, more than one, I've wanted it since before we got married. It just never seemed to be the right time. But when we get back- when we get back I want to start trying. If you're happy to?"

"Nothing would make us happier, Kundith," Kili purrs, seeming to have regained some function of his brain, enough for him to process what she is telling them at least. Then he proceeds to make her shiver as he tells her, in detail, exactly what he imagines it will be like to be with her while she is carrying their child.

The three do not get much sleep that night, she may not have removed her charm but it seems that Fili and Kili are firm believers in practising. It also gives her husbands something else to use when they are attempting to convince Dis to join them. Billana has no mother, Kili points out, it will be beneficial for her to have Dis at her side to guide her through this great battle. He conveniently ignores that fact that Belladonna was a healer and a midwife who taught Billana much about the process. Fili appeals to the other side of things, he appeals to the idea that Billana will need someone who can step into her place while she recovers from the birth, that she will need someone who knows how to fulfil her role as princess while she learns to care for the new life that she will be creating. Finally, Dis relents.

"Very well," she says, "but I will not be able to remain there for the rest of my days. I will not return to the stone away from that of your fathers."

"We can accept that, Amad," Fili replies, stamping on his brother's foot when it looks like Kili might make an objection.

While they are speaking Billana looks over at Hillevi who has remained in the room, her arms folded tightly over her chest as she stands by the door. The 'dam meets her eyes, then gives her a slow nod. Billana has no idea what sort of conclusions have been drawn from the conversation, and nor does she wish to know, but the tension that had existed between the two dawrrowdams begins to ease as Dis starts to prepare for her journey. Covered wagons and carts begin to appear in the city in greater numbers, more and more of the residents of Belegost, and the neighbouring towns and villages, preparing to leave Ered Luin for the bright future and safety of Erebor. Billana knows that the first two caravans from Ered Luin will have arrived there in the time that they have been gone and it makes her wonder how the restorations will have progressed. She finds herself growing impatient to leave and realises that Fili and Kili are much the same, apparently fearing that the wait of even a few weeks will be enough to convince their mother to change her mind.

There is a moment, the morning that they depart, where it _does_ appear as though Dis has changed her mind. She hesitates in front of the weapons that belonged to her husbands and stares up at them with a longing and heartache that once again makes Billana fear for the day she might lose one or both of her husbands. Then Fili goes to her and links their arms together, whispering in his mother's ear as he assures her that one day she will return to the Blue Mountains to be with them.

They leave with the creaking of carts, plod of hooves and stomp of boots in their wake, beginning their long return to Erebor and the future that Billana has longed for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one did not want to be written, probably because as I was writing it I realised that there was only the epilogue to go afterwards and I don't want this one to end. Also, because I successfully mathsed my maths that refused to maths *shudders at that terrible collection of words*. Now I need to finish making my mother's birthday present, wrap my sister's, pester the Manbeast to sort out my mother-in-law's and gather everything to make GDK's present and buy the rest of them, as well as the ones for the Manbeast as well. Why are there so many birthdays in July? Which is all an excuse to procrastinate something terrible on the epilogue.


	87. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Which is probably why she is now carrying her fifth child

"Inkeri!" The familiar shout rings through the royal wing of Erebor. "You're dead when I get my hands on you!"

Billana looks up from the report she had been studying with a frown, twenty years after returning to Erebor and sometimes day to day life there still surprises her.

"I wonder what she's done to Kari this time," Dis huffs as she enters, Billana's youngest son on her hip as she rocks the fussing, nap refusing, toddler.

"They're Nori's girls," Billana shakes her head, "I'm not entirely convinced Kari didn't ask for it."

Twins are rare among dwarves, but apparently elven healing can do strange things to a 'dam and Nori and Dwalin had been blessed with three sets of twins before they had decided enough was enough. Inkeri and Kari, their eldest, had been born by the time Billana, Fili and Kili had returned from the Blue Mountains and the youngest pair would be ten in a few weeks. For their part, Billana, Fili and Kili had intended to stop at three children, two sons and a daughter, until the charm which had served them so faithfully over the sixteen years since their meeting had unexpectedly failed. As a matter of fact, the number of times those charms had failed in the twenty years since Erebor had been reclaimed had resulted in a population boom, not that Billana feels this is much of a problem, and Fili is leading a council of healers in investigating exactly _why_ that might be.

"Well, Bali will not be having his nap with all of that carrying on," Dis frowns, "at least the other three are with Thorin today," she adds. "Less opportunity for them to get into trouble."

Privately, Billana doubts that her children will have managed to avoid causing some manner of chaos while with their uncle. They are, after all, descended from Fili and Kili who still delight in winding their uncle and the council up as much as they possibly can. Which is probably one of the reasons why the council had been so keen to let Fili escape so many of the duties that come with being the heir to the throne to investigate the failing contraceptive charms, while Kili continues with the seemingly endless task of identifying and cataloguing the multitudes of magical artifacts collected by Smaug over the years. Her dark haired husband, who she had once believed could barely stand to be still, sometimes has to be physically dragged out of the archives. Although Billana has found other ways to entice him home that are more effective than any amount of talking or nagging.

Which is probably why she is now carrying her fifth child after the charms had failed for a second time.

"You need rest as well," Dis tells her. "This can wait." She takes the report from Billana's hand, passes Bali to her and disappears into the kitchen.

Billana rests her cheek against her son's curly dark hair as he tangles his fingers into hers. The hobbit is not quite sure what she would have done had Dis not kept on putting off her return to Ered Luin. The topic comes up every couple of years, naturally, but then one of the children will look at her with wide, sad, eyes or Billana will anounce another pregnancy and Dis will decide to stay again. Billana understands more now about why Dis does not wish to pass in Erebor, she understands the burial rites and customs of dwarves which would be observed and why Dis would rather be in Belegost when the time comes. Still, Billana thinks as she leans back in her comfortable chair and waits for the shouting to begin as soon as Kari finds her sister, Dis very likely has decades ahead of her yet. The change of location and the addition of grandchildren in her life has had a positive effect. Dis still drinks, some days more heavily than others, but usually only _after_ the children are in bed.

"Drink," Dis orders as she returns, passing Billana a cup of hot tea as she takes the now sleeping Bali from his mother's arms and carefully untangles his fingers from her hair. "What this boy will do when the babe comes I know not," the older 'dam mutters as she cradles him. "Never seen one so attached to his ma before."

"We'll work it out," Billana yawns again, letting herself wonder which of their father's _this_ child will favour.

Bali and Noli favour Kili, with dark hair and eyes, although Bali has his mother's curls. Renli and Rosana favour Fili in colouring, also sporting their mother's curls, and Renli has the same amber eyes as Billana. They had thought, for a time, that he might have inherited Billana's wild magic even though Manwë had said that none of her children would. He had not, but all four of their children have already shown signs of being gifted, with Rosana apparently having the strongest gift of all of them. She spends a lot of time with Kili, being only three years younger than Noli, learning how to control and use that magic. Fifteen is still considered very much a child among dwarves, but the hobbit blood in them means that her children are maturing that little bit more rapidly and so is their gift. Noli seems to have inherited a lot of Billana's calm, something Thorin is grateful for, while Renli and Bali are yet too young to show much more than an early preferance for one thing or another, in the way of all children, which will likely change with time.

There is a crash and a shriek from the corridor and when the door opens Billana looks up to see Kili, wearing dark robes that mark him as a high level master mage, cheerfully towing Inkeri and Kari suspended in a ball of glittering black fire behind him. The girls are both pouting, and it is clear that Inkeri has been meddling with her sister's shampoo again by the black stains down the side of Kari's face and the uneven black patches in normally lucious auburn hair.

"When are Nori and Dwalin supposed to be back from Rivendell?" Kili asks her, the couple having been sent on the diplomatic trip to the Hidden Valley that year due to Billana's unexpected pregnancy.

"Two months," Billana replies promptly, as she shakes her head. The girls and their four brothers are supposed to be staying with Dori, normally they would be with Ori and Nylevi, but they have just brought their first child into the world and the addition of Nori and Dwalin's brood was deamed unwise by Fili, who has taken on the healing of every member of the Company since Oin's retirement. Kili groans.

"Remind me to have a chat with Elrond about how effective his healing is," he says as he leaves with the twins still in tow.

Billana won't, mostly because she knows how much it has eased the guilt that both of her husbands feel about the loss of Nori's first child. She has managed to get the whole story about that incident over the years, and she knows that there was nothing that Fili or Kili could have done to prevent that loss, but knowing something and feeling something are often different things altogether.

Billana yawns again and lifts her feet to rest them on a nearby footstool. If someone had told her when she found an injured raven in her garden that it would be the start of a life filled with more love, family, happiness and adventure than she had ever dreamed of having she would have laughed. She only wishes that her own mother could have lived to see it. But then, perhaps had Belladonna lived Gandalf would never had considered Billana as the right fit for the quest.

Funny how these things work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, we're finally at the end. I started this at the end of November 2019, it's now nearly mid July 2020. In that time I have started the first year of my degree (put off because I was lazy and then children) continued to renovate the insane house that Manbeast and I purchase a month before I started writing this and continued to do all this alongside homeeducating my two young children during a global pandemic. It has been a wonderful, marvellous journey which ended up being nearly double what I had originally envisioned and I am so thankful for every one who has read and especially those who reviewed because without those I would never have finished it at all. 
> 
> Also, biggest thanks _ever_ to Jimiel, without whom this story would never have started in the first place and certainly wouldn't have taken the path that it ultimately did.


End file.
